Part 7<\/b><\/p>\n
Angel stared at Buffy who looked at him with confusion from across the room. \u201cWhat is she doing here Lilah?\u201d his eyes never leaving the stunned Slayer.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do you mean \u2018What is she doing here?\u2019?\u201d Buffy mimicked his tone. \u201cDawn and I were finishing a visit with my Dad. We were just about to leave, catch up with the others when this,\u201d she pointed toward Lilah, \u201cwoman shows up on the doorstep and said that you were in trouble, said that you sent for me. She said that if I didn\u2019t come and help you that you could lose your soul.\u201d Buffy\u2019s arms were crossed over her chest defensively, suddenly getting the realization that she had just entered a game to which she didn\u2019t understand the rules.<\/p>\n
Angel took a deep, exasperated breath and gave Lilah an evil glare, \u201cEverything\u2019s fine here Buffy. I\u2019ve got things under control. Go home,\u201d he realized that his anger and hatred for Lilah were making his voice tight and harsh. He softened himself a bit and turned his eyes toward the Slayer again. \u201cPlease,\u201d was his gentler plea.<\/p>\n
\u201cAh,\u201d Lilah smiled and sauntered to Angel\u2019s desk, leaning back against the edge, \u201cbut you do need her, and your soul is in jeopardy,\u201d she smiled. \u201cLike I said, she\u2019s your new assignment.\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy, unable to stand the smug grin or the taunting tone of the other woman, began to advance toward Lilah. \u201cI don\u2019t know who the hell you are and I don\u2019t really care for that matter, but I\u2019m the Slayer and this is Angel. He doesn\u2019t take orders and neither do I.\u201c Angel\u2019s outstretched hand stopped her before she could reach the dead lawyer. \u201cAngel,\u201d she said with annoyance and frustration but let his touch stop her movement.<\/p>\n
Angel closed his eyes, reigning in his own anger. He tried to think of Cordy, he had to play along for her, just until he could find a way out of this mess. Opening his eyes he looked at Lilah, ignoring Buffy\u2019s growing irritation and fury at being thrown into a situation that she knew nothing about. Before he could beat Lilah at her own game, he had to know the rules. \u201cWhat do I have to do?\u201d he asked, defeated.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe Senior Partners have been pleased with your work over the last couple of months. You and your little team have really gotten us back on our feet, but our organization is being threatened by a new presence and we need the kind of help that we believe only the Slayer can provide. Your assignment is to get her to work for us, help us, and you, with a little project.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo deal, Lilah,\u201d he answered decisively. \u201cI\u2019ve already brought too many innocent people into this. I\u2019m not going to add her to the list.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh no? You do realize that if you fail any assignment given to you by the Senior Partners that that line in your contract\u2026how does it go?\u201d she looked off as if reciting a classic poem. \u201cOh yes, I remember now. If you fail any assignment, direct command, or breach your contract with Wolfram and Hart in any way, you owe us one soul extraction. Not word for word, but that\u2019s the gist of it anyway,\u201d her smile widened as she enjoyed the barely restrained fury evident on the vampires face.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are we negotiating here, Lilah?\u201d Angel became all business.<\/p>\n
\u201cWait a minute. I don\u2019t work for anyone, and since when do you?\u201d Buffy turned to face Angel.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s a long story. Short version, this law firm is evil. They gave me the amulet I brought to you and offered me some things I felt I couldn\u2019t turn down at the time. In return, I had to make a deal with them.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat kind of a deal?\u201d Buffy asked, horrified at just what Angel had done.<\/p>\n
\u201cTakes her a minute to catch on, doesn\u2018t it?\u201d Lilah interrupted. \u201cHis soul, dear. He signed over his soul to us as a condition of employment,\u201d she explained as if Buffy was mentally impaired.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou gave up the right to your soul to come and help me?\u201d Buffy knew she shouldn\u2019t be touched by such a thing, but she couldn\u2019t help herself.<\/p>\n
\u201cSigned it right away when he knew you were in trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s not exactly true Lilah.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIsn\u2019t it?\u201d she looked at Angel as if daring him to tell Buffy the real reason. \u201cAnyway, we want you to come and work for us,\u201d she began her sales pitch again. \u201cThe two of you have worked together before, it shouldn\u2019t be that difficult to do it again.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI told you,\u201d Buffy matched Lilah\u2019s earlier condescending tone, \u201cI don\u2019t work for anyone. Not now, not ever. The answer\u2019s no. I have a responsibility to fight evil, not join with it,\u201d she turned and started for the door.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf you walk out that door, Angel loses his soul.\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy paused, some distant and long ago feeling told her she should turn around and help him, but she thought of Dawn, of Giles and the others, and of Spike\u2019s sacrifice. She closed her eyes, fighting back tears at the memory of Spike\u2019s face before she left him there, in the mouth of Hell. She loved him so much and had never told him until it was too late to save him and too late for him to really believe. She couldn\u2019t betray him and the others, what they expected of her. They had all just battle hell on earth together, they were a family, one that held no place for Angel. The truth was that it never had. She had to take care of them, even if it meant abandoning her ex-love. Her hand reached for the office door and she paused, \u201cAngel can take care of himself,\u201d she stated quietly, hoping he would understand.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd if he turns?\u201d Lilah asked innocently.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen I\u2019ll do what I was born to do,\u201d she turned the knob.<\/p>\n
\u201cLike you did before, when he turned?\u201d Lilah\u2019s taunt made Buffy\u2019s hand drop away from the door. She stood still, frozen with the memories of her failure to stop him before he could terrorize and kill. \u201cHow long did it take you to kill him last time?\u201d Lilah continued. \u201cThree, four weeks? Oh well, we are talking about Angelus here, the Scourge of Europe. I guess I\u2019ve gotta hand it to you, at least you managed to get him in the end, after he had killed, tortured, and terrorized members of your little group of do-gooders that is. Who do you think it will be this time? Xander? Willow? Giles?\u201d she paused for effect, before delivering the real blow, \u201cDawn?\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy swallowed and finally turned, her eyes blazing in anger and fear. \u201cI won\u2019t do it. I can\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do you think Angel?\u201d the dead lawyer turned her antagonizing words toward the silent vampire. \u201cWhat would a big bad demon do to a little girl like that? I bet he wouldn\u2019t kill her, at least not right away.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s enough Lilah,\u201d Angel growled a warning.<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course you wouldn\u2019t visit the sweet little Jr. Miss Summers alone now, would you? Because she wouldn\u2019t be your first stop.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI said, that\u2019s enough,\u201d Angel crossed the room at inhuman speed, his hand clutching Lilah\u2019s scarf covered neck.<\/p>\n
\u201cCome on Angel. You can\u2019t tell me you\u2019ve never wondered what kind of vampire Cordelia would make. It\u2019s in your profile, you\u2019d turn her in an instant if you lost your soul.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel wanted to deny what she said, but deep inside he knew that every strangled word was true. Reluctantly he let go of his hold on her and took a tentative step back, ashamed that his enemy knew him so well. She knew his weakness, just where and how to strike at him to bring him to his knees in defeat. Cordelia would never be safe from Angelus. She would be his first victim, turned out of need, want, and lust. \u201cWhy bring her into this?\u201d he motioned his head toward Buffy, who stood quietly near the door, trying to process all the information that was unfolding before her.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause she\u2019s in love with your understudy. Or I guess we could call him your replacement now that you\u2019ve switched teams.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMy replacement?\u201d Angel\u2019s strong brow furrowed, then relaxed. \u201cThe Powers. They called a new champion,\u201d his questioning face was now etched with realization. Spike\u2019s soul, the amulet, his return, it all made sense now. Suddenly a thought began to take shape, a question to which he feared he already knew the answer. \u201cYou said \u2018understudy\u2019\u201d, he began to reason out the unasked question himself. \u201cHe wasn\u2019t sent here to replace me, he was sent here to learn from me. Wasn\u2019t he? He was going to take my place when I\u2026.\u201d he couldn\u2019t say the word, not now, not after he had ruined everything. \u201cHow close was I?\u201d his voice was just a whisper of sound.<\/p>\n
\u201cCloser than you think,\u201d Lilah\u2019s eyes were bright at the hint of pain in Angel\u2019s words. \u201cA couple more years and you could\u2019ve been picnicking at noon with the lovely Cordelia in the bright California sun. She had such faith in you, thought that you were so good, so strong. Of course we know the truth, don\u2019t we? Without her you\u2019re nothing, just some demon that borrowed her goodness and light, pretending that a little bit of it existed inside of you. But that\u2019s all it was, Angel, just pretend. You could never be that good. The way you abandoned ship as soon as she was out of the picture is proof of that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI did that for her, to keep her safe,\u201d he argued.<\/p>\n
\u201cReally? Are you sure you weren\u2019t just falling back into your natural behavior? It\u2019s tough to pretend your something you\u2019re not, isn\u2019t it? Without her to lean on, to believe in you, it hardly seemed worth it, did it?\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel stared off as Lilah\u2019s words twisted painfully around his still heart.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t worry about her, Angel,\u201d Lilah\u2019s voice dripped with sarcastic concern. \u201cShe\u2019s in good hands now. I\u2019m sure Spike will take good care of her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSpike?\u201d Buffy barely breathed the name. She had stood silently in the room, working through the realization of Angel\u2019s feelings for someone she had thought of as only an old snobby classmate and friend and coworker to her ex-boyfriend. For some reason it bothered her that it HADN\u2019T bothered her. It should. Cordelia and Angel just didn\u2019t fit somehow. She\u2019d been lost in the process of piecing together just how and why something like that could happen, when she heard his name. \u201cSpike\u2019s alive?\u201d she held her breath for the answer.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, well, maybe not alive, alive, but he\u2018s here,\u201d Lilah provided. \u201cSeems he\u2019s been deemed worthy of a soul and a mission himself. That\u2019s why we need you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI won\u2019t hurt him,\u201d Buffy\u2019s emotions began to get the best of her at the thought of Spike surviving the battle in Sunnydale. She swallowed down the lump in her throat and fought the tears swimming in her eyes. \u201cNo matter what you say or do, I can\u2019t hurt him. I won\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t be so dramatic,\u201d Lilah slowly rounded the desk and gracefully sat in the black, leather chair. \u201cWe don\u2019t want you to hurt him. We want you, both of you, to run them out of town. Spike and Cordelia are tilting the scales. We want the balance back in our favor, but if we kill them or turn them over to our side, the Powers will just replace them with a new warrior and his connection to life. If you think about it rationally, it\u2019s really a win, win situation. You get what you want, them safely away from us, and we get what we want, their influence out of this town.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll go to him. He\u2019ll leave with me and you won\u2019t have to worry about him again,\u201d Buffy hated the desperate words that left her mouth, but that was what she was, desperate to save Spike from anymore pain.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, he won\u2019t. He\u2019s bonded with Cordelia, feels a certain loyalty to her,\u201d Lilah leaned forward and rested her elbows on Angel\u2019s desk. \u201cHe\u2019s vowed to protect her and he won\u2019t leave her if he thinks she\u2019s in danger.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI won\u2019t work for you,\u201d Buffy raised her chin defiantly.<\/p>\n
\u201cThink about the worst thing you can imagine happening to that little sister of yours,\u201d Lilah rested her chin gently on top of her hands. \u201cNow multiply that times a hundred and you will come just short of what Angelus has actually done to countless young girls in the past, without the motive of revenge to spur him on.\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy trembled slightly, unable to control the fear for her sister, or the anger at the decision she was being forced to make. \u201cIf I do this, help drive him out of town, will I be free? Can I go after him?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019ll be free as a bird,\u201d Lilah\u2019s saccharine smile made the Slayer\u2019s stomach turn. \u201cYou can chase him to the ends of the earth for all we care, as long as he is far away from us.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf Cordelia leaves, I want out,\u201d Angel tried at striking a similar deal.<\/p>\n
\u201cUmm, sorry,\u201d Lilah faked an expression of pity. \u201cYou, I\u2019m afraid, are locked in an ironclad contract. We have too many important plans for you in the future. You\u2019ll just have to rest assured in the knowledge that the person you love is far away from us and the type of pain we can cause her.\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy and Angel looked at each other, both ready to surrender to their mutual fate in order to protect the ones they loved. They looked back to Lilah and her expression of triumphant arrogance. Both knew that they would fight, try their best to battle their way out of the deal they were about to make, but ready to step across the line in order to stave the unknown \u2018plan B\u2019 that Wolfram and Hart was sure to have.<\/p>\n
Angel\u2019s jaw clenched and for the second time in just a few short months, struck a deal that Cordelia would hate him for to save her life. \u201cWhat do you want us to do?\u201d<\/p>\n
Part 8<\/b><\/p>\n
The smell of bacon permeated the air making Cordelia\u2019s stomach growl as she rubbed her sleepy eyes and scooted across the bed to peer at the clock. \u201cNoon!\u201d she scolded herself and thought it almost funny that someone just out of a coma could sleep so late. Of course she had a valid excuse. Angel had kept her up most of the night. She blushed at the thought of their night together, of the things he had done and said. She was no virgin. She\u2019d had sex before. Maybe not as many times as most people that knew her probably thought but still, she knew what it was and how it felt. And it never felt like last night. And last night wasn\u2019t even sex, sex.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh God,\u201d she whispered to herself. Just what would real sex with Angel feel like? If last night was any indication she wasn\u2019t so sure she could handle it. That is if she ever got to \u2018handle\u2019 it at all. She swallowed and twisted the sheet in her fist as her mind switched gears from afterglow to reality check. She thought about the curse, about Angel and his deal with Wolfram and Hart and his promise to leave the firm and come back to her. What if it didn\u2019t work? Had she been too hard on him? Demanded too much, too soon?<\/p>\n
Cordelia sat up straight in the bed, squared her shoulders and took a deep calming breath. Everything would turn out fine. She wouldn\u2019t, couldn\u2019t let her doubts defeat her. Not after last night. She had to believe. If she didn\u2019t, the others, especially Angel, never would.<\/p>\n
Dressed and ready to face whatever disasters awaited her and her family today, Cordelia hurried down the stairs to the small kitchen off the lobby. When she entered the kitchen she spied the plate of freshly cooked bacon on the stove and smiled. Well, it wasn\u2019t his special scrambled eggs but it was a sweet thought all the same. She just hoped his endearing gesture of cooking her breakfast hadn\u2019t made him too late. Although she certainly didn\u2019t relish the thought of him going in today at all, she was a realist, she knew that it was necessary to find a way out, and the sooner he did that the sooner he\u2019d be home.<\/p>\n
Trying to keep a positive attitude, Cordelia picked up the plate loaded down with meat and sat at the small table, crunching on the first crispy strip.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat the blazes are you doing!?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia looked down at the plate and then back to Spike who stood in the doorway, a towel around his waist and an angry scowl on his face. \u201cI thought\u2026\u201d she began.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh what? Now not only am I your office boy and flunky sidekick, but your bloody personal chef as well?\u201c he barked as he crossed the floor and snatched the plate from the table.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d she said in a slightly sarcastic and extremely embarrassed voice. \u201cI thought it was for me. Angel used to cook me breakfast after every mission. I just thought \u2026..\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat I would automatically provide the same service. Well, if you haven\u2019t noticed I\u2019m not the great and powerful poof,\u201d he dropped the plate down in front of him, making sure it hit the table with a dramatic thud before sitting in the seat opposite Cordelia.<\/p>\n
Cordelia stared, mouth agape at the nearly naked vampire as he began to pick up each piece and crumble it back onto the plate. \u201cWhat do you think your doing?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGetting ready to eat my breakfast,\u201d he continued his task without even a glance in her direction.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t eat,\u201d Cordelia stated simply, her face flushing out of frustration for the obstinate and rude vampire and over her embarrassment of thinking it had been Angel who had left her breakfast. And because every time Spike shifted in the vinyl seat she could swear she got a little peek of \u2026. \u201cShouldn\u2019t you get dressed or something?\u201d<\/p>\n
That finally got his attention. He laid the second piece he was working on down and looked up and gave a little wicked grin. So, his state of undress bothered her did it? He could work with that. Making people uncomfortable was what he did best and the way that little pink blush was creeping up Cordelia\u2019s neck and into her cheeks was just too adorable and tempting to resist. Stretching his arms over and behind his head, he gave her a generous view. He would see just how far he could push before her true colors started to show.<\/p>\n
Cordelia bolted up out of the chair so fast that it nearly fell over. \u201cI\u2019m\u2026ah\u2026going to the diner down the street to get a bite to eat,\u201d her voice echoed in the small room.<\/p>\n
\u201cRelax,\u201d Spike couldn\u2019t help but smile. He suddenly felt as if he had uncovered a secret, found out who Cordelia Chase really was. Sure, she had a sharp wit and quick tongue, and most of the people who had crossed her path in life may have labeled her a bitch, a slut, a snob. But he knew the truth. Truth was the one thing that always came sharp and clear for Spike.<\/p>\n
The truth was that all those people who thought they knew her had mistaken her upfront, honest attitude as bitchiness. Her way of carrying herself, of knowing who she was, seemed to the unobservant as snobbery instead of pride, self-discipline, and confidence. As for a slut. He shook his head and smiled again. No slut would blush at the sight of a little skin. Standing up and making sure that he was fully covered, he gestured to the table. \u201cI\u2019ve got plenty to share,\u201d he grinned and raised his eyebrows, turning his comment into a double meaning.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re a pig, Spike,\u201d Cordelia looked at him a little calmer, realizing he had baited her.<\/p>\n
\u201cCome on, luv. I know you need the nourishment. I mean, you must have worked up quite an appetite after last night. I know the sounds coming out of your room kept me \u2026 up\u2026 most of the night,\u201d he teased as she sat back down at the table.<\/p>\n
\u201cSpike, one standard rule around this place is that all vampires keep the private things they hear with their supernatural ears to themselves,\u201d she advised and took a piece of bacon from the plate he had pushed in the middle of the table.<\/p>\n
\u201cHate to embarrass you, pet. Actually, that\u2019s not true, it\u2019s kind of fun and adorable, but there was no supernatural power involved.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSpike, I think I don\u2019t want to talk about this. Especially with you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCan I help it if you screamed like a banshee half the night.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSpike,\u201d she warned.<\/p>\n
\u201cAlright, alright. Just warn me next time. That could have been Angelus who walked down those stairs this morning.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut we didn\u2019t\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHey, you almost brought the demon out in me with all of that delicious noise you made.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia answered him by biting into her breakfast and looking at anything in the room but his frank and blunt face. She was beginning to understand something about Spike. He was a lot like her. He liked the truth. He liked to find it, dissect it, study it, and shove it right back in your face so you couldn\u2019t run from it. Wow, for the first time in her life she understood why some people couldn\u2019t handle her frankness.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey,\u201d he caught her attention and surprised her with the deep sincerity in his voice. Reaching across the table he laid his hand on hers. \u201cJust be careful.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t worry. Angel knows his limits. He\u2019s lived with them long enough,\u201d she answered back quietly.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not Angel I\u2019m worried about, luv.\u201d<\/p>\n
They both sat in silence for a moment. A bond of friendship forming and strengthening between them in the moments that passed.<\/p>\n
Spike, ashamed of revealing so much of his true self to her, was the first to break the spell. He stood sharply and sauntered to the microwave, dawning a cup of blood that had obviously been cooling there. He walked back to the table and sat down, dropping the pieces of bacon he had crumbled earlier into his cup.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI told you, eating breakfast. The bacon gives it a little texture and surprisingly really brings out the flavor in this disgusting swine juice.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow did you figure it out, Spike?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, I don\u2019t know. Just tried it one day. Saw this commercial on the tele for \u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t mean your little concoction there.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh,\u201d realization hit him and he sat down the cup. \u201cYou mean the soul. How did I get a permanent soul.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah,\u201d she breathed and couldn\u2019t keep the look of hope for what his answer might mean for Angel out of her eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, I saw a man. More specifically, a Shaman. He told me what to do and I did it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo, Angel could go. See this man I mean,\u201d she could feel her heart racing.<\/p>\n
Spike couldn\u2019t stand to hear the hope in her voice. He wished Angel wasn\u2019t such a selfish bastard. \u201cIt\u2019s not as simple as it sounds. There is a test. A challenge of sorts.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLike a test of strength? Bravery? He could do that. He\u2019s done it before.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, there is that. A test of strength and bravery. Three in fact. But simply defeating those three challenges is not how you get the permanent soul.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen how, Spike? How exactly did you get your soul?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen I left Sunnydale, I wanted a soul so bad I could taste it. I was willing to go to the ends of the earth to get one. For her,\u201d he took a sip from his cup before continuing. \u201cTurns out I only had to go to Africa. When I got there, they put me through three trials of strength. At first I thought that that was how I would get it. Complete the challenges and earn the soul. But after it was over, and after I\u2019d been beaten to a bloody pulp, the Shaman looked at me. I don\u2019t know what he did or how, but I felt the bugger poking around, up here,\u201d he pointed to his head. \u201cWhen he was done, that\u2019s when I got what I came for. After the pain had eased a little, he told me. The challenges, the tests, they were just a deterrent. Something to scare off the \u2018unworthy\u2019 he called them. He said what won me my soul was because I didn\u2019t want it, not for me anyway. That I wasn\u2019t only willing to fight for it, but to give the possibility of it and my existence up if it would be the best thing for the people I cared about. An unselfish sacrifice. I tried to laugh at the crazy bloke but it hurt too much. I told him that he was a bloody fool. That I might not have wanted the soul, but I got it to get something in return. The love of a woman who I knew could never really love me. If that isn\u2019t selfish, I don\u2019t know what is.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did he say?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe just smiled. Said he\u2019d seen me. The real me. \u2018The only fool here, is the one who does not see his own path, my friend,\u2019 he said. \u2018The one who does not recognize his own heart when it speaks to him. You did these things not only for her, but for the other ones as well. You care for them. You have walked beside them, done good when it was against your nature.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen,\u201d he took another sip. \u201cI gave him two chickens and what amounted to thirty-two dollars and I left.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJust like that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJust like that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo Angel could\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. Angel wants a permanent soul, but only to end his own suffering, to be free of the worry and guilt that the danger of turning into Angelus causes in him, and after last night I\u2018m sure he wants one because\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSpike.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAll selfish reasons.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s not like that. He\u2019s not the same Angel you knew in Sunnydale.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo? He just completely quits fighting when the person he wants is gone, turns over his friends to a hell based law firm to suit his dark mood.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s not fair, Spike.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt may not be fair, luv. But it\u2019s the truth.\u201d<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
\u201cDamn it!\u201d Angel threw the desk chair, shattering it against the closed door that had just served as Lilah\u2019s exit.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, what are we going to do?\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel paced back and forth like a caged lion ready to pounce. He seemed oblivious to Buffy\u2019s presence in the room. \u201cI\u2018ve got to find a way out of this. I can\u2018t do this to her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHer? What about Spike? If he finds out I\u2019m here with you, working with you\u2026. I tried to tell him that I loved him but he didn\u2019t believe me. He sure as hell won\u2019t now.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel continued his pacing, working on the unsolvable problem in his mind. Everything was so horribly wrong. He wished none of this had ever happened. That he had never given up on the mission, that he had never lured his friends down into the murky depths of his depression when Cordy lay in her coma. It had all been so horrible, so selfish. What had happened to him? He used to protect the people he loved, his family. He used to do anything and everything to keep them out of harms way. Even when it pissed them off. He stopped pacing. \u201cWhat did you say?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJust now. You said something.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI said Spike would never believe\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, before that.\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy thought a moment. \u201cI asked you what we were going to do.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d he tried not to be impatient. \u201cSomewhere in the middle there you said something about working \u2018with\u2019 me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, well, I\u2019m certainly not working \u2018for\u2019 you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d a light bulb seemed to go off. \u201cYou\u2019re not,\u201d he began to walk purposely to the office door.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, where are you going?\u201d<\/p>\n
He paused at the door, \u201cTo start taking care of the people I love again.\u201d He left before the next question could cross her lips.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Cordelia and Spike spent the largest part of the day chatting about nonsense, deciding that it was the best way to stay clear of the subject of Angel and his worthiness of a permanent soul. Spike tried to keep the atmosphere light. Teasing her, getting a rise out of her over certain subjects and his views on them, but he could sense the change in her as the morning turned to afternoon. She was worried and afraid. And it was tearing him up. He walked over to the sofa where she had planted herself about a half hour ago, trying not to look as if she were staring across the lobby to the basement door.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe said he\u2019d come back and he will,\u201d he offered gently as he sat beside her.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh really? You weren\u2019t so supportive of his character earlier today,\u201d she bit out, taking out her worry, frustration, and anger on the closest person possible.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey,\u201d he raised his hands in mock surrender. \u201cI didn\u2019t mean the poof didn\u2019t deserve a soul. I just meant he wasn\u2019t ready for what it took to get one yet. That\u2019s all.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia sighed and crossed her arms, her waves of depression and hopelessness crashing into him.<\/p>\n
\u201cTell ya what. Why don\u2019t I go and see what\u2019s keeping him?\u201d he stood, helping in the only way he knew how.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019d do that?\u201d she looked up at him and he had to shake himself out of the trance her look of trust put him in.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, I can\u2019t bloody well stay here with you all day talkin\u2019 about the weather now can I? I\u2019m a man of action,\u201d he emphasized and puffed his chest out with a grin.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat am I going to do with two of you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTwo of who?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTwo of you souled idiots walking around here without a clue,\u201d she smiled back. \u201cI\u2019m not sending you over there. I\u2019m worried sick about Angel as it is. I don\u2019t need you thrown into the mix as well.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia\u2019s comment touched Spike. He couldn\u2019t remember the last person in his life that had actually worried for him. \u201cWell, there\u2019s no need to worry, pet. I\u2019ll simply say I have an appointment,\u201d he explained lightly as he walked toward the basement door.<\/p>\n
She stood but she didn\u2019t argue. Yes, she should badger him into staying and yes, she would worry about him. But she couldn\u2019t help the tiny part of her that wanted him to go. Wanted to know that Angel would have someone there with him. An ally. She watched him walk to the door before stopping but not turning.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe only souled idiot around this place is the one that left you in that bed this morning,\u201d he admitted before leaving the room.<\/p>\n
Cordelia just stared at the closed door, letting the comment sink in.<\/p>\n
A few seconds later the basement door flung open, \u201cWhere the bloody hell is this place anyway,\u201d Spike asked.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Cordelia paced the lobby. When Spike had left, she convinced herself that everything would be alright, but that had been an hour and two chewed nails ago. She had been a little annoyed at some of Spike\u2019s nonstop banter and endless teasing earlier in the day, but now, without it, she realized he had just been trying to keep her mind off of everything. And it had worked in a way. She had still worried and prayed silently in her mind for Angel, but there was no desperation, no frantic and chaotic thoughts. Like now.<\/p>\n
She paced to the office and sat down at the desk, staring at the phone. She wished she had thought to give him her cell. Maybe something happened to him. Worse, maybe something had happened to Angel and \u2026. Crap, she had to quit thinking this way.<\/p>\n
The slam of a door roused her from her thoughts and instantly her seat as she raced to the lobby and turned her eyes to the basement door only to find no one there.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey Sugarplum,\u201d Cordelia heard Lorne\u2019s voice from behind, causing her to turn toward the front doors.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat happened?\u201d she asked the group of four who stood in front of her, boxes in tow.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe fired us,\u201d Fred whined.<\/p>\n
\u201cAgain,\u201d Wes and Gunn said in unison.<\/p>\n