Cordelia slowly stalked out of the girl’s locker room, cheerleading practice long over. She walked down the grey halls….looking down at the grey floor, and thought, gee. If only I felt as cheerful as that grey.
Her feet silently plodded on, and she glanced out at the approaching darkness as she reached her locker. Practice had sucked. Harmony and Aura were rolling around in her misery till their fingers got all wrinkly.
Her mind wasn’t really on cheerleading, her heart wasn’t in a cheery mood, and she still felt unsettled and out of place.
It had been one week. Seven days. A kabillion hours, since she had had sex. She had had sex. Cordelia Chase had sex. With not Xander. Wow. Her mind still boggled. She’d had bad sex with, of all the freakin’ choices in the whole world, Angel….god, did he have a last name?
Well, anyways, sex with Angel. And it really was ok, up to the point where he’d tried to split her in two. She hadn’t been back to the library since, and she had avoided being around the Scoobs unless she was stuck in class with them.
And Angel, she hadn’t heard from. Not that she was available. She had turned off her phone and had spent each night in her room watching damsel in distress movies on the Lifetime Channel, telling herself that it could be worse, like in the movies. She could have amnesia, her daughter could be a hooker, her husband could be secretly gay, she could have some funky illness that required her to wear ugly hospital gowns.
She opened her locker and glanced at the now blank inside of the door. She had ripped down the pictures of Xander and the Scoobs and had torn them up. She had mentally killed them all, except maybe Giles, because he was old and wore tweed and what could be worse than that? She sighed, setting reaching for her books and noticing the checked-out book on Marie Antoinette that was due at the library.
Shit. Like she wanted to see those faces. Without the pained expressions they wore while she killed them in her mind, that is. But if she didn’t return this book, Giles would charge her actual money, like there was a rule about when to bring the damn book back or something.
Jeeze. Until she had to pay 7 bucks in late fees for Lolita, she had always assumed that the due date was a suggestion.
She thought a moment, clutching the book. Too late for the scoobs to be having their after school meeting….too early for them to be strolling in for the evening’s festivities. She probably had just enough time to slip in, drop off the book, and skip out for home. She gathered up her backpack and the book and started down the hall.
God, she felt old. She felt old, and she felt tired. And that whole sex as the end all thing….what a massive disappointment. She kicked at the floor as she strolled down the hall. Life seemed to be full of disappointments lately.
She pushed open the door and looked around the large, darkened room. Good. No sign of life. She slipped in and reached to toss the book on the counter when she heard soft footsteps. She turned and peered into the darkness, and felt her breath catch as Angel emerged out of the dark of the corner back behind some tables.
Angel felt a whisper of relief pass through him. Oh god, finally. He had been coming here every single night since last week, trying to get Cordelia alone. He’d gone to her house and stood around waiting for her to leave; he’d tried to call but got the Chase answering machine; he’d drunk more beer in the last seven days at the Bronze than he’d had in the last ten years, just waiting for Cordelia to stroll in, underdressed and overconfident.
He was kind of glad the Bronze meeting hadn’t happened, because he would have to kill any whelp that even looked at her, and Buffy would then come after him, and it would be just bad. So here he was, hoping like some kind of lovesick swain for a glance at his Helen and here she was.
“Angel. Oh. Hi.” Her voice was squeaky. “Um. I don’t know where Buffy is. You might try her at home.” And she turned to go.
“I’m not here to see Buffy.” His low voice was much closer and she jumped, turning again to find him right at her elbow.
“Dammit, Angel, you have got to stop that. Take up smoking. Or knitting. But lose the stealth.” She took a breath. “I have to go.”
“Cordelia. We need to talk.”
“No we don’t.”
“Yes, we do.” His voice was calm. “I wanted to know….I just wanted to ask, how are you?”
“What?” she looked blank, like she wasn’t registering the question.
“How are you? Are you alright?”
“Mmm. Yeah. I’m….I’m fine.” Her reply was guarded. Angel looked at her, measuring her.
“Cordelia….I wanted to talk to you. I think we need to clear a few things up. I think there was….a…..thing….”
“Yeah, I’d say there was a thing. Holy cow.” She looked around, as if hoping for help navigating this conversation. “Look, we were both needy, we were sad, it’s been a crappy few months for both of us; let’s chalk it up to…”
“…It being your first time and you getting stuck with a schmuck for a partner.”
Angel kept his amusement to himself. Trust Cordelia to call it like she saw it. You always knew exactly where you stood with her.
“Cordy….” His voice was soft and low. “It was…a first time. Sometimes those go a little…wonky.”
“Wonky.” She repeated, suspicion in her voice.
“Yeah. It won’t be that way again.”
“Again?” Her voice rose a bit.
“Next time?” the squeak was back, and she was starting to panic. “There’s not going to be a next time. Are you nuts?” Her voice rose even higher, and Angel lowered his voice and looked around.
“Cordelia, if your voice gets any higher only dogs will hear you. Calm down.” Cordelia looked at him, shocked, and pressed her lips together. “Good. Here’s the thing. It was me. I wanted …I really wanted you. And I wasn’t careful, like you deserved. And Cordelia…” she looked at him, frozen.
He leaned in to her and whispered, “I want another chance.”
“Oh” Cordelia took a breath. “Well, um…no. But thanks for asking.” And she turned to go. Angel watched her moment and thought.
“Didn’t you find Xander and Willow here?” His voice was calm.
She stopped dead in her tracks and slowly turned around to face him. A fine red haze clouded her gaze. “Yes, dork.” Her voice was pushed out through clenched teeth. “I found them right here in the library, which is pretty funny, since the hardest read Xander gets is when the Far Side uses words of more than two syllables. And by funny, I think you get that I mean, not funny at all, but hatred inducing.”
“Yeah, I get that. So.” His voice was casual. “Think of that every time you come in here now? Them, um…macking?”
She sighed, dropping her backpack on the floor. “Yeah. It was right up there.” She nodded towards the stairs that led to the upper level of stacks. He followed with his gaze, thinking.
“Show me where.” She looked at him, surprised. “Really. Show me where you found them.”
“What is this, some kind of….tourist thing? Ya wanna see the source of my misery?”
He looked at her impassively. “No. Not the source of your misery. The place where your heart was hurt.”
Cordelia looked at him a moment, feeling as if she had been wrapped briefly in warmth. No one at school thought that she might be sad, or hurt. The only compassion she had been shown was from a vampire with erectile dysfunction, and that was exactly how sad her life had become.
She sighed and turned towards the stairs, dimly lit by the moonlight filtering in the upper level windows. She walked slowly up the stairs, feeling him right behind her, silently following. She turned the corner and walked down the aisle, pausing at the end and pointing.
“Right there. Loser marks the spot.” And she stared down at the floor, remembering Xander’s shocked face when she found him and Willow. Ratbastard.
Angel stood beside her silently before speaking slowly. “You know….that’s almost like…a ghost. A ghost that haunts your mind. That’s how bad memories are. They haunt you and make it hard to move on. But you know….” His voice remained calm. “…You could take this spot right back.” His hand slowly rose and settled on her hip. She twitched and jumped aside, staring at him.
“My god. You brought me up here for….for that?”
Angel looked at her and leaned into her. “It wasn’t all bad, Cordelia. You liked some of it.”
She was still. “Yeah, ok, I liked some of it.” Her voice was quiet.
“What parts did you really like?”
Cordelia looked at what she could see of his face. He seemed completely serious. She sighed and looked down the aisle, as if to find the answers there. “I liked it when….when you kissed me.”
He leaned down and kissed the corner of her mouth gently. She smiled a little and whispered, “That’s not how you kissed me,” without even thinking.
He slowly ran his hands up her shoulders as if to give her time to step back, and pulled her into him, tilting his head and taking her mouth with a hunger that roared through him without warning. She took right back, and moaned as he pressed his hands to her ass, pulling her even closer. His mouth was amazing. Hot and demanding. She felt all her sadness drain away, replaced by an ever growing feeling of need.
She broke the kiss off and stepped back, panting slightly. “Yeah, ok…..that was…..yeah.” In the dim moonlight, she could see his lips twitch.
“Yeah. That was yeah, Cordelia.” He lowered his head a moment, and then raised it again. “Anything else you liked?”
Cordelia smiled, a small lift of her lips. “I liked it when you….” She stopped, not able to voice it. She shyly took his hand and raised it, pausing just before placing it on her breast. Angel looked down at her, cupping the full mound beneath the t-shirt. She looked up at him, her eyes clouding over a bit in the glow of the moonlight.
He looked down at her seriously as his hand slowly kneaded and caressed her, feeling her nipple poking out at him into his palm. He pressed his hand against her and slowly began circling her breast with his fingers, smaller and smaller circles, closer to the center. She looked down at his hand, shadowy in the dim light against the white of her tshirt. She raised her wide eyes to meet his and leaned into his hand, her eyes holding his as he began tugging at her nipple with greater pressure.
“Ok…yeah….ummm….I liked that part….” Cordelia’s voice was soft as she leaned into his hand. He smiled into her hair and his other hand lifted to stroke up her bare thigh, up to the hem of her shorts. She shifted restlessly from one leg to the other and pulled her head back to look at the shadowed lines of his face.
“Um….your hand….” He slipped his hand beneath the edge of her shorts and stroked at her beneath damp warm panties. Cordelia slowly rose and fell against his hand, lazily rubbing herself back and forth over his fingers. He watched her a moment, sucked in her scent, uniquely hot and seductive.
“Do you want me to stop? I can.”
“I…..no. Don’t stop.”
He leaned down and tugged at her shorts, pulling them off along with her panties. She kicked her tennis shoes off and wiggled the shorts and panties down her long legs before kicking them off carelessly. Her legs parted and he pressed his palm to her mound, pushing in gently. He brushed his mouth over her ear and whispered, “does this feel good?” as one finger stroked through the slick flesh between her legs.
“Yes….” Her voice was a reedy whisper. Her hands rose and clutched at his arms and her body seemed to rise up as she pressed in harder against his hand. This was the good part, she thought….this had been good…..oh wow…had it been this good?
Angel gently pushed one finger into her tight channel, stroking her with the slowest of caresses. Cordy’s eyes closed and she parted her legs a little …an invitation for more. Angel felt a shiver race up his spine; his control had never been greater. It was strained, but it was taut. Another finger joined the first, and they languidly pushed in and out, a slow, lazy rythym that was slowly driving Cordy to some foreign edge. She whimpered and began rocking her hips against his hand faster, feeling helpless to some need. Angel felt the ridge of his erection pressing against her through layers of clothing; he rubbed his hips against her body as his hands pleasured her.
Cordy panted as she suddenly gripped his wrist. “Angel…” her voice was thin and urgent. He stopped and looked down at her. Her eyes were huge in the darkness, wide and fixed on his face. “Angel. I want…..I want more than your hand.”
He stared down at her. “Baby…..are you sure?” ignoring the relief that began to flood him.
“Yes. Yes.” Her head nodded frantically. “Please.”
Angel reached down between them and unfastened his jeans, pulling out the rigid length of his cock and stroking it before reaching around her body and cupping her ass with both hands. She reached up and grabbed at his shoulders as he raised her up, looking at her face to face.
He slanted his mouth over hers and unleashed his control, devouring her mouth with all the natural dominance that drove him. She moaned and rubbed her body up and down over his….he could feel her nipples poking at him through her clothing. He raised his head and looked into her eyes as he hitched her body up a bit, smiling as her legs rose and loosely wrapped around his hips.
“What?” Her voice was shallow, slightly panting.
“Just…..damn….” He managed to grunt out as he slowly lowered her onto his cock….slowly…..waiting for the first sign of discomfort. She slid down onto him, all tight and wet and hot and gripping. Her mouth made a small O of surprise as he slid all the way in, his muscles bunched with the effort of care. He held her easily, and felt her legs qrip his hips tighter as she slowly flexed her body and rose up slightly, dropping back down again in a smooth, silken move.
“Damn” he repeated, closing his eyes. A choked out giggle sounded and he pressed his lips against her head as he lifted her and lowered her, holding her firmly. His legs braced as he took her weight easily, his hands holding her hips with gentle but firm grip. Their bodies moved together, finding a rhythm, slow and easy…..then a little faster. Cordelia felt her body instinctively clench around his cock every time he lowered her onto it, her back arching more and more as if trying to push in closer.
“Angel?” Her voice sounded a little panicky. “Angel? I think….um…..I….” suddenly she threw her head back, her entire body gripped and taut as she came, a startled shriek sounding gutturally from her throat as waves of icy heat poured through her. Angel pumped harder and faster, riding her orgasm to his own, feeling her clenching muscles spasm around his cock as he came. Jesus..it just didn’t stop. He growled, feeling his face transform as his demon appeared, out of control
Cordelia sighed and opened her eyes as he came, reaching up in wonder to stroke the ridged lines of his forehead, her face damp and glowing with a fine sheen as she crooned to him, panting. His body finally calmed, and they both stood frozen, one heart racing, one heart still.
Her legs slowly unclasped from his hips and dropped , dangling as he held her cupped to him. He opened his eyes and looked down at her, feeling her warm fingers brushing over his face, stroking the evidence of the demon that he was. They looked at each other, frozen in time, before he slowly lifted her off his cock and lowered her to the floor. She slid onto her feet and stumbled a bit. When did her legs turn to rubberbands?
Angel grinned and held her arm, straightening her. Cordelia grinned back and whispered, “wow.”
“Yeah.” Angel’s grin slid away as he looked at her. She’d fed him blood, she’d stroked his face. She’d wanted to try intimacy again when he’d been such a lout the first time. Someone was definitely in control here, and he had a horrible suspicion it wasn’t him.
“Angel…what is it?” Cordelia looked up at him, the smile bleeding off her face. He didn’t answer, he just kept looking down at her as his face slowly settled back into his normal visage.
“It’s…..” He looked at her a moment, all glowy, shiny, trusting…every thought she had was there in her eyes. There was no artifice there. And she looked…..satisfied. “It’s you.” He chuckled mirthlessly. “You. I wanted this to be for you. And it ended up being for me.”
Cordelia’s smile reappeared. “It was for us, Angel. It was for both of us.” She looked down, suddenly shy, and grabbed at her discarded shorts just as they heard the library doors swing open and the lights were flicked on. Cordelia blinked, panicked, at the sudden brightness. She looked up at Angel, her eyes wide, as she leaned down to yank her shorts back on.
She pulled them up, grimacing as the cool dampness settled between her legs. She looked down the aisle, her heart racing, as footsteps sounded on the stairs. She heard the rustling of clothing, and looked over to see Angel quietly fastening his jeans. He motioned her to be quiet, and they listened as voices whispered to each other, giggling.
“C’mon. Buffy won’t be here for a while…and the G-Man is probably home having tea…” Xander’s voice took on a bad British tone. “Plenty of time to play…”
Willow giggled at him, holding his hand. They stalked down towards their special place….their special aisle, and turned the corner, stopping all of a sudden. Angel and Cordelia stood there, Angel leaning against the frame of the bookshelves casually, Cordelia looking intently at the spines of the books. Her voice was bright and cheery.
“Oh! We’re supposed to be in the…um….section that has the um….history of…um…..”
“Macking?” Angel supplied helpfully
Cordelia shot him an evil look before turning to fake surprise when she saw Xander and Willow. “Oh! Hey!. Um. Just looking for a book. You know me. Study, study, study.” Angel grinned to himself as she chattered. Except for the screwed upright against a stack of books hair, the glowy flush on her face, and the fact that her shorts were on inside out, no one would ever suspect that Cordelia Chase had just exorcised the Xander and Willow macking spot of the library.
He leaned over her casually and nodded at Xander and Willow before saying to Cordelia. “I think I have that book at my place. Want to come over?”
Cordelia nodded and snatched up her backpack, slinging it over her shoulder as she passed Xander and Willow, who stood silently, their mouths open. She finally remembered that she was angry at them and brushed by without another word. Angel calmly followed and stopped just as he was walking past Xander to whisper in a conspirital tone.
“Thanks. I owe you one.” Cordy heard the low whisper and rolled her eyes as she ran down the stairs, Angel right behind her. They walked out of the library and down the hallway, silently, Cordelia’s head down.
They walked out to her car, not touching, and Angel began to worry. “Look, Cordy, sorry about that…but damn, he was so….I don’t know….outraged looking. And plainly, he has no right to be. And I thought….Cordy’s too nice….”
Cordelia’s head had been lowered the whole time he spoke and he felt panic rise up in him. He looked around, hoping for a clue on how to handle it, when she lifted her face and giggles spilled out. “Oh, God…they know……I mean, I wasn’t real convincing….” And she began to laugh, harder and louder.
“Well, yeah. I don’t think they were buying the looking for a book thing.” Angel’s voice was gentle. “And Cordelia….” She stopped laughing and looked up at him hearing the seriousness of his tone. “This isn’t our dirty little secret. I did that before, and not now. Not with you. Xander needs to know, because when he comes to his senses he’s going to want you back. And he can’t have you.”
“He can’t?” Cordelia’s voice was small, all laughter gone.
“No. I won’t let….” His voice broke off as he looked off into the night for a moment. “I guess that depends on you.” He shook his head…unfamiliar territory. “I guess it depends on…” He looked back down at her face. “You. What do you say? Are you in….or out?”
Cordelia looked back at him, knowing that this time he meant more than going into the bedroom. This time, he meant going into his life. She looked back at the school, at the library windows lit up. She looked up into his eyes, then slowly smiled.
“I’m in.” He opened her car door for her, and she climbed in, smiling as he slammed the door shut and walked around the front of the car and climbed into the passenger seat. “So….” She started the car and sped off into the night towards the mansion. “Got a stack of books back somewhere at the mansion? Because, gotta say….that was something else.”
Angel grinned, looking out into the darkness as it sped by. Cordelia, he thought, I’ve got all the something else you’re ever going to need.