Part 10
Cordelia had managed to avoid speaking to Xander and Buffy all morning. During class, she struggled to avoid thinking about what might have happened had she stayed at home.
Each scenario had left her breathing heavy and questioning whether or not she had made the right decision.
With Kevin, once he started touching her she hadn’t wanted him to stop. With Xander, they seemed to need anger for the passion to kick in. With Angel, she’d been aching for his touch and he hadn’t even kissed her yet. She had never felt that kind of pull to anyone before.
Friendship was all she’d been interested in. Now things were complicated.
They could pretend nothing happened because nothing really did happen. They stopped. She had no reason to feel guilty. If they stayed away from tickling and studying of facial structure in the future, they would be fine. Her thumb just couldn’t trace his soft kissable lips again and her hands couldn’t explore the smooth contours of his finely sculpted chest. She could never again rock against his hardened desire.
They were only friends.
How hard can it be to avoid those things? Another night sharing a bed could pose a problem. Sleeping apart was a possible solution but could she really stay in her own bed while he was in the throws of another nightmare? What kind of friend would listen to his pain and not help? No. She couldn’t in good conscience do that. She had exercised self-control earlier and she can do it again.
Of course fantasizing doesn’t equal infidelity. There’s no real harm in allowing her imagination to run away. She had the occasional fantasy about Keanu Reeves and Brad Pitt. Having one about Angel was practically the same thing.
So she was curious about how his lips would feel as they gently massaged hers and the way his cool bare chest would feel pressing down into hers and the way it would feel for that wonderful hardness to rub against the apex of her thighs. She was only human. Angel was an attractive vampire. Who could blame a girl for imagining him filling her almost to the point of bursting then thrusting into her at a maddening pace until every cell in her body exploded in a kaleidoscope of colors?
It had been almost two years since she’d had sex and she only got to do it once. That was probably her real problem. It wasn’t about how attracted she was to Angel or how much she enjoyed spending time with him; she was horny. She was a teenager with a ton of hormones racing through her system. The fact that Angel had been around a long time and in all likelihood knew how to make a woman scream in pleasure made him good fantasy material.
Considering what he’d said about a vampire’s recovery time, he could more than likely make her scream again and again and again, not that she actually wanted him to. That would be wrong and very bad. Doing it in her imagination though was completely acceptable.
“Hey Cordy.”
“I wasn’t thinking anything!”
Buffy gave her an amused look. “Thanks for stating the obvious.”
“Are you alright? You look a little flushed.” Xander felt her forehead with his palm.
She pushed his hot hand away. “I’m fine.”
“I missed you again this morning.”
“Yeah I was running late.”
“Did you oversleep? That’s two mornings in a row.”
Cordy bit her lip. She didn’t want to lie. “Not exactly. Did you ever have one of those mornings where you woke up early so you keep thinking you have all this extra time then the next thing you know; you’re late?” She noticed their blank stares.
“I guess not.”
“Lunch awaits ladies.”
***
Angel needed to calm down. By fantasy #39, he had passed painfully hard and moved on to agony. He once again tried to summon up his old friend guilt.
His mind rebelled and pictured parking in that field from Cordelia’s past and erasing the memory of another man’s touch by taking her again and again until she was just a quivering mass of nerve endings. The only guilt he’d managed to feel all morning was the guilt of not feeling guilty.
He decided to take a cold shower. Cordelia wouldn’t be home for hours and pouncing on her the moment she walked in the door would probably be a bad idea. Instead of heading to his bathroom, he chose to use hers. He went through the main connecting door rather than the one in her closet. He was afraid he might give into the temptation of peeking through her things.
The lingerie dresser might prove too tempting to resist. The image of her perfect body covered only by scraps of dark green satin was already permanently etched into his brain. Only the sight of her completely revealed to him could eclipse that memory.
He started the shower and stepped under the spray. The frigid water cascaded down his body. Its chilling effects were diminished by the scent of her perfume, her shampoo and her natural unique Cordelia scent. His hardened form refused to relax.
New fantasies began racing through his mind. New pictures floated before him, Cordelia on her knees swallowing him, his body pressing her pliant supple one against the shower wall filling her thrusting inside her, him on his knees tasting her savoring the way she coated his tongue with her flavor, or even the two of them slowly exploring each others body under the guise of washing.
He began stroking himself. In his mind, it was her soft delicate hand wrapped around him. It was her thumb that teased the tip. She began kissing his chest as she quickened her strokes. She worried his nipples between her teeth, careful to give each the same attention before eventually dropping to her knees.
She told him she wanted to taste him then took him in her scorching hot mouth. He braced himself with one hand on the shower wall while he imagined tangling the other in her hair. His eyes watched his fantasy Cordy, the way he slid in and out of her mouth, the way her lips were wrapped tight around his shaft and the way her eyes closed as she moaned in pleasure.
In his mind, he warned her that he was close but she ignored it, silently begging him to complete himself in her mouth. His head fell back as the pleasure she inflicted became overwhelming. His body went taut, on the cusp of a massive explosion and then… “Cordelia!”
***
Cordelia dipped her finger in her chocolate pudding and brought it to her lips. Her eyes slammed shut as she savored the chocolaty goodness. A shiver went through her as she imagined offering a taste to Angel. She pictured those soft kissable lips wrapped around the proffered digit, his cool tongue flickering around it tasting the sweet dessert and then gently suckling careful not to miss a spot.
She was startled out of her fantasy world by the sound of a throat being cleared. She noticed Xander and Oz were fixated on the finger still in her mouth, Willow was beet red and Buffy was staring at her like she’d lost her mind; which wasn’t far from the truth. She removed her finger and gave everyone her best Queen C glare. “What?”
“If you’re done orally stimulating your finger, it’s time to go. Lunch is over.”
Cordelia glanced around the rapidly dwindling crowd in the cafeteria. Her hardened façade dropped instantly. “Right.” She could feel her cheeks flame as she hurried to return her tray of dirty dishes.
“What’s up with her?”
“I don’t know, Buffy.” Willow turned to Xander when he didn’t offer an opinion. His blank stare was directed at the chair Cordelia vacated. She turned to Oz next. He too was staring at the chair. She slapped his arm.
“Sorry Will. What did you say?”
“Buffy asked a question but you and Xander were too busy drooling to hear her.”
“You’re the only girl for me. You know I’m not interested in Cordy but what she was doing…was kinda distracting.” He relaxed when she returned his smile. “Are you okay Xander?”
“I may have to carry my books in front of me for the rest of the day but other than that I’m fine.”
“That was a little too much information, Xan.” Buffy slapped him on the back. “Let’s go. I don’t want to be late for American Government. The troll was on my case again.”
Cordelia joined them at the door; a slight blush still tinted her cheeks. She stiffened for a moment when Xander walked up next to her and entwined their hands. She had to force herself not to pull away.
***
Angel hid in the shadows of the living room. He kept trying to assure what was left of commonsense Angel that he did not intend to maul Cordelia the moment she walked in the door. He would not press her against the wall and kiss her breathless.
He would not tear open her blouse, even though the tempting glimpse of cleavage it provided made his hands itch to do so. He would not lift her off her feet, push up her skirt, tear off her panties and urge her legs to wrap around his waist. He would certainly not release his already straining erection and drive into her deeply again and again until it felt like they were the only two people in existence.
He was NOT going to do any of those things. At least not right away.
Cordelia was more at ease with him than any other human being had ever been but she was skittish about crossing that line. She had that obnoxious boy in her life and she considered Angel to be unavailable.
As a soulless creature, he reveled in the art of seduction and it had always ended in death. Angel had forsaken his talents after he gained his soul. Any woman he felt drawn to needed to be warned off him. Buffy had flat out refused to listen, claiming it was too late. He’d waited too long to warn her.
Cordelia had been so accepting of him to warn her off now seemed patronizing. His undead status wasn’t what made her leave. She’d left because she feared what changing their relationship might cause. He needed to convince her to take a chance.
He’d spent most of his afternoon reasoning why seducing Cordelia Chase was NOT a bad idea. In the end, it only took one reason. Her presence filled the empty void inside him, something that had only happened for one brief moment to the regret of everyone. The world was safe now, from Angelus at any rate. With Cordelia, each time they talked their connection grew deeper.
Telling her about Kathy had been a milestone. He’d opened up to her and it hadn’t ended in self-loathing. They laughed. She actually made him purr. She’d looked into his yellow eyes and called him beautiful. The whole experience had been intense. She had left him wanting more but after fantasy #53, he decided it was for the best.
Commonsense Angel concluded it was a bad idea to rush into that type of intimacy, carelessly risking the deeper level they already shared. He didn’t want to lose Cordelia from his life. Hence his plan of seduction was born. Seducing her over a period of time would lessen the chance for regrets. Their friendship must be preserved at all costs. Well not all costs because he intended to have her. He was just willing to be somewhat patient.
He hadn’t reached a decision about Buffy yet. He’d already hurt her so much. He couldn’t bear the thought of doing it again but trying to recreate what they had together, before Angelus, had lost its appeal. He was now willing to acknowledge the futility of that goal. Cordelia had referred to him and Buffy as friends and lovers but Buffy had never been his friend.
The idea of having that type of relationship was enticing, only Cordelia was better suited for the role. He hadn’t been able to come up with a way to be with Cordelia and not hurt Buffy in the process so he decided to shelf that dilemma for a later date. As long as he was infected, Buffy would continue to avoid him. Seducing Cordelia first and worrying about how to deal with Buffy later seemed like the best course of action.
He glanced at the front door. She’d be home soon. He wanted his first move to be bold. He didn’t want to trick Cordelia into his bed and he didn’t want her to think he was only after sex. He wanted her to see him coming. He wanted her to have both eyes open. He just didn’t want her fears to stop her and he especially didn’t want Xander to stop her.
He wanted Cordelia to acknowledge their mutual attraction. He wanted Cordelia to open herself up to the possibility of falling in love with him. It was definitely not about playing games; they were just a means of winning her affections.
***
Cordelia stared at her front door from the driver’s seat.
*You are being ridiculous, Cor. You are perfectly capable of walking into your own home and not mauling your unbelievably sexy houseguest, as long as he’s not curled up in your bed where you left him. If he is, it would be completely understandable to pick up right where you left off. You’re not a freaking saint. I am so screwed.*
She groaned at her thoughts. “You wish you were screwed, Cor. That’s the freaking problem!”
She grabbed her books and her bags, and got out of her car. *I can do this.* She took a few deep breaths as she drew near the door. *I can control my actions even if I can’t seem to control my imagination.* “Get a grip, Cor.” She shifted her belongings to one hand and unlocked the door.
Angel heard her approach and waited for her to appear. He absently heard her talking to herself. *Be bold but in a controlled way* “Hey Cordy.”
“Argh! Dammit Angel!” She slapped his arm. “You scared the crap out of me. I am so gonna buy you a bell.”
He gave her a sheepish grin. “Sorry.” He took the bags she was carrying and placed a quick peck on her lips. “How was school today?” He turned on his heel and retreated to the kitchen.
Cordelia stood there in stunned disbelief. Angel had just kissed her. Angel’s lips had touched her lips. Her world spun on its axis, leaving her dizzy and disoriented.
Thoughts of Xander and Buffy flew out of her mind. Angel had kissed her. Angel’s lips had touched her lips and it happened so fast. Too fast. She didn’t get to kiss him back! *What the hell?*
“Cordy?”
“Yes?”
“I asked how was school today.”
*Oh my god! He’s gonna act like he didn’t just kiss me! Well two can play at that buddy.* “Fine. How was your day?”
“Boring. I missed you.” She was smiling when she entered the kitchen. “You bought more blood?”
“Yes”
His muscles tensed. “You didn’t go back there alone, did you?”
“No. I went to our butcher. I’ve gone there before for Anita. I know we still have a lot from last night but I wanted to see what he’d say so I bought a little bit. He only asked me what kind. I bought pig’s blood. He also carries lamb and cow’s blood for future reference. I bought a couple of steaks too. I didn’t know if you’d want one.”
“No thanks.”
“OK. One steak coming up. How hard can it be? I just slap it on a frying pan. I can do that.”
“I’ll do the cooking. Why don’t you go change while I get started?”
“You can cook?”
“Yes. I find it relaxing.”
“OK. Thanks. I’ll be back.”
Angel forced his lungs to take in air. It’d taken more self-control than he knew he possessed to keep the kiss quick and chaste. He finally allowed himself to lick his lips, tasting her. He didn’t want Cordelia to pretend like nothing was going on between them.
He wanted her to think about the possibilities. He needed her to want him before he made her crave his touch.
***
Cordelia came down a short while later. She watched Angel at the stove, his back to her. There were a few spices on the counter. “It smells good.”
“Hopefully it tastes…wow. You look great. Are we going out? I mean other than to the library.” *Please don’t say you have a date with Xander.*
She shrugged. “It’s Friday night. We may decide to hit the Bronze after our researching duty is over for the night. A girl has to be prepared.”
“Did you want to go to the Bronze?”
“It’s the only place in Sunnydale to go to. Besides there’s no school tomorrow.”
“So we can sleep in.”
She blushed at the thought. “Yeah.” She reached into one of her bags and pulled out her garden salad. “They forgot my dressing.” She stomped over to the fridge and began rummaging around. She froze the moment she felt Angel’s chest press against her back.
He reached around her to grab the container of blood. “Excuse me.”
She spun around without thinking so they were chest to chest. Her voice sounded husky to her ears, her heart pounding. “Let me do that.”
He handed her the container. “Thanks.” He leaned in; one hand gripped her hip as the other reached behind her.
She placed her free hand on his chest intending to restrain him but it simply rested there, content to be touching him.
“Looking for this?” He held out a bottle of dressing.
“Yes. Thanks.” She reluctantly removed her hand from his chest to accept the bottle.
“No problem.” He stepped back and returned to the stove.
She remained standing in front of the open refrigerator. The cool air felt good on her heated skin. *You can do this. You can remain in control.*
Her foot kicked the door closed. She opened the container, grabbed a mug and filled it. Some blood dribbled down the side, without thinking she wiped it away with her thumb. She stepped towards the sink intending to wash her hand but Angel caught her wrist.
Angel kept his eyes locked with hers as he raised her hand to his mouth. He closed his lips around her thumb. His tongue swirled around the bloodied digit before gently suckling it.
Her knees went weak as her fantasy collided with reality. She whimpered when he pulled her hand free. She tried to break eye contact but his gaze kept her in place. She hadn’t realized she fisted her other hand in his shirt. Her eyes finally managed to move but instead of looking away, they dropped to his lips, those soft kissable lips.
*God I want you!* Her tongue darted out wetting her lips. He placed a kiss on her palm. He was gently tugging her closer when his senses detected the scent of soon to be burning meat. He turned quickly making Cordelia stumble.
“Damn!” He removed the steak from the flame. “Sorry. It’s a little overcooked but I saved it from burning.”
“My hero.”
He set her plate down. “Do you ever eat at a table?”
“When my parents are home, we eat in the dining room. Otherwise I usually sit at the counter and talk to Anita. Except whenever Aura or Harmony is over, then we sit at the kitchen table. They’d think I was crazy for hanging out with the help.”
“Why?”
“It’s just not done.”
“You do it.”
“Yeah ‘cause I’m not a sheep. Anita has worked for my parents since I was a little girl. She played a larger role in raising me then my parents. She really listens when I talk to her. Did you have any servants?”
“Yes. My father lectured me regularly about my behavior towards our serving girl.”
“Why?”
“I kept trying to get in her skirt.”
“Oh. Did you like her or were you just…”
“A womanizing lush? The latter I’m afraid.”
“You know I never thought I’d say this to anyone but I think I like you better as a vampire. Liam was a lot like most of the guys I’ve dated. What is it about sex that turns men into slobbering idiots?”
Angel didn’t know which part to react to first. “It doesn’t happen to all men. I’m not the man I once was.”
“I know.” She removed the mug from the microwave. “You didn’t stop me from leaving this morning.”
He cupped both hands around the warm mug, trapping her hand in his. “I wanted to.”
His darkened eyes made her gulp. “Your dinner is getting cold.”
He stepped closer. “So is yours.” He heard the hitch in her breathing as he closed the distance. He slowly raised the mug to his lips, letting her hand slip free. His tone changed to light and carefree. “Thanks for my dinner.” He walked around the counter and sat down on the stool across from hers.
She shook her head in confusion. She thought he was going to kiss her and then nothing.
“Your steak is getting cold.” He hid his smirk behind his raised mug.
“Yeah yeah” She snatched the dressing off the counter before joining him.
He watched her take her first bite. “So?”
“It’s good. You should cook for me more often.”
“I can do that. Any dessert today?”
She blushed a bright crimson while muttering something.
He was surprised by her flustered response. “What?”
“I bought some chocolate pudding.” She couldn’t quite meet his eyes.
He continued to watch her eat. It felt good to see her enjoy something he made her. She looked up and caught him staring.
“How come you don’t go vampy when you drink blood? Is it a conscious decision or is it because you don’t need to bite the coffee mug to get it?”
He smiled. “I guess it’s a choice but it isn’t one I really think anymore. It’s pretty much instinctual at this point. I tend to…go vampy when I fight.”
“Or when someone makes you purr.” She winked at him. “It wouldn’t bother me if you did. It’s no big deal.”
“What?”
She rolled her eyes. “If you went vampy while you drank, it wouldn’t bother me. You’re still you, only with sparkly eyes and bumpies.”
“I wouldn’t scare you if I suddenly vamped out in your kitchen?”
“Pfft. Have you forgotten about nearly giving me a heart attack this morning and another one when I came home today, your bumpies don’t even begin to compare with your ability to appear out of thin air. You need a bell for that leash of yours.”
Angel drained his mug as he walked to the sink. He rinsed it out before putting it in the dishwasher. He quietly came up behind her, admiring the smooth skin left bare by her nearly backless shirt. His hands cautiously touched the flawless skin. When she didn’t jump, he wrapped his arms around her waist.
“In case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t worn that leash for days.” He nuzzled her neck. “It doesn’t fit anymore.” He planted a few kisses along her neck, his tongue flicking out to wet the patch of skin behind her ear. “Maybe you could buy me a new one.”
She couldn’t stop the moan from escaping as he nibbled on her earlobe. She arched her neck into his skilled mouth. One hand rose to run through his hair, her nails massaging his scalp. She gasped as blunt teeth bit down on her shoulder. “I’ll start shopping tomorrow.”
He chuckled against her skin. He knew he should stop. His plan was to take things slow. He needed to hear her say she wanted him but her breathy moans were making it impossible for him to stop. Without his permission, his hands began inching up, determined to test the weight of her perfect breasts.
Cordelia knew she should stop him. There was a reason floating around in the back of her mind but she could quite catch it. It was a name or names. She had to try. “We..we…mmmm….we shouldn’t..” He released her so abruptly she started to tumble off her stool.
His hands clutched her hips until she regained her balance. “I’m sorry.”
“For kissing me, for nearly making me fall or for stopping?”
“B and C”
Her mind tried to regain control of her breathing. She watched as he retreated into the shadows created by the waning sunlight.
*Stop thinking so much, Cor. You’re supposed to be young and carefree. People already think you’re selfish and insensitive. What do you have to lose?*
She ripped off the lid to her dessert. Before her better judgment could kick in, she was standing in front of Angel. He finally looked at her. “Do you want some pudding?” She dipped her finger in and brought it to his lips.
His eyes locked with hers as his lips parted. After a moment, he pulled her hand free. “It’s good.”
“Just good?”
“Umm very good.”
She arched a brow. “So which is it? Never mind. I’ll have to decide for myself.”
He attempted to dip his finger in but she placed it on the counter out of his reach. “Cordy?”
“Not like that silly.” She reached up and pulled his head down for a kiss. Her tongue traced his bottom lip begging entry. He happily allowed her to deepen the kiss. Her tongue searched every crevice of his mouth until all traces of chocolate were explored and tasted. She broke the kiss and grabbed the container.
“It is pretty good.” She walked away leaving him stunned. She sat back down and grabbed her spoon. “I love chocolate pudding.” She ignored his hungry looks as she devoured her sugary treat. After a few bites, she innocently asked, “Do you want more?”
Wordlessly he stalked his prey. He snatched her spoon and the pudding.
“Hey Mr. Grabby Hands! That’s mine.”
Angel tossed the spoon in the sink. He swirled his finger in the pudding before bringing it to her lips. He smeared some on her lower lip as he pressed the chocolate covered digit into the warm cavern of her mouth. He groaned at the way her tongue teased the tip. He slid his finger free.
“Chocolaty goodness. Don’t you want any more?”
He tilted her head back. His tongue swept across her bottom lip, sucking on it briefly before his lips settled firmly over hers. He caught her hands as they slipped under his shirt. “There’s no rush. We should take things slow. I don’t want you to do anything you’re gonna regret later.”
“Thinking is overrated.” She tried to yank her hands free.
“No it’s not. I’m not the womanizing lush anymore and you are not a conquest. You’re too good for that and way too important to me to be treated like it.”
“Really?”
“Yes.” He placed a chaste kiss on her lips. “The sun has set. Let me drop a glass of ice water down my pants and then we can go to the library.”
Cordelia giggled at his pained expression. “You make me happy Angel.”
“I what?”
Her hands snaked around his neck. “You make me happy.”
A gorgeous smile stretched across his face. “Really?”
“Yup. Can I keep you?”
He searched her eyes. “Yes.”
The brightness of her smile rivaled his. “Good answer.” Her eyes sparkled. “Can I have one more kiss before we go?”
“I think something can be arranged.” He threaded his fingers in her hair as he lightly brushed his lips against hers.
She groaned in protest. “Angel please.”
“Please what,” he mumbled against her lips.
“Please kiss me.”
Angel pressed her against the counter as her proceeded to attack her mouth. His tongue battled hers for dominance. It was his turn to groan when she cupped his butt, pulling him further into the V of her thighs. One hand left her hair to press against her lower back.
She squeaked when she found herself flush against his hardened form. Her hips instinctively bucked, desperately seeking friction.
His control was rapidly disappearing. Feeling her long luscious legs wrap around him made it impossible to keep his hips from rubbing against her. What was left of his control was grateful she no longer wore a skirt.
Cordelia had never wanted anyone or anything as much as she wanted Angel. Her hand managed to worm its way between their bodies. She gently squeezed the wonderfully hard bulge she found.
He abruptly pulled away.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“If we don’t stop now, I’m going to have you naked and writhing on this kitchen floor.”
She moaned at the mental image. “So?”
“We have someplace we’re supposed to be and…there are some obstacles we haven’t dealt with yet.”
His words hit her like ice water. Xander. She covered her face. She’d been so good until she came home from school. Xander had disappeared from her mind the moment Angel’s lips first touched hers.
He gently tugged her hands down. “We will deal with those obstacles.” He brushed a soft kiss across her lips. “Besides I don’t want the first time I make love to you to be on the kitchen floor. Now the second time is another story.”
She buried her smile in his chest. “It’ll have to wait until I recover.”
“Huh?”
“Buffy is going to break every bone in my body.”
“Cordy, I…”
“Let’s deal with this tomorrow. It’s not like we can walk into the library and announce…we don’t even know what’s happening between us. We’re already late. Let’s just forget everything for now.”
“I don’t want…”
“I just mean for tonight. We have only had a few days together. I’ve been dating Xander for over a year. You and Buffy have this whole star-crossed lover thing going on. We shouldn’t jump to any conclusions. This could be a case of hormones running amuck.”
“I don’t believe that and neither do you.”
She sighed. “No I don’t but I also don’t think we should make any life-altering decisions just yet. OK?”
He didn’t want to agree but he also didn’t want her to have any regrets. He knew she was good for him but is he good for her? He’s a demon. “OK”
She couldn’t help being disappointed that he had agreed with her without a fight.
“Let’s go.”