Part 79<\/b><\/p>\n
\u201cNo thank you, Dennis,\u201d Cordelia brushed the back of her hand against her tears.<\/p>\n
The glass and blanket floated, bobbing once more in the air, trying to change the young woman\u2019s mind. Cordelia shook her head. The throw folded up neatly beside her as the glass settled on the coffee table with in arms reach of the sofa.<\/p>\n
Cordelia sniffled as the air vibrated around her, showing the concern of Phantom Dennis. \u201cI should\u2019ve known, you know.\u201d Cordelia hugged her knees rubbing her face in the cradle of her body. \u201cYou are the only dead person that I can trust,\u201d She gazed red-eyed into the room.<\/p>\n
The tempo of the vibrations slowed, asking a silent question.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel. He said he loved me. So, where is he? With Buffy. She came back from the dead. Cool, uh. The Darla blonde experience should\u2019ve clued me in- Blonde girlfriends of Angel just don\u2019t stay dead.\u201d Cordy gave a bitter laugh. \u201cGood thing, he never actually dated Gabriel, uh.\u201d<\/p>\n
The vibrations sped, swirling, still questioning.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. I\u2019m not upset that Buffy\u2019s alive. It\u2019s a good thing, it just that Angel made me believe that it was me who he really loved not her, not anymore. But that was a lie. I should\u2019ve known better than to trust him so much. He kicked me out of the hotel.\u201d<\/p>\n
The static in the air sparked expressing no longer questions but ghostly anger.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, I was mad at first too, I wish I could stay mad, it\u2019s easier than feeling my heart being ripped out piece by piece. I love him so much. God. It\u2019s hurts.\u201d Cordelia sobbed against her knees.<\/p>\n
The blanket floated up around Cordelia\u2019s slumped body, Dennis hugging the young woman in the only way he knew. The vibrations became soothing breezes embracing Cordelia.<\/p>\n
Cordelia willed her mind to go blank, to drive out the imagines of Buffy and Angel. But, it was hard. Close her eyes, and all she could see was the vampire\u2019s dark intense gaze filled with love and desire that only this morning were hers and hers alone, now directed towards bright blue ones.<\/p>\n
The Romeo and Juliet of the supernatural. Only now there was no curse to keep them apart, tragic star crossed lovers- nope not anymore. Cordelia felt nauseous knowing that Buffy and Angel weren\u2019t just gazing at each other but touching each other, rediscovering each other\u2019s bodies, making love.<\/p>\n
I knew I loved you when the sadness and pain of Buffy\u2019s death was tempered with the knowledge that I had saved you- that I could move on because of you- that I wanted to-that you were who I thought about when I thought of home.<\/em><\/p>\n If she was alive, I would still love her, but I wouldn\u2019t need her like I need you, love her like I love you, you have become my life, my hope, my future, you are my best friend, not Buffy. <\/em><\/p>\n Cordy, this isn\u2019t a rebound love or a comfort love, this\u2026what I feel for you is real and all encompassing, I want\u2026need you in my life always. And now, for us always can be a very long time and I want you there beside me, guiding me, loving me, giving me hope. Forever, Cordy, if you want.<\/em><\/p>\n Well, Cordelia had wanted the forever Angel had promised and at that moment she hated Angel for taking it away, leaving her to be alone.<\/p>\n Part 80<\/b><\/p>\n \u201cBuffy\u2026?\u201d Angel started to ask as Buffy dragged him behind the diner into a small alleyway. The rest of Angel\u2019s question was cut off as he was thrown up against the wall.<\/p>\n Ow. What the fuck? <\/i>Buffy was attacking him. He reacted with a shove only to be slammed once more against the side of the diner.<\/p>\n His What the Fuck <\/i>, became more than confusion but panic as Angel felt Buffy crawl up his body, seizing his lips, her arms pinning him against the wall with a slayer\u2019s strength.<\/p>\n Angel jerked his hands to her shoulders trying to push her away. Buffy was attacking and kissing him. What the Fuck?<\/i> Angel was definitely having a surreal moment. He pushed again. \u201cBuffy?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShut up, Angel, just kiss me.\u201d<\/p>\n Okay, Angel had enough- Cordelia was the only one that could get away with pushing him around and ordering kisses. He shoved again, this time not holding back.<\/p>\n Angel regained his balance standing away from the wall. He didn\u2019t want to hit Buffy but she just better stay on her side of the small alley. And she better not have had broken his phone. Angel\u2019s hand went to his pocket, relieved that it seemed in one piece.<\/p>\n \u201cAngel,\u201d Buffy moved again.<\/p>\n Angel held his hands out, backing up as he studied the blonde, her breath was panting, her eyes blinking with a purpose and need. \u201cBuffy, what\u2019s going on.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI want you to kiss me, Angel.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat wasn\u2019t a kiss that was a mauling.\u201d Angel tried to understand but he was completely lost. Now Buffy\u2019s blue eyes were blinking with tears, as she started to come closer, gently touching his out stretched hand.<\/p>\n Angel tensed ready to push Buffy away again. But, the slayer just continued to move slowly, bringing his hand up to her face, rubbing her cheek into in his palm, tasting it with her lips.<\/p>\n \u201cKiss me,\u201d she begged softly, taking advantage of Angel\u2019s stillness, to slip her body between his arms leaning pulling his head down with her free hand, gently taking his lips to her.<\/p>\n Angel relaxed slightly, the kiss was more reminiscent of the ones they shared when they were in love. The memories flowed through his body as Buffy\u2019s soft lips teased at his, darting her tongue against his mouth, trying to find an opening.<\/p>\n Angel softly pulled away. There were so many things wrong with allowing himself to be swept up by the past, the greatest being his love for Cordelia. He could never lie his way out of her hurt and anger. But there was also the lack of any sane reason for Buffy\u2019s advances. \u201cBuffy, don\u2019t. I can\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh god.\u201d Buffy jerked back. \u201cYour soul, I\u2019m sorry. I\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Angel didn\u2019t correct her. That would work until Angel figured out what the hell was going on with the young woman.<\/p>\n \u201cBuffy, what just happened?\u201d Angel gently wiped at the tears trailing down her cheeks.<\/p>\n Buffy shoulder\u2019s slumped. God. She had been about to use Angel just to feel something other than the loneliness. Guilt overwhelmed her small frame. She hadn\u2019t even thought about his soul. \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s okay, but talk to me.\u201d Angel drew her into hug, seating them both on an old abandoned crate.<\/p>\n \u201cI need\u2026I can\u2019t feel anything Angel, I haven\u2019t been able to since they brought me back. I just wanted\u2026to feel something. I\u2019m so lost.\u201d<\/p>\n Angel tucked the young woman under his arm. Willow had said that she had done a spell to bring Buffy back from a hell dimension. Angel sighed. He should\u2019ve realized, having experienced his own trips to hell, literally and figuratively, if he counted his self-imposed isolation when he first came to LA and his later hell when he cut himself off from Cordy and his friends.<\/p>\n \u201cBuffy, it\u2019s\u2026it\u2019s going to be hard, to move on past the experiences of being trapped in a hell dimension. But, you\u2019re strong enough to do it and you will feel again. You just can\u2019t let yourself get closed off from your family and friends. You need them. Let them help you, and day by day, moment by moment, you\u2019ll find that you can feel again, believe that you\u2019re home, that you can live.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAngel\u2026\u201d it was on the tip of Buffy\u2019s tongue to tell him the truth, wanting to trust his concerned caring gaze.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Buffy, believe me. I do know something about being in hell and being able to move on. I was able to do it by letting my friends help me. Well, actually,\u201d he gave a small chuckle. \u201cCordy, just pushed her way in. But, with them, especially Cordelia, I found myself living and able to love again.\u201d<\/p>\n Buffy\u2019s truth froze on her lips as she realized Angel\u2019s. \u201cYou fell in love with Cordelia?\u201d<\/p>\n At Angel\u2019s nod, Buffy did feel something, something real- jealously.<\/p>\n She jumped up. \u201cYou are in love with Cordelia Chase?\u201d<\/p>\n Angel took a deep breath. He had planned on telling her, it would\u2019ve been pretty obvious when Cordelia was with him. But now that Cordy wasn\u2019t and he had seen Buffy, he wasn\u2019t so sure this was the best time, but Buffy had asked and he wasn\u2019t going to lie. \u201cWe are in love with each other.\u201d<\/p>\n Buffy\u2019s eyes widened, her stomach churning. \u201cWhat happened to being there for ME whenever I need you, for as long as I want,\u201d recalling their conversation at her mother\u2019s graveside. \u201cWere you lying, did you love her then.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI meant it, I still do. I will always be there for you.\u201d Angel said softly at her loud shout. \u201cI just won\u2019t leave Cordy. I love her\u2026and need her.\u201d Angel admitted gently, surprisingly glad that he had told Buffy no matter what Buffy\u2019s reaction.<\/p>\n \u201cYou left me.\u201d Buffy snorted bitterly.<\/p>\n \u201cI had to.\u201d Angel tried to remain balanced against the young woman\u2019s flaring emotions.<\/p>\n \u201cBecause we couldn\u2019t be together because of your soul.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat was a reason, but there was more also. I couldn\u2019t give you the normal life you wanted.\u201d Angel stated.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd you can give that to Cordelia Chase. Miss Materialistic.\u201d Buffy scoffed.<\/p>\n Angel frowned, some of his founded balance giving way. \u201cI can give Cordy the life she wants, its not the one she deserves, but it is the one she wants.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, Cordelia Chase, the Queen C, wants to fight demons and be frustrated, settling for hand holding and stealing chaste kisses, not likely,\u201d Buffy retorted.<\/p>\n \u201cCordy,\u201d Angel emphasized, \u201c believes in our mission and\u2026\u201d Angel sighed, saying the next truth. \u201cMy soul is bound.\u201d<\/p>\n Buffy stared, not believing what she just heard. \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBuffy, I love Cordelia, we are together. Life does move forward. You will see that again day by day. You will.\u201d Angel insisted, urging Buffy to see what he was trying to say, not just react about he and Cordy.<\/p>\n \u201cGo home, Angel.\u201d Buffy said coldly. \u201cYou can\u2019t help with this.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI want to.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, you can\u2019t.\u201d Buffy said bitterly.<\/p>\n \u201cBuffy, forcing yourself to feel something by throwing me against the wall, wasn\u2019t going to help. Fucking blindly in a alley or recapturing a love affair that has played itself out, isn\u2019t the way to learn to feel again.\u201d Angel said forcibly. \u201cYou need your friends, not acts of desperation.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou know this because you know me so well.\u201d Buffy narrowed her eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cNo. But, I do know that desperate acts and closing out your friends isn\u2019t living. It\u2019s stagnating and destructive to you and them. Don\u2019t make the mistake that I made. Let your family help.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd if it was \u2018your\u2019 family that caused it the first place, then what.\u201d Buffy shot back.<\/p>\n \u201cBuffy?\u201d Angel wasn\u2019t sure what the young woman was talking about. Her family saved her.<\/p>\n \u201cNevermind.\u201d Buffy shook her head.<\/p>\n \u201cBuffy?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, just leave.\u201d<\/p>\n Angel stood, sad in the realization that he had done nothing to help and possibly made it worse for the young woman.<\/p>\n Angel tried one last time. \u201cBuffy, what ever they did, they do love you. Remember that and you will be able to forgive them.\u201d<\/p>\n Buffy closed her eyes feeling nothing but the coldness of the hell she was brought back to. \u201cGood bye, Angel.\u201d<\/p>\n Part 81<\/b> Angel gratefully opened the door to the lobby. He was glad to be home. Well, he had been right. Buffy hadn\u2019t been alright and he definitely saw that for himself. Angel just hadn\u2019t been able to help her.<\/p>\n He glanced around hoping to see Cordelia waiting up for him. He frowned as all he saw were Wesley, Gunn, and Fred talking quietly, tension rolling off them in waves. He searched the hotel. \u201cWhere\u2019s Cordy.\u201d He sharply broke the soft mutterings of his friends causing them all to jump.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, good, yes, Angel, you\u2019re home.\u201d Wesley stood.<\/p>\n \u201cWhere\u2019s Cordy?\u201d Angel repeated. Not liking the d\u00e9j\u00e0 vu he was suddenly feeling. He half expected Fred to blurt out that Cordy was dead again and alive with MacLeod.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, well, Angel, we need to talk.\u201d Wesley nodded to his office.<\/p>\n No fucking way. This scene was not being played out again. \u201cWhere\u2019s Cordy.\u201d Angel growled.<\/p>\n Wesley sighed. Damn the stubborn vampire. \u201cShe\u2019s at her apartment.\u201d He finally answered.<\/p>\n A slight bit of tension left Angel that wasn\u2019t so bad. He turned for the door. Cordy could tell him why she was there at 3 a.m. and not in his bed upstairs.<\/p>\n \u201cAngel, sit down, we need to talk.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLater.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAngel, we need to talk before you see Cordelia.\u201d<\/p>\n Angel froze at the serious urgency of Wesley\u2019s tone. Angel studied Fred and Gunn. Fred was nodding vigorously. Gunn just kept shaking his head, rolling his eyes and muttering something about Angel not knowing shit about women.<\/p>\n Angel slowly returned to the sofa, confused by his friends\u2019 reactions. \u201cYou said Cordy\u2019s test were fine.\u201d<\/p>\n Wesley nodded. \u201cCordy is physically fine.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen\u2026.\u201d Angel stopped and stared at Gunn. The black man mumbled again that Angel didn\u2019t know shit about women.<\/p>\n \u201cAngel, please sit.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot until you tell me what\u2019s going on. Spit it out.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCordy moved out, she thinks you dumped her and went to be with your old blonde girlfriend, the Buffy one, not the Darla one.\u201d Fred burst out.<\/p>\n \u201cMan, you don\u2019t know shit about women,\u201d Gunn said loudly, taking Fred\u2019s statement as a welcome for his own.<\/p>\n Angel didn\u2019t just sit. He flopped to the sofa. \u201cUh?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWill you two please be quiet and let me talk to Angel.\u201d Wesley adjusted his glasses.<\/p>\n \u201cGet on with it, man.\u201d<\/p>\n Fred nodded her head with Gunn\u2019s in agreement. \u201cYou need to hurry, Cordy\u2019s still mad, she hung up on me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFred, she told us not to call her and you called her ten times.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI had to, I had to make sure that she wasn\u2019t at the airport flying off to Duncan. I think she pulled the phone out because I\u2019ve only been able to get a busy signal for the last couple of hours. That\u2019s why you better hurry and tell Angel\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat he\u2019s a dumbass.\u201d Gunn interrupted.<\/p>\n Fred shrugged a little. \u201cWell, you just need to hurry, so Angel can fix it. I can\u2019t tell if she\u2019s still in her apartment and not flying off to Duncan.\u201d Fred anxiously continued.<\/p>\n \u201cFred, Cordy is not going to Paris to be with Duncan.\u201d Wesley rubbed his temples.<\/p>\n \u201cHow do you know? She was really mad.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI have her passport.\u201d Wesley waved the document in front of the brunette.<\/p>\n \u201cLeft it behind when she cleared out her stuff because the vamp\u2019s a dumbass.\u201d Gunn added.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you tell me?\u201d Fred rolled her eyes. If she had known she wouldn\u2019t have had to worry so much less.<\/p>\n \u201cALL OF YOU SHUT UP.\u201d Angel shouted.<\/p>\n \u201cNow,\u201d he demanded in the silence. \u201cWhat are you all talking about? What could\u2019ve made Cordy think I was leaving her for Buffy\u2026And, DON\u2019T CALL ME A DUMBASS AGAIN,\u201d he growled at the start of Gunn\u2019s interruption.<\/p>\n \u201cWell you are,\u201d Gunn mumbled.<\/p>\n \u201cI heard that. Shut up. Wesley, talk to me.\u201d<\/p>\n Wesley took a deep breath. \u201cAngel, Cordelia believes that you left her for Buffy.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI get that part, but the WHY is the part I\u2019m having trouble with.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBecause you didn\u2019t tell her otherwise.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t know shit about women.\u201d Gunn shook his head.<\/p>\n \u201cYou really should\u2019ve have reassured her, she\u2019s upset, but it will okay once you tell her.\u201d Fred nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cCordy doesn\u2019t need reassurance, what are you all talking about.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Angel, she did and does.\u201d Wesley rubbed his temple again.<\/p>\n \u201cCordelia knows that I love her. She knows why I had to see Buffy.\u201d Angel protested.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, she doesn\u2019t, Angel.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOf course she does.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, she doesn\u2019t.\u201d Wesley started to annunciate his words very slow and carefully for the benefit of the vampire.<\/p>\n Angel glared at the watcher.<\/p>\n \u201cSorry,\u201d Wesley coughed, \u201cAngel, all Cordy knows is that you and Buffy had a mythic love that ended not because you fell out love with each other, but because of circumstances, that you\u2019ve obsessed about that love for years, that you had to leave to grieve for three months when you thought Buffy died, that your soul became bound after that, that is when you told Cordy that you loved her, and yet as soon as you heard that Buffy was alive you left\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t forget the part where he kept saying, I want to see her, I have to see her, I have to, like a damn broken record.\u201d Gunn shot in.<\/p>\n \u201cThere was that part too. Angel, you left Cordy without telling her why or even that you expected Cordy to go with you. You just left Cordy angry, hurt and scared.\u201d<\/p>\n Angel shook his head. \u201cCordy knows that I love her, I told her that Buffy was in the past. She knows that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShe knew that when Buffy was dead, really in the past. She doesn\u2019t know it now. You didn\u2019t tell her, you just left.\u201d Wesley said gently.<\/p>\n Angel shook his head refusing to believe that Cordy could\u2019ve doubted his love. He had explained it to her. He had told her that his love was real, not something which sprang up as a rebound love. Angel looked back at his friends.<\/p>\n They were so sure about what they were saying.<\/p>\n \u2026. Go, Angel, see that she\u2019s alive, then\u2026then just\u2026what\u2026just know that the love of your life is alive\u2026go\u2026you got your soul grieving her, maybe this was why. Go.<\/i><\/p>\n YOU PROMISED TO LOVE ME, YOU BASTARD<\/em><\/p>\n Fuck. Angel got to his feet shaking his head.<\/p>\n \u201cAngel.\u201d Wesley was running out of ideas on how to make the make the vampire understand, maybe he should show him the chart Fred made up.<\/p>\n Angel held up his hand. \u201cI got it.\u201d He strode to the door.<\/p>\n
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