Chapter 12
“They’re still on the ride?”
The attendant nodded. “Boy, that guy is slow. Usually, it only takes two or three turns for the girl to be all over the guy. Probably should have kept them up top for longer.” Watching Angel and Cordelia’s cart get higher.
“What are you talking about?”
“Action, man. Girls love it up there. It’s a sure thing.”
Wesley and Gunn stared at the attendant then up at the Ferris wheel.
“You don’t think…”
“They wouldn’t, they couldn’t? Angel’s definitely has feelings for Cordy, but he wouldn’t.”
“Sure, he would and so would she, it’s Moira.” Fred happily nibbled on her corn dog.
“Moira- what are you talking about, girl?”
“The undeniable physical attraction. It’s goes with Kyerumption. Angel and Cordelia got Kyerumption.”
“I’m not disagreeing with you, they definitely feel something more than friendship but there is no action going on up there.”
“There better not be, or we got a whole lot of Angelus shit to worry about.” Gunn said.
“Angelus?”
“Angel’s soulless…”
“I know who Angelus is. I read Angel’s file. But he’s gone.”
“Girl, you obliviously didn’t read the fine print.”
“Yes, I did, but I overheard Lorne and Angel. Angel’s soul was made permanent months ago.”
“What? Why didn’t he tell us.”
Fred shrugged. “Angel was worried about Cordy’s reaction about him and Darla. I know who she is, too. She’s an old vampire girlfriend of Angelus. Though, Cordy doesn’t have to worry about any old girlfriend. She and Angel have Kyerumption. I think it’s sweet that they want to stay up there. It’s romantic.” Fred took another bite of her corn dog.
“Angel’s soul is permanent?” Wesley gazed up at the ride. “Interesting, maybe they will finally admit their feelings for each other.”
“Fred, wanta take the next ride on the big wheel? I’m game.”
“I’m sure that it would not be a good thing for Fred to get on that ride after eating those corn dogs. Remember, Fred how you said that you got sick after eating the cotton candy and going on that ride when you were a kid. Shouldn’t take the chance. How about some more stuff animals?”
“A gold fish would be fun.”
Wesley smiled smugly at Gunn’s disappointed expression.
***
Cordelia gazed off into the ever-changing horizon. She really didn’t want to continue this truth bearing session with Angel. Enough embarrassing and dangerous truths had been revealed. Though, what more she could reveal, she didn’t know. Except that maybe she really wanted Angel to put his arm around her again.
Being in love with the vampire was so not smart.
Thoughts slowly started to return to Angel’s consciousness. The first and foremost being that Cordelia not only loved him but also was IN love him. He discounted the ‘probably’ in her earlier explanation. How? When? And why did that particular thought make him happier than he ever thought possible. Could it be that he was IN love with her too, not just that he loved her.
Yes. Angel smiled -that was it. Everything made sense now. The way he would get all stuttery and stupid around her, trying to please her all the time. His desperate need to always keep her safe. The warmth and contentment he felt every time she smiled at him. And then there was very real desire he finally allowed himself to acknowledge. Angel smiled. He was happy. He studied the tense young woman beside him.
Cordelia wasn’t.
“I’m not in love with Buffy. I haven’t been for a while. Probably even before I realized that I could go on living when I thought she had died.”
“You did feel guilty about it. You felt guilty because you love her.”
“I felt guilty because I had loved her and thought that I would always love her and thought I was betraying her not just because I could live without her, but because someone else had become more important to me than she was.”
“Angel?”
“Cordy, you have become the most important person in my life. Your life, your happiness, your safety are more important than anything, Buffy, my life, my fight for the powers. I love you and not just as a friend.”
“Don’t ever say that.” Cordelia glared at the vampire.
“I do love you.”
“Don’t you ever say anything is more important than your redemption and the mission. Don’t.” Cordelia pounded her small fist into his chest.
Angel captured her fist holding it close. “I won’t ever say it again.” He wouldn’t if it upset Cordelia, he just would never stop knowing it or believing it. “Can I at least say that I’m in with love you?”
“You really do love me?” Cordelia’s fingers spread out along his chest, digging at the material of his shirt. Her face tilted upwards, her eyes pleading for reassurance.
Angel pulled her to him, his hands moving to cradle her face in his palms. He stared as Cordelia’s tongue nervously wetted her lips. He watched. Its movement fascinated him. He wanted to capture the darting pinkness.
Cordelia tensed then melted as Angel’s lips engulfed hers. She followed his lead, sucking, nipping and caressing, their lips moving together gathering strength and force.
Cordelia’s hands tentatively started to glide up his sweater becoming more confident as Angel’s lips became persistent. A dull ache was expanding in her belly, making her feel empty needing something to fill it. Instinctively she knew that she only chance she had of curing the ache was in the hands of the vampire that had caused it. Cordelia reached around his neck, finally finding rest in his hair, pulling him closer.
It wasn’t helping. Angel was still too far away. The ache was just growing. Cordelia wiggled trying to move her hips and legs to allow Angel to press in even further. Angel turned to the side, his hands on her hip straddling her over his thigh. He cupped her buttocks molding and caressing, his lips never leaving her mouth.
Cordelia sighed into his movements, the emptiness was filling, but the ache wasn’t going away. Rather it was turning into a desperate need, it was if her all body and an itch that had to be scratched or she would go crazy.
Cordelia squirmed trying to find relief, bringing her hands down reaching under his coat, her fingers clutching and pressing at the fabric of Angel’s shirt. Angel brought his hands to the small of her back holding her against his body.
Cordelia leaned back her head. Angel’s lips caressing her cheek settling into nuzzle and lick at her neck. A moan almost a growl ventured from his throat as his hands moved under Cordelia’s blouse as his teeth tugged at it’s neckline.
Cordelia jerked as Angel’s hands found her flesh. His hands roamed and moved, fondling at her stomach caressing up to the lace of her bra. She moved instantly back pressing her flesh into his touches. It was the only way Cordelia knew to satisfy the ever-changing ache and need. Her own hands found their way under his sweater.
Angel’s touch became insistent as her own traveled up and down bringing heat to cool flesh of his back. Cordelia’s shirt and bra was pushed up as Angel’s lips engulfed a nipple.
Cordelia’s hands stilled. Desire. It was desire pure and simple. Or rather not that simple, Cordelia never felt such overwhelming sensations take over her body. She tried to think, tried to restrain it. She was getting frightened of her mind’s inability to control her body’s actions. Her body was ignoring her frantic thoughts to slow down, to pause and give her time to think.
Of its own volition, her upper body moved slightly back giving Angel the room necessary to gain better access to her breast. Her grip on his shoulders became tight as his hands moved to the waistband of her pants. Cordelia clenched her eyes shut as the friction of the gentle insistent fingers rubbing against her panties ignited the ache in her belly into short bursts of electricity, each causing intense pleasure.
Cordelia softly gasped pressing against the stroking fingers. Her hips moved instinctively trying to emulate the rhythm, trying to keep the pleasure, trying to bring it to an end. Cordelia’s hands floundered, fluttering haphazardly against Angel’s shoulders. The bursts of pleasure were increasing in length and intensity. It was almost painful.
Her nerves were tittering on the edge. There was no way to end it but to let go, not to think, to give up the last bit of control over her body and actions. It scared the hell out of Cordelia. She tensed jerking away from Angel’s touch trying regaining some measure of power over her senses.
“Cordy.” Reaching automatically, Angel’s voice thick with desire.
“I…I can’t.”
Angel clenched his reaching hands and struggled to reign in his instincts. He had said that he had better control, that he wouldn’t force his desire on Cordelia. But that was before he actually tasted her, touched her, felt the heat of her moistness in his hand, felt the warmth of her touch over his skin.
It wasn’t Angelus he feared, but something worse- his own souled response to her. Angel forced his love to temper the violence that threatened at Cordelia’s rejection.
“I…I’m sorry..I.” Hiding her face.
“Cordy?” Angel gently lifted her chin. Tears clouded her eyes. “What is it?” No longer was Angel’s voice rough, just tender and questioning.
Cordelia closed her eyes and brought her hands up over her ears. She couldn’t look at him, didn’t want to hear his soft voice. It was so pathetic and embarrassing. All of it, her tears, her reaction. She wanted to just disappear.
Cordelia felt her hands being moved, heard his soft questions. Angel wouldn’t let her. She blinked away her tears, brushing at them. A harsh broken laugh escaped from her lips. “This is so stupid.”
“Stupid?”
“I want to, but I’m scared okay.” Wiping again at her tears.
“I won’t…”
“It’s not you okay, it’s me. I’ve never felt like this before. I’ve only been with one other person. And Wilson shouldn’t count, considering how that turned out, kind of turned me off on the whole sex thing. Sure, I kissed a lot in high school, but that’s not sex. And here you are all Mr. Vamp experience. What if I do something wrong. God, this is embarrassing. What if I can’t?” Covering her face again.
Angel was surprised. He had always assumed that Cordelia was experienced. She was always so confident in her sexuality. And she was never lacking for male attention that was until she started working with him. But, she dated a lot back in Sunnydale. And then there was Xander. He had just assumed. Which was very stupid of him.
Angel knew that Cordelia wasn’t the promiscuous type, no matter the comments the idiot Xander made about her before and after they broke up. Angel could kick himself, when was she suppose to have gained all this experience. She was only twenty years old. How could he have forgotten how young she was? And Wilson had been her first. Angel knew he should have killed the bastard.
“Don’t be scared or embarrassed. Please.” Angel brought her gently back into his arms.
“Easy for you to say, you’re not the one spilling your lack of sexual history.”
“That’s NOT embarrassing. And, you know about the furies. That’s embarrassing.”
“That’s just ewwy.”
“Yeah, that’s my recollection of the encounter too.”
“Sure it is.”
“No, really. I’d forgotten how cheesy they were.”
Cordelia giggled into his jacket.
“Come on the ride is almost over. We’ll go home. Oh, and Cordy there is no way you could ever do anything wrong.”
“Angel…”
“No. Believe me.”
Cordelia started to feel her breath shorten and heat pool in her belly at Angel’s intense stare and low voice. Angel loved her and wanted her. He looked like he would devour her right then and there. She was starting to believe him. Maybe she could do it.