15
Wesley stared grimly at her and Cordelia couldn’t do much else but stare back, the weight of his words hitting her heavily. They’d had crazy missions before – other dimensions, time travel, body snatching – but this was by far the craziest. In all her years of working for the PTB, she never thought they’d send her to hell. Granted the case was a big one and higher beings almost always worked in mysterious ways, but this was a little ridiculous.
Her eyes met Faith’s equally bewildered ones, then Buffy’s, wordlessly communicating with her friends as the silence stretched thin between them. As quickly as the shock had surprised her, it began to fade, leaving in its departure a sense of resilience and determination. They were strong, individually and even more so together, and they really hadn’t come across much they couldn’t handle. It was hardly like them to back down at the first sign of something that scared them. And Cordelia wasn’t a coward, she never had been.
Hell, falling in love frightened her and she was on her way to staring down the barrel of the gun.
Wesley shifted, looking apologetic. “Perhaps if I talk to the Powers That Be…”
“So they could spout more of their cryptic mumbo-jumbo?” Faith shook her head. “We could go to hell *and* back by the time it takes you to work out what the hell they’re saying.” She paused. “TWICE.”
Wesley stared at her, astonished. “But – ”
“She’s right.” Cordelia stood, shrugging. “What has to be done has to be done.”
Buffy grinned. “Try ‘A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do’ Cor.”
“Right.”
They were all on their feet now, Wesley looking at them like they were out of their minds. “This is incredibly dangerous.”
“Right, cos killing vampires – no offence, Angel – and demons and jumping in and out through time and dimensions, that’s all a cake walk.” Faith said sarcastically.
“Compared to this it will be!” Wesley protested. “Look, after considering it I really think – ”
“Yeah, we got it the first five times, Wes.” Cordy patted his shoulder in an obvious effort to be reassuring and get him to shut up all at once. “We’ll be fine.”
“And if you’re not?”
“We always are.” Cordelia smirked. “Plus, how cool is it to say I’ve been to hell and back?”
“We could order t-shirts.” Faith chipped in.
Wesley shook his head in disbelief. “Honestly, the lot of you, you just – ”
“I’ll go.”
Angel’s voice cut Wesley off and they all turned to look at him curiously, realising he’d been strangely silent all this while.
Faith made a face. “Well duh. You kindof need to be there, it *is* your soul.”
“Exactly.” Angel stood to his full height, towering over all of them. “I should be the one to go to the home office. I don’t want anyone else put in danger because of me.”
“Sounds like you’re trying to hog the glory.” Cordy quipped, trying to lighten the suddenly dark mood.
Angel glared at her. “I mean it, Cordelia. You don’t know what it’s like down there. You feel cold and dead and completely alone, like the world’s ending around you and you cant do a damn thing to stop it.” His glare softened and he framed her face, ignoring Wesley’s fidgeting. “I don’t EVER want you to feel that way.”
Cordy sucked in a breath, earlier nerves from Wes’ revelation fluttering back to life inside her stomach. But she’d made up her mind – she had a job to do and she was going to get it done.
“I’m really feeling the love over here, by the way.” Faith muttered.
Cordelia ignored her, closing her hands around Angel’s as they cupped her face. “You have to know that I care a lot about you. And I would never do something to deliberately defy or upset you.” She stood straighter, just about coming up to his nose. “But this is what I do. And I have been doing it for a long time, long before you came into my life. And I am going to keep doing it, Angel. This is our job and we are going to finish it.”
Angel swallowed his eyes hardening. When he tried to jerk his hands away, she held them in place. “You know what else?” She continued. “I *want* to do this. I want to finish it and I want to be a part of it because I want to help you and I want you to be happy.” Cordelia squeezed his wrists. “This isn’t just a job or an obligation, Angel. It’s your life.” She smiled softly at him. “It’s our future.”
“She’s right.” Buffy confirmed. “I mean, it may not be our future,” She gestured vaguely to herself and Faith, “but we do care about you Angel. And we want to help.”
“Obligation’s too big a word for my dictionary anyway.” Faith said with a grin. “Job on the other hand – ”
“Yes, thank you Faith.” Wesley groaned, lifting a large rolled up sheet from his desk and shoving it in her general direction. “Why don’t you do something constructive by being observant?”
Angel was silent, seemingly fighting a battle within himself to make the right decision. Finally, he tugged his hands from Cordy’s face, pulling her into a brief, tight hug. “Okay.”
Cordy squeezed his waist. “Okay.”
“You make it hard to stay mad at you.” Angel whispered into her hair. “You’re a pain in the ass, but somehow you’re hard to stay mad at.”
Cordelia grinned. “It’s a rare talent you wont find in many other women.”
Angel tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I don’t think I’ll bother looking,”
“What are we missing here?”
Faith’s voice had Cordy pulling out of Angel’s arms and taking a seat as her friend squinted through the magnifying glass, shaking her head.
“Look closer.” Wesley ordered, perching on the edge of his desk.
Buffy frowned at him, then returned to her scrutiny of the blueprint. Faith and her exchanged glances. “I don’t see anything, Wes.”
“Exactly.” Wesley huffed, rolling his eyes and coming forward. “Did you consider WHERE you’re going to gain access to the home office?”
Faith’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t like trick questions.”
“It should work anywhere.” Angel said. “As long as you’re in Wolfram and Hart or on their grounds.”
“Oh.” Wesley appeared put out at his wind been stolen and the answer being declared in such an anti–climatic manner. “Yes, quite right. And I suppose you know what the portal is disguised as?”
“An elevator.” Angel replied immediately. “That’s what it was last time anyway. Oh, and that’s where we’ll need…” His voice trailed off but he lifted one the sheets of paper, pointing to an image.
“The glove.” Cordelia said.
Faith raised an eyebrow. “Eureka.”
“What does it do?” Buffy asked. “Aside from, you know, the obvious.”
Angel shook his head. “Last time all I needed was the glove. It might be irrelevant if the coin and the key are what grant access to the portal.”
“Except it’s likely that security was heightened since then.” Wesley said. “The last thing Wolfram and Hart want is someone else as easily able to get in as you were.”
Angel’s lips curled into the tiniest of smiles. “It wasn’t exactly easy.”
Cordy rubbed a hand down his back. “So you think the glove’s important?”
“It’s likely. Then again, it may be something as simple as pushing the button.” Wesley shrugged. “Regardless, once you’re in the home office, I’d probably be more comfortable if you didn’t make physical contact with anything without wearing that glove. It’s unlikely to be healthy to touch things that are tainted by pure evil with your bare hands.”
Buffy frowned. “But there’s only one glove.”
“Relax Buff,” Faith said, “I doubt any of us are eagerly gonna be feeling up the furniture. We’ll just keep our hands to ourselves. Speaking of which,” she looked at Angel and Cordy, her arm around his back, his fingers massaging the tip of her collarbone, “could you two get a room already?”
“Shut up, Faith.”
“Duly noted.”
***
“I’ve managed to locate the whereabouts of the key but we’re going to need the location of the coin.” Wesley looked up at the girls. “Perhaps it’d be best to do a spell of some sort. Oh, that reminds me…” He stood, walking over to his desk and removing an envelope from the first drawer. He handed it to Buffy as he sat down again.
“What’s this?”
“I knew from the very beginning of this case that we were going to need a witch.” Wesley admitted. “For several things really – the procedure of returning Angel’s soul, location and security spells, any last minute safety precautions…” He looked up at Buffy. “There are three tickets in that envelope. Two are for you – a return from Los Angeles to Sunnydale. The other is for Willow Rosenberg.”
“Willow?” Buffy smiled. “Man, it’ll be good to see her again.” She pocketed the tickets. “When do I leave?”
“The earliest bus I could get you is the 11.23am on Wednesday.”
Buffy’s eyes widened. “That’s not for another two days.”
“True.” Wes frowned. “Who knew Sunnydale was so popular?”
“Not me.” Cordelia scrunched up her face. “And that’s SunnyHELL.”
“Let’s not bash.” Buffy warned. She turned to Wes. “Don’t you need some sort of material object for a location spell?”
“Yes, actually…” Wesley perked up, sitting straighter in his seat. “Perhaps it’s best if you know a little history beforehand. As far as ancient chronicles go, location spells came about as a result of experimentation between the tribes of – ”
Cordelia groaned, turning her head into Angel’s shoulder. “Make him stop…”
Wesley glared at her. “For your information, this happens to be incredibly interesting and important information without which we would never even be able to – ”
“Wesley.” This time Faith cut him off. “Forget the storytelling. We get it, there isn’t going to be a spell in the present without this material object anyway. And some of us have things to see and people to do.”
Buffy jerked her head up almost violently, sucking in a shaky breath. Angel shot her an odd look.
Faith continued oblivious. “What kind of object exactly are we talking here?”
Wesley released a resigned breath. “Well, do you have anything of Gavin Park’s from when you pick-pocketed him at the club?”
“The keycard?”
“No, not personal enough.” Wes shook his head.
“Why Gavin?” Buffy asked.
“Not necessarily Gavin, Eve will do.” Wes crossed his arms. “Anyone senior enough in the sordid hierarchy of Wolfram and Hart is likely to know about the establishment and the location of the coin.” His brow creased. “Aside from Angel of course, for obvious reasons.”
“Alright.” Faith said. “Any ideas?”
Angel looked up. “Will a lock of hair do?”
“Absolutely.”
”Well, there’s a party at Wolfram and Hart this Wednesday – ” Angel started.
Cordy peeked out from under his arm. “A party?”
Angel smirked. “Yeah. It’s just an office get together, not celebrating anything in particular but it’s kindof a big deal and I *do* know that Eve will be there.” He shrugged, looking at Wesley. “It’s not really my scene so I wasn’t exactly planning on going but I could take Cordelia as my date. One of us should be able to get close enough to Eve to get a strand of her hair.”
Cordy’s eyes lit up and she sat up straight, tightening her hold on his arm. “Do I get to dress up?”
“Sure.”
“I’m in.” She grinned.
“Excellent.” Wesley said, jotting it down into his notebook. He pointed at Cordy. “You may need a wig. After all, the security guards have seen you.”
“So I have to sit on a bus for hours and Cordy gets to doll up and go to a shindig?” Buffy gaped. “Behold the unfairness!”
“Oh, get over it.” Cordy grinned.
Wesley ignored them, turning to Faith and pulling a small slip of paper out of his notebook, handing it to her. “Faith, that leaves you. I’m going to need you to go this address,” He tapped the sheet, “It’s a key manufacturer’s, has keys for everything under the sun. Show him the image of the key. Keep in mind he’s only open on certain days of the week.”
Buffy rested her chin on her palm. “Why are the key and the coin kept in two separate places?”
“Because if they weren’t? That’d be TOO easy…” Cordy answered, rolling her eyes. “Murphy’s damn law…”
“He’s not going to give it to you willingly, Faith.” Wesley told her.
“Don’t worry.” Faith said resolutely. “I’ll get it.” She slipped the papers into her trouser pocket.
Wesley nodded, getting to his feet. “Good. Well, as long as you all know what you’re doing…”
“Great.” Faith stood abruptly, grabbing her scarf and winding it around her neck. “We done? Cause Victoria’s got a Secret with my name on it and I need to motor.”
“Oh?” Cordy blinked at the sudden shift from the case. Faith had a one-track mind and ants in her pants when there was a mission in the works. Only this time, her partner-in-crime fighting looked like she had something in her sights all right, but it wasn’t Wolfram & Hart. Cordy glanced at Buffy, who’d developed a strange upward tick around her mouth where a smile normally was, and then back at Faith, who didn’t notice anything out of place. “Big date?”
“Oh, yeah.” Faith winked, heading for the door with a broad smile. “Have breakfast without me. Later, girls.”
“See ya,” chirped wispily out of Buffy’s mouth. Then the room was silent upon Faith’s exit for several seconds with an unexpected tension in the air before Buffy too rose to her feet, quietly sliding her arms into her jacket and walking towards the door. “I’ve gotta be going, too.”
Cordy frowned, standing. Okay, so why was nobody but her sensing the sudden weirdness? And, while they were on the subject, where the hell had it come from? “Buffy?”
“I’m fine, Cordelia.” Buffy said quickly, and then just as quickly said nothing else.
“Not one to intrude or anything,” Cordelia shot back, ignoring the look on Buffy’s face that fairly screamed ‘since when?’ back at her. But she decided not to push, for the moment anyway. “Call me if you need me?”
“Sure, but I’m good. Tired, that’s all.” Buffy collected her things and shrugged off Cordy’s concern with a smile that lacked its usual lustre. “Honest.” Then she walked through the door, shutting it with a sharp click behind her.
Angel, who’d watched the entire exchange with muted curiosity, stared at the door for a long minute after she walked out of it, his brow creased. “Does Buffy have a thing for the guy Faith’s with?”
Surprised, Cordy couldn’t help but smile. She leaned up on her toes, kissing him on the cheek. “You’re a strangely perceptive man, Angel.”
***
Faith placed her keys on the nearest table as she shut the door to her apartment, placing the Victoria’s Secret bag on her couch. She grabbed at the stray clothes she’d tossed and left on the couches, lifting the bag and heading into her bedroom.
Once the dirty clothes were chucked into the laundry basket, Faith stripped off the ones she was wearing, lifted out her newest purchases and slipped into them. She’d selected a deep black and red silk bra-and-panty set, the top and bottom of which were cornered with lace. Faith pulled a wife-beater over her head, sliding into her jeans as she ambled into the bathroom, pulling her make-up bag out of the cabinet.
Tonight was kind of a big night she supposed, especially since she’d waited a little longer than usual to sleep with Xander. Usually she just laid her cards down on the first date—it made it easier to avoid any unnecessary complications or misunderstandings. Life was short. Why not just call a spade a spade and be done with it?
Even so, things with Xander were different from the get-go. Not that they were what you’d call serious or anything close to it, but Xander deserved better than that. He was Buffy’s best friend, after all, and the last thing she wanted to do was ruffle those feathers. But, more importantly, she really did like the guy. She didn’t like thinking about where she would go with things—going with the flow has always been more her style—but if her and Xander did pursue a relationship, Faith doubted it’d be half bad.
What the hell, she had fun with him—that was what mattered now anyway. There wasn’t much point in thinking about anything that came after that because she knew from experience that she’d only end up bored, underwhelmed or disappointed. Why screw up a good thing, right?
Faith, swept the eyeshadow over her eyelid a final time before rubbing her glossed lips together and winking at her reflection. The doorbell rang a few minutes later and Faith smiled, switched the bathroom lights off and headed towards her front door.
Xander wasn’t going to know what hit him.
***
“Buffy!” Cordelia’s voice sounded through the door, followed swiftly by her fists. “It’s me, Buffy, open up.”
Buffy looked up from where she was curled on the couch beneath her favourite cashmere throw. She hadn’t exactly planned on moving from this spot so quickly but when it seemed likely that Cordy’s banging would break down her door, she had little choice but to get up and let her in.
She slowly opened the door until Cordelia’s concerned face came into view. “Hey.”
“Hey,” Cordy said, stepping inside her apartment. She crossed her arms, shaking her head as though she was trying to gather her thoughts, to think of the right words. “Buffy…what’s going on with you?”
Buffy swallowed, tears pricking her eyes unexpectedly. She’d been fine so far—hadn’t cried, hadn’t opened the Rocky Road ice cream—but all it took was someone else asking her what was wrong and now she was ready to turn into a freaking fountain. “I told you, I’m fine.”
“Don’t bullshit me,” Cordy said firmly. “For god’s sake, Buffy, even Angel could tell something was up with you—which is a genetic anomaly if ever I’ve seen one.” She ran a hand through her hair. “It’s Faith and Xander, isn’t it?”
Buffy licked her lips, not entirely sure what to admit. On one hand, she wanted to get it off her chest. And on the other, she wanted to pretend everything was okay and take this particular confession to the grave.
“I thought you were okay with them?” Cordy asked.
“Yeah, I am. I mean, of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” Buffy said, rubbing her arms distractedly.
“Say it one more time and maybe one of us will believe it.” Cordy cocked her head and arched an eyebrow. “C’mon, Buffy, this is me you’re talking to.”
Buffy looked away and crossed the room, searching for a distraction. For a long time, neither of them said anything. Until finally, Buffy gave into the pressure of Cordelia’s stare behind her. “Okay, so maybe I’m a little not-okay with it. But it’s nothing and I’m over it already.”
“Uh-huh. I can see that by the way you’re about to jump out of your skin,” Cordy drawled back, before she slammed a lid on the frustrated sarcasm. She watched Buffy closely, trying to will her to get whatever was so obviously eating at her off of her chest. “Is it because you think Faith might hurt him?”
Buffy shook her head, closing her eyes. “No, it’s not that. It never was.”
“Then what, Buffy?” Cordelia grabbed her hand, squeezing it. “Tell me what’s wrong, please.”
There was no point in hiding the truth anymore, not when it was pounding through her, flowing through her veins and possessing her heart so she was unable to think of anything else to do but say it. “Like I said, it’s not a big deal. As a matter of fact, it’s funny, really, when you think about it. And I’m sure once I tell you, we’ll both laugh at how ridiculous I’m being. Because there is absolutely, positively, and without question no reason for me to be bothered by the fact that they’re dating.” Buffy knew she was babbling, but she couldn’t seem to stop it before she finally blurted out, “I mean, except for tiny and late-breaking realization that I’m in love with him.”
”Wait,” Cordy scrunched up her nose, confused. “Who?”
Buffy looked at her miserably. “Xander.”
Cordelia’s jaw dropped.
***
The living room was dark as he entered, barely lit by the table lamps and few candles that Faith has set down here and there. She looked good, dressed as she usually was, her hair down, her make-up done—better than good, she looked so *ready*.
Xander felt the butterflies take flight in his stomach as he swallowed, taking the beer she handed him. “Nice place.”
“Thank you.” Faith led him to the couch, taking a seat close to him. She touched his shoulder. “How was your day?”
“Good—it was good!” Xander said a little too loudly. He took a deep breath. “Yours?”
“The same,” Faith said. “Big case, Angel’s soul, you know the rest. I have some business to take care of but nothing I can’t handle.”
Xander perked up. “Really? Cos if you have to work, we can postpone tonight until later.” He started to get up. “It’s not a problem, I understand—”
Faith grabbed his arm, pulling him back down. “Xander, relax! There’s no rush. It’s not for a couple of days.”
“Oh.” Xander wanted to smack the disappointment out of himself. Here he was with a beautiful, sexy, fun woman who wanted to be with him, and he was desperately looking for a way to get out. What the hell was wrong with him?
‘You know what’s wrong with you,’ said a voice in his head. ‘It’s a five letter word beginning with B.’
“Xander?” Faith asked, looking confused. “You okay?”
“Yes, yeah.” Xander nodded. “I’m fine.” He looked up at her. “Sorry, it’s just, been a long day.”
“Hmm…” Faith’s fingers trailed up his arm to his shoulder, gently massaging the back of his neck. “Better?”
Xander gulped. “Sure.”
Faith put her bottle down on the table, kneading the muscles in his neck and back. Slowly, she shifted her weight onto her knees, pressing a kiss to his temple. She trailed her lips down his cheek and nipped the firm line of his jaw.
Xander swallowed heavily, releasing a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. He closed his eyes, tried to concentrate on Faith, on her lips, on her hands as they spider-walked down his front, undoing buttons along the way.
Tried to concentrate on anything but the face of his best friend that kept surfacing in his mind.
Faith’s lips found his, the first touch gentle as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. His own arms fumbled, tentatively settling around her waist, unsure of whether to pull her closer or push her away. Her pace quickened, her mouth opening as her tongue flicked against his, kissing him hungrily.
Xander let her push his shirt open, his eyes fluttering when she kissed his jaw, his throat, his chest. His eyes flew open when she pulled her top over her head, revealing the lacy, satin garment underneath. His body was hardly immune to the breath-taking sight and tightened in reflexive lust. If he just let nature take its course, he’d be panting her name against sweat-slick skin without so much as a syllable of additional conversation. And he didn’t doubt that Faith could make him forget his own name without even trying very hard. But a shimmer of disquiet still ran down his spine and the truth wouldn’t go away.
He couldn’t do this.
Faith’s lips came down on his hard and it took him a second, maybe two, but he grabbed her shoulders, pushing her away as he leapt up and off the couch. He was breathing heavily as he held a hand out, looking down at her with apologetic eyes.
“I’m sorry, Faith,” Xander rasped, sucking in gulps of air. “I’m so sorry but…I can’t.”
Faith sat up straight, confusion written all over her face. “What?”
“I can’t do this,” he said again, shaking his head. “I like you a lot but this isn’t…I’m not—”
“Xander, what the hell is going on?” She’d gotten up now, her hair a little wild as she pulled the top back over her head, crossing her arms. “What’s wrong?”
“I’ve been asking myself that all week, Faith,” Xander said sincerely, his eyes pained. “I’ve been asking myself what a smart, beautiful, sexy woman like you is doing with a guy like me. And I’ve been asking myself why I’m not jumping for joy about it.”
Faith just stared at him, waiting. “That makes two of us. So?”
“Look, I’ve been trying to deny it because I *want* to move on.” Xander said softly. “I want to get past these useless feelings and seize the opportunity when someone as amazing as you gives a loser like me a shot—because what kind of moron doesn’t just fall to his knees and thank his lucky stars that you’d let him near you, much less…”
Faith’s eyes softened. “You’re not a loser, Xander.” She ran a hand through her hair. “Right now you’re kind of an ass, and more than a little confusing, but not a loser.” She sighed, looked at him, and quietly asked, “This is about Buffy, isn’t it?”
Xander bit his lip. “Oh, God, how did you—?”
“Not just a pretty face. I’ve got eyes, y’know.” He wasn’t expecting her to smile then, the tiniest quirk of her lips though her eyes remained sad. “To be honest, Xander, I was a little surprised you made it past first base.”
Xander looked at her, pained. “I’m sorry, I should’ve said something. I just… I thought it would pass and maybe this time—”
“Yeah, me, too…” Faith sighed, taking a seat on the arm of a couch. “I always knew that you loved her. Guess I shouldn’t be all that surprised.” She ran her hands up and down her arms. “Not that I’m not a little disappointed. And not that part of me wouldn’t like to beat your ass for making me waste a perfectly good pair of sexy underwear.”
“But?”
“But, we are who we are. I’ve never taken anything seriously a day in my life—especially not a guy—and you’ve never gotten over this thing you have for Buffy.”
Xander cocked his head curiously, still surprised that she hadn’t punched him and tossed him to the curb, and waited for her to continue.
“But somewhere, somehow you do have to get over this, Xander.” Faith looked at him. “You’ve either got to grow some cahones and do something about it. Or you’ve got to let it go. It’ll kill you if you don’t. I mean, maybe someday Buffy will feel the same way but if she doesn’t—”
“I know.” Xander nodded. “I know.” He reached for his jacket slipping into it. “I have to talk to her.” He looked at Faith for a long moment, his hand on the doorknob. “I really am sorry. About everything.”
“Not interested in your apology, Xander.” Faith shrugged, pretending an ambivalence she didn’t feel. “No harm, no foul.”
Xander stepped through the door, closing it behind him and standing under the porch light. He took a deep breath, the realization of what he’d just decided to do hitting him like a sledgehammer. After a brief moment’s hesitation, he took off down the street, one person in his heart, the same person who had always been there, and one destination in his mind.
***
Cordelia’s expression would have been amusing in a less dire situation—her eyes were wide, her mouth gaping open like a fish. But Buffy couldn’t even seem to smile.
“You’re…” Cordy cleared her throat and tried again. “You’re in love with Xander?”
Buffy merely nodded.
“When… when did this—?” Cordelia shook her head. “How did this—? How did you—?”
“I don’t know,” Buffy said softly. “I… I mean, I always did, as a friend. But then over time, the rest just… happened, without me even realizing it. Then out of nowhere, it felt like I was losing him to someone else and suddenly it really hit me, you know? Especially when that someone else is so close to home…”
Cordy’s expression was contemplative. “Sure, I guess. I mean, it’s surprising but it happens.” She sighed. “Maybe on some level you were always going to fall for him. He’s your best friend and he’s always been in love with you.”
Buffy’s eyes widened. “What?”
Cordy glanced at her. “Oh, come on, Buffy. Please tell me you aren’t that dense.” She half-smiled. “He’s always loved you.”
Buffy swallowed, closing her eyes against the voice in her head that told her she was an idiot. “Fat lot of good that does me now.”
Cordy frowned. “What are you talking about?”
“Hello… he’s with Faith, remember? As we speak no less.”
Cordy rolled her eyes. “Yes, but they’re not serious. Not yet, at least.” She shrugged. “I mean, I’m not saying go in there and break them up, because that would be breaking all kinds of girlfriend rules. But, Buffy… if you feel this way, you have to tell him. It isn’t fair to anyone involved and he has a right to know. Then he can make his own decision.”
“I can’t do that,” Buffy whispered. “I can’t. If he chooses me, it’ll hurt Faith and I’ll feel awful. And if he doesn’t choose me, it’ll ruin our friendship and probably my friendship with her, too. I mean, either way, people I care about would get hurt and things would be awkward and weird between us, and that would be worse than losing him in the first place…” Buffy bit her lip, trailing off.
Cordy paused. “Okay, alright.” She shook her head. “But the fact of the matter is, we could talk about this all night and you’re never going to know if you don’t talk to them. I mean, I get why you can’t tell Xander how you feel yet. But, don’t you think you should at least find out how Faith really feels about all this? Maybe you should talk to her?”
Buffy looked at her like she was insane. “What? Are you crazy? She wouldn’t understand!”
“Of course, she would.” Cordy said. “I’d choose your words carefully and stay out of swinging distance until she hears you out… but, she’s your friend, too. She cares about you, Buffy.” She licked her lips. “Besides, you can’t bottle this up inside of you forever.”
Buffy bit her lip and ran a hand through her hair, realization hitting her like a punch in the gut. “If I don’t, Faith will end up getting hurt.”
“Faith’s a big girl,” Cordy said. “I’m not saying she might not be upset, but she’ll eventually understand. Plus, it’ll be worse if you don’t tell her and something happens.” She stared hard at her friend, trying to make her see reason. “And something will happen between you and Xander, Buff. It’s just a matter of time. The right thing to do would be to go to Faith first.”
Buffy put a hand to her forehead. “So why do I feel like such a horrible person?”
“Because you have one of the biggest hearts of anyone I know, and you’d do anything not to hurt the people you love. Even if you make yourself miserable in the process.” Cordy didn’t say anything for a few seconds. Then her face broke into a beautiful smile. “So, you’re really in love with Xander, huh?”
“I am.” Buffy said softly, swiping at her suddenly moist eyes. “God, Cordelia, I love him so much.”
There was a sharp noise behind her and Buffy glanced up at Cordelia, freezing at the look on her friend’s face. Cordy’s eyes were wide and she swallowed, her eyes darting to Buffy’s.
Slowly, Buffy turned around, her eyes locking with the figure a few feet away.
Xander Harris stood in the doorway, unmoving, an expression of stunned disbelief on his face.