Part 4 – “Eight Tequila, Floor!”
“Ugh…I believe this is what’s known as…alcohol pukage…”
Wesley chuckled at the comment made by Fred. Her sentences usually ran in with each other, held no coordination with the previous one and had words too odd for even *him* to process. And he thought it was adorable.
Huddled over the basin, Fred leaned her head against the cool marble, having only just recovered from the ‘alcohol pukage’ from before. Gently, he took her arm, leading her over to the single bed in the hotel room.
“Come on, Fred.” He said softly.
“No…basin…pukage again!” She said, shaking her head vehemently, causing herself to become more dizzy.
Wesley smiled, “I was in the Boy Scouts, our motto, Always Be Prepared.” In his hand he held a small jug,
“I imagine you’ll feel a lot better if you lie down.” He said softly.
Nodding, and trying not to vomit again, Fred let Wesley lower her gently to the bed.
“Cordelia was real mad, wasn’t she?” Asked Fred, meeting Wesley’s eyes.
Smiling, he nodded, “It’ll blow over in a few days.”
“I dunno, I think Angel might have serious Grovellage to do…” Said Fred, shaking her head. “But they’ll make it through…Kye-rumption.”
“Isn’t that Grog made of Ox dung?”
Fred’s stomach lurched at the idea of food in Pylea, “No silly…that’s the *other* kind…this kind is when two great heroes meet on the field of battle and recoginize their mutual fate. Cordelia with the heroicism and the visions and…Angel with the herocisim and the other stuff.” She said nodding.
“It would remind me of us…” Started Fred, sleepily, “But I’m no hero…”
Watching as she yawned, Wesley’s heart skipped a beat…or rather jumped an entire note… “What?” He asked stunned.
“Well…maybe we can just have rumption…or kye…” Whispered Fred as her eyes closed, “I hear both are nice…”
“Indeed.” Smiled Wesley, glancing down as Fred snuggled into his arms.
***
“We were SUPPOSED to have sex!” Said Anya, indignantly, glaring at Xander, arms folded across her chest. “We have sex EVERY night! And what the friggin’ heck is that black eye?! We’re getting married in TWO days and you have a black eye!” She said, jabbing a finger furiously at Xander’s eye where Connor had punched him.
“Shhh!” Said Xander quickly, “I just got the baby to sleep! You can’t come in here all…tequila-ed up and shout your mouth off, you’ll wake the baby! And it took me ages too! I had to sing DISNEY!”
“I wanted sex…and now *we* can’t have any because of the baby.” Said Anya.
“Ah, the joys of parenthood…” Said Xander, flopping down on the couch and sighing, exhausted.
“We aren’t PARENTS!” Hissed Anya. “Are you going off me? Did you tell Angel to bring Connor here so we couldn’t have sex?” She asked, suddenly suspicious.
Xander stared at her, stunned, “WHAT? Are you crazy? No!!” He said, shaking his head, “And besides, if I was going off you, which would NEVER happen, I wouldn’t bring a baby into this…that would come…after or…earlier or something…” He said confused.
Anya trailed her fingers down his chest, “So does that mean we can…” She raised her eyebrows suggestively.
Xander shook his head adamantly, “No! Dead boy would string me up if he knew I…”
“How will Angel know?” She asked grinning.
Xander grinned right back, reaching over to switch off the lights. “Good thing Dead Boy Junior’s asleep…” He murmured.
***
“Slayer, listen to me…”
“SHUT UP.” She said quickly. “I don’t WANT to talk to you, I don’t WANT to look at you, I don’t WANT to listen to you. Get me?” Asked Buffy, thoroughly annoyed.
They’d all gone their separate ways, Cordelia and Angel in one direction, Wesley and the drunk girl in another, Fred and Anya, Willow, Gunn and the…Lorne, the demon…in the other.
And Buffy, predictably, was stuck with Spike.
“I didn’t sleep with Cordelia! She’s too bloody skinny for my liking…not enough meat to…what?” Buffy was looking daggers at him.
“Are you now saying I’m fat?” She asked.
Spike groaned, “What is it with you women? I WAS TRYING TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS YOU STUPID BINT!” He roared, tossing his hands up in the air.
“By saying Cordelia’s…’skinny’…” She mocked, “And implying that I’m not?”
“Much have you had to drink, luv?” Asked Spike, shaking his head wearily. “You kicked me in the bloody bollocks…” He pointed out.
“*You* slept with Cordelia.”
“I DIDN’T!”
“Well you *said* you did! And you made me say in front of all my friends that I slept with you!” Said Buffy indignantly.
“And that’s wrong, why?”
“Because it’s very gross!” She exclaimed. “It’s horrid and wrong and…”
“You still want it.” Cut in Spike.
Buffy’s cheeks flushed, but she still glared at him, “You had no right to do that!” She said.
“Tell you what luv…when you figure out what you want, give me a call and I’ll come runnin’…seems like I always do.” Spike stalked off and Buffy winced, the words being the exact ones Riley said to her not long before he left.
“Spike, don’t go.” She whispered, but he was gone.
***
Angel was having even LESS luck than Spike. “Bite me.” She said simply, walking along the street, arms folded across her chest. She was shivering from the cold and yet Cordelia *still* refused to take his coat from him when he offered it. “And again, I say bite me.”
“Cordelia I…”
“Not listening.” She said quickly.
“You’re making this incredibly…”
“Still not listening, Angel.”
“Difficult.” He finished, frowning. Then, “Oh, shit! Connor!”
Cordelia’s eyes were immediately on him, “What’s wrong?” She asked, panic flitting through her eyes. Connor…no…he had to be okay…
“Nothing’s wrong…I just haven’t picked him up from Xander’s yet…”
“WHAT?” Cordelia sputtered, “YOU LEFT CONNOR WITH *XANDER*???” She stared at Angel, “Please tell me that you and I fell into the twilight zone?”
Angel looked at her sheepishly, “Uhm…” Cordelia stalked off, Angel trailing behind her saying words that were NOT for the faint of heart…
***
Minutes Later **
“Just a minute!” *scuffle*
“Be right ther…OW! Xander!”
Cordelia couldn’t supress a grin as Anya and Xander arrived at the door, Anya’s hair standing in angles Cordelia didn’t know existed and Xander’s shirt buttoned the wrong way. “Bad time?” She teased.
“Worst.” Said Anya, “We were just about to have the orgas…”
“ORDER PIZZA!” Said Xander, clamping his hand over Anya’s mouth as he spotted Angel. “So, Dead Boy, looking kinda…pale there…” He babbled.
Angel nodded, distracted, “Came to pick up my son.” He said stoically.
Xander rolled his eyes, “Still haven’t mastered the art of Social Conversation have you? It’s polite to say, ‘Hello Xander, how are you? How was your night of babysitting my child? How did…”
“Xander, shut up.” Said Cordelia impatiently. “I’d like to go home sometime today…”
Anya, who had briefly disappeared from sight, reappeared again, laden with all the things Angel had brought along for Connor. “Here ya go!” She said, dumping them in Angel’s arms and gesturing for Xander to go get the baby, “We’d like it if you didn’t ask us to do it again.”
Cordelia rolled her eyes and smiled as Xander handed her Connor. “No naughties you two…” She winked as she walked down the corridor, not stopping to help Angel with anything.
~Payback is a bitch.~ She thought to herself, still annoyed.
“Cordelia, I…”
“STILL NOT LISTENING!” She called out, frowning.