Title: Blessing of the Son
Content: C/A, B/X, S/F
Summary:My Valentine Fic!- “Read the God damn thing will ya!
Spoilers: None- AU
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: AO, Cal, Lil, Lio n Sara’s place.
Notes: The Challenge…A/C, B/X, S/Fa, Some B/A and Willow/Cordy/Faith Friendship
The Calling Blessing of a Child.Angel and Cordy have a Son but Angel doesn’t know Because Cordy left, The child has a strong Irish name. *Have Cordy come back Four of Five years later. *BTVS/Angel Cross over. *Cordy’s POV but can change to Angel’s or Buffy’s. *Dark Fic, Happy Ending. Angelus was the one that Got Cordy Pregant. Track 9 of Limp Bisket Album
Thanks/Dedication:Happy Valentine’s Day Sage! I didn’t do the POV part of challenge cus I suck at POV’s, hope you enjoy anyways. *Hugs*
Glancing in the rear view mirror, Cordelia checked to see if was okay to switch lanes in order to take the highway exit that led to Sunnydale. Though she hated driving at night, it was a necessity in order to reach the Hellmouth well before dawn so as not to put her son in any unnecessary danger or discomfort.
Quickly taking her eyes off the road ahead, the young mother flickered her eyes to her son sleeping on the backseat and covered by a heavy blanket needed to block out the light.
Despite his special condition, Cordelia loved that child more than anything or anyone in the world, he was her life and world and she wouldn’t have it any other way. It had been hard at first, caring for him and providing him a safe environment for him to live as normal a life as possible.
But now, after doing it for so long, it was like breathing, a second nature to protect her baby. The bond between Connor and herself was stronger than that between mother and child due to the amount of caring she gave and received in return.
For a five year old with a special condition like his, Connor was one of the happiest little boys she knew. Even though he got down in the dumps sometimes because he couldn’t go out and play with other children his age. It wasn’t his condition that was the problem, it was the frustration that it caused him to feel.
He got frustrated when daylight broke and he had to be in the dark. He got frustrated when he was told he couldn’t do certain things like go to the park or go swimming and other normal kid stuff.
When he got like that, it hurt Cordelia more because she blamed herself for him not being to do any of that. She blamed herself for the weakness she felt at the hands of his father, she blamed herself for not saying no to him though he gave her the opportunity and she blamed herself for running away. If there was anybody on this planet who could have helped Connor in anyway, it was them.
Shaking off her reverie, the brunette slowed the car down to take the corner at a safer speed and used the momentary pause to check on her son once more. The passing traffic hadn’t woke him up thank God, Cordelia wasn’t sure if she would be able to handle a five year old bouncing around in the back pretending to be Zorro.
An amused smile flickered across her defined features as she congratulated herself yet again on the idea of buying him super hero outfits that kept his skin free of the light and made him feel good about himself.
Sadly, Connor sometimes took the hero thing a bit too far and made a point to defend her honour against harmless and helpless little insects. She had grown used to mopping and scraping up squished bodies of spiders, however it never made the task any less disgusting. The thoughts of her baby boy’s actions had given welcome relief from the thoughts and memories Sunnydale conjured up.
It was all too easy to give in and let those thoughts take her back to a time and place where her life had been just that.
With no-one else dependant on her for survival and no-one else to worry about. Now it so very different, with Connor and the caring he needed, Cordelia found thinking of her old life gave her nothing but bittersweet erotic memories belonging to someone other than her.
The ex-cheerleader didn’t even know if Connor’s father was still in Sunnydale, if he had left or if Buffy had been able to dust him. She didn’t know what she was going to say to him if he was, Cordelia hadn’t thought that far ahead.
The only thought she’s had was getting to her hometown before day break and the light that would hurt her son.
These past five years had seemed like an eternity to her, trying to hold down a job that coincided with her motherly duties and Connor’s extra caring. Unfortunately for Cordelia, the usual working hours were during the day and that was when her son needed her the most and she finally realised she couldn’t do this by herself. That was the reason she was going back, not because she wanted to see his father.
Soon, she passed a green sign that stated ‘Welcome To Sunnydale’ in big, curly white writing. “Home Sweet Hell” Cordelia said quietly as she repressed the urge to knock down the sign, turn the car around and go back to Canada.
After taking all her things into the little house she’d been able to afford renting with the remaining trust fund set up by her grandmother, Cordelia went to the task of waking Connor in order to get him inside. Dawn was only an hour and a half away, that didn’t leave much time to get him inside and get him settled before the sun hit.
“Connor, c’mon buddy” Cordelia whispered to the sleeping boy on the back seat as she moved the heavy blanket away from his face. Stroking the floppy, dark hair away from his sleepily blinking brown eyes, she smiled lovingly down at him and shook him a little more. “We’re here now, time to get inside”
“M’tired mom, can’t you carry me?” Connor mumbled in annoyance of being woke up before he was ready. Off his mother’s stern glance, the five year old made a whining sound and pushed himself into a sitting position and glared at her.
When he glared like that, he reminded her so much of his father. His brown eyes would darken to a shade of black, his mouth would set into a tight line and his forehead would crinkle with the beginnings of a scowl. Despite the heart rending memories her son’s looks gave her, Cordelia couldn’t help the huge smile that crossed her face every time Connor scowled at her.
Offhandedly, the young mother thought of how his father would react when faced with what she called a Connor-Scowl.
“You’re too heavy for little old me to carry, would you want to be the cause of your poor mother’s bad back?” Cordelia asked in mock sadness as she prodded her son’s side and watched him squirm from the tickling finger. “C’mon scrat, we gotta hurry”
“Aw alright, but can I have some hot chocolate? I’ve been real good and watched out for spiders and everything” Connor nodded fiercely, desperately showing he deserved some hot chocolate before he was put into lock-down.
His mom said that lock-down was necessary to stop the bad guys from finding out his secret identity, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew it was to keep him safe from the light that would hurt him but it made his mom feel better and so he would go along with it because he loved his mom.
“Connor sweetie, you’ve been asleep” Cordelia stated with a raised eyebrow. “A giant tarantula could have ate me and you would never have known until you woke up and I was a big mess of web”
“That’s not true mom!” Connor defended with another scowl, “I would have known when the car stopped driving silly” like he said, he wasn’t stupid.
“How do you know the car can’t drive itself huh? Herbie can do that”
“Mom, I’m five. Not stupid. Herbie is a funny shaped car with 53 on it and this is a car that has no numbers”
Cordelia laughed out loud at the way his mind worked. Her hazel eyes twinkled with pride and merriment as she looked at his face peeking out from the blanket he’d tented around his head. Impulsively leaning forward, she planted a big, wet smooch on the visible skin of his pale cheeks and laughed at his disgusted expression as he wiped his cheek with the back of a gloved hand.
“That’s gross!” Connor scowled deeply, looking more like his father than ever before, “I’m too old for Mom-Kisses”
“You’ll never be too old for Mom-kisses, you’ll always be my baby. Now, get your butt outta this car buddy or you’ll have Evil-Mom-Kisses to be afraid of”
“I’m going! I’m going!” the five year old’s energy seemed suddenly revitalized as the blanket was discarded, revealing his Zorro outfit, and he bounced on his butt towards the other side of the car and got out. Brandishing the toy fencing sword off the floor of the car, Connor struck a hero-like pose and looked around for any eight-legged dangers. “Fear not mom, I shall defend thee from creepy crawlies”
With slightly saddened but proud eyes, Cordelia watched as her son ran straight towards the little house and paused at the front door so he could peek around the corner making sure the place was in total darkness before he entered, yelling the coast was clear over his cloaked shoulder.
It didn’t take the brunette long to lock up the car and soon followed the five year old into the house, prepared to make him the hot chocolate he wanted.
She spent the last five years living off a very tight budget, she spent most of her life in near total darkness and she lived in a two bed roomed house with soon-to-be bordered up windows and not forgetting her Zorro shaped five year old son. This was most definitely not the life 22 year old women should have but, for Cordelia Chase, this was as near to perfect as she had ever been.
The last of the sun’s rays had gone at around 8 pm, leaving outside safe enough for them to go out to get some basic groceries. The milk Cordelia had bought at a service station last night had already gone off as had the bread.
With only powdered soups and canned stuff, she didn’t have much in the way of decent food. Now that they were living in a place known for it’s vampire population, she wasn’t sure how she was going to manage shopping and taking care of Connor’s outdoor needs.
Sometimes if she knew she wasn’t going to be long, Cordelia would leave her son in the car while she ran in and out in the space of a few minutes, but that couldn’t be done in Sunnydale. Not with the heightened threat of vampires attacking Connor without her to protect him.
Making sure he was covered by a thick, dark heavy cape with ‘Batman’ written on the back, she stared into his deep brown and twinkling gaze. It seemed so strange that a five year old would think of grocery shopping as a trip out but then, he’d never experiences a real trip out with other children before.
The old phrase was true in Connor’s case, he didn’t miss what he never had so to speak and that was something she could be glad for.
Never having something was better than having it only for it to be taken from you, things like that had been known to cause people to have breakdowns and drive them to suicide. Cordelia vowed that would never happen to Connor and especially not herself, she didn’t trust anyone other than herself to give him 110% care.
There had been his old nanny, Alicia, who had babysat for her in Montreal, that girl had been nothing short of a Godsend.
Sadly, when her college workload had increased, Alicia didn’t have the time she did before. Though the 19 year old had helped out whenever she could, she hadn’t been able to give her time as freely as she had. That had been the deciding factor in the decision for to return to Sunnydale, there were people Cordelia knew here and people that could possibly help with Connor’s condition.
“Mom, can I get some sweets please?”
The little magic word brought another proud smile to Cordelia’s face as she swiped a long lock of chestnut hair out of her eyes, he was such a polite little boy, always said please, thank you and may I. Of course, he only said those words when he really wanted something.
“Only if you promise to eat all your dinner and promise not to complain when you put your special cream on” she stated in a firm, unwavering motherly tone that brooked no arguments from her son.
“But my cream is cold and it smells real bad” Connor complained before faced with putting it on, off his mother’s resolved expression he caved. “Aw alright mom, promise” he grumbled, “Does that mean you’ll get me some sweets?”
“Alright but not too many” it never ceased to amaze her how well she had taken to parenthood, maybe that was because her own parents had chosen to give her money instead of love. The money had been good for a while, allowing Cordelia the luxury of buying whatever she wanted when she wanted but when it came to things like her birthday or Christmas even, it seemed her mom and dad never had any time to spend with her.
She vowed Connor would never feel ignored or feel like she was never there for him, he was all she had and vice versa.
“YAY!” Connor punched his little fist high into the air at the news he was going to get some sweets and then decided to try and push his luck with his mother’s generous attitude. “Can I have a big cake with chocolate sauce and ice cream for later too?” he was almost hopping on the spot with anticipation of a possible yes to his question.
“No” Cordelia knew when to say no, if she didn’t then the little monster would walk all over her. She had learned that lesson the hard way when her desire to give him what he wanted had left her son in hospital after he fell and landed in a patch of sunlight when he was three.
“Connor, I said no okay. You’ll either have a few sweets or you won’t get anything” Cordelia stopped his pleaded with a very stern warning. “Am I understood?” she raised her eyebrow elegantly and waited for his affirmation which she got in the way of a childish pout. “Now you remember what I told you?” it was important he remembered this anyway but here, in Sunnydale, your life depended on it.
Understanding the difference in her tone and posture, Connor immediately responded in the best big boy voice he could gather. “Never talk to strangers, never invite strange people into the house or into the car and always ask who it is before answering the door”
“Good boy” Cordelia threw her arms around his neck and shoulders, engulfing the small boy in a bear hug before dropping a kiss on the hood of his cloak that covered his head. “Now let’s make a run for it before those spiders see me, I’m counting on you to protect me”
Avoiding the streetlights with usual careful steps, both Connor and Cordelia gulped in a breath when they stood at the entrance to the grocery store and the artificial light that had the whole place lit up like a extravagant Christmas tree.
“Mom” he tugged on the sleeve of her shirt, “I’m scared”
The rush of heart brake caused her chest to ache deeply as she took her son’s hand in hers, “Don’t be baby” Cordelia soothed, not daring to look at him in case the tears glistening on her eyelashes fell. “Come on, it’ll be okay. I promise”
God, the fear in his sweet voice was enough to make one solitary tear fall down her cheek before she angrily wiped it away. She’d checked and double checked his protecting cloak and made sure his face was hidden by the thickened mask. She wanted to demand why he didn’t trust her to keep him safe but was scared in case Connor replied he blamed her.
Instead, the brunette nodded her answer and gripped his small hand tighter in hers. “Come on, there’s nothing to be afraid of baby. I promise you”
“Okay, I trust you”
It took what willpower she had left not to pick him up and hold on to him forever, never to let the brave little boy go. Cordelia blessed every single God and Goddess listening for giving her such an amazing, wonderful child. Connor Chase was the best thing that ever happened to her and no matter how hard it maybe to care for him, she would never change him for the universe.
“Then let’s go pal, your sweets await” with renewed vigor, they slowly edged through the automatic doors and into the grocery shop, ignoring the glances people threw their way because of Connor’s clothing.
The drive home was filled with music from the car radio and sounds of sweet packets rustling as both Cordelia and Connor pigged on chips, chocolate and jelly sweets. Though she had been firm in her words of dinner before treats, their shopping trip had turned into a fun-filled outing when the five year old had began poking fun at the dried pasta.
After almost being kicked out of the store, they had promised to be good and finished getting what they needed while quietly sniggering under their breath.
“I spy” Connor began as his dark brown eyes narrowed to search for something his mom would never get. “Something beginning with…. S” she would never get that, he thought smugly. He could be so clever when he wanted to be.
“Shoe” Cordelia immediately answered after swallowing a chunk of her chocolate bar.
It took the little boy a second or two too catch on she had replaced the first letter of his name with an ‘S’ “Mom!”
He was so good at this game when he put his mind to it, he could see things far more clearly than she would ever be able too and she cursed his father for making her lose every single game of eye spy she’d ever had with Connor. Seriously concentrating now, Cordelia looked around the car as much as she could without taking her eyes off the road ahead. “Ah-ha! Sweets”
“Cold” Connor simply stated with a smug grin, she would never get it.
“Damn!” the brunette swore under her breath as she slowed the car down to turn onto a street, not wanting their drive to end so quickly Cordelia had decided on taking a detour so that Connor could have more time out of the house. “Singing?” she asked with a hapless smile, for the life of her she couldn’t think of what he had spied.
“You can’t see singing” the five year old took great pleasure at the increasingly frustrated scowl on his mother’s face.
“Alright!” Cordelia growled in annoyance, “I give up, what has your beady little eye spied this time?”
Connor grinned in boyish pride and childish joy as he revealed the answer “Shadows!”
“You think you’re such a wise guy, don’t you?” Cordelia asked airily as she pulled the car over to the side of the street between two streetlights and killed the engine. “Well, would such a wise guy be so… Ticklish?” she snapped off her seat belt and dove for the little boy in the passenger seat where she proceeded to make him squeal as she poked and prodded his sides.
Connor squirmed, wiggled and laughed until he was breathless and tears were falling from his eyes to wet the facial covering around his chin. After a short while of indulging in a little play time, Cordelia finally pulled away from her hiccupping son and set about returning her now bedraggled appearance to as neat and tidy as she could.
Still letting out the occasional laugh and hiccup, Connor began to take an interest in the street they were parked in and noticed a little shop with a nice, soft light glowing from the window.
The light illuminated strange things sitting on display and he leaned to the small window of the car, pressed his face to it and tried to get a closer look at the weird things. “Mom, why are there eyes in that jar in the window?”
“What?” the brunette turned to peer out of the passenger side window to where her son was looking, “Ew, that’s gross” she exclaimed in horror, “I think it’s an occult shop that sells special things witches and warlocks and wizards use in spells and potions”
Her voice dropped to an eerie whisper as she scrunched her fingers together to make claws. “They use those spells and potions to make little boys and girls all fat so they can eat them up for dinner…!”
Connor did not look in the least bit scared or impressed at his mom’s version of scary speaking, “Mom, witches and warlocks and wizards don’t exist silly. And if they did, they would eats moms, not the kids” he sounded so sure in his answer that Cordelia had to laugh.
“Why would they eat moms?”
“Because they give Evil-Mom-Kisses and make us kids go to bed when we don’t want too”
A small sign in the window had caught the young mother’s attention and her son’s reply went unheard as she looked more closely at the sign. “Help wanted, apply within” she murmured.
“Is that for a job?”
“Yes baby, put your mask back on and we’ll go inside because it looks like they’re still open”
Despite the fact he would need the special covering, Connor was happy just to be able to get out of the car to stretch his legs. He was allowed to play in the backyard in his new home late at night but only if his mom felt it was safe.
Like back in Montreal, his mom and ‘Licia had often taken him to the park at night so he could play about on the swings and slide, but he was only able to do that because the streetlights were only on the paths.
Tugging the mask completely over his face, the little boy then clicked his seat belt loose and waited for his mom to open his door. Even when he was with her she had in no uncertain terms was he allowed to get out of the car before she did.
Soon, the passenger door was opened and Connor slid off his seat, his trainers making a light sound when he connected with the concrete, “Come on, just like the grocery store baby” Cordelia assured her son evenly. “This is a little fish compared to that, right?”
“I’m not afraid anymore mom, you promised I’d be alright and I am. I trust you”
“That’s my boy, let’s go”