A Nibble Too Far

Title: A Nibble Too Far
Author: Califi
Posted: 2005
Rating: PG
Category: Pure fluffy shiz
Summary: Angel bites off more than he can chew…or does he?
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: Just ask
Thanks/Dedication: A little bit of nothing written to distract Zanny and amuse Sawah a week or so ago on MSN *snikker*

A more than usually abnormal day at the Hyperion…

“I’m warning you, Tubby- get the hell away from me!” Cordy practically snarled at the vampire, who, in her wary eyes, seemed to hover like a devouring vulture right at that moment. Was that drool at the corner of his mouth? she wondered, and absently licked her own lips.

Angel’s brow briefly furrowed in mock-outrage at the slur. “Oh, come on, Cor, just let me have a little-“

“NO!” she gave him a shove and turned her back on him.

“But I only want a little lick.”


“And maybe a tiny nibble-“


The wheedling quickly melted to a major puppy-dog pout. “I’d let you lick mine.”

“Pfft! You so wouldn’t!”

“I would too!- so gimme a lick now, or I’ll just-” a frantic scrabble erupted, along with high-pitched squeals and deep chuckles…*CRUNCH*.


And then a loud wail erupted through the lobby.”OH MY GOD! I can’t believe it! Look at the size of that bite!”

“It IS pretty impressive, isn’t it?” Angel replied with a very proud expression all over his face as he licked his red-tinted lips with relish, absently wondering if he’d get away with another nibble. But on seeing her horrified face and gaping-fish mouth, he decided it was too risky.

“Well, I’ll be just in my room if anyone needs me,” Angel said, taking one last look with another lick of his lips before eyeing the still silent seer in amazement, unable to remember the last time he’d seen her speechless.


It was a sight to behold, but knowing it couldn’t possibly last much longer, Angel sauntered off with a pleased grin as a still gobsmacked Cordy stared at what was left of her Cherry popsicle with a seriously wobbly bottom lip, before finally snapping out of it and sending her patented death glare at the back of the retreating vampire’s head….

“I think I hate you right now,” she literally whimpered as her eyes slid back to the minuscule piece of ice left on the stick, before adding with a snarl, “And I lied yesterday- you ARE getting fat!”

~ 0 ~

Angel could feel his broody furrows developing before even entering his lamp-lit rooms. Glancing down the length of his body, a hand rose, thumb extended, and the tapping began.

After a few moments of deep thought, he gave his pursed lips one more tap and proceeded to strip.

Running a large hand across his naked chest and down to his taut stomach, Angel pressed and molded his hard flesh before experimentally squeezing and pulling. The frown grew to major proportions- and then a light bulb went off above his head.

Loping silently across the room, he opened a drawer of his dresser and rummaged.

“Ah-Ha!” He pulled out and lifted the tape measure up to his face, and pulled the end from the plastic to peruse the numbers and lines across it. “hmmm….centimeters or inches? Decisions, decisions…” Mind made up, he walked back to the center of the room and began measuring.

Fifteen minutes later, after various contortionist-like shenanigans with the tape, tensing and relaxing, twisting and turning, holding himself in and then relaxing, Angel dropped the tape to the floor, where it landed with a soft thud.

Turning around in a daze, he shakily made his way to his comfy chair and sat with a thump.

“It’s true!” he muttered under his breath, his eyes widening in mortification. He could pinch an inch…okay, he had to reaaally pull and tug, but it had definitely been at least an inch. And the tape told of signs of a small poochy tummy.

“Cordelia’s right.” He gulped. “I AM fat!”….



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