Chapter 29
Buffy had made Dawn’s breakfast in rote habit not hearing her younger sister or Willow’s comments, her eyes fastening on the calendar that hung on the refrigerator and the big red X centered on the day’s date.
She couldn’t get over the feeling that it was important. Oh well. It must not have been, if she couldn’t remember. Buffy’s thoughts went back up to the vampire upstairs. She nodded absentmindedly as Dawn said good-bye.
Buffy had thought patience would be enough. But, Buffy didn’t know anymore if that was the right course of action. Maybe, it was time for her confront the vampire about his real feelings for Cordelia. Buffy hadn’t wanted to, wanting nature to take it’s course.
But, this couldn’t go on- Angel hiding in Connor’s room, avoiding her friends. Hell, practically avoiding her. Angel wouldn’t even stay in bed with her through the night.
Sure. Angel went on patrols with her. But, where those times together had once been special – ‘their’ time in high school, they seemed like nothing more like a chore to Angel now. Angel would fight whatever foe they found with viciousness that almost scared Buffy.
Then he would want to make love, but sometimes Buffy wasn’t even sure if Angel knew who she was. He never said her name. Then Angel would leave.
This was not the fairytale Buffy imagined in her dreams or in her wish.
Buffy got up. She would ask Angel about Cordelia, she would listen to him say that he loved her, she wouldn’t get mad, she would be understanding. Because once it was out in the open, Angel would have no reason to still feel guilty. Buffy would convince him of that.
Buffy paused at the bottom of the stairs. The deja vu feelings were worse today than ever. The day just didn’t feel right. Buffy braced her shoulders up; she was just reluctant to hear about Angel’s love for Cordelia.
But, Buffy was positive that once they dealt with it, things would be better.
***
“What are you doing?” Buffy asked, staring as Angel packed up Connor’s things.
Angel stilled, not turning. He took a deep breath and continued packing.
“Angel.”
Angel didn’t want to do this, but he had to. He put down the bag and faced Buffy.
“Connor and I are leaving, going back to LA.”
“What? Why? You can’t” Buffy’s chest constricted as her panic rose. “You can’t. There’s no reason to. Cordy’s dead.”
Angel closed his eyes. “Yes, I know Cordy’s dead and that’s my reason.”
“What that doesn’t make any sense. Angel, she’s dead, not in LA, not here, she’s not coming back. There’s no reason for you to go. You love me. She’s dead.”
Angel paused angered and confused by Buffy’s panicked assertions that Cordelia was dead. He knew that dead or not Cordelia was the reason he was leaving but how did Buffy?
“I know she’s dead.” A low growl escaped his throat. Angel took a deep breath. “I know, but I have to go to LA. That’s where my home is that…”
Buffy grabbed his arm. “You’re home’s here with me. I can be Connor’s mother. Cordy’s dead. How can she be his mother? She can’t.”
Angel jerked his arm away. “What…” Angel was pretty sure that Connor only spoke of his Mama in front of him. But Buffy must’ve heard it and understood. Angel started to feel guilty.
Had Buffy found his sketches? No matter. He wouldn’t deny the truth any longer. “Cordy is Connor’s mother. He will always remember that,” he said softly but firmly.
Buffy’s panic was turning into anger and frustration. “Fine, let him remember a dead woman. But, why do you have to leave.
“I have to.” Angel frowned at her tone, trying to remain focused on what he needed to tell Buffy. But, how do you tell someone that you love that you don’t love them enough, that you were using them to hide from your life to hide from dreams that won’t go away.
“No you don’t, you can’t”
Angel took another deep breath. “Buffy, I don’t belong here with you. My home is in LA…I just forgot.”
Buffy blinked. “Angel, of course, you belong with me. We love each other. This is your home. You can’t be with Cordy. She’s…”
“Damn’t, STOP saying that I know it. God, I know it.” Angel growled.
“Okay.” Buffy stepped back. “But….Angel, this is your home.”
“No,” shaking his head. “My home is in LA, where my mission is, where my family is.”
“I’m your family.”
“Buffy, I do love you. But I don’t belong here.”
“I…you love me, you belong with me…..this can’t be happening. This can’t be happening.” Buffy repeated, rubbing her head. “You can’t leave me. Why? Cordy’s not here. ”
Angel shook his head. “I don’t belong with you.”
“Yes, you do. It’s been our dream for so long. And we made it. Angel, I know you loved Cordelia, okay. I can understand and accept that. But, she’s dead, not coming back. You’ve moved on. You have to stay with me.”
Angel stared at the slayer. Angel expected that Buffy would be upset, mad even, but he hadn’t expected this desperation or her realization that he loved Cordelia. But he was glad that it was out in the open. He should’ve never hid the truth in the first place. But it had been too painful to even think about. “I do love Cordy.”
“Did, Angel, DID. She’s…..”
“STOP SAYING THAT.” Angel yelled.
“Angel, you have to accept it, deal with it. I can help you.”
“NO, Buffy, you can’t. Nothing can, except maybe going back to LA where I belong and honoring Cordy.”
“Honor? How’s going back to LA honoring her. Angel, I’m sure she wanted you to be happy. We can be happy.”
“No, Buffy, I can’t be happy, I can’t move on. But, I will go back to my family and continue the life I started to have there, helping the helpless, working towards my redemption, something that I can’t do here. I’ll do it to honor Cordelia…she told me by her words, actions and sacrifices how important that was to her. I failed her when I couldn’t save her, I won’t betray her anymore by turning my back on the mission and family that she suffered and died for. I won’t. She gave up part of her humanity for me, for the visions. I love her. I have to go.”
Buffy stumbled back, Angel was leaving her. She could see his determination. There was nothing she could do.
Angel had said visions. Oh God. She hadn’t thought about it once, except when she marked today’s date with a big fat X three months ago. She left out the ‘end of the world’ part. It would’ve raised questions that she wasn’t prepared to answer. But, Buffy knew she would remember, who forgot something like that.
“Angel, we have to go, NOW.” All the moments of the deja vu, the image of the big red X on the calendar banged together forming one horrify picture. Today was the day Cordelia would’ve returned to warn them, to have the vision of the start of the Apocalypse. They had to get to the cave.
“BUFFY, BUFFY”, Willow, Xander and Dawn ran up the stairs.
Chapter 30
Buffy turned towards her friends, tendrils of fear spread through out her nerve endings.
All three started talking at once. “Park gone.” “No, entirely just disappearing.” “Demons, no face.” “Swirling black holes.”
“NO.” Buffy ran; pushing past them, fear flooding her. She couldn’t be too late. Buffy tore out of the house. She had to get the disc.
“What the hell is going on?” Angel ordered.
“We have to go help Buffy.” Xander yelled heading back the way he came.
“Help her do what?” Angel grabbed at Xander.
“I don’t know, kill the demons, stop the swirling black hole from swallowing the whole town, that.”
Willow and Dawn nodded frantically.
Angel growled. “Get the car,” grabbing a blanket.
“Don’t bother, dead boy.” Xander ran to the window ripping down the heavy cho cho train curtains. “No sun.”
The afternoon sun had disappeared or rather was hidden by a dark mist coating the air and reaching to the horizon.
“Dawn, stay with Connor.” Angel switched the blanket for his coat and sword.
***
Buffy just ran, praying that it wasn’t too late. It couldn’t be. She ran faster, her heart in her throat. The fear causing it to beat harshly almost choking her, it made her run even faster.
Buffy stumbled falling to the ground at the sight before her. There was no disc, because there was no cave and there was no cave because there was no park. The street surrounding it was gone. The demons were spreading out in a circular motion, heralding the growing void, sparks shot out of the nothingness and with each spark came a vortex swirling and expanding to make the blackness larger.
Buffy watched in terrified fascination as the encroaching demons and blackness ate away at the town. Swallowing up people and things.
Buffy did this. Her inability to see beyond her own pain brought this on. Her fear at losing Angel, blinded her to the importance of Cordelia’s presence.
“Buffy,” Angel cried, swing his sword at an approaching demon. “Buffy.”
Buffy blinked looking up. “It won’t do any good. Kill one another comes. We can’t stop them or it.”
“We can fight.”
“We don’t have the disc. We lost before we even began.” Buffy got up, standing motionless, as more demons appeared moving closer. Her heart had stopped its frantic beating. She felt nothing just like the void in front of her.
Angel grabbed the shocked young woman carrying away from the demons. “Buffy, what disc?” yelling as he ran.
“Put me down.” Buffy started to struggle.
“Not if you’re just going to stand there.”
“Put me down.” Buffy yelled kicking out with her strength.
Buffy picked herself up, glaring at the vampire that saved her.
“Buffy, they’re coming too fast, we have to go.”
“Go, where, it’s eating the town. We can’t stop it.”
“Buffy….you said something about a disc. What disc?”
“Guys,” Xander ran up out breath, his car in the background. “Staying here doesn’t seem to be a good idea,” pointing behind Angel and Buffy.
The demons were claiming the distance that Angel had put between them.
“Time for the classic fast retreat. Willow and Dawn went to the Magic Shoppe. Connor’s with them.” Xander added at Angel’s growl.
“Won’t do any good, Drakkus isn’t in the books.” Buffy shook her head vigorously, the feelings cascading back into her being, as her tears poured.
“Drakkus?”
“The demons, the dimension. It’s too late.”
“Buffy,” Angel shook the woman by her shoulders. “If you know what it is, we can find out how to stop it.”
The slayer shook her head again. “I know how to stop it. Do the ritual on the disc but we don’t have the disc.” Her voice numb at the shock of what she had let happen.
“What disc?”
“The disc..the disc that told how to close the damn portal, the one I didn’t get, the one that Cordelia told Wesley was important. The one that he was translating with the help…Oh god.” Buffy slumped. “Cordelia didn’t save Crystal…she was killed that’s why the portal is growing so quickly. Oh god, what have I done?”
“Cordy…Wesley…Buffy, you’re not making sense.” Angel said, holding her still.
Buffy stared. Her love for the vampire was destroying the world. Love or had it just been desperation and jealousy. Buffy closed her eyes, squeezing her tears to a stop.
“Buffy.”
“I know how to stop this.” She said suddenly taking off running.
Angel paused. Cordy? Cordy told Wesley about a disc? A disc that he was translating? About this? Who was Crystal? And Buffy knew? When? How? Angel started running; his answers wouldn’t be found there.
“Running is good, but car is better, well at least for those without supernatural powers.” Xander stared after Buffy and Angel, both running at an inhuman speed.
Chapter 31
Buffy barged into the magic Shoppe. “Willow.”
The redhead shot up from the pile of books. “I’ve…”
“We need Anya.”
“Anya?”
“Anya?” Xander repeated coming in behind Buffy and the vampire. Angel had already gone to Connor.
“We need to summon her.”
“Buffy, she’s out of town, who knows where. How can she help?”
“Not call,” Buffy shook her head. “Summons her, summons Anyanka. Giles has the book, right?”
“I…Anyanka?”
“Buffy, unless one of those demons screwed you over, a vengeance demon can’t help.” Xander said.
“No, this is the wish, this isn’t real. She has to stop it.”
“Anya wished this? I knew she hated me, but I always thought she liked the world.” Xander said. “Isn’t this just a little ‘over kill’ I thought she wanted to blow up my….Mr. Peter…not the world.”
“Mr. Peter.” Angel raised a brow.
“Hey.”
“Willow, look for it.” Buffy called ignoring Xander and Angel.
“Uh, Buffy, I’m with Xander, this doesn’t really sound like a wish Anya would do.”
“It wasn’t her wish. Find it.”
“Whose was it?”
“Willow, please.”
“Okay, okay.”
“Okay, I’ll ask whose was it?”
“Mine.” Buffy said staring straight at Angel, guilt and regret clear on her wet face.
“What?” The room cried out.
“Buffy, you’re with Angel, not that I wouldn’t mind deadboy out of the picture, but he’s in it. Why would you make a wish to a vengeance demon?”
“Angel left me.” Buffy tore her eyes from the vampire.
“He’s right there.” Xander pointed.
“He was going to leave me, go back to LA.”
“Buffy, you wished the end of the world because I told you I was leaving this morning.” Angel was incredulous.
“You broke up with Buffy,” Xander, Dawn and Willow said stunned.
“No.” Buffy said softly, not wanting to admit what she had done.
“He didn’t? I’m confused.” Xander said.
“I didn’t wish the world to end and I didn’t wish it this morning,” tears were falling freely down Buffy’s face, blurring her vision. She was grateful; she didn’t want to see Angel’s eyes on her. As it was his gaze was burning holes in her heart.
“Buffy,” Angel took a step closer to the crying young woman.
Buffy stepped back, her head shaking. “Angel…I’m sorry…I just…you were leaving me for her and she was still going to die. The Powers only sent her back for…to warn us about this and to get you to go back to LA to fight…for your soul’s redemption.” Buffy gave a small choked chuckle. “You figured that on your own, didn’t you, for her.”
“Who, Buffy, who,” Angel stepped closer, his soft voice losing any signs of gentleness, strains of coldness seeping in as a glimmering of Buffy’s meaning reached him.
The tears in her throat coated Buffy’s bitter laugh, her head lowered in shame at the jealousy that was still present, even now. “Who do you think? Connor’s Mama.”
Angel stilled, his body tensing.
“Darla?” Xander squeaked. “How many lives does the nasty evil bitch get? And why? You left Buffy for Darla? Okay, I’m down with the vengeance thing, but Buffy, the world?”
“Not, Darla.” Dawn said in sad realization. “Cordelia.” Dawn had seen the sketchbook, realizing right away what her sister had been blind to. Dawn hadn’t said anything because Angel was with Buffy and Cordelia had been dead. Dawn had wanted her sister to be happy. Though, seeing how things were turning out maybe she should have said something sooner.
Buffy brushed harshly at the moisture trailing down her face, ignoring the others. “Angel..I…I’m sorry. I just couldn’t see it anymore…She came…you forgot all about ‘US’…you wouldn’t listen…the three of you…in my house, MY house…together sleeping like a family. She had my family and she wasn’t even going to stay alive…but you wouldn’t…I just….” Buffy closed her eyes in attempt to shut out the imagines and Angel’s expression.
The astonished joy at the thought of Connor AND Cordelia in his arms disappeared as quickly as it had come as Angel realized all of what Buffy was saying. “You wished Cordy away- dead.” The coldness had taken over the vampire’s words leaving nothing for Buffy.
“Angel…”
Buffy’s plea grated on Angel’s control. Another person he had trusted had destroyed his dream.
“Whoa, vamp boy,” Xander grabbed at Angel’s arm, trying to break his grip on Buffy’s neck. “Willow, Dawn somebody, stake. Buffy, slayer power ignite.”
“Angel, no” “Stop.” Dawn and Willow ran up.
Buffy gasped, her slayer self-preservation instincts kicked in, her hands slammed into either side of Angel’s head. Angel was pushed back as Buffy fell to the ground.
Xander, Willow and Buffy quickly moved in between the slayer and vampire.
“Back off, deadboy,” Xander held up a stake that Willow immediately pushed down.
“Stop.” Willow turned to the slayer. “Buffy, are you saying that Cordelia came back from the dead, prevented all this and you still wished her away?” Willow was amazed. Sure, she went on a couple of magical power trips before, but Buffy?
Buffy had disapproved of Willow’s ego trips and how they had put others in danger. Geez. Buffy was really a more of the ‘do as I say, not as I do’ type of gal. The world was ending.
“I thought I could…”
“But, you didn’t, did you.” Angel said coldly. “Cordy is my seer, a link to the Powers…If they brought her back from the dead there was a reason.”
“I thought…”
“You didn’t think. You just reacted like a spoiled little girl.”
“Hey, dead boy, don’t sound so high and mighty- you cheated on the love of your life, behind her back.”
Angel’s cold gaze pierced the young man. “Never.”
“Buffy said she saw you.”
“I don’t know what Buffy saw, I could only dream. But, if Cordy was here, I was with her AND it wasn’t behind anyone’s back.” Angel knew with a certainty if Cordelia had returned from the dead, nothing would have prevented him from being at her side. “ Stop the wish, Buffy,” he growled.
“Buffy, you have to. The void.”
Buffy brushed at her tears. “I would…but I don’t know how. That’s why we need to summon Anya.”
“I’m here.” Buffy jumped as the pretty vengeance demon tapped her on the shoulder.
“Anya.” Xander squeaked.
“Still miserable, freaked, waiting for your penis to fall off.”
“Shit.” Xander winced.
“I take that as a yes.” Anya smiled.
“Stop the wish,” Angel growled. “Give me back Cordy.”
“It doesn’t work that way. I can’t turn off a wish just because the betrayed woman doesn’t like how it turned out. And I sure can’t do it when the unfaithful man wants me to.” Anya studied the growling vampire.
“Unfaithful in the heart counts, too,” waving her finger disapprovingly at Angel. “But, then you aren’t really a betrayed woman are you, Buffy? You knew it was coming, you just didn’t want to see it or accept it.”
“Shut up and stop the wish.”
“Okay.”
“Just like that? You said…”
Anya shrugged. “Seems an in the know important upper middle management type demon named Skip called in a favor with my boss. The Powers aren’t real pleased that their plans were interfered with. Geez, they want their warriors to at least have a shot at stopping the end of the world.”
“A shot? Cordelia’s presence doesn’t stop all this.”
“No guarantees but the odds are definitely better than what’s happening outside.” Anya turned to Buffy. “They also want me to let you retain your memory of this wish, hoping I guess that you’ll learn from it.”
Anya cocked her pretty head. “Can you do that, Buffy?” Anya shook her head. “Nevermind, for your own safety,” Anya looked pointedly at Angel. “Everyone else will forget. You’ll begin where you wished. Now, go guys, go save the world.”
“WAIT,” Xander shouted. “My…”
“Mr. Peter is fine for now,” Anya smiled and in a flash was gone.
