What Now? 1

Title: What Now?
Author: Dock
Posted: 05-09-03
Rating: R/NC-17
Category: Serious Angst
Content: C/A, C/Aus
Spoilers: Up to Provider & Up to Wrecked (with some minor changes)
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: NF, GT and whoever else wants it
Notes: While I was working on “Baby, I’m back!” I got an idea for a darkfic…. I scrapped it because I didn’t think I could write it. Well I decided to… follow Dannyblue’s wise advise and think of my limitations as a challenge. Those of you who enjoy my fluffy fics should know THIS IS NOT FLUFF. It is very dark.
Thanks/Dedication:I just wanted to thank Syn for being my very first Beta and Gabby for her recommendations. You two totally rock.
Feedback:Are you kidding? Hell yeah! This is my first (possibly only) darkfic and my first standalone.

Angel stood in the doorway of his suite watching Cordelia bounce his son in her arms while she chatted with Fred.

“Isn’t he the bestest baby in the whole wide world?”

“Absolutely. So did you sleep here last night? I didn’t hear you leave.”

Cordelia buried her blushing face in the baby’s blanket. “Yeah I did. We were up late talking about how to spend the money while I was giving Connor his bottle. We just fell asleep.”

“That’s so sweet.”

“I know but I shouldn’t let that happen. I’m not his mother. I shouldn’t pretend like I am.”

“My best friend when I was little was adopted. Her mama said just because a woman didn’t give birth to a child doesn’t mean she can’t be that child’s mother and being that child’s mother doesn’t make the woman who did give birth any less of a mother. A child has enough love in his or her heart for both.”

“Do you really think so?”


“Darla sacrificed herself for Connor. Despite my problems with her, I would never want to rob him of that precious love.”

“You wouldn’t be. I know you will tell Connor all about her. Well maybe not everything. He can love you both.”

“It’s not really up to me though. He’s Angel’s son. I can’t just decide to be Connor’s mother.”

“Do you want to be?”

“With all my heart.”

“You and Angel can give Connor a real family.”

She stared at the baby in her arms. “That would be heavenly.”

“So would you only be a mother or do you see yourself playing the role of wife too?”


“Come on. You can tell me.”

“He’s cursed.”

“But if we could find a way around that?”

“If…it doesn’t do any good to wish for something that isn’t going to happen.”

“Please? Just tell me and I promise I’ll drop it completely.” Fred crossed her fingers behind her back.

“Yes. I would want to be a wife as well. Happy now?”

Fred smothered her squeal of delight with her hand. “I knew it. You have kyerumption and moira. You love Angel. You love Angel.” The girl danced around the room.

“Fine. I’m in love with Angel.” She smiled. “I’ve never said it aloud. I’m in love with Angel. I’m in love with Angel and I want us to be family.” She gazed at the baby in her arms. “I want to be your mommy. Would you like that? Do you think you could love me and Darla, sweetie?”

“I know he can.”

The two women spun around at the sound of Angel’s voice.

“I love you too.”

Cordelia’s expression went from shock to fear to utter happiness. “What?”

“I said I love you too.” He took a step into the room. “I want us to be a family.”

“You do?”


“I love you, Angel. There’s nothing I want more than for us to be a family.”

Angel’s heart swelled with joy. The joy suddenly was replaced with a horrible ache that turned into a sharp pain. “Oh god. No. Please no.” He fell to his knees. He glanced up at Cordelia. He saw her joy turn to concern then fear before his soul was gone.

Cordelia stared in mute horror. She knew without a doubt it was Angelus who stood between them and the only door. They were too high up. She could never get Connor out the window. Her thoughts were shattered by the sound of cruel laughter.

Angelus rose to his feet and dusted himself off. “Do you have any idea how long I’ve been waiting for you two to admit your feelings?” He stretched his limbs. “Now the real fun begins. Poor Soulboy. He didn’t even get a kiss this time around.” His eyes drifted down to the baby. “Did he ever tell you how delicious family blood is? A baby isn’t very filling. It’s more of an appetizer but I may just save my boy for dessert. I think I’ll start with sweet crazy Fred. Although I really should take the time to show her how much of a beast I truly am before I kill her. What do you think, Cordy? Which one should I kill first?”

“Please don’t.”

“Don’t what? If you’re going to beg, you need to be a little more specific.”

Cordelia cradled Connor closer to her chest. “Please don’t hurt them.”

“Why would I agree to that?”

“I…” She glanced down at Connor’s sweet face. “I’ll do anything if you’ll just let them go.”


“Don’t Fred.” The glint in her eyes was cold and hard as steel when she looked up. “Let them go and I will do whatever you want.”

“Now that is a tempting offer. What to do, what to do? Hunting them later could be fun too. The two hero wannabes will make it more interesting. So many choices. OK. I accept your terms.” He took a step away from the door. “Fred and my son can go.”

Cordelia handed the baby to her shaking friend. “Fred, you don’t stop until you and Connor are safe. Angel has been invited into Wesley’s apartment so don’t go there. Do NOT come back here until Connor is safe. That includes Wesley and Gunn.”


“No buts. Now go!”

Fred eyes were riveted to Angelus as she edged her way closer to the door.

The scent of the girl’s fear and her tears was delightful. If he had enough time, he would definitely see them again. Once they were gone, he shut the door and locked it. “We don’t have much time, Cordy. Your heroes will be here soon.”

Cordelia stood frozen. She had promised Angel she would stake him but she knew she’d never be able to overpower him. The sun had already set. After he killed her, he could easily catch Fred and Connor. She needed to buy them enough time to get away. “What now?”

He dropped into a chair. “Take off your clothes.”


“Should I go after them now? You know I can still catch them.”

“No!” She began undressing. She could no longer hold back her tears.

His predatory eyes raked over her naked form. “Beautiful. You have no idea how many times the soul imagined this. Seeing you offer your body to him like the whore we all know you are.”

She tried to raise her chin in defiance. “I am not a whore.”

“Spare me your delusions. You offered yourself to me. I always suspected that you secretly wanted to be my plaything.”


“Shut up. Come over here and get on your knees.” His features shifted at her hesitation. “Don’t make me repeat myself.”

She slowly walked over to him. She wondered how far Fred had gotten. If she’d taken Angel’s car, she could be… No she hadn’t had enough time to get anywhere safe.” She dropped to her knees.

“Unzip me.” Her trembling hands fumbled with his belt. “Don’t pretend like this is your first time. That’s better. Now take me into your mouth and if you try to bite me, I will make you watch Fred do this in your place.” He smiled as her hot wet mouth surrounded him.

His hands tangled in her hair and forced her head down. “Relax your throat, you stupid bitch.” He pushed her away. “For a whore, you’re not very good at this. Looks like I’ll have to do all the work.” He rose to his feet, took her head in a harsh grip and thrust inside her mouth. He ignored her choking and continued ramming his way in. His cock kept slamming into the back of her throat. “That’s better. Use your tongue. That’s what it’s there for.” He grunted in pleasure.

“Now you have the hang of it. I knew you’d make a great cocksucker.” He tightened his grip on her head, pulling her hair. “Ever want to know what a vampire tastes like? You’re about to find out.” He savored every whimper she made. The vibrations made him that much harder. “Oh fuck yeah!” He exploded in her mouth while he held her in place. “Swallow every drop.” Her throat contracted around him. “That feels so good. Do it again. Oh yeah.” Her constant sucking kept him hard. He shoved her away. “Now get on the bed.”

She climbed onto the same bed she, Angel and Connor had shared the night before. Her lips and throat ached from his harsh treatment but the rest of her body felt numb. A small part of her mind was aware that Fred might have made it to safety by now. Her eyes searched the room. She knew Angel kept stakes in his room but where?

“Don’t bother looking for sharp objects. Soulboy moved his weapons into his closet. As if the baby could get anywhere near them yet, he really is a moron.” He noticed her staring at the closet. “You’d never make it.”

The sight of his naked body made her feel sick. What should have inspired lust overwhelmed her with disgust. It didn’t matter. She would do anything to keep Connor safe.

“Lay back and spread your legs for me. Show me how welcome I am.” She mechanically did as he instructed. “I knew you wanted to get fucked by a real vampire.” He slowly began to crawl up her body.

Cordelia flinched when she felt his tongue make contact with her entrance. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Did you really think I was going to fuck you dry? What kind of man do you take me for? My women feel pleasure while I’m fucking them. The fear and humiliation are a bonus. We’ll get into the pain and blood part later. I wouldn’t want you to feel cheated.”

She tried not to think about what his tongue was doing to her body. She did feel the humiliation. Her body betrayed her heart as it became wet. Bile surged up her throat; she swallowed hard in response.

“Shouldn’t you be trying to stop the people in Sunnydale from resouling you?”

He moved further up her body until they were face to face. “You want me to go kill them instead of killing the people you actually care about? You really are a cold-hearted bitch. No wonder they hate you.”

She could smell herself on his breath as he spoke. She turned her head away. Her nausea increased. “Willow would have the spell done before you got there.”

He wrenched her face back. “Probably that is why I’m going to stay right here in LA. I’ve tasted freedom twice and I know it won’t last. I can run around trying to make it happen.” He leaned down to whisper in her ear. “It’s a vicious cycle. He can’t get rid of me and I can’t get rid of him.” He lifted his head and looked into her eyes.

“Instead of learning another lesson in futility, I plan to ruin the one thing he wants the most. Think of it as my little present for my lesser half.” His cock speared her body in one brutal thrust. “How does that feel, baby?” His hips continued to slam into hers. “You’re so nice and wet for me. So much for Soulboy, huh?” He grunted his pleasure into her ear. “You feel so good, so tight. When was the last time someone fucked you properly?”

Cordelia stared at the ceiling. Her body grew numb again. She watched a small spider slowly crawl across the ceiling. A laugh almost bubbled up. She usually screamed at the sight of spiders. She had been afraid of them ever since her cousin put one on her face to wake her up when they were both five. Now she fought monsters almost daily. They invaded her mind in her visions. They invaded her body. The feel of a monster, who wore the face of the man she loved, raping her made it seem almost funny to be afraid of spiders. She said it, even if only in her mind.

She was being raped. She was being raped by the monster inside the man she loved. How could the best moment in her life be on the worst day of her life? Is that irony? Angel said he loved her. He said he wanted them to be a family. Connor would be her son. The wonderful moment cost them everything. Connor’s father was gone.

All that was left was the thing moving in and out of her body in a harsh rhythm. She remained limp on the bed. It was strange but she wanted him to hurt her. He seemed intent on causing her unwanted pleasure. She could feel her inner walls start to hiccup in an oncoming orgasm. His thumb had begun rubbing insistently on her clit and her body responded. Her heart was screaming in horror that she could cum from being raped.

Her mind responded that nerve endings had automatic responses to certain stimuli and the pleasure he was causing was meant to be a part of the violation. Angelus wanted to humiliate her. He wanted her to know she was betraying Angel. She had promised to stake him if he ever lost his soul. Would he ever be able to forgive her for allowing herself to not only be raped by his demon but to cum while it was happening?

“Don’t fight it, baby. You know you enjoy having my cock inside you. It feels good, doesn’t it? The way we’re connected, the way we’re sharing something you and Soulboy can never have, it feels good. You like having me between your legs. I bet you’ve fantasized about it. You can tell me. Tell me what you imagined I’d do to you. I’m willing to take requests.” His thumb increased its torment.

He was close. He captured her mouth, forcing his tongue inside. He proceeded to fuck her with his tongue and cock. One hand held her head forcing her to allow him to continue the invasion. His balls tensed as his release drew near. He released her mouth and prepared to sink his teeth into her neck. His eyes focused on Darla’s faded marks. He joyfully intended to replace them with his own.

She silently prayed Angel wouldn’t hate her or blame himself for her death. He lost his soul because of her. It hadn’t been his fault. It was hers. She had given her body to his monster. The fault had been entirely hers. If she had reacted sooner, they could have escaped before his soul had been completely lost. She hadn’t fought. She had cooperated. Tears streamed down her face. Sobs choked from deep within her soul. She had cum.

Angelus bit into her jugular the moment her inner muscles clamped down on him. He slammed into twice more, savoring her blood as it slid down his throat.

Cordelia welcomed the approaching darkness. She wished Gunn and Wesley didn’t have to find her dead, naked body. She wondered if they would stake him rather than try to curse him again. Would Angel tell them what she had done? Would they forgive her for being Angelus’s willing whore? Would the Scoobies be told she had gotten off from being raped?

Her final thought had been a plea. *Please don’t turn me!*


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