Chapter three <\/b><\/p>\n
Angel\u2019s hand finally stopped. He looked around at the scattered pages on the floor then back at the finished sketch on his lap. His fingers traced the delicate lines.<\/p>\n
Why? This was not right. He quickly got up and gathered all the pictures together. He stalled, holding the papers over the trash can. Angel looked again at the works of art. They were the best drawings he ever had done.<\/p>\n
Angel stood undecided. They were wrong, disturbing and beautiful, he couldn\u2019t destroy them. With a shake of his head, he hid the drawings in his bottom dresser drawer. Angel had to get out of the room.<\/p>\n
Wesley was still reading at his desk.<\/p>\n
\u201cHas\u2026\u2026Cordelia called,\u201d Angel hesitated. He felt somewhat uneasy saying her name. But he was worried. It had been hours since he had left his message.<\/p>\n
\u201cUm, \u201c Wesley jumped.<\/p>\n
Angel smiled. Wesley hadn\u2019t been reading he had been sleeping. \u201cWhat? The sleep god, put you to sleep?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course not, I was just resting my eyes.\u201d Wesley defended righteously.<\/p>\n
Angel raised his brows. \u201cDid she call?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d Wesley got up and tried to hide his yawn. \u201cI think I will go home now. I\u2019m sure Cordelia is fine.\u201d He added.<\/p>\n
Angel just nodded. He wasn\u2019t so sure.<\/p>\n
As soon as Wesley left, Angel went back to the phone. Still no answer. Either, Cordelia wasn\u2019t at home, which wasn\u2019t right, not if she wasn\u2019t feeling well. And if she was home and not answering the phone, something must be wrong, Angel decided. He couldn\u2019t just sit here and wonder. Angel grabbed his coat.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
\u201cCordelia,\u201d Angel knocked loudly on her apartment door. \u201cDennis,\u201d he called after getting no answer.. The ghost always let Angel in when Cordelia wasn\u2019t home or sleeping. Dennis seemed to take pity on Angel\u2019s need to be assured of Cordelia\u2019s safety.<\/p>\n
Not that Angel asked Dennis to perform that task often, well not that often, because if Cordelia ever found out both her dead roommate and dead boss would really wish that they were oblivious dead, not just differing variations of the un-dead.<\/p>\n
The door slowly opened. Angel stalked in. \u201cThanks Dennis. Where\u2019s Cordelia?\u201d he asked impatiently. A soft sweatshirt flew towards Angel\u2019s head. Angel studied the garment. \u201cShe\u2019s at the gym?\u201d he asked, reading the emblem on the shirt. \u201cBut she doesn\u2019t feel well,\u201d he argued. The ghost tossed the shirt back up in Angel\u2019s face.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay, okay,\u201d Angel conceded. Dennis obviously thought Cordelia was at the gym. But that didn\u2019t make any sense. Why would Cordelia be at the gym? If she wasn\u2019t feeling well, she should be home not working out. If she wasn\u2019t sick, then she lied to Wesley. But that didn\u2019t make sense either, Wesley or Angel wouldn\u2019t care if she wanted to take time to go to the gym. Something was not right.<\/p>\n
Angel looked around. Nothing seemed out of place, there was no sign of struggle. He went into her bedroom. Angel stood in the middle of the room taking an unnecessary breath swallowing the fragrance of the room. Cordelia\u2019s scent was all over the apartment, but it was concentrated in this room. He could practically taste its flavor in the air. Angel started as an object was shoved under the bed.<\/p>\n
Angel swiftly moved. He grabbed at the object. It was a notebook, one that Dennis didn\u2019t want him too see. The book kept inching away from Angel\u2019s grasp.<\/p>\n
\u201cDennis,\u201d Angel commanded. \u201cIf that has anything to do with where Cordelia is, hand it over now.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cKill me.\u201d The ghost whined on the mirror with lipstick. Angel knew that the ghost was not daring him, but expressing a worry about Cordelia\u2019s reaction. Which made the vampire more anxious to see what the notebook contained.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll let Wesley exorcise you, you know he wants to.\u201d Angel threatened.<\/p>\n
\u201cWill not,\u201d the writing challenged.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, I will. Cordelia won\u2019t even know until it\u2019s too late.\u201d Angel promised.<\/p>\n
\u201cMad,\u201d the lipstick warned.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe, but I\u2019ll deal with it. You will be gone.\u201d<\/p>\n
The small book flew into the vampire\u2019s hands. Angel sighed in relief. He had been bluffing; Angel couldn\u2019t even contemplate Cordelia\u2019s rage, if Angel had actually lost his mind enough to exorcise the ghost. And even if he had, Angel would never have been able to convince Wesley to face her resulting rampage.<\/p>\n
Dennis slammed door. Leaving in a huff, after coming to the same conclusion.<\/p>\n
Angel settled on the bed, turning the book over in his hands. Maybe, he shouldn\u2019t do this. Dennis had seemed pretty adamant that Cordelia wouldn\u2019t want Angel to see it. Maybe it was personal, a diary. Angel hesitated, then opened the book.<\/p>\n
Dennis also implied that whatever was in there had something to do with where Cordelia was. And finding that out was more pressing than Cordelia\u2019s sure to be anger at Angel\u2019s violation of her privacy. And anyway, she may never discover it, he thought hopefully. He started to read.<\/p>\n
The first page was dated May 29th.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Well, it all started on my birthday, actually the night before.. Which no one remembered, by the way. I knew I should have re-programmed the hotel\u2019s security system\u2026\u2026.<\/i><\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Damn, Angel growled as a sinking feeling centered in deep in his gut. Damn, damn, damn, he thought over and over again. He pictured Cordelia punching in numbers of the old office\u2019s security code, chattering how Angel would always have to remember her birthday.<\/p>\n
May 22nd, that was almost a month ago. He meant to remember, really he did, but he had become preoccupied. Cordelia must be livid. But she wasn\u2019t or at least she didn\u2019t seem to be. He would have expected the Hotel to have been burnt to the ground on May 23 or some sort of maiming or dismemberment to his being.<\/p>\n
But nothing, no snide remarks, no hurt pouting, nothing. In fact, she just seemed to be uncomfortable around him. Oh lord, Angel worried, maybe she was too upset to be mad. Maybe, she was uncomfortable around him, because she hated him. But that didn\u2019t seem right either. He would know if she hated him. Wouldn\u2019t he? Puzzled, Angel looked back at the notebook, there was only one way to find out. He started to read again.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
\u2026Oh well, this isn\u2019t supposed to be a bitch journal. But a recording of the dreams\u2026..Like I was saying they started on my birthday. I know, I\u2019m suppose to write in this stupid book right after each dream, now. I didn\u2019t then. So, I\u2019ll just recap. In the first one, I was in the hotel, sitting at the desk. Angel came in. He had been out, doing who knows what, probably killing something yucky. I was excited, it was my birthday, I remember thinking that he was going to give me a birthday present\u2026.I\u2019m not bitching, that\u2019s what I thought \u2026\u2026.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
\nXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX<\/b><\/i> <<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Angel skipped the next section. It had been heavily crossed out. Cordelia had been having dreams that had started weeks ago. Dreams that she felt she needed to record. Dreams that had him in them. Or was he just in the first one? What had he done in the dream? Angel turned to the next page.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Jeez, this is harder than I thought\u2026..I don\u2019t know why. It\u2019s not like anyone will ever read this, but me. Still\u2026\u2026. <\/i><\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Angel glanced up guiltily. He really shouldn\u2019t be reading this. But, he had to know what Cordelia had dreamed.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
But\u2026..I was at my desk waiting for Angel to give me my present. But he didn\u2019t give me a present. He\u2026\u2026he touched me. His hand was cool, strong. It traveled down my arm. Next thing, I\u2019m on the desk, nude. Angel is over me, not nude. I try to touch him, but I couldn\u2019t reach him. Which was weird, because he could touch me\u2026\u2026And boy, did he touch me. His hands caressed at my skin, never stopping. I still can feel the tingling of my flesh. It was cold, it was hot. His mouth\u2026..Oh god, his mouth. His tongue swirled around my nipple. I can feel the moistness\u2026..or was that from last night\u2019s dream. Or maybe from one of the other\u2019s, who knows anymore\u2026.It\u2019s all a blur, one big mind-blowing blur. Oh, this has got to stop. I can barely look at him anymore. This stupid journal thing better work, I\u2019m going crazy\u2026\u2026.XXXXXX<\/b> Oh, this recapping idea isn\u2019t working. XXXXXX<\/b> Okay, last night\u2019s dream. Hotel again, but not in the lobby. This time Angel\u2019s bedroom, not the first time there, but the first time chained to the bed\u2026\u2026<\/i><\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
The small book dropped to the floor. Angel stared at the written words leaping off the pages at him. They had a life of their own, beckoning him, drawing him back to them. He gulped and leaned tentatively down to pick the book up.<\/p>\n
Scared of the power of those words, the imagines that they created, and mostly the feelings that they evoked in him.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Wow, that was hard to write. But nothing happened, the earth didn\u2019t open up. No one pointing a finger and shouting pervert. But, damn\u2019t I don\u2019t want to be chained up. Nope. Don\u2019t. I don\u2019t care how sexually frustrated I am. No chaining for me. That stupid book, says that having sex dreams could be the subconscious compensating for a lack of sex in daily life\u2026..Well, duh. I\u2019m certainly lacking. But why chains? And WHY ANGEL? Sure, the book says it\u2019s normal to dream about the people in your life. So why not Wesley or Gunn or hell, anybody\u2026\u2026.
\n<\/i><\/p>\n
***
\n<\/i><\/p>\n
An involuntarily growl emerged deep within Angel\u2019s throat as Angel came to the end of the page. Wesley, Gunn, \u201cNever,\u201d he growled out loud, not even realizing that he made a sound.\u00a0
\n<\/i><\/p>\n
***
\n<\/i><\/p>\n
Sorry, I had a fit of the giggles. Wesley\u2026..I can see it now. Me chained spread eagled on the bed, waiting patiently as Wesley finished the chapter on domination and submission in some ancient sex journal. Too funny. XXXX<\/b> Oh, this is crazy. But the book said to write everything in the dream. So here goes. I just hope, if I ever die, Dennis will burn this\u2026..Though, I guess I don\u2019t really have to worry about my mother going through my stuff. And if I\u2019m dead, I won\u2019t have to face Angel, so here goes.XXXX<\/b> Oh god, how am I going to go into work today. I can do it. I just can\u2019t go up to Angel\u2019s room. Nope, \u2018grr\u2019 guy is going to have to get his own blood today. No fetching and carrying for me. I think I would die if I had to see that bed\u2026.XXXXXX<\/b> I\u2019m rambling. Take a deep breath and write. Chained to the bed. Angel is in between my legs, his face so close. I can feel his breath. I know he doesn\u2019t breathe. But I can feel the air leaving his mouth, blowing on my center. Not to cool, but to heat. There are flames building in my belly. His damn hands again are touching me, they won\u2019t leave me alone. They\u2019re everywhere. I fight against the restraints. Did I mention that the wrist straps are leather, soft, supple, not hurting, but frustrating, preventing me from touching. I felt so helpless, well actually I didn\u2019t. Weird, uh. I felt so alive, so strong, so like I was going to burn in flames and die. Then I did die. Not literally or anything, but I know my heart stopped. It did, I swear. It was his mouth that did it that time\u2026\u2026XXXXX<\/b> Well, that pretty much covers everything. I was ravished by my best friend, while chained to a bed and loved every minute of it. I am so going to hell.<\/i>
\n<\/i><\/p>\n
***
\n<\/i><\/p>\n
Angel quickly turned the pages, his eyes scanned all of the other entries, one for every night since the 29th. They were all the same.<\/p>\n
Well, not the same, but they each recounted Cordelia\u2019s dreams. Dreams of Angel making love to her, bringing her to ecstasy in every conceivable manner, in every possible location. Angel gripped at the pillow that had some how gotten into his hands. Cordelia\u2019s scent intermingled with the power of her words. Angel was going insane.<\/p>\n
He had to get out of there, before he exploded. But there was one last entry, today\u2019s. Angel wasn\u2019t sure if he had the control to read anymore, but he had to know what Cordelia had dreamed last night, that made her unable to face him.<\/i><\/p>\n
Because, Angel was sure that was what happened. It was written through all of her journal. Each passage described a more intense, erotic encounter between the two of them and after each one she claimed that she couldn\u2019t wouldn\u2019t be able to face him at work.<\/p>\n
Well, she didn\u2019t come into work today; she wasn\u2019t returning Angel\u2019s messages. She was hiding from him. Angel had a sinking suspicion why and what happened, but he had to make sure.
\n<\/i><\/p>\n
June 12<\/i>
\n<\/i><\/p>\n
Okay, it\u2019s official\u2026.I\u2019m nuts. Last night, Angel bit me, not a little bite. But two big old holes right smack on my breast. And then, he drank, sucked blood right out of my body\u2026.. XXXXXX<\/b><\/i><\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
The sinking suspicion in the pit of Angel\u2019s stomach grew into a sharp pain. He had been right. Angel forced himself to read the rest of Cordelia\u2019s reaction. Steeling himself for her disgust.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Angel is a VAMPIRE!!!. Okay, that\u2019s not a surprise. I knew that\u2026..I\u2019ve seen his \u2018grr\u2019 expression, I\u2019ve made his blood cocktails, but when in the hell, did I start to want to become his drink of choice. XXXXXX<\/b> Oh god, the dream was so real and so\u2026\u2026so\u2026..XXXXXXX<\/b> Oh, I\u2019m so warped. First, the chains, now this. The stupid book said that vampires in dreams represented powerful and evil creatures that mean all sorts of bad thoughts and feelings of helplessness. Helplessness? Well, maybe\u2026.. and the chained sex romp may have meant the same thing. <\/i><\/p>\n
Am I helpless? XXXXXX<\/b> Well, other than not being able to stop dreaming about Angel, I don\u2019t think I\u2019m helpless. The stupid writer probably never met a vampire, much less one with a soul. Powerful and Evil? Powerful, sure, but evil? Angel isn\u2019t evil, he isn\u2019t even mean and honestly, I never feel helpless when I\u2019m with Angel. I mean sure\u00a0he’s\u00a0stronger, but he doesn\u2019t make me feel helpless, like he is going to hurt\u00a0me or anything. Not, even dream Angel, with the chains and wicked overbite. I mean it was Angel. I trust him. I lXXXI<\/b> like him, a lot. The real Angel, I mean. Well, the other one too. It\u2019s not like I dreamed of a strange vampire. No, the idiot that wrote that book doesn\u2019t have a clue what he was talking about. I\u2019m not helpless, just crazy, and majorly frustrated, that\u2019s all. <\/i><\/p>\n
But Angel bit me and I XXXXXX<\/b> God, it was so amazing. I blacked out. Went in nerve crashing, sensual overload. XXXXXX<\/b> I wonder if it would be like that with a real vampire. XXXXXX<\/b> Not worth the risk. All the others would just kill me. Angel is the only souled vamp that I know and I can\u2019t very well go up to him\u2026..Hi Angel, mind sucking my blood while rubbing your hands all over my body and pounding into me with your\u2026..oh could I just go in a hole a die, now. This is so sick. Damn, I do have a death wish. Knock, knock, Angelus reminder. XXXXXXX<\/b> OH THIS HAS GOT TO STOP!!!! He is driving me crazy. I can\u2019t see him. I AM not going into work, no way. XXXXXXX<\/b> <\/i><\/p>\n
Okay, obviously, it has been way too long since I had sex. This is just my subconscious telling me I need to get laid. Though, honestly since when has my subconscious gotten so horny and so warped.\u2026..Oh, whatever. This has got to stop – I just need to get laid, that\u2019s all. Then, the dreams will stop. Won\u2019t they? XXXXXXXXX<\/b> OOkay, I can do that. Just exchange a real live guy with my dream Angel. XXXXXXXX<\/b> I just need to find a hot, live, not best friend type that won\u2019t chain me or bite me.XXXXXXXXX<\/b><\/i><\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Angel reread the passage. The words \u2018amazing\u2019, \u2018nerve crashing sensual overload\u2019, \u2018sick\u2019, \u2018death wish\u2019, \u2018Angelus\u2019, \u2018laid\u2019, \u2018hot live guy\u2019 jumped out at him. Cordelia was as confused as he was and as effected. But at least, he didn\u2019t go out looking for a substitute for the dreams. Angel glanced at the tattered pillow in his hands and she wouldn\u2019t either, he growled out loud.<\/p>\n
Angel got up, the remains of the mutilated pillow and the notebook fell to the ground. Angel left the apartment with nothing on his mind but the retrieval of Cordelia before any hot live guy touched her in any manner.<\/p>\n
The air of the apartment crackled with Dennis\u2019 annoyance at the mess the vampire left in his wake. The ghost closed the front door and started to straighten up. His communications to Angel smeared and slowly disappeared from the bedroom mirror.<\/p>\n
Dennis just hoped that Cordelia didn\u2019t notice the missing pillow, the ruined lipstick, or the ripped pages of her notebook. Otherwise, there would be hell to pay.<\/p>\n