Part 4
A long intense moment passed as Cordelia and Angel just stared at each other, their glance never waivering.
Slowly she walked over to the door that led to the balcony. She folded her arms around her rubbing her shoulders trying to warm herself in the chilly night air.
“What are you doing here?” She hardened her gaze trying her best to slip into Queen C mode.
“You’re cold.” He stated noticing her movements, which abrubtly stopped in pure defiance, as she dropped her arms to her side.
“I’m fine”
“You keep saying that, but for some reason I’m not believing you.”
“You never answered my question. What are you doing here?” She intentionally ignored his comment.
“I came over to see how you were doing.”
“I’m…”
“Fine, yeah.”
“Right.” There was an awkward pause as they both shifted their gaze away from the other and then back again a few moments later.
“Cordelia, you are anything but fine.” He finally spoke up.
“What gives you the right to tell me how I feel.” A fire flashed in her eyes.
“I thought we were friends.”
“Oh, one night of talking makes you an expert on me? I think not. You don’t know the first thing about me.”
“Maybe not, but I know enough to know that this is not you.”
“It is me! How many times do I have to tell you? The girl you thought you saw last night doesn’t exist! This is the real me.”
“No.”
“Stop arguing with me! I think I know me a bit better than you do, considering i’ve had 17 years with myself where as you’ve only started paying attention to me yesterday. It’s not like we’ve started this big forever bond. It’s not like you even care! You are just like everyone else.”
“No I’m not.” He stated firmly.
“Yes you are or you will be. Everyone always brushes me aside and you will be no different. So why not cut to the chase and you can walk away now.”
“I’m not going to leave you, Cordelia. I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“God, what do I need to do to get rid of you?” He was being way too sweet, this wasn’t supposed to happen. He was supposed to leave and now she didn’t know what to do.
He leaned back on the railing and cocked his head to the side. “You want me to go?”
“Uh…yeah. Isn’t that what I’ve been saying?” If he left now she’d be free and wouldn’t have to worry about breaking down in front of anyone.
Angel nodded reflectively then bent down inches away from her face, looking directly into her eyes as if trying to find something. She felt a little uneasy at being so closely scrutinized.
“I don’t believe you.”
“I don’t care what you believe. I’m going back inside.” She couldn’t take this anymore, she felt her defenses falter even further. She knew she had to get out of there or else all the walls she built would crumble.
She slid the glass door open only to have a hand come from behind her and shut it again. She turned around sharply and their eyes locked. She was trapped and a bit frightened under his hard gaze. Needless to say, he had her attention now.
“Cordelia, you don’t have to pretend with me, ok?” his voice was soft and comforting, allowing her to relax a bit. “I can see right through you. You aren’t this person anymore. You can’t go back to the way you used to be; you’ve changed. And if you want to know my opinion, it’s for the better.”
Her eyes began to soften a bit before the moisture started to show behind them. She bit her lip trying to stop the tears that were at this point inevitable.
“Oh, Angel” He pulled the sobbing girl towards her. She felt so protected and eased into the embrace instantly. No one had ever shown so much concern for her and it touched her.
He just held her, letting her cry on him for as long as she needed. He stroked her hair and whispered words of comfort to her letting her know that it was okay and that he was there for her. He was relieved that she finally broke and that the girl he saw the other night wasn’t gone for good.
After a good five minutes she stepped out of his embrace and wiped her eyes.
“I’m sorry. God, I must look like shit huh?” She bit her bottom lip shyly.
He reached out to cup her cheek. “You look beautiful. You’re Cordelia Chase right? How could you look anything less than perfect?” She chuckled lightly at his comment and then looked up at him flashing her famous 1000 watt smile. He couldn’t help but return the smile.
“Thank you Angel. Thank you for not giving up on me. You being here means a lot to me.”
“Hey, I told you before I’ll always be here for you. If you ever need to talk or someone to lean on. You don’t have to revert to being a bitch, it’s not you anymore.”
“I’m not so sure. I get respect when I’m a bitch. People notice me.”
“Yeah, but you shut yourself off and that’s not a good thing to do, Cordelia. Don’t you know how damaging that can be? Why do you want to be void of all feelings?”
“Like I said before, it’s better than the alternitive. I have less of a chance at being hurt.”
“No, you have less chance of someone being there for you when you do get hurt. You are hurting right now, but instead of letting your friends be there for you, you cry in your room alone.”
“What friends, Angel? What friends?” A few tears started to fall again.
“You got me, I’m your friend.” He wiped her eyes with the pads of his thumb.
“Yeah, you’re the only one. No one else cares. Not my parents, not Buffy and her gang, not even my fucking boyfriend, ex-boyfriend,” she ammended, a wave of guilt washed over her. “He was so confused when I broke up with him.”
“You broke up with Xander? Way to go, you were way to good for him.”
“Be that as it may, I still hurt and cunfused him. I feel guilty.”
“Don’t. He probably had what you gave him and more coming to him for a long time. He wasn’t right for you?”
“Yeah like I’m really gonna take love advice from a vamp who tried to kill his last girlfriend.” Angel winced at her comment and her smile faded. “That was meant as a joke, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, it’s not like it’s not true.”
“That doesn’t mean that I have the right to throw it back in your face like that, even for a lame attempt at humor.”
“Hey, it’s ok.”
“Why are you so nice to me?”
“Why? I don’t know. There is just something about you, Cordelia Chase, something that makes me want to get to know you better. What are you fishing for compliments now?”
“No, I’m my own biggest ego booster. Though, it doesn’t hurt to have a cute guy give it a boost every now and then.”
“You think I’m cute?” He gave her a small smirk at which she rolled her eyes at.
“Ok, yeah you are a hottie, but then again you already knew that I thought that. It wasn’t too long ago that I flirted shamelessly with you. Until I figured out that you and Buffy had the big forever love and I’d never stand a chance. That and the vampire thing was a bit of a turnoff.”
“So you moved on to Xander, cause he’s so much better for you.”
“Well, you know how that turned out. Why is it that every guy that I like has to have a Buffy complex? What does she have that I don’t, besides the slayer strength and all that?”
“I don’t know.” He stared down at his feet starting to feel a bit uncomfortable at they way the conversation had turned.
“Angel?” He looked up at the sound of his name.
“Hmm?”
“If Buffy wasn’t a factor would you have maybe given me a chance? Ya know back then?”
“If you were the Cordelia that you are right at this moment, I most likely would’ve. I like the girl that I see in front of me. The vulnerable, witty, nice, beautiful girl that I’m proud to call my friend.”
“You are too sweet ya know. Better watch it or you’ll inflate my ego even more.”
“Wouldn’t want to do that. So what about me? Don’t vampires with a soul get ego boosts?”
“I already said that you were cute.”
“That’s all I get?”
“Stick around and you might get more, emphisis on the might” He smiled wildly at her. “Besides, I thought the slayer’s constant gushing would be enough to inflate anyones ego.” His smile faded at the mention of Buffy.
“Things with Buffy are complicated to say the least.”
“You know this friend thing goes both ways, ya know if you wanna talk.”
“Promise not to tell her or anyone?”
“Who am I gonna tell, you are the only friend i’ve got.”
“Alright. Ever since I came back from hell things have been beyond strange between us. When we kiss it’s like that spark and fire that used to light up my soul is just gone. Being with her feels so empty. It’s like we are two different people and she’s not the same girl I fell in love with. I’m trying to do the ‘just friends’ thing, but we were never friends to begin with so that makes it almost impossible. All I know is that I don’t want to hurt her.”
“So you are going to make yourself unhappy just so you don’t have to hurt her? That’s wrong.”
“Well in case you’ve forgotten me being unhappy is a good thing.”
“No, you can be happy, just not perfectly so. You deserve some form of happiness. Buffy, yeah she’ll be hurt, but she’ll get over it. Don’t pretend something you don’t feel.”
“Maybe you should take your own advice.”
“No, you are not gonna do that thing.”
“What thing?”
“The thing where you take my advice for your totally unrelated problem and turn it around to fit my life, when it doesn’t.”
“Doesn’t it?”
“Please drop it. I won’t revert to Queen C mode when I’m alone with you and that’s all I can promise right now.”
“Ok I’ll drop it for now.”
“Thanks.”
“Well it’s getting late, I should probably go so you can get some sleep.”
“Be careful, ok?”
“I will.”
“I just got a real friend and I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to lose you.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and he returned the embrace. He rested his head on the crook of her neck. Being in her arms with her scent surrounding him felt so natural and just right like nothing had since he’d returned.
Neither wanted to let go of the embrace as they just lost themselves to the comfort that the others ebrace promised.
So oblivious were they to everything around them that they didn’t notice a figure below the balcony with a crossbow aimed at Angel’s heart.