Chapter 3
“Xander, this has really been the best three months of my life. But I think we both need space….no, no….God that one reeked.”
Cordelia took a deep breath and tried to summon a sad but wise expression, staring into her own eyes in the mirror. “Xander, I want you to know that it’s not you, it’s me….yikes. OK. Try to not suck here. Xander, you mean the world to me….but, we both need to move on…..we’ve grown together, and now we’ve grown apart….you’re wonderful, and you deserve someone who really appreciates your, you know, wonderfulness.”
Cordy sighed as she picked up her backpack and scooped up her keys. “We can still be friends. I want us to keep the specialness of us….” She swept out of the room and then poked her head back in, flipping off herself in the mirror. “Cordelia, you blow chunks.”
For the last three nights, she had lain in bed, awake and preoccupied and unable to sleep. She had thought about her life, or lack thereof since offering up her popularity on the sacrifice alter of scooby worship. Not like ditching Xander would fix that, but she could certainly be enjoying someone a little hunkier if she was going to be exiled to geekland.
And, truth be told, she didn’t know that she wanted to be back in the fold with Aura or Harmony or Tiffannee. Jeeze. Drop a vowel or two, Tiff. Cordy of the old would shimmy into her latest and shortest skirt and stiletto her way back into the graces of the Queen’s court. But this Cordy……
This Cordy had seen a little of life beyond the covers of Elle. This Cordy had personally dusted two vampires all by herself, and this Cordy knew that there was more to life than great shoes. There was also death. This Cordelia Chase had decided that, faced with imminent graduation, i.e. real life, she was going to jettison the trappings and muck of life that was holding her down.
Xander was sweet and kind and goofy and funny, but, she was sad to say, he was muck. Sooooo…..jettison in progress. Goodbye, Howdy Doody, hello, Salty Hunk of Goodness. Aieyiyi.
She raced the Queenmobile into the Sunnydale High parking lot and squealed to a stop, climbing out and gathering up her books. Mentally, she checked off her day. Test on Brave New World, French III conversation outline due, break up with Xander, and nail appointment after school. She sighed. This day was so going to suck. She had really hated Brave New World.
Like, life was full of little trade-offs. Being in a permanent state of happiness seemed like a good plan to her. Apparently not to those without a cool car and a closet full of Prada, but those people were, typically, whiners. She did not sit and whine. She was not a sitter. She was a doer. And now, she was doing what needed to be done.
“Cordy!” she turned as she walked up the sidewalk to the school entrance. Xander ran up to her and hooked an arm around her waist. “Hey, my girlfriend. We just keep running into each other.”
“Only because I don’t run away fast enough.” Cordelia smiled to soften the snark. Apparently she didn’t make it as soft as she tried to, because his arm dropped away and he stepped back a little, looking around and not meeting her eyes.
“Wow. Ya mad at me?”
“No! No, I’m not. I’m….just….I’m…..Xander…..”
He nodded, looking down. Cordy felt incredibly guilty. Xander hadn’t done anything; she was the one who was tickling tonsils with Angel on the sly, and here she was, kicking Xander like he was some sad little puppy. She was so low.
“Listen…I’m sorry. Haven’t been sleeping well. Maybe we can get together at lunch? I’d really like to talk.”
Xander nodded. “Yeah. Talking. Of the boyfriend girlfriend kind. OK.”
Cordy nodded, wondering why Xander was acting so uncomfortable. She had nailed him way way worse in the past and it seemed to roll right off him. “Ok. We’re done. See ya at lunch.” And she set off, already reworking her breakup speech to make it a little kinder.
***
Lunchtime, and Xander was nowhere to be found. Cordy checked all their favorite makeout haunts, even behind the furnace in the basement, and there he was not. OK. Typically, lunch meant cafeteria, but she had looked there first, and no Xander. Stymied, she wandered into the library, and poked her head in.
The room was empty and she was turning to leave, when she spotted Xander’s backpack laying on a table. She walked slowly into the silent room and looked around.
“Xander?” no answer. She looked in the empty bookcage, and Gile’s office, and even behind the counter in case Xander was once again hiding, waiting to leap out and scare her. She was about to turn to leave when she heard a muffled noise from the upper stacks. She walked cautiously to the stairs, and climbed them, an uneasy feeling tugging at a corner of her mind.
Up the stairs, to the right, and down one short aisle. The muffled sounds grew louder…and clearer…and Cordy grinned. No danger here, unless panties had been removed. Someone was having fun of the naughty, mackage kind. Curious, she peeked around the corner of the stacks and felt her jaw drop.
Later, she would look back and wonder which was the bigger shock: seeing Willow locking lips with a person who was seemingly enjoying himself, or seeing that the person was Xander. Cordy held still, frozen in disbelief. Just as she was turning to go, Xander raised his eyes and blanched, seeing her as she stumbled back.
“Cordy…ohgod.”
Willow went even more pale, if that was possible, and she stepped back from Xander with a horrified look on her face. Cordy looked at her with disgust before turning to Xander. “Wow. I guess talk of the boyfriend girlfriend kind couldn’t hold a candle to this. Ratbastard.”
She turned to stalk down the stairs and picked up her speed as she heard Xander running to keep up. “Cordy….ohgod”
“You said that. It sucked, then, too.” Cordy ripped the library doors open and ran out, Xander hot on her heels. He grabbed at her arm and spun her around.
“Please, Cordy…I’m sorry, please….”
Cordy yanked her arm away and slapped at Xander’s hands, mindless of the small crowd that was beginning to gather. “Damn straight you’re sorry. You’re a sorry piece of shit, that’s what you are. I KNEW something was up….I knew you were being goofy…goofier than usual. Willow Rosenberg? Willow Queen of the Nerds Rosenberg? Are you fucking insane?”
Cordy’s voice had taken on a high screech, and Xander began to look around, panicking. He reached out a hand to Cordy and she smacked it away. “DON’T TOUCH ME! I can’t believe I thought we…I mean, I thought you and I….”
Her voice trailed off. “Close the book on us, Xander. That is the deal. You’re a loser, and you belong with a loser. It’s just best if you keep to your own kind.” She walked away and turned to walk back to him. “Just think of this. I wanted to talk to you today to break up with you. That’s right…” Xander’s eyes grew wider and looked….surprised…hurt.
“Yeah, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. About how we’ve both grown, and how I hope we can stay friends, and how you’ll always be special, except, not, and please die soon.” And she turned and ran down the hall, past a startled Giles, past a large crowd that had gathered to catch the latest of the Sunnydale Soap. She ran out the door, and down the sidewalk, and climbed into her car, grinding the gears viciously before roaring away in a cloud of angry dust.
She pulled over two blocks away, brushing tears off her face. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. It was supposed to be congenial. The only person crying would be him, begging her to stay, he couldn’t live without her, yada yada yada….that was how it was supposed to happen.
No one cheated on Cordelia Chase. She did the leaving, she did not get left. Sniffing, she pulled back out onto the street and drove home, listlessly climbing her stairs and climbing onto her bed face down and burying her head under the large pillow. It was nice and it was dark and it was quiet there, and she ruled all in her room.
***
The day wore on and the sun slowly dipped down below the horizon. Buffy sat at a table, kicking her legs absently as she looked around, sipping at a cappuccino. Angel watched her from the shadows for a bit, his eyes resting on her face as she listlessly scanned the room. He finally crossed to the table and sat, facing her. She smiled slightly.
“Hey.”
“Buffy.”
Buffy looked at him silently for a moment. He ignored her and scanned the room, looking for a leggy brunette that he knew.
“Angel…” He looked at her. “I wanted……I mean…we haven’t really been alone….”
“Yeah.” His voice was low. “Maybe that’s the way it needs to be.”
Buffy looked taken aback and breathed in deeply, chuckling without any real humor. “Wow. Bad day for the x chromes in Sunnydale, unless you’re Willow….” Her voice trailed off. Angel looked at her, blankly. She sighed. “Cordelia caught Xander and Willow macking in the library. Drama ensued.”
Angel’s gaze sharpened. “Really? Cordelia caught them…macking….in the library?” He was surprised to feel a burst of anger pour through him. “She caught them?”
“Yep. Right there in the stacks. I mean, right THERE. Jeeze. I mean, I knew there was always some kind of lifelong bond between Xander and Willow….I just didn’t know it included the friendly ritualistic exchange of saliva.” She paused, smiling a sad smile. “I bet Cordy’s real pissed. Only thing that makes my day better….”
“…Is the thought of Cordelia in pain?” Angel finished evenly.
“Well, no, not in pain, but you know…in not feel good.” Buffy answered defensively.
“Yeah. I know. Had that feeling myself lately. Wanting something less than unhappy, but not feel good. Thanks. You explained that well.” Angel rose and looked down at Buffy. “Bye.” And he walked out the door, leaving a slayer behind who watched him go with sad eyes.
Angel walked out into the night, his hooded gaze scanning the parking lot before he disappeared into the night. No shiny red car that signaled Cordelia’s presence. She wasn’t here. He was amazed at the spurt of protective anger he had felt at the news of what she had discovered.
That had to hurt. Sure, Cordelia had been a possible little buffet for his appetites three nights ago, but she had red-lighted that. She had pulled the brakes because she had a commitment to someone else, and she wanted to not break that commitment.
Angel strode towards the drainage entrance to the sewer lines and wondered when the last time was that anyone he knew made decisions based on honor. Honor was an old fashioned concept, and one Cordelia wouldn’t even be able to name, probably, but she had that very quality in abundance. He moved through the damp darkness with little attention to his surroundings.
Caught with their pants down, so to speak. Angel shook his head. Xander, Angel could believe. The boy was one huge walking hormone. Angel always assumed that his attentions to Cordy had sprung up from being denied access to Buffy. Boys who switch attention so quickly were not necessarily known for fidelity, being far too fickle.
But Willow? Shy, quiet, smart Willow? That one Angel couldn’t buy. Willow was the kind of girls all the young men in his township had avoided till the day they were ready to settle down and produce heirs. Angel had always thought of her fondly as the marrying kind. Not the sex in the library kind. Hmm. Goes to show you. Gotta watch those quiet ones. Especially, apparently, if you date Xander Harris.
Cordelia had to be hurt. Angel frowned. This could put a crimp in the big plan. Not that the plan mattered more than Cordelia’s feelings, but…damn. He’d been able to think of little else but the soft skin of her thigh, and the way her tongue stroked and curled around his. He paused a bit, reaching down to adjust his pants. His cock seemed to have taken on a life of its own, and was apparently building that life around Cordelia. Angel sighed.
The saving grace here was that Cordelia was no small girl, she was a woman. Experienced, slightly worldly, very sure of herself. This would be a hot trip to pleasure for the both of them, and, a little lesson for the young woman on the merits of being able to distinguish the lapdogs of the world from the Men.
Angel looked up into the inky sky as he emerged from a drainage tunnel by the mansion. Let her lick her wounds…let her settle down….and then he’d make his move. He could be patient. He wanted his woman fully engaged, and not mourning the loss of the boylove of her life.
***
Back in Cordelia’s room, she looked at herself in the mirror as she smoothed lotion over her smooth legs, tanned and long. She rose and looked at herself. Makeup, perfect. Dress, barely there. Smile, perfect. Hair, bed-hair sexy. She’d cried all afternoon. She was done. Xander thought kissing the poster child for boring was the end all, have at it. She had places to go, people to see, Vamps to mack.
She scooped up her car keys and ran out the door and climbed into her car as fast as the 5 inch Manalos would carry her. Ya lose one boy, go get another. And she had just the “another” in mind. Lookout Angel. Queen C was on the prowl.