Part 3 – “Six Tequila, Seven Tequila…”
“No time to explain, here.” Angel held the baby away from him, Lorne stood behind him with a bag of diapers, Gunn with a bag of food and Wesley armed with all the baby books in the world…or the Hyperion at least.
Xander Harris stood, looking at Angel, “Woah, what? Angel, shirking your responsibilities is…”
“Who’s shirking? I’m not shirking I’m…asking a friend to baby sit for me?” Said Angel hopefully.
“When did we get to the friendship phase, Dead boy?” He asked, taking the child from Angel and smiling, “Hey Connor…who’s a lovely widdle baby b…what?”
Xander stopped at the strange looks he was getting from Angel, “Don’t tell me you don’t go all gooey around your kid.” He said defiantly.
“He sang Disney earlier, the great big sap…” Said Lorne, grinning.
Xander grinned, “And here I thought you only knew Barney…” He waited for the others to catch on and shook his head, “Oz would’ve got that…” Xander looked at Connor, then up at Angel,
“Okay dead boy…you got it, I’ll look after him. Just…don’t stay out late. He’s your child, you made your bed, you can lie in it…”
“WHAT is he talkin’ about?” Asked Gunn, puzzled.
“Parent euphemisms…” Explained Wesley with a smile.
“And in English that would be…” Said Gunn, even MORE puzzled.
“That was bloody English…” Said Wesley through gritted teeth, “He’s…pretending to be a parent…responsible…”
“Works better than it does in real life.” Said Angel, pointedly, handing Xander the other stuff, “My card’s in there. It has my cell…if you can’t get through on that Wesley’s is in there and Gunn’s pager. Failing that we should be at the Bro…”
“Angel! I’m not dumb…I’ve looked after a kid before!” Said Xander.
“Somehow, I doubt that first part very much…” Replied Angel and turned, walking off down the corridor, casting a last worried glance at his son.
Xander glanced down at the child in his arms, “Stick with me kid…” He grinned, impersonating his best Marlon Brando voice. However, Connor didn’t seem to like it…and saw fit to place a small fist into Xander’s eye with a *thwump*…
“You can *so* tell you’re your father’s kid…” Said Xander, tears filling up his eyes. Of course…this wasn’t from Connor…he’d just got a bit of…dust or…something in them…
“Fred! You have to sit!” Said Cordelia, laughing. The others were laughing too, a very Tequila Slammer-ed Fred, had just confessed her undying love…for Jonathon’s cologne.
“Don’t wanna!” Said Fred, “Want more tequila!” She lunged for the table, intent on grabbing the bottle, when Spike grabbed her round the waist,
“Not for you, luv…think you’ve had quite enough…”
“Mmm…vampire smell nice…” Said Fred, attaching her nose to Spike’s upper torso, “Angel smell nice…but Angel Cordelia’s! You the Slayer’s! Me want a vampire!”
Cordelia blushed, Buffy blushed, Spike grinned, then Cordelia yelled, “HUH?! Angel isn’t *mine*…”
“Denial’s the first sign of love, Dorcelia…” Said Fred, wagging a finger and giggling at her mistake.
“Great…” Said Cordelia, “I’m getting love advice from O Drunken One of Another Dimension…next I’ll be getting fashion advice from the pale, undead and creepy one…” Said the brunette, gesturing to Spike.
“HEYYY!” Said Spike indignantly, “There’s nothing wrong with my attire!”
Cordelia laughed, good naturedly, “Oh please…did you have to kill an entire flock of cows to look *that* stupid?”
“Herd.” Replied Spike, slightly miffed.
“HERD!” He repeated.
“Heard what?” Cordelia raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow.
“H-E-R-D!” Yelled Spike, “HERD OF COWS…God, are you always this stupid? It’s FLOCK of SHEEP and HERD of COWS!”
“Boy, you really like your animals, dontcha?” Asked Fred, giggling. The others burst into laughter and Spike shook his head,
“Dunno why I bleedin’ bother…” He said, rolling his eyes.
A presence at his side made Spike look up.
Noticing Angel standing at the corner with the other poufy watcher, a black kid and a green demon, Spike thought he’d put a couple of theories to the test. Knowing his sire would know that he’d had sex in the past couple of days, (vampire senses left a lot to be desired) he grabbed Cordelia and pulled her close, delighting at the EXTREMELY pissed off look on Buffy’s face.
“Dance with me Dorcelia…” He grinned. Of course, Fred’s scent was mingled with Buffy’s but Cordelia, being the last one against his body would make the ‘Green Eyed Monster’ that was Angel believe he’d had sex with her.
“Ew!” Cordelia pushed him away, “I think NOT…”
Angel was over in a second, having spotted his Seer moments after she’d pushed Spike away. “Cordelia I…” Suddenly, he stopped. Yellow (but not quite yet green) eyes turned on Spike.
“You had sex with her, didn’t you?” He asked, a growl erupting in his throat.
Spike smirked, Angel was playing *right* into his hands, “Yeah? What of it mate…”
A punch to the jaw sent Spike sprawling. The music stopped and Angel whipped round on Cordelia, “You had sex with *him*?” He asked.
Cordelia’s eyes widened, “HUH?” She stared at him incredulously, “Are you INSANE?”
Spike stumbled to his feet…only to be knocked down again by a knee to the groin from Buffy. “YOU’RE TWO TIMING ME? WITH *HER*?”
“Wasn’t…aware…I was bloody…one timing you luv…” Choked out Spike. His plan had *so* backfired.
Cordelia however didn’t like the …with HER…thing attached to Buffy’s sentence. “And what’s THAT supposed to mean?” She asked.
“Uh…can we establish the how and why for BUFFY IS JEALOUS PART?” Asked Willow, “You’re having SEX…with SPIKE?”
Buffy blushed, then frowned, looking at Angel, “What’s that supposed to mean…with *HIM*?” She asked, “What’s wrong with *him*?”
“What’s right with him?” Retorted Angel. “I thought *you* would know better!” He said, glaring at Cordelia.
“Oh, wait a minute…” Said Buffy, “I get it…I’m only allowed to sleep with ONE of your kind, is that right?”
“No!” Said Angel, “I just have trouble with dealing with the fact that *she* slept with Spike.” He jabbed a finger in Cordelia’s direction.
“Oh, so it’s okay that I’m sleeping with Spike, but not her?” Asked Buffy angrily then gasped. “Uh…what I meant was…”
“I AM NOT HAVING SEX WITH SPIKE!” Yelled Cordelia. “I wouldn’t touch him with HERS!” She said, pointing to Buffy.
At that, the group in the middle of the argument noticed the laughter. Wesley was clinging to Fred, tears streaming down both their cheeks laughing.
And Lorne was leaning against a post, where Gunn had took up position next to Anya – all creased with laughter.
“What’s SO funny?” Asked Cordelia, frowning.
Lorne managed to control himself long enough to say, “You just got visited by the Green Eyed Demon, sweetcheeks…”
Both Cordelia and Buffy glared at their counterparts, “We *so* need to talk…”
And at that, Fred took it upon herself to feel particularly queasy…and then a little sick…and then a *lot* sick and then…Wesley was stroking the back of her hair softly as she vomitted relentlessly on his shoes.
“Ah, young love…” Smiled Lorne.