“Hi, Bye, shower.” Cordelia barreled in and slammed the bathroom door.
Gunn raised his brows past his non-existent hairline at the entrance.
Fred shrugged. “She’s been held captivate and tortured and almost died maybe she needed a shower. She probably just wanted to use my shampoo.” Fred shook away her puzzlement at the fact that it was the same shampoo that Cordelia used, in fact Cordy was the one that bought it for her at that expensive salon.
But then Cordy probably didn’t have hers with her being all captive and everything. It had to be the shampoo because Fred really couldn’t come up with any other reason why Cordelia would barge in to use her shower when Angel had one right across the hall and then there were the ones down the hall, in fact the whole hotel was full of them.
Not that Fred minded Cordy could use her shower anytime she wanted, but the shampoo thing was the only reason she could think of why Cordy would.
“Q-U-A-R-K’ Fred said laying down her tiles, the issue of Cordy and the shower settled in her mind.
“Quark, that’s the funny looking Star Trek bartender not a word, T.V. weird alien person, you lose.”
“No, quark is a noun, any group of subatomic particles having a fractional electric charge and thought to constitute, together with their anti-particles, all baryons and mesons. Originally coined in 1963 by U.S. physicist Murray Gell-Mann.”
“Uh.”
“I won.” Fred smiled widely at the scrabble board that rested between the couple’s knees.
“Next time we’re playing ‘Galaxy is Mine’,”.
“Really,” Fred’s eyes got wide. “You never let me play.”
“Yeah, well just don’t get your buttery popcorn fingers all over the joy stick”
“You never complained before.” Fred pushed up her glasses and leaned back on the bed.
“Down, nasty girl” Gunn laughed.
***
Cordelia wavered to knock or not. She was a little unsure. One because she wasn’t really sure Angel was through with his shower and she wasn’t quite sure that she was ready to see him in a towel again and two, she was just a little furious. She would go with furious until she got over the butterflies and weak muscles.
“Hmmph.” She stared at the clothed vampire who was gazing dejectedly out the night window.
“I’m sorry.”
“You should be. You all concerned about what I’d be missing, so you give it to me just so I’d know. Thank you very much. My potential of frustration just skyrocketed a few hundred degrees. And what’s worse I think you did it on purpose, too prove some stupid man point.”
Angel turned. “Will I ever be able to lie to you again?”
“Better not.” Cordelia huffed then sat on the bed. “Fred and Gunn think I’m crazy.”
Angel stared at the young woman. Her body warming up from what had to be as cold of a shoulder he had taken, it was already getting flush again. Her wet hair framed waves around her pout. God, he wanted her.
He had kept the hand that had touched her out of the water for the longest time, trying to recapture the feel, the taste, even through the material of her pants he felt her heat, it seared him, they both were truly lost if he ever touched the unprotected heat.
“Cordy,” Angel moved to the woman.
She scooted back. “Stop, you’re dangerous.”
Angel paused. “Yes, and if you remember that and I remember that, then this won’t happen again.”
“I knew it. You forgot.”
Angel winced a little at that. “I thought that….”
“Your need to prove a point would be stronger. A challenge. Not much of a challenge. I’m surprised you’re not disappointed.”
“Cordy.”
“I was pretty easy.”
“With me.” Angel smiled that same smile the one that started the whole thing in the first place.
Cordelia narrowed her eyes. “Exactly how much is the soul and how much is Angelus.”
Angel stepped back. “I think the evil indiscriminate killing and torture could be labeled purely Angelus.”
Cordelia laughed. “I’m thinking that still leaves a lot of danger in you my sexy, broody, pain in the ass, dork, wonderful, dark, issued-filled champion.”
“Cordy,” Angel knelt at the bed at her feet. “I love you and you’re right.”
Cordelia made a face but still smiled. “What we need to do is talk about my plan now. We won’t be able to fix the other mess here, in this room, right now.”
“But we will, you said we could. Cordy, I didn’t think…” Angel wasn’t sure anymore, he knew after the fact that he had been arrogant and a fool to tempt himself. He really had gone into it thinking that he could control himself under the circumstances and he did, but definitely not as well or as smoothly as he had hoped.
Cordelia tilted down, caressing the strong insecure face before her. “We will.”
Angel’s dead heart soared at the confidence for her words. He knelt back. “You had a plan.”
“Yes, but before we put this other issue away for the night- Angel, I do love you and among all of the other pleasure you give everyday, you have the ability to…” Cordelia blinked away and licked her lips then biting them as she gazed back to the face that was waiting.
“To give me amazing physical pleasure, leaving me with dreams and desires I should hate you for, but I don’t. I love you and I know you love me. You proved a point tonight, a rather obvious one, but still valid, but have I? I believe that everything will be okay. I’m happy, even though, I know what I’m missing. I believe this because we love each other; I believe that we will help the helpless,
I believe bad first starts aside, or second with you, we are good people, we deserve happiness and I believe that we will have it. You will get Connor back. Our family will be whole. It will. I’m feeling pretty happy right now, aren’t you? Angel, you have to trust. Can you?”
Angel stared at the young woman’s beseeching eyes thoughts of his need to possess her body fleeing as the eyes bore into his, thoughts of his fears and doubts ran away just as quickly, he was left with nothing but her beautiful eyes and the words of the Conduits, spoken in answer to his final plea.
The meaning of the words spoken in this chamber before. That what scares you the most, you must trust. She may, she is stronger than expected. Can you?
The Conduits words, Can you, asked with doubt just as Cordelia was doing now. She believed in him, but could he believe in himself, that was what she was asking, what the Conduits were asking. He looked at the beautiful woman on his bed, he could take her and destroy her in a second with one swift move, she’d be under him and dead, he was the physically stronger, yet, she was really the stronger, her faith was unlimited just like her love. Angel moved back, he didn’t deserve….the thought stopped.
If he had said that out loud, Cordy would’ve hit him. He had to believe, not just that he loved her and that she loved him, but that he was entitled to love. It was difficult, years with the soul had made him doubt his self-worth after all the atrocities of Angelus, who was he kidding he had doubts as to his worth when he was human.
Angelus was the only time when he hadn’t and that was because the demon hadn’t cared. But Angel did, he wanted to be worthy of Cordelia’s love. He glanced again at the young woman, who had remained uncharacteristically silent during the last few moments.
“Help me.” His voice cracked as the real truth of what he wanted came crashing down.
Cordelia blinked away her forming tears, and held out her arms, moving her body closer, grabbing the vampire and hugging him with all of her love. “We can do this Angel, we can have Connor back, we can have our family back and we will figure out how to love each with out the risk of Angelus. We are the goods guys, they do get a break every once in awhile and its time for ours.” She murmured into his hair, her hands moving in comforting pattern along the vampire’s shoulders and back.
Angel buried his head into the giving chest. It was safe there. Angel would be all right if he could just stay in the confines of the warmth that cradled him. But, he also knew that he couldn’t stay there, Cordelia loved him to be sure, but she didn’t expect him to hide but to fight for the mission and what she thought they deserved. Angel leaned back up, kissing her tenderly on the lips.
There in the softness of that gentle kiss, Angel had another epiphany. He didn’t really like it. His clarity wasn’t at all fair to Cordelia. But it was what he knew to be true. Angel brought his forefinger down Cordelia’s face. “You deserve more than you’ll ever know, more that I can ever give you, but I’ll accept willingly all that you offer. You are my love and my anchor and what will save me. I TRUST you.”
Cordelia leaned away from his reaching touch. “Angel, you have to trust yourself, not me, I mean, yeah you can trust me, but…Angel, geez that’s quite a lot of pressure there. I can’t be your redemption.”
“Tough, you’re tough, you’ll deal with it.”
“Angel.”
“No, Cordy, you can do this for me.” Angel moved his expression sure and filled with a confidence that was absence before. “I’m selfish. Always have been, I’ve tried the martyr bit, I don’t like it. I have you. I love you. You will save me. You have proven that time after time. I won’t give you up.”
“Angel, no ones asking you too, and why am I feeling a bit nervous right now.”
“Because Cordelia Chase I’ve just laid my heart and soul at your feet, they’re yours do with what you see fit.”
“Angel, I can love you, I can help you, but I can’t….Angel the choices you make have to be yours. They have to be.”
“My choice is mine, I choose you.”
“Angel,” wringing her hands more and her voice cracking. “I can tell you want to do, I can yell, guilt whatever, but they have to be your choices- that’s how your soul will be redeemed. As much as I like the idea, you CANNOT really follow me around like a little puppy.”
Angel smiled. “But I like following you around.”
“Angel, stop what’s wrong with you.”
“Nothing’s wrong, soul safely in place, I just know that I don’t necessarily trust the Powers, but I do trust you. But, I know you have enough courage and love and heart, that you’re decisions will be the right ones for you, for me, for our family. I trust you Cordy.”
“Angel,” Cordelia fidgeted. She didn’t like this. Sure, she told everyone what she thought. But, Angel, like this, like he would take her word as golden, what if she was wrong. She had been wrong about ‘evil’ Skip. He trusted her too much. She couldn’t…” Angel, I can’t.”
“Trust Cordelia, you can, now what was your plan?”
“My what?” Cordelia tried to focus. She did have a plan. Cordelia just needed to remember it. ‘Okay,” she breathed deeply, amazed and wondering how she, the selfish girl in high school, became the heart of anything, much less Angel and the scary thing was Angel believed it.
Cordelia rolled back her shoulders; she did have a plan, one that would work, and one that would bring her family together. “Easy” she said with the confidence brought on by trust and love.
“Find Justine and make her tell us exactly how Holtz died. Then we get Connor from Wolfram & Hart and tell him the truth.”
“That’s your plan?” Angel wondered how a couple of hours of angst and pleasure could conclude with a two-sentence plan, but he was very happy at Cordelia’s expression. She didn’t doubt, she knew that this was the way to proceed. Angel shrugged.
“Yes, and if we have to give that little evil Pollyanna a whooping so be it. Oh, and once Connor’s safely with us, Wesley will quit Wolfram & Hart and come back where he belongs.”
“Wesley’s…”
“No, Angel. I understand why you wanted him there. Destroy from within- I get it. But it won’t work or at least it won’t be worth it. Our family is the priority not revenge against Wolfram & Hart. If they find out about Wesley, they will kill him. He has to come to home.”
Angel got off the bed. “I want….” Forgetting for the moment that he had just relinquished pretty much everything to the woman sitting before him.
“To tear the place apart. I know. Look, Angel, I’m not saying we can’t kick some lawyer’s butts in the process, the more the merrier, but the priority has to be getting Connor and Wesley away from them.”
“Cordy, Connor still doesn’t trust me, he won’t want to come.” Angel was confident that his trust in Cordy was right; his instincts were just still having a hard time not just going and killing the threat.
Angel straightened, he wasn’t weak any longer, his demon would not control, he had already proven that when he left Cordelia on his bed without just taking her and all that she promised. He could wait for that happiness just like his demon could wait to kill. Cordelia had told him that everything would be okay.
Angel began to believe that even his demon recognized that its survival began and ended with the woman in his arms.
***
“Pooh, he can’t like it there. And you know what it doesn’t matter, I know I was all for giving him room, letting him come to you on his own and I believe at the time I was right or would’ve been without the interference by whatever plan Justine put in motion. No, we need him home, and then we can deal with everything else. Tough love, buster, Connor needs it.”
“I don’t…”
“Angel, I’m right and once we take care of that then we can concentrate on us.”
“Us, I like the sound of that.” Angel smiled pulling her up into his embrace, wanting all over to bring that amazement of ecstasy back to her face, wanting to delve in all that she offered.
He smiled and just kissed Cordelia. Kissing was good and kissing was safe. Angel deepened the kiss making the most of what they could have of each other.
Cordelia leaned up taking a breath, her hands resting on his shoulders. “Me, too. I’ve been thinking, Anita’s brothel had the paranormal prophylactic elixir that allowed me to keep the visions when…”
Angel kissed her quickly stopping her words. “Don’t mention that potion, please. It’s purpose, the whole debacle of getting it, everything…I’d really rather not think about it ever again.” Angel’s tone was upbeat, only because he was forcing his instincts down, he had always hated the fact that Cordelia asked him to go on that ‘little’ mission for her and Groo and worse that his inability to refuse his seer forced him to go.
Those imagines brought out his inner-voice; it was mumbling kill, kill, kill, but it was only a grumbling not a real need. Angel knew its normal scream was being tempered by the knowledge that Groo had flopped it up. Though a part of Angel was strangely mad about that, Cordelia deserved everything and the bumbling hero couldn’t give it to her. Wait. He was glad about that, no more thoughts of killing needed.
Cordelia started to speak but rethought her words at Angel’s expression. “Angel, it happened okay and as…. not comfortable for you as it was, and it was really stupid of me to ask you, but ….you are my best friend…and whatever….it did happen and Anita had potions to stop prophecies, maybe also curses. It should be checked out.” Cordelia paused at Angel’s silence.
“Unless, you’ve decided that finding a way to make love, isn’t on the things to do list.”
Angel’s head shot up.” Every possibility will be checked out,” he growled, yanking Cordelia back into his arms, kissing her with all the love and desire that was running rampant through his body or rather what he could handle.