Part 17: Hit Me With Your Best Shot
Buffy wondered how after years spent fighting vampires and demons, after meeting Dracula himself, and after coming back from the dead, how it was possible that she could still be surprised. How anything could shock her.
How she could still look at life and think, “Well, that’s odd.”
Because she was officially surprised, shocked, and the whole situation definitely struck her as odd.
I guess this isn’t the wierdest thing I’ve ever seen. I mean, there was that year that everyone wore those Levi’s T-shirts that said “Button Your Fly.” And that time I caught Giles listening to gangster rap alone in his apartment. Wouldn’t have pegged him as a Snoop fan. But still, this…
“This” was Cordelia. Cordelia fighting. Fighting with proficiency, grace, and more than a little style. Although if you ask me, using a sword is a tad showy. We’re fighting vampires, all you really need to do is stake them. You could use, like, a pencil. There’s really no need to execute a back flip and cut their heads off. And I like to get in one last flippant remark before I kill them. Where’s her biting before-death one liner? It lacks finesse.
The whole operation had lacked finesse. Willow had volunteered to take Dawn home and had left the rest of the group bickering outside Caritas over who would ride with who. Gunn didn’t want to be in the same car as Xander, Xander wanted to sit up front but Spike said no way was Xander sitting next to him. They probably would have been there for hours if Cordy hadn’t silently shaken her head and gone and sat in the passenger seat of Spike’s car.
While Xander whined that Cordy hadn’t even bothered to call “Shotgun” Angel had just watched Cordy while Buffy watched him watching Cordy. His face seemed so stony and impassive. She hadn’t seen him look like that since…well since she and him were dating. The muscles in his jawbone clenched and unclenched in a way that made it hard to tell if he was sad or angry or what.
Wow, he really is reminding me of the good old days. Before Angel got all chatty and able to express his feelings. God that was hot.
Finally Angel just walked up, grabbed a still-complaining Xander, and bodily steered him into the front seat of HIS car. Gunn, Fred and Buffy immediately hopped in the back, even though it killed Buffy to leave Cordy and Spike alone in the car together. They seemed to be having a progressively worse influence on each other.
And bad things happen when a man and a woman are alone in a car together. Bad, naughty things. I will so kill him if he touches her. No wait, I’ll kill her if she touches him. No wait, I’ll kill them both.
At that point it was too late to hop out of the car and commit double homicide, so Buffy just ground her teeth and plotted as the two cars sped off. The drive, at least from her point of view, was quite possibly the most uncomfortable car ride of her life. And that was including the time in high school when Xander had given her a ride home after she caught him giving himself a hand in Giles’s office.
They had followed Cordy and Spike to the park. The entire group had run, weapons out, to a picnic table on the edge of the clearing, where a group of about ten teens were gathered. They had been met with laughter. Lots and lots of laughter.
“What’s wrong with you people? Who are you freaks? Is this some weird role play shit. Get a life you D&D wierdos!”
Of course the laughter had stopped when a group of vampires had arrived. Then it was all “Help! Monsters! Help!”. They had been only to eager to follow Fred to safety while the rest of the group held of the vampires.
And now, here Buffy was, watching Cordy in the thick of the fight. Where’s the girl who worried about her manicure? Who never said thank you when we saved her? Buffy shook off her reflection and noticed that Cordy was actually not in the thick of the fight anymore. She was running away. I would have said that was typical, but this new improved Cordy the Vampire Killer doesn’t seem like the type to run out in the middle.
Buffy looked to where she was running and saw an old wooden playground across the soccer field from the picnic area. Cordy wasn’t running away, she was running to. Because on the two swings of the playground two kids were making out, apparently oblivious to the fact that their friends had just all run for their lives.
Buffy started running after her.
***
Cordelia’s shoes had cost two weeks salary. That was what was running through her mind as she raced toward the old playground. She couldn’t handle worrying about whether or not she would get there in time to rescue the Romeo and Juliet. She certainly couldn’t use the time to begin to process the horribleness of finding Buffy in Angel’s arms.
So I’ll think about my lovely new expensive shoes and the lovely blister that is forming on my heel. If only they made Jimmy Choos suitable for vampire slaying. Who knows. Maybe they do. I should ask Buffy about that.
The thought made Cordy want to laugh. Like Buffy knew designers. Everything about her screamed fashionably low-cost. The girl was Steve Madden, not Manola Blahnik.
Cordelia barreled towards the playground and the two teens finally unlocked their lips to stare at the woman who looked like she was about to have a heart attack.
“You two,” Cordy huffed, “have GOT” (quick breath) “to get out of here. Now.”
The boy snorted. His girlfriend stared disdainfully at Cordy, who was still trying to catch her breath. Damn you and your second hand smoke Spike.
“Um yeah, who do you think you are?” the girl asked. Cordelia noted that unlike Buffy, this girl did know Manola Blahnik. And Prada. And the diamond studs looked a lot like Harry Winston. God she hated LA teenagers. “You aren’t the cops,” the girl continued. “You can’t make us do anything. Maybe YOU should leave.”
I wonder if I was that bitchy in high school? Ha! I was probably worse. . For a brief moment, Cordelia debated leaving the little snots for the undead.
“Look, you two, you really are in danger here. You need to leave.” Cordy tried again, trying to sound authoritative as possible.
“Listen lady,” the boyfriend started, standing up.
“She’s right,” came a voice from behind Cordelia. “You need to go now.” Buffy.
Cordy watched the boy’s face as he looked at Buffy, watched it go white and tight with fear. “Uh, okay. Yeah. Sure. We’ll go. Come on Amber.”
All right. I don’t think so. She comes over, tells them the exact same thing and it works? Why does she have the magic touch?
“Um, hi, yeah, okay.” Cordy just had to ask. “How come when I tell you to go you laugh, but Little Miss Likes to Fight, who doesn’t even know what Earl Jeans are, who can’t tell her Prada from her Payless, you listen to her? What makes her more intimidating than me? She’s only 5’2 you know. She’s like a tiny angry blond midget.”
“Hey,” Buffy said before the young man hurriedly interrupted her.
“She’s not intimidating. The guy with fangs standing behind her is intimidating,” he stated, reaching for his girlfriends hand.
As he pulled her away, she called back to Cordy, “And you really shouldn’t make fun of your friend. YOU look like Vidal Sasson puked on your head. Whatever made you think someone with your complexion could pull off those highlights.” With that, they ran off.
“Bitch,” Cordelia muttered.
“Reminds me of someone I went to high school with,” Buffy said, before choosing to focus on the matter at hand.
Cordy found herself inching closer to Buffy as three more vampires joined the party. It was relatively quiet as the vamps surrounded them, getting progressively more growly and ominous. It made Cordelia nervous.
“So, are we waiting for an umpire or can we make with the fighty,” she whispered to Buffy.
“I was waiting for someone to sing the Star Spangled Banner, but sure, we can start. Now good for you boys?” Buffy asked.
For a while, as kicks and punches flew, both girls stayed relatively silent. Both were aware it wouldn’t last long.
“Cordy,” Buffy said as she dodged a blow to her side.
“Hmmm,” she replied. She was trying not to laugh. The vampire in the vest had just tried to use that Karate Kid move. Vampires and cable television were a dangerous mix.
“Stay away from Spike,” Buffy told Cordy in a faux-nonchalant way.
“Now, why, Buffy, would I do that,” Cordelia replied. Why don’t you stay away from Angel. Why don’t you go home? Why don’t you ever bother to exfoliate? “Spike and I have a good time together. Unlike some people, I manage to relate to the men in my life without all the angst and violence.”
“Spike’s not a man.” Buffy said grimly. “And he’s…you just can’t…Stay away from him.”
“Yeah, well, you stay away from Angel,” Cordy said before she could stop herself. This was not territory she felt like entering tonight.
“What!”
Of course, now that the door was open, Cordy couldn’t very well turn around. “That’s right. Stay away from Angel. Cause you know, there’s no harm that can come from me hanging out with Spike. But every time you and Angel cross paths, it’s like the end of the world. Literally.”
Without turning around from the beating she was giving the vampire in blue, Buffy said, “Ohhhh, sounds like someone’s more than a little jealous.”
Damn right I’m jealous Cordy thought. But that’s not what she said. She said, “Please. I just have a profound desire not to have my boss turn evil and eat me.”
Buffy snorted. “Sure. I don’t believe that for a second. How long have you been trying to get in Angel’s pants? Six years now? I’ve been here two days and he was all over me.”
Cordy hissed as a vampire landed a blow to her thigh. “Yeah, if only I’d known that all it took to seduce Angel was an off-key country song. Oh, and while we’re on the subject of Caritas, making out in a bar? That’s soooo freshman year of college.”
“And just how would you know that Cordelia? YOU didn’t ever go to college,” Buffy spat out.
Cordelia half turned away from the vampire, figuring it would be a lot more fun to just beat the hell out of Buffy. While she debated the pros and cons of picking a fight with the Chosen One, the vamp clipped her across the face. Oh no. I don’t think so.
“How many times have I told you guys…NOT THE FACE!” Cordy screamed. WIthout even thinking she reached down and pulled off one of her precious Jimmy Choos and slammed the wooden stiletto heel into his chest.
“Not too shabby,” Buffy said as the vampire turned to dust. “You know, it pains me to say this, but you’re not entirely awful at this,” she continued, flipping a vampire over her back before turning and staking him.
“Thanks,” Cordy replied just as grudgingly, as she tried to adjust to fighting with one shoe on and one shoe off. “Do you know how much money I save by working out this way instead of going to the gym?”
“Yeah, but you don’t have to deal with demon goo when you take a spin class,” Buffy pointed out.
They had been staking while they were talking and Cordy a little surprised when she realized that they had dusted them all. “That’s the last one,” she said quietly.
“Yeah. But, I don’t know. My spidey sense is still tingling.”
Cordy groaned. “More vampires? Yuck. I’m starting to sweat you know. This dress was not created for sweating.” That wasn’t the only reason she hoped the fighting was over. I want to go home. I want to be alone. Alone. Like I am going to be for the rest of my life. Wow, that’s depressing. I feel like I should go eat one of those entire Sara Lee cakes or something. That always seems to work for women in those Lifetime movies.
***
Cordy had asked if it was more vampires but Buffy didn’t think there were. Something, however, was definitely up.
“You know, it doesn’t feel so much vampy as it feels–”
“Like a big yellow-green gooey demon with scary sharp claws,” Cordy interrupted, eyes huge.
Buffy sighed. Questionably cut hair or not, Cordelia was still asking inane questions. Not that much had changed. “Cordelia, my spidey sense isn’t that specific,” Buffy started to explain. Then all of the sudden Cordy was running at her. She barely had time to brace her body for impact when Cordelia slammed into her and sent her flying.
What the fuck? Cordelia wants to fight me? Someone’s gotten a little to big for her brand new slaying britches. Looks like it’s time to teach someone a lesson.
Buffy turned and saw the big gooey demon Cordy had spoken of. It was halfway down the slide Buffy had just been standing in front of when it launched itself at Cordelia. All the training in the world couldn’t have gotten her out of the way in time and one of the demon’s claws sliced into her stomach. Then the demon flung Cordelia to the ground,leaving Buffy no time to contemplate the fact that Cordy may very well have just saved her life.
She hopped off the ground and stood facing the demon. “Why do you guys always have to pick fights? Can’t we all just get along?”
“You killed my minions,” the demon said, surprisingly articulate for a big slimy mess of a creature.
“You have vampire minions?” Buffy asked. She knew now wasn’t the time to question evil alliances, but it really struck her as out of the ordinary.
“A demon needs followers. The cults and militias ate up a big chunk of the available human minions. So I have to make do with the leftovers.”
“Umm, okay. Well. Sorry?” Buffy offered. She didn’t really feel like fighting anymore and she needed to make sure Cordy was okay. “Can’t you just find more followers and we call it a day?”
“Do you know how hard it is to find good minions? Vampires aren’t known for their loyalty, they are very fickle creatures. I was paying those guys. A LOT.”
Buffy was about to suggest he just write it off as a business expense but realized this wasn’t a conflict she could talk through. She would have to fight.Damn, I’ve already broken three nails. Deciding nice nails just wasn’t in the cards for her, she attacked.
Buffy landed a kick to the demons head. Cordy was right. Sometimes slaying was better than Tae-Bo. Speaking of Cordy….
“Hey, are you okay Cordelia?” Buffy asked.
“Oh, just peachy. This is in no way worse than the rebar incident,” Cordy answered. Buffy was a little worried though. Her voice sounded different. Breathy. Buffy narrowly missed being disemboweled and decided the demon needed to die. Soon.
“Hey Cordelia,” Buffy called. “Mister Pointy isn’t exactly effective against this guy. Any ideas?”
Moving like she was underwater, almost drunkenly, Cordelia tossed her purse to Buffy.
Oh well. Better than nothing. Buffy started hitting the demon over the head with the purse. She figured there was probably enough makeup and nail polish in there to slow him down.
“No. IN the bag,” Cordy cried out.
Buffy tore open the purse and pulled out a stun gun. She immediately used it and once the demon was down she used the strap on Cordy’s purse to hang him from the monkey bars. He twitched a little before the lack of oxygen killed him.
God I love it when I get creative. Buffy glanced down at the stun gun. “Oh me likey. Hey, Cor, where did you get this. I gotta get me one of these bad boys.” There was no answer. “Cordelia?”
Buffy looked over to where Cordy was sitting on the ground. Actually, now she was lying down. And the ground around her, all of the sudden, it looked way too RED.
Oh shit.
***
Angel felt old. He was old, but he physically felt old, which was odd for a man who was eternally about 27. But he felt old and tired and beaten down. And it had absolutely nothing to do with the five vampires he had just personally staked.
“I got the last one,” Gunn said as the body in front of him turned to dust. Angel scanned the area to make sure Gunn was right. Honestly, he didn’t want Gunn to be right. It would be nice to fight some more. Maybe go get a late night snack. And then they could all rent a movie together.
Anything to avoid the mess I somehow managed to land myself in tonight.
Xander and Fred strolled over from the parking lot.
“Did all those kids get out okay?” Angel asked them.
Xander smirked. “Yeah, they were fine. I confiscated their alcohol though. It seemed like the right thing to do. Prevent underage drinking.” He took a pull of the bottle of Southern Comfort he held in his hand.
“I get it,” Gunn said, grabbing the bottle and taking a swig himself. “Kind of like our civic duty,” he said.
“Exactly,” Xander replied, although he still seemed slightly wary of the bigger man.
“Hey, toss that over this way,” Spike called out. “You aren’t the only ones feeling a little thirsty.”
Gunn paused, then finally rolled his eyes and gave Spike the bottle. It was the rolling of the eyes that made Angel think of Cordelia. And the fact that she was no longer anywhere in sight. Buffy had seemingly disappeared as well.
“Anyone know where Cordy and Buffy are?” Angel asked, hoping his voice didn’t betray the surprisingly high level of panic coursing through his body right then.
“I think I saw them running over to the playground over there,” Fred told him, pointing to where she had last seen the girls. The entire group slowly started to walk over that way. There was little talking but much passing of the Southern Comfort.
“Hey,” Xander said when they were halfway across the soccer field. “This might just be the drink talking, but doesn’t it look like one of those girls is on the ground?”
Spike laughed. “I’ll tell you what happened. Cordy finally told the Slayer off and Buffy gave her the old one-two punch. Or maybe just the one punch. That’s probably all it would take.”
“She better not have hit Cordy,” Gunn said menacingly.
Angel refused to think about the possibility of Buffy hitting Cordy. “Cordy can take care of herself,” he told them with finality. He was about to explain that Buffy would never purposely hit a human anyway when all of the sudden he froze.
“Did any of you guys get hurt back there?” he asked. No one answered. “Hurt, cut,anything?” They all shook their heads. Angel was confused. Maybe I’m wrong.
“No peaches, I smell it too,” Spike told him quietly. That’s all it took to send Angel racing off towards the playground.
“Why’d he run off like that,” Xander asked. “What did he smell? Is it me? Do I smell that bad? Are people running from me now? Is that it? Just tell me. You can tell me. I want to know, if I smell, I really want to know.” He was silenced when Fred of all people smacked him upside the head.
“Angel smelled blood,” she told Xander. “And if it’s not ours…”
***
“Dammit Cordelia, I told you to keep your eyes open,” Buffy told the girl on the ground harshly.
Think Buffy think. Oh shit. Oh shit. Okay, think of something besides ‘oh shit.’ Apply pressure. Yeah, that’s what you do. Apply pressure to the wound.
“Hey. Cordy. Focus. Stay awake. I think you might be going into shock.” Buffy felt pretty darn sure SHE was in shock. She could feel Cordelia’s blood flowing through her fingers.
“No,” Cordy said softly. “Shock is what I felt when I saw you in that ratty Homecoming dress of yours. This is pain.”
“What were you thinking?” Buffy couldn’t stop herself from asking.
“Well, I thought the color was all wrong for you and the cut-”
“What were you thinking TONIGHT, when you pushed me? Why did you do it?” Buffy needed to know.
“Well, you didn’t see him coming.” It sounded like Cordy was trying to stall.
“And?” Buffy wasn’t letting this one go.
“And…I desperately wanted more disfiguring scars on my stomach. They are going to be THE accessory of 2002.” Cordy’s joke would have gone over much better if she hadn’t followed it with a moan of pain.
“Anything to be trendy,” Buffy told her. “Seriously Cordelia. Why?”
For a moment, Cordelia just stared up at her. Finally she bit her lip and looked away.
“Buffy. He…when you…he couldn’t go through losing you again. I couldn’t handle watching him get over losing you again.” Cordy refused to make eye contact.
Buffy swallowed. “No one is losing anyone here.” I hope.
Cordelia finally met her eyes and smiled grimly at her and it was something closely resembling a moment, or it might have been, had Angel not run up just then. There was a pounding of feet and then there he was, on Cordelia’s other side. Angel didn’t seem to know what to say or do. He just laid a shaky hand on her cheek.
“Hey you,” Cordy told him weakly.
Angel opened his mouth then quickly shut it. It’s like he was unable to talk. His face. The look on his face made tears gather behind Buffy’s eyelids.
“Hey, Broody, I know I look like the buffet table of your dreams right now, but don’t you even think about snacking,” Cordy said. She was clearly trying to tease but Buffy and Angel could both see it was taking all of her effort. And the effort was totally wasted. No one was laughing.
***
Of course he didn’t know what to say. Of course she took the lead, trying to tease him out of his worry, even though the air was growing thick with the scent of her blood, her fear. She had been afraid and of course, I failed yet again to be there for her. Why should anything be different now?
It was ironic, her joking about him wanting to snack on her. Never had the smell of blood made him so very nauseous before.
When he had run up and saw her lying there, it made him want to die all over again. She was so pale. Buffy’s hands were covered in her blood. And all he could hear were her shallow little breaths and the too rapid beating of her heart.
Angel had known fear before. So often before. He had been afraid for himself, for Buffy, for the people he tried to help. For his son. But seeing this woman hurt, it always did something to him. This strong unstoppable woman. Seeing her in a hospital bed screaming, or when her body would shake for hours after getting a vision, or hell, when she got a paper cut.
It sparked something so basic. So elemental. Primordial.
Despite all the things in our way, despite the fact that I have serious doubts about how she feels about me, I’ve never questioned that feeling. It was the need to possess, and subsequently, the need to protect. Whether she knows it or not, whether she wants it or not, Cordelia Chase BELONGS to me.
He couldn’t tell her that. None of that, not now at least. Not with Buffy here and Cordy’s blood on the ground all around her. He couldn’t manage to say anything. He wanted to grab her, smother her, cover her up but he was afraid to move her. So Angel made do. He gripped her hand and tried to convey, with a stroke of his thumb on her palm, just how much he cared.
Spike ran up. “The Harris boy is calling an ambulance from his cell phone. They should be here in a couple of minutes. We should get her over to the parking lot.” Angel didn’t move. “Angel. Angel!” Spike yelled, trying to get the ensouled vampires attention. He didn’t move. He didn’t blink.
Finally, knowing time was of the essence, Buffy bent down and leaned over to Angel’s ear. “Listen to me Angel. I know you are worried about her. But it’s not that bad. Really. It’s not. She’s losing a lot of blood but she’ll be fine. We NEED to get her to the hospital. She needs YOU to get her to the hospital. Do you understand that?”
It seemed to get through to him. Angel nodded his head, as if clearing the fog from his mind. Gently, as if he were holding most precious jewel in existence, he picked Cordy up. Without saying a word, he started off towards the parking lot.
Buffy couldn’t seem to move. Noting the stricken look on her face, Spike put his hand on her shoulder. He couldn’t offer warmth, but he could offer comfort. For a split second, Buffy started to lean her head towards his hand. Then she caught her self, took a deep breath, and slowly reached up and removed his hand.
They both started walking.