{"id":7030,"date":"2015-08-01T21:42:59","date_gmt":"2015-08-01T20:42:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/?p=7030"},"modified":"2024-11-11T19:21:45","modified_gmt":"2024-11-11T19:21:45","slug":"to-be-alive-or-to-live-p1-1-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/goteamfiction.com\/index.php\/2015\/08\/01\/to-be-alive-or-to-live-p1-1-3\/","title":{"rendered":"To be Alive or to Live. P1.1-3"},"content":{"rendered":"

Title: To be Alive or to Live<\/b><\/span>
\nAuthor: <\/b>Only Anne<\/strong><\/a><\/span>
\nPosted here: <\/b><\/span>
\nEmail<\/b><\/a><\/span>
\nRating: <\/b>R<\/span>
\nCategory: <\/b>Angst<\/span>
\nContent: <\/b>Yes, it\u2019s C\/A, eventually.<\/span>
\nSummary: <\/b><\/span>
\nSpoilers: <\/b>the seasons ( Btvs & Ats) to end<\/span>
\nDisclaimer: <\/b>The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made. The song- Macy Gray- \u2018I Try\u2019. Again not mine, just in case anybody was wondering.<\/span>
\nDistribution: <\/b><\/span>
\nNotes: <\/b>have patience and work with me, okay?<\/span>
\nThanks\/Dedication:<\/b>To Keira<\/b>, you have gone above and beyond\u2026..in maintaining my urge to write.<\/span>
\nFeedback:<\/b>You have to know by now, I love it. If you don\u2019t know- well, I do\u2026\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

PART ONE- The Realization<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

Prologue<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

The sound of an unfamiliar human heartbeat woke Angel up. Angel concentrated on listening.<\/span><\/p>\n

He heard nothing but the sound of the heart thumping. He scanned the dark room, trying to see the intruder. He narrowed his eyes; he couldn\u2019t make out any of the shapes in the room. Angel couldn\u2019t see into the darkness, the sound of the beating became rapid.<\/span><\/p>\n

Angel closed his eyes and concentrated again.<\/span><\/p>\n

He was wrong, it wasn\u2019t a sound of a human heart, it was the feeling of a human heart, beating against his chest walls. Slowly in shock, fear and a burgeoning of hope, he laid his hand on his chest.<\/span><\/p>\n

The thumping beat resounded against his palm. In awe, Angel brought his other hand to his solar plexus. The limb rose and fell in time which each breath that flowed in and out of his body. Angel stopped breathing, he felt his lungs and head were about to explode.<\/span><\/p>\n

He needed air. He was alive. He was human.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Chapter one <\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

Cordelia groaned. Loud, repetitive knocking woke her up. \u201cI\u2019M COMING! Hold on to your water, jeez.\u201d Cordelia shouted from her bedroom.<\/span><\/p>\n

She groaned again as she looked at the glowing numbers of her clock. 6am, the birds weren\u2019t even chirping. Except that really annoying one that couldn\u2019t seem to stay away from her window.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJeez, shut up will you,\u201d she grumbled to the little bird sitting on her window still. \u201cYou\u2019re way too chipper,\u201d Cordelia scowled. The bird chirped merrily back at her.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh,\u201d She hissed. Cordelia wished; she had it in her to show that bird a thing or two, like a broom or the neighbor\u2019s hungry cat.<\/span><\/p>\n

Cordelia winced as the knocking became louder. Cordelia growled. 6am, she had only been asleep for 3 hours and had been up for 48 hrs. 48 hours of nail biting, head hurting, and back aching fighting. But finally, Angel and team had saved the world again.<\/span><\/p>\n

And now she was exhausted. Cordelia was going to kill whoever was at her door.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cStop banging,\u201d she yelled again. \u201cI\u2019m coming.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cCordelia, hurry up,\u201d Angel yelled.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAngel?\u201d She looked again at her clock, then out the window. Dawn was about to break. \u201cDennis, let him in,\u201d Cordelia yelled, scrambling to her feet.<\/span><\/p>\n

Something must be wrong. \u201cStupid ghost, you know to always let Angel in.\u201d she scolded.<\/span><\/p>\n

Her bedroom door slammed shut, locking Cordelia inside. \u201cDennis,\u201d she yelled.<\/span><\/p>\n

The words \u2018Not Angel\u2019 appeared on her mirror. \u201cUh,\u201d Cordelia exclaimed.<\/span><\/p>\n

It was Angel\u2019s voice, she heard. \u201cDennis, open this door right now. It’s Angel.\u201d Cordelia yanked at the door, glancing anxiously at the appearing glow over horizon. Angel could stay in her hallway, for awhile, but soon the sun\u2019s emerging rays would come through the hall window.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDENNIS!\u201d she angrily shouted.<\/span><\/p>\n

‘No, Not Right.’ Appeared on her mirror.<\/span><\/p>\n

Cordelia stopped her pulling. \u201cNot Angel?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

She listened. It was Angel\u2019s voice. But if it wasn\u2019t Angel, then\u2026\u2026OH, God, she thought her mind racing. Angelus\u2026.<\/span><\/p>\n

OH shit! Cordelia tried to calm her panic. It couldn\u2019t be. There was no way Angel had any joy in the last 48 hours. He had been fighting for his un-life, theirs and the world.<\/span><\/p>\n

Impossible. But, Cordelia glanced again at Dennis\u2019 words. She took a deep breath and recited the uninvite spell, just in case.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, Dennis,\u201d she ordered.<\/span><\/p>\n

The door opened. Cordelia picked up a stake and holy water squirt gun along the way to the front door.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cCordy, open up,\u201d Angel\u2019s voiced begged excitedly.<\/span><\/p>\n

Okay, that didn\u2019t sound like Angel. Cordelia tentatively cracked open the front door. \u201cAngel?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cCordelia,\u201d Angel exclaimed happily, pushing the door wider. He practically skipped through the threshold. Angel scooped up Cordelia in his arms and swung her around.<\/span><\/p>\n

Stunned, Cordelia dropped her weapons. Angel quickly put her down. \u201cCome on,\u201d he cried, pulling her out the door.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAngel?\u201d Cordelia questioned. Okay, that sure wasn\u2019t Angelus, but who in the hell was it? It was not her broody best friend. And why was he dragging her outside. Really, outside, she thought as Angel pulled her out to the front of the apartment complex.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAngel? Sun,\u201d she cried tugging on the vampire to go back inside.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSh, Cordy, just wait and watch,\u201d Angel said. His eyes glued to the horizon.<\/span><\/p>\n

Cordelia yanked harder. \u201cAngel, I don\u2019t know what\u2019s going on, but please let\u2019s go inside. I don\u2019t want to be dustbusting you up in the grass. Please.\u201d She begged.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWatch,\u201d Angel replied, drawing her to his side.<\/span><\/p>\n

Cordelia eyes widened, her frantic gaze switching back and forth from the rising sun and her best friend. Her eyes stayed on Angel as the sun became fixed in the sky. She watched as the vampire\u2019s face was swallowed up by the most beautiful smile she had ever seen.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIsn\u2019t it beautiful,\u201d Angel asked in awe.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d Cordelia whispered. Then she shook her head. Angel was talking about the sunrise. He was standing in the sun talking about the sunrise, the sunrise, her mind kept repeating.<\/span><\/p>\n

Cordelia scrunched up her face trying to wrap her mind around that concept. Sunrise, vamp dust, not dust, no fire, no smoke, not possible\u2026\u2026unless.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAngel?\u201d Cordelia whispered; afraid of the joy that was embracing her being.<\/span><\/p>\n

Angel turned to the beautiful girl and nodded. He grabbed her hand and placed it on his chest. Cordelia jerked her hand away as she felt the pounding. Her eye\u2019s widened further as she slowly placed her hand back to his chest; a smile matching Angel\u2019s in awe and beauty transformed her face.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re alive,\u201d Cordelia whispered, her eyes welling up with moisture.<\/span><\/p>\n

Angel nodded again, his grin getting even wider, if that was possible. He started to laugh. It was contagious, Cordelia started to giggle; then her body began to shake with the joy of it all. Angel grabbed up the young woman and spun her around. Cordelia\u2019s head was thrown back, her laughter and tears flowing.<\/span><\/p>\n

Angel suddenly stopped. Cordelia had to clutch onto his shoulders to maintain her balance. Cordelia\u2019s laugher died as she saw the intensity of Angel\u2019s gaze. His warm eyes bore into her\u2019s. Her body automatically moved closer. Angel\u2019s eye\u2019s centered on Cordelia\u2019s bottom lip as he dipped his head.<\/span><\/p>\n

Cordelia\u2019s head jerked up as Angel\u2019s stomach let out a grumbled growl. \u201cYou’re alive and hungry,\u201d she laughed again planting a quick kiss on his cheek, camouflaging her nervousness at what would could have turned into a real kiss. \u201cCome on Pinocchio, breakfast,\u201d Cordelia said happily, pulling at his arm.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cCordy,\u201d Angel said, looking back up at the sun. The near kiss forgotten as the sun shined bright in the sky.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, soon to be king of the sun worshipers, you stay, I\u2019ll go make you something to eat.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Angel turned to the young woman, his eyebrows reaching the top of his forehead. One miracle already happened that day, he couldn\u2019t imagine that another one in the form of Cordelia suddenly being able to cook would also happen.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cUm, I don\u2019t know,\u201d Angel said as his stomach let out another howl.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJeez, I can cook. But, if it makes you feel better, you cook, while I tear down the curtains in my apartment.\u201d Cordelia offered.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDeal.\u201d They both ran laughing back into Cordelia\u2019s apartment.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Chapter two <\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDennis, let us in. You know it\u2019s me.\u201d Cordelia shouted through the door. \u201cDennis,\u201d she said slowly, her voice becoming menacing.<\/span><\/p>\n

The front door slowly opened.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThanks.\u201d She grunted. \u201cDennis, This is Angel, he\u2019s just not a \u2018grr\u2019 guy. He has been ceremoniously kicked out of the walking un-dead club.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

With a whoosh of air, the bedroom door slammed shut.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI think Dennis may be a tiny bit jealous.\u201d Cordelia shrugged at Angel.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t blame him,\u201d Angel responded, his smile still firmly planted on his face.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah,\u201d Cordelia met his smile. \u201cFood, human guy.\u201d She directed him to the kitchen as she ran up to the living room window and yanked down the heavy curtains. \u201cYou won\u2019t miss a ray, now go cook,\u201d she laughed.<\/span><\/p>\n

Angel returned her laugh and went into the kitchen.<\/span><\/p>\n

Angel opened the refrigerator door. As usual, Cordelia didn\u2019t have much in the way of ingredients. But she did have some eggs and vegetables. Omelets again, just like normal, except this time he could join his best friend in her breakfast.<\/span><\/p>\n

Wow. Angel\u2019s hand brushed up against a carton of blood. He stared, pulling it out of the refrigerator. He turned it around in his hand, watching the thick darkish red liquid splash up against the plastic. Angel took off the lid; he raised the opened container to his face.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAngel?\u201d Cordelia questioned as she came into the kitchen.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNothing.\u201d Angel responded. \u201cIt does nothing for me. I don\u2019t want it. Actually, it\u2019s kind of gross.\u201d Angel laughed pouring the blood in the sink. Cordelia ran to the basin. She and Angel stood side by side and watched the reddish substance circle then slip down the drain. Angel\u2019s stomach growled again.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, but you want something.\u201d She giggled. Cordelia pulled up a kitchen chair and climbed up to her top cupboard. \u201cWhat I\u2019m about to show you is a secret, you must swear not to tell Gunn or Wesley,\u201d she said seriously to Angel.<\/span><\/p>\n

Puzzled Angel nodded.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI mean it, not a word.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI won\u2019t,\u201d Angel met her hard stare.<\/span><\/p>\n

Cordelia scrunched up her face and slowly nodded. She reached into the back of the cabinet and reverently pulled out a box of girl-scout cookies. \u201cTag-a-longs, the food of gods, Wesley and Gunn must never know, promise,\u201d she clutched the box protectively to her chest.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI promise,\u201d Angel said in exasperation. All this for a cookie?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNot, just a cookie,\u201d Cordelia defended at Angel\u2019s look. \u201cBut a peanut butter and chocolate piece of heaven. Here taste,\u201d she said pushing it up to Angel\u2019s mouth. \u201cTell me that just doesn\u2019t make you want to cry.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Angel fingered the cookie and took it tentatively up to his mouth. He took a small bite. Angel\u2019s eye\u2019s widened as the chocolate and peanut butter skimmed over his revitalized taste buds. He popped the rest of the cookie in his mouth, chewing and making moaning sounds.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI told you,\u201d Cordelia said knowingly.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMore,\u201d Angel demanded.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOkay,\u201d Cordelia said. The light in her eyes belied her begrudging tone. \u201cOne more, then you cook.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Angel nodded, accepting her terms. He took a deep breath of pleasure as the cookie melted and crunched in his mouth. He automatically, reached for another one.<\/span><\/p>\n

Cordelia swung the box behind her back. \u201cCook, I want eggs. After, you can have more,\u201d she blackmailed. Cordelia laughed at what should have been a growl turned into a snort in Angel\u2019s mouth.<\/span><\/p>\n

Angel grumbled and pulled out the necessary pans. Cordelia turned back to her cabinets. Angel liked Tag-a-longs, then he should love straight peanut butter. She searched her cabinets. Damn\u2019t she thought, Gunn and Wesley cleaned her out again. Thank god she hid her cookies.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWesley,\u201d she shouted. \u201cDoes Wesley know?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I just found out and I wanted to tell you first.\u201d Angel said his back to her.<\/span><\/p>\n

Cordelia bit her lip, her eyes tearing again. Angel wanted her to be the first to hear his wonderful news. She smiled.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI should call him,\u201d Angel said.<\/span><\/p>\n

A brief flash of disappointment crossed over Cordelia\u2019s face. She wanted this to be their moment. Her eyes widened. Their moment? The miracle of Angel\u2019s shansu happened, nobody mentioned the miracle of him loving her.<\/span><\/p>\n

She shook her head. \u201cI\u2019ll call him. And make him bring\u2026\u2026doughnuts. How about that?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Angel turned. \u201cI can eat doughnuts.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, and now you can actually like them.\u201d She laughed.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Chapter three <\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

Wesley narrowed his eyes at the bright glare of the morning sun beaming in the windows.<\/span><\/p>\n

Cordelia, Angel,\u201d he called puzzled by the show of light. The sound of Cordelia\u2019s giggles led him to the kitchen.<\/span><\/p>\n

He stopped, stunned at the picture before him. Angel was sitting at the table alternating shoving eggs and cookies in his mouth. Cordelia was trying not to laugh out loud but small little snorts kept escaping her lips.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cStop, you\u2019re being a pig. Stop, Angel, you can get fat now. And eww, to that,\u201d she laughed as Angel\u2019s eyes shot up.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t care,\u201d he mumbled after a moment of thought, his mouth still filled with food.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGross,\u201d Cordelia moaned.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cCordelia, Angel,\u201d Wesley called.<\/span><\/p>\n

Both Angel and Cordelia jumped.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh, Wesley, we didn\u2019t hear you come in. I guess Dennis is back to doing his proper doorman duties.\u201d Cordelia said getting up.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cCordelia, Angel?\u201d Wesley said again, pointing to the food Angel was stuffing in his mouth.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh good, you brought the doughnuts. Angel, doughnuts,\u201d Cordelia took the box from the still motionless Wesley.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGimme me,\u201d Angel choked.<\/span><\/p>\n

Cordelia rolled her eyes. \u201cHere, Chocolate or jelly?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBoth,\u201d he said swallowing and grabbing for the box.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPig.\u201d Cordelia giggled.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cCordelia,\u201d Wesley squeaked.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s hungry. I guess that\u2019s what shanshuing will do to you, uh,\u201d she said matter of factly, she turned to Wesley, a big bright smile was on her face.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cShan\u2026..Oh my god, Angel\u2026..the prophecy\u2026..the scroll\u2026\u2026..You\u2019re human,\u201d Wesley stuttered.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cuhuh,\u201d Angel put another doughnut in his mouth.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh my god,\u201d Wesley repeated. His eyes grew round as he watched Angel plunk another pastry in his mouth. \u201cHow much as he eaten?\u201d He said under his breath to Cordelia.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cEnough to make him sick for a week,\u201d Cordelia giggled.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cShouldn\u2019t we stop him?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou thought Angelus was mean, you try taking food away from the human version\u2026.vicious.\u201d she wrinkled her nose.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHmmm\u2026..Cordelia how did this happen?\u201d Wesley was still whispering.<\/span><\/p>\n

Cordelia shrugged. \u201cHe just came over, banged on my door, and dragged me out to watch the sunrise. Angel watched the sunrise, Wesley,\u201d she said in happy wonderment.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMarvelous.\u201d Wesley was silent for a moment. \u201cThat last battle, that must have been it. Angel saved the world and the Powers finally rewarded him.\u201d He nodded in awe. \u201cIt\u2019s over.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOver, what\u2019s over?\u201d Cordelia asked.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThe fight\u2026.the quest\u2026..Angel\u2019s redemption. It\u2019s over, he is human.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut\u2026..\u201d a sense of unease crept up Cordelia\u2019s spine.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t expect that the Powers will use him as a warrior for their fight anymore, do you?..Angel has done his time, he has gotten his gold watch so to speak. It\u2019s wonderful. He deserves it. It\u2019s time for him to really start living.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOf course,\u201d Cordelia agreed adamantly, driving her unease down. \u201cA party, we need a party. Angel, stop eating! you will make yourself sick,\u201d she called to the preoccupied now human. \u201cYou don\u2019t want to miss your party, do you?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cParty?\u201d Angel glanced up from the box of tag-a-longs.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOf course, pop the champagne, yell the good news from the rooftops, tell everyone. First, Wesley call Gunn and, jeez, we better call Lorne, Fred, too and\u2026\u2026.<\/span><\/p>\n

Angel dropped the cookie he was holding. \u201cCall, Buffy, no, I have to go tell her,\u201d he said getting up.<\/span><\/p>\n

Chapter 4<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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