So You’re a Vampire

Title: So, You’re a Vampire?
Author: Scorch
Posted: Aug 21 2003
Rating: Light R
Category: Humour
Summary: Cordelia reacts differently when she finds out Angel is really a vampire.
Spoilers: Set directly after the Halloween episode in BTVS
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: AO, GT

“So, you’re really a vampire?” Cordelia asked in surprise as she adjusted the cat ears on top of her head and looked at Angel, waiting for his answer.

Angel nodded, “Yeah, thanks for what you said in there” he replied and turned to walk away.

“Hey!” Cordelia hurried to catch up with him, “Wait just a minute pal, you can’t just tell me you’re part of the legion of the undead and just walk away. Spill”

Halting his steps, the vampire looked at her in confusion “Spill what?” he asked, his brow wrinkling with his confused expression.

“The drink you’re holding” she replied sarcastically, “I wanna know stuff and since you’re the only care bear with fangs, I’m asking you”

“Stuff? Wha, uh, what kind of… Stuff?” Angel asked uncertainly, why was she so curious? And why did a 17 year old have a body like that? It was distracting.

“You know, stuff” Cordelia replied, she rolled her eyes as he just continued to stare at her in confusion. “How long have you been all grrr for?” she made a little movement with her hands to symbolise her use of the word ‘grr’ a half smile cracked his face a little.

“I’m 247” Angel conceded and began to walk away again, he wasn’t one for socialising or talking about his vampirism.

Once again, Cordelia trotted to keep up with the vampire “Wow, you only look 30, maybe middle aged”

Stopping, Angel gave her an annoyed glance “I was 26” he growled “Not middle aged”

“Alright, geez issues much” she responded “You growled, why do vampires growl?”

“I didn’t growl”

“Yes, you did. I heard it, you went grrr”



“Is there any particular reason why you’re asking me this?” he asked her, he had two modes with people; bite and avoid; the way she was going he’d end up biting and not avoiding. It wouldn’t be so bad if she wasn’t wearing a skin-tight cat costume that showed her every curve. He shouldn’t be looking, but that wasn’t the point.

“Damn right there is” Cordelia replied instantly, “You’re the only vampire I know who wouldn’t bite me”

Don’t be so sure of that pussy cat His inner thoughts rang clear. “Don’t you have a home to go to?” Angel asked hopefully.

“Nah, I’m a stray” she joked lightly, hurrying to keep up with his fast walking. “You drink blood?”

Sighing unnecessarily, “Yes Cordelia, I drink blood” he replied and resigning to the fact that she wasn’t going to go away.

“Ew and if you don’t drink human blood, what do you drink?” she asked, her heels click-clicking against the concrete as she picked up her pace in order to keep up with him.

“Pigs blood” Angel replied tersely as he headed towards his black convertible.

“Ew, what about cows blood? Or even lambs? Is there a difference?” Cordelia asked and began to get a little out of breath, she became grateful for her fitness programme and countless cheerleading that enabled her to keep up somewhat.

“Yes, there is a difference. Lambs blood is sweeter than pigs blood where cows blood is… Look, I’m not too comfortable with this conversation” Angel appealed to her, hoping she would stop talking and asking questions.

“Don’t be embarrassed Angel, come on spill the juicy stuff” she urged, “What’s the difference between pigs blood and human? Besides the obvious I mean”

“If I tell you, will you leave me alone?”

“Sure” she lied easily.

“Human blood is rich, warm, sticky and coppery and pigs blood is not as sweet. Happy now?” Angel hoped, he wanted to get home all this talk of food made him hungry.

Cordelia paused by his car, distracted by it for a moment and then thought about a cheesy programme she used to watch when she was a kid. “This your car?” she asked, startling Angel with the sudden change in conversation.

“Yeah, it’s a Plymou…” the vampire began.

“Plymouth 69 convertible, I know” Cordelia finished his sentence for him “It reminds me of the Kit car”

“Kit?” once again, he was confused.

“You don’t know about Kit?” she asked in shocked surprise “Every living person on the planet knows who Kit is”

“I’m not a living person Cordelia” Angel corrected her.

“Pfft” she waved his words away “That’s just semantics, Kit was a talking car who belonged to Michael Knight and you’re just like him in a sense”

“Michael Knight?”

“Totally” she confirmed, “You drive around in a black car, okay it doesn’t talk, but you save people and stuff. You are so Michael Knight. Anyway, is there a difference between human blood types?”

Trying to keep up with her rapid subject changes, Angel’s hand paused on the drivers’ door and looked at her in extreme annoyance. “This isn’t something I want to talk about” he told her gruffly.

“But I do, it’s only a few simple questions” Cordelia pointed out, her lower lip popping out in a little pout and hands going behind her back. “You wouldn’t want me to go out and find a dangerous vampire to ask would you? What would happen if they decided to show me the answers to my questions? I’d be dead, and you would have my blood on your conscious while my ghost would haunt you for eternity”

“Oh the torture” Angel muttered and sat in the drivers seat, preparing to start his car, a movement to the left of him caused him to look at Cordelia now sitting in the passenger seat. “What are you doing now?”

“Coming with you” she answered easily, “I’m not letting you off the hook so easily, I got questions and I want answers”

“Won’t your parents be wondering where you are?” he asked lightly, hoping she would take her questions and go away.

“They aren’t home, they’re in Paris or somewhere in the European continent they won’t be home until next month” she replied a little too easily. Cordelia brightened “You’ve probably been around the block more than a few times, have you ever been to Europe?”

Yes Cordelia, I was there for ten years while destroying half of the population before getting cursed with a soul he thought bitterly. “I was there for a little while, didn’t stay in Paris long”

“Wow, I love the Eiffel tower, you can see for miles up at the top” she told him wistfully before going back to the original subject of blood. “And you haven’t answered my question” she reminded him.

“What was the question?” Angle asked, having got caught up in memories of his killing days he had totally forgotten what she had asked.

“Are there differences in human blood types, I’m O pos would I taste different to some who is AB Neg?” Cordelia asked all too interestedly for his liking.

“Why are you so interested?” he asked without answering, thoughts started forming inside his head and they weren’t good. What if she was thinking about becoming a vampire’s donor? It wasn’t unheard of for humans to do that, a vampire bite can be pleasurable and also addictive. Now he had images of Cordelia shoving her wrist into a vampire’s face, demanding he drink.

That image led to Cordelia shoving her wrist into his face, demanding he drink and that image suddenly turned to him denying her wrist and drinking from her neck. Angel was lost, he would take her blood then lick the trail down to her breasts and bite her there…

“Angel? Hellooo?” Cordelia snapped her fingers in front of his face, bringing him back from his fantasies. “I’m talking here. God, even the undead are so male I swear I’d pay half my life savings to meet a guy to talk to me and not my breasts” she crossed her arms over her well-developed chest to hide from his heated gaze.

Cursing inwardly, Angel shook his head a little and returned his eyes to hers, “Sorry, I got distracted…” he began to explain about his distraction when Cordelia rolled her eyes at him and relented.

“Alright alright” she sighed, “I get the message okay? I’ll leave you to contemplate your life in peace. I’ll see you around no doubt” she quickly exited the passenger side of the car before Angel could stop her and began the walk to an empty house.

Angel sat there and literally contemplated his life, the silence in and around the car was golden for all of five minutes before he realised that he was going to be surrounded by silence all night. He would be alone in his apartment until the next night when he’d be surrounded by Buffy and her two sidekicks. He listened to the now-distant sound of Cordelia’s heels as she hurried away from him, he didn’t mean to scare the girl away, she hadn’t done anything wrong and he’d treated her like an annoying pet.

The car rumbled to life as Angel carefully drove away from the sidewalk and followed her footsteps, hoping to find her so he could apologise for his rude behaviour. The vampire saw the teenager in question walking by herself with the first real emotion he had ever seen across her pretty face. She was just screaming to be attacked.

Moving his car up alongside her, Angel slowed the car down to a crawl “Cordelia, get in” he told her.

“No thanks, I wouldn’t want to distract you” she replied haughtily, the emotion quickly replaced by an icy exterior.

“I didn’t mean it like that” he told her, “I’m sorry, please just get in so I can take you home safely. You’ll be attacked if you get seen dressed like that” his words made no impact on her at all. Angel tightened his mouth into a tense line of frustration at her stubbornness, “You’ll ruin your shoes” he blurted out.

The look she gave him was enough to put him in a deep freeze for a lifetime or two and he mentally searched for inspiration on how to get her into his car, Cordelia gave him a sly look before she spoke.

“You’re not gonna ask me if I want to go see some puppies are you?”

“Puppies?” she lost him immediately.

“A strange guy pulls up to a strange girl and the first thing he asks her is does she want to see some puppies. It’s a classic way to kidnap somebody” Cordelia explained as if he was stupid or dense.

“I’m not going to kidnap you and I’m not a stranger” Angel told her, getting more and more frustrated with her, why wasn’t she getting into his car? “Are you going to get in or what?”

“Are you going to be nice to me?” she asked and stopped walking.

“Yes, I’ll be nice and I won’t stare at your, uh” he gestured to her chest.

Taking a deep breath, Cordelia looked at him trying to judge if he was just humouring her before hopping into the backseat and following through with jumping into the front seat next to him. “Great, where were we?” she asked straight away.

Angel increased the speed of the car and began to drive, not intending on going anywhere specific, he just drove where he wanted. Something he hadn’t done in a long time. “I think you asked me about the differences between blood types” he replied.

“Oh right. So what are they?”

“O pos is sweet but not too sweet, sort of like a medium red wine while AB neg is a little thicker in consistency but it’s just as sweet as O pos” Angel replied and turned a corner.

“Wow” Cordelia studied her wrist intently, “Does blood taste better if the victim is on a health kick? Like if they eat a ton of green stuff and take iron?”

By now, Angel just decided to go with the flow. “It does, but then vampires make a point of not drinking from an unhealthy human”

“Were you always a cuddly care bear with fangs?” Cordelia asked, twisting round so she could look directly at him.

His body tensed visibly, hands gripped the steering wheel and eyes turned pained, “I’ll answer your questions but can we not talk about my past?”

“Okay, it must be painful if you really don’t want to talk about it” she replied ruefully, relenting on that subject.

Oh it was painful, but that pain belonged to people other than me Angel thought. “Why so interested?”

“No reason really” she replied easily “Just curious, I mean there’s this whole other world I know nothing about and here I have a chance to learn about it. Sure vampires are all big and scary, but after being told my whole life that Big Scaries don’t exist, I find myself in a car with one”

Realising the way her words sounded, Cordelia quickly went to apologise to the vampire “I didn’t mean it like that Angel, I was just…”

“It’s okay, I gathered you didn’t mean it the way it sounded” Angel quickly waved her apology aside, “Really, you have no reason to apologise”

“But I do, I’ve just called you a Big Scary thing and I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. So I’m sorry I hurt your feelings Angel”

“Thanks” he responded, “You’re really curious aren’t you?” he realised suddenly.

“Hell yeah!” Cordelia exclaimed with enthusiasm that made her seem like a little kid at Christmas. “Like I said, I’ve grown up thinking that fairy stories about vampires aren’t real and it’s like major WOWness you know! It’s like being told that pots of gold really do exist at the end of rainbows or something”

He laughed a little at her child-like outburst, “Leprechauns carry the gold” he told her and watched as she threw her head back, laughing delightedly. His need to be alone was barely there anymore, he found himself wanting to tell her about everything just see how she would react. He wanted to tell her about his past and wanted to see if she would still be this way around him.

“Leprechauns really exist?” Cordelia asked, her eyes alight with sheer excitement and undulated joy, “I’d love to see one and maybe run off with their gold!”

“I don’t think you would, they’re vicious things that bite when you get too close” Angel told her, he turned the car round a corner and raised an eyebrow when salt drifted into the air.

“Like vampires” she said more to herself, “Cool…” the girl eyed with a sudden realisation of something. “How do you know Leprechauns bite when you get too close?”

“I tried to run off with gold” he confessed, not looking at her when she started to laugh again this time at his expense. “The damn thing bit me on my ankle, it hurt for days”

“Serves you right!” Cordelia expressed, “The least you could have done is asked nicely, then run off with the gold”

“It might have worked, maybe I’ll try it one day” Angel agreed, feeling another smile crack his face. “I never thought you’d be like this” he confessed to her.

“Like what?”

“You know what I mean, you’re nothing like what the others say”

“What do the others say exactly?” Cordelia asked with raised eyebrows, “Let me guess, shallow and something that rhymes with rich?”

“Something like that, but you’re not” Angel pointed out, “You’ve surprised me Cordelia Chase, you really have. I did believe you were how they said and I shouldn’t have judged you, for that I need to apologise. I’m sorry I judged you when I had no reason to”

“That’s okay, not like they have any reason to believe otherwise is it?” she pointed out realistically, “I know how I am around them, but that’s what they expect of me and I can’t help but live up to that. I’ve spent so long being like that around them that they don’t expect anything less”

“But why? They’d love you if they saw you like this” Angel replied then sucked in a breath when he realised how his words sounded, but Cordelia didn’t seem to notice.

“Nah, if they saw me like this they just think I wanted something from them” she responded with a smile that told him she accepted the way things were for her. “But on a lighter note of conversation, we’ve hit the coastal road you know?”

“I know” Angel responded, “It’s been so long since I went for a drive, doing just that. Driving, with no purpose of going anywhere”

“It’s nice isn’t it? Just being able to relax and let the mood take you away” Cordelia commented, just then she realised the cat ears were still on the top of her head. Blushing furiously, she reached up and felt the velvet ears “Oh God, how embarrassing” she laughed taking off the ears.

“They looked…furry” Angel said to her, glancing at how her entire appearance seemed to change as she took off the ears. Her smile grew larger and her eyes brightened, her mood was intoxicating and contagious, finding himself smiling at her the vampire shook his head and returned his gaze back to the road.

“What?” Cordelia demanded with another big smile.

“You, you’re just…” he made a gesture with a hand.

“I’ll take that as a compliment” she let him off the hook. Settling back into the passenger seat, Cordelia leaned her elbow on the window, sighing with bliss as the wind brushed her hair off her face and the companionable silence between relaxing her more so.

“You like music?” Angel asked suddenly as he decreased the speed to take a small curve in the road.

“What do you have?” she inquired immediately.

“Um, you’ll have to look in the glove compartment or I could put the radio on” he replied, he wanted to know what music he had as much as she did.

Leaning forward a little, Cordelia rummaged around the glove compartment and took a handful of tapes and CDs. Going through them, she told him what was there “You have some Beethoven, I love Moonlight Sonata, that’s so good to listen to though my favourite is Fur Elise” she explained to his surprise.

“I would never picture you as liking that kind of music Cordy… C-can I call you that?”

“Yeah, it sounds nice when you say it” she replied shyly, “I like all kindsa music, especially Frank Sinatra. Daddy made sure I grew up on the ‘golden oldies'”

“Do I have that?” Angel asked, he agreed with her father “Frank Sinatra is great, I saw him perform in Las Vegas once”

“Really?” Cordelia asked, “Don’t tell Daddy, he’d get all jealous and stuff. Can I put it on?”


“Great” slipping the CD into the player, Cordelia kept the volume low so they could continue their conversation. The music floated out quietly, adding to their peace and relaxation as they enjoyed a simple drive along the coast. “So, back to vampires”

“You have more questions?” Angel asked, not really sure why he was surprised by this but he never pictured she would be as curious as she was.

“Yup! I know you people have all this super duper kick ass strength and everything, but do you have other super duper stuff?”

“All vampires have heightened senses, we can see and hear better, we have a heightened sense of smell…” he began and got cut off.

“I can’t even imagine some of the stuff you can smell” Cordelia shuddered as her imagination ran wild, “It’s bad enough being around a bunch of guys after a game, it smells bad to me so God only knows how stale body odor would smell like to you. Ew”

“I don’t really want to know” he agreed, wrinkling his nose up a move which caused her to laugh a little. “What?” Angel asked when she laughed, the sound was warm, light and silvery and he found himself responding to it with a small laugh of his own.

Repeating his earlier words, Cordelia gave him a sly look “You, you’re just…” she mimicked his hand gesture and gave him no details.

“I get that” he told her, noticing the time on the clock he was amazed to find that sunrise was only a few hours away, they had been driving all night.

“Wow, is that the time?” she exclaimed, just as surprised as he was “There is no way I’m getting up for school tomorrow. I’m gonna be so dead on my feet”

“I better get us home before the sun rises, I don’t think a ball dust will be able to drive you home” Angel joked, easily turning the car round and heading back in the direction of Sunnydale.

“A ball of dust wouldn’t prevent me from taking possession of this car either” Cordelia commented wickedly.

“No, but my ghost would haunt you for eternity” he deadpanned, making them both laugh. Looking at her, the vampire noticed her yawning a little and her hazel eyes fighting to stay open. Why hadn’t he noticed her eyes were hazel before? They had flecks of green and gold that highlighted them to the color of melted toffee. “You can use me as a pillow, I’ll wake you up when I get you home”

“No, I’m supposed to be keeping you company not falling asleep on you, besides no girl ever fell asleep on Michael Knight”

“He was the guy who had Kit, right?” just making sure he was on the right track with her conversation.

“Yeah, Kit was the talking car and everybody wanted a Kit, I woulda been happy with Michael!” Cordelia said suggestively. “Though Kit would’ve been a big bonus”

Angel simply smiled at her suggestive leer and wiggling eyebrows, “You have a dirty mind, don’t you?”

“You have no idea Angel, you have no idea!” she replied, her answer telling him all he needed to know about the way her mind worked sometimes. Hell, it was the same way his own mind worked a lot more than sometimes.

“I may be a vampire Cordy, but I’m a male vampire so believe me when I say I have some idea” he responded with a suggestive, husky whisper to his voice that made her laugh again. “Like the way my mind is working right now”

“Yeah?” she asked, leaning over and resting her head on his shoulder, “Should I be worried about being in a car with a dirty-minded, middle-aged vampire?” she teased, looking up at him through thick eyelashes and sporting a teasing pout that plumped out her lower lip.

“Cordy, just go to sleep and I’ll wake you when we get to your place” Angel replied, choosing to avoid her question on purpose, knowing the curiosity alone would drive her nuts. Instead of her bugging him, he felt her snuggle into his shoulder and smooth her cheek over the leather of his jacket before her breathing evened out, signalling she had drifted into sleep.

The drive back was peaceful, Frank was now singing about a girl in Portland who he used to court, the vampire glanced down at the sleeping girl on his shoulder her face serene and peaceful. Shifting his arm as lightly as he could, Angel curled it around her side and tugged her closer to him. “Cordy” her name rolled off his tongue like a sweet caress, “Cordy” he said again before smiling and accepting the girl in his arm.

It wasn’t long before he arrived at Cordelia’s house, once again he looked down at her serene expression and debated on whether or not to wake her. Angel shook her gently, “Cordy, you’re home. Wake up”


“You’re home, come on wake up. Invite me in and I’ll get you inside” he whispered to her quietly, easing both his arms around her smaller body, cradling her in his protective embrace.

“Um-hmm, invitation given. Happy hometime, um-hmm” Cordelia muttered sleepily, wrapping her arms around his neck limply, nuzzling his jacket. “You staying?”


“Guest room, dust can’t drive, you’d float away in the breeze and then no Angel”

“If that’s alright” Angel easily moved to the front door and wonder how he was going to get in without a key. “I need a key, I can’t get in without breaking down the door”

An annoyed sigh came from the now half asleep girl, “Okay” Cordelia sighed, waking up a little more “Put me down, I’ll get us in” she quickly found herself settled firmly on the floor, hands still holding her waist. Angel watched as she reached inside her top and between her cleavage, pulling out her house key. “No purse” she explained.

The vampire shook his head again, “You’re resourceful aren’t you?” he asked in amusement.

“Yep, I was a girl scout” she stated proudly and led him inside her house, “Welcome, make yourself at home, you can use anything you like. I’m tired so I’m just gonna go to bed”

“Thanks and go, get some rest. Where’s the guest room?” Angel asked as he started yawning too, stretching his arms out, he relished the way his muscles expanded and contracted with the movement.

“Right next door to mine, I hope it’s okay for you. If you need anything, just pick up the telecom and buzz the button that says C” Cordelia explained, then at his look of astonishment she explained the reason why. “When Harmony and I had sleepovers, it was easier than getting out of bed and meeting in the hallway”

“Oh, right” he replied, shaking off the image of Cordelia in bed. Watching her though now heavy-lidded chocolate eyes, Angel followed her through the hallway past the living room up the spiral staircase and down the second floor hallway. He couldn’t help but think he’d like to have a spiral staircase someday, they were fun.

Pausing outside her room, Cordelia stood awkwardly and sleepily “Well, I’ve had a good time tonight Angel, thanks for putting up with me and thanks for bringing me home safely”

“I enjoyed your company Cordy, besides isn’t that what Michael Knight would do? See a girl home safely?” Angel asked with a half smile.

“Of course, how could I forget?” she teased, turning the handle of her door she paused in the doorway again. “Goodnight Michael, see you when I wake up. Sleep tight, if you find any bed bugs, feel free to growl at em!”

“I don’t growl” Angel growled at her before winking playfully at her, “Goodnight Cordelia, and thank you”

“No, thank you Angel. Goodnight” she replied softly and closed her bedroom door.

Touching the heavy oak, the vampire could feel her on the other side of the door, standing there and catching her breath as the whole surprising night caught up with her. Angel was just as surprised, he’d enjoyed every minute of tonight if he was honest and he’d like to spend more time with the beautiful brunette.

Tomorrow was another day, so who knew what would happen?

The End


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