Part 38
Cordelia took her time walking through the sewers. She’d never be able to catch up with the vampire so why bother to run.
She had an idea where he was going and she’d catch him on the way back. Cordy scrunched up her brow. At least she hoped she knew. Being right, she could handle- but being wrong, she just didn’t know and that scared her.
***
Cordelia leaned against the wall and waited. She straightened as the dark vampire turned the corner. Angel slowed, his voice blank. “What are you doing here?”
Cordelia stared at the vampire. He wasn’t surprised which meant he sensed her. She guessed she should be grateful that he hadn’t turned and gone the other way to avoid her. She walked past him, wondering if he would try to stop her, if he would carry this that far.
She took a little breath, when he allowed her past. Cordelia walked around the turn and a little further into the passageway searching for any sign to prove she was right. She bent down when she found the blood soaked bag and broken plastic-the blood was fresh.
A great wave of relief hit her as she poked at the soiled bag. Cordelia hadn’t quite realized how scared she had been that she would find a drained corpse in its place.
She stood and faced the vampire that had followed her. “Waste of blood. If you’re going to sneak off and buy it, you should drink it.”
“Cordelia.”
The young woman’s eyes rose at the full use of her name and angry tone. “Don’t even Angel. I’ve been with you for three years, sure the first year you were all closet drinker, but over the next two, who did the shopping on most occasions?” She pointed to her chest.
“Me, I know your schedule probably better than you. And while you say you don’t like my concoctions, you drink them- maybe just to make me happy I don’t know, but you drink them. So, why then did I have to throw away your dinner last night.”
“I wasn’t hungry.” Angel stood completely still, his voice again blank of any emotion.
“You haven’t been hungry since you got back. You haven’t touched a drop of the pig’s blood I got. Instead, you’re sneaking and getting take-out. If I ask you- will you tell me that’s human,” pointing to the bag. “Or are you going to lie and tell me you just suddenly realized that you missed breakfast and dinner and since you were already out getting ‘something’ you would go to Larry’s rather than eat at home and that you happened to just drop it when you sensed me.”
“When and what I eat is none of your business and maybe my ‘something’ was just trying to get away from you.” Angel said, a cold anger creeping into his voice.
Cordy took a deep breath narrowing her eyes. “It damn well is my business, Angel. We aren’t talking about you switching from beans and tofu to fatty red meat. We’re talking human. Both you and Wesley told me that you drink animal to curb the desire for human; you know those live walking talking beings we’ve kinda of sworn to protect. Why the sudden hankerin’ for the forbidden. You weren’t drinking it before or were you.”
Cordy tried to think back. God damn her distraction with Groo. She jerked up. “Is this because of Connor’s blood?”
“This is not your problem, so leave it alone.” Angel said coldly, moving closer to the young woman until he was less than a swing away.
Cordelia forced her feet to remain immobile. She didn’t recognize this Angel, actually she did. He at that moment reminded her too much of the vampire that walked into her, Wesley and Gun’s new offices and coldly without a care demanded a book. That vampire had scared her. Cordelia didn’t like being scared by her best friend then and she hated it now. It made her mad.
“Angel, if you’re about to go all beigey on me, then tell me now, and I’ll leave your fuckin ass, so help me, I will. I’m not going through that bullshit again.”
Both Angel and Cordelia stood still the battle of wills clear in their stares.
“You said you would never leave me,” Angel jerked his head away giving up the contest.
Cordelia blinked and bit her lips, slumping a little as the tension she wasn ‘t even aware of slipped from her body. “I said I’d never leave you, not some warped version of you.” She responded softly.
Angel jerked back. “Warped? I drink blood, Cordelia,” he said his harshness cutting into her softness.
“Not human.” Cordelia remained still.
Angel moved in closer. “I’m a vampire Cordelia or have you’ve forgotten. Do I need to remind you?”
Cordelia refused to flinch at the dangerous cold steel in Angel’s voice or the demon face he wore. “You could think about reminding me why I love you and not why you’re such an ass. Angel, I know what you are, good god, how could I forget. But, you drink pig’s blood. As for as long as I’ve known you except your stint as Angelus, you drink pig’s, unless you were really injured and that wasn’t a secret or something that needed to be lied about.”
Angel swung his back to her. Cordelia blinked suddenly realizing. “Unless you’re really injured,” she repeated, her eye’s shot up to Angel’s broad form. “Angel,” she grabbed at him, tugging him to look at her. “Angel,” she beckoned, cradling his face. “I’m sorry, so sorry.”
The tears that always threatened to come whenever she thought about Angel being alone in the underwater coffin-trapped there by his son, finally flowed without restraint.
The stiffness in Angel’s frame started to lessen as he felt her embrace and her tears stinging along his skin. Slowly, his hand reached up to brush her back first tentatively then urgently grabbing her body and crushing it to his. “Cordy,” he choked into her hair. “I’m sorry.” He increased the tightness of his hold.
Cordelia leaned up cupping his face again. “Angel, it’s okay, I understand. well, I can’t not really, but I think I can,” Cordy shook her head at her contradictory words. “Angel, I can’t imagine what you went through, I guess maybe I should try, but it hurts too much and I’d rather live in my little denial- you know, Angel trapped, Angel got loose, like the hero is supposed to do, let’s not think too much of what happened in the in between time, because that will just kill you and make you really cry and hate the one that put.just make you hate.” Cordelia pushed away from Angel.
“I don’t want to hate like that, I can’t hate like that.” she turned brushing roughly at her face. “But, Angel you didn’t have to hide it. If you need human to.. ” Cordelia squeezed her eyes shut trying to force the tears to stop. “If you needed human to heal from.from stuff, then I understand, I do.” Cordelia braced herself getting a grip back on her emotions. “It’s not like you’re stalking the living nightlife.” She smiled trying desperately to tease.
Angel pulled away again. Silence filled the small tunnel. A sick feeling started in Cordelia’s heart and slowly moved to encroach into every part of her being. She was getting scared again. “Angel?” Cordelia whispered.
“Laurie and Robbie,” he choked.
“Who?” Cordelia asked still whispering.
“The ones that found me, the ones that broke me out, the humans that saved me, the ones I killed.” He swung around to face Cordelia waiting for her judgment.
Cordelia slammed down every single one of her reactions save one, her tears started flowing again, crying for the vampire in front of her. She gulped, trying to speak, knowing that Angel was waiting- for her disgust, her horror, her fear and Cordy sobbed harder, God forbid, she couldn’t damn him.
She bit her lips. Damn Fred and Gunn, Damn Wesley, Damn her, they should’ve been the ones to find him. Damn Connor, she cursed with true hatred. She jerked pressing her palms into her eyes, pressing trying to force the imagines and the hatred away.
Cordelia jerked as she heard movement. Angel was leaving her. She ran lunging at him, her unexpected action bringing both to the dirty ground.
“Don’t,” Cordelia cried burying her head into Angel’s back. “Just don’t,” she needed more time, but she couldn’t let him leave her. “Just hold me, please,” Cordelia begged almost whimpering.
Angel didn’t question he just held and moved; turning switching positions hugging Cordelia to his chest. Cordelia reached for the vampire trying to get into his skin, pulling and pressing. “Don’t ever do that again, never just walk away, you can’t leave me.” She rubbed her face into his chest. “I need you.” She murmured rubbing into his shirt.
Something dangerous jerked in Angel’s being as he heard her words, something that scared him. He tried to get a focus on what it was but it was fleeting and gone as quickly as it came. “Cordy,” he moved again, pulling them both into a seated position. “I can’t leave you, I can’t ever, okay,” he said gently.
Cordelia swallowed her new bout of tears and nodded. “‘Kay” She blinked at the vampire. Tears that she thought she had stopped started to flow again. “I love you.”
“Thank god,” Angel whispered pulling her into an embrace. That feeling was back the one of danger to his self, but like before it left as quickly as it had come.
Cordelia rested, letting her body relax into Angel’s hold allowing the strength of his arms to give her time to think about the next course of action. She gnawed at her lips and cleared her throat. She leaned up a small smile on her face, willing that it would take the edge off her words sufficiently.
“I wish Laurie and Robbie were still alive, I wish that you hadn’t had to do it, I do, but,” her hands came up to stroke the vampire’s face. “I want and need you alive and well more. Wow, that sounded really horrible,” Cordelia rubbed at her face. She scrunched up her shoulders and shook. “But I do. I can’t help it.”
“I haven’t.”
“Don’t Angel, I know you haven’t been stalking the living nightlife, just buying overpriced human blood at Larry’s.”
“How can you know that?”
Cordelia leaned back and studied the vampire the tears filling her eyes again, making the brown and gold hues glisten. “You would’ve been more of an ass?” She shrugged not knowing but knowing she was right.
“Cordy?” Angel couldn’t decide whether to laugh or cry impossible tears.
She stroked Angel’s face gently. “I won’t hate you for this, I can’t.” Cordelia moved to stand. “Come on.” She pulled in the direction away from the Hotel, her tears finally stopping.
“Cordy?”
“Always with the Cordy questions-am I really that unpredictable.” The red eyes and rough sniff made her teasing comment even more effecting.
“Yes.” Angel sighed.
“Good. Larry’s. We’ll stock up and then wean you off. Okay. No reason, though, to have to go cold turkey before tonight and you need to eat.”
“Cordy.”
Cordy cocked her brows again. “Tell me the truth; can you do both tonight, can you go cold turkey and take down Wolfram & Hart?”
Angel looked away. “No. It heals me quicker, I’m still not…I need it.”
Cordelia leaned into hear his low answer, once again able to exercise her ability to not think about why Angel was in such need. “Then, we’ll deal with it tomorrow. When it’s done.” The tears dried on her face, leaving nothing but love and determination.
Angel pulled at the hand that was tugging him. “You won’t hate me, but you do hate Connor, don’t you.”
Cordelia blinked, getting as still as the vampire once was. “I can’t hate him, of course not.”
“You blame him.”
“Angel, stop. He’s your son, you love him, and you need him. That’s all I care about.”
“Cordy?”
Cordelia cocked her head. “I love you and I know you love your son. You will have him with you that’s all that matters. Now, lets go we have a rescue to do.”
“Cordy?”
“More with the questioning name, Geez. Angel, everything will be all right. Lets go.”
Angel stared a few seconds as Cordelia went in the direction of Larry’s. He wasn’t sure what to think but he knew what he felt. Angel did love her and needed her so he followed.
