Title: Unusually Appropriate
Content: A/C and Humor
Summary: Cordelia finds herself in a compromising situation
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: By all means just tell me where?
I always thought it would be more.
That mere alcohol wouldn’t be the only thing that would weaken my stronghold.
Life gives you little time for foreplay.
I got no flowers. No moonlight. I wasn’t wearing silk. My skin didn’t glow or shine or shimmer for the candlelight because there was no candlelight.
Not even the bright coldness of my apartment.
Just warm browns and musky rusts.
And the stark chocolate of his eyes as I stared up at him in surprise.
The morning after.
A chuckle, that couldn’t be muffled. “Yes Baby. I am God.”
“OH GOD!” I sat up straighter the comforter clutched tightly in my fist, pinning the material to my chest in hopes of finding something to still the sudden jump in my heartbeat.
Nightmare. Please let it be a nightmare.
The chuckle gave way to an amused laugh as the man regarded me with open hilarity. “Morning; or should I say ‘afternoon’?”
I lifted my wrist to look at my watch.
It wasn’t there.
I looked around frantically and then noticed something else. My white t-shirt was lying on his desk. My sneakers were sitting on his shelf. My favorite cargos were lying halfway on his chair and oh god no.
my unmentionables were strewn over his lamp like a scene from a seedy romance novel. Which could only mean one thing.
I swallowed audibly and met his eyes. “I’m naked.”
His smile blew into a wide smirk. “Gloriously.”
I painfully ran my eyes down from his eyes, to his nose, past his smirking mouth to the wide expanse of his shirtless chest.
Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.
The comforter covered his torso and I just couldn’t tear my eyes away from his waist that disappeared under there. Taking a stuttering breath I reached out with a shaking hand to just confirm my trepidation and get it over it.
His hand caught my wrist in mid motion and my eyes snapped up to meet his. “Un. Un. I don’t think you want to do that.”
I stared. “Why not?”
He raised an eyebrow, the insufferable smirk still on his face. “Because I don’t think you can handle it in your present state.”
“What present state!?” I was almost screaming now.
“You look like you’re going to pass out.”
“You don’t remember much do you?”
My breath hitched in my throat, my wrist still clasped in his hand and my heart plummeted into my stomach. “Why? Should I remember something?” I could barely whisper through my parched throat.
“Oh yeah.” The answer was more of a purr than words and I jerked my wrist out of his grasp.
He sighed and relaxed back into the pillows. “What do you think?”
“I don’t CARE what I think! What shouldn’t I not be remembering!?!?!”
He leered, his arms coming to cross around his chest. “Do you really want me to say it?”
“I’m naked too.” Of all the things to say.
A small unintelligent sound escaped my mouth and I swayed in my sitting position.
“Cordy.” He began in a warning tone as I twitched, my eyes not focusing at any one point. “Cordelia, calm down.”
“I’m naked. You’re naked. I’m in your bed. You’re in your bed. You’re talking of things I shouldn’t not remember. I’m not remembering things I shouldn’t not be remembering? HOW CAN I CALM DOWN!?”
That’s when the pain in my heard exploded and I cringed, gritting my teeth as I held my head in my hands and moaned low in my throat. Oh god I did. I got drunk and shagged Angel. Oh god I’d slept with the only man who remotely resembled ‘true friend’. I slept with him.
Oh god I think I’m going to be sick.
His hands came and grabbed my shoulders firmly as I proceeded to have the second nervous breakdown of my adult life. “Easy Cordy. Shhh.it’s okay.”
“Oh god, I think I’m going to be sick.”
He frowned. “Do you mean that metaphorically or physically, because you didn’t look short of ecstasy last night to resemble.”
“Oh god!” I jerked out of his gaze and ran, forgetting the comforter or the fact that I was naked or panicked or screaming.
The sting on my palm told me I’d opened the bathroom door before I promptly fell on my knees and hugged the toilet for dear life as the spasms overtook me.
By the time Angel walked into the bathroom his lower half now covered with draw string pajamas I was sitting on his soft bathroom matt, my back resting against his bathtub and my arms wrapped around my knees tightly.
“I had a feeling this would happen. Obscene doesn’t describe the amount of tequila you consumed last night.” The robe was draped over me gently and I lifted my head to look up into his face.
His eyes softened and he sat down next to me. “Here. Swallow these and drink this.” He placed two white pills in my hand and a glass of thick red liquid into my other.
I had tequila last night. Flashes of glasses and a long white bottle made me blink before I put the pills into my mouth and took a swallow out of the glass. Instantly my throat stung and I coughed almost dropping the glass, but his hand caught mine and he rubbed my back gently.
“I know it’s bad. Finish it.” He gently pushed the glass back under my nose and I had to bite my cheek from retching again but I did as I was told and took the drink down in a single breath.
“Good girl.” I sent him a dark look and he smiled brightly.
“Why don’t you feel like shit?”
“I didn’t get a chance to drink as much as you.”
My throat was stinging and my head pounding with the rock band my nerves were playing inside my head. “Tequila?”
He chuckled as he run a hand through my hair. “Copious amounts.”
I frowned. “You weren’t as drunk; but I was and you still slept with me? Aren’t there like rules for stuff like this!?”
He laughed and I felt anger stir in my belly. “Oliver.”
“You got me drunk and then took advantage of me! Didn’t you!”
The laughter vanished from his eyes and he glared. “Gee I don’t know. I had a beautiful, drunk madwoman come knocking at my apartment with a bottle of liquid evil, a salt shaker and lemons for body shots while instigating that claim.”
I blinked. “I came to your apartment.” It wasn’t a question. I distinctly had a smidgen of a memory outside his front door.
Talking to his doorbell; asking it to sing Elvis.
“Yeah.” He came to lean against the bath tub next to me. “Complete with domineering female authority.”
I frowned. “I’m not domineering.” I slipped my arms into the bathrobe, not bothering to turn it around.
“Shoving me against my own front door was obviously submissive then.” He smirked down at me.
Liar. I stared up into his eyes and I couldn’t deny it. I squeaked. “I did that.”
“Oh yeah, with a dressing of very blatant and lascivious invitations. You have quite a mouth on you. I should hide my magazines when you come over.”
I groaned. “Oh god.” My head dropped into my hands.
“You’ve said that already.”
I lifted my face to stare at the ceiling, too shocked to even be embarrassed by what he was telling me.
“And that was only the first five minutes.”
Will the mortification ever end? I swallowed bravely and turned my head to meet his eyes. “What?”
Draping an arm across the bathtub behind me he looked down into my eyes with a grin. “Well, although I’m not completely without scruples, I didn’t have enough time to question how much of alcohol you’d had before I had your tongue down my throat.”
“Oh gross!” I jerked away from him and touched my throbbing temples. “Too much! Too much information.”
I already had visions of him pinned against his front door and I wasn’t exactly sure if it was from one of my dreams or last night.
He laughed behind me. “You didn’t think it was gross last night.”
“Last night I probably didn’t have this morning’s hang over.” I looked over my shoulder and glared as best I could in my current state. “You probably didn’t put up much of a fight I bet.”
He snickered and held up his right hand. “I put up enough of a fight that would put any other blue blooded man to shame.” His eyes roved over my bare back and I leaned back against his arm holding the robe tightly around my front.
“Are you saying I was strong enough to overpower a not so drunk vampire of your stature that easily?”
“Oh it wasn’t easy baby.”
“Don’t call me that. What do you mean then?”
He shrugged. “Just that I had a very persistent and beautiful-“
“And drunk.” I elbowed him in the ribs.
He smirked. “And drunk, woman tackling me to the floor her mouth permanently attached to this spot below my ear which, by the way, I’ve been meaning to ask you how you knew about.”
I felt the heat creep up my cheeks and I cleared my throat. “Lucky guess.”
“Extremely,” he chided. He was entirely too amused with this.
I grunted noncommittally.
His arm slid around my shoulders and he pulled me to his side. “But I didn’t give in then, if that’s what you’re asking.”
I lifted my chin to look up into his eyes that were too close to focus on immediately and so I blinked in confusion. “You didn’t?”
“Nope. It was after you did the striptease. I’m still wondering how often you do it, because you got the tease part down pretty good.”
My breath caught in my throat. “I stripped and you didn’t stop me?”
“I was paralyzed until I realized your frillies were coming off next.”
“Convenient,” I muttered.
“For you? Yes. I couldn’t hold you back without touching skin I’d wanted to touch since I met you. How much fun do you think that was?”
I met his gaze with narrow eyes. “A lot telling by the grin on your face.”
He snickered. “Hey. I was still trying to be a gentleman.”
I sighed. “Still?” Why did I prolong this? I felt bad as it was.
“It was after you stripped that you offered to divest me of my clothing.”
My eyes widened. “I offered?”
“Complete with hip swiveling.”
Pressing the heel of my hand to my temple I moaned. “You probably accepted.”
“Yeah, but it was much after you ripped my shirt open.”
I looked up startled. “I did not!” I cried out indignantly, and then I remembered giggling about bouncing buttons. “I did.”
He almost laughed at the panic on my face. “I have the shirt to prove it; wanna see?”
“NO!” I grabbed his arm before he got up. “Um.just tell me.when you.uh.gave up.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Depends. Do you mean before you had your hand in my pants or after?”
I let out an unladylike squawk of surprise and it was just his arm around my shoulders holding me down or I would have been jumping.
He smiled ruefully. “I didn’t much argue after that, I mean I am a man. Not until my second body shot when lucidity hit me right between the eyes, but we were on my bed then and you did something that if you hadn’t done, you and I would still be less than lovers.”
I swallowed when I had a sudden image of my straddling him on his bed, my hands holding his wrists, my mouth kissing down his chest. “Oh god. Did I…”
He snickered. “Worse.” His forehead rested against mine and I took a shuddering breath to prepare myself for the final truth.
“You said you loved me so much it made you forget to breathe.” I stared up into the intensity of his gaze as it melted from amusement to so much affection it couldn’t be anything besides love.
And when his eyes flickered to my lips I realized I wasn’t.
I wasn’t breathing.
I shucked in a lung full of air and pulled my gaze away from him. “You believed me.”
“I did more than believe you.”
I looked up again.
He smiled crookedly, his hand sliding down my cheek gently. “I told you I only lived when I loved you.”
I was melting into a puddle of mush. “Angel?”
“If I brush my teeth really hard, will you kiss me?”
He burst out laughing and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against his chest as he dissolved in mirth. I held onto him tightly my mouth lifting into a smile that I couldn’t suppress as he rocked me gently with him.
“One condition Baby.”
I pulled away to look into his smirking chocolate eyes.
“I get to be on top.”
Had it been the perfect setting my man would have said something romantic and then I’d be carried to his bed. After I brushed my teeth of course.
But since nothing goes the way it should with Angel, as if throwing up after my first big night with the man of my dreams was ideal, we did things our usually inappropriate way.
I pinned him to his bathroom floor.
After I brushed my teeth of course.