Author: Cordelia’s Destiny
Posted: 19 Sept 06
Summary: Cordy has a burning question.
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: GT, Just Fic, Angel’s Archive, anywhere else, let me know.
Notes: This fic was inspired by a Hallmark card I saw the other day. Enjoy!
Feedback:if you must. (if you don’t, I’ll come after you! JK)
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Is it ‘buck naked’ or ‘butt naked’?
A sigh of exasperation. “Which one is right? Butt naked or buck naked?”
“Uhhh…Why do you want to know?”
“‘Cause it’s bugging me. This idiotic article posed the question and then failed to answer.”
“What does it matter?”
“It matters because I have a whole list of annoying, piddly little questions like this floating around in my head, and I don’t want to add another one.”
“What are the other questions?”
“Where do I start? Um, okay, I guess, why does 7-11 have locks on the doors when it’s open 24 hours a day? And why does the drive-up ATM have Braille on the keypad? Why do hot dogs come ten to a package and hot dog buns have eight?”
“Where does the missing sock go when I do my laundry?”
“Exactly. Now you’re getting it.”
“But why are you asking me?”
“Well, you’ve been naked a lot, right?”
“I…I guess, yeah.”
“So then since you’ve been around forever and you’ve been naked a lot you must’ve heard it a million times.”
“I…I guess. But what does it matter?”
“I told you already. ‘Cause it’s annoying.”
Sigh. “I think it’s buck naked, Cordy.”
“Hah! That’s what I thought, too. Until I started to think about it. Because a buck is a deer, right?”
“It is. And deer aren’t naked. Well, they are, in that they don’t wear clothes, but they have fur, which counts as clothes. At least if you use cartoons as an example. Because cartoon animals are like people since they talk and act like people anyway. And there are countless examples of naked cartoon animals.”
“Yeah. Like Donald Duck who only wears a shirt and no pants. And Tom and Jerry, who don’t wear clothes at all. And Bugs Bunny, who only wears clothes when he dresses like a girl.” Pause. “But then, I guess, that doesn’t really help my explanation at all.”
“No. Anyway, naked cartoons aside, people, who can be called ‘buck naked’–if that’s the right one–have nothing to do with deer, anyway. So why would it be buck naked?”
“Then it’s butt naked, Cordy.”
“See, I thought so, too, but then I started to think about that one. It seems right, because your butt is out there in the open if you’re naked, but it isn’t only your butt. So why don’t they call it legs naked? Or tummy naked? Or back naked? Or boobs naked? Or just plain naked?”
“I have no idea.”
“Now you see why it’s so annoying.”
“I think you’ll just have to chalk it up to the unanswerable mysteries of the universe, Cor.”
Sigh. “I guess.” Pause. “You know, that’s a weird word, naked.”
“Why are you staring at me like that?”
“Like you’re imagining me butt naked.”
“Or is it buck naked?”