Part 12
“You know that wasn’t what I was asking.” Cordelia leaned up against the back seat of the limo, her knees close to her chest her hands clenched around her, the only thing touching the vampire was her gaze.
Angel flinched as the gaze penetrated his body, triggering nerves and feelings that had been dead for years. The need was overwhelming. Angel was suddenly scared. He searched his memory of the teenager that had been the woman before him- talk aside, he was certain Cordelia hadn’t been a whore, Angel had been around her enough to have noticed and sensed the telling signs if they were present.
Christ, Angel knew that in the brief time of their re-acquaintance. What was the complexity of this woman- innocent, wanton and all alluring in her very gaze? How was Angel going to answer their desire correctly, because Angel couldn’t lie, well he could, but he never lied to himself- he wanted her.
And suddenly, he wasn’t at all sure that he wanted to lie about the desire he sensed flowing from Cordelia.
“Cor…”
“Don’t,” Cordelia curled up closer to the side of the limousine. “This is stupid. I know what you are. I don’t want that. I could never risk that…. I know love, contentment, joy and sex are needed to trigger the extreme leather wearing evil of the night. And sure, I know I wouldn’t be chancing the love, joy part, but you never know about the sex part, do you? Nevermind, so no, sorry for bringing it up.” Cordelia curled further into herself.
She peeked out from her knees. “I’m so sorry,” she sniffled. “I know I was bitch and some say…” Cordelia waved her hand in the air,” I’m not a prick tease.” She looked at Angel, “Oh god, I am” she buried her face in her body.
Angel stayed on his portion of the seat. He leaned in once giving the driver a note; one explaining to the one-armed man and the black man that everything was okay. Make sure, Angel said, that they get it, he growled. The driver shrugged and said of course.
***
Cordelia wandered around her expansive apartment. She looked at the vampire that followed her in. “I see it bigger, do you see it bigger.” She pointed to the bookcase against the far wall. She gulped. “Oh god,” she said softly.
Angel was behind her in an instant. “What?’ Cordelia was choking up again. He’d hoped that had stopped when she calmed down in the limo.
“Angel,” Cordelia turned in the arms that embraced her.
“Cordy?”
The young woman bit her lips. Trying to say the words, she didn’t want to, but deep down she knew some how the man she was with would accept and understand anything she said. Some how. Cordelia took a deep breath.
“Angel, this…. I…. I see this room as bigger, wide a lobby almost, you, Gunn, Wesley with two arms, but not happy, a girl, friendly, strong, nuts and… I can’t.” Cordy pushed away from the vampire. “No, I’m wrong, it’s the stress of everything. I don’t know you. You’re a vampire. You were Buffy’s love toy. You went evil like in a switch of an orgasm. Why are you here? Leave. I don’t want you here. Go.”
Cordelia moved pushing away further from the vampire who remained rooted to his spot stunned. The brunette glared and flopped on the leather sofa.
Angel stood still. Rejection wasn’t unexpected. But this was sort of a shocker. He stepped closer, and then moved back. What was he doing? He didn’t need to try to comfort her or to try to figure her out. Angel looked at the young woman. Damn. She was crying. “Cordy, talk to me.” Angel said softly.
Cordelia peered up, hesitating her voice choking. Angel felt fear and uneasiness in the young woman.
“Cordelia.” He demanded.
Cordelia licked at her lips, trying to decide, with a deep breath she spoke. “Something is really wrong. I remember, like really remember stuff- I also think I remember stuff- I’m not making any sense, I know. God, I feel like I’m supposed to be somewhere doing something else, but I can’t remember what, it’s so not there but there. But you’re there in both, please tell me which is true, please. Why am I suddenly going crazy, you’re not contagious are you?” Cordelia buried her head in her hands.
Angel knelt. Cordelia was curled up on the couch, her amazing dress now looked out of place and uncomfortable, her face scared. What was Cordelia scared of?
“What do you remember?”
Cordelia licked her lips. “I remember you showing up in Sunnydale, the dark brooding salty goodness stranger, I remember that I flirted outrageously even for my high school self but you were only interested in Buffy, life went on I dated Xander,” Cordelia scrunched up her brow, tears squeezing out of the corners of her eyes.
“I don’t know, I think I loved him, then pain, horrible pain.” Cordelia laughed suddenly. “Sorry, what really happened was Xander decided that Willow was one step closer to ‘Miss likes too Slay’ than the many steps I was, and that blonde dead evil Billy Idol want a be or was it the other way around, whatever, couldn’t even let me break up gracefully. Nope, had to provide me with a wide eyed view and a rusty pipe in my stomach.” Cordelia looked at her stomach.
Anger, fear, loss and all the past memories washed over her. “I haven’t thought about that in over three years, any of it.” Her head shot up to Angel’s gaze. “Go away, for whatever reason the last three years, maybe more, I haven’t remembered, not really and I like it that way. Sunnydale is a distance memory, Buffy, Willow, Xander, are gone, let them choke on my stardom. You go away, I don’t know you, I didn’t even like you. You’re a vampire. I don’t trust you. Don’t like you. I want you gone. I want you…..”
Cordelia gulped her knees giving out her arms grapping for the cushions on the sofa, grabbing them tight.
Angel was ready to run from the vulnerable angry display of emotion. But he stalled and listened. He heard the young woman’s ranting. He wanted to get mad; she was being mean to Buffy’s memory. Sunnydale was…. Angel looked again at the young woman wiping her tears standing gathering her strength.
He watched amazed at the control the young woman exerted over her emotions. It hit him at the same moment as the knowledge of her ability to deny anything had upset her. Angel had to agree with the young woman, something was definitely not right-from Cordelia’s emotional swings to his reactions to them.
“Angel, thank you for seeing me home. I’m fine. I think that the stalker threat was just the typical, risks of the trade, but not dangerous, just a poisonous pen pal. Thank you and Wesley and Gunn, send me the bill and now please go. I’m truly sorry if I said or did anything to upset you, leave now, please. Thank you.”
As amazed as he was at the turn around time, between crying and icy determination, Angel also knew that it wasn’t real. He started forward but stopped at Cordelia’s glare. A part of Angel just wanted to yell, she started it, she’s the one that started talking about the past as painful as it was…. start it finish it…. just like she started the touching and wanting…she’s the reason his cock was straining against his rented pants.
Angel was getting mad, the crying girl on the sofa started all of this, she made him smile when he didn’t want to, she made him talk when he didn’t want to, she some how made him stay still while she grabbed his hand his arm his leg his shoulder –it was her fault.
“Go away.”
“No. You hired us for a job, remember.” Angel said coldly wishing for the smiles back. What the fuck happened?
“Fine.” Cordelia strode up the stairs.
Part 13
Cordelia didn’t want to yell, really she didn’t. She had made a grand exit away from Angel. Screaming for him now seemed like a wussy contradictory move. But as she looked again at her bed, it was also really stupid not to yell. “ANGEL” she called out.
Wow, he was quick. Cordelia pointed to her bed. Angel pushed the young woman behind him his one hand always on her as he sensed the room. He relaxed only slightly as the air seemed free of scent of present danger. Angel went to the bed and picked up the letter amongst the roses.
He read the contents once then again. Angel looked at Cordelia. “Did you read this?”
Cordelia stood arms hugging her body. “I screamed.”
“Read it.”
Cordelia scrunched up a distasteful face and took the letter. Her scrunch got even scrunchier.
“Princess, the beast is not true, don’t believe, I’m the one, don’t allow the beast to draw you in…I will come soon. Your true champion, your fate is with me, ours is the Kyerumption.”
“Okie dokie,” Cordelia looked at Angel. “I don’t know what the beast is but I’m saying it’s better than this champion leaving freaky notes. And how did he get in. And what the hell is Cryingupsion” She stamped demanding an answer from Angel.
“How am I supposed know, I was with you, and your security here is non- existent.”
“Great detective you are. Pooh. Won’t save me, won’t have sex with me. Pooh, Nev was right I should’ve gone to the ‘bs’ or the ‘cs’.
Angel turned slowly towards the pouting woman. A few things were popping through his head. One, he’d not had a vision in two days, and in those vision free days he’d been driven crazy by a very beautiful woman, who talked too much and second, he hadn’t had a vision in two days and he felt non-paranoid urges- ones that centered on the young pouting stamping foot woman in front of him.
Then there was the pure vampire/ male- Angel wasn’t sure which-urges, but he really wanted to shut the woman up with a kiss. Did she just say sex? Oh god, she was bringing it up again.
“Cordelia, I won’t let anything happen to you, okay.”
“Fine, sure, won’t have sex with me either, no problem, goodnight, sleep tight, keep all the bad guys out, I’m going to bed.”
Angel stood still watching the young woman stomp towards the bed, tearing the top comforter and all the floral debris to the floor. She stood, shifting her shoulders. Oh, she was playing with something she had no idea about. Angel watched the golden dress fall to the floor. He did not know that Cordelia had a tattoo. It hadn’t shown up in the movie.
Angel picked up the shimmering dress taking a deep breath before folding it up in the chair. He walked out into the hallway, pulling out his cell phone, calling Wesley telling him again that they weren’t at the Bel Air, but that everything was fine. Liar.
Angel stood at the doorway of the bedroom. Since Buffy and Doyle, Angel had never been tempted to want for a connection to life and humanity. The attempt with Buffy and love ended in tragic failure.
Doyle had showed him friendship was still possible, but Doyle died and that pain and loneliness had just compounded on the loss of Buffy. Wesley tried Angel knew that but something was missing, maybe it was the time of coherency that made talking beneficial and gave the seeds of friendship, something Angel lacked when Wesley came into his life.
Was he crazy? Angel didn’t feel like it now. He hadn’t sensed the last vision, since Cordelia came back into his life. Angel looked into the room. He wouldn’t be taking anything she wasn’t willing to give. It wasn’t love- joy, happiness, how could he feel that when if he went to her it would be sex only. Cordelia knew just slightly more than any whore on the street knew about him.
Except Cordelia wasn’t a whore and she did know what he was and she knew to be afraid. But she wanted him. Why? Yet, she couldn’t accept him totally or love him, she would be safe from Angelus, the vampire reasoned. She couldn’t love him and he didn’t love her. But he did want her.
Angel went in.
“Change your mind.” Cordelia said from the bed, her body sitting up against the backboard. “Or just watching in case another note shows up.” She gazed at the vampire.
Angel stared at the young woman. “Which would you prefer?”
“Dumbass.”
“Was that a yes or no.” Angel smiled moving closer.
“Does it matter?”
“Yes.” Angel stopped.
“Yes, then.” Cordelia bit her lip, her eyes caressing the dark figure before her.
Angel really wanted to fall to his knees and shout hallelujah and thank god, not realizing how much he wanted to be there until the moment she said yes. Angel paused and knelt on the bed, silently staring at the young woman. Cordelia had taken her ‘star’ make up off, the shimmering gown had been exchanged for a cotton sleeveless t-shirt and boxers.
Boxers? Angel stalled in his movement, sitting on the bed, just looking. Where was ‘Cordy’ America’s sweetheart, the girl with a million dollar smile? What he saw was so much more, almost too much; she was real, innocent, beautiful, sexy and waiting. God, he wished she would stop looking at him with such longing. Where did that come from? Angel thought he should run, leave, but then again the beautiful, enticing woman was waiting.
“Changing your mind? Okay,” Cordelia gave a soft smile turning into the sheets. “It’s probably for the best anyway.”
“Yeah, probably,” Angel said, his mind throwing away the last vestige of doubt as he followed his body’s desires.
“Angel,” Cordelia blinked at the vampire that had some how managed to move her completely under him with out her yelping out or even realizing it.
“It will be easier to watch you, if I’m in you and holding you.” Angel whispered, his hands moving quickly under her t-shirt and down her boxers.
“Angel,” Cordelia leaned up, gasping small breaths. Cordelia shook a little at the dark gaze that penetrated her down to her soul, pushing up sparks from her toes.
“Do you want me to stop?”
Cordelia stalled a moment shivering at the growl and force behind the words. “I want you to kiss me.”
Angel leaned in further, brushing the dark strands from Cordelia’s face, his thigh breaching the barrier of the closed soft thighs. “You hesitated Cordelia,” Angel wasn’t sure why he was pushing his luck or why he was letting the confidence of Angelus intrude.
“I…”
“You did,” Angel leaned up, his thigh still making its presence known but that was it.
Cordelia moved as much as she could and studied the vampire, she scrunched her face in contemplation.
Angel suddenly wanted his hand to join his thigh in teasing the young woman’s center because he had the eerie feeling that his confidence was premature.
Cordelia lifted up her hand to Angel’s face. “Don’t make me a game, Angel, you do that, I’ll leave so fast and if I can’t then….”
“Stake me.” Angel said helpfully, pulling her closer.
“Don’t.”
“Cordy,” he moved his hand touching the juncture his thigh had been pressing.
Cordelia froze. This wasn’t a pick up or even a friendly date, or god forbid somebody that even loved her. It was an unrealistic dream from high school, one that she had forgotten as soon as she knew the truth about what the dark handsome stranger was.
Nothing was different now- except that Angel was interested- he was also crazy. She didn’t need this. Now how to tell a vampire No, god how stupid could she be.
Angel stilled his hand. The welcoming body had tensed freezing, god he wanted in. Angel didn’t want to leave. It was so goddam warm and real.
Cordelia realized then that she couldn’t say no. She had already said yes. She brought her hands around the vampire bringing him closer.
Angel suddenly didn’t want to be near the young woman; she was colder than he was. He moved away.
Cordelia scooted sitting up, tears filling her eyes, feeling like the fifteen year old that told the quarter back yes, then no, then realized that no meant nothing after you said yes. Only this quarterback didn’t even want to bother forcing the issue.
Was that bad or good? She really wanted the still man on her bed to hug her, but how was she supposed to ask that. She felt so stupid. Cordelia wasn’t 15, she was a TV star and she couldn’t have a one-night stand correctly.
Angel was ready to just leave, except, Cordelia was crying. Not big tears, he wondered if she even knew they were trailing down her beautiful face. He didn’t think so; she did nothing to brush them away or the moisture dripping down her nose. Angel didn’t know Cordelia as well enough to deserve being in her bed, but he did know that Cordelia would never let anyone see her in such vulnerable state. He almost felt honored except that he caused it.
“Cordy, I’ll go. It’s okay.” He tried.
Cordelia shook her head; she ran a tongue around her lips. “I’m sorry, I ….” Cordelia bit her lip and stared at the vampire. “I want you to kiss me, I want you to hold me, I want you to make love to me, I want…. I just want Angel, I’m a TV star but hey, I’m still just a stupid girl from Sunnydale.” She smiled tentatively. “Sorry, don’t go. Please.”
Angel turned. He wasn’t equipped to deal with the varied emotions he saw running through the young woman’s eyes. He wanted to leave. He had to leave. Angel turned to tell her somehow and then he saw it again. Trust. For some reason, somehow Cordelia Chase trusted him. He knew he hadn’t earned it Sunnydale, he didn’t know her in LA, but she was completely open to him. God, those eyes could say so much.
“Kiss, uh,” he slowly smiled, reaching for the young woman. Cordelia moved, her face leaning in as Angel touched her lips.
The kiss moved and grew on its own. Angel swore he had just wanted a little taste to take the situation slowly. He wasn’t going to leave, he had decided that but he wasn’t going to go beyond what Cordelia directed. Except, Cordelia wasn’t directing anything but the ravishing of her mouth.
The initial kiss had been awkward and simple in execution, but now- as soon as the lips met, something else took over. Angel wanted to say lust. It was the closest thing that he could name. Cordelia murmured cradling her body closer into his as her fingers entangled into his hair. Angel growled as the heat seeped in through the fabric of his pants. God if she stopped, she couldn’t. Now he was the one pleading.
Cordelia leaned up, her pink tongue darting along her swollen lips. “No games.” She said, pulling off her t-shirt.
Angel watched as breasts, the breasts he had been glancing at all night in their shiny prison came free. “Oh, Cordy, there’ll be games, but of the fun kind,” Angel smirked, pulling her under him, his mouth attacking a nipple.
Cordelia moaned, pushing her body closer. “Angel.”
Angel lifted his head, his chin on her chest, his hand caressing her face brushing away angry strains of hair. “Trust me.”
Cordelia scrunched up her face and small disbelieving hopeful smile centered on her face. “Okay.”
Angel smiled up at her consent.
“Wow.”
Angel cocked his head at the young woman.
“You need to do that more often- Smile silly,” she said at the vampire’s perplexed expression. “You’re really adorable when you do that.”
Angel was unprepared for the flush of heat that accompanied her words. He fought the unfamiliar feeling. “Is that better than being a dork?”
Cordelia laughed, tugging Angel up. “You’re not done kissing are you?”
Angel brushed his fingers again along her face. Cordelia’s eyes were amazing. He could get lost in them. He scrunched up his forehead as his fingers gently touched the skin around the beautiful gaze. Angel was getting lost. He closed his eyes and he knew every color, the brown the golden hues, even that spark of green- that gaze was as familiar as any memory but the touch was unfamiliar.
“Angel?”
He looked up at the worried tone.
“No, never.” He leaned into capture her lips answering her question. And god forbid, he meant it. Angel’s hands cupped possessively around Cordelia’s face as he explored, his kiss deepening to take in all of the young woman’s taste.
Cordelia gave a small whimper in her throat as she allowed the vampire to move her body closer to his. Cordelia crept a long leg up and around Angel’s hips drawing him even closer, her hands quickly tugging at the shirttails still secured by pants.
Just as quickly, Angel’s hands divested Cordelia of the boxers that hid the rest of her body from him.
Cordelia squirmed; Angel’s hands and lips were everywhere, creating burst of sparks along her skin, making her want to scream out. She choked biting on his shoulder.
Angel growled pulling up, tossing his shirt overhead. His pants followed on the floor. His body went immediately back to the warm soft one so willing and beautiful on the bed. Angel wanted to bury himself with no thought, but the soft hands and rain of kisses along his face and torso brought him up.
He stared at the hazel eyes that were so familiar. The changing eyes had stilled into an intense deep brown full of desire. Angel slowly kissed at the dark orbs. His desire suddenly supplanted with the need to please the woman beneath him. Angel knew deep down he wasn’t being magnanimous.
He just wanted to make sure that both Cordelia and ‘Cordy’ the TV star would remember and want this lovemaking more than any others.