Chapter seven<\/b><\/p>\n
Angel heard Wesley and Gunn entering the hotel. They were arguing. Arguing about what to get Cordelia for her birthday and whose fault it was that they forgot.<\/p>\n
Angel opened his tightly clenched hand and stared at the box, the ribbon was ruined. He had ruined the pretty strings. Just like he ruined everything, a small tear hit the shiny paper.<\/p>\n
His head shot up. Cordelia\u2019s fragrance bowled him over. She was in the hotel. Angel stumbled to his feet, the box once again clutched in his hand. Angel ran out of the room and dashed down the stairs.<\/p>\n
He stopped as Cordelia walked past Wesley and Gunn. She stopped before him and swung at Angel. The loud smack of her fist hitting his face echoed in the now silent lobby.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf you ever do anything as stupid, as self destructive again, I will stake you myself, you won\u2019t have to worry about any death wish. Got it.\u201d Cordelia grabbed his hand and dragged the still stunned vampire to the stairs.<\/p>\n
Wesley stood motionless, his mouth gaping wide. He started as Gunn ran past him. \u201cWhere are you going?\u201d he called after the young black man.<\/p>\n
\u201cTo get Cordy a present, a big one,\u201d Gunn yelled as he tore out of the hotel.<\/p>\n
Wesley looked back up at the stairs. He really didn\u2019t think what had just happened had anything thing to do with Cordelia not getting any birthday presents. Angel had said he had gotten her one. But then again, who knew?<\/p>\n
It was better to be safe than to have an angry Cordelia. \u201cWait up,\u201d Wesley called running after Gunn.<\/p>\n
Chapter eight <\/b><\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry Cordy,\u201d Angel begged the now quiet young woman. \u201cI would have told you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia raised her brows.<\/p>\n
\u201cI would have, I just don\u2019t know when,\u201d he admitted.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, the soul thing, sooner would have been nice, but I don\u2019t know what I would have felt or done with that information. So, it probably is not a bad thing that you waited until now. Now, I know how I feel and what to do about it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd how is that?\u201d Angel asked quietly, the hope creeping into his voice.<\/p>\n
\u201cI love you, now shut up. The other little bombshell you dropped, well\u2026\u2026\u201d Cordelia paused and cradled Angel\u2019s face in her small hands.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere would have never been a good time. But, Angel don\u2019t ever lose sight of your redemption again. Don\u2019t ever risk yourself, your future, like that again. I don\u2019t care how helpless, or angry or whatever you feel, don\u2019t do it. And I will be with as long as it takes, the power\u2019s willing.\u201d Cordelia said firmly. \u201cAnd if I catch you even looking at another blonde you will be so dusted, got it. That includes live ones and dead ones.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel nodded, a beautiful smile breaking out all over his face. \u201cI love you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI love you too,\u201d Cordelia smiled widely, running into his arms.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo, what did you want to do about the soul thing.\u201d Angel grinned, pulling her body close to his.<\/p>\n
\u201cFirst my present, you said first thing this morning, it\u2019s morning.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel stepped away from the young woman. He held out his hand. \u201cIt got a little smooshed, I\u2019m sorry. I\u2026\u2026.I hope\u2026..you like it,\u201d he said hesitantly, doubt suddenly filling his body.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel,\u201d Cordelia looked puzzled at the vampire. He was scared. \u201cI\u2019m sure I will.\u201d She sat on the bed and gingerly held the small shiny silver wrapped package, its gold ribbons falling limply in her hands. \u201cYou wrapped this?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n
Angel sat next to her, reaching out and touching the ribbons. \u201cThey use to curl, honest.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh Angel, it\u2019s beautiful,\u201d she cried hugging him and kissing him.<\/p>\n
\u201cUm, Cordy, you haven\u2019t opened it, yet,\u201d he said untangling her arms from around him.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh right, silly, uh,\u201d she nervously opened the package. Cordelia carefully slid her fingernail along its side, not tearing at the paper.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy, what are you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m opening my present, jeez.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo you\u2019re not. I\u2019ve seen you open presents, before. Open it, already,\u201d Angel cried. He was both excited and scared to know what she thought about it.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut, it\u2019s pretty and you wrapped it for me,\u201d she whined.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, give me it,\u201d Angel griped, snatching the box from her hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel,\u201d Cordelia whined some more.<\/p>\n
Angel ripped the paper off the small box.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel,\u201d Cordelia cried, picking up the tossed aside ribbons.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s paper,\u201d Angel exclaimed.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s my paper, from my present, that you gave me, now shut up and give the stupid thing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not stupid.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll be the judge of that, now hand it over.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel slammed the small box in her beckoning hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cUmmph,\u201d Cordelia snorted as she opened the box. The snort died in her throat as she pulled out the necklace, her fingers traced down the chain, pulling the pendant up to her eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s an angel,\u201d Angel said unnecessarily.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know,\u201d she whispered, turning the small charm around in her fingers. Angel gave her an angel. Cordelia had been so tempted over the last two years, to buy an angel charm. She almost did once. She rationalized that it was just a symbol for Angel Investigations. But, even in her rationalizations, she knew that wouldn\u2019t be true.<\/p>\n
It would symbolize Angel pure and simple. And she hadn\u2019t the guts to buy it. It would be to weird. Too presumptuous. But, he had done it for her. Angel had seen this and gotten it for her before the dreams ever started. He had given her the symbol of himself. Cordelia thought her heart would burst.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt won\u2019t break, it\u2019s platinum. The jeweler said you could fight demons with it on. Well, actually, he didn\u2019t say that, but he said that it could withstand an active lifestyle and well we do have an active life style and all. The demons, and stuff. You don\u2019t like it.\u201d Angel said fighting down his panic. Cordelia said she loved him. It didn\u2019t matter if she didn\u2019t want to wear an angel.<\/p>\n
It was pretty stupid when he thought about it. \u201cYou can exchange it, well I\u2019m not the sure the antique store takes exchanges, But he will if I tell him too, I\u2019m sure.\u201d Angel babbled, trying to come to grip with his mixed emotions.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, shut up and put this on me now,\u201d the tears in her throat choking her words. She leaned around and pulled her hair from her neck.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou like it?\u201d he asked, the necklace dangling from his fingers. .<\/p>\n
A sob and chuckle escaped from her lips. \u201cI love it and I love you, now hurry up and put it on.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel closed the clasp around Cordelia\u2019s neck. His hands stayed to caress her skin. He leaned in to kiss her gently. The back of Cordelia\u2019s neck tingled at the moist softness. Cordelia lurched around and pushed Angel down on the bed. Her body was straddling his. \u201cMake love to me, now,\u201d she demanded, her voice low with love and desire.<\/p>\n
Angel raised his head and captured her lips as his hands traveled under her shirt. Angel growled as he felt the heat of her skin. His kiss became more demanding as the heat from her body, seeped into his soul. Cordelia moaned into his lips, his perfect lips. She relished every cool touch his hands trailed over her body.<\/p>\n
The coolness soothed her hot skin as the flames built up within her center. She pressed further into Angel, clutching at his shirt, tearing at his buttons. Cordelia was impatient to have him inside her. She knew what awaited her, and she was frantic to feel all of the pleasure that Angel ignited in her body. Angel sensed her anticipation; it mirrored his. Angel quickly removed both of their clothing.<\/p>\n
Angel poised himself over her center. \u201cCordy,\u201d he stalled. \u201cI can\u2019t\u2026..\u201d Angel struggled to contain his needs. Dreams aside, Angel knew that Cordelia hadn\u2019t been with a man for over a year and he didn\u2019t want to hurt her.<\/p>\n
\u201cNow,\u201d Cordelia urged. She forced her hips upwards, her center embracing the tip of his penis. Angel growled at the contact. He thrust hard, fully embedding himself in Cordelia\u2019s welcoming heat.<\/p>\n
Angel stilled, struggling not to lose control. But it was almost impossible. The dreams had been erotic, spectacular and intense. But this was more. This was heaven and hell intermingled and thrust together. Fire surrounded him, starting from within but seeping out of his very pores to encircle him to torture him, to promise him the bliss of paradise if he was judged worthy. He moved within the flames, each lick of heat searing his being he thrust harder and faster trying to reach the pure rapture that waited.<\/p>\n
With every deep stroke, Cordelia felt her inner body get closer too a delicious meltdown. She was poised, balancing between the burning of her blood, nerves, every cell that flowed through her and the coolness of each of Angel\u2019s thrust, the soothing balm of his hands as they caressed her skin. Cordelia clenched her eyes shut; she couldn\u2019t look at Angel anymore.<\/p>\n
All she could do was concentrate on the battle between the hot and cold, and the sparks that the fight generated on the back of her eyelids. Each of his actions increased the painful pleasure of her denotation, closer and closer to an exquisite explosion. Cordelia was impatient the pain pleasure unbearable. She couldn\u2019t stand it anymore; she needed immediate release. Cordelia grabbed at Angel\u2019s head, yanking his mouth to her breast, urging, begging him to do the one thing that would end the torturous bliss and set her free. She pushed her flesh into his mouth as she drove her hips harder into Angel.<\/p>\n
Angel had no thoughts, but to squelch the fire around him. To release both Cordelia and he. He bit into Cordelia\u2019s skin. At the first sip of her blood, his hips pounded harder. Everything that was Cordelia surrounded him, her blood, her scent, her heat, her flesh, and her love, all which pushed Angel to the edge of the precipice between heaven and hell.<\/p>\n
Cordelia cried out, gasping at the air, holding on to Angel for her very life as they both dove then flew into their joined bliss.<\/p>\n
Cordelia\u2019s limp body sunk deeper into the mattress as Angel\u2019s heavy body fell onto hers. They stayed like that for a moment. Both, trying to regain any semblance of consciousness. They clutched at each other trying to establish proof that they were real, that their love was real and that they were still alive.<\/p>\n
Cordelia was the first to move. Her head nuzzled into the crook of Angel\u2019s neck. Her head rubbing, her mouth kissing and murmuring soft words.<\/p>\n
The breath on his neck, the feel of Cordelia\u2019s damp silky hair caressing his skin, brought movement to Angel\u2019s limbs. Angel held Cordelia close as he turned them both over, relieving Cordelia of his greater weight. Cordelia let out an another breath and draped herself down on Angel. Her arms and legs flayed out over his body. Her face still caressing Angel\u2019s skin.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis isn\u2019t a dream, is it?\u201d Cordelia whispered.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u2019 Angel said lowly.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t think so,\u201d she signed. Her intake of breath pushed her further into Angel\u2019s chest. \u201cYou know, dreams are overrated, real stuff is so much\u2026\u2026more,\u201d she said decisively.<\/p>\n
Angel\u2019s hands crept up to Cordelia\u2019s face. He brushed back the dark strands that covered her face and stared memorized by the love in her eyes. Angel smiled. \u201cYes.\u201d He agreed simply, bringing his lips to hers in a soft gentle kiss.<\/p>\n
Cordelia smiled into his kiss. She leaned up, her fingers reaching for the angel charm. She wrinkled her face trying to see how it looked on her. Cordelia humphed, still straining to look at the necklace. \u201cI can\u2019t tell, how does it look?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBeautiful,\u201d Angel\u2019s eyes never left Cordelia\u2019s face.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe necklace,\u201d Cordelia blushed and huffed at the same time.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh,\u201d Angel lifted the charm and dropped it against her skin, his fingers caressing the surrounding skin. \u201cIt\u2019s pretty, too.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel\u2019s eyes and fingers trailed down to trace the wounds on Cordelia\u2019s breast. A slight frown formed on his face. Angel hadn\u2019t meant to bite her, he had wanted to prove his last drawing false. But the need to possess all of Cordelia had been too great. Her heat, her love had brought forth his demon. And at the moment before he tasted her, Angel had felt her desire and willingness. But now, seeing the wounds his doubts began to resurface again.<\/p>\n
Cordelia\u2019s eyes followed his fingers. She turned even redder at the sight of the puncture marks.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou so need a mirror in here,\u201d she grumbled moving away from Angel.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia,\u2026..\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s a mirror in the bathroom,\u201d she interrupted. \u201cI want to see my necklace.\u201d She started to jump off the bed. Cordelia didn\u2019t want to talk about the bites. It was too embarrassing. She had practically forced him to bite. Cordelia reached on the floor for Angel\u2019s shirt. Her hand bypassed the material to land on a piece of heavy paper.<\/p>\n
Cordelia stood up, staring at the picture. \u201cI don\u2019t look like this.\u201d She said in awe.<\/p>\n
Angel tensed and said nothing. He had hidden all his sketches or so he had thought.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen did you draw this?\u201d Cordelia asked still staring at the paper.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhich is it?\u201d Angel finally said, holding out his hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s more?\u201d Cordelia eyes widened at the vampire.<\/p>\n
\u201cI did several after each dream.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia studied the picture some more. Her obvious pleasured face and form dominated the page, but once she looked past that she saw the background. \u201cThe third dream,\u201d she said recognizing the floor of her apartment. \u201cI want to see the others,\u201d she said suddenly.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia,\u201d Angel hesitated.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou read my journal. Don\u2019t think I forgot that invasion of privacy. Just because I haven\u2019t expressed my displeasure at that little tidbit, doesn\u2019t mean I can\u2019t or won\u2019t,\u201d Cordelia promised. \u201cI want to see the rest.\u201d She demanded.<\/p>\n
Angel gulped. He had hoped with all of his other bombshells, that particular transaction had been forgotten. Angel should have known better. He slowly got off the bed and went to his bottom drawer. He handed her the stack of sketches.<\/p>\n
Cordelia plopped on the floor as she went through the stack. \u201cWhat the\u2026.Oh, my god\u2026..This is how you saw me?\u201d She said stunned. In every drawing, Angel had used simple lines, and subtle shading to make her more beautiful than any Hollywood makeup artist could ever do.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s what you look like. You\u2019re beautiful, more beautiful than I can put on paper.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia raised her brows in doubt. \u201cYou aren\u2019t in any\u2026\u2026.\u201d She stopped and stared at the last picture in her hand. \u201cThis is not right,\u201d she stammered. \u201cThis is not what happened,\u201d She shook her head as she stared at the picture. \u201cThis is not you.\u201d She jabbed forcibly at the picture of the grotesque vampire.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes. That\u2019s what I am.\u201d Angel said simply.<\/p>\n
\u201cA vampire yes, but that no.\u201d Cordelia shook her head firmly.<\/p>\n
Cordelia was on the bed, her breast bloodied, her skin torn. A vampire was leaning over her body. Angel, but it wasn\u2019t Angel. The vampire was menacing, dangerous, and vile.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, this isn\u2019t really how you see yourself, is it?\u201d she begged.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia, I\u2026\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, you\u2019re not a monster. This is.\u201d She said pointing again to the picture. \u201cSo, you fed in your dream, it was a dream. It was an amazing dream for me at least. You obviously have some major hang ups about it, though. Gee, I\u2019m the one that should be all wigged out not you.\u201d Cordelia paused, \u201cif you felt this way, why did you do it, this time for real? Oh, and by the way, you didn\u2019t look like this.\u201d Cordelia added firmly and knowingly. She waited for Angel\u2019s answer.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia, I did turn,\u201d Angel corrected her last statement.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, your eyes changed to a deep gold, the bumpy things came out doing a number on your hairline, and the pointy teeth definitely made an appearance. But, it was different than this. This is just gross,\u201d Cordelia shook her head at the picture in her hand. \u201cYou weren\u2019t gross, just \u2018grry\u2019.\u201d She shrugged. \u201cSo, why did you do it?\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel studied Cordelia. He almost believed that she really didn\u2019t see him as a demon or rather; she didn\u2019t see him as a monstrous one, just a \u2018grry\u2019 one.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou were wigged out.\u201d He said, not knowing what else to say.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen?\u201d she challenged.<\/p>\n
\u201cAfter the dream,\u201d he claimed.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat wasn\u2019t for you to read,\u201d Cordelia glared. \u201cBut, you did, ignoring Dennis\u2019 warnings, threatening him, for that alone I should yell\u2026\u2026.Yes, Dennis spilled, or wrote rather.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel winced. He should have exorcised that snitch ghost.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut you did read through it\u2026..and all you came up with was I was wigged?\u201d Cordelia continued, questioning.<\/p>\n
Angel cautiously shrugged. Actually, that wasn\u2019t all he came up with. The rest was what had enabled him to have the hope and nerve to tell and show Cordelia how he felt about her.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, of course I was shocked. I grew up on the hellmouth; getting bit by a vampire was the big classic \u2018no no\u2019, usually ending in death. Not, pleasure. Man,\u201d she trailed off, thinking.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d Angel asked nervously in her silence.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat? Oh,\u201d Cordelia said bringing her focus back to Angel. \u201cThe bite thing, is it always like that? I mean is it some sort of talent all \u2018grr\u2019 guys have, cuz if it is then it a good thing it\u2019s not well known, otherwise, people would be lining up just to get snacked on.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordy, what are you talking about?\u201d Sometimes, Cordelia really confused him.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe high, the pleasure, the intensity,\u201d she recited. \u201cDoes that always happen? I mean, if that yucky Winters vamp and I had done it, and he bit me, would I have felt the same things.\u201d Cordelia scrunched up her face. \u201cThat can\u2019t be right, that would\u2019ve just been gross and I would\u2019ve been dead. Right, or is it a vamp sex thing?\u201d This is so weird\u201d<\/p>\n
Weird it was crazy, Angel thought. The workings of Cordelia\u2019s mind didn\u2019t only confuse him, but sometimes down right scared him. \u201cWhat?\u201d he asked fearfully, not at all sure he wanted to know what she meant.<\/p>\n
Cordelia humphed, she had thought she was being clear. \u201cIf I had sex with a vampire, not you, but another one and he fed off me, would I\u2026\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNever,\u201d Angel growled.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, I\u2019m not actually planning on doing it. I was just wondering. Jeez.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia,\u201d Angel exclaimed in exasperation. \u201cVampire\u2019s don\u2019t snack, they feed, feed to the last drop.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou didn\u2019t.\u201d she countered.<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course, I didn\u2019t, I don\u2019t do that anymore, soul remember.\u201d Angel\u2019s head was starting to really hurt.<\/p>\n
\u201cReally,\u201d she raised an elegant brow and pointed to her breast. \u201cBlood sucked.\u201d Daring him to contradict her logic.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t feed, we were making love,\u201d he defended and explained at the same time.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo, it is a sex blood thing,\u201d she nodded. \u201cWhich still begs the question, is it like that with other vamps? Was it the same with you and Buffy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNever mind,\u201d Cordelia yelped as Angel squeaked out a loud \u201cBuffy, NO.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cordelia glared at Angel\u2019s shocked tone. At first, after she had realized what she asked she had immediately regretted it, a detailed accounting of Buffy and Angel\u2019s sex life was not a subject that she wanted to discuss.<\/p>\n
Especially, not sitting naked on Angel\u2019s floor, after making mind blowing, body burning love to the vampire. But now, because Cordelia was sitting on the floor naked with two holes in her breast, she did.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy not?\u201d she demanded. \u201cYou had sex with her, Angelus ringing any bells?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI could never bite Buffy,\u201d he said still shocked. Angel thought his head would explode. What had started out as a nice, sane, potentially angst filled conversation had turned into the bizarre.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy not?\u201d Cordelia asked in an irritated tone.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt would\u2019ve been wrong, so wrong\u201d. Angel exclaimed, still completely confused and appalled at the idea that he would ever have bitten Buffy. \u201cI couldn\u2019t let that ever touch her,\u201d he jabbed at the picture he drew of his demon.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, you couldn\u2019t let that suck Buffy, but you could poke holes in me. How\u2019d I get so lucky.\u201d She spit.<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia,\u201d Angel exclaimed, hurt by her tone. Angel didn\u2019t have a clue how their conversation had deteriorated into this.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, Angel explain to me why Miss Slayette couldn\u2019t be \u2018touched\u2019 by your demon, but I could. Why is it that you could let that feed off me,\u201d she demanded pointing at the picture.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou said that you didn\u2019t see me like that,\u201d Angel choked.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut, you see yourself like that, obviously something that Buffy,\u201d Cordelia hissed, \u201cneeded to be protected or kept away from. But not me. What? Why? Oh, never mind, I know. Buffy was Buffy, don\u2019t do anything to upset her, we can\u2019t upset the almighty wonderful slayer.\u201d Cordelia started to get up.<\/p>\n
Angel shot out his hand, pulling the angry young woman down. Cordelia was livid, but she was angry at the very fact that made Angel know that they were soul mates. He had to make her understand.<\/p>\n
Angel stared as the woman squirmed angrily before him; her eyes had dropped to her fidgeting hands during his prolonged silence. They had managed to go full circle, starting with his insecurities and ending with hers. Which would be fine, if anything had actually been said, during the verbal merry-go-round. Angel wondered if they would ever have a conversation, like normal people, but then again, they weren\u2019t normal.<\/p>\n
Personally, he wouldn\u2019t mind being normal, but not Cordelia. He wouldn\u2019t change a thing about his seer. Nothing. Because, the one thing that he did discover during her angry rants was that his doubts and fears regarding his demon didn\u2019t exist for Cordelia. She hadn\u2019t been mad that he bit her, just that he hadn\u2019t bit Buffy. Which was slightly confusing to him, but mostly Angel was amazed, gratified and very happy.<\/p>\n
\u201cI tasted your blood, because I could,\u201d he tried to explain.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat is that suppose to mean?\u201d Cordelia cut in. \u201cYou loved Buffy. And god, how we all suffered that version of the greatest love story of all time. But you couldn\u2019t \u2018soil\u2019 her\u2026\u2026\u201d Cordelia grunted in disgust.<\/p>\n
\u201cSoil?\u201d Angel\u2019s happy moment plummeted.<\/p>\n
\u201cSoil,\u201d she yelled. \u201cYou obviously, don\u2019t think it\u2019s a good thing to do,\u201d Cordelia yelled, pointed to the picture, \u201cor you wouldn\u2019t have drawn yourself as the star vamp of a B horror movie. Or be so appalled that I even suggested that you showed your true nature to Saint Buffy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel was angry, Cordelia was being obtuse. \u201c I loved Buffy very much. She was the first person that gave me hope. I wanted to touch her, to make love to her. And she allowed me. My demon wanted to taste her that night, to possess her, to experience every part of her, to not only be inside her, but to have her inside of me\u2026\u2026..<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t,\u201d Cordelia choked. A sharp blade sliced through her anger and embedded itself in Cordelia\u2019s stomach as she saw the sadness in Angel\u2019s eyes, created by the memory. She couldn\u2019t take it. Cordelia wasn\u2019t sure what Angel\u2019s purpose was in saying all of this. But she didn\u2019t want to find out. All Cordelia wanted to do was hit something, but mainly she wanted run, curl up and die.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t,\u201d Angel stated, ignoring Cordelia\u2019s gasp. Angel was just talking now. It wasn\u2019t angry, or even an explanation. It was just a desperate monologue. It was as if once he started, he couldn\u2019t stop.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was able to control my instincts with Buffy. I had to. She wouldn\u2019t have understood or allowed me too take that final step which would have exposed what I really was. It wasn\u2019t her fault. She tried to accept me. But, she is the Slayer. Vampires are her natural enemy. And she couldn\u2019t acknowledge that I was something that every instinct in her body told her to kill. I was\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026am a vampire. I tried to forget that in her arms. For her I denied who I was. Which was okay, I foolishly thought I could. And, I wasn\u2019t about to ruin our love by allowing my instincts to take over. It wasn\u2019t that hard and I did have my joy. To the regret of everyone\u201d Angel said bitterly.<\/p>\n
\u201cAngelus, my being a vampire, it was too much to ask of her. Buffy is amazing and giving, but she just wasn\u2019t capable of that sort of unconditional love, not with me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou loved her that way,\u201d Cordelia said in a small voice, the knife obliterating what was left of her anger, leaving nothing but pain and sorrow. \u201cYou still do. Why did you give me this?\u201d Cordelia fingered the small angel around her neck. The tears welled up, filling her beautiful sad eyes.<\/p>\n
Angel stared at the crying young girl. Angel remembered back to a dark night, what seemed to be a lifetime ago. He was standing on the dock, Buffy facing him. Her eyes large with tears. His heart breaking. They were saying what they thought was goodbye. Angel saw himself give Buffy the Claddagh ring, a symbol from his past, of what he had been once.<\/p>\n
Angel looked to Cordelia\u2019s small fist, clenching at the angel pendant. Another gift, another symbol, but not one for goodbye, or a memory from a long dead mortal Irish young man. No, the angel symbolized who he was now, who he had become. His future. And Angel had given it Cordelia. He smiled no longer lost in old memories, only hoping for the rest of his existence.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, Cordelia. I thought I did. But, how do you love someone unconditionally when you know that there are limits to their love? I hadn\u2019t wanted to admit that Buffy\u2019s and my love with less than perfect. But how could it be, when she couldn\u2019t truly accept what I was. How could I love her unconditionally, knowing that I had to always hide my true nature from her? I know that everyone that experienced Buffy and I thought we were the ultimate example of the star cross lovers, soul mates destined to be apart, but to always be in love.<\/p>\n
But we weren\u2019t, we were just each other\u2019s first love. The type that burns bright and furious, but wanes in time, leaving nothing in its wake but bittersweet memories. No, true love is the unconditional love that is almost impossible to find. The one where your soul mate knows you, truly knows you and accepts and loves you anyway.\u201d Angel smiled at Cordelia.<\/p>\n
\u201cI think you just heard my third epiphany, or maybe it was really the first. The one that allowed me to recognize and hope for what has been in front of me for over two years.\u201d<\/p>\n
The knife loosened in Cordelia\u2019s belly. Angel was trying to tell her something. But she was having a real hard time figuring it all out. Probably, because she spent the last two years learning how to decipher his grunts, growls and long silences. But all the talking? Why couldn\u2019t he just glare and brood, she knew that stuff. Cordelia thought she understood, but she couldn\u2019t be sure.<\/p>\n
Cordelia scrunched up her face. \u201cI don\u2019t understand.\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel growled. He knew there was a reason he didn\u2019t like have long involved speeches. Too easily misunderstood or messed up. Actions were so much better.<\/p>\n
\u201cStop,\u201d Cordelia pointed at the approaching vampire. \u201cI understood that,\u201d she grinned happily.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do you understand?\u201d Angel growled, moving her hand aside as he crawled, his arms going around her body trapping her.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat you trust me to love you and all the \u2018grr\u2019 stuff that goes along with who, not what, you are. That we\u2019re really soul mates.\u201d She said smugly, pleased that Angel finally had growled what she needed to hear.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy you couldn\u2019t have said that in short, grunts and growls and long broody silences, I\u2019ll never know. You had me worried there for awhile,\u201d she humphed, her red eyes evidence of how much of an understatement that was.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2026..\u201d Angel gave up. \u201cI love you,\u201d he growled again, sticking to what he did best.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know,\u201d she said happily, pulling the vampire into her arms. \u201cSee how easy that was,\u201d she said as she captured his lips.<\/p>\n
Epilogue<\/b><\/p>\n
\u201cI guess we should get up.\u201d Cordelia said. The young woman was sprawled over Angel, his hands still caressing at her sides.<\/p>\n
\u201cMmmm,\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAngel, we left Wesley and Gunn downstairs, like hours ago, Eek,\u201d she squealed. \u201cWhat they must think? I\u2019m just glad that you\u2019re good at this,\u201d she humphed, staring at the new puncture wounds below her early ones.<\/p>\n
Angel arched an amused brow.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, well, you\u2019re good at that to, but what I meant was, I\u2019m glad you didn\u2019t ruin my neckline. It\u2019s California, I don\u2019t own many turtlenecks, I would much rather explain the whole soul bit, and love stuff to the guys, than the \u2018grr\u2019 hickeys.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo would I,\u201d Angel acknowledged.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t think she actually dusted him to do?\u201d An anxious Gunn asked Wesley.<\/p>\n
Wesley stopped his movements. \u201cNo,\u201d he said after some serious thought. \u201cAre you done, yet?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGood, now we wait.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s had him up there an awful long time,\u201d Gunn renewed his earlier nervousness.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, just be glad it wasn\u2019t one of us.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTrue, so true.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWait. I think I hear a door opening. Hurry,\u201d Wesley cried. \u201cHide.\u201d<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
\u201cSo, they\u2019re still here,\u201d Cordelia asked. \u201cI mean can you super vamp hear them?\u201d<\/p>\n
Angel nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cDarn.\u201d She huffed. Cordelia wanted more alone time with Angel.<\/p>\n
Angel hid his smile and allowed Cordelia to pass him on the stairwell.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Cordelia stood in the darkened lobby. Where were Gunn and Wesley? Angel said that he heard them.<\/p>\n
\u201cSurprise,\u201d Gunn and Wesley jumped out. Lights flashed on. Balloons and streamers fell from the ceiling.<\/p>\n
\u201cHappy Birthday,\u201d the duo sang, shoving presents in front of the stunned young woman.<\/p>\n
\u201cUm, my birthday was last month,\u201d she reminded them, her brow\u2019s raised.<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course, it was,\u201d Wesley agreed. \u201cBut, if we had done this then, you wouldn\u2019t have been surprised. Surprise,\u201d he said again encouragingly.<\/p>\n
\u201cRight,\u201d Cordelia brows raised even higher. \u201cOh, never mind\u2026I couldn\u2019t be mad at you, Mr. Eager Beaver Research Spell guy,\u201d she laughed hugging Wesley. \u201cI should thank you and not just for this. But, this is great. Thanks.\u201d She giggled.<\/p>\n
Wesley gasped at her tight hold. His puzzled eyes shot towards Angel. Angel just shrugged. A broad smile on his face.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey, what about me, I went blue puffing on those balloons,\u201d interjected Gunn.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you, too\u201d<\/p>\n
Wesley sighed in relief as Cordelia released him and ran to hug the young black man. At his freedom, Wesley went over next to Angel. \u201cI see she is in a much more congenial mood than earlier. I must comment, we were getting a tad worried.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEverything is wonderful.\u201d Angel said simply. Wesley raised his brows.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis was a good save,\u201d Angel commented, not offering anymore explanation as to what happened between he and Cordelia. He wanted this moment to be just about her.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, well\u2026.\u201d Wesley took his glasses off and rubbed his face. \u201cWe thought it was for the best. I wouldn\u2019t have wanted to be on the receiving end of Cordy\u2019s right cross or in your shoes when she had you alone, I imagine it wasn\u2019t pleasant. I take it she didn\u2019t like her present. \u201d Wesley couldn\u2019t keep the curiosity out of his voice.<\/p>\n
Angel smiled as he watched Cordelia tear into her presents from Wesley and Gunn. \u201cShe\u2026\u2026.\u201d Angel turned as he caught a familiar scent on Wesley. It was familiar but didn\u2019t belong to Wesley. Angel eye\u2019s shot towards the young black man who was handing Cordelia presents as fast as she could ooh and ahh.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, Wes, I imagine you wouldn\u2019t have wanted to be with Cordelia in my room,\u201d acknowledged Angel. Angel smiled, slapping Wesley on the back, leaving a puzzled Wesley staring after him.<\/p>\n
The End<\/b><\/p>\n