Chapter 4
The night streaked by in an inky blur as Cordelia sped to the edge of town in her car. She gripped the steering wheel till her fingers were white, and her determined gaze never wavered to the left or right as she drove.
The volume on the radio was cranked and she felt the bass reverb through her body as she drove; it felt almost primal. With a squeal of protesting rubber, her tires skidded to a stop in front of the dark mansion. Cordy sighed and turned the radio off, leaving the motor idling as she stared up at the expanse of house.
Should she stay or should she go? Seemed simple enough. Turn the key. Open the door. Climb out. March into that house and give that tasty dish an eyeful of what Xander Harris would never have in his wildest dreams.
Cordy felt her breath catch in her chest. Yeah. That sounded good, except she was dealing with someone a little different here. This wasn’t the captain of the football team. This wasn’t anything she knew. She only knew boys. And how they could lie and cheat and…..she shook her head.
Do not even go there. Stick to the important parts. Like the part where walking through that door would change everything. Because somehow, Cordelia Chase suspected that Angel, the 250 year old studmuffin, wouldn’t be happy with a few kisses, no matter how fabulous she was at offering them.
But dammit, she’d been the good girl for long enough. She’d given up the hottest cool factor in Sunnydale history to date a spineless biped with all the intelligence of a rock and the twit bailed on her for Willow Rosenberg. Apparently being good counted for nothing. And here’s Angel, all noble and good, except for that unfortunate thing about the evil, psychopathic body timeshare he had going with Angelus, but hey, no one was perfect.
She sighed and stared straight ahead, out of the windshield into the night. Face it. Prince William was never going to look her up. A hottie was right in front of her, crooking his finger at her. OK, vampire, but again, the adage about perfection percentages.
She squealed and felt her heart literally catch in her chest as a soft tap sounded on her car window. She turned and looked out the glass at Angel, standing beside her idling car. She rolled the window down and looked up at him, her eyes wide.
“Hey. Just because you’re happy with a nonbeating heart doesn’t mean it’s something I wanna try. Jeeze.”
Angel’s face remained impassive. “Coming in or still making up your mind?”
Cordelia didn’t say a word; she just stared up at him trying to make his face out in the deep still of night. Finally, she turned the key and pulled it out, the sudden silence unnerving. She reached for the car door handle but the door swung open and Angel reached in and gently took her arm to help her out.
She climbed out and stood, trapped in the open doorway by his large frame. For a fleeting moment she felt helpless, and the thought drifted away as Angel stepped to the side for Cordy to pass and walk into the house. They walked in together, and Angel shut the door behind them.
Cordy looked listlessly around, again struck by the Spartan comfort of the room. She shivered a bit as she stepped closer to the fireplace, holding out her hands to warm them.
A cool breath drifted over the skin at the back of her neck. “Cold?” Angel’s voice was calm.
“No. Maybe. The night seems…chilly.” Cordy sighed. “Or it’s just me. Crappy day. I think….I think my heart is cold.”
“Trust me. It’s not.” Angel’s voice was sure. “I think it would take a lot to cool that heart, Cordelia.”
Cordy shut her eyes and blinked at the unexpected tears. He just didn’t know how cold she felt, inside and out. His next words wrapped around her and dried those tears up quickly. “I know about Xander and Willow, Cordelia.”
“Oh, wow.” Cordy whipped around, looking up at him with anger in her eyes. “You don’t really hang with the grapevine crowd that is rolling around in my misery right now, so I guess you heard it from Buffy, the Vampire Layer.” She flinched, hearing the angry words slip past her lips. She sighed. “Sorry.”
Angel’s face didn’t change expression. “Don’t be. I know a little about this…..anger is way easier to deal with than hurt. You have a right to be….”
“Pissed off? Ticked? Chaffed? Totally enraged till I wanna rack his balls up so far he has to have a lobotomy to take a leak?” Angel looked startled.
“Well, a little more angry than I would have thought….”
“Think a little more, Angel. I’m….” she blinked. “I’m so angry right now. God. And here is exactly how shallow I am. I’m mostly mad because he freakin’ beat me to the punch.” She stalked away from the heat of the fireplace. “I was gonna break up with him at lunch. And he blew me off to mack on Willow Rosenberg in the library. I had a little speech and everything. I was trying to be nice. And I get paid back by a loser with the emotional maturity of Spongebob Squarepants to fucking beat me to the finish line. Nice just doesn’t seem to work for me. I’m giving up on nice.”
Angel followed her and leaned down to kiss her gently on her forehead. “I’m sorry you caught them….macking. I know that’s hard.” He frowned. “Happened to me, once or twice. Nothing more….unpleasant….than walking in on someone you trust having sex…”
Cordelia sniffed. “Right. Xander Harris having sex. I bet he hasn’t even figured out that the joystick fits in other places than his hand.” Angel pulled back and looked down at her, his face blank.
“Um. You said they were macking…”
“Yeah. Macking.” Cordelia made kissing noises. “Kissage. Spit swapping. Jeeze, get with it. They were kissing, Angel.”
Angel thought back a bit to previous conversations. “So…..you came here before to…”
“Make out. Kiss. Jeeze.” A faint blush covered Cordelia’s face. “Didn’t think I’d be playing connect the dots with you.”
Angel thought harder. “Sooooo……You and Xander never….I mean…his…um…joystick never….”
“…came near my playstation. Yeah, and thank you for making me have this conversation. I’m going home now.” She turned to go. Great. Could this day hold any more mortification for her than it did at this moment?
“Cordelia.” His voice was firm. “Have you ever….before….have you ever been intimate…” He stopped, frustrated. “Cordelia, have you ever had sex before?”
Yes, apparently there was actually a deeper well of misery and mortification to dip into. She turned to Angel, suddenly tired and swamped with anger, hostility, sadness, and weariness, all at once. “NO. NO. OK? NO. I’ve never had sex. I’ve never had intercourse. Tab A has never been inserted into slot B. Contrary to the rumors, I’ve never had sexual intercourse. I’m a virgin. VIRGIN. Get it? Can I go now, because I think the only thing that would make this entire day worse would be to find out that you’re really a woman or that you’re gay. And then I’d have to kill myself.”
She began stalking towards the front door.
“Let’s just forget this whole conversation ever happened. I wanna go home, eat five gallons of Chunky Monkey, and go to bed. OK? This thing…” she waved her arms around. “Never happened. Please, please forget it. Nice knowin’ ya, great to chat, see ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya….” She wrenched the front door open only to have it slam shut in her face before she could even take a step outside. Angel’s cool body stood behind hers, towering over her slender body. His head dipped and a low voice whispered into her ear.
“No. It’s not ok. Don’t think I could ever forget this conversation.” Soft amusement threaded through his voice. “Don’t want to forget it, ever. So, no, Cordelia, you can’t go just yet.”
Cordelia shivered. Chunky monkey seemed a long way off. Her senses all kicked into overdrive. Tasty Vampire seemed to be here in its place.