Part 3<\/b><\/p>\n
She couldn\u2019t quite figure out which angered her more. The fact that she had been followed or that Angel wasn\u2019t the one who had followed her. Cordelia glanced down the road at the dark utility vehicle that had been tailing her the entire route to the hotel. At least they were keeping their distance. She looked back at the black sedan that she had driven over. She had refused the car the first time the valet had insisted on her taking it, but then, realizing that she really had no other options, she had begrudgingly snatched the keys and sped away, grateful for the quick escape the car had afforded her.<\/p>\n
She turned back to the hotel and headed up the sidewalk to the entrance and pushed at the dirty glass doors. Damn it. Of course they would be locked. She thought a moment and then walked around the building to the courtyard. She looked at the doors and noticed that some of the glass on one of them had been broken, leaving a hole just large enough for her hand to fit through. She walked across the stone covered ground and slowly, steadily reached in between two hanging shards of glass, scraping her hand just as she tried turning the already unlocked deadbolt. \u201cOuch.\u201d Cordelia wiped a trickle of blood on the expensive dress and pushed the door open.<\/p>\n
The hotel had always had an old smell to it, but now that smell mingled with stale uncirculated air. She gave a small cough and reached her hand out to the wall, flipping one of the light switches only to find that the building\u2019s electricity had been turned off. Cordelia gave an exasperated huff and maneuvered her way into the dark office, opening Wes\u2019 old emergency drawer.<\/p>\n
Popping on the flashlight, she began to look around. Everything was still there, pictures, dried up plants, magazines, all of the things she would expect to find if the people she loved still worked here.<\/p>\n
She walked from the offices, shining the light on the weapons cabinet as she approached it. It was full. Gunn\u2019s axe, Angel\u2019s broadsword, Fred\u2019s contraptions, they hadn\u2019t taken anything. A sad sickness filled Cordy\u2019s heart. They hadn\u2019t just made some asinine deal with Wolfram and Hart, none of this madness had anything to do with the evil law firm really. Something had happened, something so terrible that they had obviously left, without anything, and without looking back.<\/p>\n
A small noise startled her, making her drop the flashlight to the floor. She breathed in a slow rush of air in an effort to slow her racing heart, picked up the light, and headed for the kitchen to investigate. \u201cYa know, following me over here I took as a sign of your boss\u2019 concern about my safety, a protective gesture,\u201d she called out as she walked. \u201cIt almost felt somewhat comforting. So, I let that slide. But sneaking in here,\u201d she continued as she approached the kitchen door. \u201c..scaring the crap out of me. You can tell him that that isn\u2019t going to win him any brownie\u2026\u201d Cordelia\u2019s words trailed off as the yellow glow of her flashlight caught the image of a long leather coat and a bleached blonde head, slumped against the kitchen wall.<\/p>\n
Cordelia\u2019s throat constricted in fear. She thought about running or screaming, or both, but he seemed unconscious. She moved the beam of light around the floor. There were bottles, six to be exact, four were tequila and the other two some generic brand of whiskey. He stirred and looked up at her groggily.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, it\u2019s about bloody time one of you showed up,\u201d he slurred. \u201cI\u2019ve been here for..,\u201d he moved his hand, silently counting the bottles on the floor. \u201c..a very long time.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do you want Spike?\u201d her chest pounded as she took a tentative step backwards.<\/p>\n
\u201cI need to speak to your boss,\u201d he tried to stand but only got half way up before leaning back on the wall. \u201cThink you could pencil me in?\u201d he tried to smile.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re drunk.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI prefer the term medicated, thank you very much. A little cure for the soul that ails you,\u201d he finally stood, swaying back and forth and taking a swig of the half empty bottle she hadn\u2019t noticed hiding in his hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you doing here Spike and what does it have to do with Angel\u2018s soul?\u201d she demanded.<\/p>\n
Spike lowered the bottle and looked at her shocked and fearful expression. He hadn\u2018t meant to scare her. \u201cNot to worry luv. I\u2019m not here to hurt anyone, not in to that sort of play any longer.\u201d He paused as her words about Angel\u2019s soul registered in his inebriated head, \u201cAnd just because the old poof had his first, doesn\u2019t mean he holds the patent ya know,\u201d he hiccupped.<\/p>\n
Spike\u2019s words weren\u2019t making much sense and Cordelia\u2019s fear of the vampire catapulted when he took a small step closer to her. She stared into his intoxicated eyes and then to the weapons cabinet visible through the doorway.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019d never make it,\u201d he dismissed, taking another step closer and setting his bottle on the table beside her. \u201cI might be drunk and have a soul, but I\u2019m still a vampire, pet,\u201d he whispered with a glare.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2026You have\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA soul.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia just stared at him, all her fear turning to astonishment as his words tried to sink into her brain.<\/p>\n
\u201cGot mine all by myself too,\u201d he bragged, puffing out his chest.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou did this on purpose?\u201d she was stunned. \u201cYou\u2026you wanted to be cursed?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCursed?\u201d he sounded insulted. \u201cWho said anything about being cursed?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou said you have a soul, like Angel.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, not like Angel. I asked for mine, fought for it even. I won it fair and square making it mine. No ultimatums, no caged demon,\u201d he paused and raised his eyebrows suggestively, \u201cand no curse.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia just rolled her eyes at his last statement.<\/p>\n
\u201cNot that that matters to her,\u201d he continued as if finding his true train of thought. He pulled out a chair and clumsily sat down, burying his head in his hands.<\/p>\n
Cordelia didn\u2019t move. She really wasn\u2019t sure what to do. She\u2019d been in a coma for four months, possessed before that, awoken to her family gone dark, and now she stood motionless in the Hypernion kitchen where a drunk Spike had just told her that he had a soul. And now, now he seemed to be\u2026crying. She walked over and stiffly placed a hand on his back, unsure why she had felt a compulsion to do so.<\/p>\n
Her friendly deed seemed to be the permission he needed to pour out his broken heart and disturbed mind.<\/p>\n
\u201cI went and got this stinking thing for HER. I thought that\u2019s what she wanted,\u201d he whined. \u201cI did it for love ya know, to show her that I could be what she wanted, what she needed.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia couldn\u2019t begin to guess who HER was, or just exactly why and how Spike had gotten his soul, but suddenly she wasn\u2019t afraid anymore. She thought of Angel and how it must have been for him those first few years with a soul, how lonely and confused he must have felt. Yes, Spike was a vampire, but she had always hated him because he was an EVIL vampire, now he wasn\u2019t. He was just like Angel, or almost. It broke her heart.<\/p>\n
Spike\u2019s sobs suddenly ceased and his head shot up, causing Cordy to jump slightly and pull her hand away.<\/p>\n
\u201cI saved the world ya know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, I\u2019m sure you did,\u201d she patronized the smashed vamp. He just stared for a minute causing her uneasiness to return. He might have a soul, but he was still Spike, she had to remember that. \u201cWell, I hope the whole soul thing works out for ya and everything,\u201d she smiled, hinting for him to leave.<\/p>\n
\u201cYa know she didn\u2019t even tell me that she loved me until she knew I wouldn\u2019t be around any longer to call her on it,\u201d he ignored her. \u201cShe just said her teary goodbye and her and niblet just rode off into the sunset with the lot of \u2018em. I don\u2019t even know where they are now,\u201d he gave a little sob and let his head drop to the table, making the metal legs clank slightly against the linoleum floor.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, Angel\u2019s not here and we\u2019re all kind of in the middle of our own little family crisis. So, maybe you should just\u2026\u201d she noticed how still Spike had gotten. \u201cSpike,\u201d she shook the blonde vampire. \u201cSpike,\u201d she shook a little harder. \u201cGreat,\u201d she walked from the kitchen and started for the stairs before stopping and turning to pick up the throw that lay discarded on the lobby sofa. She carried it back to the kitchen in her free hand, laying it across the unconscious vamp\u2019s back and tucking it around his shoulders. \u201cI hate my life,\u201d she whined as she left the room.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Angel downed another shot and looked at his watch. It had been three hours since she had gotten to the hotel and according to his \u2018spies\u2019 she still hadn\u2019t come out. She must be planning on staying. Damn. He had sworn he would never step foot in that place again. It held too many memories, more painful than not. He poured another drink and looked at his watch again before turning up the glass. \u201cGo away,\u201d he said without looking at the bar stool beside him.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo way corn muffin. We\u2019ve been looking all over town for you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLorne, I\u2019m going to go and get her, I just need a little more\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEncouragement?\u201d Lorne picked up the empty shot glass.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was going to say time,\u201d Angel snatched the glass from Lorne\u2019s hand and poured the last few drops from bottle number five. He tilted the glass slightly and stared at the amber liquid as if it were offering him some mystical answer that would solve his mess of an existence. \u201cI didn\u2019t even tell her that I loved her when I had a chance, in our room, before this ugly shit of a world closed it\u2019s big teeth back down on us. I should have just kept her there. She could have been happy,\u201d he tried to convince his friend and himself. \u201cI could have given her everything she wanted, kept her protected and safe, and happy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLike a pampered pet. Yeah, I\u2019m sure Cordy would have LOVED that,\u201d he said sarcastically and motioned for the bartender.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe wouldn\u2019t be so unhappy now if I had. As soon as we left the room I felt it. This world is too cold and dark for her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI think, crumb cake, that the only thing too cold and dark for her right now is you. Our little Cordy is very perceptive even without the\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel gave him a warning glance, after Cordelia fell into her coma, no one ever said the word \u2018vision\u2019 in his presence. He\u2019d never requested or ordered it, it was just understood.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s perceptive Angel,\u201c Lorne settled. \u201cEspecially when it comes to you. She probably knew from the start that something wasn\u2019t right and I\u2019m sure that number you did on her at the penthouse didn\u2019t help matters much either.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel closed his eyes and dropped his face in one hand. \u201cI didn\u2019t mean what I said. Just, seeing her awake, walking around, it brought up all of those things that she did when she was\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEvil?\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel\u2019s head snapped up, \u201cCordy was never evil! She was possessed. She couldn\u2019t control what she did or what she said.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHello, preaching to the choir here,\u201d Lorne put his hands up in mock surrender.<\/p>\n
Angel looked back at his glass and swallowed the last of his whiskey.<\/p>\n
\u201cLook Angel, you might be singing the song, but I don\u2019t think you\u2019re listening to the lyrics.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel threw him a look of confusion.<\/p>\n
\u201cUnder that luscious thick head of hair you may know that that wasn\u2019t our Cordy, but you\u2019ve got to clue your broken dead heart into that fact too before you talk to her again. Cordelia never hurt you Angel,\u201d he emphasized. \u201cShe never would. And that\u2019s more than I can say for those three standing by the door if you don\u2019t get your perfect ass over to that hotel and make with the apologies.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked in the direction that Lorne had nodded. Fred, Gunn, and Wes stood by the door of the bar, condemning scowls on each of their faces. Angel stood and stumbled just a bit before gaining his bearings.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhoa Angelcakes. Maybe you need to sober up a little before you go.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTell everyone to go home and get some rest. I\u2019m going to get Cordy,\u201d he turned and passed his friends at the door without a word.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Cordelia leaned against the balcony doors and looked out at the city, the soft glow of the few candles she could scrounge up flickering in the suite behind her. She wiped away a stray tear as she thought about her family and the horrible mess they had gotten themselves into. She had to save them, had to find a way to get them out of their deal with Wolfram and Hart. But how? How do you save people that don\u2019t act like they want to be rescued? How horrible had the mission and their lives here at the hotel become to make an offer from Wolfram and Hart seem attractive?<\/p>\n
She searched her mind and her heart, trying to find an answer, a way to give them their lives back, as imperfectly happy as those lives had been. But she had nothing, no visions, no mission, no contact to the Powers, nothing but blind hope that things could go back to the way they were. Cordelia took in a deep breath as a thought flooded her mind. Hope. That\u2019s what she could give them. That\u2019s what she would give them. She would show them that things hadn\u2019t changed as much as they had thought, that no matter how bad the world had treated them that they could still go on. Still have a mission.<\/p>\n
She tried to push down her excitement. It might not work. She was all alone. Or was she? Her plan began to take shape in her mind and her heart leapt at the possibility of succeeding. It could work. It had too.<\/p>\n
She stretched and gave a small soundless yawn, bewildered that she could be tired after four months of sleep. She walked to the bed, pulled down the covers and snuffed two of the candles on the nightstand, leaving the room barely lit by one small flame on the dresser. Crossing the floor back to the balcony doors, she reached for the handle.<\/p>\n
\u201cLeave it open,\u201d came Angel\u2019s voice from beyond the door, startling Cordelia.<\/p>\n
\u201cGod Angel. You scared me half to death,\u201d she could only make out his shadow in the corner of the balcony outside. \u201cHow long have you been there?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFor awhile now,\u201d he sounded defeated.<\/p>\n
Cordelia remained paused at the door.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d he could sense what she was waiting for. \u201cI can\u2019t come in.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh,\u201d she sounded disappointed. That was a good sign. \u201cYou don\u2019t own the hotel anymore?\u201d she questioned.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, I still own it. I just\u2026can\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh,\u201d she stood still in the entrance to the room.<\/p>\n
\u201cWill you come out here? I want to talk to you. Please.\u201d<\/p>\n
She hesitated. She wanted to be near him so badly, but she wasn\u2019t sure if she could handle anymore of his hurtful outbursts.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry about earlier Cordy. I was just\u2026 when you were\u2026.I\u2019m just sorry. There\u2019s no excuse. I\u2019m so sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia took a couple of steps outside and looked toward the shadow.<\/p>\n
\u201cI love you Cordelia,\u201d came his confession out of the darkness. \u201cI\u2019m sorry I didn\u2019t say it before. Seems like I\u2019m sorry for a lot of things tonight,\u201d his voice dropped so low that she almost didn\u2019t hear the last part.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLet me finish,\u201d he took a few unsteady steps toward her, making the features of his face slightly visible and the whiskey on his breath noticeable.<\/p>\n
Cordelia gave an exasperated sigh. Two drunk vamps in one night, fabulous. \u201cAngel come inside and sit down.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, please. Let me finish. When you said you loved me I just reacted. I guess I had sat in that room so long, whispering it to you in your sleep, that I forgot you never heard me. I\u2019m sorry. And as for the way I acted at your apartment\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s not my apartment,\u201d she bristled.<\/p>\n
He sucked in a breath at his mistake, \u201cThe way I acted at the penthouse was\u2026was terrible.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI agree,\u201d she crossed her arms. The hurt of his words washing over her again.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen you were possessed, you\u2026 no,\u201d he corrected himself. \u201cThe demon, said things, did things specifically to hurt us, but especially me. It wasn\u2019t your fault. I know that. If anything it was mine, for not noticing that it wasn\u2019t you, for not protecting you from it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve never blamed you for anything that Angelus has ever done Angel, because I know the diff\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd so do I Cordy. It was stupid of me. I\u2019m a hypocritical, possessive, evil bastard. Please forgive me,\u201d he lifted her hand up and kissed her palm, immediately smelling and tasting blood. His head shot up, \u201cWhat happened? Who did this?\u201d If he hadn\u2019t been drunk, blood might not have been the only thing he sensed.<\/p>\n
\u201cRelax,\u201d she pulled her hand out of his. \u201cI cut it on the glass of the side door.\u201d<\/p>\n
Even in the dark she could see his look of suspicion.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s the truth Angel. I was running away so fast, trying to get somewhere familiar that I didn\u2019t even think about the place being locked up.\u201d<\/p>\n
Accepting her explanation, he lifted her hand up to his face, the one with the deep scratch, and brushed the back of it across his cheek. \u201cI shouldn\u2019t have let you come here without me. I\u2019m sorry I wasted those first few hours we had together, that I had you back. Please say you forgive me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, it\u2019s not that simple,\u201d her heart screamed at her that it was.<\/p>\n
The alcohol started telling him that his apology needed a dramatic touch, so Angel sank down awkwardly to his knees, ready to beg her forgiveness. He pressed his chin against her navel, and gripped her hips, the coolness of his hands and face seeped through the thin fabric of the beautiful dress, causing an uncontrollable shiver to shoot through her body. \u201cI love you so much Cordy, but I know those are just words to you,\u201d his voice vibrated against her, producing a hot, trembling sensation she couldn\u2019t seem to push away. \u201cBut if you let me love you,\u201d he continued, \u201cI promise never to waste another minute. I promise to prove to you how much you mean to me, not by what I say, but by what I do.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia couldn\u2019t help herself. She closed her eyes and thread her fingers through his hair, stroking the messy spikes, soothing him seemed instinctual to her. He was making her forget. Forget the plan she had. She had to keep it straight. She loved him. God she even forgave him, but she knew that before she could give her love to him completely or accept his in return, she had to save him, had to get her family back. \u201cI forgive you Angel,\u201d she whispered and opened her eyes. Although he looked up at her now, she still couldn\u2019t see him, not completely, just a few shadowed features and a small glint in his eye from the street lights below. But she could feel him, feel his relief at her words. She was glad she could give him that at least. Let him feel that peace before hurting him.<\/p>\n
Angel felt her relax, softened by his words. He rose and leaned close to her, his lips feathering across her cheek as he whispered against her skin. \u201cI love you,\u201d this time the words weren\u2019t desperate or pleading, just full of hope. \u201cI\u2019ve lost my way without you here. This night should have started so different Cordy, let me make it up to you. I\u2019ll do anything to show you just how much you mean to me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hot tears filled Cordelia\u2019s eyes. She wanted nothing more in that moment than to leave with him, to go wherever he wanted, heaven or hell, it didn\u2019t matter. But she had a plan, she had to save him, no matter the cost. He said he would do anything, anything to prove his love. She had to use it. She pushed him back slightly and looked into his eyes, partially hidden in shadow. \u201cCome home,\u201d she ordered coolly.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou said you would prove how much I meant to you, that you would do anything. Well, prove it. Come home.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy, I can\u2019t. I made a deal with them. I have to keep it to keep you safe, to hold on to my soul.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd what about the mission?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThere is no mission Cordy, there never was.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re wrong,\u201d she stated quietly. \u201cYou believed the lie Angel. The lie that Skip and Wolfram and Hart and all the other long list of enemies we have told you because you wanted to. Because you were tired. Tired of the fight. Evil will always try to pull you from your mission, your purpose, because it fears you, because you\u2019re a champion. At least you were,\u201d she even felt the sting of those words.<\/p>\n
Cordelia turned from a speechless Angel and walked back into the suite, stopping once she was several feet inside, never turning back around to look at him. \u2018Stick to the plan\u2019, she reminded herself. She closed her eyes tight, forcing the tears away. She couldn\u2019t cry, not until he was gone. \u201cIf you\u2019re not going to come in,\u201d she forced her voice to sound cold. \u201cWould you shut the doors? There\u2019s a chill tonight.\u201d Not waiting for an answer and knowing he wouldn\u2019t come in, not yet anyway, she walked to the bed and laid down, holding back her sobs until she heard the doors softly close.<\/p>\n