{"id":7058,"date":"2015-08-02T00:10:49","date_gmt":"2015-08-01T23:10:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/?p=7058"},"modified":"2024-11-11T20:03:57","modified_gmt":"2024-11-11T20:03:57","slug":"to-be-alive-or-to-live-33","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/2015\/08\/02\/to-be-alive-or-to-live-33\/","title":{"rendered":"To be Alive or to Live. 33-34"},"content":{"rendered":"

Chapter thirty-three<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWesley.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNot now, Angel.\u201d Wesley said tersely as he broke the last lock binding the vampire.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWes..\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Angel..\u201d Wesley said sharply.<\/span><\/p>\n

Angel almost in a sheepish manner shook off the metal and sat up. \u201cI\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Wesley shot him a hard look.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWes\u2026Cordy\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Wesley took a deep breath. \u201cAngel, what you did, was dangerous, irresponsible and just plain stupid\u2026\u201d Wesley shook his head.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAngel?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Angel\u2019s eyes shot to Buffy. Guilt transformed his face. \u201cBuffy, I..\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Wesley grunted. \u201cIf after all of this, you still haven\u2019t made up your mind then I will stake you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Angel stared at his friend. \u201cI\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhatever. I\u2019m leaving, going home to LA, to Cordelia. You do what you need to do. But, the next time she screams in pain because of you, I will kill you.\u201d Wesley\u2019s voice was full of a deep irrevocable promise.<\/span><\/p>\n

Angel watched Wesley leave the cave.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAngel,\u201d Buffy said again.<\/span><\/p>\n

Angel glanced back again to the beautiful blonde. He narrowed his eyes at the woman as if seeing her for the first time. She was the love of his life. Angel shook his head in disbelief. He couldn\u2019t have been more wrong. He couldn\u2019t help but laugh at his own blindness and stupidity.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry. Really, truly\u2026\u201d he said at Buffy\u2019s offended and surprised expression. \u201cI.. No really, I\u2019m sorry,\u201d he said calmed down, taking a deep breath. \u201cI had no right to put you all in danger from Angelus, but.. Well\u2026I\u2019m just sorry.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhy? I thought it was the only way to save Cordelia. and\u2026. And you know what, I still think it is. Buffy, I\u2019m really sorry and I know you deserve more of an explanation right now, but I don\u2019t have time. Wesley\u2019s mad enough to leave me and I have to get back home and talk to Cordy. I think she\u2019s mad, too. So, I\u2019m sorry, you don\u2019t deserve this, but I got to go.\u201d Angel hurriedly moved towards the exit.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh, don\u2019t stake Spike, it wasn\u2019t his fault. He didn\u2019t have a choice\u2026It\u2019s the whole weird family dynamics that vampire\u2019s have.\u201d Angel called as he ran after Wesley.<\/span><\/p>\n

Everyone stood stunned as they watched the fleeing vampire. Then slowly the human occupants turned and stared at the open-jawed blonde vampire.<\/span><\/p>\n

Spike tried not to squirm as he felt their gaze. He shrugged. \u201cPoof was my grandsire, it\u2019s a real potent bond between vamps. And the weird thing was, it still existed when the poof was breathing. I didn\u2019t have a choice, just like he said. I didn\u2019t, not at all, like I was telling you.\u201d Spike jumped gratefully at the half-truth that Angel had told.<\/span><\/p>\n

Giles narrowed his eyes, and then shook his head. \u201cEnough, this has all been a very trying and perplexing experience. He took his glasses off and rubbed his forehead. \u201cI don\u2019t know, but I feel like we have all just been guest stars in a drama of the life and times of Angel Investigations.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI hate crossovers,\u201d murmured Xander.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Chapter thirty-four<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWes, I\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t Angel\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s my car, I should drive.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Wesley swerved to the side of the road. \u201cFine. You drive\u2026\u201d The car door slammed roughly against its metal frame.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s just that you don\u2019t do the gears right. That\u2019s all.\u201d Angel scooted to the driver\u2019s side.<\/span><\/p>\n

Wesley mumbled as he got into the passenger side.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI just thought\u2026.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThought, as in thinking?\u201d Wesley let loose. \u201cYou weren\u2019t thinking not at all. Do you have any concept of what you have done? What you or rather Angelus could\u2019ve done. Spike? Spike? You trusted that\u2026 Do you care? Do you know? How dense can you possibly be? First\u2026.god, you are stupid.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWesley\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo\u2026Angel.\u201d Wesley took a deep breath. \u201cFirst, you were human\u2026HUMAN, Angel, therefore redeemed. Therefore\u2026..alive. But, no you screwed that up.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI did it for Cordelia.\u201d Angel defended trying to keep the big vehicle in between the white lines. This was why he didn\u2019t call Wesley when the idea first came to him, Angel just knew there would be a lecture involved. Granted he hadn\u2019t realized that it would be such an angry one or that Spike would be so incompetent.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cCordelia\u2026Cordelia\u2026Tell me Angel, did she seem very happy about the whole situation. I’m saying she didn\u2019t\u2026.What do you think?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut, nothing\u2026I told you about the prophecy. Obviously, I shouldn\u2019t have. But who could have foreseen what lengths you would go to when the light finally dimmed in that thing you call a brain that you loved her.\u201d Wesley ignored Angel\u2019s intake of unneeded breath.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Angel, the Pylean prophecy called for the champion to \u2018comshuck\u2019 with the princess. Okay, we all know what that means. Cordelia knew, but she didn\u2019t do it, she still hasn\u2019t and not because she wasn\u2019t attracted to Groo. Or at least she was at first\u2026anyway, Cordelia doesn\u2019t want to \u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cCordy isn\u2019t still attracted to Groo. I couldn\u2019t tell.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Wesley jaw dropped and gapped at the vampire. \u201cYou\u2026.you\u2026.OH my god\u2026you didn\u2019t do this to save Cordelia, you just did it because you didn\u2019t want Groo to. You were jealous. You gave up\u2026\u2026\u2026Oh, you fool.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Angel\u2019s grip tightened as he tried to keep the steering wheel straight.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI..\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhen is the last time that you have been able to finish a sentence or a thought. Damn\u2019t Angel. Jealously? There was nothing to be jealous about. Cordelia doesn\u2019t love Groosalugg, she loves you, and you love her. Why couldn\u2019t you have figured that out before the side trip to Sunnydale? Believe me, she would have been happier, we all would have been happier and just maybe, just maybe together we could have figured out how to get rid of the death sentence that the visions are giving her and hell, maybe we could\u2019ve made Groo disappear as well.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHappier? Cordelia loves me?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cStop the car.\u201d Wesley ordered.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cUh, why?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBecause, when I stake you I want to behind the steering wheel.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Angel didn\u2019t stop the car but he stared hard at his friend. \u201cYou think that Cordelia loves me.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Wesley closed his eyes and wondered how he wandered into a teenage melodrama, where ghosts, demons, and Armageddon played a repeating part.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes, I believe that Cordelia has strong feelings for you, ones that could be described as love or at least she did,\u201d he added.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDid?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, lets see. Ignoring the part of your history that includes\u2026\u201d Wesley cringed. \u201cBedding Darla. We can go on to the part where you repeatedly expressed your love for Buffy, not Cordelia\u2026I mention Cordelia, just in case you fail to see the problem with those declarations. Then of course, there was the fact that you left her, Cordelia, in case you don\u2019t remember, without saying goodbye, sorry, or anything. And, too make matters more \u2026worse, unbearable, wrong\u2026you did it when you were human. A state that could of well, gee, I don\u2019t know, worked well for both you and Cordelia. Oh\u2026should I even mention the times that Angelus has berated, threatened, just been plain \u2018not nice\u2019 to her. What was the question, again? Why, maybe Cordelia has lost those lovin\u2019 feelings for you? Gee, I just don\u2019t know\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThere is no reason to be sarcastic. It doesn\u2019t suit you.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Wesley shot Angel an evil look.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cCordelia’s mad, isn’t she?”<\/span><\/p>\n

Wesley didn\u2019t know whether to cry or just stake Angel. He took a deep breath. \u201cAngel, just what were you planning to do to save Cordelia?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2026well..I\u2026thought..well\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cComplete thoughts and sentences, gone with the rest of your brain, thought so,\u201d Wesley mumbled. \u201cAngel, the prophecy, the PLYEAN prophecy, not the universal prophecy called for \u2018the Princess\u2019 to comshuck with the \u201cChampion\u201d. Maybe, MAYBE the prophecy will work here in this dimension, maybe that\u2019s why Groo, the \u2018champion\u2019 was summoned. You, demon or not, were not- are not the champion of Pylea.<\/span><\/p>\n

And even if we were to assume that the prophecy will work here, that being a demon and the \u2018warrior\u2019 for the seer\/princess is enough, and that you can still be considered her \u2018warrior\u2019 – Cordelia has to be willing. She hasn\u2019t been so far and isn\u2019t just because Groo is a buffoon. She doesn\u2019t want to lose the visions, even when you left her, she didn\u2019t. Cordelia believes in her role as a seer or she did. Understandably, she may be getting a little tired of her so-called calling. But regardless, even if she was willing to rid herself of the visions, do you honestly think she would eradicate them by having sex with you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAngel, we are talking about Cordelia. Cordelia. Think about who she is. Do you think that she would ever have sex with you, knowing what you\u2019ve done? She won\u2019t. She will hate your presumption that she would, she will feel guilty about why you gave up your humanity and more damming, is that her guilt would be coupled with anger that you gave up your humanity for any reason. She will be livid and it wouldn\u2019t surprise me if she didn\u2019t have sex with Groo just to try to get out of the situation that you created.<\/span><\/p>\n

And what were you going to do about Angelus\u201d Wesley went on, ignoring Angel\u2019s attempt at an answer. \u201c Sex, Angel, Intimacy, those are his awakening calls. Just because you managed to keep your soul with Darla, doesn\u2019t exactly fill me with confidence that we would be as fortunate if you were intimate with Cordelia.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2026there it is again\u2026..your inability to complete a thought or phrase. Very tiring, very telling.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI did think. I had the spell.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Spike did and what wonders he accomplished with it. And so what, all that the spell did was grant you your soul, \u2018happy clause\u2019 included\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2026later..after\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d Wesley jerked around in the passenger seat. \u201cAnd who was supposed to perform it. Not you. Or did you expect Cordelia to, after she chained you up as some sort of foreplay. Or, god forbid, did you expect Gunn and I to stand by and watch.\u00a0Angel you did not think this through at all did you?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2026.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, you didn\u2019t. You just decided that you had to be the one to save Cordelia. A noble, worthwhile sentiment to be sure. But an impractical, dangerous and foolish one, as well. We are just fortunate, especially Cordelia that Angelus wasn\u2019t able to do more than taunt and smirk.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Fear, dread, and rage traveled over the vampire\u2019s body. Wesley was right; he hadn\u2019t thought his idea through, not completely. He had just concentrated on the need to be a demon again. Angel had just took for granted that Cordelia would allow for it to happen that she would be willing to \u2018com-shuck\u2019 with him, if not Groo.<\/span><\/p>\n

Angel had been so anxious to save Cordelia and believed that his was the only way; he failed to consider the possibility that Cordelia wouldn\u2019t just go along with his plan. Angel had forgotten to consider Cordelia\u2019s personality into the equation. She would be mad. She was mad.<\/span><\/p>\n

No, he thought, as his foot pushed harder on the accelerator, his grip tight around the steering wheel, keeping the car straight, he had been right. The implementation had been sloppy and misguided, but the idea was sound. Angel would protect Cordelia and would save her.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes, everything you said is true, but also wrong.\u201d Angel said lowly.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAngel..\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, now you listen. I..\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Wesley started to interject.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I have a complete thought. You just may not want to hear it.\u201d Angel said even lower, a growl tinged his voice.<\/span><\/p>\n

Wesley paused. He looked at his friend. But it was no longer the befuddled friend that Wesley could yell at and berate, but a vampire; a vampire with a purpose. Angel was not Angelus but he was the vampire whose strength, force of will and dichotomy still on occasion made Wesley very nervous.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI am back, I am not human, I might not even be a warrior for the Powers anymore, I know this. I may never reach the whole \u2018shansu\u2019 again. I could have very well lost my future as a human. But, the realization, the Epiphany, if you will, that I had- put it all in perspective. You see, what I am now can possibly save Cordelia or if that is not possible, I can at least protect her. I will not leave her. And as long as she is a tool of the Powers, then I need what being a vampire can give me\u2026.to protect her.<\/span><\/p>\n

It became clear when I had to fight the vampires in Sunnydale. I couldn\u2019t protect Cordelia as a human, not if she remained the seer and faced such danger everyday. And I couldn\u2019t leave it to you and Gunn and surely not to that walking talking Neanderthal. I have my soul, for what its worth, but that doesn\u2019t\u2019 change the fact, that if you or anyone else keeps me from Cordelia, I will kill them.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Wesley stared at Angel\u2019s matter of fact tone. No growl, no doubts, just the honest truth. \u201cAnd if that person is Cordelia? If she tells you to leave her alone, to get out of her life?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThen I will go, but I won\u2019t leave her. I will watch, wait, and protect her.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ll stalk her, is what you mean.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI won\u2019t bother her, but I won\u2019t leave her.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Wesley stared, then turned away. \u201cI only ask that before you make any other ‘decisions’ that will affect all of us, we stop by Caritas.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

PART THREE<\/a><\/b><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Chapter thirty-three \u201cWesley.\u201d \u201cNot now, Angel.\u201d Wesley said tersely as he broke the last lock binding the vampire. \u201cWes..\u201d \u201cNo, Angel..\u201d Wesley said…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7058","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-completed-fics"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7058","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7058"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7058\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13522,"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7058\/revisions\/13522"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7058"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7058"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7058"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}