Chapter Ten
The first thing Cordelia saw when she woke up was Angel sitting in the chair by the bed. He seemed so still, his unblinking gaze never left her face. Cordelia blushed as she scooted up against the headboard, pulling the sheet up to cover her nude body.
Cordelia didn’t know why she was so embarrassed about her nudity. Angel had already seen, touched and fed off every part of her. Her hand gently brushed the most recent bite marks on her neck. Angel flinched as her inquisitive fingers touched the small wounds.
“Angel, why is this still happening? This wasn’t because of the spell, was it?”
Angel moved towards the bed. Cordelia pushed herself further away. “Please, just stay there. Please,” she whispered her face becoming redder.
Angel returned to the chair. He sat watching Cordelia. He didn’t know how he was going to tell her about the bonding, she was going to hate him. He closed his eyes at that thought.
“Angel?”
“Cordelia, the spell’s effects are over, but…but, the spell made me do things that I would never have done to any mortal, especially not you,” he said.
“I know that, I was there. I was effected to. I mean I would never have had sex with you, either,” she agreed. Cordelia wasn’t really lying. She wouldn’t have had sex with Angel, no matter how much she had dreamed about it, because of Angelus. Of course, that was before Angel had told her that there was no chance of the evil guy showing.
Angel could sense that while Cordelia was not lying exactly, she was hiding something. He instinctively reached into her mind trying to find her secret. Cordelia’s eyes widened at the intrusion. “Stop that,” she said shocked. “How?”
Angel withdrew from his quest, chastising himself for violating her privacy. He took a deep unneeded breath. “Cordelia, during our…lovemaking, I fed off you.”
“Again, I know that, I was there.” Cordelia was just relieved that he was no longer trying to get into her mind.
“Yes, you were,” he smiled remembering every one of Cordelia’s enthusiastic responses to his touch and lips.
“Stop that,” she cried clutching the sheet closer as she sensed Angel’s growing desire and her own response to it. “How is this happening?” She begged the vampire.
“The feeding created a bond, there is a connection between us. One that allows me to access your emotions.”
“Are you saying that you can read my mind,” she asked nervously. She didn’t want Angel to read her thoughts and find out that she loved him. This was becoming too weird and potentially way too embarrassing, she thought.
“No, I don’t think reading your mind is possible,” he chuckled.
Cordelia got annoyed about his comment, but she was also relieved. Cordelia forced her feelings of love for the vampire deeper into the small locked box in the corner of her mind.
“I can feel yours and more,” she said in awe, sensing the vampire’s presence in her mind, as well as his desire and guilt.
“When I allow you to,” nodded Angel.
She raised her eyebrows at his statement. “Allow?”
Angel nodded and slowly shut down all of his emotions. Cordelia scrunched her face at the loss. But his presence was still there, she thought gratefully. Guiltily, Angel took the next step to show her what the bond really meant. Angel summoned all his concentration and blocked his presence from Cordelia’s mind.
Cordelia gasped in sudden despair at the emptiness she felt. She was alone again, like in her dream. Uncontrollably, she sobbed. “Please.”
Angel quickly reached to the girl in the bed, reestablishing the connection. “Sh, Cordy, I am here. I won’t ever leave you again, I promise,” he said stroking her body greedily. Angel had meant only to show Cordelia why she would always need him, but he hadn’t expected the emptiness inside of him that he felt for that one second that he blocked their connection.
Cordelia pushed back the vampire. “What have you done to me?” she whispered.
“I am sorry. But you are mine, now.” Angel could sense the girl’s shock and growing agitation.
“Yours?”
Angel nodded. “You are mine, my responsibility and I will always protect you,” he promised the now angry girl.
Cordelia sat stunned. “Protect me,” she ranted. “Like messing around in my head, feeding off me like I am some walking blood bag, having sex anytime you want without worry about turning into the big, evil, evil ‘grr’ guy, do you mean protect me like that?” she shouted bitterly.
“Cordelia,” he soothed trying to calm her angry thoughts.
“Stay out of my head,” she screamed at the vampire. “Or does what I want no longer matter?”
“Of, course, it does.”
“Oh, really, it didn’t seem to matter earlier, when I wanted you to leave me alone. But you didn’t leave me alone, now did you? You got yourself another quickie and dinner,” she yelled, working herself into a rage.
“Cordelia,” the vampire shouted back. “It wasn’t a ‘quickie’ and you needed me, you were going to die.” Cordelia glared at the vampire, knowing that he was right.
“Need maybe, but I don’t want you,” she yelled, lying convincingly.
Angel glowered at his beautiful seer. Now he was getting angry. She was his; he had left his marks on her to prove it. And when those healed and disappeared, he would make more, he growled possessively. No one, not even the seething girl in front of him would ever be able to doubt his ownership.
“You are right, Cordelia. What you want doesn’t matter, you are mine,” he growled. “The bond is permanent and I will not let you die. Deal with it.”
Cordelia winced at the flow of possessiveness that emitted from the vampire. “Angel, Why? You don’t even love me,” she cried.
Angel closed his eyes at her anguish. He tried to master his anger. “No, I don’t love you and be grateful.”
“Grateful?” she sobbed.
“Now, there is no fear of Angelus.”
Cordelia wiped her tears away and gathered her strength. “Be Grateful?” she asked coldly, composing herself. “At least with Angelus, I understood why he was a bastard,” she said forcing down all of her emotions. Cordelia got off the bed letting the sheet drop to the floor. “Now, I am going home. Where are my clothes?”
A part of Angel knew that Cordelia had every right to be angry and that she deserved his understanding and patience. But another part, the part of him that needed to have her with him didn’t care at this point. “You aren’t going anywhere,” he growled.
“Excuse me, Mr. ‘grr’ guy”
“Cordelia, this is now your home. I will get your stuff at sundown.”
Cordelia looked at him stunned. “I am not living with you.”
“Yes, you are,” he growled.
Cordelia gathered her strength. “No.”
“Yes. Cordelia don’t make me force you. I will do anything else for you but let you leave. You belong here with me.”
Tears running down her face, Cordelia felt defeated. “I hate you,” she choked running into the bathroom slamming the door.
Chapter Eleven
Wesley came into the hotel, dropping the books he had been carrying on the front desk. He looked around puzzled. Usually at this time of day, Cordelia was there, chatting on the phone trying to drum up business or at the computer.
Or if nothing else, she was at the front desk doing her nails, thought fondly.
“Wesley.”
Wesley started at the sound. “Angel, I didn’t see you.” He turned to look where Angel was sitting in the armchair. “How are you?” Angel remained silent. “Angel what’s wrong?” Wesley had noticed that the vampire seemed to be in one of his darker broody moods.
“The dreams of Darla haven’t come back, have they?” the former watcher asked in concern.
“No.”
“Is it Cordelia? Where is she?”
“She is upstairs.”
Angel wondered how much to tell the former watcher. He would probably have to tell him everything. Wesley would soon figure out that something was going on. Especially, when he finds out that Cordelia would be moving into the hotel and sleeping in his bed.
Now Wesley was really troubled. Angel had become even more pensive at the mention of Cordelia. “Angel, is she alright?”
Angel hesitated. He really didn’t want to deal with Wesley’s anger right now. “She is fine, for the most part.” He answered evasively.
“Angel,” Wesley demanded the concern evident in his voice.
Angel knew he had to tell their friend everything. “While you were gone, Cordelia and I were affected by some sort of hormonal spell,” he answered finally.
“Hormonal? As in…”
“Sexual. The spell induced an uncontrollable need for sexual gratification.”
“How uncontrollable?” Wesley asked shocked. “You and Cordelia didn’t have…”
“We had no control,” Angel answered simply.
“Oh my god! Angelus! How is Cordelia? I mean you said she was alive, right? But he didn’t hurt her, did he?” Wesley’s voice rose in alarm.
“No, there was no Angelus.”
Wesley sat down doubly shocked. “Really? You and Cordelia engaged in intimacies and no Angelus. Angel is your soul permanent?” the former watcher asked hopefully. “That’s great…”
“No.”
“It’s not permanent. Then why, how?”
“Because, I don’t love her, that’s why.” Angel was suddenly angry about having to tell this all to Wesley. This should just be between Cordelia and him. It was none of Wesley’s business, he thought irrationally.
“Uh,” said unusually speechless former watcher. Now he was triply shocked. “What does…You don’t love Cordelia?”
“Of course not, I still love….”. God, why was it so hard to remember her name.
“Buffy” Wesley finished looking at the vampire speculatively.
“Right, Buffy. I love Buffy. Cordelia is just my friend,” explained Angel.
“Wait, I am getting a little lost here. You have decided that you don’t love Cordelia and that’s why you didn’t lose your soul.”
Angel nodded.
“Angel, do you have any research to support that theory. I mean did Cordelia have a vision or did maybe the oracles tell you this or at least did the demon M.C. happen to read it in your aura after you sang a couple of stanza’s of bad Barry Manilow.”
“No, but I don’t need somebody to tell me that I don’t love Cordelia. I know how I feel. And anyway, it was because…Buffy and I loved each other and acted on our feelings, that Angelus appeared the first time.”
Wesley just stared at the vampire for a moment dumfounded at how deluded Angel was about his feelings for Cordelia. But Wesley wasn’t sure that telling the vampire that he was an idiot was the best thing to do at this time.
“That last part is probably correct, but there is no reason to test the rest of theory, though, right? The spell is over, right? There is absolutely no reason for you and Cordelia to engage in sexual relations ever again, right?”
Angel remained silent.
“Angel?” Wesley demanded becoming more agitated at Angel’s continuing silence.
Angel got up and turned away from his anxious friend, ignoring his last question. The vampire watched Cordelia descend the stairs. She was wearing one of his shirts. It was buttoned almost all the way up to her neck, the long sleeves hung past her small hands.
She had found a pair of baggy sweat pants to replace her torn and filthy jeans. Cordelia walked straight up to Angel, oblivious to Wesley’s presence. She raised her still red eyes up at the vampire. Cordelia had promised herself that she would win this battle. She already knew that she had lost the war.
“Angel, I need to go to my apartment,” she said flatly.
“That has already been decided,” the vampire said firmly, ignoring Wesley’s gapping jaw.
“You can’t keep me here as a prisoner,” she said hating how her voice had begun to shake.
“Prisoner? Cordelia, of course, Angel doesn’t want to keep you as a prisoner,” jumped in a stunned Wesley.
Cordelia started as she noticed Wesley. “Um, hi Wesley.” Cordelia’s hand shot up to her shirt and pulled the collar closer together. “Um, hi,” she repeated, again.
“Cordelia, how are…”
“Angel,” she turned back to the vampire, once again oblivious to her other friend. Angel said nothing. Because that was exactly what he wanted to do, the vampire realized. Angel wanted to keep her locked in his bedroom where he knew she would always be safe.
Cordelia’s eyes widened. She could sense the fierce possessiveness the vampire felt towards her and the desire. She touched his hand hesitantly. They both looked at her small hand on his larger one. She glanced up at the vampire, the struggle between her need and determination apparent on her tear stained face.
“Please, Angel. I know you could make me stay, but I need to leave here, just for a little while, please. And I do have to get some things, clothes and stuff.” She gestured to his clothes that she was wearing. “It won’t be for long, then I will come home.”
The tension in Angel’s body relaxed as he heard her acceptance of the inevitable. Angel was relieved; he didn’t think he would have had the strength to control his vampire instincts, if she had continued to fight him. And more than anything, he didn’t want to cause Cordelia anymore pain.
“Okay,” Angel said tenderly touching her face. “But be back before dark.”
She nodded and gave a slight smile to the vampire. Cordelia didn’t even glance at Wesley as she rushed out of the hotel.
Chapter Twelve
“You bastard, you fed off her during the spell and you are still doing it,” Wesley yelled as soon as Cordelia had left the premise.
Angel just stood there. Wesley was angry, very angry. Angel had felt Wesley’s rage grow as soon as he had noticed the recent puncture wounds on Cordelia’s neck. Angel knew he would have to face Wesley’s wrath. Angel deserved it.
He was just grateful the Cordelia hadn’t realized that their friend had noticed the marks.
“You have to stop it.” Wesley had known immediately what the implications of the bite marks on Cordelia’s neck meant. The effects of a vampire feeding off a mortal had been required study in his watcher’s training.
“It is too late, the bond was established before the spell wore off.”
“There has to be a way to lessen, if not break the bond between you two.”
“No,” Angel growled his demon visage secure on his face.
Wesley was not scared at the change in the vampire, but at the emotion that caused it.
“Angel, have you even tried? You have to, can’t you see,” Wesley continued more calmly. He had to reach Angel and make him stop before it really was too late.
“Angel, look at you. You cannot let your demon control your actions with Cordelia. It will be disastrous for everyone, especially Cordelia.”
“I am not Angelus. I will not harm her. I will protect her,” he growled at his friend.
“Protect her? How will you protect her from you?” Wesley countered. “Angel, face it you care about Cordelia.”
“Of course, I do she is my friend,” Angel said gruffly trying to control his vampire.
“Angel, listen to me carefully. Listen with your soul, not your demon- you care about her, a lot,” he emphasized. “You are engaging in intimacies with her. How long before you think, Angelus makes an appearance?”
“It can’t happen, I don’t love her.”
Wesley took a deep breath. “Angel, this theory of yours is founded on some very dubious, if not downright wrong assumptions.”
“Damn’t Wesley, I am not happy about this, any of this,” Angel yelled in frustration.
“Who are you trying to convince Angel, me or you? Wesley asked. “You don’t feel happy, satisfied that a beautiful woman that you care about, needs you and is totally dependent on you. Tell me that doesn’t appeal to your ego as a man, as well as the demon.”
“I am not using her, but I cannot leave her. It could literally kill her.”
Wesley shut up. Everything he had read about the bond between a vampire and a mortal confirmed Angel’s last statement. His instructors had suspected or hoped that a slayer could resist the effects of such a bond, but they also admitted the risk was to great to test that theory.
And Cordelia was not a slayer, Wesley thought with resignation. Angel was right. The bond could not be broken. But something had to be done; Angel and Cordelia could not continue to engage in sexual relations, the risk of Angelus was to great.
“Angel, from what I have read, the bond creates a physical and mental need in the mortal for the vampire’s presence and for the feeding to continue. But there was no mention that sexual intercourse is the only way to meet the mortal’s needs. The feeding and your presence alone should do that. Feed if you must, but don’t have sex. If the feeding does bring out an intolerable sexual urge in Cordelia, let her have sex with someone else…”
The rest of his sentence was stopped by Angel’s large hand around the former’s watcher’s throat. In game face Angel lifted his friend off the ground. “She is mine,” he growled.
“Angel,” choked Wesley grabbing at the vampire’s arm. Angel dropped Wesley to the ground, disgusted by the former watcher and at his own lack of control.
Angel turned from his fallen friend trying to calm down. “Look, Wesley, the soul thing is not an issue. Yes, I do care about Cordelia and yes, she is a very beautiful woman, but for the soul clause to happen, I not only have to have sexual gratification, but a moment of true joy and contentment. Even if I loved Cordelia, how in the hell am I ever to be content knowing if Cordelia had any say in this she would say no fucking way?” Angel crudely asked.
“She doesn’t love me, her actions and feelings are the result of magic and my lack of control. You saw her, she hates me. No, the only thing I feel is shame and guilt,” he finished no longer angry, just sad.
“Now please just leave me alone.”
Wesley stared at the guilt-ridden vampire. Wesley knew that Angel was deluding himself, not only about his feeling for Cordelia, but, also about her feelings. Wesley had been around the two of them long enough to know that they both cared deeply for each other, probably even loved each other. But he knew that he would never be able to convince Angel.
The vampire didn’t want to be convinced that being with Cordelia was dangerous. But maybe, he hoped Angel’s self-delusions would give Wesley the necessary time he would require to figure out a way to fix things.
“Angel, one question,” he asked getting off the floor.
“I am not going to leave her alone.”
“No. My question is, do you know who performed the spell and why?”
Angel shrugged and turned away. “I don’t know and at this point, I don’t really care.” Angel headed up the stairs.
“Angel, it maybe important.”
“We had been on our way to meet Lenny, when it happened.” Angel responded never breaking his stride up the stairs.
Wesley decided that the first thing he needed to do was call Gunn, then together they could go question the snitch. Actually, he corrected, the first thing he had to do was to get some more tranquilizer darts.
***
“So, you think there maybe a return of Angel’s dark vamp side?”
“That is what I am afraid of,” answered Wesley. He had met up with Gunn at the kid’s warehouse home.
“This Angelus dude is a really bad ass dude, uh,”
“The worse.”
“Okay, then.” Gunn started to pile a bundle of wooden stakes, a several bottles of holy water, and some crosses in a large canvas bag.
“Gunn, he is not Angelus, yet,” Wesley coughed, as Gunn reached for a flame thrower.
“Got to be ready,” the street kid, stated packing the flame thrower.
“We are not going to stake Angelus. If he shows, we will tranquilize him, chain him until we can find away to return Angel’s soul.”
“And if we can’t or if Big Bad Angelus decides to hurt the Barbie Doll?”
“Then we stake Angelus.”
“Just as long as we understand each other. Now let’s go find this snitch.”
