Act V
Scene 8
He had just closed his eyes and said ‘see you soon, Cor’ and then he did. See her. All of her. And she was seeing all of him. They scanned each other quickly, Cordy let out an ‘eek’ and ran for the nearest cover.
“Okay, who’s Adam and Eve fantasy is this? Yours or mine?” Cordy was peeking out from behind a large tree nestled in dense rain forest foliage. About thirty feet from her was Angel, his torso exposed but his lower half had found refuge among some large palm fronds.
Angel looked down at himself and mentally thanked the PTBs that he was at least flaccid…so far. “I guess ‘good to see you’ wouldn’t be an entirely appropriate thing to say right now, huh?” He raised his head enough to timidly glance at her and saw her laughing.
“Okay, the whole ‘baring the soul’ analogy is not lost on me, but it’s kind of obvious, isn’t it?
When her laughing tapered off they were suddenly left with the naked facts and a lot of silence. Angel felt like it was time to get down to the business of healing. Only neither one of them knew how to do that. Fala had only told him he would know what to do, but Angel didn’t know. He was totally clueless and absolutely terrified.
Suddenly coming face to face with Angel, nude or not, after all this time left Cordy witless. It really seemed like there should be a lot of funny stuff to comment on considering their situation, but her mind went blank. The only thought she could form was that Angel was here, and that made her unexpectedly apprehensive. Angel’s timid voice broke the silence and startled her.
“Cordy. Uh…this might be difficult, but maybe we shouldn’t be so far apart. I mean it’s going to be hard to talk when we have to shout at each other.”
“And you think it’ll be easier if we’re naked and close together?”
Okay, she had a point. “Well, maybe the whole idea is that nothing stands between us. Nothing distracts us from the healing…thing.”
“Angel there are naked body parts standing between us that can do a helluva lot of distracting. Some simple Egyptian cotton sheets shouldn’t have been too much to ask for.”
Her voice was sounding a bit panicky. Angel decided the first step was to be brave enough to break the barrier. “How about this? You stay where you are and I’ll come closer to you. Is that okay with you?”
“I guess so. But stay on the other side of this tree and no peeking! Promise?”
“I promise. Okay, I’m coming over.” Angel stepped out from his hiding place and was tempted to break off a frond to cover himself. But he decided that would just make it appear like her fears over the nudity were justified. He’d gotten little more than half way to her when the earth suddenly gave way and swallowed him. “Shit!”
“What? What happened?” Cordy peeped around the tree and saw Angel up to his shoulders in quicksand. She raced from behind the tree toward him but skidded short when he yelled, “Stop! Don’t get any closer. You’re right at the edge of it.”
“I’ve got to get you out of there.” She frantically looked around for some vine or branches to reach him with. When she could find nothing she got desperate. “Helloooo! Tarzan! Jane! Whatever the monkey’s name was!! Somebody help!!”
“Cheetah.” A voice from the ooze said.
Cordy stared at Angel oblivious. “Huh?”
“The monkey’s name. Cheetah.”
“That is so not important right now. But what is important is that you are staring at my breasts. Ah hah!! I was right! You are a breast man!” She stuck her tongue out at him to accentuate her victory.
Angel sighed and relented. “Fine, you were right. Breasts one, ass two, legs three. Happy? Can we get back to dead man about to be deader?”
Cordy was about to return into flighty anxious naked girl when it hit her. “Wait a minute. You don’t breath, so if you sink, you won’t die…more. You’ll just be covered with gunk. Wow, that’s a relief.” She stood there, hands on her hips and couldn’t decide whether to go back into hiding, stay standing or sit in some awkward way. Nude sitting had its exposure problems.
“Angel, could you stop staring at my…uh…middle?”
“I’m sorry, Cordy. It’s either look at your feet…which is kind of weird talking to your feet…or try to stretch to look at your face which is beginning to hurt my neck. The middle is just the most comfortable.”
“Well, not for me. Scoot over, I’m coming in.” She dipped her toe in to test the temperature and shivered.
“No! Are you nuts? If you sink, you’ll die.” Angel struggled to stop her but only succeeded in being sucked in a little more.
“I won’t die. Well, I could die if we don’t do this right. But, I just figured it out. This isn’t real. This is just a metaphor. The quicksand represents everything that needs to be healed. I think I have to immerse myself in it to understand.” She slid into the murky gunk and was now face to face with Angel.
“Once we fix whatever’s bothering me, the quicksand will disappear. Probably. Besides at least we’re covered and you don’t have that pesky where-to-look dilemma.” She still had the smile, even up to her chin in gritty mud.
Angel finally thought of a question and hoped it would start a deeper conversation. “So why were you so embarrassed about being naked? You’ve got to know you’re a gorgeous woman and have nothing to be ashamed of.”
She squirmed a little and the quicksand tugged at her. “It’s not that. I don’t care how great looking you are, most people aren’t comfortable being exposed like that…being defenseless.”
“And that’s how it makes you feel? Defenseless?”
“Well, duh. Don’t you feel that way? You ran for cover just like I did.”
“Well, I didn’t exactly run. I could see how uncomfortable you were about it, so I wanted to take the pressure off. They’re just bodies. We’ve all got ‘em.”
Something about this conversation bothered Cordy tremendously and she desperately wanted to change course. “We need to discuss more serious matters than my body anxiety. I think we should just leap head first into the deep end. Let’s talk about Connor.”
His first reaction was shock that she remembered. She hadn’t said a word about Connor all night, and he had accepted that she was just as affected by the spell as everyone else. Now that he realized she remembered him, he felt so confused. Grateful that someone else remembered him. Someone he could talk to and remember with. He didn’t have to fear forgetting him if someone else remembered him, too. But, he was so terrified because that person was Cordelia. The one person of all of them that he’d hoped would be spared remembering.
What could he say? He didn’t know what to say, so he hoped they could put this conversation off. He could dodge and parry as well as she could.
“Can we not talk about Connor right now?
“We can’t avoid talking about Connor. He’s in the middle of all of this and… Oh, my God! What’s happening?” Cordy’s eyes widened and her mouth froze open as she tried to breathe through the fear.
Their world abruptly shifted. It felt like the entire landscape was a roller coaster ride. The mire they were in sported thick, gelatinous waves crashing at their chins. They could see the leaves shaking violently and the trees slowly swaying to their breaking points.
“Angel, what’s happening,” Cordy screamed over the rumbling surrounding them.
He was just as baffled as she was. “I don’t know. Just hang on!”
“To what?” The waves were getting bigger and a line of mud was etched just below her lips where the last wave had landed. If this continued much longer, she knew she would be yanked below the surface completely.
Angel rarely saw terror on Cordelia. She refused to show it on her face even if she couldn’t keep from experiencing it now and then. But he recognized it now. Summoning every bit of strength he possessed, he willed his arms to reach for her through the unforgiving, powerful slime.
Scene 9
It had been so easy to slip out. Everyone’s eyes were closed as Fala had instructed so they could focus their minds on Angel and Cordelia. His cat prowess allowed him to slink from the living room to the bedroom on padded toes. The door to the room was open and he had no trouble detailing exactly where Angel’s body was amid the shadows.
Gunn removed the stake from his pant waist, nestled in the small of his back where it had been hidden by his jacket. He inched closer to the bed, raising the stake higher and rolling the smooth wood around in his palm feeling for the perfect grip. The vampire didn’t move and didn’t breathe. “It’s already dead.”
He’d made it to the bed without a sound. The weapon of death was raised to the apex. All he needed to do was bring it home and he would be back. Back on top where he belonged.
A breeze at his ear caused him to twitch. He shook his head to regain the single-minded purpose and recapture the voice. “Just don’t look at its face.”There it was. His muse purring, reverberating in his head. Guiding him to his glory. He tensed his arm muscles and squeezed the wood until it creaked ready to split under the pressure.
The door to the bedroom slammed loudly. Gunn turned his head expecting to see a foe attacking but no one was there. Another waft of air cooled his sweat-drenched forehead. “Now! Before anyone comes. Do it now!” Gunn turned to dust the manipulator of his soul, but he stopped short as Angel’s form was replaced by another visage. The eyes that were open and pleading with him belonged to a memory. The sister he had been forced to stake so long ago.
“Alonna?” He whispered in disbelief.
“You don’t have to do this. I can make it stop. Do you want me to make it stop?” Alonna’s voice and her undead eyes were filled with love for her big brother…just like it was before. Before he’d come and she’d died in his place.
Everything was Angel’s fault. It should have been him he’d dusted, not his sister. He didn’t know how, but he knew if Angel had never shown up in their lives, Alonna would still be alive. He’d been distracted by the strange vamp. If he had never been there, they wouldn’t have chased him into that warehouse where she almost got impaled. Angel didn’t save her. He almost got her killed. And then he was there again when they kidnapped her and turned her. It was Angel’s fault! He owed that demon nothing except payback for Alana.
And now this…this magic trick. This wasn’t Alonna. Alana was dead!
Gunn closed his eyes and raised the stake with both hands above his head.
“It wasn’t your fault. I forgive you.” Her words were a bullet through the wall around his heart. It was just a crack, but enough of one for all his doubts to push through it until the crack became a fissure, then a crevice and then weakened from the pressure, it tumbled.
His hands trembled and the muscles in his arms turned to mush. The stake suddenly felt as heavy as an anvil, and he let it slip from his hands. Rubber legged, he collapsed wrapping his arms around her body sobbing.
“Please make the pain stop, Alonna. Please.”
The shadows in the room began to move, crawling wordlessly into the corners, up the wall and disappearing somewhere above the ceiling. In a moment the gray bedroom morphed into the brightness of the white room temporarily blinding him. When his vision cleared, Gunn stood alone, arms no longer wrapped around the ghost. She was now in the middle of the room facing the snarling, drooling black cat.
“Alonna, no!” Gunn moved to shield her from the impending attack but like the first time he tried to save her, his legs felt like lead and time slowed to a crawl. He watched horrified as the feline propelled its sleek, powerful body at the frail vision.
Alonna transformed and took flight in a blur of lustrous black feathers before a claw could draw blood. The bird dug its talons into the panther’s ears and held the death grip as the animal rolled and pawed to free itself. A steel beak pounded into the yellow eyes like a jackhammer. First one and then the other until there was nothing left but hollowed out pits.
But still the animal roared and bucked desperate to maul the offending winged creature. The beak dug deeper into the bloodied openings and pecked at the center of the cat’s power. Little by little, bits of brain were cleaved and discarded until finally nothing remained of worth but the fur carcass.
Gunn was made breathless by the battle and dropped to his knees. With the death of the panther all of the ambiguities of his life flooded back to him. Gone in an instant was the clarity he craved, replaced with the murkiness that comes with free will. He thought he was back to the beginning, back to the pain and unbearable loss and it tore at his sanity.
“You veered from your path, Gunn.”
He lifted his head and watched amazed as the triumphant crow drifted to earth and shifted into the child, Fala.
“Why? Why did she die?” He felt this child, this spirit, knew the answer and everything in him needed to know.
“She didn’t die. Her form is gone, but not the sister you loved. She will live again and you will know her again. You have always known her.”
This was all mystic crap. It had nothing to do with anything. “You didn’t answer my question. Why did she die?”
Fala sighed. “She died because she was ready. That’s why we all die. She couldn’t wait until you were ready to let her go. If that’s how it worked, no one would ever transcend beyond their first life. You must learn this, Charles, before you will be ready to move on. Which, by the way, will not be for some time as long as you don’t veer again.” She grinned knowingly and reached out her hand for his.
He stood, her small hand still enveloped by strong, fighting ones. Looking down at her, Gunn’s eyes silently asked one last question. A prayer needing answered.
“Yes, she’s happy.” Gunn let out the breath he’d been holding since he had inhaled his sister’s dusted remains. The relief that flooded his veins warmed him heart and soul. He finally allowed himself to be happy for her and found joy and peace in that moment.
Fala squeezed his hand and led him toward the exit. His vision blurred from the blinding light before him, and in an instant the white room was left behind for good.
At once he was back in his position in the circle. All eyes were still closed except for her intense blues. In his mind he heard her say, “Focus on life, Charles. Focus on the rest of your family here and now. They need you.”
The last thing he saw before he closed his eyes was the smiling face of Alana letting him go.
Scene 10
Through sheer willpower he had managed to move his arms and body enough to reach her and drag her to him. As the world trembled and crumbled around them, he held onto Cordy determined not to let her drown. She had enough adrenalin coursing through her to clamp onto his waist while he held her upper arms.
When the quaking finally subsided, they both loosened their grips but didn’t let go.
“What the hell was that,” her voice shook echoing the trembling still in the pit of her stomach.
“I’m not sure, but whatever it was seems to be over. Are you okay?”
“Oh, sure. But I’ve gotta say, I’ll never jones for a mud bath again because this stuff is just finding all sorts of places to seep into…and ewwww.” She scrunched up her nose and wrinkled her forehead and Angel couldn’t help but chortle and concede he had the same problem.
When they both shook the mental pictures of seeping mud from their minds, Cordy sucked up her courage and forged ahead. “Okay, here’s the thing. I’m pretty much over this ‘see who can be the most avoidy jerk’ battle we’ve got going here. I want to get back in my body and I definitely don’t want to stay in this crap any longer that I have to. So let’s start talking and only the truth passes through our lips no matter how much it hurts. Deal?”
Angel knew it was now or never. No matter how fractured she might be, there was no stopping a determined Cordelia Chase. He only hoped he’d know what the truth was when the time came.
“You’re right. We’ve got to do this and get it over with. As strange as this may sound coming from a vampire, but I’d give anything for a nice confessional booth with curtains and some wood between us.” He smiled nervously and Cordy wanted to slap him on the side of the head, but remained restrained. “Where should we start?”
Cordy shrugged. “You’re the master healer. You pick.”
There were so many self-inflicted gunshot wounds to the foot where these two were concerned. So they started at the beginning and worked their way to the present. They talked for hours about seemingly every detail of every day since they met again in LA. It was obvious that they were both guilty of being over protective of the other’s feelings, and that ultimately resulted in all the misunderstandings. After rehashing the Darla saga and why he’d lied, they tackled her lies about the visions and how they were killing her.
The major theme of all their discussions boiled down to lies. Lies told to avoid pain and stave off the inevitable arguments. As they both firmly resolved not to lie to one another again, the viscous goo lightened its hold on them and they floated a bit higher. Encouraged by the change, they were both eager to keep going…but slowly.
There were still scores of unspoken hurts and unanswered questions, but Angel wasn’t quite ready to tackle the really big bads like Jasmine or Connor. The talk of the visions, though, had reminded him of something Skip had said about Cordy being manipulated. And, that this influence over her stemmed from the visions and her becoming demon. He knew how the visions started, but the demon part… Well, she’d kind of glossed over that, and he’d never pushed her on it before. But now it was time.
“Why did you become a demon, Cordy? The one thing I’d love to be free of, and you chose it. Why?”
“I told you why. One, the visions were killing me. Two, I didn’t want to die. Three, the visions were making you crazy. Four, I chose the only logical option which was to become part demon.”
“Whoa, back up a second. The visions were making me crazy? What the hell are you talking about?”
Oops, here it was. The little tidbit she’d left out of her original story. Why she felt it necessary to lie about it the first time wasn’t exactly clear now. Except she knew he would’ve been pissed that he was part of the reason she was now part demon.
“You know the PTBs gave me an alternate life. What I didn’t tell you about was that in this other life you had my visions and you had been driven crazy by them. I don’t understand why since you’re a demon and all, but I like to think it’s because I wasn’t around to sooth your ass off.”
She smiled waiting for the patented Angel smirk and…uh….just a second…oh…oh….there it was.
“So there you were living in a dingy room, filthy and completely nutso and something in me needed to help you, and the only thing I could think to do to calm you down was to kiss you. So I did. And then, history repeated itself, and I got the visions back. That’s when Skip told me about the demon loophole and I took it.”
“So that’s how they did it. They used me to manipulate you into becoming half demon.”
“I wasn’t manipulated, Angel. I chose to do it. Not because of you. Well, not just because of you. I knew before I saw you that my life was supposed to be about more than acting. Seeing you like that only made it easier for me to do what I already knew I wanted to do.”
“But, Skip said we had all been manipulated. That you had been tricked into becoming a demon.”
“And you believed an evil, lying mercenary because? Why? Huh? Because Angelus never fibbed? Angelus never tortured anyone by playing on their fears before? Please, Angel, no one manipulated me or you. If you truly believe that, then our whole life together is a lie, we aren’t really friends, and why exactly are we here trying to get back to that big lie?”
“Wait. How did you know what Skip said? You weren’t there. You were in the warehouse…”
“I was never here, Angel. I didn’t leave the higher plane until Jasmine left my body. Then I fell hard.”
God, Angel was confused. “But, Skip said you were in there just not driving.”
“Again with the trusting of the evil demon Skip. Sure he was fun as hell, but he was a liar! The moment I entered the higher realm, Jasmine began slowly worming her way into my body and pushing me out. It took some time because apparently I’m stubborn.”
“I’ve heard that about you. Never noticed it myself.” Cordy was about to call him on yet another untruth, when Angel blurted out, “That was sarcasm, not a lie!”
“Damn you’re getting too good at reading me. Is there no mystery left between us? Anyway, the point is that Jasmine was here in my body, but I was trapped up there watching with no way to tell you.”
Angel had desperately hoped that she, somehow, had been spared seeing and knowing how the being that possessed her body had tricked them and used them. His guilt about not knowing it wasn’t Cordy doing all those things, but an evil interloper instead was excruciating.
“You shouldn’t have had to tell me. I should’ve known it wasn’t you. I thought I knew you so well, but along comes something masquerading as you, and I fall for it without hesitating. I know it’s an excuse, but I just wanted you back so much and was so grateful that you were back that I didn’t think or question anything. I’m so sorry I let you down and…everybody.” He couldn’t look at her now. The weight of the shame and guilt on his conscious was so heavy he couldn’t lift his head.
“Angel, I’ll admit that it hurt me that you couldn’t tell the difference between me and a hideous monster at first. But I know you didn’t let this happen or allow it to happen. She used your feelings for me to tie you up in knots and keep you confused. It happened TO you just like it happened to me. I don’t blame you and it won’t do you any good to blame yourself.”
“But when you…it… With Connor…I should have known. God, Cor, you could never do that. He was like your son! Instead of trying figure out what was going on, I turned my back on you and him.” His eyes were filled with tears and they spilled freely when he finally looked up and saw her crying and chewing on her bottom lip.
He was so vulnerable right now. She wanted to take him in her arms and rock him until the hurt faded, but she couldn’t get past her own pain at the mention of the rape of her body. And the fact that he hadn’t at that moment known for sure it wasn’t her in bed with Connor was the reason she was broken.
She felt it and realized it for the first time. There was some part of Angel that felt she could do that and that’s why he had believed it. And there was some part of her that knew she had done that…before…and she didn’t deserve any forgiveness.
All the memories that had been buried for so many years rushed in on her and swallowed her. All the feelings of shame and worthlessness that had tinged her soul most of her life were swirling in her stomach and making her sick. If she didn’t get the filth out of her, it would rise and choke her. But she just couldn’t speak. Her mind couldn’t form the words that would free her and Angel from their guilt. She couldn’t bare to see the disgust in his eyes if he knew.
Angel had no idea what Cordy was thinking. He only knew he needed her to say something. To forgive him one more time. But she only stared into space and cried. He wanted to touch her, but he was afraid she’d cringe. Her lips began to tremble, her soft tears became sobs and he couldn’t stay away from her any longer. He slowly and gently pulled her into his arms. When she didn’t respond, he felt she had finally left him.
He whispered in her ear, one last desperate plea. “Please forgive me, Cordy. I couldn’t live if you didn’t forgive me.” He hid his face in her shoulder and begged her with his tears.
She couldn’t take it anymore. He needed her forgiveness? Didn’t he know? Couldn’t he smell it on her? Wasn’t it obvious that she was a whore and that her veins stank with bile? His embrace was a too warm, and she didn’t want that comfort around her one second longer. She wasn’t worthy of it. She brought her hands up to his chest and clawed at him.
“No….no…no….don’t touch me! Get away from me!” Her banshee scream and scraping fingernails on his chest shocked Angel to his core and he backed away. Her eyes were wild and focused somewhere else, and her face was so contorted in remembered pain that he didn’t recognize her.
“Cordelia, please. Oh, God, I’m so sorry. Please, please forgive me.”
She finally heard his muffled voice through the years of suppression that blanketed her mind. She turned her gaze on him and saw the fear in his eyes and marks on his chest and she gasped as the horror descended on her conscious thought.
She began to speak haltingly and hauntingly. Telling him the story of who she was and why she could never forgive him.
“I was just a little girl… Maybe five or six… Daddy had clients, you know? And when one of them said something about what a beautiful girl I was, I guess something clicked in Daddy’s mind. He could use me to help him get the big deals…”
Angel didn’t understand what she was saying. It was as if they were in separate dimensions not just having different conversations. What did this have to do with Connor and forgiving him? What was she trying to say?
“At first it was just ‘Let Mr. So-and-So hold you in his lap, Cordelia’…. And then the touching started…in front of my Dad….huge hands sneaking under my dress…rough fingers and scraggly nails scratching between my skinny thighs…”
Finally it hit him what she was saying and he wanted to vomit.
“Then one night one of them came into my room… Daddy showed him the way and even opened the door for him. Always the polite host.” Cordy sported a sarcastic curl of her lip. The first change in facial expression since she began speaking.
Angel wanted to kill something. He wanted to take her father and shred his skin slowly with his nails and then rip his dick off and shove it along with all of his severed fingers up his own ass. If he ever saw the bastard there was no way he would be able to stop himself.
“The man didn’t mind that I cried. I think it made him like me more because he came back several times. And there were others. Anybody that Daddy wanted to land and showed any interest in me… I don’t know how many there were. What’s funny is that I started developing early, about nine I guess, and that’s when they lost interest. I guess they only liked babies.”
She focused on Angel’s angry eyes and quickly looked away not knowing it wasn’t her he was furious with.
“I did tell him I didn’t want to do it. I did try to stop it. But Daddy just looked at me and said, ‘Cordelia, you have to learn what your assets are and use them if you want to get anything in this life’. So that’s just what I did. My whole life I used my body as my one and only asset to get what I wanted.”
She feared looking at Angel again, but she had to. She had to look into his eyes so when she explained the rest, he would know it was all her fault and he could forgive himself.
“Don’t you see? That’s why I was picked. For Jasmine. That’s why it was so easy for you to believe…Connor and me. You must’ve known what I was. It’s part of me. It’s ingrained in my DNA. I was born to be a whore and a slut and they knew that, and they knew you’d sense it. You did nothing wrong. I can’t forgive you, Angel, because you don’t need to be forgiven.”
She wanted to ask his forgiveness, but she knew she wasn’t deserving of it. His whole life was ruined because of her. His son was gone because of her. He’d never see Connor get married and know his grandchildren because of her. She prayed when they were through that Angel could go back to his life and find some happiness and that she would be allowed to fade away.
Angel was reeling. This was not happening to her. This did not happen to her. She could not truly believe that she was this vile being that she just described. How could she believe this about herself? This was Cordelia Chase. She knew herself and believed in herself more than anyone he’d ever known. What the fuck was happening here?
“Cordelia, I can’t believe… Are you insane? I’m sorry. I really want to just hold you and tell you everything will be all right, but I’m just too angry with you right now. How can you possibly believe that you are that person? I have never in my life met a more caring, loving, honest, sweet and strong person as you. What happened to you is the worst thing I can imagine…”
“That’s just it, Angel. You can’t imagine. You don’t know what it’s like to live every day knowing that the person you pretend to be isn’t who you are and you’re scared to death everyone knows or is going to find out. Have you felt the fear when a stranger next to you in line points at a woman and whispers ‘what a skanky ho’ and you’re sure they’re talking about you? Or the pain that tears at your gut when friends joke about sluts never realizing that they’re right next to one? Or how it proves to me I’m scum when the rape victim in a movie is treated like she deserved it or when a man looks at me and I know all he sees is a piece of ass? Do you know what that’s like? Every day some inconsequential thing reminds me that I’m trash. The dirty feeling never leaves. I scrub and scrub, but I know the stain of it can never be washed away.” Cordelia was gasping for breath and exhausted. She had no fight left in her and all she wanted was the peace of forgetting…again.
She was right. He didn’t know and he’d never know how much she’d lived through before he’d even met her. What was he thinking, yelling at her like that? Was he trying to debase her just like her father had for expressing her feelings? He could be such a prick sometimes. She had just told him something he was sure she’d never told anyone before and in spite of the disgust he felt at what had been done to her, he was more proud of knowing this woman than he’d ever been before.
“Cordelia? Do you have any idea how much I love you? Can you possibly fathom how much I admire you and wish I could be half the person you are?”
“Stop it, Angel. I don’t want or deserve your pity. I only wanted you to understand why none of this is your fault. So you can have a little peace about Connor.”
He walked through the now much thinner bog and grabbed her arms. “And that is exactly why I can’t imagine a more perfect human being than you. I’m not pitying you, Cordy. I’m in awe of you. Look at me. Please look in my eyes.”
She did as he requested and the love she saw there burned her. She didn’t want it. She couldn’t accept it.
“I know you don’t believe it now, but I am going to help you believe. I. Love. You. All of you. Everything you are. As much as you hate yourself right now, it’s only a tenth of the amount of respect I have for your strength and courage. You have to fight to stay a little longer. You have to give me a chance to prove to you that you are worth everything to me.”
Cordy knew he believed what he was saying, but she was just so tired. Maybe she could lean on him for awhile. Maybe she could let him lift her up and keep her feet from the mud that seemed to follow her everywhere.
He saw her eyes soften just a little and a final tear well up, spill and make a clean path through the grime on her cheek. It was the sign he’d been praying for. He put his arms around her and pulled her into his chest. When she relaxed into his embrace and tentatively slid her arms around him to accept his help, he felt the change in their surroundings.
The quicksand was no longer thick and sooty, but a clear and soothing stream caressing and cleansing their locked bodies. The forest seemed to come alive with sound and high above they heard the caw of a lone crow and watched its black, glossy wings glide toward them dancing on the wind.
Scene 11
The separating of the souls and re-ensouling had gone well and seemingly without a hitch. They would have to wait for the tranquilizer to wear off to make sure Angel was really back, but there was no reason to really doubt it. Fala had been certain he had returned to his body, and that was enough assurance for everyone. Of course, not enough to take the chains off yet. They weren’t that foolish.
The whole ritual had taken a little more than five hours and the entire crew was feeling the strain. Lorne and Fred had agreed to take Fala home and had just left. Wesley and Gunn remained behind to make sure that Cordy and Angel were fine.
She had awakened instantly and was anxious to see Angel, but her body was still very weak. So they carried her to him and laid her beside his still unconscious form. Dennis carried the blanket from the gurney and tucked it around her.
“Thank you, Dennis. How are you doing?”
The pad appeared and he said, “Lonely without you. I can’t sing for you now.”
“I’ll always remember your voice, and I’m not leaving you.”
“I know, but it’s not the same. But, I’m happy you’re okay now. I love you, you know.”
“And I love you. Don’t worry, sweetie, we’ll figure something out.”
Gunn stood in the doorway keeping an eye on them just in case Angelus woke up in Angel’s place. Wesley was in the living room gathering all the ritual items and generally putting the rooms back in order.
Cordy asked Gunn to put some candles around because the overhead light was too bright and still hurt her coma sensitive eyes. As he lit a candle close to her and the glow of the flame licked his face, Cordy studied him intensely.
She placed her hand on his wrist to draw him closer. “Something happened to you while we were getting all healed up, didn’t it? You’re different. I feel it.”
“Yeah, you could say I scratched an old itch. How about you? You all patched up?”
“I’m…still in the patchy stage, but I think a few more cases of gauze ought to cover all the major wounds.” She smiled but there was still pain in her eyes.
“Not a problem. You just say the word and I’m all over gauze patrol, and I’ll even throw in the tape free of charge. Nothing’s too good for you, Queen C.” He bent down and tenderly kissed her forehead.
Angel moaned and the chains rattled next to her. Gunn retrieved his stake from the dresser preparing for the worst. Cordy stroked his cheek and whispered in his ear, “Hey. Are you in there, soul boy? C’mon talk to me.”
The vampire growled and licked his lips trying to come back from the void. His eyes fluttered and he felt the warm, soft stroke of her hand coaxing him gently from slumber. He blinked a few times to adjust to the light and turned his head toward the radiant body next to him. When he saw the dark hazel pools gazing at him, he remembered everything and felt such gratitude that she had believed in him enough to try. She had come back and it was enough.
Cordelia knew just what he was thinking. “What can I say? I’m a glutton for punishment. Now what’s the code word so Gunn here doesn’t dust you and all that wonderful mud wrestling goes to waste?”
“Code word? Was I supposed to have a code word?”
“Angel, just tell me something we talked about while we were gone, so we’ll know for sure it’s you and not Angelus. Not that I don’t already know, but you know Gunn. Picky, picky, picky.” She smiled, and Gunn relaxed a little.
Angel thought for a moment and then said, “Cheetah!” Proud of himself for thinking of the perfect code, he flashed them both his dorkiest grin.
Gunn lowered his stake and pulled out the keys for the locks. “I don’t know if that’s right or not, but that stupid ass smile can only belong to Angel. Angelus wouldn’t be caught dead with that grin on his face.”
Cordelia beamed at two of the amazing men in her life, and for the first time she felt like she was home.
Scene 12
Unchained and finally alone, Cordelia was resting on the bed and Angel was heating some blood in the kitchen. There was a knock at the door, and he padded barefoot and bare-chested with his warm brew to answer it. On the other side of the threshold was a leather-clad man with a spiked collar, holding a nasty looking black whip.
“Ooooo, but you’re a pretty one. I’m looking for an Angel and I’m praying to my guardian one that you’re it!” Scott, the chain-loving neighbor, was dressed for an evening of bondage fun just as promised.
Angel couldn’t think. Was he still in that strange soul world or maybe still dreaming? But why would he be dreaming of this?
“Where’s the tall, scruffy looking one with the British accent? Is he already tied up? Am I too late?” Scott peeked into the room searching for the party.
It was all beginning to gel in Angel’s mind. Chains, British guy… Yep, Wesley was dead meat.
“Oh, that would be Wesley Wyndham-Price the third. He works at Wolfram & Hart, downtown. I’m sorry, I forgot he said you’d be dropping by. He told me to tell you the party had moved to his place. He’s at 4370 Regency, number 15. The code for the building is 6886. Just go right up.”
“Well, thanks! Will you be coming later?”
“I might. But if I don’t, you tell Wesley that I’ll be sure and give him some cold, hard steel next time I see him.”
“Oh, my God.” Scott was still in the hall fanning himself when Angel closed the door and headed back to Cordelia to cheer her up with a smirk and funny story.
He didn’t notice the telephone handset rise in the air and the buttons punching out Wesley’s number. Now if only Dennis could figure out a way to warn him before Scott got there. Being a ghost wasn’t like it used to be…before he had friends to worry about…before he knew Cordelia. It was so much better. For the chance of being part of her life, he would die again and again.