Part 33<\/b><\/p>\n
\u201cThe marks are gone.\u201d Angel A held the glowing orb. \u201cI need to leave, so do you.\u201d He stared at the other vampire.<\/p>\n
\u2018Little a\u2019 nodded, but asked. \u201cA couple of questions first.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m being uncharacteristically introspective. I\u2019ve been through a lot.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201dYou?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, me, come on think about it, think about you as me. When Cordy, Gunn, Fred-, and I won\u2019t even ask about the hows and whys of her- dropped in I had efficiently driven Cordy away, along with Wesley and Gun. Got Cordy to say that she didn\u2019t need me, my family didn\u2019t need me or want me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel A sat on the edge of the bed. \u201cHospital, uh. Wesley will be fine.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut not because of anything I did.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d Angel sighed. He had stopped the police zombies but he had to acknowledge that it hadn\u2019t been to save his friends. He hadn\u2019t even known they were in danger.<\/p>\n
Angel \u2018little a\u2019 nodded. \u201cSo, can\u2019t you understand finding out that Cordelia Chase some how loved you, did love you, that you marked her, would be just a little question worthy. From what I gather, I have an epiphany, slept with Darla.\u201d Angel shook his head, glancing up at the other vampire hoping beyond hope that he would dispute that particular future fact that he heard.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe other way around.\u201d Angel A said. \u201cBelieve me. You won\u2019t be thinking of anything when you make that decision. Hell, it wasn\u2019t even a decision, it was just easy, and you were just told that every thing you did didn\u2019t matter. Cordelia, Wesley, and Gunn were across town hating you, but still fighting your mission. You, I gave up.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo, Cordy was right it was just sex because of a \u2018down\u2019 time.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe says that because it is easier for her and me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t understand.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMy soul wasn\u2019t bound. I knew vaguely the curses parameters, just as you do. But, I didn\u2019t care. I was actually surprised when I didn\u2019t lose it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou wanted to.\u201d Angel \u2018little a\u2019 flopped down in the desk chair, he knew that he had cut himself off from his family; he knew he ignored the mission but to want to be Angelus again. \u201cYou could\u2019ve\u2026. even without the marks. Cordelia would\u2019ve been the first Angelus went to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou won\u2019t care.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI will always care about that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, that time you won\u2019t. That is why it easier for her, for me to shrug it off. The look in her eyes when she discovered that I lied\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow did she find out?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDarla made a return appearance and thought it would be funny. She waited until they were on the way to trusting me again. Cordelia had forgiven me for everything, except that, because when she asked me, or rather assumed that I wouldn\u2019t be so stupid, I agreed. Things were going so well, she had said we were friends again. But then Darla.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you still didn\u2019t kill her?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t know until after. She didn\u2019t try to kill Cordy or do anything in LA except destroy the lies that I had told. She left before I even knew she had been there.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHated me again for putting our family at risk and then lying about it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow?\u201d Angel just stared at vampire that composed the fuck ups of his future.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow, she loves me, you. I don\u2019t know. But, she does. She won\u2019t leave me. I thought about making her, but if the so called beige period didn\u2019t make her go, I wasn\u2019t sure how to do it and I didn\u2019t want to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou could\u2019ve killed her.\u201d Angel \u2018little a\u2019 growled.<\/p>\n
\u201cGoing to take my place like the B version?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI would, believe me I would, but what\u2019s the point. My soul isn\u2019t bound and this crap would start all over again. \u201c<\/p>\n
Angel A nodded. \u201cGlad, you realized that at least.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel \u2018little a\u2019 cocked his head. \u201cI\u2019m not B, I\u2019ve had Cordy in my life. I\u2019ve told you what the others told me. You can\u2019t hold it against Cordy. It never happened for her.\u201d Angel \u2018little a\u2019 demanded.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t worry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI do.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI won\u2019t make her feel guilty about something she has nothing to feel guilty about.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRight, like you didn\u2019t make her feel responsible for Angelus marking her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re just talking now, you understand that.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel \u2018little a\u2019 sighed. \u201cI do, I just don\u2019t understand her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNeither do I, but I have no choice but to accept it, because otherwise I wouldn\u2019t have her.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel \u2018little a\u2019 nodded again. \u201cTell me about the sketches, she knew when she came to get me. How was I not so scared that she would leave that I showed her?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, you were scared. You will be terrified. You got careless. It was after Cordelia had moved in. One night you will be making love to Cordelia and afterwards as she was sleeping, you will be so engrossed in drawing not to realize that she woke up. Then the drawer is open. All looked at all understood or least accepted. She\u2019ll sit with you and make you tell her about Kathy and you will, she will cry with you when you tell her about Kathy, Hell and the victims, she will raise her brows and toss the books of Darla and Buffy off to the side, make you frame the picture of Doyle that she liked the best. Then she\u2019ll blush and squirm when she gets the books of her, by then they will out number all. It will be morning before she drags you back to bed, makes love to you and tells you over and over that she loves you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh.\u201d Angel \u2018little a\u2019 stared at the unconscious teenage body of Cordelia Chase, amazement and love filled his being at the woman she would become.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, OH. When you wake up, you\u2019ll feel that a weight has been lifted from our soul. That\u2019s until you see her going back through all the books with a frown on her face. You\u2019ll be scared again, but then she will just start bitching that out of all the sketches she didn\u2019t see one of Dennis. Which I though was bizarre on so many levels considering what she had seen, the least though being he is a ghost and not really even a friend to me, sure he was sympathetic before Cordelia and I admitted that we loved each other but afterwards I swear he sabotaged things. He never quite went as far as leaving the drapes open, but he would do things. I was going to make dinner at Cordy\u2019s, she was tired of everybody eating \u2018her dinner\u2019 so we went to her apartment. I can cook,\u201d Angel stopped and stared at the other vampire,\u201d Of course you know that, well, the pasta burned and the sauce over cooked. A disaster.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel \u2018little a\u2019 frowned he screwed up something so simple. Then he thought about it some more. \u201cJust a question.\u2019<\/p>\n
Angel A narrowed his brow.<\/p>\n
\u201cWas the soul bound and was Cordy in the kitchen with you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel A twitched his lips and looked at his feet. \u201cOkay, maybe that wasn\u2019t the best example, it is hard to concentrate when Cordy is nearby, but that ghost was a menace for a while,\u201d Angel A said with surety. \u201cHe never gave me any towels. I had to resort to taking showers with Cordy just to get towels. He always gave her towels\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh god, are you telling me I\u2019m going to have to resort to whining with a ghost to get a towel.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI think you\u2019re missing the point.\u201d Angel A raised his brows. \u201cCordy was mad at Dennis for making me drip dry. He got mad, but he didn\u2019t have the balls to take her towels away so Cordy offered to share her shower and towels. I won that one.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t remember Dennis so interfering.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe holds a grudge, he just only forgave me for your, my, fuckups. It seems he kept a calendar, that\u2019s where Cordy got the idea for hers. Cordy marked good days but Dennis marked bad ones and he double scored if I was even remotely the cause. Cordy cries once and I\u2019m double banged forever.\u201d Angel sighed. \u201cThere were too many of those days.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy said he was at the hotel, you didn\u2019t exorcise him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you even know Cordy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh right, dust buster fodder. So, he went with her. In our room?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHas his own with a TV and everything, it\u2019s the best in the hotel. He\u2019s a ghost, he\u2019s dead, not corporal, god Damn\u2019t. But Cordy and Fred love him. It\u2019s not just us. Gunn even gets jealous.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGunn?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe and Fred.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, have you warned him she\u2019s crazy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s not crazy, just unique, you\u2019ll love her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s what Cordy said.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s right.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay,\u201d Angel drew a long sigh. \u201cWhat about the Dennis\u2019 portrait?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou heard about that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGunn said it was the best picture you, we, ever drawn.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt was before we got the spell to move Dennis. Cordy wanted have a picture of him during the wait, to tide her over from her and Fred\u2019s visits with him, which were every day. I\u2019ll admit I was a little frustrated. So I just gave her a blank page and with the date and my scrawl.\u201d Angel\u2019s brows raised as his shoulders went up and down. \u201c She loved it, they all did, even Dennis, he hasn\u2019t skimmed with the towels once since then. It\u2019s framed in our bedroom.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat worked.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel shrugged again. \u201cI don\u2019t see how, but it got me towels and a happy Cordy, which is better that an annoyed one. The annoyed one takes five seconds longer to get unclothed and on the bed.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel ‘little a’ couldn\u2019t decide if he wanted to hear more or just kill the vampire before him. He had to remind himself that his Cordelia was waiting. \u201cI\u2019ll go, but don\u2019t fuck up my future. I know I get there, but don\u2019t make it so she\u2019s running away when I do. Love her, protect her, and keep her safe for me. Can you do that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI already have, not always the best way, but she\u2019s still waiting and loving. Don\u2019t worry about me, worry when she looks at you and tells you- you hurt her feelings, worry when she tells you -you aren\u2019t her friend, cherish every fucking smile you get when she forgets momentarily that she hates you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s going to hurt, isn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWorse than you can ever imagine. But, it will be worth it. Once in our long fucked life we will have done something right, we will have wanted something someone so much for the right reason. You think she\u2019s a weakness. I\u2019ll tell you she is our strength.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was coming too that conclusion. I just wish could have remembered it sooner.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia wouldn\u2019t be ready. But she will be. Oh, keep sketching the dreams. Cordy is quite happy that now there are more books of her than anyone else. She gets \u2018gooey\u2019.<\/p>\n
\u201c\u2019Gooey?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHer words. She likes that I made her beautiful. Odd, she knows that she is, but she is always amazed when I draw her. I don\u2019t think she has ever really seen herself. Dorkiness and the puppy dog look are for easy fights, shutting her up by kissing is the next line of defense. Leaving a sketch for her eyes only is the big guns. If that doesn\u2019t work give up and truly beg. You want my future- fine- but I\u2019ll warn you the once Scourge of Europe is in the future whipped by a beautiful sharp tongued full of heart young woman.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel \u2018little a\u2019 looked up not really surprised. He had already accepted the inevitability of Cordelia Chase.<\/p>\n
\u201cI really go shopping?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, but you do that on your own at first to make her smile, then later to get her to hug you. No fighting involved, you just want to be hugged.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo I have to do it often; that just seems like hell?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt is, but it\u2019s worth it. Body Works, Victoria Secret and shoot, I can never remember the name, but it has really nice changing rooms, big enough to lie down,\u201d Angel wrinkled his expression. \u201cShopping isn\u2019t that bad.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel \u2018little a\u2019 growled. \u201cI want to kill you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel A swerved from his thoughts of him helping Cordy zip, unzip, zip and unzip on a carpeted floor, with a large mirror that showed only her squirming in pleasure.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah. I bet you do. But, the anticipation the hunt, the challenge of getting her to accept you back was terrifying and exhilarating. It will be your finest work.\u201d Angel smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd the day you realize that the smile beaming towards you was hiding juices steamed with arousal, begging to be touched. You will be one happy camper, frustrated as hell, but it will result in the sketch that makes Cordy compete with an excellent fantasy. Cordy with all of her heart, all of her courage, is also vain, a pain in the ass and quite competitive.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI knew that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, but I\u2019ve experienced it. You need to go, so you can start on the journey. I will tell you this. We do go through some horrendous shit, Wolfram & Hart will screw with her, she be will sucked into a hell dimension, but it\u2019s worth it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWolfram & Hart.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel jerked to the other vampire. \u201cYou will do some damage but you won\u2019t destroy it. I won\u2019t either, but I will make sure that they understand once in for all, they can\u2019t get to me by way of Cordy. I can\u2019t destroy the firm, but I can kill every person walking and talking in the firm.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d Angel \u2018little a\u2019, stared at the other vampire\u2019s shake of his head.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy,\u201d he shrugged. \u201cWith Darla, I got chastised about letting the lawyers die, with Cordy in danger-Wesley, Gunn and even Fred don\u2019t seem to mind so much. They are hypocrites.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd. I love them for it. They have their priorities straight. I have to go, she\u2019s been alone for too long and this one may wake up,\u201d he nodded to the prone girl. \u201cAnd then there will be hell to pay.\u201d He puzzled.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know I loved Buffy, but how in the hell did I miss her?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBe thankful that you did or Angelus wouldn\u2019t have – the dreams.\u201d Angel \u2018little a\u2019 reminded him.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel \u2018little a\u2019 stared. \u201cI knew she was beautiful.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLike I didn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou said you missed her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not arguing with myself over this.\u201d<\/p>\n
Both vampires froze in fear as the young woman stirred. \u201cOkay. Time to go.\u201d They both echoed as they ran out of the bedroom.<\/p>\n