Part 10
“Cordelia, I intended to speak with you privately as well.” Wesley fidgeted in his chair. He had no desire to incur the young woman’s wrath.
“I simply thought it in the best interests of those involved to discuss the effects of the bond individually. I didn’t want there to be any embarrassment or discord. Your emotions are being affected against your will.”
She stamped down her hurt and smiled. “It’s okay.” Getting angry was pointless. Angel said everything that needed to be said. Except the part about her being a complete and total idiot. “It’s actually kind of a relief.”
“It is?”
“Yeah.” She gripped the frame of the door, her knuckles white. “It explains why Angel has been crowding me lately.”
“I see. Have you been experiencing any effects?”
“There may have been moments where I thought I felt something.” She could feel her stomach churning. “It was definitely freak worthy but I guess it was no big deal. I should’ve known.”
“Then I am glad I spoke up.”
Anger began to overpower the pain. “I am too. I wouldn’t want to ruin my chances with Brian because some ritual from hell decided to mess with my emotions.”
“He seems very nice.”
“He’s wonderful. He took really good care of me last night. I guess my luck is finally changing. I found a nice successful totally hot guy that knows about demons.”
“You deserve to be happy.”
“I agree.” She managed to grin. “I should go call him. I thought we might do something special tonight to make up for last night.”
“I would like to speak to you later.”
“Don’t worry, Wes. Now that I know where I stand, you’ve got nothing to be concerned about. This pathetic excuse for a marriage will be over soon and we can just forget all about this nightmare. If you’ll excuse me, my dream guy is waiting for my call.” Cordelia nearly collapsed before making it to her desk.
“How could I go from being in love with Buffy to falling in love with Cordelia? It had to be magic.”
She should have known there were no deeper feelings on his part.
“Just try to remember that except for your feelings of friendship, everything else isn’t real.”
She only wished that were true. Wesley’s theory was only part right. Until her marriage, she’d been able to ignore her feelings for Angel. It was easy to dismiss every thought beyond friendship. It was merely a matter of reminding herself about the curse.
After he fired her and her anger was more than enough to squash every loving impulse. Now she had no choice but to admit the plain truth. It was never the curse that stood in her way. It was Buffy. It was always Buffy. Cordelia simply didn’t measure up.
Angel had a type and she wasn’t it. Apparently only whiny blondes can capture his eye, as Darla clearly demonstrated.
It took magic for her to be noticed.
***
“Are you alright, Angel? You look a little paler than normal.”
Angel couldn’t move. He’d managed to screw everything up. It was as if one curse was lifted only to be replaced with another. A moment of perfect happiness would never again cost him his soul but the new curse made sure he’d never actually experience another moment of perfect happiness.
How could he be so stupid? How did he not hear her approach? Why did Cordelia choose that moment to appear? He wasn’t in love with Buffy anymore. She had to know that. He hadn’t returned to Sunnydale even though his soul was secure.
“How could I go from being in love with Buffy to falling in love with Cordelia? It had to be magic.”
He hadn’t actually said he was still in love with Buffy. He said it would take magic for Cordelia to be the next woman he fell in love with.
*I wonder if Wesley would stake me if I asked him too.* He glanced up at his new boss.
*I bet he’d do it if I told him I’m in love with Cordelia and I have every intention of winning her heart.* Realization dawned. *This was entirely Wesley’s fault. I only said that to throw him off track.*
“Angel?”
“If either Gunn or I thought you were truly in love with her, we’d… That’s neither here nor there. There’s no point in any unpleasantness.”
*What the hell is so wrong with me being in love with Cordelia?* He needed to get away from Wesley before things turned violent. *This is all his fault!* “I’m fine.”
Wesley watched the tense vampire leave with some trepidation. Angel’s comment was out of line. Cordelia was an extraordinary woman. He couldn’t help being concerned over the lack of anger on her part. And if Angel was still in love with Buffy, why hadn’t he returned to Sunnydale?
Why was being accepted back into his family more important than being with Buffy? His soul had been secure before the marriage even took place.
“Hey Wes. What’s up?”
“Gunn, I’m glad you’re here. I just spoke to Angel.”
“How did it go?”
“I’m not entirely sure. Cordelia interrupted.”
“Damn. I’m not sorry I missed that. You know how she hates being discussed.”
“Actually she was rather calm about it.”
“Then why did I have to say hello five times before I received a response, if you call nodding a response?”
Wesley rubbed his chin with his thumb and forefinger. “If she were upset, she’d say something. Cordelia has never been one to hold back.”
“I guess. What did the vamp say about last night?”
“Well we never really got a chance to discuss it in detail.”
“Is that your way of sayin’ I won’t get to fight next time either?”
“He’s been made aware of the situation. I’m sure he’ll handle her next vision differently.” Wes removed his glasses and began polishing them. “Angel insinuated that it would require magic for Cordelia to replace Buffy in his heart.”
“Damn.”
“And Cordelia overheard him.”
“Double damn!” Gunn began searching the floor.
“What are you looking for?”
“For the pile of dust Barbie reduced the vamp into. He actually said that?”
“Yes.”
“And he isn’t dust?”
“No.”
Gunn rubbed his bald head. “Am I the only one who finds that strange?”
“No. There was no angry response from Cordelia. Angel never even acknowledged her presence. If the bond was affecting him, why wasn’t he stuttering an apology? If she was being affected, why wasn’t she angry? That comment was rather harsh. Cordelia is an extraordinary woman.”
“What do your books say? How bad are the effects supposed to be?”
“Well actually,” he cleared his throat, “I haven’t found any documentation about any emotional side effects that begin before the bond is completed.”
“But you said..”
“It was a theory. It makes perfect sense considering their recent behavior, more so on Angel’s part. Before… the estrangement, he was protective of her but not to the extent he is now. If anything it was Cordelia who was fiercer in her protectiveness but that was due to the curse. A woman in Angel’s life could have disastrous results. She lived through Angelus’s last reign of terror. Her behavior back then was completely understandable.”
“What about after the vamp came crawling back? He was pretty desperate for her friendship and that was before the big wedding.”
“Yes but he was after her friendship. There have never been any romantic gestures on either side.”
Gunn began rubbing his head again. “Have I missed something? I don’t remember any romantic gestures now.”
“Angel’s possessiveness is actually a romantic gesture on a basic vampire level. Perhaps romantic isn’t the right word but you get my meaning. Cordelia did mention that Angel has been crowding her lately. On her part, it was the truce that had me concerned. She was the one that didn’t want to sweep everything under the rug. She was so angry with him for abandoning us and the mission. Then out of the blue she declared bygones and demanded we be nice as well.”
“Yeah that kinda shocked me too.”
“Plus I didn’t want what was happening to ruin her new relationship.”
“Brian seems cool.”
“I’m sure my theory is correct. It makes sense.”
“Whatever. The brains are your department.”
Wesley nodded to himself. “I’m sure I’m right.”
***
Angel slammed his fist into the punching bag. His whole morning kept replaying in his head. Waking up with Cordelia in his arms, Wesley interrupting his brooding session, Wesley’s stupid theory, Cordelia overhearing their conversation, and last but certainly not least every word she uttered about the wonderfulness of Brian, it was like some nightmarish joke.
“The bond is affecting you both. I had hoped this wouldn’t be the case and the bond would have no side effects unless it was completed. Apparently I was wrong. The effects for you are amplified by you being a vampire. Your possessiveness is in response to the artificial feelings that the bond has created. I suspect it’s a built-in clause, almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy. The bond is trying to force you to complete it.”
The chain the bag hung on squeaked under the barrage of powerful blows. Doubt began to creep into his heart. There was a possibility that Wesley was right. The bond may be affecting them. Angel knew his feelings were just that, his feelings.
The bond hadn’t created them. If anything, it was the appearance of another man that forced him to admit his feelings, at least to himself. What if the bond was affecting him only its effects were negligible because he was already in love with her? What if the only one truly being affected was Cordelia?
“It’s actually kind of a relief.”
What if all their close moments were due to the bond affecting her?
“It explains why Angel has been crowding me lately.”
“Have you been experiencing any effects?”
“There may have been moments where I thought I felt something. It was definitely freak worthy but I guess it was no big deal. I should’ve known.”
What if she meant everything she said?
“Don’t worry, Wes. Now that I know where I stand, you’ve got nothing to be concerned about. This pathetic excuse for a marriage will be over soon and we can just forget all about this nightmare. If you’ll excuse me, my dream guy is waiting for my call.”
What if she was really falling for Brian? What if after their annulment was final he never got to hold Cordelia in his arms again? What if he never got to tell her how he felt?
“How could I go from being in love with Buffy to falling in love with Cordelia? It had to be magic.”
What if the small sliver of a chance he might have had with her was gone because he is the stupidest vampire ever to walk the earth?
The chain snapped sending the bag crashing into the far wall. “What if I lose her?” Angel dropped to his knees, panting for breath he didn’t need. “What if I’ve already lost her?”
***
Cordelia was exhausted and it was only 5 o’clock. She’d spent the day avoiding Angel, acting normal around Wes and Gunn, lecturing herself on how stupid she was, and attempting to comfort herself by blaming the bond for her feelings. Except for the last part, she’d been successful.
Much to her relief, Wesley hadn’t followed through with his threat. He hadn’t brought the subject of her marriage up again. She hated lying to him. Fortunately Gunn followed Wesley’s lead. It was hard enough lying to Wesley. She knew she’d never be able to face both of them and lie. They were her family. Wesley and Gunn had gotten her through some of the toughest times of her life and for her that was saying a lot.
There had been a time she would have said asking Russell Winters what he wanted her to do was the lowest point of her life, lower than finding Xander locked in a passionate embrace with Willow, lower than the IRS seizing her family’s assets, lower than stealing sandwiches from parties so she could eat, lower than being impregnated by a human acting as a demon surrogate, and lower than being trapped in a never-ending vision.
Angel’s beige period showed her one new all-time low after another, one night in particular standing out. Wesley and Gunn had helped her through each and every low point. Lying to them made her heart ache even more.
“How could I go from being in love with Buffy to falling in love with Cordelia? It had to be magic.”
“Stop thinking about Angel. C’mon Cor. You don’t need him anymore. Keep your promise.” She grabbed her most recent splurge, a matching bra and panty set from Victoria’s Secret. The delicate lace and satin felt good against her skin. Brian wasn’t gonna know what hit him.
***
Gunn’s sharp whistle echoed through the lobby. “You look hot.”
“You do look quite beautiful.”
Cordelia twirled for them once she reached the bottom of the stairs. “Do you think Brian will like it?” Her hands smoothed down the low-cut fire engine red dress. She hadn’t worn it in ages, not since Doyle had warned her she’d attract every vampire in a twenty mile radius.
“Unless he’s gone blind, he’ll love it.” Gunn slowly circled her, inspecting the way it hugged her body. “Maybe you should put something overtop of it? It may get chilly later. A sweater would be a good idea. What do you think, Wes?”
“Excellent suggestion. An ankle length coat wouldn’t be amiss either.” The soft material barely kissed her knees. “We wouldn’t want your legs to get cold. I do believe there is a bug going around.”
“I heard the same thing. You shouldn’t go out without socks on.” He looked down at her feet. “Socks might not look right with those strappy things. You know what would look great? Sneakers.”
“Gunn, don’t be silly. She couldn’t possibly wear sneakers with that dress. Now if she wore sweats instead, then sneakers would be an appropriate choice.”
“You’re right. I always thought she looked pretty fine in her gray sweats.”
“You mean the one with the hooded sweatshirt?”
“Yeah. You should change into that. There’s nothing sexier than a woman who’s comfortable.”
“Right you are, Gunn.”
“Are you two idiots finished?” She tried to glare but the smile wouldn’t leave her face.
“I don’t think she’s goin’ for it, Wes.”
“So it would appear.”
“Can’t blame a guy for tryin’. Where is the accountant takin’ you tonight?”
“Tonight is my treat. I wanted to make up for last night.” And forget about Angel, she silently added.
“I hardly think Brian feels you have anything to make up for. It’s not as if you purposely had a vision to get out of dancing.”
“I know. He pretty much said the same thing over the phone but I can’t help feeling like I’ve been holding us back.”
“You’ve only known him a short while. There’s no time table when it comes to relationships.”
She rolled her eyes. “Tell me something I don’t know, Wes.” She began pacing. “I think I’ve been overly cautious with him. Maybe not overly, I mean with my track record caution is a necessity, but Brian… he was really wonderful last night. He is exactly what I need in a guy and with Lorne’s stamp of approval; I think I’m in the clear.”
“In the clear?”
“Yes.” She met Wesley’s inquisitive gaze. “It’s okay to let some of my walls down.” Brian won’t hurt me like Angel will, she silently cried.
“If you’re becoming serious, perhaps Gunn and I should join this evening. I’d like to get to know him in a more relaxed setting. Our first meeting..”
“You mean inquisition.”
“Yes well I suppose we were rather…”
“Harsh?”
“I think overzealous is a more fitting word. So about tonight..’
“Not gonna happen. At least not tonight. I’ll mention it. Maybe we can all go out tomorrow.”
Wes nodded in approval. “So what time is the lucky man picking you up?”
“He’s not. I told you tonight is my treat.”
“Woah. If he’s not pickin’ you up, you better put on a jacket before you leave the hotel.”
She rolled her eyes. “The sun hasn’t even set yet and..”
“Cordelia, there are dangers out there that have nothing to do with vampires.”
“Geez. I know what’s out there.” She walked around the counter and grabbed the coat hanging on the back of her chair. “I was planning to wear a coat. Brian’s the only guy I want admiring my dress.” I don’t even care that Angel’s not around to see me, she silently added. “I already called for a cab.” She glanced down at her watch. “Which should be here any second.”
As if on cue, a horn blared signaling the cab’s arrival
Cordelia grabbed her purse. “Brian will drive me back so no worrying. I’ll be back before dawn.” She disappeared out the door with a wave.
“I knew you were worryin’ over nothing, English. She’s fine.”
“Me? You were the one who was watching her like a hawk all day.”
“The way she was avoiding the vamp made me nervous.”
“I’m sure she was just feeling a little embarrassed. She admitted to being affected. Admitting her feelings, even false ones, has never been easy for Cordelia.”
“That’s not what you said before. You were worried too.”
“Well I was slightly concerned about her lack of reaction to Angel’s comment. It was very unlike her.”
“What’s the big deal about that Buffy girl anyway?”
“Buffy and Cordelia’s friendship had sort of a competitive nature to it. I’m not entirely sure what it was based on. I do know that Buffy was the first girl that ever made Cordelia feel inferior.”
“I repeat, what’s the big deal about that Buffy girl anyway?”
Angel disappeared back down the stairs to hang the punching bag up for the sixth time. Each time it fell, he went upstairs to speak to Cordelia, intending to set the record straight. He had no idea how she felt but he needed her to know he hadn’t meant what she’d overheard. As soon as he set foot in the lobby, she would avoid him by going into the bathroom or into the office and he would return to the basement.
After the bag hit the wall again, he decided to try one more time. He froze the moment he reached the lobby. The sight of Cordelia held him mesmerized but it was her words that stopped him from making his presence known.
“I think I’ve been overly cautious with him. Maybe not overly, I mean with my track record caution is a necessity, but Brian… he was really wonderful last night. He is exactly what I need in a guy and with Lorne’s stamp of approval; I think I’m in the clear.”
“In the clear?”
“Yes. It’s okay to let some of my walls down.”
Angel picked up the bag for the seventh time.
***
“I’m sorry. Dennis promised he’d be good.”
Brian rubbed his head. “That’s okay. My sister hates it when I ask questions during a movie too. She usually throws popcorn at me instead of a pillow.”
“His aim isn’t very good with popcorn.” Cordelia leaned in and kissed the spot where the pillow struck, pushing her thoughts of Angel away. “Better?”
His head turned slightly, their lips only inches apart. “Much better.”
She closed the distance and captured his lips. Her tongue swept in the moment his lips parted.
Brian slid his hand to the base of her neck and took control of the kiss. His groan was lost in the cavern of her mouth as she shifted to straddle his lap.
She took his free hand and placed it on her thigh.
He broke the kiss. His darkened eyes locked with hers. “Maybe we should slow down.”
“I have a better idea.” She stood and pulled him to his feet. “Let’s get more comfortable.” Cordelia gripped his hands tighter as she walked backwards towards her bedroom.
“There’s no rush.” He’d been a little surprised by how affectionate she’d been since he arrived, not that he was complaining. “Dinner was wonderful.”
She grinned. “I know my takeout.”
“Tonight has been great. I don’t want you to do anything you’re not ready for. I’m not going anywhere.”
“That’s good to know.” She unzipped her dress and let it fall to the floor. “I wouldn’t want you to do anything you’re not ready for either.”
Brian wondered if he’d swallowed his tongue. Tempting flawless golden skin barely concealed by red lace and satin drew him in. The urge to touch, taste, explore, to worship her beauty robbed him of his thoughts. “What were we talking about?”
Her arms snaked around his neck, pressing her breasts to his chest. “I believe you were trying to tell me you don’t want me.” Through hooded eyes, she gazed into his, her lips curled in a pout.
“You must be mistaken. I can’t imagine saying something as insane as that.”
Cordelia pressed her hips to his. “Does this mean you do want me?”
“You have no idea how much.”
“Then show me.”
“You’re so beautiful.”
***
“Angel, behind you!”
Angel barely managed to dodge the crushing blow. “Thanks.”
“No problem.” Gunn turned to Wesley, who was attempting to herd a group of people cowering in the corner further away from the battle. “English, I think you forgot to ask a few important questions.” He rested his weight on the handle of his axe, exhausted.
“I got as much information as I could before we were cut off.” He glanced over at the vampire struggling to fend off the large demon covered in scales. The scales seem to act like body armor. “The man on the phone didn’t mention the scales or the large spiked club. He only said there was a big monster in his restaurant. He gave me the address and hung up. Getting here quickly seemed more important than looking up the phone number to call back for more information.”
“If we make it out of this alive, I’m gonna find that guy and kick his ass. We could have called my crew for some extra help if we’d known this thing was so… scaly. My axe keeps bouncing off.”
Before he could respond, Gunn charged back in. Wesley couldn’t get the people to safety. The demon blocked the main exit. The rear exit was blocked by a balcony that had collapsed before they arrived. He got them as far away from the fight as possible before joining in. He remained at a distance, using his crossbow. The bolts continued to bounce off the demon’s hard exterior.
Without warning Angel doubled over in pain, vomiting blood. The demon took advantage of his weakened state. His club connected with Angel’s back, one of the spikes tearing a deep gash in his back.
“Wes!” Gunn did his best to draw the demon’s attention away from the fallen vampire.
Wesley grabbed Angel’s sword and charged in.
“What the hell is wrong with him?” He could hear Angel groaning in between throwing up.
“I don’t know.” Wesley was struck in his chest with an incredibly strong arm. He flew through the air and landed on a table. The wood splintered beneath him. With no time to focus on the pain, he climbed to his feet and charged again.
***
Cordelia paced the lobby. She’d never been so embarrassed or so angry. The priest said the bond required monogamy, but he’d definitely insinuated that it didn’t apply until after it was completed. She needed answers. “Where the hell is Wes? Doesn’t anybody answer their cell phone anymore?”
“Did you have a pleasant evening?”
“Don’t start with me? I have never…” Her words trailed off as her breath was rushed out in a gasp.
“My night wasn’t that great.” Angel tossed his broadsword on the floor, too angry to care about the weapon.
“What happened?”
“The funniest thing happened while I was battling a nine-foot demon. I doubled over and began vomiting blood. I don’t normally do that.” It had only taken him seconds to figure out why he’d gotten sick. He just knew what Cordelia had done or at least attempted to do. “You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”
Her anger sparked at the flash of yellow in his eyes. “It’s not my fault. That priest never said the monogamy thing started right away. How was I supposed to know what would happen?” As far as she was concerned Angel shared the blame. If she hadn’t been so determined to rid her thoughts of his touch, she would never have rushed into that level intimacy.
Well tried to anyway. “You’re still alive or should I say still dead and walking?”
Anger, hurt, jealousy and possessiveness warred within him. “Next time you have the overwhelming urge to get laid; could you give me a little warning?”
“That’s none of your business!”
“Fine! If you don’t give a damn about me, then do it for Wes and Gunn. They were almost killed tonight because you couldn’t keep your legs together!” He refused to feel remorse at her flinch.
“If you can’t control your selfishness for them either, then do it for the innocent people who could have died tonight. You remember the helpless, don’t you? Or do they not matter now that you found your dream guy?” He slowly began to climb the stairs to his room, ignoring the crying woman in the lobby.
“Where are Gunn and Wes?” her words came out in a frightened whisper.
“Your concern is touching.” He turned the corner and disappeared from sight.
Cordelia was about to follow when a bruised, battered and bleeding Wesley and Gunn walked through the doors.
Wesley immediately noticed the distraught brunette. “Cordy, are you alright? What happened?”
She rushed into his arms sobbing. “I’m..I’m so.. so sorry.” She clutched him as if he might disappear.
He staggered under her weight, his legs still a little shaky. “Shh. It’s okay. We’re both fine.”
“Yeah Barbie. English and I kicked some demon ass tonight.” He winced as he tried to move his arm. “If I ever complain about Angel not sharing the fighting again, hit me.”
“This is all my fault.” She stepped out of Wesley’s embrace and helped them to the red couch.
“No it’s not.”
“Yes it is, Wes. You don’t know what I did.”
“I think I can hazard a guess. I was under the impression that particular clause wouldn’t go into effect until after the bond was completed or I would have advised you against such intimacies, not that I expected you to…” His words trailed off as her tears began flowing again. “That wasn’t a judgement.”
“I was reckless. I should have known the risk and acted responsibly.”
Gunn reached out and squeezed her hand. “We don’t expect you to call to give us a play by play.”
“You could’ve been killed.” She hurried to get the first aid kit.
“You didn’t know, Cordelia. None of us expected this.”
Cordelia methodically began treating their wounds. None were life threatening but she knew if they were this banged up, the fight had been bad. Had it only been a few hours since she was thinking about how important the two injured men were to her. She wasn’t sure she could have gotten through the past year without them.
They were her family. They were her strength when she felt weak. They were more important to her than her own life, her happiness. She could have gotten them killed. The realization kept repeating itself in her head.
“So did you get sick during or after?”
She was startled by Wesley’s blunt question. The curious former watcher deserved an answer considering he’d almost died as a result of her actions. “We barely got passed the… petting stage when I threw up on him.”
Gunn bit his bottom lip to stop himself from laughing. “You threw up on him?”
“Yeah. It was so embarrassing.”
“What did he do?” The corners of Wesley’s mouth twitched up.
“Once I stopped vomiting, I explained the situation. He and Dennis helped to clean me up. I was pretty weak for a while afterwards.” A pang of guilt shot through her knowing Angel experienced the same thing. “He dropped me off here a little while ago.”
“Wow. He cleaned you up and he drove you here? He’s a keeper.” No longer able to suppress his laughter, Gunn burst out laughing.
Wesley quickly followed suit.
“It’s not funny. You guys could have been killed.” She couldn’t believe they were laughing.
“You’re right. It’s not funny.” Wesley’s laughter only got louder.
***
“You should take a look at Angel’s wounds as well.” Wesley allowed Cordelia to help him into bed. His room in the Hyperion was sparsely decorated but he rarely stayed in it.
“I don’t think he wants me anywhere near him right now.”
“I’m sure he’s calmed down. His mind is a little clouded by the bond’s effects. He feels betrayed, even though deep down he knows he has no reason to feel so. I’m sure logic and reason have returned. You’ve dressed my wounds as well as Gunn’s, who was probably sound asleep before you even shut his door.”
“He was snoring before I turned off the lights.”
“Most of Angel’s injuries have probably closed but there was one in particular that was rather deep.”
“If it needs a bandage, he’s probably already done it.”
“I doubt he was able to reach it. Just take a look at it before getting some sleep yourself.”
“OK.” She leaned down and placed a kiss on his forehead. “G’night.”
Wesley looked up into her sad eyes. “Stop blaming yourself. You had no idea what would happen and you most certainly had no idea that we’d been called out on a case. This isn’t your fault.” He squeezed her trembling hand. “Please believe that.”
She nodded halfheartedly. “I’ll check on you in the morning.” Cordelia managed to hold in her tears until she reached the hallway. She gasped for breath as the events of the day began to overwhelm her. She almost got Wesley and Gunn killed. She almost got innocent people slaughtered. She almost got Angel killed.
Her knees buckled sending her crashing to the floor. The three most important people in her life almost died because she was trying to erase Angel’s hold on her heart. She hadn’t even given a second thought to the possible consequences. Even after she’d gotten sick, she only thought of her embarrassment and her anger that Wesley hadn’t warned her.
She hugged her knees and tried to stop her tears. Crying wasn’t going to change anything. She’d been selfish and Wesley, Gunn and Angel paid the price for it. “Get a grip, Cor. Wes and Gunn have been bandaged and put into bed. Go check on Angel. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. That’s what got them hurt in the first place.” She rose to her feet with grim determination. Angel still needed tending.
***
Angel didn’t open his eyes at the sound of the door opening. He didn’t acknowledge Cordelia’s presence as she moved around the room. He didn’t move when her hands touched his back. He didn’t breathe in her scent for fear of what he might detect. His demon was too close to the surface, demanding she be shown to whom she belongs.
Cordelia tried to focus on the task at hand. She refused to think about how close the wound was to his heart or how deep it was. She refused to think about how still he was beneath her fingertips. He normally forced his lungs to breathe when they were alone together in his room, not that she was or had ever thought about it.
Once the bandage was taped into place, her fingertips began searching for more wounds. She pulled the sheet down revealing her husband clad only in his boxers. He was covered in bruises that would be gone by morning.
He inhaled a sharp intake of air despite his intentions not to. Her scent caused a deep growl to rumble through his chest. She was covered in another man’s scent far greater than ever before. The fact she hadn’t actually had sex was no comfort to his rage. She only stopped because she’d gotten sick.
She snatched her hands away as if she’d been burned. “I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”
“Yes.” He stopped himself from saying how deeply.
“I.. I didn’t mean to.” She could feel tears prick her eyes. “I’m so sorry. Please I..”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I..”
“If you’re so sorry, take a shower before coming to bed. Your smell only makes things worse. I guess now I know why you dressed like that.”
Her gaze dropped to her dress, worn to seduce another man. “I.. I’ll go shower.” She fled into the bathroom. She stripped out the wretched dress and tossed it in the trash. “I’ll get clean.”
Angel listened to the running water. He tried to calm himself but it hurt. It hurt so much. She tried to make love to another man. Another man’s hands had been touching her. A growl ripped through the air. He dismissed the small voice reminding him of his night with Darla. It wasn’t the same. He hadn’t realized he was in love with Cordelia yet. Now he knew.
His anger turned inward. This was his fault. He pushed her away with his thoughtless comment intended only for Wesley’s benefit. He hadn’t cleared up the misunderstanding like he knew he should have done. He had no idea if that had played a part in Cordelia’s actions. Was it just yesterday he’d gone into the bathroom? Was it just yesterday that they nearly kissed? Was it just last night that he held her in his arms? He’d lost her, without ever having known if he’d had her to begin with.
***
Cordelia quietly slipped into bed. Her skin was raw from the hot water and scrubbing. It had taken nearly thirty minutes before she felt clean. It made sense that the king of brood could smell a person’s guilt. She could hardly blame him for being disgusted with her. She nearly got the people she claimed to care about killed.
She tried to stifle her sobs with her fist. Her family was all she had in the world. They were more important to her than anything.
He couldn’t block out her pain any longer. He knew he wasn’t being fair to her. She hadn’t known. She hadn’t betrayed him. She hadn’t been unfaithful. He had no claim on her. She didn’t owe him anything. His hand began to slide up and down her bare arm soothing the tremors. “Shh. It’s okay.”
She spun around and buried her face in his chest. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I’m not the spoiled selfish girl I once was. I’m not. I didn’t know.”
“Of course you’re not.” He rubbed circles on her back. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you. You didn’t do anything wrong. None of us knew that would happen. Shh.”
“No. I was stupid. I didn’t even want to do it. I was so mad.”
“What?” He pushed her away slightly so he could see her eyes. “Did Brian try to hurt you?” The thought that she hadn’t been willing had never occurred to him.
“No. He was wonderful and understanding.” She couldn’t meet his penetrating stare. “I wasn’t mad at Brian.”
His fears confirmed; she was mad at him. “I didn’t mean what I said to Wesley. He was being protective of you and I.. I wanted him to think he was right. I wanted him to think I couldn’t have feelings for you.” Angel wasn’t ready to confess the complete truth yet. Everything was still so muddled. “He basically threatened me. Well maybe not aloud but it was definitely implied that my unlife would not be pleasant if I even considered pursuing you romantically.”
“Wesley said that?”
“Not in so many words but he made it clear that he and Gunn did not think me worthy of you. I can’t say that I blame them. I’m not worthy. Look how I treated you tonight. I’m sorry.” He wiped her tears away with his thumb.
“No. I’m sorry. I was stupid. I could’ve gotten you killed. Wesley and Gunn were hurt because of me.”
“Actually they were hurt because of the demon we were fighting. Who’s to say they wouldn’t have been just as hurt had I not collapsed.”
She clutched the strong hands cradling her face. “I’m sorry.”
“No more apologies.” He dropped a kiss on each eye. “No more tears.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “No more guilt.” He kissed her chin. “No more recriminations.”
Her heart began to race faster with each kiss.
He felt her panting whisper across his face. He hungered to rescue the plump lower lip trapped by her teeth. His thumb traced the edge of that tempting lip, so tempting. Before logic could stop him, his mouth brushed against hers, barely touching. The almost kiss sent electric shocks through his system only serving to make him hungrier.
He captured her lips with a groan, his tongue plunging in, demanding in its exploration. With one taste, he became addicted. He needed to know, to possess every inch of her. He rolled her onto her back, pressing her pliant form to the mattress. Both hands held her head in place as he ravaged her mouth.
Air would soon become an issue but the thought of ending the kiss was too unbearable to think of. Her hands began to explore her long-awaited captor, letting her mind shut down in sweet surrender.
He hissed in pain as her hands clutched his wounded back, breaking the kiss. He stared into her eyes, almost black with desire.
“I’m sorry.”
“You are?” Fear crept up his spine.
She looked up in confusion. “I forgot about your back.”
“Oh right.” Her kiss-swollen lips begged to be kissed longer, harder. “You’re so beautiful.” He captured her lips again.
Had it only been an hour since Brian had said the very same words, since Brian had followed those words with his kisses? Was she really about to finish what she’d been unable to finish with another man? What did that say about her? What about the bond? Was she really ready to bind her life to Angel for an eternity? Did she even know how Angel truly felt?
She pushed against his chest. “Stop.”
“What’s the matter? Did I do something wrong?”
“No.” She bit her lip. “I don’t think this is such a good idea. We don’t even know what this means. The bond, I’m still confused about its effects.” Being bound for eternity meant what exactly, she wondered.
Angel reared back like he’d been struck. She still wasn’t sure if her feelings were simply being caused by magic or they were real. “Fine.” He rolled onto his side with his back to her. “Good night.”
“Angel, I..”
“We can talk in the morning. I’m tired.”
“But..”
“Let’s just forget it. I don’t understand the magic affecting us any better than you.”
His angry words stung. “Fine!” She turned away.
They both closed their eyes and willed sleep to come. Neither knowing what had stopped the other.
***