Title: Made to Order
Category: Raunchy humour/fluff [what else?]
Summary: Fred gets Cordy a special present.
Spoilers: S3 pre Darla, post-buffy alive again
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Notes: I found this in my fic folder half complete-…so finished it, finally, lol. fluffy smutty…fluff, with humor (hopefully)
Thanks/Dedication:Challenge given via pm by Helen, then I forgot about it *oops* hope you enjoy it babes. Mwah!
Feedback:would be great!
News is News is News
“You’re kidding, right? – There isn’t going to be a punch line or a ‘but’ is there?” Angel’s voice wavered slightly, and he cleared his throat and looked away from the Ex-Watcher who he realllly wanted to kiss right now!
Nope, he hadn’t decided that after centuries of worshipping the female form that he wanted to bat for the other team- not at all. But this wonderful thing the man had done for him; well, words just didn’t seem adequate!
“I’m pleased to say, there is no ‘but’ – and definitely not kidding, Angel. You were right to tell me about feeling ‘different’ since that episode with that old man from the Retirement home. The artefact used to swap bodies indeed did give you a great gift.” Wes leaned forward excitedly.
“The act of your essence switching with his could have ripped your tenuous soul from you under normal circumstances – but the deep, ancient magic surrounding that urn not only held it in place, but super glued it to you too.” He grinned with excitement.
“The connotations are well worth researching further, in fact I-” Angel reached out a hand and patted the man’s shoulder with a raised brow that stopped the ramblings mid-flow.
“Yes, well; suffice to say, the threat of Angelus is no longer a worry – the others will be so pleased for you- ” before the vampire could stop him, Wes had left the office and rounded up the others.
“Damnit!” Angel had a plan of action to work out first – but it was too late now, he stifled a growl and rose to his feet.
“Angel! I’m so pleased for you!” within seconds of him exiting the office, a soft, warm, and deliciously curvy body wrapped around his cool frame.
Before he had a chance to relish the feeling, the warmth receded rapidly as Cordy stepped back, and was quickly replaced with a no less warm, but much slighter body; thin arms squeezing his neck tightly then releasing him just as quickly.
“Are we gonna celebrate?” Fred’s eyes sparkled with excitement, grinning as Gunn entered the fray, shaking Angel’s hand firmly and looking just as excited!
“Can’t say I’m sorry I won’t get to meet the evil dude,” a wide grin splitting his dark face.
By the time congratulations were over, everyone was sitting on the couches. Angel couldn’t help feeling peeved to find his Seer sandwiched between Gunn and Fred, and he reluctantly joined Wes on the other couch.
He noted that, although still smiling broadly, a shadow touched her beautiful eyes, and she wouldn’t quite meet his gaze.
“Cordy? Is something wrong?” Wes asked softly; he’d noticed too.
“What? Me? – nooo; well….” A wide range of emotions flitted across her lovely face as she glanced at first Wes, then Angel, before dropping her eyes to the hands twisting in her lap. Silence pervaded the room as everyone watched the Seer who was obviously having some sort of inner struggle.
“When will you be; you know – leaving?” worry quickly melted to surprise, as they continued to stare mutely at her.
“Excuse me?” was all Angel could manage. What the hell was she going on about? Cordy shifted in her seat awkwardly, her mouth opening and closing a few times, then her eyes again skittered to her hands; this time seemingly checking her nails.
“You know, Angel- Sunnydale; Buffy.” She blurted it out hurriedly, then all eyes turned to the stunned vampire as they penny finally dropped.
Angel rose to his feet, his darkening eyes resting on the bent head of his best friend. Surely she didn’t believe…after all they’d; noooo, she couldn’t! – could she?
“I-I’ve no intention of going anywhere, Cordy.” He replied quietly. “You- everyone here… I’m not leaving my family.” he smiled faintly, glancing at the others, who nodded, relaxing.
He walked a few steps forward until less than a foot away from the sitting brunette. ” Sunnydale is my past, as is Buffy. You already knew that.” Angel added softly.
“Actually no, I didn’t” her voice equally as soft. Then she stood up abruptly, a smile pinned to her face, “So, Caritas tonight? Or are we just gonna do our usual – uhhhhgnn!” Angel caught her before she could hit the hard floor.
Cordy half listened to Fred’s prattle as she recalled the scenes following her vision. All talk of celebrations – and Sunnydale; and the ‘B’ word were pushed aside as they readied themselves to fight the latest ugly to decide that it would be fun to eat a handful of Los Angeles’ residents, Angel had held on to her longer than he needed, which made for more awkwardness as she pushed him away; softening her abrupt action with a bright, pain-edged smile. Even as he released her, she had a feeling their ‘conversation’ was far from over.
Yeah, like I really wanna take *that* trip down memory lane! she thought morosely. Then Freds words sunk into her brain.
“And when he said he built robot sex toys for guys all over, I thought he was joking- but no; he sent me some pictures in an email to show me, They were so life-like too-“
“Woah! Fred. Rewind that a bit, would ya? – Robot sex toys?” The physicist nodded with a cheeky grin all over her face, adding:
“Well, not just for that – he can program them to do whatever you want! – And they just give him a photo and he creates the exact likeness of whoever they want.! A bit creepy and yucky, ya know; wanting one to, um do things with, don’t ya think? I mean, if I was to have one, I’d rather they did something less…”
“Ewwey?” Cordy suggested, agreeing wholeheartedly. Fred nodded. For a long moment, both were lost in thought at the pretty nasty visuals they got from that information.
“Massage would be good though” Cordy murmured to herself. “-Obviously, not the invasive ‘parlour’ type, naturally” she added hastily; cos that would be….definitely ‘ewwwey’!
“Who would you – if you ever considered having one made for ya- not that *you* would need to, being so pretty an ‘all, Cordy; just wondering…?” Fred eyed the other brunette with deliberately innocent brown eyes, not missing the instant flush that invaded the young woman’s cheeks. silly question! she thought, sighing, and stifling the giggle that threatened to erupt when she deigned *not* to reply.
Everyone knew Angel was in love with Cordy- and that Cordy was in love with Angel- except Angel and Cordy, that is!
True; there hadn’t really been much point in either doing anything about it, anyway …but now, that was a moot point! Trouble was, Cordy was clueless; and the vampire was so unlike a vampire it was almost funny! He only had to be in the same room with his beautiful Seer lately, and he’d trip over his own feet!
How Cordy missed his yearning, and frequently lusting glances was beyond the young Texan. Kyrumption and Moira; they were meant to be together! But she honestly couldn’t see any chance of that in this lifetime!
“I bet Angel would make a great masseur, with those large, cool hands of his- “Fred added, sighing breathily; watching her friend’s expression out of the corner of her eye as she did so.
“Maybe – how would I know?” There it was: the telltale flush deepening, and a slight catch of breath, as she unconsciously brought a hand to her mouth- then Cordy shook herself roughly *bad* girl; down!
Fred had to bite her lip to halt the giggle as she easily read the thoughts that flitted across Cordy’s face!
Then a wicked idea popped into her head, unpacked, rearranged the furniture – and stayed there.
Now where did I put that guy’s email address? she wondered absently.
Long and bloody meandering!
He was definitely gonna tell her; any minute now…. if fact, right now…. “Awwe, fuck! Who am I kidding?”
Angel paced his room with ever increasing strides as he fought with himself. At this moment, he really wished this were as simple as merely killing twelve demons with both hands tied behind his back.
He’d never actually done so, but Angel still believed he’d have more chance of beating those almost impossible odds than:
“Cordy, I love you.” Saying those four words.
By the time they’d got back from saving the helpless over a week ago now, Cordy had already headed for home, and he just hadn’t the balls to go after her. The following day, when she arrived with her usual ‘friend-and-nothing-more’ like self, he bottled completely.
The thought of her letting him down gently- or, horror of horrors laughing hysterically from her place on the floor after he’d professed his feelings, had him zipping his gob and running for the hills.
“I have time; I have lots of time – she’d most likely have been dead and buried for over a century by that time, you pathetic wuss; but still, this needs planning.” He justified himself to himself even whilst his now-permanently bound demon covered its face in deep shame.
On reaching the foot of the stairs, he looked around, frowning heavily.
“Where’s Cordy?” he’d felt her presence even from the confines of his room, but now, thinking about it, that delicious presence was unacceptably missing.
“Fred wanted Cordelia to accompany her somewhere or other.” Wes muttered distractedly without lifting his eyes from the large book resting on his lap. Angel rolled his eyes in exasperation.
“Thank you for that detailed report, Wes. A well oiled machine as per usual” he sniped, ignoring the middle fingered salute aimed his way as he strode over to the mini fridge behind the check-in counter.
“This kind of slacking behaviour would never have happened when *I* was the boss”, he growled under his breath, pulling out a container of O’pos, pouring it in his mug, and almost throwing it in the microwave. He felt a little better when the satisfying slam of the little door caused Wes to jump and the book to slide of his lap.
Angel sniggered as he watched the man pick up the book, cursing prolifically under his breath as he attempted to find his page.
“Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?” he scolded lightly, retrieving his mug and strolling over to plant himself heavily opposite his still-cursing boss.
“I don’t kiss any one with it, so might as well add to my vocabulary instead” Wes replied mock-bitterly – well, Angel assumed he was joking. Wasn’t he?
Angel shrugged, feeling moderately glad that he, after all, wasn’t the only one whose love life sucked; glancing up in time to see the third male of the AI team enter the lobby. His eyes narrowed on the young man’s mouth.
“Is that lipstick? Something you’re not telling us, Charles?” Angel wriggled his brows, and shot a grin towards Wes, who now scrutinised his friends chops too.
“Yup; but It didn’t come out of no tube!” Gunn winked and swanked down the steps.
Angel sipped his drink, and Wes dropped his eyes back to the page in front of him.
Both sighed heavily and muttered “Jammy bastard” under their breaths.
“Can I look now, Fred?” Okay…. When Fred had asked her to go on an important errand with her this afternoon, Cordy had been surprised when directed to her own apartment. As soon as they got to her front door, the young brunette insisted she wore a blindfold before opening the door, and now she was standing in, what she assumed, was the middle of her lounge in total silence.
“Okay, you’ve been good, so- take it off, take it off!” Fred’s voice pitched high in excitement towards the end of her words.
“Angel? What are you…Oh.My.God.”? Cordy’s mouth dropped to the floor as she stared at her best friend who stood directly in front of her, wearing nothing but a pair of black silk boxers with a tiger motif emblazoned across the front; we-ellll, not exactly Angel!
“Hey, Baby, would you like a long and relaxing massage?” he purred in a sexy tone she’d never heard directed at her before.
If it hadn’t have been for the emotionless brown eyes with no real depth looking at her, Cordy would have melted into a steaming puddle on the floor.
“Do you like your present, then, Cordy?” Fred asked with a devilish twinkle in her soft brown eyes.
Clueless is Cute??? Hah!
“She’s gone home early again? since when did we become emancipated and embrace ‘Flexitime’?” The vampire growled at his boss as he paced the lobby like a power walker.
“I take umbrage at that- who’s the boss here, anyway?” Wes defended his promotion hotly, deciding then and there to flex those ‘boss’ muscles and find something not so pleasant for the Ex boss to do; when he had a nice long think about it, of course!
“And Fred- how many times in the last few weeks has she left with her? – Do you think they are double dating?” Angel almost whispered the last bit, his expression not unlike that of a baby who’s had his lollipop snatched by an evil older sibling.
“How should I know? Being boss doesn’t require me to be psychic too!” Wes grumbled; inwardly marking up yet another ‘score’ at throwing his boss-manship in his Ex bosses face.
Well, it wasn’t as if he had anything else to crow about! He too was beginning to wonder about the goings on of both young women- especially the cute Texan who he had the major hots for. A thought popped into his pouting brain.
“Unless they’re…dating- each other?” Wes replied in grudging awe of a totally naturally perverted male specimen.
Both men paused in their tracks at that, and as one, moved over to a couch to sink down slowly whilst their minds climbed into the gutter with relative ease.
For the last three weeks, Cordy had been leaving early, almost skipping out of the door- and if that wasn’t bad enough, lately, every time Angel spoke to her she seemed to have great difficulty looking him in the eye. Angel may be a little slow on the uptake on occasion [Duh!], but he could swear that there was at least a *hint* of guilt and embarrassment in those gorgeous hazel eyes.
“I’m pushing too hard” he decided out loud, swallowing in mortification; shooting a ferocious glare at the man sitting near him who dared to snort sarcastically.
“That’s a new take on the word ‘push’, Angel! I’ve never seen it used in conjunction with stumbling and stuttering with a bit of avoiding thrown in for good measure”, Wes snarked, seemingly unbothered by the threatening flash of annoyed fang.
“Maybe I should take some lessons from you, Mister smooth!” The vampire felt a modicum of satisfaction when the man’s eyes skittered away with an accompanying guilty flush.
“Okay; so we both agree to being complete morons when it comes to the female species” Wes sighed wearily, his expression matching the vampires in glum doom-laden gloom. “Back to our brunettes; do you think they might be….you know…?”
“Getting down and dirty?” Angel finished, the awe creeping back, followed rapidly by jealousy…
“Fucking great! Now I’m trying to hold down the real urge to tear Fred limb from limb.” This was getting worse by the second. He snarled, totally pissed now!
“Shall I go out and come back in again- in a decade or ten?” The slightly trembly voice jerked both men’s heads towards the entranceway, where a young brunette hovered uncertainly.
“Fred!” Angel shot to his feet even as he mentally kicked himself in various places; Wes cleared his throat several times before rising with a weak smile.
“We-we were discussing the latest demon to hit our radar; we have yet to find out what it’s called, so we named it ‘Fred’ due to it being…” Wes’ insane rambling stuttered to a halt as he threw a ‘help-me-I’m-going-into-prat-mode’ look at his in-cahoots buddy.
“-That it’s native home is in Texas!” Angel added with not so much of the panache – but it seemed to work. Both sighed in pure relief when she bought it.
“Oh, that’s good; cos I haven’t a clue to what you could think I’ve done to deserve being limbless.” Fred grinned, hopping down the steps and making her way over to the counter.
Angel wandered over and hovered, noticing a mixture of light sweat and – body oil? Emanating from the young woman. His brow lifted in abrupt disbelief.
“Have you been to a Massage Parlour?” he asked with horror, that grew significantly when said woman flushed guiltily.
Fred had left with Cordy- which meant that HIS woman was also involved somehow!
“What? NO!! – Anyway, how do *you* know Massage Parlour smells?” Fred answered with a question; she knew it was do with her scent, as she hadn’t missed his flaring nostrils.
Oh, crap! Why did I let Cordy talk me into that- that *wonderful* experience?- Though it *had* been a little disconcerting- especially now she faced the ‘double’ of the guy. Her eyes dropped helplessly to those hands that rested on those hips.
Definitely disconcerting! Her gaze drifted towards Wes, who stood beside the outraged vampire, looking equally outraged, and the thought that she wouldn’t have found *his* hands disconcerting at all had her face flaming even more.
Angel was still trying to think of a reply to her accusation, then realised she was obviously using distraction tactics.
“That’s neither here not there- answer the question, dammit!” he growled; then growled some more when the girl who should have been quivering in her shoes, giggled.
“Angel! Look, Fred, I know it is entirely none of our business,” Wes yanked at his already loose collar, ” But those places; they are not really suitable for the likes of young women such as yourself-“
“And what kind of woman am I, Wesley?” she asked innocently, stifling a giggle at his immediate look of trapped rat. “I think you’d both better sit down before you burst, or internally combust- which is *not* a good idea for a vampire especially” Fred grinned as she sauntered past them to settle on the couch
Cordy was in seventh heaven. “Oooh, yeah…just- that’s it; harder, yessss” God was he good at this!
She forced her eyes open and looked down at the hunk of salty goodness that knelt on the rug in front of her. Her spine arched as his fingers touched a particularly sensitive spot, unable to stifle the moan that left her parted lips. This man was a *God*! – Well, not exactly *man*, but close enough.
“Would you like me to do your other foot, baby?” that purr was becoming addictive. “Or I could give you a full body massage?” he asked hopefully…. well, not hopefully- or any real emotion, but Cordy liked to imagine the ‘hope’ bit. –
What was it with those two? First Fred, and Now A!Bot! Cordy wouldn’t be surprised if the young Physicist had done a little reprogramming herself! Anyway; back to the pros and cons of having a BotBody Massage…
So far, she hadn’t been able to bring herself to agree to more than a foot massage, but weeks of being in the company of the *real* deal was slowly wearing her down. How many times could she look at those large, cool, potentially magic hands of Angel’s without wishing she could take *him* home and beg for more than her daily foot massage!
“I’m a very greedy, needy, insane woman!” Cordy groaned out loud. How many women out there would be doing cartwheels at the thought of having this totally hot AngelBot to come home to every day?
But that was the problem: robot. Plastic, unemotional…
When the real, flesh and blood version tempted you daily, it was like leaving behind prime steak Eat-In, and grabbing a burger Take Out!
Trouble was, the real deal wasn’t interested in being her bit of ‘Prime’ and it was killing her! Lately, it seemed as if he hated being in the same breathing air as her! Not like he had to share it or anything! Nope! No chance of feeling those hands on her hot and yearning little body!
Shaking off the doom and gloom that was her life, Cordy stood up abruptly and looked down at the gorgeous ‘copy’ still sitting at her feet, and made up her mind.
“Okay, you’ve talked me into it- but remember: this is a ‘professional’ massage; not some seedy Massage Parlour gig, so keep those hands inside the green zone – Got it?” A!Bot nodded expressionlessly, and rose to it’s feet to follow the brunette into her bedroom….
“WHAT??!!!” “You can’t be serious!”
Fred looked from one goldfish to another, grinning with unabashed glee.
“Ha-Have *you* too availed yourself of a rob-“
“NO!” Fred cut into Wes’ stuttered query hastily, and then turned to the severely pissed looking vampire.
“Angel, it’s just a bit of massage; nothing to have a coronary about! In fact, it’s just like having one of those foot spars- with hands included” she added with a tinkle.
Angel shot to his feet, whilst Wes sat there looking completely stunned. Fred’s idea, and eventual ‘gift’ to Angel’s Seer hadn’t gone down at all well – and she hadn’t got to the good part yet, either!
“I can’t *believe* you did this, Fred! I *can’t* believe Cordy would do this to- would do this either! This- this *robot* could develop a glitch and *kill* her! – Did you think of that? And another thing! These things develop into all kinds of things; today a foot massage, tomorrow a full blown grope with- with *things* inserted into *things* that have no business letting other *things* in – except MY *thing*” Angel huffed and blustered whilst the two spectators to his ‘losing it’ watched with varying degrees of awe, shock and humour.
“Enough with all the asterisks already!” Fred yelled, halting the vampire in mid-freak. “It’s your fault anyway,” she added, folding her arms and glaring at him accusingly.
“Me? What did *I* do?” Angel gaped. Great! Now it was *his* fault- how could it be his fault? What had *he* done to be made the scapegoat here? –
“I can hear those asterisks again!” Fred rolled her eyes in typical Cordy fashion, which increased his outrage tenfold.
“Is this because of Angel’s total inability to confront Cordelia with his smooshy, lustworthy feelings?” Piped up Wes innocently, ignoring the instant glare that shot his way.
“*That* ‘inability’ seems pretty much a common occurrence around here, doesn’t it, Wes?” He returned with a wink towards the brunette. I’m the man! he crowed silently to himself at Wesley’s expression of mortification – well, *vampire*; but still.
“We are talking about a certain Seer and her wank of a Champion right now.” Totally forgetting his manners or his language in the company of his ‘crush’- who was now looking at him with a soft, squidgy look on her face. The usually well-spoken man’s slip only made her heart melt more.
“Do you want me to tell you the rest or not?” Fred asked, relieved when they turned away from the inevitable scrap between them.
They moved away from each other and followed the two separate digits that pointed them to two separate couches. Both humphed and grunted as they sat down heavily, folding their arms tightly, and glaring at each other.
“Right: if you’d got your act together and not only opened your clueless eyes but let Cordy into the depth of your feelings for her this wouldn’t have occurred and I wouldn’t have felt so sorry for my friend that I thought of doing this little favour for her and having a ‘contact’ create an AngelBot- minus the lower attachments I might add as you obviously have a thing about *things* and stuff so, YES it is your fault that Cordy now has in her possession a robot that massages her feet every night and even though his body massages are professional and *not* seedy, she still as of yet hasn’t ‘availed’ herself of that pleasure-and boy! Is he *good* by the way, but I think I may have talked her into it today.”
“*You* ‘availed’ yourself?”
“An AngelBot??? Cordy has an *AngelBot*- a robot that looks like *me*?”
“How could you let an Angel lookalike massage you?” Wes asked indignantly.
“Let’s not talk about that right now- I’m having enough trouble getting my head round a frikken *AngelBot!*” Angel retorted, gobsmacked; striding up to tower over the Brunette intimidatingly, but she just poo-poohed him, causing a major pout to form on his lips.
“A WesBot could have easily surpassed an *AngelBot’s* massage,” Wes grumbled to himself, earning a sweet look from the woman he….!
“I’d much prefer the real thing, actually- which is the point I’ve been trying to make to *you* Angel.” She poked him in the chest with each word.
“You’d prefer a massage from me? – Um, I’m really flattered, Fred, but-“
“No, silly!” Fred rolled her eyes, beginning to wish she hadn’t had this *stupid* plan in the first place – or, at the very least, that she’d come prepared with copious quantities of duct tape! Dense. Stupid…
“I meant that *Cordy* would prefer you- the *real* you; as to me, well, that can wait till another time, with another guy.” Fred flicked a quickly reddening Wes a look and a wink, grinning slightly at the little smile of ‘enlightenment’ that bloomed on his so *cute* face. Men!
“So, big guy, whatcha gonna do about it?” she finished, pinning the very still and silent vampire with a challenging glare.
“Yo! Have I missed some action?” All eyes turned towards Gunn, who’d walked in with yet more traces of lipstick on his mouth- and face!
“Obviously not,” sniggered Wes, now completely happy with the way things were going. Lap it up, Mister Cool; *I’m* the man now!
Angel was already across the lobby and shrugging on his jacket.
“And I intend *not* to.” Angel answered the young man he passed on the way out of the hotel with a determined look on his face.
“So….wanna fill me in?” asked the dumfounded, lipstick covered Gunn…