To be Alive or to Live.14-End

Chapter fourteen

Angel stood outside Cordelia’s apartment. His internal debate hadn’t lasted that long after Wesley stormed out.

Angel did know that Wesley wouldn’t advocate such a risky option, if he didn’t believe it to be the only way. Angel trusted Wesley and he would trust him now. Lorne may be a link to the Powers, but Wesley was…Wesley.

So, Angel had literally snuck out of the hotel. He didn’t want to talk anymore about it. Angel just wanted it done. One way or another Wesley would know the results of Angel’s decision. But now, standing outside of Cordelia’s he was afraid. Not that Wesley was wrong, but that Angel couldn’t do what was necessary. Angel loved Cordelia and trusted her that wasn’t the problem.

Cordelia over the last couple of years had so intertwined herself into his life that he had no choice but to love and trust her. It was Cordelia that Angel turned to when he needed an anchor; she was the one that he told about Kathy, his father, Angelus, even Darla. She knew all his secrets, all of his mistakes as a man and as a demon, and she still was always there for him. Cordelia never left him. Angel was the one that had left her.

Could she trust him enough, would she believe him? He had both intentionally and unintentionally over the last two years hurt her, betrayed her even. And then there was Buffy. Angel had taken every support, every gesture of love that Cordelia had given to him. He had soaked it up like a desert plant. And then he had gone to Buffy too blind to see what was truly in his heart.

Would Cordelia believe that he gave up his humanity to save her, not out of some egotistical need to be the one to save her, but because human life, any life was nothing without her alive and well. Angel didn’t know if he could make her believe, how could he when Angel didn’t believe he deserved her love or trust.

Angel stared up at the window. He had to believe. Angel went into the building.

Angel stood at the door and waited. He knocked again. “Cordelia. I know you’re in there let me in.”

Cordelia stood in the middle of her living room, her gaze fixed on the door. She could do this. Cordelia opened the door and held it wide.

“Hey, who needs to sleep? Come in.”

Angel strode into the apartment. His watched her intently as she moved away from the door. His eyes held hers for a moment. Angel was the first to look away. A slight tinge of doubt crept through him. Wesley said she had been angry. But the young woman standing before wasn’t angry she wasn’t anything. Angel pushed his doubt aside.

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“You did that already. You want me to be polite for the good of the team. Okay, I’ll be polite. But honestly, Angel how polite is it for you to come here in the wee hours of the morning just to tell me again to be polite. Hmm. I realize of course that you operate on bat time, but I don’t.”

“That’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Goody.” Cordelia sat on the couch. “Don’t just stand there the quicker you speak, the quicker I can go to bed.”

“I think that we need to clear the air.”

“Big job, LA’s a smoggy place.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Actually, I don’t Angel. I can see clearly now the haze is all gone.”


Cordy shrugged. “Look Angel there is nothing to discuss to explain or to figure out. You talked to Lorne. I talked to Lorne.”

“I think there is.”

“Why, so you can feel better?”

“Obviously, you have some pent up feelings about what happened.”

“Obviously, you didn’t listen to Lorne. I don’t need to know or care about what happened. It happened. You became human and went to Buffy. Blondes not being what they once were you decided that you would make the ultimate sacrifice to save me. Tossed your humanity, the love of your life away and for extra good measure reintroduced Angelus to the gang.

But Vision girl, that’s me, saw it, very painful by the way. Spell happened. Welcome back vampire with a soul, my warrior, but not my hero. All in all just another one of your colossal bad judgment calls. I know this, you know this. Therefore, no need for a late night Oprah session. There are no feelings that have to be explored or explained, nothing to be cleared.”

Angel didn’t react as her cold tone washed over him. He concentrated on watching her pulse, listening to her heartbeat, listening to her breath. No change. Wesley may have given him too much credit. Then it happened. It was a slight catch in her breathing, barely there, but it was there. Present when Cordelia casually mentioned his ‘sacrifice’.

But even so, Angel knew that pleas that he loved her weren’t going to accomplish what had to happen. Cordelia had obviously steeled herself against any type of emotional or heartfelt approach. So, he would just have to try another.

Angel stood turning away from her. “Humor me, please. After all, I’m not as good as you are at blocking out my emotions.” There it was again, the catch. Disbelief or anger he couldn’t tell. Angel turned back to her.

Cordelia blinked. “So unburden yourself, then leave.”

Angel nodded his thanks. “My ultimate sacrifice? I guess one could say that.”

“Guess? You guess…” Cordelia quickly clenched her jaw. Angel raised a brow.

“Hurry up, I’m tired.”

“Of course. I could see why you would think that that my becoming human was my ultimate hope or goal. I mean it is a pretty big deal.” Angel stopped. “You wanted to say something?”

“No.” Cordelia tried to maintain her balance.

“Oh, I thought you did. Anyway, that may have been my hope or goal at one time.”

“What?” Shit. Cordelia got up her fists to her sides. “Leave now, Angel.”

“I’m not done, yet.”

“I don’t care.”

“This won’t take much longer. I know you don’t care, but I really think you should ‘not’ care about why I really did what I did, not why you think I did what I did.”

“That makes no sense. Look, Angel, I know why you went vamp again. You thought you could save me from my visions if you became a demon. Com- shuck, anyone.”

“Do you know why I wanted to save you?”

Cordelia turned. “I don’t care.”

“But Cordy, what’s the harm in knowing the whole truth, not just the part you can deal with.”

“I told you I don’t care about any of it.” Angel saw nothing in her face to prove her statement false.

“Yes, you did and it’s pretty obvious that you don’t. So, I guess I won’t bore you any longer.”

“Thank you.”

Cordelia stared at Angel. The vampire hadn’t made any move. “Aren’t you leaving?”

Angel shrugged. “Do you have any blood?”


“Blood, I’m hungry.”

“You’re…”Cordelia closed her eyes. Her breaths were becoming more rapid and her pulse was speeding. Cordelia forced herself not to react. Angel could have no opening.

Calmed she smiled. “I’m sorry, I should have offered; that would have been the polite thing to do. But you see, strangely, I don’t have any blood. It’s seems my last few containers went down the drain. I hadn’t realized until very recently that I would need to restock. It was a waste of perfectly good blood. So, I guess you will just have to go home. Goodbye.” Cordelia went towards the door.

“Right. That was fun wasn’t it watching it go down. So, what about some Tag-a-longs then.”

“Tag-a-longs?” This time Cordelia couldn’t help but gasp out loud.

“Yeah, there were good. Top shelf right.” Angel went into the kitchen.

“You can’t eat them.” Cordelia automatically followed.

“Of course, I can. Vampire’s can eat you know that.”

“You don’t like them.”

Angel smiled as he pulled down the box. “Good. There’s some left.”

“Give me those. I’m not wasting them on you.”

“Really, Cordy, I gave up my humanity for you, the least you could do is give me a cookie.”

“Give me those. I never asked you to do such an asinine thing.”

“No. But all the same, I did it for you.” Angel bit into a cookie. “If I hadn’t realized that I loved you that my life, human or otherwise would not be worth living without you alive and well, then I wouldn’t have done it. Hell, who knows, I could have been human with Buffy without that little Epiphany.” Angel took another bite. “You know it’s weird I think I can taste some peanut butter. Odd.”

Cordelia’s mouth fell, her heart was beating faster, a twinge of something that she had buried deep was starting to surface. “I never asked for your love.” Cordelia pushed at the feeling, driving it back.

“Gee, I thought you had. You know when you forced me to start living, when you cajoled and guilted me into really believing I had a chance to be a part of humanity. When you took my fears, my doubts, my secrets, and made them nothing more than memories of the past. When you gave me your hope, your faith, your smile, and your friendship. When you told me you would stand by me until I reached my redemption, when you accepted me for what I was. I thought all those times you were asking me to love you and to trust you. Wow, how embarrassing. I am a dumbass.” Angel ate the rest of his cookie.

“Get out. Get out.” Cordelia said harshly. She couldn’t listen anymore.

“You know this is really all your fault.”

Cordelia ignored him and left the kitchen.

Angel followed.

“If you had just had sex with Groo in Pylea, he would have had the visions now. Granted, I wouldn’t have early shansued, but considering that only lasted two days tops that wouldn’t have been a big loss. And no Spike as a sire, which would have been a plus. More importantly, at least I wouldn’t have had to worry about you staying alive. It would have worked.”

Cordelia turned and stared. Angel was crazy.

“What, I wouldn’t have minded.”

Cordelia blinked her mouth falling open again.

“Okay, I might have a little. But if it would have gotten rid of the visions, I would have bought the wine and lit the candles.”

“You..You liar.”

“What? I would’ve. Yep. This is all your fault. You should have been the good little princess and did your duty.” Angel waited for her explosion.

He was unprepared for her sudden stillness or the ice in her tone. “I am not anyone’s little princess and I am tired now. Please go. You can do whatever it is you are trying to do tomorrow.”

Angel nonchalantly studied the young woman. Her stance, her reaction triggered his instincts. Cordelia had a crack in her armor.

“Of course you are. You’re Groo’s princess, hell, even Doyle called you his princess. I heard him. When haven’t you been a princess? I bet you were even daddy’s little princess.”

Angel watched as her body slumped and her heart began to race. Fear, Angel smelt fear. He could see it in her posture; in the will it took her to stand straight. Angel’s instincts flared, instincts born from Angelus’ many years of finding and exploiting human frailties and insecurities. Suddenly, he knew. Angelus would have been delighted, Angel just felt sick. He couldn’t do it, but he had to.

“How was it, Cordy? Being Daddy’s little princess?” Angel’s tone was slightly teasing, slightly cruel, and all knowing. “Tell me, when he tucked you in at night, did he read you a story first or did he just touch you.”

Angel watched as the woman he loved crumbled and broke.

“No.” Cordelia dragged herself along the floor, half running, half crawling to the bathroom.

Angel remained motionless as she stumbled past. It wasn’t until he heard her throwing up against the tiles that he fell to his knees. Angel braced himself up, his chest heaving, and his head hanging as he gagged. His mind raced as the rage and guilt overpowered him. Angel had finally identified a monster capable of more destruction than Angelus.

There was no question that Angelus killed men, women, and children. He hadn’t discriminated when it came to feeding. But even Angelus hadn’t gotten his pleasures from torturing, terrorizing, or using children. A child’s fear was too easily invoked their will too easily smashed. There was no fun or skill necessary in destroying the spirit of something so vulnerable.

Angel forced himself to his feet. He pushed aside his rage and guilt, not to ignore but to tuck away in a safe place and place it where he would remember and reach it easily when the time came. Because Angel knew the time would come, he would meet Cordelia’s monster and he would destroy him.

Angel sat on the floor of the bathroom, close to Cordelia but not touching. Cordelia blindly pushed herself up against the wall. She cried for that cold little girl to bring back her stone tablets to help her rebuild. The little girl gave a sad little laugh. It’s too late, she said. I can’t help anymore.

“Cordelia,” Angel said softly.

“Don’t touch me.”

“I won’t. I haven’t moved.”

“Go away.”


“You did this. Why? Why, can’t you leave me alone?” Tears flowed as her words choked on her sobs.

“You know why I can’t. I love you.”

“No. You left me.”

“Yes more than once. And each time, I left the best part of my soul behind. But you always kept it safe for me. Your are my humanity Cordelia. Now let me be your strength. I love you.”

“No. You will leave again.”

“You have to trust me. I love you.”

Cordelia pressed her hands into her eyes, trying to stop the pain. But she had nowhere to put it. It was there eating at her, swallowing her whole.

Trust him, said the first little girl, the innocent one who only knew that life wasn’t fair, but just not why. The one who had had the hope. He’s always come back to you, for you. He’ll just hurt me. Life is risks. I thought it was unfair. That too. The little girl chuckled, her voice becoming older, stronger, and wiser. You know you love him, trust yourself, trust him. Take the risk, for once in your life- live. I’ll die. Now you’re just being stupid, when has he ever not saved you. Come on, give him a chance, give me a chance to live, she whined.

Cordelia dropped her hands. Her options were limited. Die or live. Everyone thinks that dying takes courage, but sometimes-just living takes more. Cordelia didn’t know if she had it. But she would never find out unless she tried.

With a deep sigh and hope, she jumped headlong on to that stage that always had frightened her.

“Your wrong, you know. He never touched me. I don’t know why, but he didn’t. He just gave me away- Daddy’s little princess whore.” Cordelia looked straight into Angel’s eyes and was amazed, she saw everything she ever felt. She saw herself. And she saw love.

“Please let me hold you.” Angel held out his hand.

Cordelia slowly nodded. She grasped his hand and allowed him to pull her into his embrace. Finally feeling whole, Cordelia talked.


Angel rubbed his cheek against Cordelia’s hair. His arms had never wavered in their embrace has he listened. He just held and stroked, giving her his love and strength to continue.

And even now,though, she was asleep, he didn’t think about what she had said. He just wrapped up her words, sadness, and terror and put them in that safe place that housed his rage. All of his thoughts, strength, and love had to be focused on the woman in his arms.

Angel gently got up, cradling Cordelia closer and walked to her bedroom.

“Angel.” Cordelia fluttered her eyes as the sheet covered her body.

“I’m here.”

“Stay.” Her arm grappled out, catching his hand and pulling.

“I wasn’t going anywhere. Now, shh.” Angel sat on the bed and pulled off his shoes. He laid on the bed settling Cordelia beside him. She clutched on to him, burying herself into his body. Cordelia tried to inch closer as Angel’s strong hand caressed along her back and side.

Cordelia was exhausted. She felt like she had just been beaten and her mind was numb. She didn’t know anything anymore, except how she felt with Angel’s arms around her. Safe, loved and alive. She needed more. Cordelia nudged and pressed her body into his. In her heart, she knew that he was already a part of her, inside her. But she had to physically feel it. She wanted there to be no doubt that it was real, she wanted it all.

“Angel.” She nuzzled into his chest, her hands, not gentle but desperate, digging into him.

Angel didn’t doubt or question her need. It was his. He pulled her over him, one hand anchoring Cordelia to his body, the other lifting her lips. This kiss was long and deep. It expressed everything. It told everything. Cordelia pressed harder into his body. She was frustrated, she wanted to merge, and become one, but their clothes, skin and flesh kept them apart.

Together their hands removed all barriers that were possible. Soon, it was nothing but flesh upon flesh. Hands and lips explored and searched frantically for the way to bring the bodies closer. The cry was mutual as the discovery was made. The world silenced and enclosed, as reality became only the two people on the bed. The silence remained until it was shattered by the cries of completion. One cry was indistinguishable from the other for they were the same.


“What time is it?” Cordelia trailed her hand down.

“Do you have somewhere to be?”

“Wesley signs the paychecks, not you.” Cordelia giggled into Angel’s chest. Her giggling stopped and she looked up. “I can laugh.”

“I’ve always liked your humor.”

Cordelia sat up, her hand still on Angel’s chest and her legs still pressed against his. “I can laugh. I remember, I feel, and damn it, it really hurts.” Tears formed in her eyes. “But I can still laugh, how?”

“I’m kind of feeling like laughing too. Of course in a broody way.”

Cordelia blinked. “You’re not mad at me.”

Angel raised a brow and glanced at the disarray of the bed. “Uh, no.”

“I was horrible and…and..”

Angel lifted her chin with a finger. “And..”

“I didn’t stop it.”

Angel smiled as he filed his new burst of rage into that nice safe place and concentrated on the young woman. “Cordy, you were seven. You survived. Not only survived, but became a loving, strong, loyal and funny woman. You couldn’t stop it. But you beat it. You won.”

Cordelia huddled into herself, but she didn’t pull away from Angel’s touch.

“You love me.”

Angel maintained his smile at her childlike questioning tone.


Cordelia couldn’t help it, she laughed. She lunged at Angel covering his body with hers. Angel laid back rejoicing in every tickle and swat she laid on him.

Cordelia leaned up. “It’s not this easy.” She said wistfully.

“No. But it can be done.”

Cordelia curled into the crook of his shoulder. “So how did you know it would work? I know you didn’t just come over for a cookie. Was it a spell? Do I feel this way because of some mumbo jumbo?

“I hope not.”

“And what about the Angelus factor?”

“Gone, it seems.”

“It seems?”

Angel brought Cordelia back gently into his arms. “Wesley said there was no spell or ritual involved.”


Once again, Angel brought Cordelia back into his arms. “He said it was just the baring of two souls and the sharing and rebuilding of them. That’s all. No, spells or anything. And since, no Angelus, then one can assume that the sharing bit took care of him. If he hasn’t shown yet, he isn’t about to, he had a lot of chances.”

Cordelia blushed and smacked at Angel’s roving hands. “Hmmph, so why your soul? Why not some else’s?”

Angel pushed at the young woman, while making sure he didn’t lose touch. “Gee, I don’t know, maybe because you already held mine. Think of the rigmarole if you had to get rid of mine and share with Groo.”

“You were lying. Ah, I knew it.”

“Actually, I wasn’t.” Angel captured Cordelia’s face in his palms. “I…I would do anything or allow anything if that meant you would be safe. Okay, the candles bit may have been a fib. But, I would’ve.”

“Good thing you didn’t know about it in Pylea, then uh. Though, I got a lot of jewels there, pretty cool.”

“Sure, lets ignore everything else, slavery, off with the head type stuff.”

“Hey, why not.”


“Do you know when you say my name like that you sound like a old school marm, or Wesley.”

“You were being funny again weren’t you?”

“I thought you liked my sense of humor.” Cordelia moved a centimeter from Angel’s hold.

“When you’re funny.”

Cordelia stuck her tongue out at him.

“Was that a challenge?” Angel pulled her into his body.

Cordelia’s laugh choked into a gasp.

“Cordy.” Angel clutched at her as she grasped her head.

Angel flinched at her cry. “Cordy.” NO. Fear surged through Angel’s body.

Cordelia kept one hand to her head, the other trying to reassure Angel. “It’s all right.” She winced.


“No, Ouch.” Her hand flailed out. A bottle, glass, and hot washcloth appeared in the air.

“Thank you, Dennis.” She squinted an eye at the bottle. “No. Just aspirin.” In a flash the prescription bottle was gone and Excedrin migraine was in place. “Thank you.” Cordelia popped the top and took two.

Angel stared. He somehow had forgotten about Dennis. The ghost had Cordelia’s visions down pat. Angel stopped his thoughts. It was stupid to get jealous of a ghost, especially one that seemed to cater to Cordelia. He stopped himself again. That thought hadn’t really helped.


Cordelia smiled and nodded. “I’m okay.”


“No, really, it hurts like hell, mind explosion and everything. But I’m okay. No blood in the ears or on the.. well shirt if I was wearing one, no crying, no feeling like my brain is going to melt. I’m okay.”

Angel flinched at her cavalier description of the pain she had endured. “Cordy.”

“No really, Angel. It hurts, like it really sucks, but it’s okay. I can deal.” Cordelia looked at Angel and laughed. “I can deal” She smiled then winced. “Ouch it hurts.”

“Cordy, really?”

“Yeah. Just as soon as the aspirin kicks in. But wow, aspirin. Thank god. Aspirin is so much cheaper than all that other stuff. Do you have any idea how expensive Demerol is?”

Angel blinked; he guessed he believed her. She did almost seem giddy in her pain. “The vision?”

“Blood suckers at a frat party. Open invite. That was real smart, uh. But the party doesn’t start until 9 pm. What time is it?”

“We’ve got time. Cordy are you sure you are all right?”

“Yes. Like I said, no blood in the ear or nose. Good thing, otherwise you might be sucking my nose rather than my neck, uh.”

“Cordy, I..”

“Yes.” Cordelia giggled.

Angel looked at the clock again. He pulled Cordelia under him. “Your nose, while adorable, is not the best place I can think of.” Angel drew Cordelia into his lips.


“I’m not sure that you should have come. You need to rest.”

“And whose fault is that, not mine.” Cordelia said as she pushed her way into the hotel.


“Angel, Cordelia. Cordelia you had a vision.”

Cordelia stopped short. “Hi, yeah. It was okay. Not great, but okay.” She smiled. “It really is okay.” She leaned up and kissed Wesley. “Thank you.”

Wesley blushed and coughed. “Yes, well. Glad to hear it. The vision.”

“Vamps crashing a frat party. You’d think that they could find their own fun. Oh, I guess the drunkin open invite might be considered their fun, uh.”

“I’ve got the address, let’s go.” Angel called pulling his weapons from the cabinet. “What do you think your doing?” He said as Cordelia took a sword from the shelf.

“I’m going with you.”

“No. You’re not.”

“I’m fine.”

“That’s beside the point.”

“I…” Cordelia looked up. Fred was standing over the railing; the woman looked and went back into her room.


“Okay, just like that. What?”

“Angel, go. I’m not planning to sneak out after you. I have something I need to do.” Cordelia looked back up the stairs.

Angel noticed and nodded. “I love you.” He kissed her forehead.

“I love you, now go.”


“Um, Wesley, did I just see Angel kiss Cordelia and did she just smile at him, I mean she didn’t hit him or freeze him first with her cold ‘tude’ and I just missed it.”

“I saw what you saw.”

“Whoa, these 24 hour 360 degree spins have just gotta stop. I mean vamp becoming human, Sorbo of the other universe popping up, human becoming evil vamp, Kenboy leaving, Cordy becoming bitch queen and now this. I don’t think I can take anymore.”

Wesley shrugged. “I think that.” He stopped his response as Angel came up to the door.

“Wes. Thanks.”

“Um, I presume you and Cordelia talked. Next time please tell me, I was somewhat concerned, when I found that you disappeared.”

“Sorry. But I think everything will be fine now. We…um..talked and then she had a vision and it was okay.”

“Just like that. Gratifying.”

“Well sort of like that. But things are okay.”


Cordelia knocked.

“I’m okay, busy, busy, busy. No time.”

“Fred, it’s me Cordelia. Can I come in?”

Fred stalled at her chalkboard. “Busy, Busy, can’t stop.”

Cordelia cringed. Fred sounded like she had regressed. “Please.”

Fred studied her piece of chalk. “Okay, I guess I can take a break.”

Cordelia opened the door. “Thank you.”

Fred stood, twiddling her chalk.

Cordelia looked around and frowned. Writing was back up on the walls. Not much, but some. “Do you need a bigger board?”

Fred looked at the equation filled wall. She shook her head.

“Okay. Um. Fred.” Cordelia bit her lip. “I’m… I just wondered when your next lecture was…you said it was a series.”

“You said…”

“I know what I said. I’m sorry. And while I still think you all speak in mathematical tongues, I want to go to the next one. I may not understand it or particularly like it, but I do want to go. I think it would be kind of cool to see you up there spouting off stuff and actually having people around you that understand.”


“Oh, Fred, I am sorry.”

Fred clutched at her chalk. “Next Wednesday, 6pm.”

Cordelia smiled. “It’s a date, then.”

Fred nodded, still unsure.

“Do you want to come down and order Pizza or we can get that Mexican restaurant to deliver.”

Fred pushed up her glasses. “Not hungry.”

“Oh, okay.”

Fred turned back to her chalkboard.

Cordelia turned to close the door.


“Yes.” Cordelia went back into the room.

“Can you tell me where to get my nails done before then?”

Cordelia beamed. “I can do better than that. Leave it to me. You will not only knock those stuffy old physic heads out with your brains, you’ll get them where it really hurts.”

“I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

Cordelia laughed. “Don’t worry. You will just knock their brains and socks off.”


Cordelia went to the other woman. “It will be fine and fun.” She grasped Fred’s hand. “I promise.”

Fred pushed her glasses up and smiled. “You’re all better now, aren’t you?”

Cordelia smiled. “Better? That’s for you to decide. Call when you want tacos. Though, I think it’s time for you to try pizza.” Cordelia left.

“I think you’re better.” Fred said into her board.

“I heard that. And thanks.”

Fred giggled and went back to her math.

Chapter fifteen

Cordelia walked around her desk, staring at her computer. With a sigh, she sat and turned it on and got on-line. She copied the number of the closest location that came up on her search.

“Hello. Hi. I was wondering if you could tell me your schedules.” She said into the phone.

“Um,” Cordelia took a deep breath. “The one for the victims of child abuse. Um. No it’s not an emergency, not any more, it was a long time ago. I don’t know…… Yes…Thank you…. My name? Cordelia Chase. I will.” Cordelia hung up the phone. She would.


Angel looked around. He motioned for Wesley and Gunn to be quiet. He walked over to the couch and leaned down. He brushed aside the dark silk, and rubbed Cordelia’s sleeping face. He scowled as he felt the dried dampness and smelled the salt on his fingertips.

“Go home.” He said to Gunn and Wesley.


“We’re fine.” He said as he gathered Cordelia into his arms.


Wesley was surprised to see Angel at his desk so early. “Where’s Cordelia?”

“Still sleeping.”

“Is something wrong.” Wesley watched Angel absent mindedly twirl a small dagger on around the surface of the desk.

Angel smiled. “We will be fine. You were right. I imagine Lorne could confirm it but we’re fine.”

“Good.” Wesley’s eyes kept being drawn to the small dagger. It was down right memorizing how it traced around the desk creating flawless shapes on the desk.

“Wesley, do we know when Cordelia’s father is getting out of prison?”

“Uh, Why? Um, I don’t know, Cordelia has never mentioned it.”

“Do you think that you could find out for me? You know, where he is, when he is expected to be released, stuff like that.”

“I…I guess. But why, I’m sure he or the parole board would notify Cordelia when it was appropriate.”

“Yes. But I don’t want to bother her with this. I just really think I should maybe visit him, explain my intentions to him, and let him know that I love his daughter and that under no circumstances will I ever let her be hurt. That I will protect her with all of my abilities from anyone that has ever or will ever cause her pain. You know, show him my intentions. That’s all.”

“Oh, right, honorable intentions…like asking for her hand. That’s admirable, but you know, Angel it’s not the 18th century. And I haven’t the impression that Mr. Chase is the concerning father type.”

“You never know. And there are just some habits and instincts that I can’t seem to break, no matter how far I’ve come.” Angel got up. “I promised Cordelia I’d make some omelets. Do you want any?”

“Um, no thank you.” Wesley’s eyes went back to the space that Angel had occupied. He tugged at the dagger, finally yanking it out of the surface of the desk. Wesley shook his head. Angel knew better than that. Embedding the weapon so deeply in the wood could’ve ruined the blade.

The End


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