Title: Cute Little Flaws
Category: Pure fluff.
Summary: Angel’s POV. Cordelia is annoying, and sexy. But mostly annoying.
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
I have finally discovered the true payback for all the wrongs I have done.
Gypsy Curse? No.
Being sent to hell? Not even close.
No the real payback, the torture, my one true torment is . . .
“ANGEL! STOP SULKING!!”
The owner of what I am rapidly coming to know as ‘the fishwife voice’.
And just for the record I’m not sulking, ensouled vampires with a higher purpose don’t sulk. I’m . . . thinking.
Isn’t there another way I can be told who to save? Do I have to have Cordelia and her visions? Couldn’t instructions be wrapped around a brick and thrown at my head? What did I do to deserve this? How have I ended up permenantly linked to the most irritating woman in the history of the world?
You don’t believe me? Well you don’t have to put up with her all the live long day!
Xander Harris I never liked you but my heart goes out to you. How did you do it?
I mean this woman is without a doubt *the* most annoying, insensitive, irrational person I’ve ever met, and believe me, I’ve been around.
She’s completely tackless, well that’s like saying vampires don’t tan well. I’d be here all day if I got started on *that*.
She’s so nosy, she never lets me brood in peace. It’s always, “oh what is your tortured soul getting all wound up about now? Leave that, come and play cards with me and the guys.” And even when I really don’t want to and finally manage to get rid of her, somehow once she’s been in the room turning all the lights on and rearranging the furniture I’ve lost my thread and might as well go and play.
She’s mercenary, if I have to have one more arguement with her about the invoices she keeps sending DavidbloodyNabbitt . . .
She spends *way* too much time talking about shoes, how the hell am I supposed to know about slingbacks?
She’s sulky, she didn’t talk to me for two days after I casually asked her what was wrong with her hair, how was I meant to know Dennis had hidden her hairdryer? And as for forgetting her birthday again . . I had bigger things to worry about, I was fighting two Chaos demons for a chalice of truth, and did she even ask if I was OK? It wasn’t exactly the way I wanted to spend the day either.
She doesn’t appreciate my quiet cool calmness, trying to stay serene in the face of great provocation. Namely her. In fact she goes out of her way to try and annoy me. I’m sure she does it deliberatly. Gets me wound up to bursting point then leaves before I can yell at her. I swear that girl needs to be put over my knee and well spanked. And no I don’t mean that in a sexual way.
Well not very much . . .
She can’t leave well alone, she’s always on at me to talk more, and meet people, “networking Angel, thats how to get paying customers!” She knows I hate small talk.
She’s messy and disgusting. She somehow got jam on my duster. My favourite, my only coat. Apart from the fact she shouldn’t even be going near my coat, I’ve looked high and low and we don’t even own a jar of jam. So how did it get there Cordelia?
She never does what I ask, and she’s incessantly asking questions like, “why are slime demons so slimy? Where does it come from?” or, “if vampires want children do they just sire some then kill them when they get bored?” Questions that keep me up all night when I should be thinking about my higher purpose.
What colour *is* a Fyarl demons dandruff anyway?
She can’t do office duties, I found a case file filed under a star. She’s not even using the alphabet anymore. If it’s good enough for the rest of the working world Cordelia how come it’s not good enough for you?
She can’t type. Yesterday she handed me a report on a Pizza demon who needed the hearts of six birgins. I’d been researching, looking under ‘b’ for two hours to find out what the hell a birgin was, before she told me she meant ‘virgins’ and it was a Pizaro demon. She’d been about to have lunch.
She’s totally selfish. She made me distract Wes for three hours while she went shopping for his birthday present. One more discussion about ancient Hebrew texts and I was convinced I was dying of boredom and the sooner the better. She comes back with no present for Wes and three new pairs of shoes for herself. Then tells me it’s OK his birthday isn’t for another four months anyway. And *then* she drank all my coffee.
And she’s always so *annoying* with her shiny hair and perfect smile and ‘touch me’ skin and her ‘ohh I smell so good’ attitude. . .
“Angel?” I can hear her come in behind me. Yes, why bother to knock Cordelia? It’s only manners, nothing important.
“I’m sorry about spilling nail varnish on your dagger thing.”
Deep sigh. “Thats alright Cordelia.”
“I brought you something.”
A peace offering? It’d better be something good. I don’t even know if I want it. I’m too annoyed. Oh hell with it. I turn around to face her and she holds out a bottle of nail varnish remover.
“It’ll help you clean it right up.”
“Me! You’re the one that . . .”
“Just put a dab on a cloth and . .”
“I thought I told you to do it!”
“You did, but then it’d rub off on my nails, and I’d have to reapply, and it’s a whole big thing, but you don’t have to worry about it.”
I can’t hold it in anymore and I’m about to really roar at her (and vampires mean that literally), when she places it in my hand and bats her eyelashes at me teasingly. I can feel my mouth twitch with amusment, and how the hell does she do that! One minute I’m ready to strangle her the next I can hardly contain the laughter.
“Well thank you Cordelia,” I say holding it in with the skill that comes from a lot of practice. “Thats very thoughtful of you.”
She gives my hand a squeeze and trips out of the office. I look after her and finally give in and let the smile out, shaking my head.
Of all the cheek . . .
Insensitive, annoying, careless . . .
That girl definatly needs to be put over my knee.
Still . . .
It’s those cute little flaws that keep a guy interested.