PART THREE- The Living<\/b><\/p>\n
Chapter One<\/b><\/p>\n
\u201cCome in, don\u2019t just stand there like two lost puppies.\u201d<\/p>\n
Lorne didn\u2019t glance up as Angel and Wesley entered the club. His gaze remained fixed on the amber liquid that was swirling against the glass in his hand. The green demon shrugged and put the glass to his lips.<\/p>\n
He swallowed then sighed. \u201cYou know things are bad, when the good stuff just doesn\u2019t light my fire. Come on baby,” he said as he brought the drink again to his lips. \u201c Nope, things are not good. Sit down, give a rest to your weary woes, and let me tell you how bad it really is.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLorne?\u201d Wesley looked around at the empty club, then at the table where the green host was sitting. Two empty shot glasses were placed near a large bottle of whiskey. \u201cYou expected us?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSent the merry folk on their way.\u201d The demon said not answering Wesley\u2019s question. \u201cNo need to wallow in others off key blues. I have my own and it seems so do you. Sit down, have a drink. It won\u2019t help, but it keeps the hands busy.\u201d Lorne looked at Angel.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat? Being human wasn\u2019t all that the storybooks made it out to be- the grass wasn\u2019t so green. Sit, big guy, you seem to make a habit of playing chicken with the fates. You\u2019re good, but you better be careful, someday, they won\u2019t blink and you will be truly damned.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThere is still a chance for Angel to\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t care about me, we\u2019re here about Cordy. The prophecy doesn\u2019t matter.\u201d Angel growled. \u201cIf you can\u2019t tell me how to save her then\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen what?\u201d Lorne scooted his chair back and stared at the vampire. \u201cWhat, Angel? What can you possibly do? You played the hero\/martyr and what does it get Cordelia, a big fat nothing. Cool your angry obsessive jets. Sit down, have a drink.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel growled in response.<\/p>\n
\u201cSit down, Angel.\u201d Wesley said as he took a seat. Wesley looked at the green demon. Lorne was frustrated, more than frustrated, he was angry. And that was not usual. It made Wesley apprehensive. Lorne knew something and Wesley was sure he wouldn\u2019t like it.<\/p>\n
\u201cAlways the voice of reason, aren\u2019t you Muffin. People do underestimate your talents, don\u2019t they?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLorne?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou just missed her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy?\u201d Angel jerked to the door, his feet already moving.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, if you care at all about the seer, sit down.\u201d Lorne shook his head.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, we came here to find out what to do next. Obviously, Lorne knows something. So, lets listen. We should not act impulsively right now.\u201d The rebuke was clear in Wesley\u2019s voice.<\/p>\n
\u201cTell us,\u201d Angel growled, slamming his body into the nearest chair.<\/p>\n
\u201cHats off to you Muffin, you do that well.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI may be the voice of reason, but even I have my limits.\u201d Wesley warned gently.<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course, don\u2019t we all. That\u2019s just it. The beautiful kitten has reached hers, or will soon be there.\u201d Lorne reached for the bottle. \u201cI really think you should have a drink.\u201d He filled his glass to the brim.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou saw her, what did she say.\u201d Angel said, brushing aside Lorne\u2019s attempt to fill the glass that was before him.<\/p>\n
\u201cNot much, she didn\u2019t have to, it was as clear as a rainbow. A broken, shattered rainbow, but clear, not a hint of gray on the horizon.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t start with the riddles.\u201d Angel growled.<\/p>\n
\u201cRiddle me this,\u201d Lorne turned and met Angel\u2019s yellow glare. \u201cWhat\u2019s beautiful, bright, and can\u2019t be fixed, not with all the king\u2019s horses or all the king\u2019s men. Give up?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI won\u2019t let Cordelia die.\u201d Angel\u2019s glare became deadly.<\/p>\n
\u201cI guess, I should have included that part where it says \u2018not with all the warrior\u2019s might can he save the Princess\u2019 from her plight.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNO.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLorne, enough. Obviously, you are angry but tell us what you know and how can we help Cordelia?\u201d<\/p>\n
Lorne blinked his red eyes towards Wesley. \u201cThat\u2019s just it you can\u2019t, he can\u2019t, I can\u2019t, and no one can. Cordelia is dying, she will die, and there is nothing we can do to prevent it. I am not one happy demon right now.\u201d Lorne slammed his drink on to the table.<\/p>\n
\u201cNO.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSaying it over and over again won\u2019t prevent it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat about Groo. The prophecy. You said\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know what I said. I was wrong, okay. I was wrong. The prophecy\u2026do you know how many prophecies there are out there waiting to be uncovered, waiting to be labeled as the \u2018one\u2019, but they mean nothing, but whatever the Powers want them to. And the Powers only wanted that particular one to work for a limited time. It seems that it had an expiration date hidden in the fine print. No, that window closed when the Princess chose to remain Angel\u2019s seer.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut, you said that it was something to do with Cordelia being human and demon\u2019s blood\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you, some sort of back up singer, repeating everything I ever said? I was wrong. Or at least about the blood part. It has everything to do with the Princess being human, but nothing about demon\u2019s blood. Nothing.\u201d Lorne turned to Angel. “Really loving the fact that you re-turned now, aren\u2019t you. I\u2019m saying the grass may have been just a tad greener on the other side.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel remained still as he had during all of Wesley and Lorne\u2019s conversation. Every un-dead cell in his body was about to erupt. If Lorne didn\u2019t start to make some sense soon, the green lounge singer would die, that was all there was to it. Because someone would die, it just wouldn\u2019t be Cordelia, it would never be Cordelia.<\/p>\n
Lorne\u2019s orange clad shoulder fell into his body. \u201cI\u2019ll try to explain it\u2026with out metaphors, rhymes or songs, will that keep you from killing me in the next few minutes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNow.\u201d<\/p>\n
Lorne nodded. \u201cHumans cannot be seer\u2019s. The Princess is an anomaly, one that shouldn\u2019t have happened. She has the heart and will to be a seer, but not the soul or rather she has a soul and therefore not the ability to be a seer.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSeer\u2019s don\u2019t have souls? How can that be?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDoyle had a soul.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel and Wesley both spoke at once.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhoa, one at a time. The easy one first. Doyle, I assume that we are talking about your former seer, the half-demon, half- human.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, he had a soul.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI wouldn\u2019t know, never met him. But, if he did and you say he did, then that was because he was half-human. Just like the Pylean beefcake, half demon, half cow. Which makes sense, in that Groo could have accepted the visions. As to your non PC attitude,\u201d Lorne turned to Wesley. \u201cSoul\u2019s do not goodness make. There are good non-souled beings, just as there are evil souled beings. I don\u2019t have a \u2018soul\u2019 but you don\u2019t see me luring young men into my abode, cutting them up and stuffing their entails in my refrigerator and snacking on them when the urge hits, now do you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI just thought..\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat you needed a soul to work for the Powers, nope, just dedication and wiliness to work under bad conditions and for low wages.\u201d Lorne used the opportunity of Angel and Wesley\u2019s silence to grab another drink and take a deep breath.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe soul is a human commodity, it\u2019s the whole humanity gig. The big lug has one because, well\u2026the prophecy and because vampires as odd as it seems are the demons that are the closest on the evolution chain to humans. After all, most of the vampires wandering around the world today were once human.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMost?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLet\u2019s not go into that demon lore right now, okay. There is still some debate in the demon ivory towers as to where vampires actually came from. I say who cares, they’re here, just deal with it. But there are some that think that vampires were originated from humans and therefore lesser. It\u2019s a whole I\u2019m better than you attitude that I just can\u2019t abide.\u201d Lorne shivered. \u201cMy point is – soul\u2019s, except for the brown-eyed wonder here, – are exclusive to humans. And the visions are or should be exclusive to demons or certain other supernatural types.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d Wesley\u2019s intellectual curiosity was getting the best of him. He loved new knowledge.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s amazing, I without a soul, know more about them than you two. Amazing. Talk about taking something for granted. All right, I can see that I touched on some sore spots. Anyway, the soul is a human\u2019s connection to humanity, life, the universe, and everything, including the restaurant at the end of it all. Never mind. A seer is able to tap into that connection from the visions. They feel, they see it.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, the part they get is the bad part, the terror, the evil, the sorrow, and the helplessness. But, because they don\u2019t have the whole connection they are able to separate, to distance what they see from their being, which allows them to survive, to live. Humans don\u2019t have that distance. They already get that the world sucks, they don\u2019t need, can\u2019t handle that fact in techno color. Your former seer, Groo, were and could have been the perfect seers because their humanity, their souls gave them the apathy, the insight that is within a soul and the protection that their demon inheritance gave them.<\/p>\n
Because, demons are not connected to humanity. We walk, we talk, we mingle and obviously when biology and the spark hits co-mingle. But we aren\u2019t human. Which is why most seers are demons; half-demons are rare and humans are not able. Granted a pure demon doesn\u2019t have that extra special something that humans have but seers don\u2019t really need that, it\u2019s a bonus, but not needed, all that is really needed is the ability to recall and to survive the visions.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen why would the Power\u2019s allow Cordelia to receive the visions from Doyle? Why would they want a seer that would just die?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey wouldn\u2019t. And if the Princess\u2019 soul had been\u2026\u201d Lorne took another drink. \u201cHow well do you know, the lovely lady, either of you? I know that you both love her, but how well do you know her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know Cordy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course, we all do.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel growled and Wesley gasped in agreement.<\/p>\n
\u201cReally? What do you know about her?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is insane. I know Cordelia. You\u2019re babbling on and on. You have told us nothing.\u201d Angel growled.<\/p>\n
\u201cSit down. I like you, thought I knew the Princess, knew who she was. I thought I had the answers. Remember, I had the advantage of seeing her aura, her soul. The girl is good.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you implying?\u201d Wesley sat up tersely in his chair.<\/p>\n
Angel\u2019s growls began to vibrate off the walls of the empty club.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m implying nothing, I\u2019m telling you what I know. Now, tell the big handsome lug to sit down. He is giving me the quivers.\u201d<\/p>\n
Wesley just glared.<\/p>\n
\u201cLook, I\u2019m not saying the Princess isn\u2019t human or evil or bizarre in anyway. I\u2019m just saying that you think you know her, but you don\u2019t. I didn\u2019t and I\u2019ve read the before and after shots. And what I saw explains how she became a seer, when she shouldn\u2019t have and why she will die. So peace and long life, for me especially.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cExplain.\u201d Angel\u2019s coiled body sat on the edge of the chair.<\/p>\n
Lorne bit back his comment and took another drink. He wasn\u2019t really frightened of the vampire and Lorne understood Angel’s anger. If Lorne had been a different type of demon, he too would be ready to throttle anyone and everyone. He took a deep breath. \u201cHumans can\u2019t be seers, because of their souls, their connection to humanity, demons can because they don\u2019t have that connection.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou said that already.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, but you need to hear me this time. Cordelia was able to accept the visions because at the time of the transference she did NOT have the connection to humanity that she, as a human, should have had. She..\u201d<\/p>\n
Lorne glared at the two stuttering males in front of him. \u201cYou wanted me to explain, I am. So, stop interrupting. Thank you.\u201d He said at their silence.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut how to, that\u2019s the quandary, I\u2019ll try to reduce it so that lay persons or demons with a soul can understand. A human soul, when seen is so many things, its Monet, Renoir, when things are truly crazy Jackson Pollock, when a tad dark, William Blake, just to name a few. The point is the soul is colors, sometimes making up beautiful landscapes, sometime just spattered splotches or others times they are rich, disturbing, but comprising the most meaningful thoughts and feelings. Good, bad, or ugly, that\u2019s the human soul. Always colors. Evil- they maybe a bit darker and bit, well a lot more disturbing, but colors just the same. Sad- dimmer, slower, less blinding, but there. Demons, while they don\u2019t have souls, also have color, but it\u2019s more of the minimalist type. Bright strokes in a background of gray, sometimes black, sometimes white, but mostly gray. Not any less awe-inspiring, just not the same.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is\u2026.\u201d Angel started to get up his hands clenched against the table ready to crush it with his strength.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs what you need to understand. This is why Cordelia is going to die. So, sit down.\u201d Lorne shot at the angry vampire.<\/p>\n
\u201cGray, the predominate color of demons. All demons have it, no matter how bright the strokes that splash through it. The background is always gray or it is when that demon is a seer. Because the gray is the separation, the block to humanity. You,\u201d Lorne pointed to Angel. \u201cAre gray.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBeige\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou are that awful color when you decide to ignore you humanity and dance with the devil, so to speak. But, mainly you are gray. You could have taken on the visions, if that\u2019s what the Powers wanted. But, it\u2019s not and you wouldn\u2019t have wanted them.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWould do anything for Cordelia, but if you took on the visions, then you would have never become human. Because the gray that would allow you to take on the visions would prevent the colors of your soul from expanding, developing, becoming the connection you would need to be human. You see, a seer can\u2019t have both; the closest is the half demon, half human kind. But even they aren\u2019t completely connected to humanity; the gray that they inherit prevents them. And while it prevents them from being truly human it keeps them safe from the traumas of the vision.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia is not a demon.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, but she had the gray in her soul at the time of the transference. The Power settled into a compatible host. It didn\u2019t matter that the gray of Cordelia\u2019s soul was not natural but manufactured.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cManufactured.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201dGrey is the predominant color of demons, but human\u2019s also have it. But, in a demon, it\u2019s natural, part of their being. In a human, the gray is produced, by the human\u2019s need to separate himself or herself from life, humanity. It\u2019s normal, not unusual; so don’t get shocked about that little tidbit of information. Typically, in my limited bar experience, humans that have gray in their aura are blocking out or hiding from pain- emotional, mental pain. It\u2019s a human\u2019s self-protection kicking in. Can\u2019t deal with something, shove it aside, shove it behind those convenient, ugly gray walls.<\/p>\n
Because it is ugly on a human, but sometimes necessary for their well-being. But the gray, is supposed to be only temporary, it\u2019s suppose to go bye, bye, if the soul is to develop and remain healthy. In other words, the human needs to get some therapy, relaxation, or some quick fix, which most do. The gray goes away, the color that it was blocking brightens, blossoms. The Princess had that gray when I first read her, I noticed, but\u2026\u201d Lorne took another large gulp of his drink.<\/p>\n
\u201cI chalked it up to the usual, and it wasn\u2019t like she didn\u2019t need that whole self-protection gig, hells bells, you all were a little bit gray,\u201d he shot to Wesley. \u201cThe whole off-tune trio. I mean Angel just went all beige, you humans were feeling a bit lost, it wasn\u2019t so out of the ordinary that you all would get some gray. The big guy threw you all for a whirly loop. Okay, so, Cordy\u2019s was a little darker, intense than the norm, but I just figured that was because she loved him. How was I supposed to know.\u201d? Lorne pleaded with Wesley.<\/p>\n
\u201cKnow what?\u201d Wesley said quietly, ignoring Angel\u2019s sudden jerk at Lorne\u2019s declaration that Cordelia loved Angel.<\/p>\n
\u201cHonestly, I didn\u2019t know until now.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cKnow what?\u201d Wesley repeated.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe gray. I should have known, should have realized, especially after Angel left. You saw how she was so cold, aloof cut off\u201d Lorne\u2019s attention was focused totally on Wesley.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe gray was back, but \u2026I should have realized.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRealized what?\u201d Wesley said softly.<\/p>\n
Angel wanted to throttle the green demon. Okay, for a brief moment his undead heart leaped. Both Wesley and Lorne seemed to think that Cordelia loved him, so maybe it was true. And that possibility created a warmth and joy in his soul that pulled to him beckoned him to get lost in. But they still hadn\u2019t heard anything that told him how to save Cordelia.<\/p>\n
So, the possibility of his joy would have to wait. Cordelia\u2019s well-being safety was more important. He choked the growl in his throat. He would give Wesley a little more time to get the demon to say something useful, and then he would act.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat those walls weren\u2019t recently made, not even in the last year recently made. The way they surrounded her soul, blocking out all colors. Somehow, somewhere, the Princess has gained the ability to manufacture those walls at a moment\u2019s notice, and not just a little barrier, but a whole blasted cathedral of gray stone walls. I didn\u2019t see it, because she didn\u2019t have it when I read her the first time. Sure there was gray, but you see I assumed that it was the start, not remnants. What do they say, to assume is to make an ass of me, a sad tired angry green ass.\u201d?<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy is that important?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou mean other than the whole sadness of it, well I guess there is the whole her dying bit.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy is it relevant that Cordelia had built up those..gray walls. You said that was not unusual.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not if it\u2019s a little bit, or hell, maybe it is usual, even with the beauty of their souls, humans can be evil or just plain mean.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt wasn\u2019t a fluke or sick moment of humor on the Powers part that allowed Cordelia to receive Doyle\u2019s visions, it was because she, at that time was predisposed to them. She had for whatever reason, cut herself off from humanity, from life, she had erected enough gray walls, that the visions thought, if they had a thought, found a home.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, I was there, Cordy has always been life, my life she has\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBeen your life\u2026what about hers? \u201c<\/p>\n
Angel just stared.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d Wesley asked softly.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s why I asked you if you really knew her, really knew her. Not just what she shows you. Haven\u2019t you ever wondered how a girl, a girl of what twenty-one, is she even that old, one forgets, could not go stark raving mad at all that she has been through. What, she been impregnated forcibly twice by demons, she has been kidnapped, tortured, faced the possibly of Muffin\u2019s death, faced Doyle\u2019s death, been betrayed more than once by Angel, and still makes you both coffee in the morning, I\u2019m of course leaving out the total number that the visions do to her. Get a clue, folks.\u201d<\/p>\n
Wesley and Angel stood slack jawed. They hadn\u2019t wondered. They just knew that Cordelia was strong.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe is strong\u2026\u201d Wesley ventured.<\/p>\n
\u201cStrong, but not a robot. Well, actually in a weird way she is just that. She has managed to stay sane and alive this long, because of that grayness, because she has had the ability to shove her feelings aside, to allow none of her own feelings to touch her being.\u201d Lorne shook his head. \u201cIronic, we have some sick bastard to thank for that\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe walls didn\u2019t just magically appear, something, most likely someone forced her to build those walls. And before you get all vamp-a-centric, she must have had that ability before she met you.\u201d Lorne said at Angel\u2019s unneeded intake of breath.<\/p>\n
Angel turned and paced. What he was hearing didn\u2019t make any sense and the implications inflamed the rage that was already simmering within him.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf she has this protection, then why is she dying?\u201d Wesley refused to think about how Cordelia must have originally formed those walls.<\/p>\n
\u201cYour gray, is showing Muffin man,\u201d Lorne shook his head. \u201c Cordelia is dying because she no longer has that protection.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou said\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou wont\u2019 trip me up again, I said she had them. I said that they showed back up when Angel left. But, not to the extent that they need to be for her to remain alive and handle the visions. The Princess somewhere from when she received the visions to when I first read her, dissolved those walls on her own. She obviously began to feel something that she couldn\u2019t lock away or hide from or didn\u2019t want to. Three guesses as to what that was or do you need another riddle.\u201d Lorne stared at Angel.<\/p>\n
\u201cObviously, you need a brick dropped on your dense skull. Cordelia fell in love, a love so strong that it broke through those walls that she erected. Again, can we guess with who?\u201d<\/p>\n
Wesley flopped back in his chair, his mouth wide open. Angel stopped his pacing and stared.<\/p>\n
\u201cHer love for Angel is killing her?\u201d Wesley said.<\/p>\n
\u201cBingo. Give the Englishman a scone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d Angel tensed, the guilt filling his soul.<\/p>\n
\u201cYep, but don\u2019t feel so important, Muffin here is also to blame as is the Macho Guy, even the new kitten and me. It seems that the Princess loves us all. Cool, uh. \u201c Lorne blinked at the water that was involuntarily forming in his eyes. \u201c Strange, uh, it seems every time we tried to reach her when she went all stealth on us, we were just making it worse.\u201d Lorne blinked at Wesley.<\/p>\n
This time Wesley said, No, loudly and firmly.<\/p>\n
Lorne nodded. \u201cThat\u2019s why we can\u2019t help her, we are what makes her weak in the Powers eyes, especially the lug here. That\u2019s why they shansued him early. He wasn\u2019t ready\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201dThat last battle, he was human\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMuffin, how many Armageddons have you managed to live through, that was just another one. Armageddons are like prophecies, a dime a dozen. That wasn\u2019t the one.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen why, \u201c Angel asked quietly.<\/p>\n
\u201cTo get you out of town, of course. Somehow, they knew that you would take your newfound humaneness and go running to Buffyland and that the Princess would start reconstructing her walls. Like, I might have mentioned good seers are hard to find, warriors on the other hand\u2026well look at replacement beefcake, enough said.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut..\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut, what? You screwed up again. Turning all-fanged again, ignoring the path that the Powers set you on. Speaking as an employee of the high and mighties, I think that they have been pretty darn lenient about your side trips away from the agenda. And, truth be known, they have been pretty good to the Princess..\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia is going to die.\u201d Wesley said.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, but she was a mistake that shouldn\u2019t have happened. But it did, the Highers didn\u2019t just toss her aside, no, they waited and watched. And what they saw was a human that could be a pretty damn good seer. So, they let her be, until she reached the point of no return. She became more than a good seer, but a very good seer, the type that prophecies were written about.<\/p>\n
But still, they gave her the chance to give it all up. The Princess didn\u2019t take it\u2026.Tell me Muffin, if you had known, would you\u2019ve forced her to do the comy thing with Groo, I would have. Cordelia chose, sealing her fate. But the Powers still tried to make it viable, by granting Angel his deep breathing skills. But, unfortunately, omniscient they may be, Oprah they’re not, they had no concept the havoc that love can do to a finely tuned plan.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you saying.\u201d?<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat part do you want me to repeat.\u201d?<\/p>\n
\u201cNone just tell us how to save Cordelia.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, that part. You can\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut if she has the walls\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat part also, she doesn\u2019t. Angel\u2019s last stunt fixed that. The vision of Angelus was too much. You see, the pain, the terror, the sorrow, the despair, the hopelessness of that vision wasn\u2019t some stranger\u2019s feelings; they were hers. Angel lost his humanity, and his soul. Hell, guys, that\u2019s all she has been living for since she has finally let the colors in. Of course, it destroyed her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI killed her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s was the shorter version that I was trying to avoid. But, yes, I think finally now you understand. Now leave, I have no more answers, I have no more hope, the 100 year bottle of whiskey is doing nothing for me, and neither are your spectacular brown peepers.\u201d Lorne struggled to his feet. \u201cIt\u2019s a real shame, I really\u2026hells bells maybe she can do it, she says she can.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel\u2019s arm shot out and jerked the green demon off the ground. \u201cDo what? What haven\u2019t you told us?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOuch\u201d Lorne cried as his hand struck against the steel band that was Angel\u2019s arm. \u201cYoa, Muffin, do something.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m afraid, I have to agree with Angel. I too would like to know what Cordelia must do.\u201d Wesley stood still, watching the green demon\u2019s face turn blue.<\/p>\n
\u201cJeez, all right,\u201d Lorne choked as Angel dropped him to the floor. \u201cIt\u2019s not like I was trying to hide anything. It\u2019s just that it\u2026well, I don\u2019t think it will work and you can\u2019t help it work\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLorne,\u201d Wesley said still standing back. \u201cYou are making Angel very angry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe Princess thinks that she can rebuild the walls, she thinks that she will be able to shut out her every feeling, ignore them, push them aside, that\u2019s all. I don\u2019t have high hopes. But she said she has had practice. Bastard. That\u2019s who you need to manhandle, who ever did this to her, who ever made her even capable of shutting her self off from her soul. Who ever brought the ugly gray to her, that\u2019s who. Not me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat won\u2019t help her though will it,\u201d Wesley asked quietly.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, she doesn\u2019t need revenge or therapy, she only needs to experience enough to get her running back behind her walls. After all, we want her to remain alive, not to be able to truly live. That\u2019s no longer an option.\u201d<\/p>\n