Chapter 29<\/b><\/p>\n
Buffy had made Dawn\u2019s breakfast in rote habit not hearing her younger sister or Willow\u2019s comments, her eyes fastening on the calendar that hung on the refrigerator and the big red X centered on the day’s date.<\/p>\n
She couldn’t get over the feeling that it was important. Oh well. It must not have been, if she couldn’t remember. Buffy’s thoughts went back up to the vampire upstairs. She nodded absentmindedly as Dawn said good-bye.<\/p>\n
Buffy had thought patience would be enough. But, Buffy didn\u2019t know anymore if that was the right course of action. Maybe, it was time for her confront the vampire about his real feelings for Cordelia. Buffy hadn’t wanted to, wanting nature to take it’s course.<\/p>\n
But, this couldn\u2019t go on- Angel hiding in Connor\u2019s room, avoiding her friends. Hell, practically avoiding her. Angel wouldn\u2019t even stay in bed with her through the night.<\/p>\n
Sure. Angel went on patrols with her. But, where those times together had once been special – \u2018their\u2019 time in high school, they seemed like nothing more like a chore to Angel now. Angel would fight whatever foe they found with viciousness that almost scared Buffy.<\/p>\n
Then he would want to make love, but sometimes Buffy wasn\u2019t even sure if Angel knew who she was. He never said her name. Then Angel would leave.<\/p>\n
This was not the fairytale Buffy imagined in her dreams or in her wish.<\/p>\n
Buffy got up. She would ask Angel about Cordelia, she would listen to him say that he loved her, she wouldn’t get mad, she would be understanding. Because once it was out in the open, Angel would have no reason to still feel guilty. Buffy would convince him of that.<\/p>\n
Buffy paused at the bottom of the stairs. The deja vu feelings were worse today than ever. The day just didn’t feel right. Buffy braced her shoulders up; she was just reluctant to hear about Angel’s love for Cordelia.<\/p>\n
But, Buffy was positive that once they dealt with it, things would be better.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d Buffy asked, staring as Angel packed up Connor\u2019s things.<\/p>\n
Angel stilled, not turning. He took a deep breath and continued packing.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel didn\u2019t want to do this, but he had to. He put down the bag and faced Buffy.<\/p>\n
\u201cConnor and I are leaving, going back to LA.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat? Why? You can’t\u201d Buffy\u2019s chest constricted as her panic rose. “You can’t. There’s no reason to. Cordy’s dead.”<\/p>\n
Angel closed his eyes. “Yes, I know Cordy’s dead and that’s my reason.”<\/p>\n
“What that doesn’t make any sense. Angel, she’s dead, not in LA, not here, she’s not coming back. There’s no reason for you to go. You love me. She’s dead.”<\/p>\n
Angel paused angered and confused by Buffy’s panicked assertions that Cordelia was dead. He knew that dead or not Cordelia was the reason he was leaving but how did Buffy?<\/p>\n
“I know she’s dead.” A low growl escaped his throat. Angel took a deep breath. “I know, but I have to go to LA. That’s where my home is that…”<\/p>\n
Buffy grabbed his arm. “You’re home’s here with me. I can be Connor’s mother. Cordy’s dead. How can she be his mother? She can’t.”<\/p>\n
Angel jerked his arm away. “What…” Angel was pretty sure that Connor only spoke of his Mama in front of him. But Buffy must’ve heard it and understood. Angel started to feel guilty.<\/p>\n
Had Buffy found his sketches? No matter. He wouldn’t deny the truth any longer. “Cordy is Connor’s mother. He will always remember that,\u201d he said softly but firmly.<\/p>\n
Buffy’s panic was turning into anger and frustration. “Fine, let him remember a dead woman. But, why do you have to leave.<\/p>\n
“I have to.” Angel frowned at her tone, trying to remain focused on what he needed to tell Buffy. But, how do you tell someone that you love that you don\u2019t love them enough, that you were using them to hide from your life to hide from dreams that won\u2019t go away.<\/p>\n
“No you don’t, you can’t”<\/p>\n
Angel took another deep breath. \u201cBuffy, I don\u2019t belong here with you. My home is in LA\u2026I just forgot.\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy blinked. \u201cAngel, of course, you belong with me. We love each other. This is your home. You can’t be with Cordy. She’s…”<\/p>\n
“Damn’t, STOP saying that I know it. God, I know it.” Angel growled.<\/p>\n
“Okay.” Buffy stepped back. “But….Angel, this is your home.”<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d shaking his head. \u201cMy home is in LA, where my mission is, where my family is.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m your family.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBuffy, I do love you. But I don\u2019t belong here.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2026you love me, you belong with me…..this can’t be happening. This can’t be happening.” Buffy repeated, rubbing her head. “You can’t leave me. Why? Cordy’s not here. \u201d<\/p>\n
Angel shook his head. \u201cI don\u2019t belong with you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, you do. It\u2019s been our dream for so long. And we made it. Angel, I know you loved Cordelia, okay. I can understand and accept that. But, she\u2019s dead, not coming back. You\u2019ve moved on. You have to stay with me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel stared at the slayer. Angel expected that Buffy would be upset, mad even, but he hadn\u2019t expected this desperation or her realization that he loved Cordelia. But he was glad that it was out in the open. He should\u2019ve never hid the truth in the first place. But it had been too painful to even think about. \u201cI do love Cordy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid, Angel, DID. She\u2019s\u2026..\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSTOP SAYING THAT.\u201d Angel yelled.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, you have to accept it, deal with it. I can help you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNO, Buffy, you can\u2019t. Nothing can, except maybe going back to LA where I belong and honoring Cordy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHonor? How\u2019s going back to LA honoring her. Angel, I\u2019m sure she wanted you to be happy. We can be happy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, Buffy, I can\u2019t be happy, I can\u2019t move on. But, I will go back to my family and continue the life I started to have there, helping the helpless, working towards my redemption, something that I can\u2019t do here. I\u2019ll do it to honor Cordelia\u2026she told me by her words, actions and sacrifices how important that was to her. I failed her when I couldn\u2019t save her, I won\u2019t betray her anymore by turning my back on the mission and family that she suffered and died for. I won\u2019t. She gave up part of her humanity for me, for the visions. I love her. I have to go.\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy stumbled back, Angel was leaving her. She could see his determination. There was nothing she could do.<\/p>\n
Angel had said visions. Oh God. She hadn\u2019t thought about it once, except when she marked today\u2019s date with a big fat X three months ago. She left out the \u2018end of the world\u2019 part. It would\u2019ve raised questions that she wasn\u2019t prepared to answer. But, Buffy knew she would remember, who forgot something like that.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, we have to go, NOW.\u201d All the moments of the deja vu, the image of the big red X on the calendar banged together forming one horrify picture. Today was the day Cordelia would\u2019ve returned to warn them, to have the vision of the start of the Apocalypse. They had to get to the cave.<\/p>\n
\u201cBUFFY, BUFFY\u201d, Willow, Xander and Dawn ran up the stairs.<\/p>\n
Chapter 30<\/b>
\nBuffy turned towards her friends, tendrils of fear spread through out her nerve endings.<\/p>\n
All three started talking at once. \u201cPark gone.\u201d \u201cNo, entirely just disappearing.\u201d \u201cDemons, no face.\u201d \u201cSwirling black holes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNO.\u201d Buffy ran; pushing past them, fear flooding her. She couldn\u2019t be too late. Buffy tore out of the house. She had to get the disc.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat the hell is going on?\u201d Angel ordered.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe have to go help Buffy.\u201d Xander yelled heading back the way he came.<\/p>\n
\u201cHelp her do what?\u201d Angel grabbed at Xander.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know, kill the demons, stop the swirling black hole from swallowing the whole town, that.\u201d<\/p>\n
Willow and Dawn nodded frantically.<\/p>\n
Angel growled. \u201cGet the car,\u201d grabbing a blanket.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t bother, dead boy.\u201d Xander ran to the window ripping down the heavy cho cho train curtains. \u201cNo sun.\u201d<\/p>\n
The afternoon sun had disappeared or rather was hidden by a dark mist coating the air and reaching to the horizon.<\/p>\n
\u201cDawn, stay with Connor.\u201d Angel switched the blanket for his coat and sword.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Buffy just ran, praying that it wasn\u2019t too late. It couldn\u2019t be. She ran faster, her heart in her throat. The fear causing it to beat harshly almost choking her, it made her run even faster.<\/p>\n
Buffy stumbled falling to the ground at the sight before her. There was no disc, because there was no cave and there was no cave because there was no park. The street surrounding it was gone. The demons were spreading out in a circular motion, heralding the growing void, sparks shot out of the nothingness and with each spark came a vortex swirling and expanding to make the blackness larger.<\/p>\n
Buffy watched in terrified fascination as the encroaching demons and blackness ate away at the town. Swallowing up people and things.
\nBuffy did this. Her inability to see beyond her own pain brought this on. Her fear at losing Angel, blinded her to the importance of Cordelia\u2019s presence.<\/p>\n
\u201cBuffy,\u201d Angel cried, swing his sword at an approaching demon. \u201cBuffy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy blinked looking up. \u201cIt won\u2019t do any good. Kill one another comes. We can\u2019t stop them or it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe can fight.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe don\u2019t have the disc. We lost before we even began.\u201d Buffy got up, standing motionless, as more demons appeared moving closer. Her heart had stopped its frantic beating. She felt nothing just like the void in front of her.<\/p>\n
Angel grabbed the shocked young woman carrying away from the demons. \u201cBuffy, what disc?\u201d yelling as he ran.<\/p>\n
\u201cPut me down.\u201d Buffy started to struggle.<\/p>\n
\u201cNot if you\u2019re just going to stand there.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPut me down.\u201d Buffy yelled kicking out with her strength.<\/p>\n
Buffy picked herself up, glaring at the vampire that saved her.<\/p>\n
\u201cBuffy, they\u2019re coming too fast, we have to go.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGo, where, it\u2019s eating the town. We can\u2019t stop it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBuffy\u2026.you said something about a disc. What disc?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGuys,\u201d Xander ran up out breath, his car in the background. \u201cStaying here doesn\u2019t seem to be a good idea,\u201d pointing behind Angel and Buffy.<\/p>\n
The demons were claiming the distance that Angel had put between them.<\/p>\n
\u201cTime for the classic fast retreat. Willow and Dawn went to the Magic Shoppe. Connor\u2019s with them.\u201d Xander added at Angel\u2019s growl.<\/p>\n
\u201cWon\u2019t do any good, Drakkus isn’t in the books.\u201d Buffy shook her head vigorously, the feelings cascading back into her being, as her tears poured.<\/p>\n
\u201cDrakkus?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe demons, the dimension. It\u2019s too late.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBuffy,\u201d Angel shook the woman by her shoulders. \u201cIf you know what it is, we can find out how to stop it.\u201d<\/p>\n
The slayer shook her head again. \u201cI know how to stop it. Do the ritual on the disc but we don\u2019t have the disc.\u201d Her voice numb at the shock of what she had let happen.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat disc?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe disc..the disc that told how to close the damn portal, the one I didn\u2019t get, the one that Cordelia told Wesley was important. The one that he was translating with the help\u2026Oh god.\u201d Buffy slumped. \u201cCordelia didn\u2019t save Crystal\u2026she was killed that\u2019s why the portal is growing so quickly. Oh god, what have I done?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy\u2026Wesley\u2026Buffy, you\u2019re not making sense.\u201d Angel said, holding her still.<\/p>\n
Buffy stared. Her love for the vampire was destroying the world. Love or had it just been desperation and jealousy. Buffy closed her eyes, squeezing her tears to a stop.<\/p>\n
\u201cBuffy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know how to stop this.\u201d She said suddenly taking off running.<\/p>\n
Angel paused. Cordy? Cordy told Wesley about a disc? A disc that he was translating? About this? Who was Crystal? And Buffy knew? When? How? Angel started running; his answers wouldn\u2019t be found there.<\/p>\n
\u201cRunning is good, but car is better, well at least for those without supernatural powers.\u201d Xander stared after Buffy and Angel, both running at an inhuman speed.<\/p>\n
Chapter 31<\/b>
\nBuffy barged into the magic Shoppe. \u201cWillow.\u201d<\/p>\n
The redhead shot up from the pile of books. \u201cI\u2019ve\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe need Anya.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnya?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnya?\u201d Xander repeated coming in behind Buffy and the vampire. Angel had already gone to Connor.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe need to summon her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBuffy, she\u2019s out of town, who knows where. How can she help?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot call,\u201d Buffy shook her head. \u201cSummons her, summons Anyanka. Giles has the book, right?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2026Anyanka?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBuffy, unless one of those demons screwed you over, a vengeance demon can\u2019t help.\u201d Xander said.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, this is the wish, this isn\u2019t real. She has to stop it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnya wished this? I knew she hated me, but I always thought she liked the world.\u201d Xander said. \u201cIsn\u2019t this just a little \u2018over kill\u2019 I thought she wanted to blow up my\u2026.Mr. Peter\u2026not the world.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMr. Peter.\u201d Angel raised a brow.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWillow, look for it.\u201d Buffy called ignoring Xander and Angel.<\/p>\n
\u201cUh, Buffy, I\u2019m with Xander, this doesn\u2019t really sound like a wish Anya would do.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt wasn\u2019t her wish. Find it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhose was it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWillow, please.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay, okay.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay, I\u2019ll ask whose was it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMine.\u201d Buffy said staring straight at Angel, guilt and regret clear on her wet face.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d The room cried out.<\/p>\n
\u201cBuffy, you\u2019re with Angel, not that I wouldn\u2019t mind deadboy out of the picture, but he\u2019s in it. Why would you make a wish to a vengeance demon?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel left me.\u201d Buffy tore her eyes from the vampire.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s right there.\u201d Xander pointed.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe was going to leave me, go back to LA.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBuffy, you wished the end of the world because I told you I was leaving this morning.\u201d Angel was incredulous.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou broke up with Buffy,\u201d Xander, Dawn and Willow said stunned.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d Buffy said softly, not wanting to admit what she had done.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe didn\u2019t? I\u2019m confused.\u201d Xander said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t wish the world to end and I didn\u2019t wish it this morning,\u201d tears were falling freely down Buffy\u2019s face, blurring her vision. She was grateful; she didn\u2019t want to see Angel\u2019s eyes on her. As it was his gaze was burning holes in her heart.<\/p>\n
\u201cBuffy,\u201d Angel took a step closer to the crying young woman.<\/p>\n
Buffy stepped back, her head shaking. \u201cAngel\u2026I\u2019m sorry\u2026I just\u2026you were leaving me for her and she was still going to die. The Powers only sent her back for\u2026to warn us about this and to get you to go back to LA to fight\u2026for your soul\u2019s redemption.\u201d Buffy gave a small choked chuckle. \u201cYou figured that on your own, didn\u2019t you, for her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWho, Buffy, who,\u201d Angel stepped closer, his soft voice losing any signs of gentleness, strains of coldness seeping in as a glimmering of Buffy\u2019s meaning reached him.<\/p>\n
The tears in her throat coated Buffy\u2019s bitter laugh, her head lowered in shame at the jealousy that was still present, even now. \u201cWho do you think? Connor\u2019s Mama.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel stilled, his body tensing.<\/p>\n
\u201cDarla?\u201d Xander squeaked. \u201cHow many lives does the nasty evil bitch get? And why? You left Buffy for Darla? Okay, I\u2019m down with the vengeance thing, but Buffy, the world?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot, Darla.\u201d Dawn said in sad realization. \u201cCordelia.\u201d Dawn had seen the sketchbook, realizing right away what her sister had been blind to. Dawn hadn\u2019t said anything because Angel was with Buffy and Cordelia had been dead. Dawn had wanted her sister to be happy. Though, seeing how things were turning out maybe she should have said something sooner.<\/p>\n
Buffy brushed harshly at the moisture trailing down her face, ignoring the others. \u201cAngel..I\u2026I\u2019m sorry. I just couldn\u2019t see it anymore\u2026She came\u2026you forgot all about \u2018US\u2019\u2026you wouldn\u2019t listen\u2026the three of you\u2026in my house, MY house\u2026together sleeping like a family. She had my family and she wasn\u2019t even going to stay alive\u2026but you wouldn\u2019t\u2026I just\u2026.\u201d Buffy closed her eyes in attempt to shut out the imagines and Angel\u2019s expression.<\/p>\n
The astonished joy at the thought of Connor AND Cordelia in his arms disappeared as quickly as it had come as Angel realized all of what Buffy was saying. \u201cYou wished Cordy away- dead.\u201d The coldness had taken over the vampire\u2019s words leaving nothing for Buffy.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy\u2019s plea grated on Angel\u2019s control. Another person he had trusted had destroyed his dream.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhoa, vamp boy,\u201d Xander grabbed at Angel\u2019s arm, trying to break his grip on Buffy\u2019s neck. \u201cWillow, Dawn somebody, stake. Buffy, slayer power ignite.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, no\u201d \u201cStop.\u201d Dawn and Willow ran up.<\/p>\n
Buffy gasped, her slayer self-preservation instincts kicked in, her hands slammed into either side of Angel\u2019s head. Angel was pushed back as Buffy fell to the ground.<\/p>\n
Xander, Willow and Buffy quickly moved in between the slayer and vampire.<\/p>\n
\u201cBack off, deadboy,\u201d Xander held up a stake that Willow immediately pushed down.<\/p>\n
\u201cStop.\u201d Willow turned to the slayer. \u201cBuffy, are you saying that Cordelia came back from the dead, prevented all this and you still wished her away?\u201d Willow was amazed. Sure, she went on a couple of magical power trips before, but Buffy?<\/p>\n
Buffy had disapproved of Willow\u2019s ego trips and how they had put others in danger. Geez. Buffy was really a more of the \u2018do as I say, not as I do\u2019 type of gal. The world was ending.<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought I could\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut, you didn\u2019t, did you.\u201d Angel said coldly. \u201cCordy is my seer, a link to the Powers\u2026If they brought her back from the dead there was a reason.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou didn\u2019t think. You just reacted like a spoiled little girl.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHey, dead boy, don\u2019t sound so high and mighty- you cheated on the love of your life, behind her back.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel\u2019s cold gaze pierced the young man. \u201cNever.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBuffy said she saw you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know what Buffy saw, I could only dream. But, if Cordy was here, I was with her AND it wasn\u2019t behind anyone\u2019s back.\u201d Angel knew with a certainty if Cordelia had returned from the dead, nothing would have prevented him from being at her side. \u201c Stop the wish, Buffy,\u201d he growled.<\/p>\n
\u201cBuffy, you have to. The void.\u201d<\/p>\n
Buffy brushed at her tears. \u201cI would\u2026but I don\u2019t know how. That\u2019s why we need to summon Anya.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m here.\u201d Buffy jumped as the pretty vengeance demon tapped her on the shoulder.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnya.\u201d Xander squeaked.<\/p>\n
\u201cStill miserable, freaked, waiting for your penis to fall off.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShit.\u201d Xander winced.<\/p>\n
\u201cI take that as a yes.\u201d Anya smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cStop the wish,\u201d Angel growled. \u201cGive me back Cordy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt doesn\u2019t work that way. I can\u2019t turn off a wish just because the betrayed woman doesn\u2019t like how it turned out. And I sure can\u2019t do it when the unfaithful man wants me to.\u201d Anya studied the growling vampire.<\/p>\n
\u201cUnfaithful in the heart counts, too,\u201d waving her finger disapprovingly at Angel. \u201cBut, then you aren\u2019t really a betrayed woman are you, Buffy? You knew it was coming, you just didn\u2019t want to see it or accept it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShut up and stop the wish.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJust like that? You said\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Anya shrugged. \u201cSeems an in the know important upper middle management type demon named Skip called in a favor with my boss. The Powers aren\u2019t real pleased that their plans were interfered with. Geez, they want their warriors to at least have a shot at stopping the end of the world.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA shot? Cordelia\u2019s presence doesn\u2019t stop all this.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo guarantees but the odds are definitely better than what\u2019s happening outside.\u201d Anya turned to Buffy. \u201cThey also want me to let you retain your memory of this wish, hoping I guess that you\u2019ll learn from it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Anya cocked her pretty head. \u201cCan you do that, Buffy?\u201d Anya shook her head. “Nevermind, for your own safety,\u201d Anya looked pointedly at Angel. \u201cEveryone else will forget. You\u2019ll begin where you wished. Now, go guys, go save the world.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWAIT,\u201d Xander shouted. \u201cMy\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMr. Peter is fine for now,\u201d Anya smiled and in a flash was gone.<\/p>\n