Faking It

Title: Faking it
Author: Califi
Posted: 2005
Rating: N-17-ish
Category: Humour, a bit of smutty fluff
Content: C/A – duh!
Summary: Read Notes
Spoilers: BTVS post Hell. AU
Notes: “Here’s a little one for y’all…” Scorchy challenge… read bottom of fic after, cos I don’t wanna spoil it , lol.
Thanks: To Scorch for a great little standalone to help in my quest to find the ability to write again. Luff you, Mwah!
A/N: Not betared, so my fault if its total crap or full of typos. Cordy didn’t fall through the stairs in this, so no rebar accident. But she did catch X/W macking, so they split up.
A/N 2:  Another of ficlet of mine that I hadn’t uploaded to my Site. (Wow! 2005! Time has flown.) Tidied it up a bit. Hope you enjoy it.
Feedback: keeps my Muse happy and creative, so yes please


“So… tell me why my life just dropped to a level of suck -by being made to patrol with you?” Angel tensed and unconsciously shot an offended look at the blatantly irritated brunette tottering along beside him.

“I could say the same thing,” he muttered under his breath, his hooded eyes dropping to take in the four-inch heels Cordelia was wearing. “You might wanna take those off – the ground through here is pretty-“

Angel had to stifle a grin when she suddenly tripped, landing face first into a convenient puddle of muddy water. “Uneven,” he finished. Biting back the smile, he leaned down to wrap large hands around her ribs and lift her off the ground.

“And I think I just hit rock bottom,” Cordelia grouched. Shrugging off his hands and taking a step back, she sent him a glare that could have stripped paint off a door. But the smudges of mud clinging to her brow and cheeks ruined the effect.

Catching the slight hint of a smirk, Cordelia pffted loudly and promptly turned her back on him. Opening her purse she reached in, rifling around until her hand reemerged with a peach-trimmed silk handkerchief and a silver compact. He hovered behind her as she attempted to remove all traces of her muddy encounter, almost tempted to suggest she just left it. The chances were high that it’d happen again with those ridiculous shoes.

“So what were you and Buffy arguing about earlier?” Turning on her heel to confront him, she went on the offensive. Whatever the blonde had said to her vampire must have been the cause for the stormy expression on his handsome face that, up until a few seconds earlier, had replaced the blank look that usually graced his features since his return from hell.

“It must have been a doozy, cos your face actually had an expression,” she snarked, ignoring the scowl and the “Hey” that fell from suddenly pouty lips.

“I think you’d better take those shoes off.” Angel refused to respond to her question; instead crouching down to reach for the slender straps around her ankles – only to be thanked for his efforts with a swift kick to the shin.

“I can do it. Jeeze!” Cordelia glared down at him. “Not like I’m helpless or anything” she retorted, then looked around before tottering over to a small, low tombstone and sat gingerly on it.

Angel straightened up and watched as she bent forward to undo the straps of her shoes. While waiting (yet again) he thought back to that particular conversation- if you could call it that.. Showing up at the library just a few days after Buffy had told him it was over for good had probably not been a sensible idea. She hadn’t been happy to see him. Instantly grabbing his sleeve and dragged him to one side away from the others.

The ‘You shouldn’t have come’ and his stoic refusal to leave caused the ‘chat’ to become more than a little heated. She’d then decided to get beyond personal with a bitchiness he’d never experienced first hand.

Okay. Maybe he shouldn’t have brought up *that* night (Pre-evil) to make a point: that Buffy had been more than happy to have him around then. Her response had been totally uncalled for. Bringing up his turning evil and being a psychotic asswipe would have been more than enough to make him back off.

Surprising even himself, instead of storming out; all leather duster swishing to show his outrage, Angel had stubbornly refused to leave. The demon the Scoobies were on the lookout for tonight was renown for its toxic blood- harmless to him, but not so much for the others. Even the Slayer.

And then it had happened. After stalking over to stand by Rupert Giles who’d began his speech on the strengths and weaknesses of said demon, Buffy chose the pairings. And yes, guess who she chose for him? Someone else she obviously had no time for either.

Picking up the sound of a soft grunt, Angel’s gaze shot towards his patrolling partner, who was struggling with one of the straps on her shoes… then his mouth dried up on noticing her struggle had gaped the neck of the spaghetti strapped cami she wore, rewarding him with the vision of two plump golden mounds barely held in by the delicate lace demi-bra.

Dear God, that girl was built! It was no wonder his alter ego had decided to tackle her to the ground instead of Willow (who’d actually been nearer). Without permission the sensory memory of that moment hit his brain. Quickly followed by a tightening of his pants. Cordelia was just a young girl, he reminded himself. Yeah, with the curvaceous body of a beautiful woman. His palms itched with the urge invade that scrap of nothing and test their weight.

“Hey, spacey!” Angel blinked, a little startled when her voice broke into his gutter-like thoughts. He looked up to find her staring up at him with a frown. A frown because he’d obviously missed whatever she’d been saying. Which meant she’d missed his leering gawp, for which he was thankful.

It hadn’t exactly been fun for Cordelia seeing those two little traitors tonight. But she’d dealt. Acting like they didn’t exist had really got to Xander Cheating Ratbag Harris. Good. “I said, are you gonna tell me why you had a face like a wet weekend?”

She had no idea what Angel’s beef with the Slayer was, and a big part of her didn’t care. But the obvious discomfort on the vampire’s face definitely sparked her interest.

“Buffy told me she faked it” the words were out before his brain had a chance to change gears. His jaw clamped shut in mortification. crappityfuck!

Cordelia’s mouth gaped for a long moment before a wide grin stretched bronze-glossed full lips. Angel fidgeted uncomfortably, waiting for a caustic remark. He knew it would happen, because that was what she was good at. But the silence stretched along with his nerves as she just stood there and continued to stare.

Then she shrugged. A real casual shrug. Now that wasn’t right. Where’s Cordelia Chase and what have you done with her?

“Most girls at one time or another have faked it.” Now it was Angel’s turn to gape.

Then he folded his arms, chin angled up. “Well they haven’t faked it with me.” he retorted defensively, ego still bruised from his exe’s deliberately hurtful stab at his manliness. “Anyway, I’d know,” he added with complete conviction; narrowing his darkening eyes when a definite ‘pfft’ and unladylike snort sounded out.

“How would you know?”

“Because I’d just know.”

“Oh, right, that’s right. I forgot. You’re a man,” replied Cordelia, nodding sympathetically.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, half curious despite himself.

She shrugged. “Nothing. It’s just that all men are sure it never happened to them and that most women at one time or another have done it so you do the math.” Heavy brows ascended at her smug reply.

“You don’t think that I could tell the difference?” Disbelief colored every word.


Angel took a step forward, deliberate intimidation coming to the fore, but Cordelia refused to rise from her perch on the tombstone. She didn’t even bother to lean away.

That only annoyed him more. This-this girl was beyond annoying, beyond aggravation, beyond anything he’d ever come across in a female. And way too confident in her belief that she was always right. Time to turn the tables. He could do that. After all, wasn’t he a Master Vampire? Scourge of Europe? Well, he was once…make that twice.

“I think I’m in a better position than you, to know about things like this, little girl.” Angel returned, a knowing smirk creeping on his face. Cordelia jolted a little. She recognized *that* look, and hadn’t ever expected to see it on the newly resouled version… “I’m a vampire.” He added, as if that made it oh so clear. Almost made her grin. Dork!

“I know that, duh!” She replied, rolling her eyes at him. “But what has your undeadliness got to do with faking it?”

Angel tapped his nose and the smirk transformed into a leer. “It wasn’t just your body that I- Angelus wanted that night you know.” His automatic correction caused her to roll her eyes yet again. This vampire had a serious schizo issue; that was for sure.

“There’s nothing like the ambrosia of Virgin blood. Could smell it a mile off” Well, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration. A couple of meters maybe. The grin tightened with triumph when a blush bloomed on her sun kissed cheeks.

“Ewwe, that’s gross! And none of your business. ” Cordelia replied acidly, not a little mortified that he’d even go there. “Anyway, a lot has changed since the prudey powdered wig days” she reminded him with a glare. “You don’t actually need a guy to get off, ya know.” Okay. That didn’t quite come out the way I expected, she thought with a blush.

But it sure made an impression: Angel’s face was a picture. There was never a camera around when you needed one.

The shocked expression unfortunately didn’t last long. Those dark eyes narrowed as he lowered into a squat. Invading her space in a way  that made her feel a little hot under the collar. God he was a hottie. Ducking her head, she let her loose hair fall forward and cover even hotter cheeks attempting to ignore his uncomfortably heated gaze.

Pity he’s a walking corpse. Cordelia felt the need to remind herself of that factoid right now. “I know what you’re doing, buddy” she warned with a sniff. “You’re just trying to distract me so I’ll forget about your ex squeeze faking it.”

“She did NOT fake it!” The vampire stood up so fast it made her dizzy. There was nothing heated in his gaze – glare now, she noted with a stifled grin. Just male pride taking a major hit.

Angel reined in his outrage with difficulty.  What the hell have I ever done to her? he wondered with a little self pity. Oh yeah. He remembered.

“250 years experience and a girl has to fake it with you?” She added with an evil snikker. The taunt drove home with the precision of a stake to the heart. She finally risked a glance and couldn’t help but grin at the play of muscles in his face as he ground his teeth.

The little Bitch! “243,” Angel corrected her with a definite growl lacing his tone. This slip of a girl was daring to jab at his prowess with the women? Maybe he should forget talking altogether and show her just what kind of pleasure he was more than capable of giving!

One thing was for sure; he didn’t feel guilty about trying to eat her now. Pity they stopped him.

Not liking the predatory gleam that now lit his eyes, Cordelia prudently decided it was time to start moving again. She rose from the tombstone and held her spike-heeled shoes in front of her body defensively, then slipped around him and started walking.

Angel’s mouth tightened in frustration at her faux innocent look. Shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his pants, he attempted to shake off the urge to strangle the wench. It would be a satisfying experience. Not as satisfying as the other acts he could picture performing right now, but it was definitely on his list of to-do things where Cordelia Chase was concerned.

But none of it would go down well with the others – especially the strangling portion of it. And the sex-having. Angel sighed heavily. He was just glad she wasn’t on speaking terms with Harris. That pathetic little shit would have a field day with it.

“Ooo…Oh…Ooo…” All thoughts of revenge and the vision of separating Harris’ head from his shoulders melted away at the odd sound coming from the girl a few feet ahead of him. Within a blink of an eye he was directly in front of her.

“Are you okay?” he asked, temporary concern overtaking the strangling urge. Confusion flickered as he took in the rapturous expression on her face.

“Oh…Oh god…Ooo Oh God…Oh…Oh…Oh…Oh God…Oh yeah right there” Cordelia’s hips started rocking subtly, and Angel’s eyes dropped to watch almost hypnotized by the erotic sway.

“Oh! Oh…Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes…Oh…Oh…Yes Yes Yes….Oh…” her free hand lifted to briefly cup a deliciously full breast and drool  exploded in his mouth. The hands in his pants clenched for a totally different reason now, and it took all of his restraint to keep them there and not reach out to follow the same path as hers as it traced its way down her ribs until it pressed enticingly into her taut belly.

“Yes Yes Yes” Her hips rolled at a quicker pace, her mouth parted and the tip of her tongue emerged to lave her lower lip. One of the hands in his pocket curled open and the tips of his fingers absently ran the length of his now- aching shaft.

“Yes Yes Yes…Oh…Oh… Oh… Oh God Oh… Oh…” by the time Cordelia’s eyes rolled into the back of her head, Angel was literally panting; one hand slid out of his pocket to grip her writhing hip. He was completely unaware that he was leaning into her body, his lips inches from hers.

“Huuuuh…” a long, drawn-out sigh painted his hovering mouth with moist heat…  Then she blinked, opened her eyes and proceeded to smile smugly up at him.

“Aren’t we supposed to be looking for a slimy, poisonous monster? Hello?” Snapping her fingers in front of his stunned face, she grinned knowingly. Sucker. “Angel? You in there?” It was Angel’s turn to blink – several times, and then he took in the faux worried expression on the face surprisingly close to his.

Clarity came to him as shockingly as a bucket of ice-cold water. Not only was he leaning over her smaller figure like a ravenous wolf about to eat her whole, but one of his hands clutched at her hip like a lifeline. The other hand…. Clearing his throat, Angel was grateful Cordelia hadn’t thought to look lower than his face. Yet.  He rapidly pulled both hands free and took a big step back.

“Is that drool? Ewwe!” Even as she said it, Cordelia couldn’t help but grin cheekily up at him.  He looked like he’d been hit with a mack truck.  Oh well. Game over. She stepped around him, swapping the shoes to her other hand..

“Come on, big guy. Time’s a-wasting,” Cordelia called over her shoulder as she began weaving gracefully through the graveyard. An awed grin spread her mouth wide. Hooboy! No wonder supergirl had to fake. Something that big had *gotta* hurt!

It took Angel a moment to fully pull himself together. Cordelia Chase was so not an innocent young girl. She was a Witch! An evil cruel… hot and sexy as hell Witch. He shook himself, licked his lips to check for drool and then adjusted his uncomfortably tight pants. Satisfied he looked normal – well, as normal as a vampire could be, he followed after the casually strolling brunette.

“You SO wouldn’t have to fake with me,” he muttered under his breath, as dayamn, that was one hell of an orgasm. But, alas, it wasn’t perfect. For a start, he hadn’t been involved. And she hadn’t screamed his name- over and over until her voice became hoarse.

What? He could dream.


(Scorchy’s Challenge: Can anyone remember the famous scene from When Harry Met Sally? Of course you can, who can forget it?!

The subject of faking comes up between C/A. Angel honestly thinks that women can’t fake and Cordelia proves him wrong 

This would be hilarious if it was done during BTVS years or even C/Aus!!!)


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