Who Said You Only Live Once? 21-23

Part 21

“I’m sorry about Angel earlier.” Cordelia faced Duncan. “He didn’t mean anything by it. Even under the best circumstances he isn’t the most social guy and, well,” she shrugged, “he just got back. And you have understand he just got back and the reason he went was horrible and he was hurting and now with everything else.” Cordelia smiled apologetically.

“Cordy, you don’t have to apologize for the vampire.” Duncan gently caressed her shoulder. “Are you sure you want to go down into that dark basement? It’s a beautiful day and I know how you like the sun.”

“I…”

“MacLeod’s right. Don’t apologize for me.”

“Then you do it and STOP sneaking.” Cordelia jumped.

“Ready.” Angel headed for the basement.

Cordelia rolled her eyes. “Ignore him, I knew he woke up too early. His pig cocktail soothing effects mustn’t have kicked in.” Cordelia moved after the vampire.

“Cordy.”

“See ya, later Duncan. Take advantage of not having to waste your morning with me.” Cordelia smiled.

Duncan sighed knowing that his practice time Cordelia was never was a waste.


Part 22

“Why are you being such a jerk?” Cordelia stomped down the stairs of the basement.

Angel turned his sword in his hand. “I can’t go outside.”

Okay that caused her to stop in her tracks. Angel not being able to go outside couldn’t be the cause of his jerkdom, otherwise he’d be a jerk every minute of every day from sunrise to sunset, and he wasn’t.

Sometimes, he was actually very wonderful, when not broody, socially inept or a dumbass and even then he wasn’t jerk- not counting a good portion of last year but that had nothing to do with going outside just a dead, human, dead whining blonde. Cordelia scrunched her face at the pacing vampire.

“I could put more lights up. There are those sun ones, you’d be okay with that, right?” Angel looked up to the ceiling imagining hanging bright lights manufacturing sunlight for Cordelia.

Cordelia blinked, her tongue wetting her suddenly dry lips. Her vampire was being wonderful again and stupid.

“Sure, why not. It’s pretty dark down here. Get the sun lamps and we might even be able to grow real ones of these.” Cordelia fingered a bright plastic flower.

“Where’d those come from?” Angel stared at the fake plant and all the others ones placed around the basement.

“Surprise.” Cordelia smiled. “I thought bringing some life, well some semblance of life, would brighten the dank atmosphere.”

“You‘ve been practicing down here?”

“Not for me, silly, for you when you got back- Viola, you’re back.” Her grin widened. “Do you like?”

“I…” Angel just stared. “Cordy, I can’t…”

“Go outside. Duh, did you just figure that out. Are we going to do it?”

“Do it?” Angel’s eyes jerked up from the plastic flowers to Cordy’s hazel ones.

“Practice. Geez.” Cordelia swung up her sword.

Angel blinked incomprehensibly at the weapon in her hand.

“Sword fighting,” waving the blade in the air.

“Right,” Angel nodded. “I just thought,” he looked around the dark room.

“Lights could work.” Cordelia followed his gesture. “But, Angel, I don’t need the sun to swing a sword.” She patted him gently on the arm.

“You do like the sunlight.”

“Sure when it’s on a beach and I’m laying there in my itty-bitty bikini soaking in the rays with a pretty drink and next to a hot guy, well, we only got two out of three here, so no need for sun.” She shrugged.

It took Angel a minute to tick off her sun requirements. No pretty drink and no bikini. Though, Angel wasn’t so sure Cordelia’s spandex works out pants and midriff t-shirt could leave any more to the imagination than an itty-bitty bikini. Angel’s eyes traveled up and down Cordelia’s form. How itty-bitty was itty-bitty? Wait. That was two. Did Cordy just say he was a hot guy?

“Angel?” Cordelia bit her lip and kicked at the dirt.

Angel cocked his head at her sudden nervousness. He thought that was limited to him. “Cordy?”

“Tell me about your trip. Are you really okay? You’ve been acting weird. Is that why? I know it can’t have been easy. Will you talk to me now? Please.” Cordelia blinked up at the vampire.

“Nevermind.” Cordelia looked back at her feet. It wasn’t fair. She told Angel about her fear about being a killer. Cordelia sighed. Who was she kidding? When was life ever fair?

The vampire was the perfect example. He had tried so hard so many times and life just kept kicking him. How could she ever thing that she could help him through Buffy’s death. Buffy wasn’t just some woman that he loved, she had been his hope. Cordelia had figured that out even back in Sunnydale.

Angel reached out and gently took Cordelia’s hand. He lead her too the bench along the wall. “I told you about the monk demons, so I guess you figured out it wasn’t completely peaceful.” He said lightly.

Cordelia looked up at the vampire. She squeezed her smile in. She stayed quiet as she intertwined her fingers with Angel’s. He was going to talk.

“But in between that ‘fun’, I had a chance to think, really think…It’s amazing how conducive a dark ship hold is for thinking,” he tried a soft smile in Cordelia’s direction. “I am okay, it’s just that…. I feel guilty…surprise, uh.” Angel’s smile got bigger.

“Guilty?” Cordelia blinked and drew her hand back. “Guilty because you weren’t there to save her. I wish…I…” Cordelia’s head fell.

Angel re-gripped her hand, pulling her face back to his with his other hand. “I went to Pylea because I had to, I had to save you. YOU have nothing to feel guilty about and that’s not why I feel guilty.”

Cordelia blinked at the tears that were suddenly forming. For a dense ass vampire, Angel could know exactly what she was thinking. “Angel, if you had been here…”

“Then it would’ve been one day too long before you were home and Buffy would’ve still died. You heard Willow, they didn’t call…and I would’ve never left you in a hell-dimension.”

“But, Angel…”

“Don’t Cordy, I did what I had to do, what I would do it again, no matter what. I…I need you Cordy so you see you can’t leave.”

“Leave?” Cordelia had long forgotten her earlier dilemma.

“I heard Fred’s babble about France before Gunn shushed her up. You aren’t going with MacLeod.”

“I’m not your seer.”

“I don’t care. The visions aren’t who you are or why I need you. They’re just after products like…..”

“Did you just compare me to a car?”

“A very nice one.” Angel gently smiled.

Cordelia hmmphed with less than her usual indignation.

Angel held her hand tightly as the room became silent.

Cordelia looked up. “You still haven’t explained why you feel guilty, other than that’s a normal feeling for your brood-self.” She said softly.

Angel leaned back against the wall, keeping Cordelia’s hand gripped in his. “I loved Buffy, I hadn’t cared for anyone as much as her and then she was gone. It hurt and I also realized that I could still live. How was that possible? I didn’t know so I left hoping to figure it out.”

“Angel,” Cordelia turned cupping his face. “Of course, you loved her, she was your dream of the future, but, Angel, she wouldn’t want you to go back into the broody sewer pathetic mode. She would want you to go on with your life, your mission. That’s honoring her, living is honoring her not betraying her.”

“I figured that out.” Angel smiled softly.

“Oh.” Cordelia squirmed a bit at her show of emotion.

“I also figured out that I moved on and that did make me feel guilty. I hadn’t believed that would happen, but it did. Her death hurt but it wasn’t has devastating as I thought.”

“Angel, it’s all right. You’re allowed to move on.” Cordelia kept the surprise out of her voice. Angel had moved on from Buffy? When did that happen? Why was she the last to know?

“It feels wrong somehow.”

“Angel.” Cordelia turned to the vampire.

“But, I also know its right. It’s just hard to forget.”

“Angel, don’t forget, you can’t, never do that- that would be a betrayal. Buffy wasn’t my best friend, in the most generous stretch of the imagination, but you loved her and she was a major hero on the world scale barometer, even in my high school bitchy days I was able to pick up on that little fact. Buffy needs to be remembered, her life needs to be honored and I can’t think of a better way than to continue on with your mission. Granted, at first glance you seemed to be polar opposites- vampire- slayer- but you are on the same side. You can’t give up.”

“I wasn’t planning to.” Angel decided not to explain his major insight to the young woman that was the subject of the insight. Cordelia’s eyes pleaded with him to agree. Angel sat still realizing that his particular insight kept changing and expanding every time he was in Cordelia’s presence. It had gone from recognizing a need, to seeing her amazing attractiveness to just the necessity of knowing Cordelia would always remain in his line of senses at all time.

“Yoa, Angel, Cordy.” Gunn bellowed from top of the stairs.

Angel kept hold of Cordelia’s hand as he went to the foot of the stops. “Yeah, what? We’re busy.”

“Right, got that, but hey new case, thought you’d be interested, was it ‘my bad?’”

“No.” Cordelia shouted up the stairs. “We’ll be up.” Cordelia bit her lip. “No time like the present to get back with life, business and the whole shebang. The sword stuff will have to wait till later.”’

Angel looked to the sword. “I meant it when I said that I would be training you from now on.”

“Angel,” Cordelia leaned up caressing his stern expression. “It’s okay to live. So, let’s go live, we can do the sword thingy later. Clients are a major start. It’s a living.” She tilted her head.

Angel nodded refusing to let go of her fingers.


Part 23

Angel paused at the bottom of the steps giving a slight tug to Cordelia’s hand. The young woman turned in her ascent her brow raised in question.

“I mean it, Cordy. You’re not training with MacLeod anymore.” Despite Angel’s contentment at sharing a preciously close moment with Cordelia, Angel wasn’t sidetracked from his earlier objective. Angel had to make sure that Cordelia understood that his intentions to train her weren’t for that particular day only.

He had thought he made it clear the night before, but obviously not if she had been about to practice with the Immortal before Angel interrupted Duncan’s attempt to take Cordy away into the sunlit garden. A growl threatened to break free from his chest at the thought of Duncan’s ability to give Cordelia the sun and his certain willingness to take advantage of Angel’s vulnerability to the bright ball’s rays.

Cordelia’s other elegant brow rose to match its mate. “Excuse me?”

“I mean it.” Angel repeated firmly.

Cordelia took a step down, her body inches from Angel’s. “I’m sorry, did I understand you correctly?” The warm glow that had flowered while talking to Angel really talking to him began to wilt quickly. “You didn’t just forbid me from training with Duncan, did you? ” Cordelia’s calm question belied her growing annoyance.

Angel wasn’t fooled but he wasn’t about to back down either. There was no way he would allow another near training session between Cordy and the other Immortal.

“Hey, guys.” Gunn’s voice traveled down the stairs.

“NOT NOW.” Both Angel and Cordelia yelled.

“Okaaay.” Gunn’s voice retreated.

***

“Are Angel and Cordy coming?” Fred pushed at her glasses.

“Busy,” Gunn shook his head.

“They’re still training? I want to see.”

Gunn gently caught the young woman. “Girl, they don’t need the audience.”

“Gunn?” Wesley stuck his head out of his office. “Angel and Cordy?”

Gunn shook his head.

Wesley gave a small encouraging smile over his shoulder to the strange couple sitting around his desk. “Excuse me.” He shot out of the office closing the door.

“Is something wrong?” Wesley hurried over to his friend.

Gunn shrugged. “One minute they were on they’re way up. The next- they’re not and a whole lot of tension was swirling up the stairs. Something happened. What, don’t know. Don’t want to know. I’m not getting in the middle of one of their arguments. It’s safer up here.”

Wesley frowned towards the basement door. “Yes, that is never advisable. I do hope they keep it quiet.” He glanced through the window at the clients sitting at his desk. “I told the Baxters that Angel Investigations was a well-oiled machine. Two associates yelling and slamming things would not do well to foster that impression.” Wesley wiped at his glasses.

“Fortunately, I don’t believe their presence will be necessary. We can handle the Baxters’ problem. Fred, please join us and take notes.”

“Me?” Fred squeaked. “That’s Cordy’s job. She always talks to the clients and gets the information.”

“Girl, you can do it, hey, you’ve been answering the phone, taking information, and researching like a pro. Come on.” Gunn looped his arm around the woman’s slight shoulders leading her into the office.

“But, not face to face. That’s Cordy’s job. She’s so much better with people. She talks to them and everything.” Fred stuttered.

“Of course you can do it.” Wesley smiled.

“Hey, what’s the gig, again?”

“Ridding the Baxters of their poltergeist.”

Gunn nodded to the young woman. “Got to be you. Barbie gets a little freaky around folks that want to zap a ghost away. She starts lecturing about ghost’s rights. Her pet ghost is filling her head with all sorts of weird shit. Since, when do the incorporeal dead have rights?”

“Phantom Dennis isn’t a pet. He’s her friend. She said so. I like him. I would hate to see him exorcised. He’s sweet. He made us tea last week after Cordy took me shopping.”

“Whoa, girl. Never say the “E” word and Dennis is the same sentence. That doesn’t get her freaky just pissed.”

“Gunn, please.” Wesley couldn’t stop his nervous glances around the room half expecting Cordy to suddenly appear with a finger high waving wildly in offended anger.

Fred peeked up from her glasses as her mind switched gears mid thought. “Angel and Cordelia are arguing? They don’t argue. They really like each other.”

Wesley cleared his throat. “Yes, but even close friends have an occasion to argue.”

“You haven’t been around them both in the same room long enough. Those two- the closer they get the more loud and arguing they get or god forbid that icy silence that could kill any that are unfortunate to be in the way of the eye fu…daggers,” Gunn corrected for the young woman’s benefit, “shooting across the room. It just ain’t safe when they get all obstinate with each other. They need to just accept it and move on.”

“Really? I can’t believe they fight.” Fred’s head jerked around. “Accept what?”

Gunn rolled his eyes biting down his chuckle as he continued to push the young woman after Wesley. “What that loud tension is really all about.”

“Gunn.” Wesley clucked disapprovingly.

“What? Like you didn’t know or are you as blind as them?”

Wesley sighed. He knew exactly what Gunn meant. And it was becoming more and more apparent. Angel’s attitude towards Duncan had been cold at best to put it politely. Wesley had been right to worry.

Wesley realized that Angel’s trip away had been spurned on by his grief over Buffy’s death, but he had hoped that the vampire took some of that time to examine is true feelings for Cordelia. Just as he hoped the time apart would help Cordelia acknowledge her feelings.

However, it seemed both were still in major denial and their denial and stubbornness was erupting in arguments and tension again. Wesley sighed. If it weren’t for the risk of Angelus, Wesley would smack his dim-witted blind friend’s heads together, lock them in a bedroom, and order, beg them to use the tension as it was properly meant to be used and be done with it and give the rest of them some peace.

***

Methos barely looked up from his book as Duncan sat down next to him on the lobby couch. “Let’s hope they don’t want us to go on their ghost hunt.” Methos turned the page.

“Why are you still so interested in the text of Baba Yaga?”

Methos shrugged, his eyes still on the book. “Why are you so interested in what’s going on down there?” He cocked his head towards the basement.

Duncan’s eyes jerked back to the other Immortal. “How can we be sure that the vampire actually knows how to teach Cordy how to fight?”

“We? I’m okay with it.” Methos finally looked up.

“He’s a vampire. Vampires aren’t known for their skill with a sword, more like biting. He seemed more proud of his boasted ability to rip my head off rather than any weapon skills. Not a talent that would be helpful for Cordelia. And Gunn implied that they were arguing.”

“Don’t go down there and don’t go there. Cordy can handle herself. Anyway, vampire or not, he’s also a warrior for the Powers, can’t imagine he bites that much or rips heads off of the good guys anymore.”

“How do we know that?”

“Stop with the ‘we’, this is all you.” Methos closed the book. “Let it go, Duncan. She trusts him.”

Duncan looked again at the book, not satisfied at all at Methos’ comments, but curious at the other Immortal’s preoccupation with the book Cassandra asked him to retrieve. “You haven’t once in the last few days griped about not leaving.”

Methos shot his head up. “Does that mean you’re considering it?”

“No, I’m just wondering why you’ve stopped badgering me. Does it have anything to do with that book?”

“Have you heard from Joe?”

“Evasion, Methos?”

“Just interest.”

“What’s going on in that head of yours?”

“I don’t know. I can’t put my finger on it. I wish I could.” Methos looked back at the book in his hands.

Part 24

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