June 23, 2003
“Next time we go on a road trip, remind me to pack my bazooka.”
With their hands bound behind their backs, the girls were being led down a pathway in the center of a cornfield. Four guards followed close behind as they walked through the middle of two aisles of parishioners dressed in dark cloaks. As they reached the large clearing, Faith couldn’t resist herself.
“Ooh, bonfire. Pretty.”
“Silence!” one of the guards shouted. He punched Faith in her lower back as a warning.
“Gotta love a man that’s not afraid to hit a woman,” she aloud. She was rewarded with another shot to the back.
The parishioners began to move past the idle girls, carrying their torches and chanting in Latin.
“Any idea what they’re saying?” Faith whispered.
“My Latin is a tad rusty, but I think they’re saying something like ‘All hail the Sugar Plum Fairy’,” Cordelia answered.
“Silence!” the guard bellowed again, this time delivering shots to both girls.
When the parishioners came to a stop, Brady appeared, wearing his red cloak and taking his place behind the stone bench near the large boulder. When he motioned, the guards poked and prodded until Faith and Cordelia began to move again. When they finally reached the bench, the guards forced Faith to her knees. Cordelia was forced to stay back.
Brady pulled out the ground powders from his robe and tossed them at the boulder. He spoke loudly in Latin for several long minutes before falling silent. When he completed the ritual, the boulder began to glow a blinding white light. When the light finally dimmed, Faith was hauled away from the bench, and Cordelia was thrown in her place.
Brady went through the ritual once more, but this time, when the chanting stopped, the boulder began to glow a bright bluish-green. The parishioners began to roar in excitement.
Brady turned and faced Faith. “Josiah has deemed you.unworthy.” He then turned to Cordelia. “Josiah has deemed you.worthy.”
“Pfft!” Faith sputtered. “How come I’m never the worthy one?”
“Can you drive this rust bucket any fucking faster?” Angel shouted at Gunn.
“Hey dude, just chill out!” Gunn shouted back. “And don’t call Wilma a rust bucket!” Gunn took one hand off the wheel to stroke the dashboard affectionately.
“Wilma?” Fred asked incredulously. “You named your truck Wilma?”
Gunn shrugged his shoulders, failing to see the big deal. “What? I liked ‘The Flintstones’ as a kid.”
“Really?” Fred asked. “I loved ‘The Flintstones’. But I think ‘Johnny Quest’ was the greatest.”
“Can we talk about cartoons another time?” Angel asked. “Besides, you’re both wrong. ‘Scooby Doo’ was the greatest. Now can you drive faster?”
Gunn sighed, mentally counting all the reasons why he shouldn’t and couldn’t stake the vampire. Gunn stepped further onto the gas until the needle hit 95. “If I wrap myself around a light pole, you’re the son of a bitch that’s getting me a new truck.”
“If you wrap this car around a light pole, I’m the only son of a bitch that will survive it.”
Gunn muttered a few curses before putting the needle closer to 100.
“Worthy?” Cordelia shouted. “Worthy for what?”
“Josiah has chosen you,” Brady explained. “He has decided that you will bear the child that shall lead our people. He shall come forth to sow his seed.”
“Sow his seed?” Faith asked. “Is that anything like fucking?”
Brady turned to glare at Faith. “Why is she still alive?” he called out.
The axe man pulled out his blade from his robes and moved towards the bound slayer.
“Hey Faith!” Cordelia shouted.
“Now might be a good time to start whooping ass.”
Faith grinned widely. “It’s about damn time.” Faith dropped backwards onto her back and kicked the two guards next to her in the groin. She then showed off her slayer flexibility by sliding her handcuffed hands over her feet. With a quick kick, Faith was back on her feet and ready for action.
Cordelia followed suit by giving a quick leg sweep to the two guards hovering over her. When they went down, Cordelia whipped her bound hands over her feet and joined Faith in a defensive position.
“How you wanna work this?” Faith asked.
“I’ll take the thirty on the left, you get the fifty on the right?”
The parishioners began to circle the girls and prepared to attack. “Works for me,” Faith grunted as she roundhouse kicked her first attacker. She grinned as she broke the nose of her second attacker. “Now this is what I signed on for!”
“Don’t get cocky!” Cordelia shouted back. Cordy delivered a vicious shot to one man, and a spinning heel kick to another. “Man, I kick ass,” she said to herself.
Angel groaned as they passed the sign saying 35 miles to Serenity. “C’mon, Gunn!” he shouted. “I could run and get there faster!”
“You want me to pull over and test that assessment?” Gunn asked. “Because if it means I can quit hearing your bitching about my driving, it’s all good.”
“Would you both stop acting like a couple of bastards?” Fred shouted. Both fell silent at Fred’s rare use of profanity. “I swear, you’re both like a couple of pre-school brats sometimes. If you both don’t behave, I’m going to make Charles pull this car over, and I’m going to beat you both.”
Angel and Gunn both stared at the peeved brunette. “This is your girlfriend,” Angel reminded him. “Do something with her.”
But Gunn knew better. “Dude, you’re on your own. Now do as she says, and shut up. Maybe we’ll survive the drive.”
Cordelia ducked and rammed her bound fists into the groin of an attacker. She jumped up and grabbed the man by the cloak and tossed him, knocking down three more men.
“Hey Faith!” she shouted.
“What?” Faith shouted back. She delivered a sharp knee to one man’s gut, then delivered a spinning kick to another. “I’m kinda busy!”
“Don’t be a smart ass!” Cordy shouted. “How you doing?”
Faith kneed a man in the face, the tossed him aside. “I’m fine. You?”
A kick to the throat sent another man flying. “Okay,” Cordy said. “Getting kinda tired though.”
The banter was interrupted as the earth began to rumble. “What the hell is that?” Faith shouted.
“Josiah!” a parishioner called out. “He has come forth to claim his mate!”
“Hey!” Cordelia shouted. “I’ve already got a mate, thank you very much.”
The parishioners ceased their attack and stared as the boulder continued to rumble. Baseball sized stones began to fall off the edges, and large cracks began to form along the sides.
“No good will come of this,” Faith observed.
“You think?” Cordy shot back.
The boulder then exploded, sending stone flying in all directions. Finally, the parishioners screamed, Josiah has come forth!
Standing where the boulder once was stood Josiah. Standing over eight feet tall, the demon surveyed his domain. Muscles ripped over his bronzed skin. Horns curled around his head like a ram. Long brown hair dropped down to his waist, where a long black tail whipped about.
“Where is The One?” he bellowed in a deep, otherworldly voice. “Bring her forth!” It was then that his eyes locked onto Cordelia.
“Aw man,” she groaned. “What is it with demons trying to get me pregnant?”