Title: Parental Guidance Advised
Rating: PG-13 for some swearing.
Category: Humor, romance
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Notes: I know I’ve been in lurker mode. Real life getting in the way and all hehehe. Anyway. Tell me what you guys think
Feedback:Would be lovely.
I stared. “You’re going to pick up WHAT!?”
She sighed and rolled her eyes in exasperation.
“What, like your vampire hearing suddenly get lost with your sense of humor Angel? I said I was going to pick up my mother. She happened to finally track me down and after two years of letting her daughter pick up the pieces of her life, she’s coming back to ruin it for me.” She smiled brightly.
“So I’m just going to pick her up from the airport and let her do exactly that. I mean the woman DID give birth to me. She deserves to screw up my happily semi-settled existance, don’t you think?”
I blinked and cleared my throat. I hate it when she does incoherent so well. “Cordelia…”
“Do NOT pick that lecturing tone with me Broody. I spent all morning talking to myself about NOT jumping off the roof of this lovely establishment. I fight demons for a living. I ought to be able to handle my mother for a few hours.”
She frowned, her arms crossing and her forehead wrinkling in the cutest way.
He shook his head free of the thought and tried again. “How did she find you?”
She threw up her hands. “Does it matter Angel? She’s coming and I can’t stop her. End of story. Now are you giving me the car or am I walking to my doom?”
Why did I bother arguing with this girl?
~She’s damned sexy when she’s like this.~
Shut up Angelus.
Fishing the keys out of my pocket I held them out to her. “Um…”
She raised an eyebrow as she pulled her jacket on. “Say it.”
“Want me to come along?”
Her face softened for a while, then she smiled. “No. It’s okay. I think I should face the music myself before I unleash her on you. I just wish the PTB had sent me an early vision for her arrival too.”
I smiled slightly. “I’ll tell them to add her to your list of vision inducing demons next time I see them.”
She was almost to the door before she turned and blinked at me. “Angel? Are you sick?”
I picked up and file and met her eyes with a raised eyebrow. “Why?”
She broke into one of her beautiful wide mouthed smiled. “You just made a funny.”
“Then I must be.” I grinned and she chuckled before ducking out and leaving me shaking my head.
~Oh you have it bad.~
Shut up Angelus.
“Mother will you listen?”
“I cannot believe you are still doing this. Why, when I heard what you were doing, I just HAD to come down and help you darling. Tell me is he still forcing you to live with him?”
I grit my teeth and mentally counted to ten. We were driving back to Angel Investigations and somehow the woman had the preconceived notion that Angel had me enslaved at the hyperion complete with ball and chain.
The thought of an two older men giving me shelter in a rickety old hotel was suddenly perverse to her and she had come to rescue me. Of course that didn’t mean she was going to take me back with her to wherever the hell she had been the past few year. She already assumed I was sleeping with my boss to keep this job.
Why did I get talked into this? “Mother, he and I are NOT involved and he is not forcing me to do anything.”
“He pays you to say that.”
“MOTHER! HE DOES NOT PAY ME TO SAY ANYTHING!”
My hands gripped the wheel, turning my knuckles white and I had half a mind to wrap the car around the nearest lamp post and get it over with, but this was Angel’s car.
Angel loved his car and I was his seer. Angel loved his se…er…the visions he needed. Or whatever.
“Cordelia? Cordelia! Listen to me when I’m talking to you.”
I blinked at her briefly shaken out of my traitorous train of thought. “What?”
“I do not approve of you living with this older Irish man and this English bumpkin.”
I bristled. “Wesley is NOT a bumpkin and Angel is not THAT old.” Give or take a few decades.
“Well we’ll see about that. I want to meet his ‘Angel'” She scoffed at the name. “Are you sure he isn’t gay?”
I whimpered softly. “Oh god I’d kill for a vision right now.”
“What did you say?”
“Don’t yell at me Cordelia I can hear quite well in the normal decibels of volume.”
I was sitting leaned back in my chair a baseball in my hand as I tossed it up into the air and caught it. Connor was still sleeping soundly when the office door opened and closed with a bang.
Looking up I caught my seer fall back against it and draw a ragged breath. “Bite me.”
I stared. She never ceases to catch me off guard. I squeaked. “Excuse me?”
She whimpered softly her hazel eyes flickering with a silent plea.
“Bite me Angel. Kill me. Drain me. Put me out of my misery.”
~YES. YES. YES.~
With a clearing of my throat I stood up putting Connor’s ball on the desk and walking to her slowly. “Very tempting Cordelia but I would lose a very good babysitter.”
“Oh ha ha Angel. Two years and you finally rediscover your sense of humor while I’m being serious.”
I tried to hold the smile back. “That bad?”
“You have no idea.” Her head fell back against the door with a soft thud and she closed her eyes.
“She is sitting outside this office right now, ready to meet my Slave Master boss who has been keeping me employed against my will and forcing me to have sex with you?”
She took a deep breath and opened her eyes. “Bite me?”
~I know. I know….Wuss.~
I chuckled softly and gently put my hands on her upper arms and drew her away from the door and into my arms. “Don’t let her get to you Delia.”
With sigh she melted against me and I could almost smell the raspberry from her shampoo as I held her.
“God Angel, promise me you won’t let me get that delusionally irritating when I grow old and gray.”
I smiled into her hair. “I won’t let you.”
She pulled back to look up into my eyes. “What? Get old and gray or delusionally irritating?”
~Old and gray.~
Oh for….for the last time! I am NOT turning my seer!
~Oooh, YOUR raspberry smelling seer?~
“Er….what’s the growl for?”
Oh oh. “Nothing, just don’t like the idea of you being old and gray or delusional.” I shrugged. “I guess I’ll have to find a way to prevent both.”
She grinned up at me. “Nice save Broodsalot.”
“Well I think its just rude to keep me waiting out here while you’re corrupting my daughter!”
Cordelia groaned her head falling against my chest and I looked up meet a scowl of one very perturbed, elegant lady standing in the doorway of my office, in her dainty white business suit and immaculate make up adorned to perfection.
“No Cordelia. I think we need to get this settled.” Mrs. Chase held up a firm hand to silence her daughter and I couldn’t help raise an amused eyebrow at the authority in the woman’s’ voice.
She was staking her claim pretty well for someone who wasn’t even there for her daughter when it was really important. I couldn’t help noticing the first glance she had given me, the disapproval unmistakable in her glare.
Cordelia pulled out of my arms with a sigh and I could almost feel the anger build up inside me for this woman who was suddenly troubling my seer so much.
~Territorial aren’t we?~
Damn straight. Now shut up and help me here.
Without waiting for an invitation Mrs. Chase sat down primly into one of the chairs and crossed her legs, her hands folded her lap and he left foot tapping on the floor. She didn’t like me.
Well I had my way of dealing with non deserving overprotective mothers. “Now. How long has this been going on?”
I crossed my arms already irritated and fixed her with a cool glance. “The shagging or the partnership.”
We don’t shag Angelus.
~Let the bitch believe it.~
Oh. Okay fine.
Beside me Cordelia squawked in alarm her eyes snapping up to meet mine, her cheeks going flame red.
Mrs. Chase leveled the full weight of her disapproval at me and glared.
“I had a feeling you wouldn’t take this seriously. Cordelia’s my daughter and I have a feeling you took advantage of her emotionally trying times and forced her into cohabitating with you to fullfil your own needs. My daughter is inexperienced and imature in sexual relationships and I intend to find out why exactly did she get into this with you in the first place.”
Cordelia looked at her mother incredulously. “Inexperienced!?!”
I raised an eyebrow my eyes never leaving the older woman. “I think it was my hair. The women love it.”
Cordelia muffled a snickered. “Um…your eyes actually.”
I grinned at her. “Yeah?”
She hid a grin. “Yeah.”
WILL you shut up!
Mrs. Chase cleared her throat to get our attention lest we forget she was around.
Heaven forbid. “How old are you Angelo?”
“It’s Angel mother.”
“Whatever. How old?”
I rolled my eyes. It was tempting. “Twenty seven.”
“I’d like to talk to Angelo alone Cordelia.”
My seer started visibly. “What!? NO!”
“Cordelia! Do as I say!” The woman snapped.
I put a hand on her arm and turned her to meet my eyes.
“It’s okay. Give me five minutes.” I leaned down and let my lips brush her jaw gently.
“Go see if Connor is still asleep and if I don’t come out in five feel free to come down weilding a sword.”
She pulled away to smile up into my face. “I can’t wield a sword Angel.”
I grinned. “We’ll fix that after Atilla the Hun leaves, till then, bring the frying pan.”
She burst out laughing. “Oh you ought to be sick more often Broody.”
“AHEM!?!?!” The tapping of the floor behind us was starting to seriously bother me now.
~KILL THE BITCH!~
I grinned and pushed her to the door gently. “Go.”
The door closed and I turned back to the woman. “Make it quick.”
“You are obviously too old for her Angelo. My daughter is too young to handle a sexually mature relationship, one that you have obviously forced her into. This working woman and boss charade is not only cliched, but old. I know your kind. So if you care even a smidgen for Cordelia you would leave her alone.”
I held the growl in check crossing my arms across my chest. I couldn’t believe the gall of the woman.
Claiming to know the daughter she abandoned to the street, penniless and helpless. A victim to any sad reprobate who could have found her in a city full of demons and monsters thirsting for mortal flesh.
I almost let Angelus reach out and grab her by her throat as she leaned back comfortably in my chair looking entirely too sure of herself. “Cordelia is old enough to make her own choices.”
“Looking at you only proves my point!” She snorted. “Cordelia’s a child. She’s can’t possibly handle this circumstance that you have so obviously pressured her into.”
~KILL THE BITCH!~
“You don’t damned well know what Cordelia is capable of handling anymore, considering you haven’t been around. You don’t know you daughter anymore.”
Her eyes suddenly turned to ice. “Are you suggesting I’m a bad mother?”
“Me suggest? No. Hell, I KNOW you’re a bad mother.” I glared hard at her already at the brink of my control.
She gave me a superior glance. “I love my daughter and you obviously are smarter than you look Angelo. I will not fall for this ploy of yours. You cannot change the matter by trying to mislead this conversation to my relationship with my daughter. I will not have my daugher in your presence anymore. She will no longer work with you.”
~KILL THE BITCH!~
“I don’t give a fuck what you will have or have not you irate bitch.”
Oh oops. Did I say that?
Her mouth dropped open in surprise. “I will not tolerate such vulgar language Mr. Angelo.”
“I don’t give a damn you daft cow!” I could almost feel the ripple of flesh over my bones as the ridges formed in my forehead.
Her eyes widened the fear sifting into her suddenly and she pressed back frightfully in her chair. “Oh my god….”
With a soft growl I took the two steps separating us and grabbed the arms of my chair firmly trapping her in her perch and leaned into her face letting her see the flash of fangs for good measure.
“Listen carefully Mrs. Chase, because I will only say it once. You have no idea who Cordelia Chase is anymore. You cannot possibly love her enough since you left her to fend for herself alone. If you so much as upset a hair on my seer’s head I will personally rip every vital organ in your body out with my bare hands and detach every single muscle in your body from every bone in your skeletal system.
I’d even enjoy doing it knowing I’m ridding Cordelia from the crap you’ve been giving her all her life. She is more important to me than life itself so you can forget about you not liking having your supposed daughter in my presence. You will like it. Even if it fucking kills you. Clear?”
The woman let out a strangled whimper before her form slumped noiselessly in my chair and she fainted.
I licked my fangs, my game face receding. “Well I think that went well.”
~Impressive. Even without my help. I still say kill the bitch.~
This is much more fun.
I couldn’t help smirk.
~And they call me evil.~
Shut up Angelus.
~Nag. Nag. Nag.~