Part 4: Who’s Your Daddy
Cordelia promises me she’ll stick with me until I shansu and then she goes and leaves me to the wolves. She and I need to sit down sometime soon and discuss her understanding of the word loyalty.
Angel openly acknowledged he had never dreaded a conversation this much in his life. Better just get it over with.
“So, introductions, lets do that. You guys know Wesley and then there’s Gunn and Fred and Lorne, who, you may have guessed, is a demon, but, um, the good kind, you know, like me. You guys, this is Buffy, her sister Dawn, and her friends Willow and Xander.”
“Nice to see you all again,” Wesley said politely. “I’ve been looking forward to meeting Dawn for quite some time now. From what Giles told me, your role as the key sounds fascinating. I’d love to discuss-”
“Hate to interrupt you there, but I have to ask, what’s the deal with the baby? I mean, you think a girl who got around as much as Cordelia did in high school would have become like a birth control super genius,” Xander said in shock.
Gunn stepped forward and probably would have taken Xander out if Fred hadn’t laid a hand on his harm to stop him. Wesley heard Angel growl and hurried to smooth things over. He got out, “Well actually,” before he was interrupted again, this time by Dawn.
“Geez Xander, it’s 2002, unwed mothers are a staple of society. I wrote a paper about them for sociology last month. Did you know that the increase of unwed mothers is merely a logical consequence of premarital sex? And that the true effect of raising children without strong paternal influences is not yet determined?”
Dawn stopped when she noticed everyone in the room staring at her. “Okay, so by wrote the paper I mean I copied a bunch of stuff I found on the Internet.”
Fred couldn’t keep silent any longer. There were some serious misconceptions floating around the room and she would do her best to clear them up. “Well, Cordy’s not an unwed mother. I mean, she is unwed. Not that she won’t get married one day. I mean, who’s to say really. She’s still young. What I meant is that Cordy’s not a mother-not in the true sense of the word, although I suppose that it does take a village and she is the closest thing Connor’s got and now everyone’s staring at me so I’ll stop talking now.”
While everyone stared at Fred and tried to make sense of her bizarre monologue, Angel wondered why what she said made him.angry.
Every time we have to clear up what Cordy’s role is, it annoys me.
He didn’t like hearing Cordy say stuff like “Oh, he’s not mine. I wish!” And she’d been having to say it more and more lately. To people who thought she was Connor ‘s mother, people that thought she and Angel were together.
“Look,” Buffy said loudly. “Is Cordelia that baby’s mother or not, I just want a straight answer.”
“Actually, lambkin,” Lorne said, finally stepping into the spotlight, “that’ s not really the question you should be asking. I think what you really want to know is-”
“Where’s Daddy?” a freshly changed Cordy said as she came down the stairs with a freshly changed Connor in her arms. “Where’s daddy,” she cooed again. When she came to the bottom step Connor caught sight of his dada and raised his arm, gurgling incoherently. “There he is! Good boy. Your so smart!”
Cordy looked up proudly and realized that she was getting more than one odd look. “What’s everyone looking at? You all look like..Angel, didn’ t you explain-no of course you didn’t. Well clearly, if I want anything done right I have to do it myself.
***
Twenty minutes later, Buffy found herself slightly calmer. Cordelia had made good on her promise to clear everything up. She still had that up front, no holds barred way about her. That was still the same.
Her hair and clothes however, were not. The haircut was still trendy but it seemed like it was short merely to keep it out of her way. And while Cordelia’s jeans were those fun potassium blasted boot-cut kind that looked great with her black high heeled boots and her v-neck white tee-shirt set off her fabulous tan, it was still Cordelia Chase in JEANS AND A TEE-SHIRT.
Weirder though, was that it worked on her. She looked strong and comfortable.and capable. She had just simultaneously explained the past year and a half in the life of Angel Investigations, ordered pizza for the entire group, gotten everyone a drink, answered the phone three times, and shouted out wedding menu and location ideas to Xander-all while bouncing a baby on her hip.
It was all a little much to take in. So much for coming to LA to see how LITTLE things had changed.
There was Angel of course. He had quietly sat down like the rest of them while Cordelia took over. He looked as he always had. Those dark good looks and those wide shoulders still sent small shivers through her. His dark brown eyes still seemed to see so much. At the same time, he didn’t look THE SAME. There were small differences.
The half-smile on his face didn’t seem as tense or awkward as it once had. He sat differently, more at ease, and she noticed him make the occasional comment under his breath to the man who sat next to him.Gunn she thought his name was. And there was a warmth in his eyes as he watched the whirlwind that was Cordelia.
Why was that? Oh duh, cause she’s holding Connor. His son. God, Angel has a son.
As Cordy finished the story and people starting arguing about the best pizza toppings, Angel wondered to himself why he hadn’t told Buffy about Darla and Connor before. Why it was that his first urge upon seeing life he helped create hadn’t been to call Buffy and tell her about it? And why wasn’t this nicer, having her pop in like this?
Seeing her, that should be a good thing, right? She’s still beautiful, still an uncommon mix of strength and fragility.
But that feeling that used to come whenever he looked at her, that wasn’t there now. Years ago, in Sunnydale, Buffy had been the embodiment of everything he wasn’t supposed to have. He always had felt that overpowering sense of WANT when he saw her, like he was constantly reaching for something that dangled just inches away from his grasp. He would see her and always want to be closer; it never seemed as if he could get close enough.
It wasn’t like that now.
He looked at Cordy as she let Connor grab on to her index finger while she kidded to Willow about her sexier new look. It wasn’t like that with Cordy either. He never got that yearning to be closer. He HAD yearnings for Cordy, lots and lots of yearnings, but not like that. He never felt like Cordy was just out of his grasp.
I mean, certain things with Cordy are out of my grasp RIGHT NOW, but that could change and even if it doesn’t, she ‘s still there, reachable.
But Cordelia never left him wanting more. She would roll those eyes of hers at him and he felt like he couldn’t possibly be any closer to a human being. Over the years, Cordy’s walls, when it came to him at least, had come down. Her openness, her willingness to expose that vulnerability to him, was the greatest act of trust, of faith, he had ever witnessed.
Cordelia, despite the fact that she looked totally into a mock fight with Wes and Xander about prom, was very aware of the subtle tension that floated around the room. You don’t need to be a Seer to figure out the tension is coming from Broody and Blondie. Arhhh.
Already, Angel seemed quieter.the descent into a full-on Buffy Brood-fest had begun. Cordelia nodded at some comment Wes made about how she had thrown herself at him while she actively decided that Buffy and Angel weren’t going to be something she could ignore, something she could hope would just go away.
It would never go away. Angel would always love her. Anyone else-even amusing, loyal and incredibly stylish seers-anyone else would just be a substitute.
Okay, so I can accept that clearly I don’t play a part in the Angel and Buffy Story. I just need to put away these icky lovey feelings I’ve been having. Did I just say lovey? I mean lusty, it’s purely a physical thing. It’s not like I love Angel. I don’t. My epiphany, that was just about WANTING him.. He just makes me horny, it’s not like he makes me feel safe.or important.or.happy.
Cordelia figured everyone had had just about enough of those looks the star-crossed lovers kept shooting each other, and even though it killed some small part of her to do it, she was clearly going to have to give the two a hand.
Oh, yeah, just call me Cupid.
“So, the pizza won’t be here for a little while. Fred, why don’t you show Xander and Willow and Dawn to some rooms so they can get their stuff put away. Gunn and Wesley, I know how much you want to come help me clean up the kitchen. And Angel,” Cordy said, turning toward him and handing him the baby, “I bet Buffy would love to see the gardens.”
And she walked into the kitchen; not waiting for any particular response, confident as always that her wishes would be obeyed.
***
The night air was cool and comforting. At Cordy’s suggestion (if it could be called that) Buffy and Angel and Connor had come outside to the garden. Fred had spent a great deal of time out there and the hard work had paid off. Even in the moonlight, it was fragrant and beautiful. For a minute, neither of them made any effort to talk.
“I guess you have lots of questions,” Angel ventured. He didn’t turn to look at her, instead keeping his eyes on his son, who was sucking greedily on a pacifier.
Buffy didn’t look at him either. For the second time today she was finding her shoes very intriguing. “Not really. Cordelia, she pretty much covered everything. I guess, it’s just that-”
“You’re shocked. You have every right to be.”
“Well, yes, cause Darla not staying dead and you having this big hotel and a real company and enemies that I haven’t helped you fight and then you and Darla with the sex and you having this big epiphany and then some vampire hunter comes with his Van Helsing action and you’re doing the single dad thing and well, yeah, it is slightly shocking. Especially-”.
“Especially finding out all that stuff all at once,” Angel said, nodding his head.
“I was going to say, especially the part where Cordelia’s hair is short.and BLOND.”
Connor seemed to think Cordelia’s name was license to start babbling and some of the tension was relieved as he mumbled in his own little language and grabbed at Angel’s nose.
“He’s cute,” Buffy offered. Angel smiled at that. Buffy didn’t really know how she felt about the baby. She wasn’t overwhelmed with the need to hold him and she wasn’t telling herself that the baby should have been hers. It’ s not like she resented the baby, she was just disconcerted by it.
Cause it was disconcerting when your ex-boyfriend who couldn’t go out in the sun and liked to drink blood was brushing kisses on a baby dressed in a onesie with a giant yellow duck on it. “He kinda looks like you.” Angel smiled even more at that. “He doesn’t, however, seem to have inherited your sense of style. Where’s the black outfit with the matching black booties?”
Angel was glad Buffy seemed okay enough to joke about the baby. “Cordelia says no leather until he turns one-although between you and me, I’ve already had a jacket ordered from Baby Gap.” Buffy laughed and finally felt comfortable enough to reach out her hand and brush her fingertips over Connor’s forehead. “And as for the ducks, I’ll have you know that Cordy says he’s supposed to wear bright colors, because he’s a summer.”
Angel noted that Buffy’s smile seemed to shrink and she pulled her hand back from the baby. “I’m an autumn,” he said, trying to bring back the lighthearted mood. “At least that’s what Cordy says.”
“Cordy sure seems to say a lot of stuff.”
Buffy looked like she wanted to say more and the look made Angel think he probably didn’t want to hear it. He knew the two girls had never been the best of friends, but he really didn’t want to hear Buffy talk about Cordelia.
He tried to change the subject. “Not that you need a reason or anything, but I’ve been wondering why you’re here. Why now?”
Buffy seemed to tense up but her voice was even when she responded. “There WAS no particular reason. I wanted to see a familiar face. I wanted to see your face. I missed you, you know. I might even have missed Cordelia-who, by the way, is so not a familiar face right now.”
Angel cringed inside. So the whole subject change thing was clearly not going to happen. Isn’t it just a little odd that she’s not bothered by the fact that I am holding a child who by all rights shouldn’t exist and yet she clearly has problems with just the idea of Cordelia.
“I mean, her whole Soccer-mom act, that’s new.”
Angel clenched his teeth and tried to sound as if the comment hadn’t bothered him. “It’s not an act Buffy. She’s taken on a lot of responsibility. She’s made a lot of sacrifices that she shouldn’t have had to make. Cordy, she’s-”
“And when exactly, did she become Cordy?”
Angel knew he wasn’t imagining the bite in Buffy’s tone but he didn’t know how to respond to it. “Well, it’s been three years.”
“Sorry, it’s just a little hard to imagine her all nurturing. I mean, I can totally picture her wigging out over getting baby drool on her clothes.”
“Oh she’s fine with the baby drool. Now demon slime, she still has issues with that.”
“So she whines a lot, does she?” Buffy was really looking for something bad about Cordelia. Actually, she was looking for Angel to say something bad about her.
“Oh no, she just quietly puts her dry cleaning bills on the company credit card.” Angel didn’t know where this conversation was going but he didn’t like it. If Buffy thought he was going to join her in this weird need to criticize his best friend, she was wrong.
Luckily, before Buffy could say anything else, Willow popped her head out the door and announced that the pizza was there.