Part 23
“How did patrol go?”
Buffy dragged the redhead further away from the others. “It was so great. You should have seen him. He was taking vampires out left and right, demons too.”
“So he really is better?”
“Yeah. It was just like old times.”
“That’s great, Buffy. I know you could use the help if you have to face Faith and the Mayor at the same time.”
“That too but tonight… we connected. We talked. We really talked. He opened up to me.”
“That’s great!” Willow hugged her friend, truly meaning her words.
“Oxygen becoming an issue.”
“Sorry.”
“That’s okay.” Buffy smiled at the redhead’s excitement.
“Tell me everything. What did you talk about?”
“Well we talked about how happy he was to be able to fight again. He admitted that being weak really bothered him.”
“How so?”
“What do you mean?”
Willow nibbled on her inside of her cheek trying to think of a way to ask delicately. “I mean did he say… What exactly did Angel say?”
“He said being weak really bothered him.”
“Oh.” She tried to keep the disappointment from her voice. She really wanted to believe Buffy and Angel would find their way back to each other even if she had her doubts. “That’s a good start. What else did you talk about?”
Buffy grinned practically bouncing in excitement oblivious to her friend’s concerns. “He said he wanted us to be friends and that I’ll always be important to him. You should have seen the way he was looking at me, Will. He loves me.”
“I’m sure he does.” Willow’s sad smile went unnoticed.
***
“So other than the fighty goodness, how did it go?”
“It went okay.”
“Do you think you could be a little more vague?”
“Do you think I could get a little cooperation?”
“Huh?”
“Lift your arms.” Angel pulled her shirt over her head.
“Angel, I’m trying to have a conversation. You know doing the talking thing… with my boyfriend.”
“We have talked,” he whined. “We talked in the parking lot. We talked on the car ride home and now I’m trying to make love. You know doing the loving thing… with my girlfriend.”
Cordelia couldn’t stop the smile from forming. Much to Angel’s disappointment, she moved away from him and began pacing
“You can’t blame me for wondering what you and Buffy talked about. I got to listen to Giles and Wesley read one boring book after another to me while Willow watched my every move like she might solve the mysteries of the universe by interpreting the expressions on my face. Oh and I can’t forget Xander’s ever cheerful presence.”
“I’m sorry tonight was so hard for you.”
“It wasn’t that bad. The research was pretty normal. I mean they don’t normally read to me but they weren’t trying to torture me by being boring. Actually Xander was the only one being.. difficult. I shouldn’t let it bother me. It’s just… He wasn’t the greatest boyfriend but he can be a good friend when he wants to be.”
“I know what you mean, except for the Xander part. That boy always got on my nerves.” He sat down on the edge of the bed. “I told Buffy I wanted to be friends.”
“How did that go?”
“Better than I expected. She didn’t yell at me or anything. Actually she seemed pretty open to the idea.”
“I bet.”
“Cordy,” he pulled the willing brunette onto his lap, “does it bother you that I want to be her friend?”
An eyebrow arched. “Does it bother you that I want to be friends with Xander?”
“No.” He bit his lower lip to stifle a growl.
“Very convincing.” Her thumb freed the trapped lip. “It bothers me a little but I understand. She was your first love.”
“Buffy changed my life. She inspired me to climb out of the gutter and help. At first I only went to her with information, but eventually I chose to join the fight. I owe her.” He lifted her chin. “She led me to you, although I doubt she’d fully appreciate that fact.”
“Ya think?” She kissed his cheek. “I guess when you put it that way it makes sense. I’ll try to keep my jealousy under control.”
“You have nothing to be jealous about.”
“Are you kidding me? This is Buffy we’re talking about, the blond center of the universe.”
“You have nothing to be jealous about, Buffy included. I am in love with you. You are the one I want to be with.”
She slowly began to unbutton his shirt, a soft smile on her face. “So what else did you two talk about?”
“Not much. After the group of vampires attacked, I admitted that it bothered me how weak I’d been.”
“My poor baby.” She spread his shirt open. “I’m sorry. Did that sound insincere?” She pushed the material off his shoulders. “Some of us only get to be bait on our best day.” She tugged his undershirt out of the waistband of his pants.
“You are pretty tempting, the perfect bait.” His thumbs hooked her bra straps, slowly sliding them off her shoulders. “I felt useless.” He unhooked the front clasp, freeing her breasts to the touch. “When I.. when I was in hell, I felt so powerless. Nothing I did could stop… There were times when I thought I could fight back but it was only an illusion. I was too weak to do anything. Even after I finally began to believe I was truly free, I was still weak.”
Her lips brushed against his. “So I guess you getting to do a little ass kicking tonight was pretty therapeutic?”
“The fighting was really great.” He cupped her cheek. “But you made me strong again.”
“You’re such a sweet talker.” She winked at him. “Since we’re talking about the whole fighting thing, what ever happened to you teaching me how to use a crossbow?” She lifted his undershirt over his head and tossed it on the floor.
“No one seems to be impressed with the way I handle a candlestick or a spatula.” She unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants.
“You don’t need to fight. I will keep you safe.”
Cordelia snatched her hands away. “Excuse me?”
“I’ll protect you.”
“Mr. I-felt-useless-because-I-couldn’t-fight is refusing to teach me how to defend myself?”
“I didn’t say no, exactly.” He clutched her hips when she tried to climb off his lap. “I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
“Were you hit on the head tonight? Some big ugly tries to kill me every other week and now that I’ve somehow managed to steal Buffy’s boyfriend it might be a good idea to learn how to defend myself. I don’t think she’ll be quite so enthusiastic to save me next time.”
“I will save you.”
“Maybe I would like to save myself. I was the one who knocked Faith upside her head.”
“After you pissed her off.”
“I was trying to distract her so you could sneak up behind her. It was a good plan.” She waved away his concerns. “I told you about the time I bluffed that hillbilly vamp into running away.” She smiled. She didn’t really want to fight, not while she was sitting on a shirtless Angel’s lap. “Let’s not argue. You can lose this fight in the morning.”
Angel was about to protest but the words choked in his throat as she pressed his hand to a breast. “OK.” He shifted her in his lap, swinging her leg so she straddled him. He pulled her hard against him. “You don’t fight fair.”
She began planting kisses on his neck as she ground her hips against his. “I feel really bad about that too.”
He wrapped his arms around her waist and stood, holding her tightly to him. He abruptly turned and dropped her on the bed.
“Hey! You big…” Her words trailed off as he stripped out of his pants and boxers. Her gaze hungrily devoured his naked form. “God you’re beautiful.”
He licked his lips at the sight of a topless Cordelia sprawled across her bed, legs bent and slightly spread as if in invitation. He stalked towards her. “Somebody is overdressed and I don’t think it’s me.”
She playfully backed away from him. “You dropped me.”
His hand snapped out and grabbed her ankle. “So?” He dragged her towards him. “I needed to take my pants off. Speaking of.” He tugged her pants down her legs ignoring the sound of ripping.
“Hey!”
He hooked his fingers on her panties.
“Don’t even think.. Dammit Angel! You didn’t have to tear them. They were the only pair that matched this bra.”
“Sorry.” His smirk clearly reflected he wasn’t. He lifted her foot to his lips, pressing a kiss to her instep. “Let me make it up to you.”
She gulped. “OK.”
***
Cordelia stirred, savoring the firm chest that pillowed her head and the strong arms that held her close. She glanced over at her alarm clock, a devilish idea crossing her mind. She began placing moist kisses down his body.
This time escape was not her intention. The way his muscles twitched beneath her lips brought a smile to her face. She continued her descent until she reached her prize. After glancing up to doublecheck he was still sleeping, she ever so slowly licked his semi-hard length, giggling as it grew rigid. She wrapped her fingers around the base and swirled her tongue around the tip before gently sucking on it.
Angel’s hips bucked, unconsciously thrusting into her mouth.
She moved to restrain his hips but changed her mind and allowed his hips to continue thrusting. Her mouth slid along his shaft enjoying the deep growl coming from the sleeping man beneath her. She reconsidered again and held his hip as she slowed her pace causing him to whimper. She released him with a soft pop and began licking his length like she was eating an ice cream cone.
His whimpering grew louder. She took pity on him taking him back into her mouth, swallowing him. His hips suddenly stilled. She looked up and found dark eyes watching her. She smiled around his flesh. Before she registered movement, she was torn from her prize and pinned beneath a very aroused vampire.
“Angel! You never let me finish. Am I gonna have to tie you down?” She noticed the flash of yellow in his eyes. She laughed, “You’re such a vampire.”
Angel froze. “Was that an insult?”
She freed her wrists from his grip and cupped his cheeks. “Did it sound like an insult?” She kissed his chin. “I like my cuddly carebear with fangs.”
“I am not cuddly… What’s a carebear?”
She rolled her eyes. “They were cute little pastel colored bears with symbols on their tummies. I had Grumpy Bear and Tenderheart Bear when I was little. They were very cuddly.” Her arms fell to her sides. “OK. My childhood memories are forever tainted by visions of nakedness. That is so not a turn on. I may have to rethink the whole carebear with fangs thing.”
“Let’s focus on not losing the mood.” Long fingers slid through moist folds as he kissed and nibbled her neck.
Her passion renewed, “Angel please.” She mewled in protest when his fingers disappeared.
He nudged her legs apart as he positioned himself. Her eyes were black with desire. Her face was contorted in need. She was beautiful. He captured her lips and thrust home.
Cordelia raked her nails up his back, clutching him to her. Their bodies flowed like beautifully written music that was meant to be played, to be shared, to be savored. She never wanted him to stop, never leave, never slow.
She surrounded him filling his senses. The taste he drank from her lips, the hum of her blood, the scent of her sex, the feel of her muscles trying to keep him trapped within, and the sound of her mewling with complete abandon completed him in ways he could never hope to explain but would gladly spend lifetimes trying to understand.
She was his. “Mine,” flew from his lips like a mantra, never stopping, just repeating for all eternity. His hips crashed into her like waves crashing against the rocks, unstoppable and beautiful to see.
Some women may think she should contradict him that she belonged to no man but she was too consumed with the pleasure of being possessed to care. She was his and he was hers. “Mine,” flew from her lips as if in response to his words or perhaps in agreement with them. She didn’t know anymore. She just wanted him to never stop but everything must end. Her back arched off the bed as she screamed in sweet release.
He watched her emotions diffuse across her face, loving each expression more and the same. Her body clamped down on him demanding his surrender. He thrust twice more before exploding collapsing atop her trembling form. He buried his face in the crook of her neck.
He could feel her blood rush beneath his lips but he would not taste her, would not give in to his dark urges, would not treat her like food. She was meant to be cherished, to be loved, to be worshiped, never sullied. He lifted his head to meet twinkling hazel eyes. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Angel rolled onto his back pulling her with him to lie on his chest. He took a deep breath and drank in their combined scent. “Cordy, what’s going to happen next?”
“Well as soon as I can move my legs again, I’m going to take a shower. I have to get ready for school.”
“That wasn’t… You’re going to school?”
“Yes. My finals start today. I can’t skip them if I want to graduate.”
“Oh.” He ran his fingers through her hair. “I guess I haven’t let you get much studying done lately.”
“That’s okay. That’s what study hall and lunch are for. I’m doing well in my classes. I just need to review a few things before each test. I only have two today. I’ll be fine.”
“Good.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “That wasn’t what I meant. Your parents will eventually come home.”
“I know.” She absently began stroking his chest. “You heard me convincing them to stay in Europe a little longer.”
“I know but they’ll be back after graduation.”
“I know. We’ll figure something out but right now I need to get ready for school.” She disentangled herself from his arms.
“I’ll hold the soap.”
She pressed a restraining hand to his chest. “Sorry but I don’t think that’s such a great idea. I’ll never leave if you shower with me.” She brushed a kiss across his lips. “You’re too tempting to resist.”
“OK.” He watched her disappear into her bathroom through sad eyes. This was the second time she had avoided discussing their future.
***
“Hey Will. Where’s Oz?”
“He convinced the guys to practice before school since we’re researching tonight.”
“He didn’t have to do that. We don’t know anything new.”
Willow shrugged. “We’re running out of time.”
“I know. Don’t remind me.” She leaned her head on her friend’s shoulder. “I was feeling chipper before I ran into you.” She stuck her bottom lip out in an exaggerated pout.
“Sorry. I’m just feeling a little nervous.” She lifted her yearbook, “And a little nostalgic. So what were you so chipper about?”
“I was up all night thinking about my talk with Angel.”
“What about it?”
“Well I’ve been torturing myself by thinking about how they have this great friendship and that wasn’t something Angel and I really ever shared. I thought Cordelia had something deeper than he and I have.”
Willow noticed her used of the present tense. “And now?”
“I was torturing myself over nothing. He and I talked last night. He was completely open with me. It’s not really about Cordelia. I just never asked the questions. Last night I learned that Angel and I can have the big forever love and be friends.”
“Uh huh.”
Buffy noticed the redhead’s frown. “You think I’m wrong?”
She shook her head furiously. “No. I didn’t say that. I’m sure Angel meant every word he said to you last night. I don’t even know what he has with Cordelia, not really.”
“You’re right.”
Willow’s stomach sunk. She didn’t want to be right. Being right only led to trouble. “I am?”
“Yes. Some time today I’ll talk to Cordy. This way I can prove that I’m right. Whatever he can say to her, he can say to me and more.” She grabbed her friend in a tight hug. “You’re the best, Will. I gotta go. Stupid finals. When exactly was I supposed to study? I had to patrol.”
“Bye.” She buried her face in her hands the moment she was alone. “This is gonna be bad. I just know it.”
***
“Hey Giles.”
“Cordelia. Shouldn’t you be at lunch?”
“And sit where? I don’t think Xander and Buffy want me at their table and there’s no way I can deal with Harmony and Aura’s vapid conversations today. I was planning on studying.”
“You’re welcome to study in the library or I could leave and let you use my office.”
“Thanks but it’s not a big deal. Mr. Thomas doesn’t expect us to memorize all the formulas so it’s an open book test. I’ve got my book and a calculator. I’m set.”
Giles shook his head. “In my day, we were expected to utilize our memories and do math with a pencil and piece of paper.”
“Pfft. I bet you had a slide rule or an abacus.” Her eyes twinkled in mischief.
“Yes and this was before electricity so we had to work under candlelight.”
Cordelia walked across the room and plopped down on the sofa.
“What’s wrong?”
She stared at her feet. “Nothing.”
“I see.” He moved to sit beside her. “Then why do you have the Giles I need you to help me deal with reality expression on your face?”
She hugged his arm and rested her head on his shoulder. “Because Giles, I need you to help me deal with reality.”
“Is this about Buffy and Xander?”
“No. It’s about Angel.”
“What about him? Are you two having problems? I’m not sure I’m the one..”
“Angel’s wonderful. That’s kind of the problem.”
“How so?”
“My parents will be coming home soon.”
“I was wondering about that. Will they make it in time for graduation?”
“No. I convinced them to accept an invitation to some socialite’s big party.”
“You don’t want your parents to see you graduate?”
“That’s the same day as the ascension. I may not have the ideal relationship with them but I don’t want anything bad to happen to them.”
“How did you convince them to stay away?”
“Well my mother really wanted to go to the party. I may have lied a little.” She grinned up at him. “I told them that Anita could film the ceremony and we would watch it together when they got back. Daddy argued a bit but he didn’t want to disappoint my mother. I told him they could buy me a few designer originals while they’re in Paris and we’d call it even. It’s a win-win situation. They stay safe and I get new clothes.”
Her smile faded. “Although they may not give me the clothes when they find out I convinced Anita to stay in San Diego for her niece’s graduation. She argued a bit too but I told her Daddy hired someone to film the ceremony and she and I can watch it when she gets back.”
“So is that what you’re upset about? You won’t have any family present and Angel cannot attend it since it’s an outdoor event.”
“No. The whole thing is gonna be a nightmare since the Mayor is our guest speaker.”
“He’s what!”
“You didn’t hear? Snyder was showing him the podium this morning.”
“Good lord! I need to speak to Buffy.”
“She’s at lunch.” She tugged Giles back on the couch. “Can we deal with my problem before we start talking about the apocalypse? We don’t know anything new except where he plans to ascend.”
“Cordelia, we…” He studied her torture expression. “I am quite certain we will be successful and life will go on. Therefore we should plan accordingly. Tell me what’s on your mind.”
“My parents are coming back after graduation. I don’t think Daddy will be okay with Angel living in the house and he especially won’t be okay with him sleeping in my room.”
Giles shifted uncomfortably. “I would hope.. I imagine you’re right. Angel will have to move back to the mansion. After the Mayor and Faith have been defeated, the danger will be gone. Now that he has recovered, he is more than capable of defending himself.”
“That’s so not the point, Giles. I don’t know if I can sleep without him.” She rested her head on Giles’s shoulder. “I don’t want him to move out.”
“Not that I am in any way endorsing such behavior but you could move into the mansion too.”
“Gee. Why didn’t I think about that? Oh right. I did.” She sighed. “When Daddy first told me I wasn’t going to college, I asked him about maybe moving to LA to pursue an acting career.”
“I didn’t know you wanted to be an actress.”
“Well it’s not exactly my childhood dream but I thought it would be something I could do while making a ton of money in the process.”
“What did your father say?”
“He said that if I moved out then I would be living life on my own terms and I should act accordingly.”
“I’m sorry. What?”
“He said I’d be cut off without a dime. He said if I wanted to live as an adult then I should be treated like one.”
“So in other words, if you move in with Angel, you won’t have any money.”
“Exactly. No money. No car. No credit cards. Nothing.” She sighed. “What am I supposed to do? I don’t exactly have any skills and I’ll only have a high school diploma? Am I supposed to get a job at some store as a nametag person? I’ve always been rich.”
“Well I don’t know Angel’s financial situation but I’m sure..”
“It’s one thing to let my parents support me but it’s a totally different thing to live off of Angel. Wouldn’t I be the kept woman my mother seems to think I should aspire to?”
“Cordelia, there are many women who chose to stay at home. There is nothing wrong with that.”
“Yes but they have children to take care of, houses to clean and dinners to cook. I don’t have kids, I hate cleaning and I can’t cook. I’d just be sponging off him.”
“Then remain at home. It’s not as if you won’t be able to see him anymore.”
“Yeah but not like I can now. I don’t want to be without him and I think he feels the same way.”
“You haven’t spoken to him about this?”
“Not yet. He brought the subject up yesterday and this morning but I did the whole avoiding thing.”
“Why?”
“Because when I’m with him I can’t help thinking I don’t need a new wardrobe every season and I should just get a job like normal people. How horrible can it be? Then when I’m alone I think, what the hell was I thinking? I can’t be poor. I don’t know how to be poor. That’s why I need you. I’m in need of some blunt honesty.”
She sat up, her back straight. “Go ahead and hit me. Don’t hold back.”
“Cordelia, I don’t know what you would like me to say. You’re only 18. I don’t feel comfortable recommending you move in with your boyfriend, let alone a vampire with a soul. It’s not my place to warn you against it either. I won’t presume to know what’s in your heart or what is best for you. That said, I don’t think the life your parents have planned for you is right for you as you well know. Why else would I offer you a place to stay?”
“Because you’re a horny old guy and I’m totally hot.”
“Yes but aside from that.”
Cordelia laughed at his matter-of-fact tone. “I’ve already knew what I wasn’t going to do so that helps. Deep down I know I’ve already decided what I should do, sort of. I just haven’t been ready to say it aloud.” She hugged his arm, pouting. “I’m really good at being rich. Forget the Mayor, being poor is going to kill me.”
“I’m sure you’ll handle it in true Cordelia fashion.”
“Have you decided what your plans are after graduation?”
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t pull that with me, Giles. You don’t do clueless very well.” She released his arm and turned to face him. “Now that Buffy won’t be attending high school anymore, you don’t really need to work as a librarian. You could do something else. You used to be a curator of a museum.”
“I haven’t decided yet. Now that I’m no longer employed by the Council, this is my only source of income.”
“You could get another job and I know you’re sitting on some money.”
“That is for an emergency.”
“Whatever. What about your ex honey? Is she still planning on visiting this summer?”
“Olivia?” Giles adjusted his collar. “She’s hasn’t set a date yet but she is coming.”
“I sure she will be, Ripper.”
He shot her a half-hearted glare. “I should go speak to Buffy regarding the graduation ceremony. Will you be okay?”
“Yeah. I’ll be fine. I may ask to borrow money some day though.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” He kissed the top of her head. “I will see you tonight.”
“Oh joy. Round 2 with Xander.”
“I’ve spoken to him about his behavior. I’m sure tonight will go much smoother.”
“We’ll see.” Cordelia smiled her appreciation. She was grateful for his support.
***
“You’ll never guess who the guest speaker at graduation is going to be, Giles.” Xander stood in the doorway with Willow and Oz.
“The Mayor, so I’ve heard. It also seems Faith has been busy.”
“What did psycho slayer do this time?”
Buffy handed Willow the news article. “She killed some professor. I was just telling Giles that I should go check out his place for any clues.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t go out alone, Buff. Faith may be lurking.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“Xander may have a point. You shouldn’t go alone.”
“Giles, I..”
“I insist you take Angel with you.”
Her protest died on her lips. “OK.”
Giles was surprised by her sudden acquiescence. “You can go after sunset.”
Silence descended as Wesley and Cordelia walked into the library. “Good afternoon all.”
“So nice of you to join us, Wes.” Xander slapped the Englishman on the back. “It’s good to know you’ll be here after all the decisions are made.”
Wesley straightened his suit. “To what decisions are you referring?”
“Giles insisted I take Angel with me when I check out Faith’s latest murder victim’s apartment.”
“I was just about to phone Angel and let him know.”
“You don’t have to, Giles. I’ll tell him about it when I get home.” Cordelia relished wiping the smirk off Buffy’s face.
“Actually I’d like all of you to remain. According to the article, the victim was doing research in the Hawaiian Islands. I’d like to begin researching that area sooner rather than later. Faith may have taken his research with her. I don’t believe we should count on Buffy finding his papers. Now that we know the Mayor intends to ascend here at your graduation ceremony things have gone from bad to worse. There will be students, parents and teachers in harms way and unfortunately we cannot prevent them from attending.”
“I just spoke to the Council about the latest development.” He took the newspaper from Willow. “Perhaps I should inform them about Faith’s activities as well. I can ask them to assist us in researching anything that may resemble a failed ascension in that particular region.”
Giles nodded. “Very good. You may use my office.”
“Thank you.”
“Willow, I’d like you to do a search on that infernal machine.”
“Sure. I’ll run a search on the Professor and the islands.”
“Excellent. The rest of you can begin with the texts I’ve already selected. I will join you after I speak to Angel.”
“Maybe I should call.”
“That’s okay. I have a few instructions for him.”
“OK. Then just let him know I’m staying here. I told him I’d be home after school. Oh and tell him he can use Daddy’s car if he doesn’t want to walk. The keys are hanging by the door that leads to the garage.”
“Very well.” Giles walked around the counter to use the phone there.
***
“That book had more nothing than usual.” Xander slammed his book shut. “Maybe we should send Cordy back to the Mayor’s office. She can have another chat with him.”
“Maybe we should have you visit Faith’s apartment so you can be friendly with her again.”
Xander was about to retort but Giles’s harsh glare silenced him.
“Willow, will you be so kind as to go to my apartment and pick up a few texts I have there.” He jotted down a list on a piece of paper and handed it to her. “Oz, could you drive her? It will be dark soon.”
“Sure. C’mon Will.”
Giles wrote another list. “Xander, go into the stacks and retrieve these.”
“Sure.”
“Thank you.” Giles glanced over at his office and noticed Wesley was finally off the phone. “I should find out what the Council had to say.” He hesitated when he realized that left Cordelia and Buffy alone together. “But there is no rush on that.”
“Yeah because it’s only the end of the world.” Buffy rolled her eyes. “I think we can handle being alone for a few minutes, Giles. I have to leave soon anyway. You told Angel where to meet me, right?”
“Yes.” He hesitated for another minute before leaving.
Buffy had been waiting all day for the opportunity to test her theory. She knew she was right. Angel had opened up to her as much as he ever had with Cordelia. The brunette was nothing special. She only asked the questions Buffy hadn’t asked. “Does it bother you that Angel wants to be my friend?”
Cordelia bristled at the sudden question but forced herself to relax. “It’s no big. You were his first love. It makes sense that he wants to be friends.”
She refused to react. “Yeah he told me I mean a lot to him. We talked about everything. He really opened up to me.”
“Uh huh.” She turned the page.
“Yeah. After the first group of vampires was dusted, he told me how happy he was to be strong again and how much it bothered him to feel weak.”
“He was pretty excited about the fighty goodness.”
“We talked and talked. It was great. I don’t think I realized until last night that we’d been going through the motions since he returned from hell. I felt like I finally found something that’s been missing since my seventeenth birthday.”
“Uh huh.” She turned the page with a little more vigor.
Buffy smiled. “He even told me about the movie.”
Her head popped up. “He what?”
“You know The Matrix. He talked about his reaction and everything.”
Surprised and a little hurt, Cordelia’s gaze returned to the book in front of her. Angel hadn’t mentioned that little tidbit. She shook off her thoughts. Angel wanted to be Buffy’s friend. She could deal with that. He was jealous about her friendship with Giles and she no intention of cutting the ex-watcher from her life.
Buffy nearly shouted in triumph. Angel hadn’t told Cordelia why the movie had bothered him anymore than he told her. She was as much Angel’s friend as Cordelia was.
Cordelia took a deep breath. She expected Angel to be accepting of her friendship with Giles so she should return the favor, even though the situations were totally different. Actually she should be awarded sainthood for this. “It is horrible, isn’t it?”
“Umm yeah.”
“I mean torture is supposed to be pushing a rock up hill or bamboo under the fingernails. I never really thought about hope being used to break someone. I know it is hell but that’s just horrible. I thought what happened to Giles was bad.” She shivered at the thought of love being used to break someone.
“Torture is supposed to be about physical pain. It’s just not right. The minions of hell should stick to the rules, don’t you think?” Cordelia looked up. She was shocked to see tears in Buffy’s eyes.
“Angel doesn’t blame you for sending him to hell. He was trying to have the world sucked into hell. He didn’t exactly give you much of a choice. Besides he still would’ve been sucked in along with the rest of us. Either way he was going to hell.”
“He told you that?”
Cordelia’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Of course. Did you think he blamed you?” She reached across the table without thinking and took Buffy’s hand. “I swear. Angel doesn’t blame you. He knows what’s real now. He knows he’s safe and that this isn’t an illusion. The movie kinda brought up some bad memories but he’s okay.”
He told her. Angel told Cordelia everything. Buffy had asked, begged and flirted with him to talk to her about it until Cordelia had showed up in the kitchen. He kept saying it was nothing. He just didn’t like the movie. He never told her anything about hell. Not when he returned, not after he started to recover, and not now, he wouldn’t talk about it.
At least not to her but he talked to Cordelia. Buffy desperately tried to blink back her tears. “I have to go.” She ran out of the library full speed.
“What did you do?” Xander dumped the books he was carrying on the table.
“I didn’t do anything.”
Giles stepped out of his office, Wesley a step behind. “Why did Buffy rush off like that?”
“Cordy did something to upset her.”
“I didn’t..”
“She was crying. What did you say to her?”
Cordelia stood and backed up a step under the angry glare from Xander and the disappointed look from Giles. “I didn’t do anything. She was telling me about her conversation with Angel last night. I only repeated what Angel said. We weren’t even arguing. I don’t know why Buffy got so upset.” Her pleading eyes turned to Giles.
“I swear I didn’t do anything. I was actually trying to be nice.”
“You expect us to believe that?”
“Xander, you’re not helping.” Giles studied Cordelia’s expression. “Are you sure you have no idea what could have upset her?”
“Well… I told her Angel doesn’t blame her for sending him to hell. Like I told her, he didn’t exactly give her much of a choice. I was trying to be comforting.”
“As if deadboy has any right to blame her! And who the hell are you to be telling Buffy she shouldn’t blame herself? She saved the world that night and broke her heart in the process. She’s a hero but you wouldn’t know anything about that.”
“I never.. I wasn’t..” The flustered brunette grabbed her purse. Arguing with Xander wasn’t going to help the situation and she had to get away from Giles’s disappointed face. “Maybe I should just go. I’ll read at home.” She grabbed a couple of books and rushed from the room nearly knocking Willow down in the process.
“Where was Cordy going?”
“Her work here was finished. She came, she read, she made Buffy cry.”
“Xander! We don’t know what happened.”
“Yeah but it’s a safe assumption it was all Cordy’s fault.”
The redhead could feel the beginning twinges of an ulcer forming. She clutched Oz’s hand in needed support. “What do we know?”
“Apparently Buffy mentioned her conversation with Angel last night. Cordelia said she merely paraphrased Angel’s words.”
“Oh.”
“Do you know something, Willow?”
“Unfortunately I do.” She didn’t want to say anything but Giles’s resolve face was just as effective as hers. “Buffy told me she was going to test her theory about Cordelia and Angel’s friendship by talking to Cordelia. I guess she didn’t get the response she wanted.”
“What do you mean?”
The redhead bit her lip. “She…” She sighed. “She was hoping to prove that Angel doesn’t really confide in Cordy like she feared. Buffy didn’t want to believe that they had the kind of love that had grown from trust and friendship.”
Willow stared at the door Cordelia had disappeared through. “I doubt Cordy knows what really happened here.”
“Oh.” Giles had the urge to try to catch up to Cordelia but he knew she’d be gone by now.
***
Angel followed the angry blond down the street. “If you didn’t want me here, why did you tell Giles it was okay?”
“That was before!” Buffy spun around, her accusing eyes locking with his. “How could you tell Cordelia,” she said the name with disgust, “about that movie?”
“What?” She had obviously lost her mind.
“Don’t play stupid with me! You told her why The Matrix upset you. You told her about hell. How could you tell her and not me? Did you think I wouldn’t understand being tortured by hope? If anyone could understand that, it’s me.”
“Cordelia told you about that?”
“That’s so not the point and you know it. Not everything is about Cordelia! This is about us. Why can’t you talk to me? This isn’t just about me not asking the questions. I asked those questions. You wouldn’t answer me.” Tears streamed down her face. “Why can you tell HER and not me? Why don’t you love me?”
“Buffy, I’m sorry. I never intended to hurt you.”
“Then don’t. You said you wanted to be friends so talk to me. You don’t need her. I’ll be there for you. I can listen.”
“I’m sorry. I..”
“I get it. You can tell her because who is she to judge. She’s been a bitch her whole life.”
“Don’t talk about Cordelia like that and don’t ever compare what I’ve done to what she’s done. There is no comparison.”
“Why her? Why can you talk to her and not me?”
“I don’t really know how to explain it. Cordy came into my life and just took over without my noticing. She’s a force of nature. She won’t be denied or ignored.”
“Hurricane Cordy.”
“In a way, yes.” A soft smile graced his lips. “I can’t imagine my life without her. I don’t want to. I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you but I can’t apologize for falling in love with Cordelia. It’d be a lie.”
“I can’t look at you right now. Just go away. I need to get this stuff to Giles.” Buffy was about to walk away when an arrow suddenly struck Angel’s back. The bolt pierced through his chest less than an inch from his heart. “Angel!”
Angel collapsed to his knees in as much shock as pain.
