Part 23<\/b><\/p>\n
Cordelia had told him to sit down and get comfortable before she’d even closed the door, shutting them inside her home and to Angel cutting them off from the world and his last chance to stop himself from doing something\u2026.<\/p>\n
He still wasn’t sure if it was something stupid, right or something in between. After her mandate, she’d disappeared down the short hallway and into her bedroom, talking about needing to get out of the clothes she had on. A visual he didn’t need, but damn was it good \u2013 Cordelia Chase in nothing but black hose and a bra, Cordelia in nothing at all. Angel growled, he’d tried to stifle it but the frustration mixed with lust was too overwhelming and he turned around and took in her living room.<\/p>\n
It was warm, earth-toned, much like the woman who lived there with the touches of vivid red and golden yellow\u2026the colors of an autumn in New England. He took off his coat and realized it was easy to picture Cordelia surrounded by a the golden sun of a October day, the color made more warm and deep by the red and yellow leaves still clinging to the trees, a few floating in the air, behind her as if drawn to fly because of her smile. His mind started to form the picture, the shapes, the shadows and he started to look around for his sketch pad before he remembered.<\/p>\n
He wasn’t home. He wasn’t alone with is mind falling into more and more images and fantasies about Cordelia Chase. He was in her home, in her world and he suddenly truly felt like the demon he was. Had he come here to\u2026be that monster?<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, I feel so much better now?” Cordelia’s voice broke his concentration and the question was forgotten when he saw her. She’d changed into gray sweat pants, a simple long sleeved white pullover shirt and freed her hair from the intricate twist she’d had pulled it up into. She looked amazing, she looked amazing every damn time he saw her, he wondered at how she hadn’t managed to jumpstart his heart<\/p>\n
It didn’t matter to him that such a thing was impossible looking at her made him want to believe it was. He stepped backward then trying to escape the way she affected him and cleared his throat, searching for an action or words. “Uh, you look it.”<\/p>\n
“I look better?” Cordelia asked, her eyes zooming in on him.<\/p>\n
“Uh, no, I mean, you said\u2026comfortable. You look comfortable.”<\/p>\n
Cordelia smiled and raised her eyebrow at him. “You don’t.” She shook her head and erased the space between them, her hands reaching up and grabbing the collar of his coat. Before he knew it he was moving with her actions and his leather armor had been stripped off him. Cordelia’s eyes sparkled when she met his and said. “There, one layer of black gone, don’t you feel better?”<\/p>\n
Angel watched her cross the room and carefully fold his jacket over a chair by the front door and he shifted uncomfortable on his feet. When she turned back to him she started to laugh. “What?” he asked, his self-consciousness reaching new heights.<\/p>\n
“You just look so uncomfortable, like you are afraid if you move you’ll disturb something\u2026 and what I don’t know. I don’t have too many knickknacks to break.”<\/p>\n
“I just\u2026I shouldn’t be here,” Angel said, running his hands over his face, digging his fingertips into his lower lip and looking up at the ceiling. What the hell was he doing?<\/p>\n
“Unbelievable.” Cordelia said but it sounded more like a snort. Angel looked up and saw her body language had completely changed. She stalked into her kitchenette and started to fill her tea kettle. All her motions jerky, and getting harsher with obvious building anger. He could smell it practically oozing off of her as her heart rate picked up with the rush that comes with any level of rage. Maybe she wasn’t seeing red but he’d managed to piss her off \u2013 a lot.<\/p>\n
“It’s not that\u2026it’s just that\u2026”<\/p>\n
“It’s just what?” Cordelia snapped, dropping the kettle onto the burner and stalking over to her refrigerator and swinging open the door. “Spit it out Angel?”<\/p>\n
“I’m a vampire.”<\/p>\n
“Duh.”<\/p>\n
“Cordelia, I fight\u2026I have done\u2026 I do\u2026 my life\u2026”<\/p>\n
“You’re life has a purpose \u2013 and obviously it’s one you don’t want to share with me.” Cordelia muttered and Angel’s eyes widened when he saw her pull out a pint of blood and slam it on the counter.<\/p>\n
“That’s, that’s blood.”<\/p>\n
“Duh. Vampire. What am I going to offer you a bit of my Bigelow Mint Tea?”<\/p>\n
“Uh\u2026”<\/p>\n
She pulled a mug out of her cabinet.<\/p>\n
“That isn’t the same blood from before\u2026”<\/p>\n
“Of course it’s not\u2026it’s\u2026” Cordelia suddenly trailed off and stared at her feet. When she looked up she looked angrier than ever and yet completely vulnerable. “I’m so pathetic. I bought fresh freaking blood, for you\u2026you who comes here and gets my\u2026I don’t know what you did, but you did it and now you are already getting all ready to go on with the\u2026 You shouldn’t be in my life Cordelia. Like I’m some, some, some, innocent.” She threw up her hands.<\/p>\n
“But you know what? You did come over, yeah, that’s right. You came over, Bub. So my impulse of wishful thinking at the deli counter\u2026and other question about if I was making blood soup\u2026was not a loss. So you are drinking it. That’s right. You are drinking it and you are going to enjoy it, you stupid dumbass, ungrateful\u2026 “<\/p>\n
“Hey. I’m not\u2026” Angel stared at the blood and then at the woman he’d really managed to piss off and maybe it was more than that. She’d brought him blood all out of the hope he’d come over? She’d\u2026”you brought me blood?”<\/p>\n
Cordelia groaned, her head falling down. “Haven’t we already gone over this\u2026I don’t want to re-live the obvious stupid –“<\/p>\n
He didn’t even realize he’d done it until he had her hands in his. He’d crossed the space between them with vampiric speed to cut her off. He’d grabbed her hands and forced her to look him in the eyes. “Shut up.”<\/p>\n
Her eyes widened and he saw rebellion in them, she had no intention of listening to him, so he dropped one of her wrists and covered her mouth his hand. “I said shut up, Cordy. I can leave my hand here all night until you nod your promise to keep that pretty mouth shut. You still have your nose for breathing.”<\/p>\n
The rebellion vanished and Angel wasn’t sure it was even possible but her eyes widened more and he heard a muffled question he couldn’t make out.<\/p>\n
“What?” he asked but he didn’t move his hand.<\/p>\n
“Mhmad mhmid mhmou mhmall mhme?”<\/p>\n
“Mad mid mou mall me?” Angel repeated the sounds he thought he heard.<\/p>\n
She bit his hand, it didn’t hurt, in fact it turned him on but it shocked him enough to let her get away from his grip. “What did you call me?” she asked in a shout before he grabbed her again, held her tighter and covered her mouth again. And she made him smile by growling against his hand.<\/p>\n
“Biting won’t work again,” he said. “And I’m thinking of calling you irritating, you need to shut up.”<\/p>\n
She just glared.<\/p>\n
“Are you going to shut up?” He asked, staring into her eyes and seeing nothing but stubborn resolve and something else he couldn’t pinpoint. “Just agree to be silent by nodding and I’ll let go?”<\/p>\n
She made another catlike sound into his hand and just squirmed in his grip, something Angel was highly enjoying \u2013 enjoying too much. This was damn fun and he couldn’t let it get out of hand. “Fine, I’ll just tell you while I have you captive.”<\/p>\n
She growled again and he took it to mean, get on with it then and grinned down at her. “You bought me blood and I am not ungrateful, got it. And I do want to be here, I just shouldn’t be\u2026because, because I keep thinking about you and drawing you\u2026and last time I did that I nearly went evil\u2026and I can’t lose sight of the mission.” He let her go, pushed her an arms length away from him and then stepped backward again. “You rile me up and that, that isn’t \u2026” he trailed off because he didn’t want to say it was bad but he couldn’t say it was right either.<\/p>\n
Cordelia stared at him until the whistle of her kettle pierced the air, breaking the tension of the moment that had built up between them. She turned and poured herself a mug of tea, then turned and put the mug of blood into her microwave and pushed buttons. Then she stood there, watching the time count down as it heated up his blood and Angel waited, perfectly still for a reaction from her. Anything at all because until she did he wasn’t sure he could move. He wasn’t even sure what he wanted from Cordelia, but he wanted something, anything, except nothing. Everything in him was tensing up, he shouldn’t have come here\u2026this was the whole problem.<\/p>\n
“Wesley said I’d be safer away from you.”<\/p>\n
Anger and agreement surged through Angel. “I know,” he gritted out.<\/p>\n
“You don’t agree.”<\/p>\n
“I do agree.”<\/p>\n
“Oh,” Cordelia said. She still hadn’t turned around to face him, the microwave had beeped that the blood was done and she wasn’t moving. “You called me Cordy. Twice.”<\/p>\n
Angel didn’t know what to do with that, what was with this woman, nothing that made sense ever came out of her mouth. “It’s your name isn’t it?”<\/p>\n
“But\u2026” Cordelia turned around then. “You don’t understand? It’s\u2026not that it’s the name I tell friends they can call me. It’s not that\u2026 It’s that you said it like it meant something more, when you are here saying you shouldn’t be. Angel what is that?”<\/p>\n
Angel closed his eyes and tried to count to ten. He got up to two, then went to her microwave and pulled out the pigs blood and drank it all down in one gulp. It didn’t help, it couldn’t help but he thought maybe it would sate all the things coming at him in his head. And all of it was underlined by a crazy sense of rightness that he just couldn’t explain.<\/p>\n
“Great, you have no clue. Perfect.” Cordelia snorted and went to take the tea bag out of her tea and pour nearly half her sugar bowl into it. Angel watched her add sugar and sugar and finally cleared his throat.<\/p>\n
“What now?”<\/p>\n
“Sugar high?”<\/p>\n
“You just knocked back blood like it whiskey, don’t mock my sugar needs.” Cordelia added one more spoon and started to stir.<\/p>\n
“I can’t lose sight of the mission.”<\/p>\n
“And you want to blame me for the possibility before it’s even happened?”<\/p>\n
“No. Yes\u2026it’s a possibility.”<\/p>\n
“How do you know that?”<\/p>\n
“Because when you were playing bait, all I could focus on was your safety. You. You were the only thing on my mind. Not the demons, not the other victims. Just you.”<\/p>\n
“First of all, victims. No other victims, I was on your team. Not a victim.”<\/p>\n
Angel shook his head. “I couldn’t make that distinction, Cordy. You were in danger. Because of me\u2026and all I could think about was\u2026what if you are hurt, or worse and I don’t get to know\u2026” Angel trailed off.<\/p>\n
“Know?”<\/p>\n
“You know\u2026”<\/p>\n
“What? My favorite color, my favorite animal? My bra size.”<\/p>\n
“I know that.”<\/p>\n
“What!”<\/p>\n
Angel couldn’t hold back the smirk. “I’ve been around a while I have a knack for women’s measurements.”<\/p>\n
Cordelia stepped closer to him, forgetting her tea, and put her hands on her hips. “Too much information, Mr. Thinks-He-Knows-What’s-Good-For-Me.”<\/p>\n
Angel finished running his eyes over her curves, reaffirming his decisions on her measurements and trying not to wonder how they’d feel under his hands. He wasn’t winning and he stepped closer to her as well. “This is dangerous.”<\/p>\n
Cordelia rolled her eyes. “That you want to know something about me?”<\/p>\n
“Not something, Cordelia, everything.”<\/p>\n
Cordelia eyes widened. “Oh.”<\/p>\n
“Yeah,” Angel moved closer. “I can’t stop thinking about you,” he admitted his voice lowering.<\/p>\n
Cordelia just breathed.<\/p>\n
“I keep drawing you.”<\/p>\n
Her breath caught, her blood quickened but Angel could only sense anticipation, smell arousal and it started to cloud his mind. There was a reason this was wrong, dangerous, a good reason, a really good reason\u2026 something about his past, Darla, his mission to fight the good fight. “Cordy, you are\u2026”<\/p>\n
“I am?” she whispered right before their mouths connected and there was no going back.<\/p>\n
Part 24<\/b><\/p>\n
All it took was that split second of tasting Cordelia and Angel lost control. He grabbed her by her hips and roughly pulled her against him. And there was no hiding a triumphant smirk when her gasp opened her mouth \u2013 it\u2019d been the plan. Angel deepened the kiss, hands running up and down her spine and one finding its way into her hair. Cordelia\u2019s beautiful, thick, chestnut hair the subject of his dreams for nights was soon tangled in his fingers. And it wasn\u2019t a fleeting fantasy, it was real.<\/p>\n
Angel growled out \u2013 a curse, her name, something divine. He wasn\u2019t sure of the sound that left his throat because he wasn\u2019t aware of anything past her heat, or the muffled moans from her throat, or the vibration of her heart against his chest. Angel was aware of everything that was her body and his. But he\u2019d lost all coherence because the reality of how Cordelia\u2019s curves rubbed against his body was too damn good to think about anything but taking what he wanted from her.<\/p>\n
Take.<\/p>\n
Want.<\/p>\n
Those two words ran through his mind, as he drank in her taste, felt her fingernails rake up and down his back and within seconds she was slammed against the refrigerator. Without breaking the kiss, he managed to grab her wrists with one hand and pull them over her head; while his other hand started to tug at the hem of the damn cotton shirt she was wearing. But he was distracted from his quest to get past the layers between them when Cordelia bit down hard on his tongue. It drew blood, made his lust for rocket up higher but shocked him just enough he broke the kiss and stared at her, the corners of his mouth twitching in amusement.<\/p>\n
\u201cOx,\u201d Cordelia panted out as she met his gaze and Angel licked his lips the sight of the glazed look in her hazel eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cOx?\u201d he echoed, having no clue what he was saying as his free hand found it\u2019s way under the white cotton and he felt the smooth skin of her stomach. He fanned his hand out over her skin.<\/p>\n
\u201cOxygen. Human. Must breathe,\u201d Cordelia said, her eyes now locked on his mouth.<\/p>\n
He nodded, a distant part of his mind actually processing her words before he latched his mouth onto the pulse point of her neck. \u201cRight. Breathing,\u201d he murmured between kisses.<\/p>\n
\u201cUh, huh\u2026I think. I think I\u2019ve had enough air.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel chuckled into the skin of her neck, sniffed in the scent of her blood, heady with arousal and adrenaline from their actions. He licked her skin and then started to suck, and let go of her wrists. And both his hands were against her delicious fiery, silky skin and rising higher until they cupped her breasts\u2026 her glorious naked breasts.<\/p>\n
\u201cDamn, Cordy, no bra?\u201d He broke away from her neck and grinned but gave her no chance to answer by ripping her shirt off in one quick move. And there was the sexiest sight he\u2019d ever seen. Cordelia Chase flushed, kiss-bruised lips with her eyes flashing at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou ruined my shirt.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI want to do this.\u201d And he bent down, took one of her breasts in his mouth and ran his thumb over the nipple of the other.<\/p>\n
Want.<\/p>\n
Take.<\/p>\n
Loving.<\/p>\n
Angel grinned as Cordelia\u2019s fingers raked through his hair and pushed him further into her\u2026scent, sound, and softness.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Her eyes wouldn\u2019t stay open; they kept fluttering shut from pleasure and Cordelia kept fighting to keep them open. She wanted to watch. Watch Angel\u2019s thumb go in lazy circles around and then over her nipple. Watch Angel\u2019s mouth suckle her other as she felt his tongue and teeth tease it in a pattern she couldn\u2019t anticipate. She groaned; in both pleasure and frustration as her eyes fell shut again.<\/p>\n
Her eyelids were not what she wanted to see\u2026she wanted to watch what was causing her body to hum. She\u2019d wanted to grip onto every second of it and her hands gripped onto Angel\u2019s hair and pushed him closer to her skin.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t stop,\u201d she said through gritted teeth and let her head throw back, not even noticing it bang against the refrigerator door. \u201cEver.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot planning too,\u201d came Angel\u2019s muffled reply. \u201cBut going to do more\u2026\u201d and his mouth was on hers, squelching the near-shout of disappointment he\u2019d left her breast.<\/p>\n
She gripped at his shirt, moved her legs further apart, wanting him closer and felt him against her — he was hard, ready for her but still he was kissing her, touching her breasts and driving her crazy. It felt like Angel couldn\u2019t get enough but he didn\u2019t seem to be in a hurry either.<\/p>\n
But she could hurry it up and even the damn playing field too, she thought. Grinding herself against his erection, her hands felt at his shirt and started to pull and tug at the buttons she could find. But her angle was all wrong making it nearly impossible to undress him, so she bit his tongue again\u2026once again surprising herself at the boldness of it, at the shock of blood in her mouth and this time at a growl that escaped her own throat.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia\u2019s eyes widened at his aggravation but soon forgot her anger when he bent down and started to suck on her other breast. Her mind snapped and for an entire moment she forgot what she\u2019d interrupted the kissing for. Then her hands fell onto his back and she remembered. \u201cShirt. Off. Now!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt is.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYours, not mine, dumbass!\u201d In an instant Cordelia felt a waft of cool air against her skin that made her shiver. Grinning she realized he\u2019d moved to take off his shirt and a thrill of anticipation raced through her at the thought she\u2019d see him reveal all that skin. Only when her eyes focused he\u2019d already completely torn off his shirt but there was no wave of disappointment. Not when she caught sight of the hard angles his chest and abdomen.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhoa\u2026\u201d she whispered, \u201csalty goodness.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel moved and Cordelia\u2019s breath caught when she realized that his hands were around her wrists. He brought them to his chest and met her gaze. Dark lust met her at the same time she made contact with skin. Soft skin and it shocked her and her eyes fell to the flawless silk that she felt against her palms. \u201cSilky goodness\u2026\u201d she breathed and she never noticed Angel release her wrists.<\/p>\n
Cordelia was already lost in her roaming, both her hands around his nipples, touching the darker skin circling them and then up toward his shoulders. Hard planes covered by skin so soft it reminded her of the few babies she\u2019d held. It awed her and she fell into her own hard, as her hands roamed down to his stomach, tickling around his belly button\u2026 She didn\u2019t know the reactions she was getting, she didn\u2019t hear the small growls of pleasure or see the shine in his eyes as he watched her touch his skin.<\/p>\n
And then a thought entered her head, could she mar his skin and if she could would she even get to see it. Would her mark stay long enough for her to see it \u2013 and she brushed her hands back up to his shoulders, stepped forward and bit hard on his right shoulder.<\/p>\n
That growl she heard, and Angel started to pull her closer but she pushed away and locked her eyes on where she\u2019d left little indentations of teeth marks\u2026and watched them vanish in that same moment.<\/p>\n
\u201cNot fair?\u201d She whispered.<\/p>\n
\u201cWant to mark me do you?\u201d<\/p>\n
And Cordelia blushed, the realization of what she\u2019d done and who she was with hitting her for a moment, reminding her that her breasts were free, that she\u2019d felt him hard against her and bit him of all things. She looked up, refusing to back down from the truth or her embarrassment but nothing escaped her throat because Angel was kissing her again.<\/p>\n
Lust and passion warped her brain again, and she realized they were moving, that he was pulling down on her sweatpants and running his hands over her butt, with only her underwear between his hands and her skin. Her hands flew to his pants and started to fumble with the button\u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cCor! Honey, are you home. I can\u2019t find my key.\u201d<\/p>\n
Alec. Cordelia froze in place and Angel kept kissing her wherever he could reach, her throat, her mouth but she was stuck in place. Had she imagined it? Maybe it was a lie; maybe Alec didn\u2019t exist because if he did\u2026she was doing something so very wrong.<\/p>\n
\u201cCor! Are you in there? I thought I heard you when I walked up?\u201d And there was a loud knocking. \u201cI can\u2019t find my key.\u201d<\/p>\n
It was like an avalanche had hit her, she was suddenly cold, confused and very unhappy. Rational thought was flying back into her head too fast for her to process it and she pushed hard against Angel.<\/p>\n
Angel stifled a growl and stepped back from her, his eyes landing on the door they stood only a few feet away from and then to the door to Cordelia\u2019s bedroom. Cordelia eyes landed on her bedroom door, on the bed through it and realized just how close they\u2019d come\u2026how close she and Angel had come.<\/p>\n
\u201cCor? Are you there? I know I saw your car, honey\u2026Cordelia!\u201d<\/p>\n
Alec\u2019s voice was frustrated and insecure. \u201cBoyfriend. Boyfriend!\u201d She said to Angel in a harsh whisper, pointing from the door to her apartment and to herself\u2026and in that moment she saw her naked breasts and saw that Angel had gotten the sweats over her hips. \u201cNo, no, no\u2026\u201d she mumbled pulling her sweatpants up and then covering herself with her arms.<\/p>\n
Angel said nothing and did nothing more than cross his arms over his chest. \u201cI don\u2019t like him.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia turned from where she\u2019d sprinted to her kitchen and glared. \u201cSo. I have a boyfriend and this was wrong, it was so wrong\u2026\u201d she trailed off and her eyes widened. A huge detail that lust had somehow kept her from thinking the whole time she\u2019d been with Angel. \u201cCurse. Curse. I have a boyfriend and you have a curse! What were you thinking? What was I thinking and where is my bra?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou weren\u2019t wearing one, remember? And the curse is more complicated than you think\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat? Wait, I don\u2019t care\u2026 I have a boyfriend, Angel. A boyfriend and I promised myself I’d never\u2026. oh, god, I did. I cheated.\u201d Cordelia pulled on her shirt and then leaned her head against her refrigerator, self-hate joining her guilt as moments from her past floated through her head.<\/p>\n
She didn\u2019t know how much time passed while she stood there, her head against her refrigerator but she did hear Alec shouting a few more things, and being sure he\u2019d just heard her saying something to someone\u2026all of it doing nothing but making her feel worse.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy,\u201d Angel voice startled her and his hand was her shoulder. And it felt so solid, so right and wasn\u2019t that the problem? She looked up and realized he\u2019d gotten his clothes on. \u201cYou better let him in.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t suppose you\u2019d hide?\u201d<\/p>\n
He stared at her, his face stony but then he nodded. \u201cIf you\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia sighed. \u201cNo\u2026 he\u2019s heard me talking, might as well say we were rehearsing and we didn\u2019t hear him right away\u2026\u201d she bit her lip, hating herself for how easily the lie appeared in her mind. Angel just nodded and she felt a slight shudder at the look in his eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI won\u2019t tell him what we were doing.\u201d<\/p>\n
She felt a bit of relief and walked to the door, but as she put her hand on the door Angel spoke.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut I\u2019m not hiding the fact I want his girlfriend to be mine.\u201d<\/p>\n
Part 25<\/b><\/p>\n
Alarm shot through Cordelia at the thought of Angel saying anything to Alec. He had no right too, and \u2018mine\u2019? She was nobodies and her mouth opened to tell Angel just that but she had no time.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs there a guy in there with you?\u201d<\/p>\n
Is there a guy? Is there a guy! Cordelia\u2019s mind condemned her, she had just cheated on her boyfriend, something she\u2019d vowed to never do to anyone. Ever. So, she pushed away her alarm at what Angel might do, she could talk over him, pooh-pooh whatever it was he said. She could get control of the situation, and then she\u2019d figure out how to get herself out of this mess relatively unscathed.<\/p>\n
Making out with Angel, almost having sex with Angel, what the hell had she\u2019d been thinking? That it had made her burn from the inside out, and she\u2019d never felt so damn good in her entire life? Her mind betrayed her and she bit her tongue to stop herself from telling herself to shut up aloud and pulled open the door.<\/p>\n
\u201cSorry, we were rehearsing \u2013 Angel and I. Angel\u2019s the guy you heard. I didn\u2019t hear you right away. You know actors all caught up in the scene. I\u2019m sorry, honey\u2026\u201d she trailed, looking at Alec\u2019s face. Alec was standing there on the other side of her threshold looking hurt, confused and more than a little suspicious as his eyes darted quickly from her to Angel and back again.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe and you were rehearsing,\u201d Alec said, his mouth seeming to choke on every word and his stare landed squarely on her.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes,\u201d she said, amazed and shamed by how even her voice sounded. \u201cAren\u2019t you going to come in?\u201d<\/p>\n
Alec studied her, then he walked in brushing past her and Angel \u2013 who was standing way too close to her, making Cordelia want to strangle him. What did he think she was, his pet? Oh, God, did he think she was his pet, that wasn\u2019t of the good. Cordelia took a deep breath, trying to shut her mind down and moved to follow Alec. He was in her bedroom, pacing, she\u2019d never before felt like she was about to walk into her doom. Never, she was Cordelia Chase, she was other\u2019s peoples doom \u2013 never the condemned.<\/p>\n
Until she\u2019d broken one of the most important promises she\u2019d ever made to herself. \u201cDamn it,\u201d she whispered under her breath, then she turned to Angel and gave him her best glare in a silent order for him not to move.<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
And she almost grinned at him, something about how he was looking at her \u2013 it put this dark sheen to his eyes that reinforced how tingly her body still felt from his touches. She narrowed her eyes at him then, for her own sake, huffed and went to her bedroom. Where, if she was honest with herself \u2013 and she usually was \u2013 she still wanted to be in there with Angel. Only now that she was capable of rational thought she wasn\u2019t at all sure that it was a bad thing they hadn\u2019t made to her bed.<\/p>\n
However, there was no time for her to think about that, she had a boyfriend. A boyfriend, who was already jealous of Angel and not at all happy to find him in her apartment. Closing the door behind her, she put on her best smile and met Alec\u2019s somber gaze.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid he leave?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia\u2019s eyes widened. \u201cNo.\u201d The idea hadn\u2019t even occurred to her, why would she just hurry Angel out? Then she realized the one she wanted to hurry out was Alec and hated herself even more.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t you think he should?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia opened her mouth and then closed it. \u201cWe were rehearsing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo you said,\u201d Alec said and then he sighed. \u201cI just really don\u2019t like that guy. And I come here, looking for you because we barely see each other anymore. Didn\u2019t we have a lunch date today? Because I sat at our table for an hour, Cor.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia eyes opened, her mind whirring but she couldn\u2019t remember if they\u2019d made plans or not. Something that was happening more and more often, something she couldn\u2019t blame on Angel because it\u2019d started before she\u2019d met up with him again. \u201cI don\u2019t\u2026I forgot.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAgain?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia slumped against the door. She felt defeated, she didn\u2019t even know what to say to Alec. She\u2019d forgotten him again, and worse she\u2019d cheated on him \u2013 she\u2019d never hated herself but she feeling close to not liking herself very much at the moment. It was an unsettling and very foreign feeling and she didn\u2019t like it all.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd he\u2019s here, it\u2019s like he came into your life and is staying put. He sees you more than I do, Cor. Just tell me the scene you were rehearsing doesn\u2019t have kissing?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia wished her ceiling had bumps, why was it smooth, there was nothing to stare at, or count. Slowly she looked down reestablishing eye contact with Alec. \u201cI can\u2019t,\u201d she said her voice barely audible. She was still letting him believe a lie, but at least she didn\u2019t have to lie about kissing Angel.<\/p>\n
Alec tore off his tie, then took off his suit jacket and started pacing the length of the room again. \u201cGreat, fantastic. So this guy is kissing you and I\u2019m knocking on the door like some moron.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll go ask him to leave.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGood idea.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia bit her lip and stared at Alec, he was just a guy, a nice guy with a great paying job who showered her with gifts and wanted a committed relationship. They\u2019d had a good relationship at some point but she hadn\u2019t been happy for a long time. Something she had known but been denying for months. Denial was no longer an option, but what did she do now?<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll be right back.\u201d<\/p>\n
TBC<\/b><\/p>\n