Chapter Twenty<\/b><\/p>\n
Angel piled up the tray with various foods. It had been long enough; he had to go to Cordelia.<\/p>\n
Angel paused in the middle of Cordelia\u2019s room, looking expectantly for the young girl. A sharp stab of apprehension and pain knotted in the pit of Angel\u2019s gut as he noticed the closed bathroom door. Cordelia was in there.<\/p>\n
Not again, his mind cried out. Angel flung the tray to the side as he barged through the door. The vampire quickly took in his seer\u2019s naked body submerged in the bath water, the small scissors at Cordelia\u2019s delicate wrists. He growled in rage and fear as he yanked Cordelia\u2019s frail form out of the water, clutching her to his chest.<\/p>\n
\u201cNO,\u201d Angel growled grabbing the scissors and flinging them forcibly against the wall.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat the\u2026.. Let me go,\u201d she cried again pushing against the vampire tight grip.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia, you were\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTaking a bath and changing these stupid bandages. Let me go.\u201d Cordelia pushed against Angel\u2019s tight embrace. \u201cAnd give me a towel, I am naked here, like in no clothes,\u201d she yelled.<\/p>\n
Cordelia\u2019s bellows broke through the vampire\u2019s panic. He slowly pulled away from the irate young girl. \u201cI thought\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat? That I was doing the suicide thing. Well, I\u2019m not. Now, give me a towel.\u201d She grumbled propelling herself to her feet. \u201cOh, nevermind.\u201d Cordelia grabbed at a towel wrapping it around her wet body. \u201cGeez.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia, I\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, get away from me. I was just taking a bath that\u2019s all. God, over react much.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia,\u201d Angel started again. He was getting frustrated at the young girl\u2019s anger. What did she expect from him?<\/p>\n
\u201cI told you I was fine,\u201d she huffed.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia, you tried to kill yourself.\u201d He explained, uncharastically running his hand through his hair.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat was then, not now,\u201d she rolled her eyes. \u201cNow, I was taking a bath, trying to relax. Actually, doing a pretty good job at it, that was until you came barging in all over wiggy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2026.I just thought\u2026I found you before in the bathtub..,\u201d he tried to explain brokenly. Angel\u2019s dark eyes reflected the misery and terror he had experienced when he had found Cordelia lying in her own blood.<\/p>\n
Cordelia stared at the vampire a moment before pushing past him and heading for the closet. No, her mind shouted. She couldn\u2019t bear to see Angel\u2019s pain at past her actions. Cordelia was disgusted with herself. Her choices and failures had caused someone she loved nothing but anguish. She couldn\u2019t, wouldn’t deal with her guilt, it was too debilitating. She tried to focus on anything, but her perceived failed responsibility to the vampire.<\/p>\n
Damn him, she thought, her mind had almost settled on calm plateau. She glared at the vampire. Good, she thought, hostility was the perfect diversion from the approaching pain of her remorse. Cordelia jerked on her clothes, her anger towards Angel swelling to the surface.<\/p>\n
\u201cJust where do you get off getting all protective and concerned about me,\u201d she griped loudly. \u201cYou left me. And now, all of sudden you think you have a right to get all bossy and controlling over me.\u201d Cordelia scowled at the vampire.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia,\u201d Angel started to explain his initial fear when he realized that she was in the bathroom.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d Pacing the bedroom, agitatively. \u201cNo, you fired me, \u2018vision girl\u2019 you left me alone to fight your stupid soul saving missions. And let\u2019s not forget because of your overwhelming need for the lone dark ranger type revenge, Wesley was shot. SHOT, Angel, as in could have died. Umph. You are one selfish vampire, you know that. You left me.\u201d She shouted stopping in front of Angel. \u201cYou hurt me,\u201d she cried.<\/p>\n
\u201cI \u2026know\u2026I am sorry.\u201d Angel said downcast, accepting her censure. \u201cCordelia, I\u2026\u201d Angel tried again to explain.<\/p>\n
\u201cSorry, that\u2019s it, isn\u2019t Angel.\u201d Cordelia cut in roughly. \u201cYou do horrible, mean stuff, and then you say \u2018sorry\u2019 and everything is just hunkie dorie.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, of course not, but I need..,\u201d he attempted again, starting to get frustrated at his seer\u2019s continual interruptions.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, it doesn\u2019t work that way. You scared me, you hurt me,\u201d she repeated, still ignoring the vampire\u2019s efforts to speak. Cordelia flashed a condemning look towards Angel as she paused for a breath.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, you scared me and hurt me,\u201d the vampire yelled, taking advantage of the quiet, his frustration getting the better of him. \u201cYou slit your wrists. You almost died. How could you do that to yourself, to me?\u201d He questioned angrily.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou?\u201d She exclaimed hotly. \u201cThis had nothing to do with you,\u201d she lied. \u201cAnyway, you had sex with Darla. Please, tell me you were just aching for a pelvic thrust and not self combusting your soul.\u201d Cordelia glared.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2026.\u201d Angel\u2019s anger disappeared as his guilt returned at her furious comments. Angel struggled to try again to explain his actions, forcing his eyes to meet Cordelia\u2019s flashing ones.<\/p>\n
Once more, Cordelia broke in, not letting the vampire finish his sentence. \u201cDon\u2019t bother, you gave up. How could you?\u201d She cried. \u201cYou could have destroyed everything. Worse than that, you could have let the evil \u2018grr\u2019 side out to run rampant. Oh, don\u2019t even try to explain. I don\u2019t know why I was surprised. Tell me Angel, what gives you the right to judge me or what I decide to do with my life. You have been willing to sacrifice your life and soul more than once. And not for the greater good, mind you, but just because.\u201d Disgust dripped from her voice.<\/p>\n
Cordelia continued not wanting or expecting Angel to answer. \u201c What you don\u2019t remember the Snow of Sunnydale Christmas Past.\u201d She paused glaring at the vampire\u2019s perplexed expression at her statement.<\/p>\n
\u201cI may have been in Aspen, enjoying the last remnants of my \u2018normal\u2019 life, but I heard. I wasn\u2019t clueless. You attempted your own self-combustion escape path. And now, what less than 48 hrs ago, you tried the soul extinguishing sex thing. Why, am I the one being cuddled and questioned? Your death or loss of the soul stuff could have ended the world, as we know it. You risked everything. You have screwed up more than once and no one is crying foul. Crying, what\u2019s wrong with the vampire? Let\u2019s get his head shrunk.\u201d Cordelia paced abruptly around the room ignoring the vampire.<\/p>\n
Angel remained silent trying to process her words. He hadn\u2019t realized that Cordelia knew about his attempted suicide, truthfully he had forgotten about it. Well, he hadn\u2019t actually forgotten about it, but he had compartalized it with all things relating to Sunnydale and Buffy. In other words, he considered it a past memory not relevant to his life in LA.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, to think I was all guilt ridden about not being there for you, for not keeping my promise to always be at your side. But, there was nothing I could have done was there? My mistake is not that I failed you, but that I am not the great \u2018Buffy\u2019. She is the only one you would let save you, isn\u2019t she? Miss slayette always saved you. She was the one that was able to get you to see reason, the first time you tried to go up as a sunlit vamp torch. You experienced a miracle because of the slayer\u2019s \u2018love\u2019. Snow in Southern California. Geez, how is the \u2018love\u2019 of a \u2018nobody\u2019 seer suppose to compare to such a mythic love?\u201d Cordelia demanded in a huff.<\/p>\n
Cordelia glared at the now stunned and puzzled vampire before continuing on with her tirade. \u201cYou were able to stake Darla the first time, because it was her or Buffy. How you must have been in torment these last few months. Buffy, Darla? Which simpering blonde do I choose? It would have been so much easier and healthier for all of us, if we never bothered with trying to talk sense into you, but instead ran straight to Sunnydale and grabbed Buffy. Let the Blonde super chicks fight it out, the winner get Angel or Angelus. This time, your epiphany, was it Buffy? Of course it was its always Buffy. \u2018Oh my god, what would Buffy think? I better get back on the straight and narrow, if I am ever to be reunited with the \u2018love\u2019 of my life. So, bye Darla, you\u2019re dust again\u2019.\u201d Cordelia paused taking a gulp of much needed air, still scorning the vampire\u2019s bewildered expression.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know when I think of it, it makes me sick. I came to this stupid city, to live my life to get away from all things dead and yucky. And what do I get? A repeat of Sunnyhell. Danger and death. People that I thought I could trust, but did I get that, oh no, just people that judged me, found me wanting then rejected me. Even Doyle didn\u2019t trust me. And I bet you encouraged it. \u2018Cordelia would never understand or accept a half demon, she is just a stupid shallow little girl\u2019\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat, no\u2026Cordelia, I never would have\u2026\u201d Doyle\u2019s name and her harsh unjust accusations towards their dead friend broke through Angel\u2019s confused state. \u201cOf course, Doyle trusted you, you know that. He never rejected you, you were very important to him, he cared about you.\u201d Angel exclaimed forcibly.<\/p>\n
Cordelia shot a frosty glance at the struggling vampire. \u201cHe left me. And you, ummp. You say you won\u2019t leave. Fine, until when? Until, Buffy needs you, or Darla shows up once again from the ashes. You will either abandon me or kill yourself, leaving me alone again. I don\u2019t need it or want it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia I won\u2019t leave you.\u201d Angel claimed loudly.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t believe you, you aren\u2019t any different from anyone else that has said that they cared about me or loved me,\u201d she yelled back.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShut up,\u201d she ranted. \u201cI didn\u2019t ask for any of this. My soul is fine. Sure I was a bitch, but if I haven\u2019t made up for that by now, then screw the higher powers. I have given more than I should ever have had to. And if my existence is just to pander to your needs or journey, than I say take it away. Because I get no appreciation or consideration.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course, I appreciate you. I care about you,\u201d Angel tried, willing the young woman to believe that and more.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d Cordelia retorted. \u201cYou have given me nothing to rely on, at all. You gave up your soul why? Because you couldn\u2019t deal with killing Darla. You say you care about me, but did you think about me? No. Did you care about me? No. You are just like everybody else. Screw you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel stood in shock at the young woman\u2019s irate ramblings. Her anger washed over him causing a sharp ache through his body. Angel wasn\u2019t sure what to say or do. He wondered frantically trying to understand Cordelia\u2019s words.<\/p>\n
He couldn\u2019t tell if she really believed her own assertions. Doyle? Cordelia knew that Doyle had cared about her, why was she denying it now. And, Buffy? That made absolutely no sense. What did Buffy have to do with any of this? Buffy has had no influence over Angel\u2019s actions or choices in almost two years, Buffy definitely didn\u2019t have anything to do with his epiphany, that was all about the beautiful girl seething before him.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia, Buffy had nothing to do with my still having my soul,\u201d he started.<\/p>\n
\u201cRight,\u201d Cordelia cried vehemently denying his claim. \u201cBuffy saved you before\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia, if you know about\u2026about my attempt at suicide, then you should know it was because of \u2018The First\u201d.<\/p>\n
Cordelia rolled her eyes. \u201cRight, the really old spooky evil, that made you believe that you wanted to kill Buffy. So, to save her, you went with the whole sun hara-kiri thing. But, she came to you, her love darkened the sun with beautiful snow.\u201d Cordelia grimaced. \u201cHow sickenly supernaturally hallmarky.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia, it was more than just wanting to save Buffy.\u201d Angel interrupted, trying to clarify how he felt at that time. \u201c\u2019The First\u2019 had me believing that I was nothing but a monster and would always be one. My victims came to me in dreams, taunting me, convincing me. It wasn\u2019t just Buffy, I didn\u2019t want to kill anyone again. But I had believed them, so I\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut, Buffy broke through your super spell induced brood mode. She was the only one that could, Umph,\u201d Cordelia broke in, not wanting to be distracted from her theory. \u201cIt was because you were all broody and despondent over Buffy moving on with her life that enabled Darla to tempt you and mess with your mind.\u201d Cordelia declared.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd it was Buffy, that enabled you to find your so-called enlightenment.\u201d She nodded in conviction. \u201cIt was her. There was nothing I could have done to help you. It wasn\u2019t my fault. I have nothing to feel guilty for, I don\u2019t,\u201d she turned to Angel daring him to contradict her.<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course you don\u2019t.\u201d Angel stared at Cordelia. Her fists were clenched tightly at her sides, her face was scrunched up in firm determination. He didn\u2019t understand. Why was Cordelia so adamant about Buffy\u2019s role in his life? She knew that Buffy hadn\u2019t been a part of his life since he had been in LA. Angel thought back to her earlier tirade.<\/p>\n
She had started with her anger at him for abandoning her, that he understood. But, then she seemed to fixate on the idea that Buffy was the only one that could have veered him away from his path, so she\u2026Cordy wouldn\u2019t feel guilty, he realized in sudden comprehension.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia you have nothing to feel guilty about. You didn\u2019t fail me,\u201d he said gently, walking up to the tense young woman.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know that,\u201d she huffed. \u201cThere was nothing I could\u2019ve done. I\u2019m not Buffy. And I don\u2019t want to be,\u201d she gasped, trying to concentrate on her rationalization that she couldn\u2019t have saved the vampire, even if she had really tried.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd I don\u2019t want you to be,\u201d he agreed softly, tenderly brushing the hair from her face.<\/p>\n
Cordelia jerked back from his touch. Angel\u2019s presence and tender expression was making it very difficult to believe her desperate theory and she wanted to believe it. If it was true then she could exorcise all of her guilt.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia, why do you think you failed me?\u201d he asked, moving closer to the agitated young woman.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t,\u201d Cordelia repeated, trying to recapture her anger.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know, but you seem to believe that you have. Please, talk to me,\u201d Angel reached out again to caress Cordelia\u2019s face. \u201cPlease,\u201d he begged.<\/p>\n
Cordelia blinked rapidly at the vampire. His nearness and his obvious care were chipping away at her defensive posturing. She gulped in the air around her, frantically looking for anywhere to hide.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy, Please.\u201d Angel\u2019s tender voice pleaded. Angel\u2019s loving appeal demolished what was left of her anger or farfetched theory. It was her fault, not Buffy\u2019s, not anybody else\u2019s, just hers.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2026.broke my promise,\u201d she sobbed softly.<\/p>\n
Angel knew immediately what promise she was talking about. Cordelia\u2019s promise to stay at his side until Angel reached his redemption. His un-beating heart broke at her sorrowful reply. This burden she was carrying around was because of him.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, Cordelia, you didn\u2019t betray me or your promise. I pushed you away. My actions were my own fault, no one else\u2019s.\u201d He implored, needing the young girl to believe him. Angel cursed himself for his blindness to Cordelia\u2019s feelings of responsibility.<\/p>\n
He should have known that she would have blamed herself for his actions. His seer had always taken on the burden of guiding and teaching him to embrace his humanity. Angel should have known that Cordelia more than anyone, even himself, would feel the pain of his abandonment of his mission\u2019s tenets.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d Cordelia cried, shaking her head. \u201cI should have tried harder. I shouldn\u2019t have turned you away from the hospital. I abandoned you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel pulled Cordelia down to sit on the bed. \u201cNever. Cordelia, I let you down. I am truly sorry.\u201d He whispered.<\/p>\n
Cordelia continued to shake her head, the tears falling silently down her cheeks.<\/p>\n
Angel pulled her into his arms. \u201cTell me, please. Why? Cordelia, why did you try to kill yourself.\u201d Angel had to know, even though he was fearful of the answer. Angel prayed to some forgotten god that Cordelia hadn\u2019t tried to end her life over some misguided guilt over his choices.<\/p>\n
Angel had to make her believe that she wasn\u2019t the one that had made the mistakes. Cordelia had to understand that everything she had ever done for him had enabled him to appreciate and want his redemption. She was the source of his enlightenment, his renewed hope.<\/p>\n
Cordelia was exhausted. She was tired of fighting her emotions, denying Angel\u2019s concern, and her feelings of guilt. But this time, instead of giving in to the weariness and choosing against her life, she gave into to her life and her need. Cordelia sobs became louder as she curled her body closer into Angel\u2019s strong embrace.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, I’m so sorry,\u201d she choked into his broad chest.<\/p>\n
Angel rubbed his strong hands up and down her trembling back.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was just so scared and tired,\u201d she whimpered.<\/p>\n
Angel could understand those emotions. That is what he felt before he chose to give up his soul. Like, Cordelia, he had felt he had no other option available to him, the depletion of his energy and his despair had made trying to live unbearable. But, he knew why he had felt that way. What he didn\u2019t understand was why Cordelia had felt that way. Angel held her closer, using his body rather than his words to comfort her, to encourage her to speak.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was just so tired, Angel,\u201d she brought her tear stained face up to his. \u201cI was so tired of being afraid, of being alone. And then, when I saw you and Darla,\u201d Cordelia choked, lowering her head. \u201cI just knew that it was my fault. I hadn\u2019t been there for you. I stood by and let Darla and Wolfram & Hart mess with your head. I did nothing. Angel, I pushed you away in the hospital. If I just had had opened my heart, just a little. But, no, selfish, defensive, stupid, Cordelia Chase cut you off. I couldn\u2019t even fulfill my promise, what is wrong with me. Why can\u2019t I be the person that I want to be, that I am suppose to be, the one you need me to be.\u201d Cordelia cried harder into his shirt.<\/p>\n
Angel pulled Cordelia closer, molding his body around her smaller frame. He wanted, needed to pull her in to protect her frail body with his own. His hands moved frantically against her form, urging her to feel his love.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, It was my fault\u2026.\u201d She sobbed.<\/p>\n
Angel leaned away, his hands reaching up to her delicate face. He couldn\u2019t bear to hear anymore of her unjustified, unwarranted self-blame. \u201cNo, Cordelia,\u201d he whispered soothingly. \u201cIt was never your fault. It was not your responsibility. My choices were my own. You are who you are supposed to be and who I need you to be. A loving, caring, intelligent, strong woman.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d she murmured. \u201cIt was my responsibility, I am your seer. I\u2026I love you,\u201d she whispered, dropping her head in sorrow.<\/p>\n
Angel felt a sharp pain at her hushed tones. Oh god, he thought, remembering Cordelia\u2019s earlier upset words. What had she said, \u2018what was the love of a \u2018nobody\u2019 seer compared to the love of a slayer. Angel had thought he felt the pain of his undead heartbreak before, but this was a thousand times worse. Cordelia loved him and he had broken her, drove her to this point.<\/p>\n
Angel had to explain everything to the distraught girl, the girl he loved. But where to start? Angel didn\u2019t know, so he just began.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia, yes, I once did give up, because the \u2018First\u2019 led me to believe I was and would always be Angelus. Yes, Buffy, was the one that came to me and made me see that it was an external influence that had been tormenting me. Yes, I was saved because of Buffy\u2019s intervention and of course, the snow. Which, I believe now had more to do with the \u2018Powers\u2019 than Buffy. Buffy is the slayer, not miracle weather girl.\u201d He quipped trying to win a smile from the distressed young woman.<\/p>\n
Angel sighed and continued after getting no response from Cordelia. \u201c Yes, I did love Buffy. But that was over two years ago, we have both chosen different lives\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut\u2026\u201d Cordelia looked up.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat was two years ago, and a lifetime of experiences ago. Cordelia, in the last two years, I have felt more, experienced more and hoped more than I ever have in all of my entire existence, Liam, Angelus or Angel. This place with Doyle, Wesley, Gunn, even Kate, but especially you, is where I found hope, where I thought everything was possible.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut, Darla\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSh, Cordelia, let me finish,\u201d he said softly, placing a finger over her mouth. \u201cI never loved Darla, I couldn\u2019t. It was Angelus that spent 150 years with her not me. I wanted to save her, because if I saved her then that meant I could save myself, that\u2019s all. But, then Wolfram & Hart took away my chance. And I had to make a choice. The wrong one, I see that now, but still it was mine, mine alone. It had nothing to do with you.\u201d He paused as Cordelia started to move away.<\/p>\n
\u201cStop,\u201d He said lowly, pulling her back towards him. \u201cCordelia, I fired you, Wesley, Gunn because I wanted to protect your humanity. I thought you all would be tainted if you were with me, while I tried to destroy Wolfram & Hart. I was wrong; I did nothing more than damage my own humanity. And hurt you, Wesley and Gunn.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel paused. He thought back to the time that he sat in the torched room upstairs, surrendering to his exhaustion and despair.<\/p>\n
\u201cI gave in to Darla because I was tired, tired of trying for redemption. Trying for something I believed that I couldn\u2019t reach once I failed to save Darla\u2019s humanity.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s not true. You will reach your redemption.\u201d Cordelia wiped at her eyes.<\/p>\n
Angel smiled at the young girl\u2019s assertion. \u201cYou still believe it don\u2019t you?\u201d He said in tender awe.<\/p>\n
Cordelia scrunched her face in amazement. She did still believe it. After everything that had had happened she did still believe that Angel would reach his redemption. Cordelia slowly nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s why I didn\u2019t lose my soul, because you had convinced me, made me believe that I could do it. I had just forgotten that. NOT because you failed me,\u201d he emphasized. \u201cBut because I had purposely cut you off and let my obsession and need for revenge against Wolfram & Hart blind me. I was the obstacle to my redemption, not Wolfram & Hart, not Darla. I endangered my soul, not because I failed to save Darla\u2019s humanity, but because I had separated myself from humanity, from you. Cordelia, this was not your fault. It was mine.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut if I hadn\u2019t turned away\u2026\u201d Cordelia struggled.<\/p>\n
Angel stopped her with a shake of his handsome head. \u201cI can\u2019t deny that the conviction that I had destroyed your faith in me put me in the position to take advantage of want Darla had to offer, a way to escape the agony of my own actions.\u201d He paused as he felt the young woman tense in his arms.<\/p>\n
\u201cBUT, I destroyed that faith, you had no choice in the matter, I didn\u2019t give you one. I am the one that left you with\u00a0with no options. I caused this.\u201d Angel admitted.<\/p>\n
\u201cI should have \u2026\u201d She countered becoming more distraught.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia there was nothing you could have done, not because you aren\u2019t Buffy, but because I wouldn\u2019t have listened. Cordelia, you didn\u2019t leave me, remember you came to the hotel, you came after me. You didn\u2019t fail me, I failed myself and most horribly I failed you.\u201d<\/p>\n
She forcibly shook her head, not willing or able to give up her blame in the whole situation.<\/p>\n
He smiled sadly at the seer\u2019s continued self-blame. Angel didn\u2019t blame Cordelia, how could he? He knew he was at fault, but arguing the point just seemed to make Cordelia upset.<\/p>\n
He tried a different tact. \u201cYou asked how does the love of a \u2018nobody\u2019 seer compare to the love of a slayer. It doesn\u2019t\u201d Angel pulled Cordelia back to his body as she tried to scoot away, again.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere is no comparison, because the love of my beautiful special caring seer is such a unique and unexpected gift that it surpasses any love that I shared with the slayer. Buffy had the ability to take my soul, but only you had the ability to make me understand and hold on to it. My epiphany wasn\u2019t caused by Buffy, it was you.\u201d He said softly, gazing into her widening eyes. \u201cIt was the realization that not only do I need you, but that I love you.\u201d Angel confessed the one thing he had promised to keep to himself.<\/p>\n
But it was a truth, that Cordelia needed to hear and that he needed to tell.<\/p>\n