Part 3
Cordelia sped into the Sunnydale High student parking lot, screeching into a parking spot. She stepped out slipping on her sunglasses.
Everyone stared at her as she walked through the halls and in seeing her confident stride and steely expression knew instantly that Queen C had returned to regain her throne, everyone except Xander Harris that is.
He walked up to her and placed an arm around her, like he did every morning, only to have her give him a disgusted look and remove his arm as if it was the most revolting thing to ever touch her.
“And what do you think you are doing?”
“Showing affection to my girlfriend?”
“Oh, see, to show affection towards a girlfriend, you’d actually have to have one.”
“Cordelia, did you hit your head? you are my girlfriend.”
“Oh, really? Could’ve fooled me. See I realized something last night, after being ignored by you for the umpteenth time. Do you wanna know what that was?” She didn’t wait for him to answer.
“I realized that no one ignores Queen C, especially not loser freaks. And further more Cordelia Chase does not date loser freaks. Somehow I had forgotten these facts, call it a momentary lapse of good taste.”
Xander stood there utterly speechless, he opened his mouth to say something than quickly closed it. The boy was confused to say the least at his girlfriend’s strange behavior.
“I was slumming it for a bit, it was fun, really it was, but I’m done now.” Xander again opened his mouth and held up a finger to signify he was going to speak, but no sound came out. “Now see, that would be you’re cue to get lost.”
With that she left Xander still trying to regain his power of speech.
“What the hell just happened here?” He finally managed to get out after she was long gone.
***
Cordelia felt a pang of guilt at the way she had just treated Xander, but pushed it down.
She couldn’t allow emotions to break her.
“And what do you think you are doing?” Harmony came right up to her blocking her path to her locker.
“Umm trying to get my books for history? Harm, you really are a blonde.” Harmony gazed at her former friend for a second then shook off the comment; she had to make her point before she forgot it.
“I mean, if you think that just because you dumped Xander Harris means that we are gonna let you regain your old position, well it’s not.”
“Oh darn, now could you please get out of my way?”
“Did you hear what I said?”
“Yeah, I heard, now move.” She stared down at the smaller blonde and could swear she saw Harmony wince, which delighted her to no end.
“Fine, just remember what I said.”
“It’s duly noted.” Cordelia rolled her eyes and Harmony finally walked away. “Well this is going better than I had thought.” She smiled to herself as she opened her locker.
She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, the stranger in the glass reflected back at her.
She didn’t even recognize herself anymore, but this is the way it had to be. She just had to remind herself of this. She took a deep breath, got her book and went to her next class, her emotion free mask firmly in place.
***
Cordelia Chase was once again the center of attention at the Bronze. Regaling her audience with stories and having all the guys in the place begging for her attention. She loved this, she had missed it more than she had realized.
Everything was going according to plan, until Xander, Buffy, Willow and Oz showed up.
She cast a guarded glance in their direction and quickly looked away when she noticed Xander looking directly at her.
She decided it would be best to ignore them for a change and turned her focus back to the worshiping teenagers gathered around her.
The crowd around her parted, as someone wanted to gain access to Queen C. She looked up to see who would warrant such a welcome.
“Why, Hogan Martin, to what do I owe this pleasure?”
“Want to dance?” She sized up the star basketball player. He was cute, highly respected, good build, he’d do.
“Why not.” The other guys around her groaned in protest. “Don’t worry, I’ll be back.” That seemed to satisfy her admirers. Cordelia and Hogan started to dance out on the floor when the band changed tunes to a slow and sultry song.
They started to dance accordingly.
Xander looked at the dancing duo with total disgust. “Look at him and his perfect jock body pressed up against hers. What does he have that I don’t?”
“Well it looks like, money, social status, good dancing moves…” Buffy offered.
“Hey, I can dance, you have yet to see my famous Snoopy Dance, tell her Will.”
“He does do it pretty well.”
“Thank you. I just don’t know what got into her. One minute we’re close and the next minute she’s getting her groove on with that human jock strap. Sure he’s cute and smooth and has a way with the ladies and pours on the charm…who am I kidding, I’d date him.”
Buffy and Willow stared at him. “I meant if I was a girl.” He gave a nervous chuckle.
Back on the dance floor Cordelia was actually enjoying being in the arms of a guy that didn’t step all over her toes, although got a little uncomfortable when his hand kept going lower and lower until it rested on her rear. She leaned up sexily until her lips were even with his ear.
“Keep your hands a little less south of the border, or we wouldn’t want anything to happen to Mr. basket and Mr. ball now would we?” She whispered, hoping he would get the reference. He obviously was smarter than he looked, because he gulped audibly and his hands quickly returned to her back.
She cleared her throat and his hand moved higher to her shoulders and they continued dancing. A smile crept on her face and a look of pure terror was on his.
***
Angel hid in the shadows and amidst the crowd, he saw Buffy and her friends, but didn’t really want to deal with them today. He had come hoping to get to talk to Cordelia again. He got a glimpse of the real Cordelia and he liked what he saw and enjoyed the time he spent with her. He wanted to get to know her better and actually become friends with the girl.
He hadn’t had a real friend in along time. Sure Buffy and him said they were friends, but when it came down to it he wasn’t sure if they could ever be “just friends,” and if he was honest with himself he knew they couldn’t be more than friends either.
Things were too messed up with them, and he didn’t know if they could ever get back what they once had.
He watched Cordelia and the guy she was with and growled when he saw the boy’s hands move lower than they should be. He had to chuckle when they moved as quickly as they were put there and saw the look of terror on the boys face. Oh he would give anything to know what Cordelia had said to him.
The two had finished their dance and Cordelia walked back over to where her “fans” were waiting for her, Hogan trailed behind her.
“You know, Cordelia, if you want we can leave this place and go somewhere a bit more quiet if you know what I mean.”
“You just won’t give up will you? Just because you are a jock and I’m a cheerleader, doesn’t mean I’m going to be at your beck and call. Doesn’t work that way.”
“Oh, and how do you want it work?”
“Let’s say that you get lost and I go back to what I was doing. Really, the dance was fun and all.”
“Who are you kidding, you need me.”
“Oh, do I now? Enlighten me.” She crossed her arms in front of her; she couldn’t wait to hear his logic.
“You are trying to regain your popularity, right?”
“Look over there? See all those kids waiting for me? Just like they used to? Just like they always will? I’d say that I’m back, and I don’t need anybody, okay? So run along now, don’t you have a dumb freshman to seduce?” With that she walked away.
The jock just shrugged and saw a cute blonde in the corner and went over to chat her up.
***
The night had gone better than Cordelia had planned. Everything seemed back to the way it used to be, she was pleased with herself for being able to pull it off. She was so busy giving herself mental congratulations that she didn’t notice the figure behind her until he grabbed her arm. She jumped, startled.
“Geez, dead boy, I thought I told you to stop doing that.”
“Sorry, I really didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Yeah whatever. Shouldn’t you be with little miss likes to fight?”
“I came looking for you.”
“Oh really, why?”
“I thought maybe I could walk you home again. I enjoyed talking with you last night.”
“I don’t need you to walk me home, I’m a big girl.”
“I didn’t mean that you couldn’t take care of yourself, just that there are monsters and stuff and…”
“Yeah, why don’t I let one of those monsters walk me home.” She regretted the words as they left her mouth, but there was no going back, she was Queen C now and Queen C never regrets.
“Ouch, that was low.”
“But true. You went all evil and tried to kill me once, who’s to say it won’t happen again.”
“I’m sorry, Cordelia…”
“Sorry? Oh you’re sorry now. Well that makes it all better, that brings back Ms. Calendar and everything. Oh wow you’re sorry.”
“Cordelia, what has gotten into you? This isn’t like you.”
“Oh, Angel, that is where you are wrong, this is exactly like me.” Why wouldn’t he just leave, for some reason it was harder to keep up the act around him.
“No, it’s not.” He grabbed her arm and spun her around to face him she glared at him. “I saw the real you last night and this isn’t her.”
“That wasn’t me last night.”
“Obviously, the girl I saw last night was vulnerable and full of passion, life and dreams.”
“Yeah, not to mention weak, full of pain and allowed herself to get hurt. I’m through with that.”
“So you are gonna go around not feeling anything?”
“It’s better than the alternative.”
“No it’s not. God you are such an idiot.”
“What did you call me?”
“An idiot. When I was Angelus, I was free of emotions; much like you the only thing I could feel was pleasure. Pleasure from the kill, from the hunt, from everything. But you know what? I’d much rather be Angel and full of pain and guilt and just feelings than be devoid of them.”
“The only thing is when you were free of the feelings, you kinda went evil and killed people. Not seeing the comparison.”
“Fine, whatever, I give up. I just really wanted to get to know you, guess I was wrong. You are not the girl I want to get to know.”
“Yeah well she’s long gone.”
“You know where I am when she returns.”
“Don’t hold your breath.”
“Don’t worry, no breath to hold.” They went their separate ways and Cordelia walked to her house alone.
When she was safe in her room she removed her makeup and changed into her usual nightclothes, boxers and t-shirt. She looked at herself for a good long time in the mirror and then started to cry.
All the emotions she had pushed down during the day came out in the privacy of her own room.
***
Angel sat perched outside her balcony watching the girl cry, he felt bad for her. He knew the REAL Cordelia was in there somewhere and hated that the first time he saw it that night was of her crying. He wanted to go in and hold her, tell her it was ok, and give her someone she didn’t have to pretend around.
But he just watched, frozen in his spot outside her window.
Cordelia turned around to go to bed when she spotted someone outside her window. She gasped when she recognized the figure. And had to wonder how long he was standing there.
He saw that she saw him, but remained in place.