Chapter Thirteen:
“What do you mean, she has gone to LA? How could you let her go?” yelled Brian.
“She left in the middle of the night. I didn’t even know she was gone until this morning.” The Highlander left out the feeling of fear that came over him when he realized that Carol was not in the loft. The girl was becoming to mean a lot to him.
“She packed a bag, took my car and left a note saying not to worry,” continued Duncan. He was getting angry with the young watcher. The watcher was holding something back, something important. “Why are you so frightened about Carol being in Los Angeles?”
“Well… Well, it’s dangerous there. I mean she was murdered there and well…,”
“Do you know who killed her? Is he still a danger to her?” Duncan demanded.
“Yes, no. I mean, yes I know who killed her and no, I image that the murderer has since died, probably quite painfully.” The watcher remembered the rage of the vampire who couldn’t save Cordelia.
“What aren’t you telling me? Where is the danger if he is dead?”
“You don’t understand, he was not the only danger she faced,” yelled Brian.
“No, I don’t understand, but that is because you haven’t told me everything have you, Brian?” Duncan asked in a decidedly dangerous tone.
“Um,” choked the nervous young man.
“Tell me”
Brian sat on the couch defeated. He started slowly, “Her name is Cordelia Chase, she was born in Sunnydale, CA. She was the rich, pretty, popular girl, you know May Queen, cheerleader that sort of thing,” Brian said wistfully, remembering all that he had read about her. The boy has a crush on her, thought Duncan.
“Anyway,” Brian sighed shaking away the picture in his mind of Cordelia in High School. “Unfortunately, for the living and the dead residents of Sunnydale, the town is on top of the largest hellmouth in the world.” Duncan was puzzled by the watcher’s choice of words, as well as the term hellmouth, but he didn’t interrupt.
“I say unfortunate for the living, because the hellmouth draws all things evil, especially vampires.” Duncan choked back a gasp. He didn’t want to stop Brian’s tale.
Brian continued, unaware of the change in Duncan’s expression. “Still, it is unfortunate for the vampires, because the hellmouth also drew The Chosen One, the Vampire Slayer to Sunnydale. So, you see up until Cordelia graduated from high school, almost two years ago, she has off and on helped the Slayer fight the evil of the hellmouth. One of the reports on Carol..Cordelia, described her graduation. The Slayer fought off the mayor of the town who had somehow transformed into a giant demon snake. Cordelia with some other students helped defeat the demon, by blowing up the school…
“What she must of have lived through,” he said almost to himself. “I mean demons, vampires…. Have you ever seen a vampire?” Brian didn’t expect Duncan to answer, so he completely missed the old immortal’s nod. “I mean they’re terrifying, deadly and evil… soul or no soul,” he added under his breath. “So, you see, I had to do what I did,” he demanded, begging the immortal to agree.
“Brian, I don’t know what exactly you did or what you have told me as to do with Carol going to Los Angeles.” Duncan said gently to the distraught man.
“That’s where the vampire is.” Brian got up and started to pace. “Cordelia left that hellmouth of a town and tried for a normal life in LA. Did that happen, no.” Brian stopped pacing and stared out the window.
Duncan remained quiet, letting Brian gather his thoughts.
Slowly, Brian continued, “Once in LA, she ran into a vampire that tried to kill her. She was saved by the vampire with a soul, if you can believe that one?” laughed Brian weakly. He tried to ignore the memory of seeing the souled vampire cry out in pain as Cordelia was killed.
He tried to block out the images of the vampire silently crying at the end of the pier watching the water after failing to find her body. It was the vampire’s fault that Cordelia had suffered so much pain in her short life, he justified with vengeance.
“Brian?”
“Oh, well, she started helping him fight all the evil in the city, helping to redeem his soul as if that could be accomplished,” he said with disgust. “That’s why she was killed, because she was helping. One of his enemies kidnapped her and cut her throat, then dumped her in the ocean like trash. It was all the vampire’s fault. I couldn’t let her remain in the water, could I?” Brian gained strength from the older immortal’s nod of approval.
Maybe the Immortal would approve of the rest. “When Cordelia started to breathe again, she didn’t remember anything. I couldn’t tell her, she needed to be safe. So, I brought here to be safe and trained as Carol Tempo.” Brian took Duncan’s small nod as approval. “You understand.”
“I understand that you care for the girl and are outraged by what she has been through, I understand why you had to save her. I even understand why you brought her here,” Duncan acknowledged. “But, you lied to her about her past, I imagine you did it because you wanted to keep her away from the evil..” He stopped at Brian’s vigorous nod. “But, it is her past, her life and she deserves to know it, for her own safety if for no other reason.”
“No.”
“Yes, she has gone back to Los Angeles and we don’t know why. We don’t know if her memory has returned. If it hasn’t then she is in more danger than ever. She knows how to defend herself, but she doesn’t have any idea what she may have to fight.”
“Oh, God, what have I done?” cried Brian
“Come on, we will take your car.”
“Where are we going?”
“To find Carol. She may need our help.” Duncan left the loft. Brian followed quietly behind him.
Chapter Fourteen:
Angel drove the whole way back to the office, staring into the rearview mirror. He needed to see that Cordelia was behind him at all times.
He didn’t understand how she was back. He saw her die, he knew that her wound had been fatal. And if by some chance he was wrong, she couldn’t have survived being thrown into the ocean. Angel felt a stab of guilt and pain as he pictured her death.
The imagines were interrupted by a flash of panic when he loss sight of her headlights. Angel was about to slam on the brakes, when he saw the headlights.
He sighed with relief. He thought back to the alley. Cordelia had been there prepared to fight. And where did she get the sword? Where did she learn how to use it with such proficiency? How did her injury heal so quickly? Why didn’t she remember him?
And who was this Duncan person? He shouted that last question to himself. Angel didn’t have the answers to any of those questions. But right now, he didn’t care. Angel knew that the warm, breathing, beautiful body he had held was his Cordelia. SHE WAS ALIVE, his heart leapt with joy.
He pulled up to the office; he soul freer than it had ever been before. Angel rushed to the other car as it parked behind. He barely gave Cordelia time to turn off the engine before he pulled her out of the car and embraced her. She could get use to this, thought Cordelia. Hold on girl, this is a vampire, get a grip, she thought moving out of his embrace.
“Still happy to see me, I guess.” Cordelia quipped, trying to distance herself from the feeling of belonging she felt in his arms.
“Very,” Angel said softly.
She shot him a soft smile. “Not exactly the high rent district?” Cordelia looked at the old office building.
“No, but it meets our needs,” he chuckled.
“Ours?”
“Yours, even though, you would never admit it, mine and Wesley’s…”
“What’s wrong?” Cordelia sensed the vampire’s unease.
“Wesley, he is going to be very surprised. He was upset when we thought you had died.” What an understatement that was, Angel thought to himself.
“Like you?” She wanted to hear the vampire say again that he cared.
“No, not like me,” he said hoarsely, staring into Cordelia’s eyes.
A warm feeling invaded Cordelia’s body and it scared her. She gave a nervous cough. “Maybe we should go in, now”
“Yes, let’s take you home, where you belong,” Angel said roughly.
Chapter Fifteen:
Wesley was looking at the city map, crosschecking street names with the various homeless shelters’ addresses. He looked up at the sound of Angel’s cough at the door. Wesley was stunned by Angel’s expression. It looked like the vampire was smiling.
Shit, Angelus, he panicked. Angel was confused by Wesley’s look of shock and apprehension. That was until he realized that he was smiling.
“It’s okay, Wes. It’s me, really.” Angel reassured his friend.
“You are…smiling.” Wesley stuttered in disbelief.
“I know.” Angel tried to take the smile off his face. “Wesley, I found something wonderful on West St.” Wesley could not comprehend. There was nothing wonderful on West St. or anywhere else in the whole damn city, now that Cordelia was not there to point out, how not wonderful it really was.
“I don’t understand, Angel.”
“I know, I am doing this all wrong.” He thought for a moment. “Oh, hell, I will just show you.” Angel moved aside and pulled a nervous Cordelia out from behind him.
Wesley’s look of incomprehension turned into shock. He stumbled backwards, grabbing for his crossbow.
“Hey, wait a minute.” Cordelia went for her sword. Angel sensed her movement and placed a hand on her arm. She glared at the vampire. “You said we are friends.”
“You are.” He turned the watcher. “Wes, it really is Cordelia, she is not a shape shifter, vampire or any other…demon for that matter.” Angel stumbled on the last part remembering his previous doubts.
Cordelia shoved Angel’s hand off her, and moved further into the office, giving both men an offended glare. Wesley blinked at seeing the one and only patented Cordy glare.
“I am not a vampire, shape shifter, or any type of stinky, yucky demon…I am Immortal,” she yelled. She turned to Wesley and started to poke him in the chest. “So, are you going to shoot me or what? But let me tell you, Mr. Suppose-to-be-my-friend, its going to take more than one little arrow to take me down.”
Wesley dropped his weapon.
“Umph” The angry girl started to turn.
“Cordelia!” The watcher shouted and grabbed the girl into a big hug. He rocked her back and forth in a wild jerky movement.
“Hey. Stop. I am getting dizzy. STOP” Cordelia yelled, struggling against his grasp.
The ex-watcher let her go, still looking at the young girl with wonderment, joy and love. His expression made Cordelia gasp. She flung herself in the chair, covering her face with her hands sobbing.
“Cordelia, Cordy, don’t cry please”, begged Angel, kneeling beside her.
“Why can’t I remember? Why can’t I remember, why you both care?” Cordelia sobbed harder.
Wesley looked at Angel. “What is wrong with her?”
“She doesn’t remember who she is or who we are.” Angel explained softly.
“Then how?”
“Not now Wesley.” Angel gently pulled Cordelia’s hands from her face and wiped her tears away. “We care because you are our friend and you are the heart of our small, strange family.” Cordelia sobbed harder as she heard the words and sensed the truth in them.
“Shh, you need to rest. We will talk more later.” Angel gathered her in his arms and carried her to the elevator. His heart broke as he felt her trembling against him. Angel sensed that Wesley was going to ask another question. He shot his friend a glare, stopping Wesley’s words before they came out of his mouth.
Wesley nodded and let Angel take Cordelia downstairs. Wesley thought his heart would burst; Cordelia was alive. How? Well, that is an interesting question, he thought, pulling open one of his research tomes.
***
Angel returned downstairs after awhile. “She is asleep.”
“Good, good. God, Angel this is amazing, wonderful.” Angel watched Wesley put into words, his feelings. It was really wonderful.
“Um, Angel?”
“Yes”
“You wouldn’t happen to know what an Immortal is?”
“I am immortal”
“No, you are a vampire who happens to be immortal. Cordelia said she was an Immortal. Not ‘I am something or another’ who happens to be immortal.” The ex-watcher corrected.
Angel noticed the open books on Wesley’s desk. “No luck?”
“No, the only references I can find are vampires, obviously, and other demons who live forever.”
“She is not a demon.”
“No, she is definitely Cordelia. Maybe Giles knows something?”
“Don’t call Sunnydale, yet. I want…I am just not ready for them to descend on us again.” Angel pleaded.
“Quite right, I totally agree.”
“Angel?”
“Mmmm?”
“It really is quite wonderful, isn’t?” Wesley smiled.
“Yes, it is.”
The friends sat in silence with smiles on their faces. Wesley was enjoying the knowledge that Cordelia was alive, but with his natural curiosity he wanted to know how Angel found her.
“Actually, she found me.” Angel told the former watcher of the events in the alley.
“Interesting, so she is still having visions. That must have been difficult. Seeing all of those demons, and not knowing what it meant. She must have thought she was going crazy.”
Angel frowned at the watcher’s words. He didn’t want to think of Cordelia in any pain. He looked up, sensing something; he raced upstairs. Wesley got up and followed. Oh please, let everything be okay, he prayed.
Chapter Sixteen:
By the time Wesley reached the apartment, Angel was already in the bedroom holding Cordelia.
She finally felt safe. The strong arms around her, the hands stroking her hair, the soft words, this felt right. She moved closer into his arms.
“Cordy, was it a vision?” Angel continued to stroke her hair. Wesley watched from the doorway.
“The visions are the ones accompanied by the sharp knife to the brain, right?”
“Yes,” he answered wishing he could take away all of her pain.
“Then, nope, this was just your average scary, gross nightmare,” she said turning into his chest.
“Tell me.”
Cordelia looked up at him, then at Wesley in the doorway. She knew that they wouldn’t think she was crazy. It would be pretty nervy of a vampire and a former rogue demon hunter to think her dreams were nuts.
Unconsciously, she settled against Angel, pressing her back into his broad chest. Angel automatically held her tighter. Neither Cordelia nor Angel seemed to realize how their movements brought them closer together. Wesley did notice with some unease. That worry was for a later date, he hoped.
“Well, basically, I was big, fat and very pregnant with like seven demon babies. I guess I should be grateful that I didn’t see how those little demon spawns were conceived…I even drank blood, ewww…no offense. ” She nudged at Angel.
“That’s great!” Angel and Wesley yelled at the same time.
“What kind of sick weirdoes are you?” Cordelia screeched, trying to push away from the smiling vampire.
“But, Cordy, that’s not a dream, that is a memory.” Angel pulled her back into his embrace.
“Are you telling me, I got pregnant by some big monster…like the one in the alley?”
“Actually, no, totally different type. The one that impregnated you was a Hacksaw demon, much larger and more horrific than a guta…. But this is wonderful, your memories are returning.” Wesley exclaimed, totally missing the shocked look of horror Cordelia shot his way.
“Oh god, Duncan was right, my nightmares are my memories of my past. Well, you can keep them and my past, they’re gross.” She regretted her words as soon as she said them. Cordelia felt Angel tense and then release her.
She could have also sworn she heard him growl. She cursed herself and her big mouth, when she looked at his face. It was so filled with guilt and pain. “Angel, I didn’t mean…”
“You should get some sleep,” he said sadly and walked out of the room. Cordelia looked at Wesley. She had hurt his feelings too, by her callous statement. She started sobbing uncontrollably.
Wesley went to her and held her. “It’s all right, Cordelia.”
“No, it’s not, I cause him pain and I hurt your feelings too.” She sobbed. “I didn’t mean it, I do want to remember Angel and you, I do…,” she sobbed into Wesley’s shoulder.
Wesley patted her awkwardly on her back. He wished Angel hadn’t gone off in a huff, the vampire was so much better a calming down an upset Cordelia. Another sudden feeling of unease accompanied that wish. He chose to ignore it, to leave it for another time.
“I know you didn’t mean to hurt our feelings. Angel knows it to. It’s just that he feels so guilty that you have gone through so much. He blames himself, it’s the curse of the soul, you know.”
“Soul?” Cordelia asked, having calmed down a little.
“Angel is a rare find, a vampire cursed with a soul.”
“Having a soul is a curse?”
“It is when you are a vampire. Vampires, in general, have no conscience, no feeling of compassion or guilt, they enjoy killing. Before getting his soul, Angel was quite the evil creature.” Wesley shuddered as he recalled his last encounter with Angelus.
“I don’t believe it, Angel could never be evil.”
“Angel can’t, but Angelus was and can be the most evil of demons.”
“Angelus?”
“That was what Angel was called before he got his soul. He was cursed to remember and feel responsibility for all the horrors that he committed as Angelus. That’s why he does what he does, helping the hopeless, he is trying to atone for all of his sins.”
“Oh god, that is not fair, he is good, I can feel it. I don’t care what anybody thinks about his mistakes a lifetime ago. He must feel so alone. Oh, Wesley, I have to go to him, I can’t let him suffer anymore,” she cried.
Wesley’s feeling of unease came back a thousand fold, as he heard the ignorant girl minimize the danger of Angelus. Every bone in his body screamed ‘danger’ as he heard the girl’s desperation to run and comfort the vampire.
Okay, so maybe this was the time to start worrying, he thought. He had to tell her, before she did or said something, they all would regret. Wesley hoped Angel would understand and forgive him.
“Cordelia, Angelus is a real threat for Angel. He has been loose recently. And he was evil. He likes to hurt people and he is very good at it.”
Cordelia shook her head in disbelief. Damn’t he had to get through to her. But, he couldn’t tell her about the most recent visit from Angelus. Hell, in the state she is in right now, she would probably think it was romantic.
“Cordelia, you don’t remember this, but you have met Angelus twice, once in Sunnydale, where you grew up and once here. I won’t go into all of the details, but you have experienced the terror of Angelus. He killed someone you and your friends cared about very much. He killed her as a sick joke.”
“I don’t believe you. If he did this thing, how could I work with him…you said we are a family”
“You are here, because you have a unique ability to separate Angel from Angelus. But Cordelia, you do know that Angelus is still a threat. You also, know that Angel wants his soul redeemed more than anything. You know, that if Angelus returns, Angel will be damned for eternity. You know that because of the curse, that Angel can become Angelus, if Angel experiences true joy.”
“True joy?”
“Yes, Angelus was first released when Angel experienced true joy with his one and only true love, Buffy.”
“What kind of name is Buffy?”
“It’s the name of the Chosen One, the Slayer, a beautiful young girl that holds Angel’s heart.” Wesley knew that he was laying it on a bit thick, but she had to believe.
“Angelus emerged after they consummated their relationship. And Angelus attacked her. He didn’t kill her; he just terrorized and tortured those she loved, until she was forced to send him to hell. Angel returned, with his soul, but he and Buffy knew that they could never be together for the risk of Angelus. You know all of this, Cordelia, you just don’t remember. I am telling you now because I don’t think it is something that can wait.”
“Does he still love her?” she whispered.
“Of course, very much,” he lied shamelessly.
“Oh…I am tired, ok…and Wesley, I am sorry,” she said softly.
Wesley got up. He was right to do what he did, but he was sorry that he had hurt Cordelia. She looked so young and sad.
Cordelia waited until Wesley closed the door, before she broke down in tears. She didn’t know why but her heart was breaking.
