Chapter 46<\/b><\/p>\n
Two days later<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cDid Crystal go?\u201d Willow asked.<\/p>\n
Fred nodded. \u201cShe wanted to go home, now that Drakkus\u2026.or rather Glistera was evil free.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought her family was already dead?\u201d Xander asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe still had friends there and well\u2026she told me that Cordy sacrificed herself to purge the dimensions of all of the Drakkus, she wanted everyone to know the story.\u201d Fred paused. \u201cHow\u2019s Buffy?\u201d Fred teetered on the edge of the chair.<\/p>\n
Willow sighed. \u201cNot good, she won\u2019t leave her room. Dawn\u2019s with her and Spike of all people. She blames herself.\u201d<\/p>\n
Fred nodded. \u201cShe\u2019s not the only one. Wesley\u2019s disappeared again without saying a word.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI wish I could hate Cordelia for doing this.\u201d<\/p>\n
Fred jerked her head up at the red head\u2019s words then slowly nodded, realizing that she felt the same way. \u201cShe should\u2019ve told us.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe did, repeatedly; we just wouldn\u2019t listen,\u201d Lorne corrected gently.<\/p>\n
\u201cHas he gone?\u201d Fred looked up at the green demon.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, wouldn\u2019t change his every loving stubborn mind or let anyone go with him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you think that was a good idea?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe has Connor. He just said they were going home, but wanted to be alone for a while. We should leave soon though, I don\u2019t think it\u2019s a good idea for us to leave him for too long.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAs soon as the service is over.\u201d Fred covered her face in her hands, her resolve finally breaking into sobs. \u201cI don\u2019t want to do this again.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHey, girl,\u201d Gunn placed a comforting arm around his crying girlfriend.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe talked to Buffy.\u201d Xander said from the couch. \u201cDidn\u2019t want him to after his reaction in the cave, but she wanted it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd?\u201d Gunn and Lorne said. Fred looked up questioningly, wiping the tears from her eyes.<\/p>\n
Xander shrugged. \u201cHe just stood at the doorway and said he didn\u2019t blame her and then left. Insensitive, if you ask me and too little. Didn\u2019t even apologize. Buffy is hurting.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd, he\u2019s not?<\/i>\u201d Fred argued in a harsh whisper.<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course he is,\u201d Willow said. \u201cEveryone is.\u201d Willow sighed.<\/p>\n
\u201cXander, it was enough and actually more than expected considering only two days ago, he almost killed her. If it hadn\u2019t been for Spike, he just might have. Buffy was in no condition to fight him. No. It was enough. His coming here was an apology and he gave Buffy something that she needed. Buffy couldn\u2019t deal with this is if she thought that Angel blamed her. Now, she will be able to in time. Speaking of which\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
The somber group got up as one.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs Buffy coming?\u201d Fred asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2026.\u201d Willow started, not quite knowing the answer.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d Buffy came down the stairs, Dawn and Spike close behind. The slayer\u2019s beautiful face was worn and tired. \u201cI killed her, I can bury her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBuffy,\u201d Willow started to go up to meet Buffy on the steps. \u201cYou didn’t\u2026.she\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid what she had to using me to do it. Talk about getting the last word in. God, she was such a bitch.\u201d<\/p>\n
Fred started to object and then fell silent as she recognized the sorrow and admiration in the slayer\u2019s voice negating any bitterness of the words.<\/p>\n
They left the house as one, substantially the same group that laid Cordelia to rest a year ago, but painfully absent those that loved her most.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Wesley stood at the front of the Hyperion hesitant to go in. But, if he learned nothing through all of this he learned that he needed his family. And that meant facing the vampire.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel,\u201d pausing at the doorway of the suite.<\/p>\n
The vampire looked up from Connor\u2019s crib. \u201cHe won\u2019t believe it. I\u2019ve told him, but he keeps asking for her. I can\u2019t do this again.\u201d<\/p>\n
Wesley hurried in the room, standing close to the vampire. \u201cYes you can, we all can.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel\u2019s gaze darkened at the words.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, don\u2019t do this to her. She loved all of us, she wanted us to remain a family.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA family,\u201d Angel chuckled bitterly. \u201cHow do you have a family without its heart? I couldn\u2019t figure it out before. I can\u2019t do it now. You tell me how.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy left it in all of us, we just have to remember, cherish and use it, like she would\u2019ve wanted us to.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel lifted his eyes back up to Wesley. \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLeave us.\u201d<\/p>\n
Wesley turned wondering how he was going to handle the loss of Cordy and all of his family again.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, Wes,\u201d<\/p>\n
The former watcher swung around quickly.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s nothing here, can you go get some food and more formula for Connor? Gunn, Fred and Lorne will be home soon and you all will need some and I haven\u2019t\u2026,” his words trailing off as he shrugged hopelessly.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll take care of it.\u201d Wesley assured the vampire.<\/p>\n
\u201cThanks.\u201d Angel turned back to his son.<\/p>\n
Wesley left the room, not happy, that was impossible right now, but a bit less sad.<\/p>\n
Chapter 47<\/b><\/p>\n
\u201cWell, what do you have to say for yourself?\u201d Skip scowled at the young woman.<\/p>\n
\u201cI tried.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou screwed up again. One little task as easy as a kiss and you screwed it up.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI saved the world\u2026.well with help.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI told you that you that you couldn\u2019t use your self- sacrifice as an excuse. I told you that.\u201d Skip waved his forefinger in Cordelia\u2019s face. \u201cTsk, tsk, this time you knew the rules.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCrystal was pushed back before I had a chance to,\u201d Cordelia said for the umpteenth time, pacing the small confines of the glass room.<\/p>\n
\u201cDamn\u2019t just give Angel another seer. Transferring MY visions can\u2019t be the only way. I refuse to believe that EVERY seer in history had a convenient replacement close and waiting. That\u2019s just stupid and way too much relying on the whole ‘luck’ thing. \u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s the preferred method.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, it didn\u2019t happen, so the Powers just need to find a non-preferred method if they want Angel to have another seer.\u201d Cordelia glared.<\/p>\n
Skip shrugged. \u201cThey have decided on one.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGreat.\u201d Cordelia\u2019s shoulders slumped. \u201cGood, does this mean that I can go to heaven now that I\u2019ve been scolded or do I go to hell for my screw up.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNeither, you\u2019re going back.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWHAT?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe warrior needs a seer.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen give him one, but I AM not going back only to die again, I\u2019m not. I will not put myself or my family through that again. I won\u2019t.\u201d Cordelia glared crossing her arms.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t really have a choice.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course I do. Send me back and I won\u2019t step a foot near Angel or Connor, I won\u2019t. Screw the visions, they can die with me again.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you really think the Powers, not even going with the fate card here, would let you get away with that? \u201c<\/p>\n
\u201cFate card?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSure, it may have been your actions and choices that lead Doyle to be able to give you the visions, and it maybe have been your choice to become part demon to keep them, but it was FATE, honey, that put you in Angel\u2019s path at that first party.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA screwed up of fate, you said.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, it\u2019s just that the whole outcome of it the Powers couldn\u2019t understand. They labeled it a mistake at first because they couldn\u2019t get a grasp on the whole emotion factor. You know the kind of denying of what you can\u2019t understand thing. The Powers are pretty infallible, but not completely, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, I don\u2019t know.\u201d Cordelia slumped. \u201cI\u2019m not going back that\u2019s my choice, deal with it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, you are, no choice there and really could you ignore the visions?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia closed her eyes. \u201cFine, but under one condition you place me right in front of Crystal and a speeding bus, nowhere near Angel or my family. I\u2019ll kiss her and jump in front of it, okay. That should work. She could go then and be Angel\u2019s seer. They never need to know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCrystal\u2019s no longer a viable replacement, she went back home after the Drakkus were destroyed.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe did?\u201d Cordelia gave a soft smile. \u201cI\u2019m glad, she seemed so sad when she talked about her friends and her home dying.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe did, so that leaves us without another replacement.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen why do you want me to go back, – Wait- You want me to act as Angel\u2019s seer, knowing that I\u2019m going to die as soon as a \u2018viable\u2019 one shows up. I\u2019m not doing it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, you are.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, I\u2019m not. I won\u2019t go back temporarily again, I won\u2019t. It was too hard on everyone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEverybody on earth is temporary, Cordelia, some just more temporary or more permanent than others.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve done my temporary bit.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you’re not done yet.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSkip, I can\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, you can.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia closed her eyes again. \u201cFor how long?\u201d<\/p>\n
Skip shrugged. \u201cHow would I know? That stuff isn\u2019t written down somewhere, or usually it isn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt was written down on the disc and you knew that it was coming.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat was a special circumstances. Unique.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWorld-ending prophecies aren\u2019t unique they’re all over the place in every dusty scroll you pick up.\u201d<\/p>\n
Skip nodded. \u201cI\u2019ll give you that one, but this is different, individual death time tables aren\u2019t usually calculated, too many unknown factors involved. So, don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you saying, exactly?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m saying exactly that you are being sent back and I don\u2019t have a notion about when you\u2019ll really die this time. Given your over eagerness of late for the martyr type behavior it could be sooner than later or maybe that speeding bus will pop up in your path, who knows.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m going back without knowing, what am I going to tell Angel? I can\u2019t do this. And I don’t have a martyr complex, Geez.”<\/p>\n
\u201cTell him that you\u2019re back, you don\u2019t know when you\u2019re going to die it could be tomorrow or the next day or the next or years from now, you don\u2019t know, just like everyone else. \u201c<\/p>\n
Cordelia stared. \u201cI\u2019m just going back?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYep, without strings.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy? There\u2019s got to be a catch, there always are with you people.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo catch. Well, except that it\u2019s expected that you will continue being Angel\u2019s seer, fighting for the powers as long as you can. Which could be a long time considering you\u2019re part Glisterian now.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cUh?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow old do you think Crystal was?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c18, 19.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot a bad guess in development years, horrible in real years. The Glisterians age differently than humans, takes a lot longer- you know for the toddler, pre- teen, teenage years, middle age, old age stuff than what you would consider normal. I don\u2019t know her exact birth date but I\u2019d guess she was about fifty human years. You, young lady, could very well stay a young lady for a while.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWith Angel?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAs his seer.\u201d Skip clarified.<\/p>\n
\u201cAgain, why? I screwed up.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTrue, but the warrior needs a seer and as of now you\u2019re the only compatible one and besides the Powers were quite impressed how you put the mission and the visions before yourself when you chose to keep them and how you went through the ritual regardless of your feelings for Angel.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey\u2019re impressed because I chose to save the world and not run away with Angel? That\u2019s stupid. The world was going to end, not much of a choice of where to run to. And I kept the visions because..\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShh,\u201d Skip raised a large finger to his lips. \u201cThey\u2019re still not real good with the \u2018love\u2019 thing. They think you sacrificed your humanity and then your life for the visions and the mission that your loyalty to Angel is spurred on by your sense of duty alone. Let them keep thinking that. Hey, it\u2019s getting you a second real chance and hell, we both know that you\u2019ll continue to fight for the Powers, let\u2019s just hope that if a real choice is needed that you will do it, like we can only assume that the warrior will have the same consideration.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re serious? I can go back for good?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you want to?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo strings?\u201d<\/p>\n
Skip shook his head.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow long as it been? Another year?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA month, this decision was quicker.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFine, but I got two conditions.\u201d Cordelia glared.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Cordelia sat on the side of the bed wondering how to do this without shocking the heebie jeebies out of the sleeping occupant. She wanted to do this right.<\/p>\n
The body stirred waking up.<\/p>\n
\u201cHi, Buffy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Chapter 48<\/b><\/p>\n
Cordelia stood outside the Hyperion. She waved and gave a soft smile to the blonde. Cordelia watched the car drive off. She thought maybe she did it right.<\/p>\n
Buffy was understandably shocked, but she hadn\u2019t been angry. In fact she seemed really happy to see her. Cordelia was just glad that she accepted her apology about the earlier deception. Cordelia knew she had to do it that way but Buffy could\u2019ve been bitter about setting her up.<\/p>\n
It was all kind of amazing, Buffy had hugged her and then shooed her out of the house, dragging her to the car and rushing her to LA, practically throwing her out on the street in front of the Hyperion.<\/p>\n
Cordelia grumbled pulling at her flowing annoyingly white garment. At least the other woman could\u2019ve found her something else to wear other than the idiotic white gown.<\/p>\n
Buffy had laughed at it, once her shock was gone. Jumping up and down on the bed calling Cordy a saint and pointing.<\/p>\n
Cordelia narrowed her eyes; maybe she didn\u2019t like the slayer. That was uncalled for, she would have to think about it, a smile came across her face again as Cordelia remembered between that laugher there were true tears, understanding and forgiveness.<\/p>\n
Okay, maybe, just maybe she could be a friend with the slayer. Maybe.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Cordelia frowned at the darkness of the empty lobby. Everybody could be on a case. Or maybe just asleep it was late.<\/p>\n
She decided to float just in case.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Cordelia paused again outside the suite. Her courage was leaving her. She couldn\u2019t just pop in and say \u2018Hi honey, I\u2019m home\u2019. Buffy had warned her that while Angel Investigations had been operating, Angel, himself had been more than just broody, he had been angry at Cordelia when he wasn\u2019t a despondent recluse.<\/p>\n
But, even so, the blonde thought it best that Cordelia go and see Angel immediately.<\/p>\n
Sure, Buffy could say that, she was halfway back to Sunnydale by now. Liking Buffy was getting harder and harder, the woman left her stranded in the middle of LA in an ugly white dress to face an angry vampire.<\/p>\n
Cordelia took a deep breath, remembering Buffy\u2019s final words \u2018He needs you, you came back for him, go\u2019.<\/p>\n
The young woman stood still, her feet still inches from the floor. The sight broke her heart. Angel, her beautiful vampire was scrunched uncomfortably in the chair next to Connor\u2019s crib, his body half leaning over the plastic bars, his arm dangling in the interior trying to keep contact.<\/p>\n
But the small boy wasn\u2019t having any part of it, or he wasn\u2019t when his large gorgeous eyes opened.<\/p>\n
\u201cMama.\u201d The boy squirmed from the hand keeping him down, moving to stand on wobbling legs.<\/p>\n
\u201cShh, honey, I\u2019m here, but let\u2019s not wake daddy just yet, okay?\u201d Cordelia floated closer.<\/p>\n
Connor\u2019s face lit up and soft giggles pursed from his lips as he watched his mother float closer.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou like this, uh, I\u2019ve gotten even better.\u201d Cordelia gently lifted the young child from the crib. \u201cWhy don\u2019t you ever sleep? Growing boys need their sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n
Connor happily tugged at her, sucking on her hair. \u201cHungry?\u201d Cordelia looked around, picking up an empty juice bottle. \u201cAll out are you, sweetie?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia glanced again at the sleeping vampire. \u201cHas daddy been eating? He doesn\u2019t look that good.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel didn\u2019t, even in sleep, his paleness seemed more pronounced, making his handsome face drawn and thin, and his hair didn\u2019t have a lick of gel in it falling in limp thick tuffs around his forehead.<\/p>\n
Cordelia could swear that he was wearing the same outfit that he was a month ago when she died only now it was loose, too loose.<\/p>\n
\u201cCome on, honey, let\u2019s go get you something to eat and while we\u2019re there we’ll get daddy a mug or a couple.\u201d Cordelia repeated shooting a worried look back at the vampire.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Angel was dreaming again. She was here in the room. Her scent filling everything, coating him.<\/p>\n
How was he ever supposed to move on, if there was no peace from her? Everywhere, this room, this hotel, the whole damn city reminded him every second of ever minute of what he lost, even Connor. The boy wouldn\u2019t give up, every day, every moment he would ask for his mama. It was even worse than before.<\/p>\n
Angel hated Cordelia at that moment. She knew what was going to happen but let Connor love her again. She let Angel love her, hold her, feel her heartbeat and breath warming his cold body, she told him that she loved him, then she left, not caring about those she left behind. Angel was trying very hard to blame her; otherwise the pain was too much.<\/p>\n
Connor? His hand felt nothing, his eyes shot open. In an increasing panic, Angel realized that his son was not in his crib.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Angel ran then paused on the steps to the lobby, not caring as Fred, and then Gunn ran from their room.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, what is it?\u201d Fred asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cMan, do we need weapons,\u201d Gunn looked around trying to figure out how the best way to get to the weapon\u2019s cabinet from there. They really should start keeping one on all the floors.<\/p>\n
Wesley and Lorne came out of their respective rooms.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s the Hubbub about?\u201d Lorne questioned, tugging his silk bright robe closer.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel? I heard a bang.\u201d Wesley said softly, wondering what could have triggered the vampire\u2019s renewal of destroying pieces of furniture. That had stopped in the last two weeks.<\/p>\n
Angel ignored all his friends and continued down the stairs not at all sure what he sensed or what he felt about it\u2019s meaning.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
The group followed Angel down the staircase not sure what to do about the silent vampire. They stopped, when he stopped and stared when he did.<\/p>\n
\u201c Ewwy, Honey, stop throwing the peas at Mommy, okay? \u201c<\/p>\n
Connor grabbed a handful of the little green vegetables and threw, giggling again.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou, my little sweetheart, are doing this on purpose. I get you now. \u201c<\/p>\n
\u201cMama,\u201d Connor shoved some peas in his mouth missing most of them.<\/p>\n
\u201cJust like your dad, pretending to drink my highly thought out deviations from his plain old blood. You don\u2019t fool me, little man. Ah, I know you and your father. Tacitly appeasing me just so I won\u2019t yell. It doesn\u2019t work for him, and it doesn\u2019t work for you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMama.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGet that cute little puppy dog look off your face, did Daddy actually teach you that or is it inherited like the broody brow.\u201d Cordelia lovingly moved to brush the little bit of hair off the laughing baby.<\/p>\n
Fred was the first to speak actually squeak. \u201cCordy?\u201d<\/p>\n
The brunette looked up. \u201cEek, caught, with peas on my face. Sorry, didn\u2019t mean to wake everyone,\u201d she glanced up at the gaping figures in front of her all in obvious night attire.<\/p>\n
All but Angel and he wasn’t gaping either. The vampire looked like he was about to yell and not in happy way.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy?\u201d Fred said again, stepping closer her voice raised in a hopeful pitch.<\/p>\n
Angel grabbed at the woman holding her back. \u201cGet Connor and go upstairs- to your room, do it,\u201d He growled at the woman\u2019s hesitation.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, it\u2019s\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo it.\u201d Angel growled again.<\/p>\n
Fred glanced nervously at the vampire, her boyfriend, then at Cordelia.<\/p>\n
Cordy stood, unhooking Connor from his baby chair, gently taking him out of the confines.<\/p>\n
\u201cMama?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGo, with Aunt Fred. I\u2019m here, I won\u2019t leave\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShut up.\u201d Angel growled.<\/p>\n
\u201cGoodnight, honey, I\u2019ll see you in the morning.\u201d Cordelia kissed the small boy on his head.<\/p>\n
Wesley moved. \u201cCordelia?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGo back to bed,\u201d Angel yelled.<\/p>\n
Fred tugged at Gunn, looking back at Cordelia, mouthing a question.<\/p>\n
Cordelia winked at the young woman as she mouthed her answer. A great smile overcame Fred as more questions threatened to burst from her lips. She looked back at Angel.<\/p>\n
Fred tugged again at Gunn, \u201cWe\u2019ll find out tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n
Gunn and Wesley looked at the young woman. \u201cIt\u2019s okay, I told you it would be, sure a little late, but I was right.\u201d Fred ran happily up the stairs Connor in her arms. \u201c Shh, Connor, you heard Mommy, she\u2019ll be here in the morning and I\u2019ve got it on good authority it\u2019s for good.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFred, what did you hear? Fred,\u201d Gunn and Wesley called running behind the young woman.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel,\u201d Lorne started.<\/p>\n
\u201cGo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAll right, but this is a happy time, I know what I read.\u201d Lorne sauntered up the staircase.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Cordelia turned from the vampire staring at her from way too far away. She pushed the buttons on the microwave and watched the numbers descend waiting.<\/p>\n
Cordelia had to admire the vampire\u2019s timing, he spoke right when the ringer rang. She opened the door getting out the blood.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, Angel I\u2019m not dead. Here. You are and are going to get even more so if you don\u2019t eat,” she shoved the mug towards the vampire, answering his growl at the same time.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTo the blood or me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy, they just can\u2019t keep throwing you back and taking you away again, they can\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia leaned up against the counter, her hand still holding the mug of blood. \u201cWill you please drink this, then I\u2019ll explain.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, don\u2019t you even want to hear it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel growled and drunk the mug in one swallow.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you, you start, otherwise I\u2019ll just be interrupted by growls and such.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow can you stand and ask that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAsk what? Nevermind, I think I understand. First question, uh? Okay, first answer, hope.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHope?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, hope. Hope that you will forgive me for lying to you. Hope that in the last month you haven\u2019t forgotten that you loved me. Just hope, Angel.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel stepped even further back. \u201cWhy are you back?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause, I screwed up again. I didn\u2019t give the visions to Crystal. I meant to but with all the fighting, Spike got her away to safety before I could do it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou knew.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf you\u2019re asking when I knew that Crystal was to be my replacement, you already know the answer to that, I told you. But, if you\u2019re asking when I knew the outcome- it was in the cave the second time, I had a vision. It told me what the ritual really meant.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou didn\u2019t \u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll take that beginning of a rambling angry statement as the next question. I didn\u2019t tell you or anyone because all of you were so gung ho that everything would be all right. You wouldn\u2019t listen. You would\u2019ve tried to prevent it. That\u2019s why I told you it would be better for you to go to the Drakkus with the disc, that\u2019s why I told Buffy to promise me to protect Crystal, because I knew you wouldn\u2019t -not if it came down to a choice, that\u2019s why she got Spike once she learned that she would be a part of the ritual, she was trying to keep her promise to both of us.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou let me love you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia blinked, tears finally appearing. \u201cI\u2026\u201d she took a deep breath and stared at the vampire. \u201cI thought I was sorry for that but I\u2019m not. Not even for the pain I caused you, I\u2019m not sorry. I\u2026I was going to die, I did. But, I knew when I did that you loved me, I felt you, without you I wouldn\u2019t know what to expect. Buffy said that heaven was like when her mother held her when she was a child. The feeling of being safe, loved and protected. I didn\u2019t have that until we were together, I held on to it, knowing that it would be okay, because, yes, selfishly at that point, I wanted to find some solace in the fact that I was going to die again.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBuffy? What does she have to do with this?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing, everything. She gave you a home when you needed one, she gave me the knowledge that heaven wasn\u2019t scary, she was the catalyst to the ritual, and she gave me her forgiveness for using her as that catalyst. She had no idea. I couldn\u2019t imagine what she felt afterwards, so I made Skip take me there first. I wanted to explain to her, say I\u2019m sorry again.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou went to Buffy first?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordy shook her head. \u201cI had to- a phone call wouldn\u2019t do and I was hoping that once I came home that you wouldn\u2019t want to leave anytime soon for a road trip. There\u2019s that hope thing again rearing its hopeful head.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can\u2019t. I can\u2019t let you lie to me and Connor, knowing that it\u2019s only temporary, trying to hope for something that won\u2019t happen. You here because, you said it, to be my seer until another \u2018Crystal\u2019s shows up, then you will be gone again. I can\u2019t, I won\u2019t do it again.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s what I told Skip. But this is what he told me, I quote\u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cTell him that you\u2019re back, you don\u2019t know when you\u2019re going to die it could be tomorrow or the next day or the next or years from now, you don\u2019t know, just like everyone else.” Cordelia shrugged.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m back. I don\u2019t know whether you can believe me, but I am back, second chance and all of it. Stupid reasoning on the Powers part, but it works for me. But if you can\u2019t believe me, okay. But, know this I AM your seer for as long as I\u2019m alive and Skip says with the Glisterain stuff in me that could be longer than both of us ever imagined. They\u2019re long life type of demons.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2026\u201d Angel fought the hope burgeoning in his chest. He couldn\u2019t deal with Cordelia being stolen away again.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf it helps- I had two conditions, the first being seeing Buffy, the other was I wasn\u2019t coming back or at least I wasn\u2019t going to be your seer if your soul wasn\u2019t fixed.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFixed?\u201d Angel stared.<\/p>\n
\u201cFixed, I get why Angelus didn\u2019t pop up with Buffy or me this last time. But if I\u2019m going to be with you for a potentially long time I\u2019m not risking it again. I love you and I want to make love with you, but with Angelus hovering within, it would\u2019ve been a long frustrating time so I made a condition.<\/p>\n
Your soul\u2019s secure. I couldn\u2019t bind it to me or anything like that the Powers don\u2019t even really get that I love you. But it\u2019s secure; you can go do whatever, love whoever you want. I won\u2019t leave I\u2019m your seer and Connor\u2019s mother, you will just have to deal with the bitter, jealous, ex- wife type from hell that gives you the visions if you bring anyone, even Buffy, though I think I like her now, maybe, I haven\u2019t decided yet, she laughed at my gown, anyway, if you bring anyone here you\u2019ll have to just deal, buster, I\u2019m not leaving Connor.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel stepped back further trying to think. \u201cI can make love to you without fear of Angelus. You\u2019re telling me that you love me, you aren\u2019t destined to die on a certain date that I have to be afraid for, I can just love you freely with only the everyday worry of our lives, is that what you\u2019re telling me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes and Angel that every day stuff can be very scary. Give me that,\u201d grabbing for the mug still clenched in the vampire\u2019s hand. \u201cYou need more blood, you just got paler.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel just stared.<\/p>\n
\u201cDrink.\u201d Cordelia pushed the now filled mug back into the vampire\u2019s hands. \u201cDrink.\u201d She said again.<\/p>\n
Angel raised the mug to his lips, still trying to think. He dropped the mug on the floor. \u201cYou\u2019re really here and I can love you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes. If you want.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re not lying again?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, I just told you that I would make love with you because Angelus is gone. I wouldn\u2019t do that if I wasn\u2019t telling the truth because I\u2019m hoping that you love me enough to get some big old joy at the idea that I\u2019m back for real this time, I wouldn\u2019t say it just to get laid.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can make love to you?\u201d Angel was still trying to get a grasp on the concept. The anger had fled his brain, now it was just wonder.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf you want.\u201d Cordelia started to fidget. \u201cYou do, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel really stared at the young woman gowned in some angelic white dress. The clothes were not the norm, but the brows raised and the tightening of the beautiful lips were the same. Just as the smell was.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re sure you\u2019re not back for any apocalypse?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know of any but give it time one will come along.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re telling the truth.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes. Angel, do you still love me or not, I mean will you kiss me ever again or what? I need to know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou do?\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia glared. \u201cYes, decide now, otherwise it\u2019s the warrior\/seer brother\/sister relationship going into effect.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBrother\/sister relationship what\u2019s that? We never had that, god, I\u2026.you thought of me as your brother?\u2026.that\u2019s just weird.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, actually, it was more of a father\/daughter thing, you know the whole age thing.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel didn\u2019t just step back he jumped. \u201cThat\u2019s sick.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThis from the vampire formally known as Angelus.\u201d Cordelia laughed. \u201cAngel, don\u2019t be dumb; not now. This is when I want you to be smooth, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel studied the young woman, the choking gone. He moved closer. \u201cSmooth, uh.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cScrew it, just take me to bed.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do I get out of it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMe in your life and in your bed for what could be a really long time, Skip says Glisterian demons have a really, really long life span.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou really are back.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYep. Now what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFred has Connor. So, I\u2019ve the whole suite to be \u2018smooth\u2019 in.\u201d Angel lunged grabbing a giggling Cordelia in his arms.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t think I like this dress.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia lifted her head up from Angel\u2019s shoulder. \u201cI know, I don\u2019t like it either, too white. It gives off too many weird connotations.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNaw, it isn\u2019t the color but the coverage.\u201d Angel kept moving his hand trying to find a way to the skin underneath.<\/p>\n