Part 7
The return of his soul and the subsequent return from hell hadn’t done anything to lessen her effect on him. In hell, he had come so close to giving up and losing his mind that at one point, Angel had looked for the brunette hoping to find his salvation.
In hindsight, the vampire was so much more than relieved to not having found Cordelia in that dimension, Angel was one hundred percent certain she would never have survived the horrors he saw. Hell was all of his own creation, the rules of the game kept changing, one minute everything was real and the next it was an illusion designed to give him hope before it, and his soul, was destroyed.
His son, Connor, was real and he had to find Cordelia and his son before she took him away for good this time. They were all that mattered.
“Oy” Spike’s voice stopped him before he got too far from the shop. “She got a blue car, license plate B34 RTY. Went in the direction of Montgomery Road. Careful of that car mate, chit’s dangerous” The blonde rubbed the fully healed injury on his head at the memory of her knocking him down twice. “And tell the bloody chit I will get my revenge for that little stint”
Angel glanced over his shoulder, “What are you talking about now, Spike?”
“Your bit knocked me over” the blonde told him in all seriousness “Twice. If my Faith hadn’t pulled me out the God damn way, she woulda crushed my head like a bleedin melon”
A wry smile quirked up at the corners of Angel’s pale lips at the image his explanation provoked. He’d have to remember to give Cordelia a show of gratitude for doing something he’d wanted to do for years. “Thank you” this would be the only time he had ever or would ever say those words to his grandchilde and already he was cursing himself for saying them.
Not moving from his spot against the corner of the Magic Shop wall, Spike pulled out his packet of cigarettes, lit one up and tried his best to look suave while doing it. “O’course if you asked Spike nicely, he just might give you the address the chit left for the Watcher bloke” a folded piece of paper was held up in his free hand, catching the rapt attention of his grandsire.
“1325 Montgomery Road” Spike read from the paper then watched as Angel stilled for a second before disappearing into the shadowy night. “How the bloody hell does he do that?” the blonde shook his head and went to look for his own bit. He wondered if Faith would be up for ‘hungry-and-horny’ slaying. No doubt he would be made to divulge all the gossip about the new arrival on the Hellmouth before he got any.
Suddenly, Spike’s blue gaze went wide as his body became as still as Angel’s had mere moments ago. If one vampire could have a kid, then it was possible for him, right? “Bollocks! I hope that girl’s on the pill”
***
Angel stood outside the cosy little house that protectively held Connor and his mother. It was a simple house, an ordinary two-story house that was attached to the one next door. The lawn was neat if a little overgrown and the bushes were minimal with a few flowering buds on the tips.
The front door was painted a dark crimson with a canopy supported by a trellis on either side. Roses were growing up and entwining themselves through the diamond shaped holes. All in all, it seemed like a normal, typical suburban house except for the windows
Each window had indoor shutters and the small glass pane at the top of the front door had also been bordered up from the inside. They all seemed to be shut tightly and the three ground floor shutters that were open had a thick, heavy layering over the glass.
To Angel, the shutters gave the appearance of a prison and he wondered why Cordelia would have both Connor and herself living like this. Thinking about it, he could imagine if anything made the discovery a child had been born to a vampire and human, there would be a heavy price on the child’s head.
Did she need the extra protection from something or someone? Did she need the extra protection from him? The vampire couldn’t say and he didn’t want think that Cordelia might feel she would need to keep herself safe from him.
She hadn’t needed protection from his darker self, so why would she feel like she needed it from him?
Approaching the front with measured, controlled steps and trepidation on his face, Angel swallowed back the lump clogging his throat, clenched and unclenched his fists. One hand reached out to touch the smooth, crimson as though he were trying to feel Cordelia through it, trying to feel the beating of the heart hidden in her chest.
The wood was cold, no human heat came from the inanimate obstacle and he found a likeness to himself.
Behind the door, the vampire couldn’t pick up sounds of breathing or beating hearts or any signs of life. Shooting a panic-filled glance over his shoulder, Angel double checked that her car was parked outside of the house. It was and that meant either Cordelia had gone out or she was purposely hiding from him and everyone else.
He knocked and waited patiently for an answer then knocked again when he didn’t get one. Stuffing his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket, the vampire began to rethink being here. Answers needed to be given but maybe it was too soon for both Cordelia and himself, maybe he needed some time to get his head around the fact she back, alive and with his son.
His son.
“You want some more juice baby? Be careful until I come back and if you see anyone, come straight in.” The voice penetrated the night’s silence, granting Angel with the knowledge the sound seemed to be coming from the back of the house.
If he had a blood flow, it would have been racing through his body and his heart would be pounding as he followed both the sounds and the scent round the corner that led to the back yard.
Angel’s footsteps crunched on the loose gravel covering the ground as he moved slowly. Licking his lips in anticipation, the vampire rubbed his mouth with his fingers and tried to remove the haunting feel of the last touch of her soft lips as they brushed against his. He wasn’t prepared for this, wasn’t prepared for what he find and wasn’t prepared for quickly the tide of memories took over.
The sounds of both female and childlike laughter pulled Angel from his thoughts and deep concentration as he reached a locked gate preventing him from his son and Cordelia. Should he say something to announce he was here or should he just go in?
This was Cordelia’s home, her sanctuary. He didn’t have the right to just barge in as though he owned it like Angelus had a long time ago.
The soulless half of the vampire had thought nothing of waltzing through the front door of the old manor the brunette had lived in. Angelus assumed he had the right to do whatever he felt where the cheerleader was concerned, even going so far as to read her diary in front of her. Not that Cordelia had specifically told him he couldn’t but it wouldn’t have mattered if she had.
Everything about her Angelus owned, she had no secrets or anything to hide from him, only fantasies that quickly induced the acting out of them.
Before he could stop himself, Angel clicked the simple latch on the gate and walked through it. All his senses were trained on following the sound, scent and inner pull of Connor and Cordelia.
The back yard was darkly shadowed, no light except from the spotlight that hung above the back door. A slow movement to his left caused Angel to immediately pinpoint who or what it was. Standing on the edge of where the light illuminated the short grass, he saw his son throwing a ball up into the air and catching it with ease.
On his head, a baseball cap was sat backwards preventing Angel from seeing what colour hair his son had. His small hands were covered with black gloves and he wore what looked to be a thick, black jumper that hung from his childish frame. White training shoes seemed to be caked in mud and grass, as did the little boy’s clothes and face.
The back door opened and Cordelia jogged out carrying one tall glass and a smaller plastic cup that was no doubt for her son. Her curls were piled on top of her head in a ponytail and she was dressed in comfortable clothes. Dark blue jeans clung to her legs and the material curved around her shape as she walked towards Connor, holding out the plastic cup. A simple jersey sweater with a low, revealing neck line that scooped across the gentle slope of her cleavage.
“Put the ball down, Connor or you’ll spill your juice” Cordelia told the boy as she sat down on the grass, watching her son.
“Can we play soccer again when I’ve finished?” the five year old asked with a hopeful grin on his rounded face. “I’m not tired and I was real good tonight and I’ll go to bed when you tell me to and I’ll wash my face”
“You’ll go to bed and wash your face anyway” the brunette retorted easily, not missing any trick he could come up with. “Alright! Finish your juice and we’ll play again.” If she was truthful, Cordelia would admit to enjoying kicking a ball around with Connor it was just a shame that they didn’t have more space in the garden.
“Alright!” Connor threw the ball so far into the air, waited until it fell down a little before kicking it across the garden where it rolled to a stop right next to the vampire’s feet.
Both the little boy and young woman watched in stone-cold silence as they followed the ball’s movements until their gaze landed on a pair of black, heavy combat boots. Connor and Cordelia slowly raised their gaze, trailing up the black trousers to reach a black leather jacket, black shirt and finally came to rest on the vampire’s expressionless features.
Angel had been stood watching the interaction between mother and son. An ache started to throb in his chest making him want to join in with them, be a part of what they so clearly had. If Connor was indeed his son, which he was, then he had missed out on so many things, on having a chance to build up his own relationship with the little boy.
Cordelia couldn’t think of anything to say, it seemed for the fifth time in her life she was speechless. The first time had been when Angelus first came to her, the second had been when she was allowed to walk away, the third was finding out she was pregnant, the fourth time was discovering her son’s condition and yet none seemed to compare with this.
Her lips were parted, the glass of juice resting on the fuller pouting lower lip insinuating she had been about to take a drink when she saw him. Her big doe eyes blinked slowly while she tried to distinguish if Angel was really there or if she was simply dreaming.
Connor’s head tilted quizzically to one side as he studied the tall man looking at him. His mom had told him on the way home from the shop that they would get visitors soon and for him to be on his very best behaviour. The five year old wondered if this was his dad, he’d been told all about his dad and how he was special, like he himself was.
In all his childish innocence, Connor placed his juice on the grass next to his silent mom and waved to the tall man. “Hey mister” Willow had called him an angel, the boy remembered and so it would be okay to talk to him because he hadn’t been a stranger to the lady or his mother. “Are you really an angel? You don’t have wings and a gold thing on your head so you can’t be, right?”
“Connor, be quiet.” Cordelia told her son in a distant voice, never removing her heating gaze from the vampire watching her and Connor with a pained expression on his face. Pushing herself up off the ground, the brunette wiped her clothes free of any stray loose blades of grass. “I didn’t expect you so soon, Angel”
It had to be Angel standing there, if it had been Angelus then she didn’t doubt for a second the vampire would have stayed quietly in the shadows for this long. Now the uncomfortable silence had been broken via her son, the young woman sucked in a deep breath and gathered her courage in preparation to face her past and the five year olds’ father.
Angel couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move as his unbeating heart constricted violently in his chest. The depths of his gaze sparkled like black diamonds as his eyes darted back and forth between his son and her. He wanted to go to them, be a part of it all but the power to do so hadn’t left as an ache full of longing drowned out everything thing else.
“Why is he just standing there, mom?” Connor once again broke the silence, “Is he alright? He doesn’t look very well. Should I give him your juice?” He wasn’t going to give up his juice for anyone, especially a man he didn’t know.
Taking a tentative step forwards, the dark haired vampire unsurely went to pull back when Cordelia made the next move. “I-its okay, Angel” she stated softly, resisting the urge to damn everything and just go to him. Seeing how there was no point in hiding anymore, not that she wanted to keep hiding from him, the brunette extended an invitation to the vampire. “Please?”
“I can’t. Too hard” Angel spun on his heel and turned away from his son, fully intending on getting the hell out and giving himself enough time to get his head together. He felt like a stranger and in a sense, he was and he didn’t want to feel like that around his own son and Cordelia. He wanted what he could never have, even though it was right there in front of him.
“You leave now Angel, and you’ll regret it for the rest of your existence” wise words fell from the young mother who refused to let the vampire leave without even saying hello to his son. “Don’t go, please”
“Mom, is that the special man you told me about?” Connor asked, not understanding why Angel had turned to leave, “My dad?”
The world and his resolve to leave shattered around the vampire’s heart when he heard his son ask Cordelia if it was his dad. Angel gritted his teeth together so hard his jaw crackled under the pressure. A large hand pressed where his heart lay still and he tried to stop the ache in his chest from getting worse. He didn’t dare turn around, not until he heard Cordelia’s answer.
“Yes baby” a wry smile quirked up her nude lips at the corners, “He is your dad”
“Then why is he leaving?”
Angel stiffened at the question, wondering that himself.
“Because, he’s a little bit afraid” Cordelia knelt down to her son’s height as she explained in way he would be able to understand. “He hasn’t seen you yet and he thinks he isn’t allowed to be here, that someone told him he wasn’t allowed to have a son”
She always had known him too well, the vampire thought.
Connor blinked as her words sank into his five year old brain; he scratched his cheek with a gloved finger and turned to look at the vampire’s back. “If you ask him real nicely and if you tell him I’ll be super good, will he stay for some juice?”
His son wanted him to stay, Angel wanted to stay but he didn’t know what to do, say or any of that. There wasn’t a rule book or manual for this as much as he wished there was. How did parents do this? How did they react when meeting their son or daughter for the first time? What did they do? There was only one way to find out the answers to those questions.
Cordelia felt the squeezing round her heart loosen when she watched Angel slowly turn to face his son and her. “Stay, please”
Angel nodded.