***
“I’m going to kill Wes.” Angel snarled, nearly morphing as he gripped the mug in his hand.
“I’ll hold him down.” Cordelia nodded supportively as she sat next to him on the couch, purposefully forcing the woman to occupy her rickety recliner.
That didn’t mean she wasn’t talking. It was starting to grate of the young woman’s nerves now. Her poor vampire was still homicidal and twitching from time to time every moment he remembered the rodeo lingerie.
“Are you together?”
Ignore her. Yes. Pretty stone cottage on a high cold mountain where the old woman’s stick would catch a stray root and THROW her off the side of a steep cliff! MWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!
Angel caught the manic twitch of his seer’s mouth. “Cordy?”
“Are you involved?”
The brunette turned to Angel with an innocent smile. “Hmmm?”
“You okay?”
She watched lusty gray eyes slide across Angel’s frame and the vampire involuntarily pressed closer to her. Glaring at the creepy hag, Cordy wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “I’m fine Angel.”
Oh I’m fine. I’m calm. I do NOT want to skin the creepy crone with my bare hands.
“Are you in love?”
Cordelia growled and Angel looked at her with odd admiration as she fixed her irate hazel eyes on the dragon curled up across the living room.
“Are you sleeping together?”
Angel winced when Cordelia’s face became thunderous.
“Are you having an affair?”
“That’s it! That is SO it!” When Cordelia made a motion to stand, Angel grabbed her arm afraid she might scalp the woman just like his demon was coaxing him.
She was slingshot back into Angel’s lap, as he held her there in the circle of his arms struggling to get free; her eyes were still trained on the smirking old coot. “Yes! We’re having sex. We’re bonking, doing the horizontal hula, screwing like monkeys, shagging and getting some nookie!” The brunette was practically spitting with anger.
Cordelia pointed a threatening finger at the slightly cowed old woman. “You touch his ass one more time gramma and I’m going to…”
He grabbed her finger and cleared his throat. “Um…Cordy. I think she gets the idea.”
The seer only huffed, still shooting daggers as she let herself be calmed by the oddly smiling vampire. “I’m going to reheat my hot chocolate.” With an irritated stamp of her foot Cordelia Chase climbed to her feet never taking her furious gaze off the very still elderly woman.
“Don’t move. Don’t shift. Don’t even breathe or I’ll spare your stalker the trouble, which hello we still haven’t seen since we got here, and give you a long overdue heart attack!”
Cordelia disappeared into the kitchen.
“Ooooh, this hot chocolate is delicious…oooh…”
Angel braved a glance at the woman to see her eyeing him sultrily. There should have been a law against having a libido like hers at this age, Angel reasoned.
She ran her finger over her mouth temptingly while he stared in horror, and when her fingertip slid along her lower lip she opened her mouth – and her upper denture fell out.
“Oopthhhh…I seem tho have dropth my denthers…”
His head dropped into his hands. “I haven’t eaten enough people to deserve this.”
Cordelia miraculously appeared at his side and the couch dipped as she sat down and placed her mug on the table in front of them. “Don’t worry, just a little more. I slipped her sleeping medication into her mug.” Her grin was almost feral.
With a happy whoop Angel whirled around and hugged his beautiful, courageous, ingenious Seer to him with lightening speed; uncontainable with his elation. “Oh thank you! Thank you! Thank you! If I wasn’t so far beyond disgusted right now Cordy, I’d have lost my soul with joy.”
“Air! AIR!”
“Ahem. Sorry. I was overcome.” The vampire drew back.
“There are other ways to thank me Broody.” Cordelia caught her breath, one hand on her heart. Of course, it wouldn’t do any good to point out she was having trouble breathing since his arms were still around her.
Nope. No good at all.
Until Angel ducked down and planted a large smooch right on her mouth, grinning like the idiot that he was. “I love you.”
OHMIGOD! Cordelia stared. Two seconds later she was mentally kicking herself for not responding.
Mental note: Next time Angel’s lips come within range, kiss the begeezuz out of him. Yup. Good plan.
They jumped when a very loud snore interrupted the moment followed by a nasal whistle coming out of one toothless mouth. Both Cordelia and Angel watched the old dinosaur finally slumped asleep and silent in her chair, before falling back into the sofa with a sigh of relief.
After a moment of savored silence Cordelia lifted her chin. “Angel? “
“Hmmm?”
“Are you pondering what I’m pondering?”
He smiled. “I think so Cordy. But there’s no way I could eat Mrs. Peabody and convince myself it wasn’t self preservation.”
The young woman rolled her eyes and shifted comfortably in the crook of his arm as he stretched it over the back of the couch. “No more Kids WB for you Broody.”
“You said it helps me brood less.” The time spent watching cartoons with his seer was his favorite Friday night activity. There was something strangely comforting with the way she curled up next to him and watched her two favorite mice.
Almost like she was right now. It drove the darkness from his pores a little each time she smiled or laughed or just had her hand on his arm, or leg or anything she was touching.
“NOT when you start quoting Pinky and The Brain Angel. That just says you’ve gone to the bad place.”
He snickered. “So what are you pondering?”
“This assignment sucks!”
“Oh my god!” He feigned shock, at last relaxed for the first time in the entire day. “You are clairvoyant too because I swear I was pondering the same thing you’re pondering.”
She frowned up at him with mild annoyance. “Say the P word one more time smart mouth.
“I’m confused. Is that a request?”
“ANGEL!”
He yelped when her hand snapped back to hit him squarely in the chest. It didn’t hurt, but he pouted just the same. “Sorry. You realize how much I agree with you though don’t you? I’m picking on you for entertainment.”
“When do you not?”
“Again…I’m confused…”
When she fixed him her patented death glare he grinned. “Yes Cordy. This assignment sucks. What’s your po…”
GROWL!
“Point!” He laughed, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “I was gonna say point! … And by the way…ten points for the growl. Very authentic. Good job.”
“Thank you.” Involuntarily, her nose lifted in the air and winced when the woman muttered in her sleep, snorted and then proceeded to snore. “This time Wes has gone too far.”
“Oh I’m with you.” Angel let out an unneeded sigh. “Last night he had Gunn and I rearrange the entire lobby. If I wasn’t still overwrought with guilt I might have told him where to put his slave driving finger that he points in that arrogantly British way.”
“Oh you mean…” She looked up haughtily and lifted her hand, her pointer finger dangling in her air in a perfect Wesley impersonation.
“Oh, I say…I do believe the planter should be equidistant between the two sofas! No, no, no! The cushions should be fluffed with both hands firmly placed on adjacent corners for uniformity.”
Angel snorted with guffaws, muting them, lest the dragon woke up again. “Christ Cordy, whoever said you couldn’t act was an idiot.”
“That’s what I said.” She grinned widely up at him, warming him in ways he didn’t know were possible.
“So? Are we going to put up with his serfdom?”
“Cordelia Chase is NO serf!”
“The PTB have been characteristically quiet. How do you suggest we ‘handle’ our boss?”
“The same way all unhappy employees do.” Her beautiful mouth spread into a rather wide, wickedly innocent smirk.
“We go on strike.”
“Blast you Indian ruffians.” Both jumped when the elderly woman called out in her sleep. “BAM BAM BAM! Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty…who’s a naughty boy now…”
Cordelia met her vampire’s eyes and grabbed his hand. “Starting now.”
Scrambling to their feet, they almost ran out of the house.