Title: His Lady Lazerus
Posted here: 28-Oct-2003
Rating: NC17 but this is Daisy smut so nothing too graphic here. Male slash is also in this fic.
Category: Angst, friendship, romance, sex.
Summary: When the line between friendship and more is crossed there’s no going back…no matter how high the price.
Spoilers: Set early season 3 Ats.
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: Distribution: You want it, you got it. But be a peach and let me know.
Notes: This is a response to Jane’s (Angelluver’s) challenge, which can be found below. Notes 2: A big shout out should go to NormWager who wroteCompromise which Jane’s challenge was spawned from. If you want to read it pm me and I’ll give you the addy. Wow, this is by far the longest header I’ve ever done. And wait, there’s more..
Thanks/Dedication: To Jane, my challenge Queen, a big Daisy hug heading your way. Thanks for the idea babe! (Challenge at bottom of page)
Feedback:Is better than a chocolate covered Hugh Jackman.
Fingers tickled down her spine like rain drops, cool and cleansing, slick with want and desire. She arched away from the feathery caress until her breasts pressed wantonly against the solid expanse of his chest. Her thighs ached yet she kept them locked tightly around his hips as he moved with her, slow like honey and maddeningly delicious. She wanted to purr and rub herself against every inch of his pale body like a cat in the sun, but he wasn’t the sun, he was darkness, forbidden and completely hers. Her hands gripped his shoulders desperately, scared that if she let go she may fall. And yet she longed for it, free falling into oblivion as her body met his with brutal need. She felt hot breath where her neck met her shoulder, nipping bites and whispered promises being spoken into her bones, telling her more than any cautious word ever had. She was being turned inside out, made new by hands that had once held death and destruction, but now worked her body like clay, mold away what once was until she were his lady Lazarus with flushed skin.
Oh god, oh god, oh god, fell from her swollen lips, so deep, fire inside her marrow and heart. Tub thump tub thump, again and again until she cried out hoarsely answering his every demand. Hard and soft, his body always shocked her, so much power restrained in the taut muscles of his back and yet he touched her with such reverence, as though she were beauty given life, too precious to be tainted with his dirty hands. But she wanted it, needed him to take her over and make her fly like no one else ever could.
If she were beauty than he was her maker as his tongue tasted the salty map of her collar bone, his hands owning her as hips moved to the beat of a far off and distant drum. Corded muscles tensed to snap their limits as he learnt her body with gentle savagery, warm and tight, pure woman encasing his body and soul as he searched for his home within her. Seconds and minutes, days and weeks all slipped together until time became measured by the beat of her pulse. Her sweet sighs, impassioned moans, desperate groans, he wanted to swallow every sound and make them his. Make her his until nothing stood between them but the prickle of what could be. Nothing more but the roar of his devotion into the valley of her breasts.
They moved with a rhythm all their own, belly against belly wet with sweat, steel and silk, bruising and adored until night became day and no words existed but the cadence of his name on her tongue.
Her eyes snapped open. Blinked, once, twice until the world came back into view.
Well, Cordelia thought as the vision ended and she found herself cold and naked sitting on the floor of her shower, that was different.
Cordelia sat silently as she waited for Angel’s response, the quiet tick of the lobby clock was far too loud and invasive for this moment, it echoed in her ears and made the young woman want to squeeze her eyes shut and scream just to interrupt it’s monotony. Instead she played with the hem of her shirt and watched the vampire that sat next to her, nervously listening to his unreadable silence. For his part Angel stared at his hands as though the answer to every question was written between the lines of his finger prints, answers that he could never quite reach and so often left him in the dark.
But he was the answer this time yet the words still made no sense.
Cordelia was beginning to wish she’d never said anything, wished she’d kept the truth to herself and looked for another way. But there was no other way and everything was becoming too much, the pain and fear was too much for her solitary shoulders and Cordelia feared the weight of it would cause her knees to buckle long before she….
She couldn’t even bring herself to voice the thought silently in her head let alone out loud, if she did it would all be too real, what the scans had shown, what the specialist had solemnly said in the sterile Doctors office as she’d stared unseeingly at the quit smoking poster. If she said aloud it would all be true and she wouldn’t have enough time left. Time to fall in love, have a family, grow old. Just not enough time.
Last weeks vision had been the worst yet, for five hours after the helpless had be saved there was still blood and vomit on her bathroom floor, every time she moved, breathed, even thought her brain would be pierced with fission’s of pain that shook her shoulders with tears and the inevitable.
Cordelia was dying.
For the first time Cordelia Chase truly cursed the Powers for doing this to her. She cursed Doyle for passing on this ‘gift’ and she cursed Angel because he was the reason she suffered. Never before had she felt such impotent rage at the two men in her life that had equally saved and damned her. Cordelia had wished she’d let Groo take them from her as she sat shivering on the cold bathroom floor, wished she’d walked away from the mission and never looked back because at least then she wouldn’t fear what the next day would bring. As close to giving up as she’d ever been the brunette had shuffled weakly into her bedroom, her bones aching and her teeth chattering as she had silently begged whoever was listening up there for a little peace while Dennis tucked her bed sheets around her. If the end had come for then she would have gladly met it with open arms, a part of her had given up and longed for silence in her crowded mind. But it wasn’t the end. If anything, it was just the beginning.
That was a week ago leaving another week of holding her breath as she waited for the next vision to knock her to her knees as she grasped for painkillers that didn’t nothing to numb the fear. Which had happened this morning in the shower, two hours ago to be precise. An hour and a half of sitting with her head in her hands as her phantom house mate hovered protectively around her while the images of a vision unlike any other danced through her brain and the other half hour finally telling her Angel that being vision girl wasn’t all it cracked up to be, among other things.
“How long have you known?” Angel’s gruff voice brought her of her thoughts, his low timbre edged with an anger Cordelia hadn’t heard since he’d lost his way the year before.
“About the visions killing me or…the other thing?” Cordelia said casually as though the words she said held no power over her.
“That you’re dying!?” He snapped his gaze away from his hands to her face, Cordelia forced herself to keep his stare and not look away from the hurt in his eyes. This was why she’d kept the truth to herself for so long, she couldn’t bare to see that look in the eyes of the people she loved.
“For a while.” Cordelia shrugged not wanting to go into the semantics of the issue.
“A while?” The vampire boomed making her flinch at the sudden noise. “You should have told us!”
“Yeah well shoulda woulda coulda.”
“You can’t just shrug this away Cordelia!” Angel snapped at his best friend, his best friend that had kept the fact that the visions she received, the visions she received for him were killing her.
“I know, that’s why I’m here!” She bit back at him, really not wanting to get into a pissing fit with Angel right now. “Look…” She sighed. “I’ve decided I’m not going to sit around any longer waiting for the next vision to turn my brain to mush. They’re my visions, I’m not giving them up but I’m sure as hell not gonna let them kill me either. And that’s where you come in, dreadful pun not intended.” Cordelia winced at her choice of words.
“Don’t change the subject Cordelia.” Angel growled and went back to staring at his hands.
“I’m not, I’m merely moving onto the solution to the problem. I know you’re angry at me Angel but you need to focus, OK?”
“Focus? Focus?!” The vampire leapt from the couch and began to pace in front of her, his shoulders and jaw taught with tension as he crossed his arms over his chest so they wouldn’t reach out and shake some sense into Cordelia.
“How am I meant to focus on anything apart from the fact that you’re dying?!”
“Don’t be such a drama queen.” Cordelia rolled her eyes even as her stomach drop to her knees. Dying. It all sounded so damn final.
“Don’t shout at me Angel! My head feels like it’s splitting open, I’m tired and I have to have sex with my best friend. Now is not the time for you to be yelling!”
“I’m shouting at you because you lied to…Hold on did you just say sex with…What did you say?” Angel frowned in confusion, his overloaded brain unable to piece together anything she said because all the vampire could think about was he was going to lose his best friend. Again.
“Jeez, were you not here when I told you about my vision just now?” Cordelia gestured her hands wildly in front of her.
“I kinda spaced out after my best friend told me she was dying!”
“OK, first of all drop the tone, second of all you need to stop saying the ‘d’ word because it’s giving me the weebies and third, the cure to my vision pain and impending brain implosion, as I said before if you were paying attention, is sex with you.” Cordelia said as she felt embarrassment creep a pink flush up her neck. Her life got more ridiculous every day but this really took the biscuit.
“Huh?” He blinked at her dumbly after a moment.
“Do you want me to draw you a diagram Angel?” She arched a perfect eyebrow at him.
“That’s what you saw in your vision? You and I…er….” Angel grimaced and made a strange gesture with his hand.
“Doing the beast with two backs? The horizontal mambo? The naked pretzel? Bumping uglies? The-”
“I get the picture Cordy.” He sat back down next to her and let everything she had told him sink in. “How is sex going to stop you from dy…from…how?”
“I just get the cliff notes version Angel, not the directors cut.”
“Oh. Well, did you see anything else in your vision?”
“Apart from a whole lot of naked us…not really. It was more of a feeling really.” Cordelia said as fragmented pieces of her vision spiraled through her brain, she shifted in her seat and tried to think about something less, well, pornographic.
Silence slipped back over the lobby as the two friends struggled to find something to say, anything to say. Angel watched the young woman out of the corner of his eye, Cordelia Chase was indeed not the same carefree girl he’d met long ago in Sunnydale. The last year had been a turbulent one for her and it compounded Angel’s already guilt heavy shoulders that he was the reason for the dark shadows around her eyes. Cordelia had given so much and in return he’d pushed her out of his life as though she meant nothing at all.
When the truth was she meant everything.
“I won’t let you die Cordy.” Angel whispered with stubborn determination.
“Good, cos I don’t want to die.” Cordelia said quietly and laced her hand through his.
“You should have told us.” Angel muttered and shook his head as though he were talking to himself.
“I know…I just…I couldn’t.”
“Angel, please, not now. I can’t argue with you now, OK?” Cordelia cut off his argument wearily, the heavy buzzing the back of her brain, although not as bad as it had been after she’d initially had that vision this morning, still blurred the corners of her vision and spread thick tension across her shoulders.
“How do you feel?” The vampire asked gently, braced for a I’m fine! to be thrown his way.
“Just peachy.” Cordelia muttered wryly as she rubbed the back of her neck with her free hand, her fingers massaging the taught muscles to no effect.
“Cordy.” Angel’s tone told her he wanted the truth this time.
“My head is kinda fuzzy but it’s not too bad. In comparison to last weeks vomitapalooza this is a picnic.” Cordelia said honestly. Angel looked at her for a long moment, long enough to make the brunette shift in her seat. His dark gaze didn’t usually make her feel uncomfortable but it was as though he were trying to read all her secrets all at once, discover what else she had kept from him and a part of Cordelia wanted to shrink away from his eyes.
“No more secrets, OK?” Angel frowned at her when he’d apparently found what he was looking for.
“OK.” Cordelia agreed even though she knew there was a world of things she would not, could not, share with the world.
“So we have sex then?” Angel said with more nerves than a two hundred and forty something vampire should have.
“Yeah.” Once again silence reared it’s ugly head, more awkward this time as both Angel and Cordelia thought about the forbidden ‘s’ word. Sex, to put it lightly, only led to trouble for the two friends. Demon spawn and evil alter egos didn’t exactly make for fun mornings after but that wasn’t the only thing that made the pair slip their hand away from the other while they looked everywhere but each other.
Sex. Friends. The two didn’t mix well.
“Is it…er…” Angel cleared his throat as the reality of the situation settled in.
“Is it a one time thing?”
“Wham bam thank you Ma’am vision pain gone forever? I don’t think so. I got the feeling it was an ongoing …situation.” Cordelia said as the desire to crawl under a rock and never come out swept over her. Had she really just told Angel he had to sleep with her to stop her from dying? Could it be any cheesier? Maybe she was still asleep, tucked up in bed and when she woke up this would all be a very awkward nightmare that she would never utter to another living or undead soul. Ever.
“So…after every vision?”
“Could you try and sound a little less like sex with me would be a chore.” Cordelia said dryly, a small part of her enjoying how flustered the usually unflappable vampire seemed.
“No, it’s not-” Angel said quickly to cover his mistake.
“Relax Angel, it’s not exactly my idea of fun either.”
“Oh…Hey! Why not?” He exclaimed, his ego taking a swift kick in the balls.
“No offense Angel but I prefer my men…living. Not that you’re not a honey ‘cos you are, just not my kinda honey.”
“You think I’m a honey?” Angel smiled crookedly at her, Cordelia couldn’t help but smile back even through the humming ache in her head. They’d both come so far in so little time, no matter what life threw at the vampire and ex cheerleader they managed to struggle through it mostly intact. They were each others closet friend and for two people that had so little friendship in their lives it meant a great deal. But now their relationship was going to change and there wasn’t a thing either could do about it. They didn’t have a choice.
“Well…I guess we should….” Angel nodded in the direction of the staircase. Any moment now Cordelia was sure she was going to wake up. Any minute now.
“Hold on there cowboy, I know you haven’t got any in a while and I’m sure the prospect of the Chase experience is enough to short circuit a few of those brain cells of yours but you’re forgetting something.”
“Curse…Angelus…Happy moment? Ringing any bells?” Cordelia asked him as she stood up even though she already knew the answer.
“My best friend just told me she’s dying and the only way for her to withstand the pain of her visions she receives for me is for us to have sex. Show me where the happy is in that Cordy.” Angel muttered, his best friend guilt tugging at his shirt tails.
“So….” The vampire let out a nervous breath.
“Yeah….” The brunette nodded slowly as she scuffed the heel of her shoe against the floor.
“Shall we?” Angel gestured towards the stairs.
Angel and Cordelia stood in the middle of the lobby, each waiting for the other to make a move.
“We should go and….”
“Have the sex.” She blurted out.
“Yeah.” Angel nodded.
Any minute now.
“Maybe it’s not what my vision actually meant, I mean you and me making it like bunnies, kinda out of left field don’tcha think?” Cordelia rambled quickly.
“Totally.” Angel nodded vigorously.
“We’re friends, best friends. Surely the PTB knows that. Would they really….” She trailed off weakly.
“They would.” He sighed.
“This totally sucks.” The brunette groused, her lips twisted with annoyance.
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
They were friends. They shouldn’t have to do this.
“Well…could this be any more awkward?”
More like definitely.
*C/A must have sex to stop vision pain. **C/A smut/NC-17. **C/A care for each other as friends, not romantically when they begin their “affair” … they are only doing it because of the visions … at first. **C/A keep their “affair” a secret from the others. **C/A have sex on a regular basis, but as the visions increase, so does the pain and hence Cordy’s need for more sex. **C/A have long pillow talks.